What Matters Most
by colormetheworld
Summary: Sequel to "Just Give Me a Reason" Not necessary to read that to read this, but definitely give it a read if you like this. Jane and Maura are married, have twins, are still as kickass as ever. Picks up around 3x02. Seasons 1-2 covered in first Fic. Rated T generally, but some chapters are M. Thanks for reading!
1. Chapter 1

Jane wakes up horizontally, her neck at an awkward angle. Something heavy is pressing down on her chest, making it hard for her to breathe, and her eyes are stuck shut, something there rendering it impossible for her to lift her eyelids.

She feels her stomach clench and she is about to throw herself upwards in attempt to free herself when something inside her says..._wait. _

She reaches up, realizing with a swoop of relief that her hands are free, and feels at her face.

A foot.

The hard thing forcing her eyes to stay closed is a tiny little foot, and as her hands graze over it, it curls a little under her fingers.

And the angle of her neck? she tries to shift and cannot. There is a little head in the bend of her shoulder, blonde curls tickling her cheek as she cranes to see.

"Nuggets," she says trying to sit up. Her back screams, stiff. "Ugh."

Sofia, who is asleep on top of her, stretches and her foot disappears for a second before swinging back and catching Jane in the jaw.

"OW! _Shit_." She says, the swear slipping out of her mouth before she can stop it. She grabs at her face, swallowing back more swear words as she realizes that the kick has caused her to bite her tongue.

"Mama you said a no no." Sofia says swinging her feet back around so that she can sit up. She looks at her mother sternly, the way Maura would if she were there, and Isabelle nods, just as serious.

"Yeah, Fia I did. I'm sorry. You just kicked me in the jaw and it hurt."

"Mommy says swears are for baddies," Isabelle says, rolling into her mother, wrapping her arms around waist. "Don't be a baddie, Mama."

"Hmm," Jane says, finally managing to sit up. She surveys both her children, trying to remember when in the night they made their way into her bed, and how she ended up sideways and used like a human hammock.

"What time is it," she asks, speaking more to herself than the girls. She rubs at her eyes.

"Four one, um...um..." Isabelle gets stuck on the last number.

Jane groans, falling back onto the bed. "It doesn't matter what comes next, thanks Iz."

As soon as she's lying back down, both girls are upon her, squirming into their places against her, and Jane's crankiness melts a little.

"Could we sleep like, one more hour, bubbles? Please?"

She feels them nod against her, but knows that she'll only get another half hour at best. She feels Sofia take her hand and play absently with her fingers, and somehow...

the time of day, and the lack of sleep seem not to matter as much anymore.

* * *

"You look like hell," Frost hands her a cup of coffee and sits down at his own desk. Jane rubs her hand across her face.

"Four fifteen," She snarls at him. "I thought you were going to wear them out!"  
Frost puts his hands up in defense, "You can't wear Sofia out. She is constantly on, I swear to God. Frankie and I ran her all over that playground. She took it as a challenge, honestly. Her blood is caffeine."

Jane smiles. That sounds like Sofia. "Thank you for watching them," she says, "Maura has this idea that they shouldn't have to see us in the hospital until they're old enough to process it."

"How is the Doc?"

"She's good. Her attending says another 48 hours and then she can come home. They just want to make sure that there's no infection. That her leg is not going septic."

"You really had to cut-" he starts, but Jane holds up her hand. She doesn't want to think about how it had felt to cut her wife's skin open. Or the terror that had gripped her when she'd felt Maura go limp against her.

Frost is looking at her, his expression awed.

"What?"

"I know you thought that having kids would make you weaker," he says, and Jane frowns.

"Do you and my wife just sit around talking about my deepest darkest secrets?" she asks, rolling her shoulders.  
Frost laughs, but is not distracted. "I know you though that, Jane. But it hasn't. It's done the exact opposite."

Jane can't help but smile at her partner. She feels it too, when they're on a case or she's faced with something potentially dangerous. She'd thought that she'd only be able to think of her children. That she wouldn't be able to focus or act, or even pull the trigger if the situation necessitated it. That she would get soft.

But two weeks ago she had tackled a murder suspect as he tried to rob a convenience store, cold hard fury in the pit of her stomach as she had slapped the cuffs around his wrists. No pity. Among the victims of his first robbery, there had been a seven year old boy.

"Maternal instinct," Maura had said, when Jane had tried to describe the feeling.

"There weren't any kids around."

"It doesn't matter. It extends."

Jane leans back in her chair, and shoots another grin at Frost. "Look. Just because your gossip buddy is laid up...doesn't mean that I'm gonna sit around and gab with you all day."

Frost feigns hurt, getting up to retrieve a hard drive from the back room. "You pale in comparison in that department anyway," he huffs. Jane laughs.

"But seriously, Jane," She hears him say, "You're a kick ass cop and a kick ass mom."

Jane tries to hide her delighted smile at the compliment.

"Shut it, Frost, Jesus."

* * *

_ "Mama loves me, yes it's true, and my mommy loves me too. Mama and Mommy love each other, aren't I lucky to have to mothers,"_

Jane spreads her arms out wide, making her eyes big, smiling despite herself when both girls do the same, singing along. It's the same song they sing every night, and both Isabelle and Sofia have most of the words down. Jane shuts her eyes for a moment, wishing that Maura was next to her, like always, her voice blending with Jane's.

_"I may be small but this I know. I'm bathed in love from head to toe..."_ Isabelle touches her hands to her head while Sofia stretches her legs out, wiggling her feet at Jane, who can't help but chuckle. She reaches out and ruffles Isabelle's curly hair.

_"Even now it's clear to me, there are lots of ways! To be a family." _

Jane smiles as the song comes to an end and both girls scramble forward to throw their arms around her.

"Bed time," Jane says, kissing each little head. "Bed time, tiny mites."

"Mama, where's Mommy? Why she's not singing us?"

Jane manages a smile, "We talked about where Mommy is, remember Fia? Mommy hurt her leg, and she's getting it all fixed up and then she'll come back home."

"How Mommy hurt her leg?" Isabelle asks, and Jane feels her stomach clench. For a second she seems to hear the sickening sound of metal on metal and shattering glass as the truck had slammed into the cruiser.

"She had a little accident. But she'll be home in two days. And she misses you like crazy."

"How long is two days?" Fia asks, and her dark eyes scan her mother's face, as if trying to catch her in a lie.

"Two more bedtime songs, and then Mommy will be home to sing with you."

"And do morning teeth?" Isabelle asks, and Jane really does smile. It's always been Maura's job to get the girls up and out the door to preschool because she can afford to come in a little later than Jane, and neither girl has been shy about telling Jane that she does the morning routine very differently than her wife.

"Yes," Jane says, picking Isabelle up and settling her in her own bed next to Sofia's, "and do morning teeth." She stands back and puts her hand out. she makes a one. "I," she says and the little girls do the same, their tiny fingers reaching out towards her.

She lifts the rest of her fingers, showing the girls a four, and they mimic her.

"love," she says, lowering a finger to make three.

"you," she whispers. "I love you both. Very very much."

"1 4 3 mama," Sofia says, eyes already closed.

"1 4 3 ma," Isabelle echoes, and Jane moves to the door, flipping on the nightlight as she pulls it shut.

"1 4 3, little snugs. sleep tight."

Once in the hall, Jane leans against the door and rubs at her face, feeling exhausted. She looks towards the kitchen where a stack of case files is waiting for her and sighs.

...

_"GO! Maura. Get out of the car! GO!" Shots ring out around them and Jane fires back, one handed, the other hand shoving at Maura._

_"Isabelle." Maura's voice is almost non existent. _

_"GO!"_

_"Sofia."_

_"MAURA, GET OUT OF THE CAR." _

_"Jane!"_

_"GO!"_

_..._

Jane snaps her eyes open, waving her hand through the air as if it could magically push the memory away.

She takes a couple deep breaths, trying to ground herself, but the moment she shuts her eyes, she can smell the muddy, oily smell of the water as it poured out of the run off pipe.

...

_"Jane, you have to cut it open."_

_"Maura, I'm not going to-"_

_"I don't want to lose my leg, Jane, Just do it." _

_"Maur,"_

_"Jane. Please. __**Please**__. I want to chase after our kids on the playground." _

_"Don't do that, Maura, don't use our..." _

_"I want to-"_

_"DON'T."_

_"Please Jane. Honey. Please." _

_"... Show me where."_

...

The doorbell rings suddenly, pulling Jane back to the present, and she hurries into the front hall, peering out through the peep hole.

"Ma?" she pulls the door open on Angela, overnight bag in hand. "What are you doing here? I'm fine..."

Angela smiles and brushes past her daughter without an invitation. "I know you're fine Janie. I'm here to babysit for you."

Jane follows her mother into the living room, confused. "Um...Ma? Are you getting Alzheimer's? Is that what this is? It's 7:30 at night...The girls are asleep. I don't have you on the calendar until Maura and my next date night which isn't until-"

"Psh, Jane. of course I know when the next time I'm _supposed _to baby sit is, and I know that both girls are asleep." Angela flops back against the couch, reaching for the remote. Jane stares at her, befuddled.

"So...the Alzheimer's then?" She asks, and Angela makes an impatient noise.

"I'm your mother Jane, I know you haven't been sleeping well. You've got the darkest circles under your eyes that I've seen since the girls were infants..."

She looks up at Jane and rolls her eyes when Jane's look of confusion doesn't change.

"So, go see your wife. Go spend the night in the hospital with her. I know you two have that whole thing about not bringing the girls...keeping them innocent, or what have you...but I also know you need to see her again, so go. Spend the night there."

Jane doesn't move for a moment, and then she comes over to the couch, sitting on the edge of the coffee table and dipping her head to look her mother in the eyes.

"Ma."

Worry flickers across the older woman's face for a moment, as though she thinks maybe she's done the wrong thing. "Jane."

But Jane fixes her with a radiant smile. "Thank you, Ma. _Thank_ you."

Angela laughs, "_go!" _

Jane jumps up, "If they wake up, they like the jerry giraffe song. You remember it right?"

"The one I sang Frankie? You remember that?" Angela calls after her, and Jane sticks her head back in the living room.

"Yeah. I'll be back before they wake up."

"Whenever. I'm sure I can get them up and to The Center in one piece. You just call and let me know."

"Thank you, Ma." Jane says again, and Angela waves her away.

"Go, Janie, seriously."

Angela smiles as she hears the door shut in the hall. "Jerry giraffe," she chuckles, reaching for her bag.

* * *

Maura is sleeping when Jane pushes open the door, and for a moment, Jane just stands a looks at her, listening to the steady beat of the heart monitor and marveling at how even in a hospital bed her wife manages to look so breathtakingly beautiful. She wants to get into bed with Maura and yet does not want to wake her, doesn't want to cause her any pain.

Although the doctors had been impressed at her incision, there had still been a sufficient amount of work left for them to do, and between the antibiotics pumped into her to fight infection, and the draining and sewing up of her leg, Jane knows that Maura is exhausted.

She sits down in a chair next to the bed, wondering - not for the first time - if they'd been crazy to do this. To get married and have kids and...go out every day and risk their lives.

She reaches out and takes Maura's hand, brushing it against her lips. She can't help it. That's the love of her life lying there.

"What are we doing, Maur?" she whispers, kissing the hand again. "What are we doing?"

Jane's eyes are shut, so she doesn't see that Maura's are open, her expression one of sleepy surprise.

"The only thing we know how, sweet girl," She says softly, but Jane still starts, looking up suddenly.

"Hi," She says.

"Hi back! What are you doing here?"

Jane leans forward to kiss Maura's forehead. "Ma took the night shift for me. She said I looked awful."

Maura pushes Jane away to survey her. "You do look pretty awful," she says smiling.

"Thank you, _darling_," Jane says, but Maura pulls at her, and she happily climbs up into the hospital bed, tucking herself gently against her wife's side. "Does that hurt?" she asks as Maura sighs.

"God, no. It feels heavenly. I've missed you so much." They kiss. soft and sweet and gentle. Jane feels her tension dissolve.

She smiles, putting her lips to Maura's neck before snuggling against her shoulder. "Isabelle wants to know when you are coming home to do morning teeth. Apparently the way I brush them is just not cutting it."

She feels Maura smile into her hair, "I do have a certain flair for it."

"I don't understand why we have to brush them anyway. They're just going to fall out."

"Are you baiting me, Rizzoli?"

"Yes, Doctor."

But Maura tenses and Jane raises her head and looks up at her. "Maur?"

"I'm sorry, Jane. If I hadn't insisted we go, and if I hadn't picked a fight about nothing, you might have seen that truck and-"

Jane waves her away impatiently, "hush. It doesn't matter. We're okay."

"We almost weren't"

"But we are."

They lie there for a while, feeling the others heartbeat.

"Could we stop?" the question is quiet, apologetic. Jane runs her hand over Maura's stomach, feeling it flutter underneath her fingers. She's been asking herself that all day.

"Could you?" she counters, not wanting to be the one to answer first.

Maura sighs. "I don't think so," she says just as apologetically, her voice barely above a whisper. "But it's not because...it's _because_ of them...that I couldn't"

And Jane loves her in that moment. Loves her for losing her words and for her honesty and for her fierce, undying passion for what she does.

"I love you, Maura Isles," she says snuggling closer, and Maura squeezes her shoulder.

"I love you too. So much. Go to sleep."

And Jane obeys almost immediately, feeling at ease in Maura's arms.

Right where she's meant to be.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Sofia! Can you hear mama? Can you hear me sweet girl?" _

_"Jane. We decided not to know the sex of the babies. You can't call them by names yet." _

_"We're gonna have one of each. I know it!"_

_"There is no way you can know that, Jane." _

_"James. Can you hear Mama? I want you to know me when you come out, little man." _

_Maura makes an impatient noise. "Janee," she says, but she can't help but smile as Jane presses her lips to her stomach. _

_"What Maur, you said you didn't want to know, and we don't know, but that doesn't mean I can't call them by the names they will have." _

_"I still like Isabelle." _

_"More than Sofia?" _

_Maura leans back against the couch and Jane comes to sit next to her. "I don't know." _

_They sit is silence for a while, Jane tracing lazy circles over her wife's stomach, her eyes far away and maybe a little misty. _

_Maura pinches her elbow gently. "You're getting soft, Rizzoli." she says quietly, catching her breath when Jane growls and bites at her neck. _

_"So what if I am," she whispers "You're worth it."_

_But she pulls back suddenly, as if remembering something. "Maur. the shower is in like...four weeks. Did you call your mother yet?"_

_Maura feels her stomach drop. This is the exact conversation she did not want to have. _

_"...No." _

_Jane raises her eyebrows, and Maura pushes at her. "No. Not yet. I-I it's complicated." _

_Jane looks at her for a moment, "So...does that mean that you haven't called her because your scared?" _

_Maura lets her breath out in a huff and pushes off the couch, an action that is getting harder with each passing day it seems. She heads into the kitchen, thinking of ice cream. _

_She sighs, irritated when she hears Jane following her._

_"Jane."  
"Maur, what's the deal?" Jane leans against the door frame, "She was excited to hear that we got pregnant right?" _

_Maura opens the freezer, hoping that the cold burst of air will cool the heat creeping into her cheeks._

_"Maura?" Jane's voice is suspicious. "What are you not telling me?" _

_Maura choses a dove bar and turns around, not able to meet Jane's eyes. "When I confirmed with you that I told my mother that we were pregnant, that may have been a slight exaggeration of the truth," she says, peeling back the plastic wrap on her ice cream bar, still not looking up at Jane. _

_There is silence in the kitchen, save the crinkle of the wrapper. _

* * *

"Sofia Emilie, you leave that bow where it is. "I swear you are your mother's daughter."

Sofia fixes her with a frosty stare and reaches her hand slowly up to her head, eyes on her mother. Maura looks back, her eyes narrow, "Go a head, smart girl, you touch that bow and you see what happens."

Sofia drops her hand and stomps her foot. Her brand new Mary Jane slapping against the linoleum of the kitchen.

"Mommy. So _itchy_." Sofia says, crossing her little arms.

"There's no way that dress is itchy, it was made especially for you!"

"Not dress, Mommy," Sofia says, rolling her eyes, looking exactly like Jane. "_Tights itchy_."

"Oh," Maura says, looking at her daughter.  
But at that moment, Jane appears in the doorway, holding Isabelle. "Hey, Snug. Are you dying?" She asks, and Sofia shakes her head.

"Then zip it. Leave the bow and the tights alone, got it?"

Sofia sets her mouth in a straight line, but nods, understanding that her mother's tone is not something to mess with.

Jane leans Isabelle towards Maura, "Izzy, give your Mommy a kiss. She's very stressed," she says and Isabelle leans out of Jane's arms and kisses Maura's cheek.

"Matter, Mommy? You needa lie down?"

Maura smiles, but doesn't answer, speaking instead to Jane, "You can't call her Izzy, while she's here, Jane. It's Isabelle or Bella."

"Bella!" the little girl cries, always happy to be the topic of conversation.

"Maura, calm down." Jane sets Isabelle on the ground. "Everything is going to go fine. We're between cases, we're not up next for rotation, and you were just featured on the news for bringing a man back to life! There's no way your mother can say anything negative about _anything_ happening in your life. You're freaking _magic_."

Maura looks down at her children in their matching dresses and and bows, feeling unaccountably nervous. "Isabelle, Comment pouvez-vous dire que hello, grandmother?"

Isabelle bites her lip, "um..."

"Bonjour grand-mère!" Sofia pipes up happily.

"No, Sofia, I'm asking your sister," Maura says.

"Maur," Jane says firmly. Maura waves her away.

"Isabelle, say nice to meet you, in french, honey."

Sofia frowns, as Isabelle shuffles her feet. "Ravi de..."

"vous rencontrer" says Sofia, softly.

"Fia!" Maura says, angry now.

"Okay," Jane says, bending down to take both girls by the hand. "That is enough of that. Go get your bags, Tinys, okay? Mama'll get your coats."

As soon as they disappear around the corner Jane whirls on her wife, "You have got to get ahold of yourself right now."

"My mother is going to expect my children to-"

"Be thirty year old doctors already?" Jane points a finger at Maura, "Don't do this Maur. Don't push her standards on your kids. Even for one night. She'll love them because they're ours and they're wonderful or she won't and she can hit the bricks."

Maura feels tears in her eyes. She wishes it was that simple.

"I don't want her to be awful to them," she sniffs, looking over Jane's shoulder as the girls reappear in the doorway, clutching matching little purses.

Sofia nudges Isabelle, who looks up at Maura, blue green eyes wide. "Mama. Je suis désolé. cile, mais je ferai de mon mieux*. okay, Mama?"

Maura feels tears in her eyes. "Come here," she says bending down and picking Isabelle up. Jane bends for Sofia, whispering something in her ear that makes the dark haired little girl smile.

"You are a wonderful, beautiful, smart and talented little girl," Maura says, nuzzling her until she giggles. "Your Grandmother will love you, for you. Okay?"

Isabelle nods.

"And if she doesn't" Maura whispers, smiling at Jane.

"She can hit the bricks."

* * *

_"Mother?" _

_"Maura! I'm so glad you called. I was reading an article on lung regeneration in the quarterly Medicine Review and I thought of you because" _

_"I'm pregnant." _

_The words roll out of her mouth too fast, and she cuts her mother off mid sentence by accident. Jane looks up from her magazine, holding her thumbs up. "Smooth" she mouths and Maura rolls her eyes. _

_There's silence on the other end of line. _

_"Mother?" _

_"Well I suppose that congratulations are in order. When did you find out?" _

_Maura sighs, "28 weeks ago" Jane chokes on her soda. _

_More silence. _

_"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Mother. I was just really nervous that you wouldn't approve of them." _

_"Them?" _

_Maura shuts her eyes. "It's twins." _

_Constance takes a breath. "Maura. Are you telling me that you've been pregnant for twenty eight weeks with twins, and you are calling me now?" _

_Maura doesn't know what to say. Constance sounds...hurt. _

_"I'm sorry, Mother. I...I got scared." _

_Jane comes to sit next to her on the couch, running her hand up her wife's arm, offering silent support. _

_"It's to be expected," Constance says after a moment. _

_"What?" _

_Constance sighs, "I was not the most...enthusiastic when you told me of your plans," She pauses and Maura imagines the crease between her mother's eyes as she thinks. _

_"So you're pregnant with twins. Is this one embryo that has split or did both the embryos take?" _

_Maura gapes into the phone. _

_As if reading her mind, Constance says, a slight smile in her voice, "I did my research, Maura. You're not the only one with internet access. Which is it?" _

_"Uh...both embryos took,"_

_"So." _

_"So." _

_Maura wants her mother to say that she happy. She wants to hear her do the equivalent of what Angela did when she found out, jumping up and down and embracing them both._

_"Where are you, Mother?" She asks. Suddenly it is very important for her to know. _

_"Brussels. Why? Do you need me?" _

_Maura considers this question, trying to figure out if it is hope she hears in her mother's voice. _

_"No. I mean. Yes..." Maura looks at Jane, who nods encouragingly. "I do need you. I need you to be in their lives." _

_"My grandchildren." _

_"Yes. I want you to come see them," Maura says, and her voice gains confidence as she speaks, and Jane nods. "I want you to come see them often. And be a typical Grandmother..." She feels herself falter, "Please," she adds, unable to help herself. _

_While she listens to the silence on the other end, she rubs her stomach, trying to stay calm. Angela is plenty grandmother, she thinks. Constance won't even know what she's missing. _

_"Okay." It's been so long coming that Maura almost misses it. _

_"What?" _

_Constance takes a breath. _

_"I said...Okay." _

* * *

"And then his eyes opened, and he kind of squinted up at me," Maura puts her fork down, reaching out to push Sofia's sippy cup back from the corner of the table. She smiles at her mother, whose eyes follow her hand before coming back up to her eyes.

"That's amazing!" she says, and Maura beams.

"Mommy's 'mazing," Isabelle chirps.

"Supa hero! They said on the noose!" Sofia adds, and Constance smiles.

"I've always thought your Mommy was a superhero," she says to the children, and Maura looks at her wonderingly. It's an offhand comment, but Maura feels like she's seeing a her mother in a whole new light.

Dinner has gone so well, that she feels like she's just waiting for the other shoe to drop. But although Constance had arrived in true Isles form, pulling up in a black town car and kissing Maura on both cheeks, she had also chosen a place with a child menu, and no table cloths.

"Nona?" Sofia says, trying to get Constance's attention.

"No no," Jane says quickly, "That's not Nona...that's um..." She looks at Constance apologetically. "We hadn't really told them what to call you."

Sofia looks up at Constance, "You Mommy's mommy," she says.

Constance nods, looking at her over her glass of wine, "That's right."

Sofia seems to think hard. "Grand-meré," She says, coming up with the word from earlier.

Constance's eyebrows shoot up and she looks at Maura, smiling. "You speak French to them?"

Maura nods.

"I used to speak French to you all the time when you were a baby. You're first word was a French word...Rochelle says," She finishes, and Maura watches her look a little disconcerted by the end of her sentence.

"Anyway. Grand-mere is fine. Grandmother,"

"Gramma!" Isabelle says, and Jane goes to shush her.

"No, Det...Jane," Constance says, "Gramma is fine."

...

Both girls hug Constance when dinner is over, and their little arms around her neck seems to have the same effect as they did on Jane's brother Tommy, at a picnic almost a year ago.

Isabelle doesn't let go, and after a moment Constance stands with the girl in her arms, and she squirms against her grandmother, trying to get comfortable.

"C'mere, Nugget," Jane says, reaching out her arms, "She gets a little clingy when she's sleepy."

Constance seems to hesitate for a moment before transferring the child, and when her arms are empty she looks like she's unsure what to do with her hands.

Maura chases after Sofia who has seen a dog on the corner and taken off, leaving Jane and Constance quite alone.

"She looks very much like Maura did. When she was young," The older woman says, to fill the silence.

"It's pretty great right?" Jane says, swaying a little on the spot. Isabelle's eyes droop.

"Yes. It is...pretty great." Constance echoes.

"Look, Constance. Thank you for coming tonight. Thank you for picking a restaurant that..." She gestures, "Our family could eat at."

Constance looks at Jane, "your family."

Jane shifts a little nervously. "No," she say quietly. "Our family. All of us."

The black town car that dropped Constance off seems to materialize out of no where, and Constance moves towards it.

"Don't be a stranger," Jane says, following her to the curb.

Constance opens the door and almost gets in, but then she turns and leans forward, kissing Jane on both cheeks, the way she'd greeted Maura.

"You take care of them, now." she says quickly, her voice thick.

And she disappears behind tinted windows.

"I will," Jane says quietly as the car pulls away, and she stares after it for a long moment

before turning to look for her wife and daughter.

* * *

**AH! You guys are back! It's so amazing to see you all again! Even the handles of people who didn't comment but just followed. Ya'll feel like old friends!**

**Raeday, nikki, pi, julez, steph B, alexis, Davislp Hi! Welcome back! Thank you! Oh Goodness it's good to see you all. **

**Ireallyneedalife, mustanggirl and if there was anyother way. I AM EXCITED TOO! Thank you! gosh. you guys know how to make a girl feel welcome. **

**AE. thanks for keeping me company during my mini hiatus. It's because of you we have such wonderful little girls in this story. **

**Fallen Austin, as always, your comments make me eeeee. **

**For those of you who asked about the song in chapter 1...I remember it from school. It's by Diedre McCalla and it's called Mama Loves me. Very neat song. **

**So here's some more fluff, but you know me...it never lasts long. Hold on to your hats! Or your...toupees, or what have you!**

**here we go!**


	3. Chapter 3

_Girls. dressed up like dolls. Dead and posed at bus stops. _

_It's getting to both of them, but Jane especially. _

_Especially since they found the piece of that night stick. _

_There is nothing Jane hates more than dirty cops. _

..

_Maura watches the detectives interrogate him through the glass. _

_They know it is him. They know it is him but the dogs found nothing. _

_They need a confession. _

_They don't get one. _

..

_Jane slams out of the interrogation room, and Frost waves Maura away. _

_He goes after his partner. An unspoken rule that on the job, he's the one that follows her. _

_Maura turns back to the window. _

_Sees the old cop. Knows he's dirty. _

_Watches him smirk. _

* * *

Maura is not squeamish. In fact, her job requires that she have an iron stomach when dealing with the most gruesome of cases. Women missing limbs, Men with nineteen bullet wounds, children torn apart by assault rifles. They come onto her examination table mangled and unrecognizable. She can dismember a jaw in three minutes, make a perfect Y incision in seconds and weigh and mark all organs in under an hour. She is the best at her job. Period. And her job requires that she look at blood and guts and entrails and and remains, and not once have even the slightest urge to lose her lunch.

That's what being the best means.

But when she opens the back door, she sees Isabelle, and she sees blood. And her mind goes blank and her stomach heaves and she is not a Doctor or a professional. She is panicked. and she is a mother and she is going to throw up because is her child bleeding. Is that blood? There is so much blood.

"Isabelle?"

"Mommy!" Isabelle is screaming. Her face red and and scrunched, crying so hard that her tears are projectile. And she looks terrified. She holds out her hands and Maura runs. She sprints towards her. Nothing else on her mind. She doesn't know how she gets there. Doesn't feel the gravel under her own knees as she pulls her daughter to her, feeling her real and alive and warm in her arms.

But there was blood.

And only then does her medical training kick in. Only then does she pull at the arms clinging to her so that she can look in the face.  
It's a cut. Above the eye. dripping red and terrible looking. Maura pulls at the sleeve of her three hundred dollar sweater. It could cost a dollar for all she cares. I could have cost her ten thousand dollars and she would still ball it up in her hand and press it to her daughter's head.

"Bella. Bella," she tries to think of other words besides her daughter's name. Besides all the different languages in which she can say "help my child."

_Focus_. she screams at herself. _Focus._

But it is Jane. It is Jane who puts band aids on the skinned knees and kisses bruises to make them feel better. Jane who knows how to kill the sting of peroxide with a will places puff of air and a silly face. Maura, the doctor, could not bear to see her children hurt, nicked, scraped up in anyway.

"They were _inside _me, Jane." She'd tried to explain, after Sofia had come home from the park with a skinned knee.

"Yes," Jane had said, leaning to kiss her, "And they were definitely safer in there, but we can't let them not be kids."

Isabelle's screams have turned to whimpers, soft and pitiful as she lays her head on her mother's shoulder, her thumb moving to her mouth.

"What happened? Izzy, what happened baby," she looks around the back yard, standing with her child in her arms.

And then she sees him. And if she didn't have a whimpering child in her arms, she would kill this man, for as sure as she knows that her sweater is ruined, she knows that he has hit her daughter.

"You."

"Maura," Tommy steps forward, his arms outstretched. "Is she okay? I-"

"YOU! What did you do?"

Tommy drops his hands to his sides, looking shocked. "Wha-"

"You hit her? You hit my-"

Anger is making Maura see red. Or blood is making her see red. She realizes that she has wiped at her forehead with the sweater sleeve that was pressed against Isabelle's head.

"No..._NO! Maura_," Tommy is trying to speak to her. But he takes a step forward and Isabelle whimpers and tightens her grip on her mother's neck, and a new wave of anger washes over her.

"You..Y-You fucking ASSHOLE. You STAY AWAY FROM MY CHILDREN."  
Tommy's eyes go wide. "If you come near my family again I will murder you. I will murder you and dissect you and leave no trace of you anywhere. for ANYONE to find."

Isabelle is crying again, when Maura turns towards the house. And her daughter's tears are all she can hear.

She doesn't hear the door slam as she shuts it, only feels the little girl jump against her and cry harder.

"Shhh. shhhhh," She sways on the spot, trying to focus her blurry vision long enough to find her phone.

"Mama. I want Mama mama." Isabelle cries.

Yes. Maura wants Jane too. Wants her there so badly that if she weren't already heaving with unshed tears and bottled up anger...

Her phone.

She finds it on the breakfast bar, pressing the one on her speed dial with her free hand, putting it on speaker. so she can press her sweater back against her daughter's head.

"Rizzoli," Jane answers on the second ring.

"MAMA!" Isabelle wails. a new round of tears, fresh and hot against Maura's neck.

"Isabelle? Maura?" Jane's voice is instantly alert. Panicky.  
"Jane, Come home. Come home now," Maura tries to think of the other words she wants to use, but everything is red and dangerous and loud.

"Use your siren."

* * *

Jane sits down next to Maura on the hard waiting room chair. For a moment she doesn't say anything, and Maura can feel her taking in her blood stained sweater and her messy matted hair. Frost sits a couple chairs down, pretending to be engrossed in a magazine, although Maura knows that he's simply staying close. For her.

"I'm not hurt," she says quietly forestalling Jane's question. Although she feels as though someone has physically hurt her. That's how exhausted she is.

"You're sure?" Jane's voice is gentle. Patient.

"Yes."

"Isabelle's going to be fine. Frankie's with her. No stitches. Just that glue doctor says she won't even have a scar. And Ma's on her way with Sofia."

Maura nods numbly, knowing that Jane has come out to ask her what happened. She tries to replay the afternoon in her head.

They'd been in the back yard, and Sofia had spilled juice all over herself. Knowing there was a fresh shirt in the laundry room, Maura had run inside to get it and as she'd come back towards the door...Isabelle had screamed.

"Maura." Jane's voice shakes her from her thoughts, and she feels Jane's hands close over her own. "You're shaking." Jane's voice is quiet and afraid. "Are you sure you're not..."

"I'm fine," Maura lies, and for a moment, she considers lying more. Considers not telling Jane that her brother has...  
But she looks up and she sees Angela coming towards her, Sofia in her arms, and behind her...Tommy.

Cold hard fury bolstered by fear makes Maura jump to her feet.

"NO!" She cries, her voice not entirely under her control.

"Maur," Jane says, sounding shocked, standing as well, looking where she's looking.

But Maura is already moving. She reaches Angela in six steps and nearly tears Sofia from her arms.

"Maura, what-" Angela looks confused, but Maura spins to face Tommy, and she points her finger at him, and her fury keeps it steady.

"I told you to stay the hell away from my children. And you want to show up and-"

"Hey. Hey, Maura," Jane has come up behind her, putting her hand on her shoulder. But Maura spins and glares at Jane. She feels Sofia tense in her arms.

"No. NO. This all ends right now. You can't have it all, Jane. You can't have this family and that brother at the same time."

"Maura," Angela says, "Tommy told me what-"  
"I don't give a _damn_ what Tommy told you happened. I'm sure he told you something that pulled at you heart strings just so you can forgive him. And maybe I'd let you do that at the cost of me. But not at the cost of my wife ever again, and _definitely _ not my children."

"Maur," Angela tries to interject.

"NO! He's hit me and he's hit my wife and now he's hit my daughter. I won't do it anymore. I won't. You. can't. have. it all, it's time to choose, Jane." She turns back to face Jane in time to see her register what she's said.  
Frost who had gotten up too when Angela arrived looks at Maura with wide eyes, his face registering her sentence as well.

Everything happens very quickly. Jane reaches for the gun at her waist, succeeding in unbuckling it and drawing it half out of the holster before Frost grabs her around the waist with one hand, knocking her hand with the other. "No," He grunts, as the detective lunges for Tommy. "_Jane." _

"You bastard, you miserable bastard I'll kill you. I'll fucking shoot you, or I'll wrap my hands around you and strangle you to death myself..."

Frost skids a little as Jane lunges again and Tommy takes a step back.  
"Jane!" Tommy tries to talk over her. "It wasn't me. I didn't. Look, I didn't mean for Isabelle to get-"

"_I'm going to KILL you. Frost. Let ME GO. I'm going to... FRANKIE." _

She calls for her brother, and Tommy's face whitens. Clearly realizing that if Frankie comes out into the hall, there will be no one to hold him back. And he has his firearm as well.

Tommy turns and runs.

"You FUCKING Bastard I will kill-"

"Mama! Parralo. Yous bein a baddie."

Nothing but that tiny, annoyed little voice could make Jane stop fighting. She stops abruptly and turns to her daughter, who reaches out from Maura's arms.

Jane takes her, and Sofia pulls back, surveying her mother with similar eyes.

She puts her hand on her mother's chest. "Your heart's beatin so fast, Mama." she says.

"Is ya dying?"

"No." Jane says, looking sharply up at the door through which Tommy has fled. "No, sweetheart."

Sofia snuggles in. "okay. Then stop bein a baddie. got it?"

Jane almost smiles.

"Got it."

...

She tucks them in and sings them their song and tells them how much she loves them by herself. They don't ask where Maura is, even though she's in the house. The her like they always do and she flips the night light on.

_Good night, snuggies. Mama and Mommy love you so, so much. _

They love her too. Of course they do, they love her, scars and brother and all.

She pushes open the door to the bedroom and finds Maura asleep on the bed, above the covers, one shoe on. Still in her ruined sweater.

Jane runs her hand over Maura's face, and watches her green eyes flutter open, disoriented at first.

"Hi there," Jane says.

"Hi back."

Jane leans down and pulls Maura into a sitting position. She presses her lips to the doctor's, gently. An act of comfort rather than desire. She leans back, searching Maura's face, asking permission.

Maura nods and Jane pulls her sweater over her head, getting up and throwing it in the trash.

She disappears around the corner and reappears with Maura's favorite night shirt.

Laying it on the bed, she slips Maura out of her shirt, and her bra, and then pulls the nightshirt over her head, kissing her again when her head appears through the neck hole.

She helps Maura under the covers, making sure that she's tucked in and situated before disappearing into the closet to change herself.

Maura misses her while she's changing. Misses her in this deep, hard, visceral way. In the same way she'd wanted Jane this afternoon.

She lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding when Jane slips between the covers with her.

They haven't really spoken directly to each other since the hospital. They'd fed their children, Maura sitting at the table but not really there. And at a touch and a look from Jane, Maura had retreated to the bedroom. She'd heard Jane reading to their children through the wall, but she'd fallen asleep before the song.

"Maur?"

"Jane."

"Can I come over there?"  
It's only now that she realizes Jane has been keeping her distance, staying on her side of the bed, waiting for some type of invitation.

"Yes...yes...of course," she says, and she feels a real smile as Jane wraps herself around her.

"You." Jane says quietly.  
"What?"  
"You said I had to choose. At the Hospital. I choose you. I choose them. every time. Always." She's working to stay comforting and not cry, Maura can tell, and she spins in Jane's arms, putting her forehead to Jane's.

"I know."

"We're the best team in the state," Jane says after a moment, "We could make it so that there was no way we could go down for murder."

She's only half kidding.

Maura pulls Jane closer. "I love you, sweet girl," and she has never meant the sweet more than she does tonight.

Jane relaxes against her.

"I love you too."

* * *

**ZOMG. Welcome to the Dollhouse pt. I. I'm not giving any more away. You'll just have to wait til tomorrow. **

**There's so many of you commenting already, I love it love it love it. **

**Nikki, pious, julez, lauren, michelle j, thank you, especially as guests for taking the time to review. It means so much to me!**

**AH JOBEE! You came! How wonderful. Thank you. **

**Sashaelizabeth, phoneme, whovian! New handles. I love it. Thanks for coming around Hope you'll keep enjoying. Magnus. So nice. thank you. it means so much. **

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**Ts! I love that you have a handle now. mustanggirl, heatwave, i really need a life, seriously. you guys are spoiling me. I love hearing from you. it makes me so happy. special shout out to AE for helping me through my block enough to bring you this. Davislp, tvaddict, alac, you don't know. thank you. you don't even know. :) **

**And to Fallen Austin for consistently listening to my angst over whether or not you will enjoy this.**

**happy reading! (dang it feels good to say that again)**

**t.c. **


	4. Chapter 4

Jane is asleep at the dining room table when Maura enters the room. She'd felt her wife slip out of bed around one, but she hadn't said anything. She knows that the stress of the case and the incident with Tommy are pushing at her like a weight, and as she approaches the table she sees that Jane has fallen asleep on the case file.

"Jane," she says softly. "Honey, wake up."

Jane jerks awake, rubbing her eyes. "mmmtime is it?"

"Almost 6."

"Girls are still sleeping?"

"A miracle," Maura smiles, bending to kiss Jane's head. "You alright?" She asks, and it is a thousand questions.

"No," Jane says, putting her hand on the case file. "I want to get McMurphy so bad." Jane runs her hand through her hair, and Maura puts her hands on Jane's shoulders, digging her thumbs into the tense muscles near her shoulder blades, feeling the muscles tense underneath her fingers.

"It's not good for your back to sleep like you did," Maura says, as Jane rolls her head, cracking her neck.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep," Jane replies, leaning back into Maura's touch. "God, that feels really good. Your fingers are magic. Did you know that?"

Maura leans down and kisses Jane's ear, "Oh, I know," she murmurs, and feels the detective shiver under her hands.

Jane stands, stretching, lifting her arms up high above her head, and Maura lets her hands run down Jane's back before turning away.

"Coffee?"

"Please," Jane says and she disappears into the living room, returning with her laptop a moment later.

"It's just such a mess," Jane says, popping the top of her computer open. "But maybe Frost and I scared him enough in interrogation that he won't kill another girl. For a while at least." She looks up at Maura as the doctor pours a liberal amount of cream in her mug.

"We must be almost out."

"I got more yesterday evening," Maura says, sliding the coffee down the breakfast bar to Jane. "You know, he doesn't fit the profile."

"hmm?"

Maura sips her own coffee. Black. "McMurphy. He doesn't fit the profile."

"How so?"

"He doesn't show any remorse. And if he beat his wife, he may not be the type of person who can. The suspect your looking for has bursts of fury followed by loving, painstaking attention. McMurphy's not capable."

Jane furrows her brow, thinking hard, and Maura doesn't say anything else. She's often in awe of her wife's ability to take her facts and spin them into some type of narrative.

"What about his son?" She says suddenly, getting up and hurrying back to dining room table.

"He has a son?"

"Yeah, he was five when his mother disappeared, he'd be what...twenty five now?"

Maura considers, "Well, he'd fit the profile more than his father, if he watched the abuse and felt powerless to stop it...murdering these girls might be the only way he knows to feel power again."

Jane shuffles through the case file, pulling out a picture of the little boy, sandy blonde hair and blue eyes, arms around his mother. Maura smiles fondly.

"He looks like Isabelle."

* * *

Daniel McMurphy lives in a halfway house off of Huntington Avenue. Jane helps Maura out of the cruiser as Frost climbs the steps to knock on the door. It's a rundown looking building, and the sign - Sons of Adam Halfway - is chipped and depressing.

The door swings open at Frost's knock and a big portly man opens the door.

Jane looks surprised. "Jack!" she says, breaking into a smile. "You're doing rehab now?"

Jack's laugh is a booming bark, and he grabs Jane's hand in a shake that Maura knows hurts her. "Rizzoli!" he says, the pack a day that he smokes evident in the cough that follows his greeting.

"Come in! Come in." He turns and heads down the hall.

"Jack, when did they take you off the beat?" she calls, grimacing as they follow him into the dingy sitting room. He gestures that they should sit, but Jane catches Maura's arm as the doctor bends, pulling her back with a look and quick shake of the head.

"I've been running this place for about two years now. Not a bad gig, what with my bum knee and my lungs. Can I get you anything? Sit, sit, don't stand there looking so formal."

"We're okay, Jack, thanks," She says, shooting Frost a look. The young detective is staring disgustedly at the chair near him. plaid and worn, with enough unidentifiable stains to keep the medical examiner busy for months.

"Look, Rizzoli, you can make your case, okay?" Jack says apologetically, "But I can't let Tommy back in the program. I'm sorry. Our policy against fighting..."

"What?" Jane's whole body has tensed up. "That's not why we're here...Tommy was was in a program here?"

"Three...He was taking, uh, let's see. The third and final course we have on anger management, he was doing a poetry class, and...he was in one of our support groups.. You're not here about Tommy?"

Jane shakes her head, but she seems to be unable to find her voice.

"We're here about Daniel McMurphy. We think he may have-"

"Daniel? Well, that's why we had to kick Tommy out... Got into a fight with that poor kid." Jack rubs the back of his neck, "Damn near strangled him to death, talking about 'leave my family alone.' We _had_ to let him go, Jane."

Sense.

Sense is emerging out of confusion, and when Maura looks at Jane, she sees her own understanding reflected back at her. Jane's face is paper white. She rubs at her hands, nervous, and Maura knows she's asking herself the same question. _What have I done? _

"We need to see his room, Jack. We need to see it now."

* * *

the first picture is of Arthur McMurphy and his wife and son. They are standing on the steps of the precinct and Libby is holding Daniel's hand. She's smiling at the camera, but her smile is forced. Maura doesn't have to be an expert at reading faces to know that she is in pain, and the reason why becomes clear as she scans the rest of the picture.

Artie is standing beside her in his policeman's uniform. He is smiling too, but his hand is on his wife's upper arm, and he is squeezing so hard that his fingernails are white. His eyes look cold and fierce. Unyielding.

Daniel is the only one not looking at the camera. The only one not smiling. He stares at his shoes, his face blank.

"Jane," Maura turns around with the picture in her hand, but Jane is already holding up another, her face ashen.

It's of Maura, Jane and Isabelle. Jane is standing in her kit belt, hand on her hips, staring coldly across the street at something out of the camera's view. Maura remembers that day. They'd had to pick up Isabelle from preschool because of her fever, and she'd been cranky all day. In the picture, Maura is squatting down, her hands on either side of her daughter's waist, but her eyes on Jane. Her expression is one of frustration and exhaustion, though it could be read as fear, Maura thinks, if you look at it right.

Isabelle is screaming.

But it's not the picture that unsettles Maura, nor is it the fact that there are definite similarities between the two.

It's the fact that over the picture in black marker, someone has circled the figure of the crying little girl, and written next to it in big block letters.

_Save her._

* * *

Hours of driving and she finally finds Tommy on a bench outside a liquor store on Massachusetts Avenue. She puts the car in park and gets out, approaching him slowly.

"Tommy."

His head jerks up and his wide brown eyes, so like her wife's, fix on her.  
"Maura!" He stands up. "I didn't go in," he says, panicked, gesturing towards the liquor store. "I wanted to...christ. I did. But I didn't go in."

Maura motions that he should sit, and he does at once, looking up into her face like a little boy.

She sits down next to him after a moment, and the silence stretches between them as the doctor tries to gather her thoughts enough to speak.

"I didn't hit Isabelle, Maura," Tommy says quietly. "You have to believe me. I can explain everything if you just give me a chance. I swear to you. I didn't hit her."

She nods. "I know."

He looks at her, "You do?"

"Yes, I do."

...

_"Danny. Put it down. Put the nightstick down." _

_"Why won't she tell what he's doing to her? I have to make her tell." _

_"Tell what, buddy? What did he do?" _

_"He hurt her. All the time." _

_"And you." _

_Daniel's eyes flicker, as he looks at Jane. _

_"And me."_

_..._

"I knew he wasn't right. But in group, you're not allowed to talk to anyone about it except the group leader. I told him Danny was messed up. I told him he shouldn't be in the halfway, but he didn't listen."

"Did he tell you he was going to go after Isabelle?"

"He came to group one day all excited. Couldn't wait to speak. Told us that he'd found a way to make it right. To make it up to his mother for not helping her. He said he'd found a little girl who needed protecting and that he was gonna make sure she got it. He said her name was Bella, and that he was going to protect her from harm."

"Why didn't you tell the group leader?"

"_I DID! _He said he'd look into it and then nothing happened. Nothing changed. I thought he would tell Jane. Or Korsak maybe. But he didn't do shit." Tommy glances at Maura. "Sorry," he adds.

...

_"He took my mommy away. He beat her and beat her and she never told. It wasn't right. It wasn't FAIR. And there was nothing I could do!" _

_"And that's why you decided to take...to help Bella." _

_"I saw her crying. I saw you...You didn't do anything. You let your wife take care of it, and I knew by the look on your face that you would go home and you would BEAT them. You had the same look that my dad has. I knew it. And I couldn't let it happen."_

_..._

"I followed him. And I saw you go inside, and I saw him jump the fence and call out to Isabelle. He was going to take her from you, Maura. He was..." Tommy's face twists with anger and grief, and Maura reaches out and grips his shoulder.

The motion seems to shock both of them, but Maura doesn't remove her hand, and after a moment, Tommy continues.

"So I jumped the fence too. But Bella was so happy to see me, she ran towards me. She ran towards _Daniel. _And all I could think was that I fucked up again. I made it _easier for him to come and..." _

"No," Maura says softly.

But Tommy shakes his head, his voice thick. "So I grabbed at Daniel, but he already had Isabelle's arm. And when I threw him back, he brought her with him, and her head hit the fence and..." But Tommy is crying now, And Maura puts her other hand on his arm.

"It wasn't your fault."

...

_"It wasn't your fault, Danny. Your father is a bad man and he did awful things, but you don't have to be like him. You're not like him." _

_"How would you know? You ARE HIM." _

_Jane puts her firearm down slowly. "No. I'm not. I love my little girls. I tell them every day that I love them. And I love their mother and I would never let anything happen to any of them." _

_"LIAR." _

_"And I'm not going to let anything happen to you anymore, alright? Your father's going to prison. Where he belongs. And we're going to get you well." _

_"You're lying."_

_..._

_Jane swallows, holding out her hands. "You have no reason to trust me, Danny. I know you've been hurt so badly. I know he took your mother away. But I'm not lying to you. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, honey. You just have to put down the night stick." _

_For a moment they just stand there, the detective and this boy, both of them breathing hard. _

_And then Daniel begins to lower the night stick. _

_and one single shot rings out through the air._

...

"I'm so sorry, Tommy." Maura grips her brother in law's arm tightly, watching as he wipes his eyes with his free hand. "I'm so-"

"It's not like I didn't give you reason. And Daniel ran off when you came running. I shoulda gone after him."

"You stayed to make sure your niece was alright."

"That scream," Tommy says, and Maura nods. She knows. "Maura I know that you're afraid of me."

Maura sighs. and her hand starts to move unconsciously, rubbing at the knots in his shoulder. "I was, yes. Especially that Thanksgiving I was pregnant and you relapsed."

Tommy looks away, and Maura squeezes his arm. "Statistics say that young men who come from broken homes, who suffer abuse, who are incarcerated at a young age, have very little control over their own cognitive functions. Studies show that these young men are volatile, unstable, and often have drug and alcohol problems."

She hesitates, because this is the part where Jane usually tells her to skip to the bottom line. But Tommy just nods, waiting for her to continue.

"I think of how Daniel turned out, and what Artie did to him, and I think of Frank..."

Tommy tenses.

"I was scared that you couldn't overcome that. I was so wrong, Tommy, and...I hope that you'll forgive me. I hope that you'll come home with me now and have dinner with us."

She stands, and after a moment, Tommy stands too.

"You know the difference between me and Daniel McMurphy, don't you Maura?" he says, as they head towards her car.

And Maura smiles as they say it together.

"Jane."

...

"_You killed is mother in front of him. You turned him into a monster. I hope they give you the needle," Jane snarls, and as if to punctuate her point, Frost slams McMurphy into the wall, snapping the handcuffs in place. _

"_Detective?" Jane snaps her attention back to the young man in front of her. His eyes closing. _

"_Hang in there, honey, hang in there. Can you hear the sirens? They're coming. You're gonna be okay." _

_"Do you sing to your little girl?" _

_"...Yes. When she gets in bed at night." _

_"My mom...always would...something about the moon...can you.." _

_Jane puts her hand on his head, her other hand pressing harder against the bullet wound. _

_"I see the moon and the moon sees me. The moon sees the someone I want to see. God bless the moon and God bless me. And God bless the someone..." _

_But he's gone. _

_And Jane can't finish._

* * *

Jane doesn't cry or run to meet him when Tommy walks through he door that evening. She embraces her wife and says, "you found him," Then she pulls away and reaches up to cup her brother's face in her hands. They look at each other for a long time. Until Tommy pulls his sister into a hug, and the detective rests her head on his chest and closes her eyes.

when he releases her, she looks up at him "There's some little girls in the living room who are very interested to talk to you," She says, her voice tight with emotion.

"yeah?" Tommy says nervously.

"Yes. They've been hearing about a Knight who used to travel the land on wondrous quests, and they would really like to get the story first hand."

Tommy looks like he could cry, and Jane has to give him a little push to get him moving.

She stands in the doorway and watches as her children jump into their uncle's lap and he begins to tell them the familiar bedtime story that his sister would always tell him.

"And Sir Tommy set off to rescue the princesses Iz and Fia. That's you guys. I'm going to rescue you, so don't worry, okay?"

Jane feels Maura wrap her arms around her waist, and she leans back against the doctor.

"You're amazing, Jane Rizzoli," she whispers.

Jane nods.

"Just like my brother."

* * *

**Okay. You guys are so. so. SO amazing. Thank you for all of your kind words and encouragement Tam, Aishax, spykerlicious. WELCOME! Thank you. thank you so much. **

**you wonderful crazies jmpack, jobee, davis, ts, sockslost, heatwave, cstarj, who've stuck with me since the beginning. There's some throwbacks to Just Give Me in here, at the end. Gotta love Sir Tommy. **

**AE, Fallen Austin, I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Anyfey, I hope it turned out alright for you. I was unhappy with the way I left it with tommy in my epilogue, thought we needed some more closure...**

**ximebeach DANG straight, gurl. lol. **

**4 chapters and 80 reviews. more than 100 followers. You guys continue to blow me away with your support and your feedback. please never stop. **

**happy reading!**

**t.c.**


	5. Chapter 5

Jane stares at the front of the refrigerator, completely forgetting what she needed inside.

"Maura, why is Georgette Wilkin's Card on the fridge?"

There is silence, and Jane turns to look at her children, sitting by themselves in their booster seats at the dining room table. They look back at her.

"Maur?"

Maura appears around the corner from the living room looking guilty. "I thought it might be a good thing to hold on to," she says after a moment.

Jane sets a plastic plate of eggs down in front of each child. "And why is that?" Jane asks, ruffling Isabelle's hair. "Care to share?"

Maura glances at the girls, looking back and forth between their parents.

"I don't know Jane. It's possible that some day...in the future...we might need a new," she pauses, "h-o-m-e." she spells.

"ho," Says Isabelle turning to look expectantly at Sofia.

Sofia crinkles her brow, "me" she says.

"Homie" Isabelle says. "What's Homie, Mommy?"

Both women look at their children, shocked, before Jane starts to laugh, "Oh, My God!"

Maura looks at them, flabbergasted. "How did you..."  
But Jane hugs and kisses each girl, her face shining with happiness, and after a moment, Maura smiles too. "well, there goes spelling," she says, pretending to huff. She kisses each of her children on the head as well. "Eat your food, Fia, don't play with it," she follows Jane through to the kitchen, both keeping an eye on the girls at the table.

"You want to move?" Jane's voice is low.

"I don't know, Jane. I hadn't thought about it seriously until Georgette handed me her card."

Jane leans against the sink, "we don't need a new place Maura, this place is fine."

"It's too small, Jane. We don't even have a guest room."

"We have a pull out in the study."

"When was the last time you saw the floor of the study?" Maura slips an arm around Jane's waist. "We promised the girls bunk beds when they turned five, and that room is not really big enough. Why shouldn't we _look _at least."

Jane sighs, "I love our house Maur," She says, "We've been here since you came back. We have so many memories here."

Maura smiles, "I'm not saying we should sell it tomorrow Jane, I'm saying we should consider the fact that we're going to need some place bigger in the not so distant future.

Jane runs a hand through her hair, looking nervous. Maura frowns, she looks more nervous than this situation calls for. "Jane. Talk to me. What's happening in there," She taps Jane's forehead. Jane makes an irritable motion.

"Honey, I'm not suggesting we move to China. We could stay in Cambridge or Chestnut Hill. Beacon Hill if you want to be in the city." Maura says this to try and assuage her wife's nerves, but it seems to only distress her more.

"You _have_ been thinking about this," Jane says, and her voice is more panicky than angry. "_Chestnut Hill?_"

"Well, _someone_ has to," Maura says exasperatedly. "We can't just-"  
"Mommy, Iz is a baddie!"

" 'M _not! _Fia's the one who _did _it,"

Maura throws up her hands, "_Honestly," _she sighs, heading into the dining room.

When she comes back, holding both the girl's plates, Jane puts up her hand to stop her.

"Later, Maur, okay? You've had way more time to think about this and I feel...blindsided, so...just later. After this case. After I figure out how to get to Georgette."

Maura sighs. "I didn't mean to blindside you, sweetheart, I thought it was apparent to you too."

But Jane waves her away, and Maura knows that she's not going to be able to get anywhere with this conversation now.

"Fine...Oh, Jane. I forgot. we're out of milk and applesauce and about everything else that the girls eat. Will you run to Fresh Market before you go home?"

"It's my day to pick up the girls."

"So bring them," Maura chuckles when Jane looks horrified. "It's not that difficult, and it's not a full shopping trip. Like...ten things. Tops."

"I can't, Maur. I just got them both new sneakers. How can things so tiny cost so much? I swear I could sew them a pair of shoes for way less..."

"Uch, Jane, just use the card I got you." She glances at Jane who looks like she's about to protest. "Jane. I know you hate the store, and I wouldn't ask you to go if I thought our children could make it until Thursday. But they can't. They are both in cognitive spurts and they need-"

"Yes, fine. Okay." Jane says, rubbing her hand across her face. Maura is about to ask her why she is in such a mood, but then the detective glances at her watch and nearly spits out her coffee.  
"_Shit!" _

_"Jane!" _

_"Maura! _We're crazy late. Car in three." she says as she follows Maura into the dining room to scoop up a child and rush towards the door.

* * *

"Isabelle come here and get in the cart," Jane grabs her daughter as she whizzes by, sweeping her off her feet and settling her in the shopping cart.

"Mommy says we're not 'posed to sit in the cart part, Ma," Sofia says. "It's 'gainst the rules."

"I'm sure that's true, baby girl, but Mommy would like it even less if one of you got hurt or lost, and I only have two arms."

"Mommy only has two arms," Isabelle says reasonably, "and she don't let us in here."

"Doesn't," Jane says absently, "And would you race around the store yelling like a banshee if Mommy was here?"

Both girls look horrified and Jane grins because she knows that they are picturing her wife's expression when she means business.

"exactly." She points to a box of cheerios as they pass by, and Sofia reaches out to grab it and hands it to Isabelle. "Besides, we've got a good system goin' here."

"good system goin'" says Isabelle, sounding so italian, that Jane nearly trips.

"You," she says, laughing, "Are hanging out with your uncle far too much. Do not let your Gramma hear you say anything with that accent. She'll have you removed from my custody."

Jane is still laughing when a voice behind her makes her turn around.

"Jane? Jane Rizzoli?"

Jane spins.

"Domi!" Isabelle cries reaching out for him, and the Man smiles and walks towards the, reaching for her.

But Jane steps in front of the cart, blocking him. "Can I help you?"

"Jane! It's me! Dominick Bianchi! Oh my Gosh, it's wonderful to see you, I think about you _all_ the time..."

Jane shakes her head carefully, to show she doesn't recognize him, and no _way _is he touching her child. But Dominick spreads his arms out wide, "You used to come to Bianchi's bakery all the time? You used to love ciabatta rolls..." he starts to nod enthusiastically as recognition crosses Jane's face. "Yeah!" he says, his face turning pink, "You remember. Of course you do."

"Dominick," Jane says, "It's nice to see you again." She smiles politely.

"Domi! Where's my bagel?" Isabelle pipes up from behind her mother, and Jane moves so that they can both look down at the little girls.

"It's not your day, Izzy, I didn't expect you to be here." He smiles widely, "These are Maura Isles' girls. I didn't realize you knew her! Gosh, it's good to se you. Of course, I knew you'd come eventually. Gosh! What are you doing Jane, babysitting?"

Jane raises an eyebrow, "No, no, These are _my_ kids. Mine and Maura's. I assume you see them here with her every Thursday..." Jane's smile falters as she watches Dominick's expression.

His face slides for a moment, as though he's about to get sick, "y-yours and...M-Maura's. She never mentioned that _you_ were her..I just...Oh. _Oh!_ So you're..." but he glances at the kids and then turns red. "OH! Okay."

Jane's face is darkening quickly, and Dominick seems to realize that he is on thin ice because he forces a smile, "That's great, Jane. I didn't realize that you'd gotten...that you'd had _girls. _Gosh, I'll have to speak to Maura, the next time I see her, I mean. Married. Wow. I'm so happy for you."

Jane opens her mouth to speak. but seems to think better of it. She just shakes her head, trying again. "Right. well it was great to see you again, Dominick. Take care." she says, and the turns around and pushes her cart away, not turning around even when Dominick calls after her.

"Maaa, I wanted my bagel," Isabelle says sadly, although she looks a little apprehensive at the glower on her mother's face.

"I'll get you a bagel on the way home, Iz, okay?"

"Aren't we getting foods, Mama?" Isabelle asks as her mother lifts her from the cart.

"No. Not here," Jane tries to put Sofia down, but she clings, and Jane sighs, settling her on her hip and reaching for Isabelle's hand "We'll go across to Joe's."

"Mommy says Joe's is not as organs," Sofia says softly, her hand playing with her mother's hair.

"Organic."

"organs nick."

"Closer."

Sofia touches her mother's jaw. "You mad Mama?" Between the two of her children, Sofia is the most observant. The quickest to pick up on facial expressions.

"Yes, honey, but not at you guys."

Sofia grunts as she puts her head back down on her mother's shoulder, "I see," she says like a much older person. "a perp."

* * *

They bring the masks home, and give them to Isabelle and Sofia, and something about watching them run through the house in them, with Jo Friday barking at their heels, makes the nightmare of the evening fade away.

"Should we have like...sanitized them before letting them play with them?" Jane whispers, smiling as Isabelle pretends to fly.

"_we _were wearing them," Maura whispers back. "any germs they have on them were most likely already here."

"Yeah...but...Ew. Is it weird to let them play with those?"

"Do you want to explain why we're taking them away?"

"Touche"

Jane smiles, and slips her arm around Maura, who feels her muscles begin to loosen. She is unsure how they ever coped with cases before their children. Sofia and Isabelle seem to give their lives not only purpose, but direction.

"Oh," Jane says, "I forgot to tell you. I met Dominick Bianchi at Fresh Market, yesterday."

Maura thinks, "Oh, the man who gives the girls bagels?"

"Yeah. He thought I was the _babysitter," _Jane fixes Maura with a playful look, "Are you neglecting to mention me to every single stock boy you meet, Dr. Isles?"

Maura chuckles.

"I think he must be in love with you, anyway. He seemed totally put out that we were married. At first I thought he was homophobic, but now I think that's what it is."

Maura leans in to kiss Jane's neck, "I'm sorry. The next time I interact with anyone, I'll make sure to use my ring hand."

Jane growls softly, causing Maura to gasp. She hasn't heard that sound in a very long time. "Good. I want everyone to know that you're mine."

She presses her lips to Maura's, hard enough that the doctor has to bite back a moan, and then with a wicked grin, she stands.

"Okay, my tiny, tiny mites. Bed time."

...

"I can't afford a new house, Maur."

Maura pulls back from Jane's neck mid kiss, surprised. "What?"

"I-I can't afford a new house. A bigger house than this. _This_ house, even."

Maura rolls on top of Jane, looking down into worried brown eyes. She wants to say the right thing to set her wife's mind at ease. Instead what comes out of her mouth is, "I know, Jane."

This makes the detective flush with a mixture of anger and embarrassment, and Maura bends to kiss her, trying to smooth her words with her lips.

"No, No," she says quickly, "That's not what I meant, honey. I just meant that I don't expect you to-"

"But that's the thing. You don't expect anything from me. You-" Jane falters, and Maura puts her hand against Jane's cheek. "You pay for everything Maura," Jane says miserably. "And you don't expect me to. And I know it shouldn't matter. And sometimes it doesn't matter at all. But other times it makes me feel like..."

Maura leans down and kisses Jane softly, "Less of a provider?"

Jane blushes, but doesn't deny it.

"_You_ solved this case. You got us Georgette's prints on the card, _and_ you got us in to talk to Georgette at that club. _You _got us undercover at the house, _you_ noticed the ring and it's worth. Those are all things I wouldn't have been able to do because I'm not..."

But Maura is shaking her head, and she traces Jane's jaw with her finger. Jane sighs. "It's not even the case. It's that the case made me realize that I can't...provide for my kids the way you can. and it makes me feel..." Jane struggles, seeming to have worn out her power to explain.

Maura kisses Jane's chin.

"last weekend, on the playground, Sofia was crying because Isabelle could go higher than she could on the swings. What did you tell her?"

Jane shakes her head, unable to remember.

"You told her, 'you're a Rizzoli and you're and Isles, nugget, figure it out.'"

Jane smiles, "she figured it out."

"What did you say to Isabelle?"

"I told her not to leave her sister behind."

"You said that she was a Rizzoli and and Isles and that meant she could never leave her family behind."

"Same thing. Maur what does this have to-"

"What was your first reaction, yesterday morning, when we discovered that Isabelle and Sofia can now _spell_ common words?"

Maura rolls her eyes as Jane laughs, "It's so great! They're so smart!"

"Yes!" Maura says, "They're smart and determined and loyal and clever. Those are all things that money couldn't buy them. Things that I couldn't financially provide for them if I tried."

She bends down and kisses Jane again, "I have money because my parents had a disastrous marriage that resulted in me inheriting young. I will happily support those children with shoes and food and a bigger house. But don't you dare say that you don't provide for them. Don't you dare. You give them more than money ever could. Every day."

Jane smiles, pulling Maura down on top of her, slipping her hands under her shirt.  
"I love you."

Maura smiles and sighs against her wife. Feeling long fingers slide down her stomach to the waist band of her sleep pants.

"I know...But I'm pretty sure it's just for my cash."

The shriek of laughter that is pulled from Maura's throat as Jane tickles her suddenly, is muffled by the detectives lips,

and their children, mercifully, sleep on.

* * *

**hiya! I hope everyone in the US had a really great, really filling thanksgiving. Mine was quite lazy and quite wonderful. quick author's note that we are about to be into Crazy for You, which will stretch a couple chapters, and is very AU. I just find it ridiculous that Jane was kidnapped and rescued within 6 hours or so...so dumb. **

**Anyway. I can't believe how many comments you insane lovely people have left me. PMs and reviews. I am in awe. **

**Tam! thanks for coming out of the peanut gallery to comment. it means so much! julez, ximebeach,jmpack, becca, nikki, steph, heatwave, bookiewookie, I'm glad you liked what I did with Tommy. I was unhappy with the closure he got in my first fic. needed to solidify. **

**for those of you that asked. Maura is going to meet Hope...I have plans...Hope you'll bear with me (bad pun..) **

**AE, first review again. and again brought tears to my eyes. Fallen austin, is it weird that you point out things and then I go back and read and am like...oh yeah! lol. **

**anyfey, glad you hung in there...hope you've buckled your seat belt or secured your safety harness or what have you, because Dominick is crazy as Sh*t **

**happy reading!**

**t.c.**


	6. Chapter 6

They come. All of them. Angela and Frankie and Tommy. Even Constance comes, flying in on a red eye from Prague. They come and fill up her house. Taking care of her children and making sure that she is never alone.

And after them, as the hours creep by with no sign of Jane or Dominick, more people come. People who Jane has touched, most of whom Maura barely knows.

Twenty six hours and the house is so full with a rotating group of cops and family, that every time she turns around someone is asking her if she's alright. Can they get her something? does she need to sit down?

Angela sits on the couch, Isabelle in her lap, reading to her from a book that Maura doesn't recognize. She glances up as though she feels Maura's eyes on her, and tries to smile, but doesn't succeed.

Still Maura feels grateful. Angela has managed to pull herself together for her grandchildren. It's more than she would have expected.

Cops that Jane knew at the academy tell her that they're sweeping buildings in Chelsea on their shifts. The wives of officers she's met once offer to babysit her children.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine." She's stuck on repeat, and she can tell by their faces that they don't believe her.

Good, she's never been a very convincing liar, why should she start now. She rounds the corner from the kitchen and two detectives whose names she should know fall silent, looking at her apologetically.

They're treating her like Jane is already gone.

She knows the statistics on abductions. If there's no ransom call then chances are... Maura pushes the studies aside, blinking back tears.

"Frost, she's smart, and she's strong. She'll stay alive until we find her. Dominick loves her...he wouldn't..."

Frost nods, and she notices that his arm is at her elbow, holding her up. "We'll find her," he says.

They're at the door, Frost going back to continue to analyze the radius of the search party.

in the day that Jane has been missing they've managed to sweep two hundred vacant buildings looking for any sign of Dominick. There are still Six hundred and fifty left to go in Chelsea.

_And she could be across Chelsea creek too. _Maura had heard Korsak telling him, _there' s over three hundred over there. _

"Mommy, who's all these folks," Sofia asks her. The little girl has procured a cupcake from somewhere. Maura doesn't have the energy to tell her to put it back.

"Friends of Mama's."

Sofia digests this information, eyes on her mother's face. "Where's Mama?"

Maura takes a deep breath steeling herself to lie to her daughter.

"Sofia, come here sweet heart, come see what Gramma's got for you," Constance calls, and Sofia turns away before Maura can answer.

_Your Mama is on a trip. But she loves you very very much and she'll be home as soon as she can. _

...

She locks herself in the bathroom and rests her hands on the sink.

She sobs, just two short bursts, without tears. Jane's absence doesn't make her feel like crying. It makes her feel raw and empty and inside. Like she could open her mouth and you'd be able to see something smoldering.

She closes her eyes. shutting them so tightly that little stars pop behind her eyelids.

She opens them and looks at herself in the mirror.

She doesn't know herself.

Not without Jane.

* * *

_Maura can tell by the heavy fall of Jane's boots that she's miffed. She wonders vaguely if there's enough time for her to hide herself in one of the supply closets, and avoid her wife for the time being, but ultimately she decides against it. _

_"Detective," she says, not looking up, and the footsteps stop abruptly. _

_"Doctor," Jane's voice is teasing._

_"Can I help you with something?" Maura's concentrating hard on the incision she's making in the lung. _

_" Two things, I think...Why didn't you tell me you got a new phone?" _

_Maura puts down her scalpel and looks up. "What?" _

_Jane holds up her own cell. "We're out of cereal," she says, "first of all, that's impossible unless our children are secretly The Hulk, second of all, why did you get a 314 number...that's like...New York." _

_"Upstate New York, almost Canada. I haven't changed my phone number, Jane." _

_Jane looks at her phone, her confusion turning to annoyance. "Well I know one pissed dude in Potsdam who's coming home to a cereal-less house." _

_Maura rolls her eyes, and bends to start her work again "Jane," _

_"Ugh, Maura isn't there some kind of middle ground?" _

_Maura sets her scalpel down again, unable to hide her smile. Here is the real reason for the angry stomping. _

_"A middle ground between what two things, honey?" _

_"Not...breeding," she scrunches up her face, "And...wives are for kids." _

_Maura sighs heavily. "Of course there is a middle ground Jane. Statistically speaking, the middle ground you're talking about is actually the common ground. Most women are mothers and most mothers work. It disproves both Dr. Parker's and your suspect's theories." _

_Jane rolls her shoulders, "Wackjobs can't have theories Maura." She says irritably. _

_The doctor frowns, "Well, certainly they can-"_

_But Jane jumps down from the table with a loud thump, looking disgruntled. She heads towards the door. "I'm gonna go and see if Korsak and Frost got to the judge yet." _

_"Jane..." Maura follows the detective to the door, "what is this really about?" _

_Jane sighs, rubbing her hands. "You should have heard her Maur, you're not a mother if you didn't carry. And neither of you stays at home...how odd." Jane's voice goes high and patronizing with her impression, and Maura can't help but feel herself get a little warm around the collar. _

_"Well," she says carefully, "when her home schooled children are all ill prepared to face the world and become murders and cult leaders, you can lock them up without any guilt." she says, and Jane's eyes go wide before she bursts into laughter. _

_"I love you so much," she says, pulling out her phone as it buzzes. Annoyance crosses her face again. "Well, looks like my man won't be getting his dry cleaning either." she smiles. "See ya, Maur, let me know if you have anything." _

_And the Doctor nods, not bothering to watch her wife go._

_Forgetting to say I love you. _

* * *

Maura stands, transfixed. Horrified. There are a million things about the video feed that should disturb her, but all she can see at the moment is Jane's outfit, and one sentence runs back and forth through her head, _he changed her clothes. He changed her clothes he changed her he..._

_"_Holy shit," Frost swears from behind her.

_Jane. _She's asleep, though Maura thinks that she must be drugged because there's no way that anyone could sleep in the position that she's in, spread out like that.

She twitches a little and the hand cuffs clank softly against the head board.

_Jane. _

...

_"Would you let me handcuff you?"_

_"To what?"_

_"I don't know. the bed?"_

_"Maybe. would it be worth it?"_

_ Maura bites at Jane's neck, making the taller woman jump underneath her._

_"I'm always worth it." _

...

"No sign of Dominick," Korsak says from behind her. "We can only hope he comes back and lets slip where they are."

On the monitor, Jane twitches again and groans. "nuggets," she mumbles, and her eyes open sleepily. She pulls at her arm. Maura watches the hand cuff swivel.

"What..."

Jane tries the other arm, and her head spins slowly to look at what's holding her back. She stares at her hand cuffed wrist for a long time, clearly trying to make sense of what she's seeing. And then her eyes swing around to take in the rest of the room, her expression clouded and confused.

"Jane," Maura says quietly, feeling a rumbling in her chest. "She was drugged. definitely," she says louder, to the room at large. "She's got good motor control, even if her movements are limited. I would say a drug used for paralysis but not neurological purposes."

"I'll look and see if any medical supply stores are missing anything that matches that." Frost says, but just then a door opens at the side of the screen and Dominick steps in. His face is one of pure ecstasy as he sits down on the edge of the bed and pushes Jane's hair away from her face.

She looks at him and her eyes go from confused to fear to anger faster than Maura has ever seen.

"Dominick!"

His smile widens, "You remembered me!"

"Let me go, you asshole," she spits, and Dominick's smile falls off his face. He blushes crimson and his features twist with anger as he reaches out and slaps her hard across the face.

Maura gasps, putting her hand to her own face as though she can feel the stinging. she sinks into a chair.

"Now, now," Dominick says, "What kind of way is that to speak to your husband?"

* * *

_"We're missing something," Jane says, shoving her phone back in her pocket with a roll of her eyes. _

_"Again?" Maura says. Jane nods, but waves her away. "Maur, we're missing something. Dr. Parker called me three times in one week. Why would a psychiatrist call me that many times." _

_"Are you a patient of Dr. Parker's?"_

_"Yes, Maura, and I also moonlight as an exotic dancer," Jane huffs, "You think you wouldn't know if I were going to a psychiatrist? You know when I move your toothbrush." _

_"That is an exaggeration." _

_"Not a big one." Jane nudges Maura and chuckles._

_"Well, a psychiatrist is obligated to notify the authorities if his patient has become homicidal or is a danger to society in some way."_

_"Okay, and that would make sense if I'd ever spoken three words to Dr. Parker. Why'd he call me?" _

_Maura has no answer. _

_Jane sighs. "Okay. I'm going back to the crime scene." _

_"You've been there about a hundred times. _

_"I know," Jane says, and Maura recognizes that slightly manic look that the detective gets when she's decided to put her foot down. "But we're missing something and I have to figure out what it is." _

_"Fine," Maura says, resigned, "Go do your gumshoe thing. Check in please. If you're going to be late."_

_"Yes ma'am," Jane calls over her shoulder. "I love you." _

_..._

_Maura picks picks up the bag of Dr. Parkers personal effects. She glances down through the plastic wrap at the miscellaneous items that had come out of his pockets, and something catches her eye. She looks closer. It's the edge of a business card, bright green and extremely familiar. _

_She opens the bag carefully and slips the card out. _

**Bianchi's Bakery**

**Now in Chelsea! **

**Ask about our Famous Ciabatta Rol**_ls. _

_Maura feels herself stop breathing. "Oh...My..." She runs for the elevator, pulling out her phone as she goes and dialing Jane's number. _

_"You've reached Jane Rizzoli, I'm not available right-"  
"Damn it, Jane," Maura swears, punching the elevator button again, before racing for the stairs. _

_She bursts into the bull pen, out of breath and holding her heels in her hands. _

_"Barry!" _

_Frost stands, looking concerned, "Maura?" _

_"Dominick Bianchi. Tell me he's not one of Dr. Parker's patients." _

_Frost looks down at his screen and types a few things. He looks up at her to answer, but she can read it all over his face. _

_Maura feels like something inside of her is falling. Crashing down. Leaving her forever._

* * *

The medical examiner sees the exact moment that Jane realizes she's being filmed. She sees Jane's eyes get wide and then flick up towards the camera hidden in the light fixture. For a moment, it seems like they are looking at each other. Like she is looking into her wife's eyes, the same way they do via computer when Maura is at a conference.

Jane can't see her, but she knows her wife is there.

_Maura. _

her mouth moves over the name, and tears spring to the doctor's eyes immediately. It's been two full days. Forty nine hours.

Jane looks exhausted and weak and completely unlike herself in those awful pink heels and floor length skirt.

"Frost find her. Find her through that thing."

There is the sound of frantic typing behind her, but she can't tear her eyes away from Jane.

"You and I are meant to be together. I knew the moment I saw you in the grocery. You'd come for me." Dominick is saying now, and Jane's eyes follow him as he crawls up the bed.

"Did you feel it too, Jane? When you saw me?"

Jane hesitates, and Maura takes a shuddering breath. She knows that the detective understands that her best chance of survival is to play along with Dominick's fantasy. But Maura also knows that Jane is wonderful and brave...and fiercely loyal.

"Say yes, sweetheart," Maura says as though Jane can hear her, not caring if the others in the room hear her. "Say yes, Jane, it's okay. Please."

But she hesitates too long, and Dominick grabs her face, pulling towards him. Her shoulders are pulled back, her hands still in the cuffs, so she looks like a bird that has just taken flight. Her face contorts in pain. "I asked you a _question_," he hisses. "Did you know we were going to be together the moment you saw me in the grocery?" He spaces his words out evenly, as though he thinks that maybe her failure to answer him was from lack of understanding.

"Did you KNOW?"

"Say _yes!" _Maura cries at the monitor. "_Please!" _

_"_Yes," Jane's voice is low and furious, and definitely unconvincing, but Dominick doesn't seem to notice. He looks happy again. child like. Jane watches this change in demeanor, calculating.

"Good girl," Maura chokes out, momentary relief flooding her, "good girl. You stay alive. Don't you dare die."

Frost is at her side. "Maura,"

"Find her," Maura says, turning to the young detective, "There has to be a way that you can. Through his webcam. You have to..."

"I can't Maura, it's bouncing off of too many-"  
But she yanks herself away from him and turns back to the screen. Dominick has his head on her wife's shoulder, nuzzling into her neck, and Maura feels anger sweep through her with the force of a hurricane. only _her _head belongs on that shoulder, only her lips should...

"Oh, God." The anger she'd felt just a second ago evaporates as Dominick presses his lips to Jane's neck. Now it is just a hot sick in her stomach and a guilty rush of jealousy.

She doesn't notice the tiny moan that escapes her.

"Doctor, I don't think you should see-" Korsak moves towards her, but she bats him away. Now that she can see her. Now that she knows that Jane is _alive_, there is no way that she's leaving.

But Dominick's hand slips under Jane's shirt, and Maura's cry of "NO!" is muffled by Jane's cry of "Dominick!"

He pulls away from her, "yes, darling?"

Jane's eyes move across the webcam again, "I-I'm hungry."

Dominick's eyes light up. "Finally! I have something on the stove I can heat up, you wait right there."

Like she could do anything else.

The door shuts, and locks.

Jane's eyes find the camera immediately

"Frost. I know you can see me. You're fucking amazing at your job so I know you can see me and I know you're going to find me. okay? Find me, Frost. Find me."  
She closes her eyes for a moment, and then looks back at the camera, "Maura, I love you. I love you, honey. Please understand, okay? I love you." she says, and Maura's nodding, tears dripping down her face, although she doesn't she doesn't know why she has to understand. Doesn't know what's coming.

Jane's eyes harden ever so slightly, and shift a little, as though she's looking at someone else in the room. "Frost. I'm your superior. I might be tied up like this but I'm still pulling rank. You take her out of there. Now. Here me? You take her out of there now. Do it."

Maura's eyes go wide as she understands what Jane is ordering her partner to do. "No!" She spins as Frost comes towards her, his face apologetic, but determined.

"Maur,"  
"NO. No I'm not leaving. I'm not."

"You're not torturing yourself. I won't let you. She's right."

She considers fighting him. She considers pulling back and punching him as hard as she can. She puts out her hands, and they are shaking. "No, please. I can't just..." But a loud bang and the sound of clattering china makes Maura whip around.

Dominick has come back in the room, kicking the door almost off it's hinges and throwing the tray of food aside, "Who. Are. You. TALKING TO?" He bellows launching himself across the room at Jane.

Maura screams. she can't help it.

Korsak rushes forward to grab her, as Frost tries desperately to pull the feed of the main monitor.

* * *

Angela is asleep in an armchair when Maura gets home. It's a little after two thirty in the morning.

They've been able to use the video footage to narrow the search radius down to sixty five buildings. Three teams, including one with Korsak and Frost are out there now. tearing Chelsea apart.

The older woman jerks awake as Maura puts her keys down on the table.

"Jane?" she says immediately

"Today," Maura says. She knows it with a certainty that is bordering on the supernatural. "They know the rough place. They've just got to find her."

Angels sits up. "Frankie said you could see her? You could see what was happening to her...is that-"

Maura shakes her head, "Don't think about it, Angela. Jane's strong and smart. She's going to be okay." She takes her phone out of her pocket and places it in the middle of the coffee table. Frost had promised to call the moment they had her. The moment they were on their way...to the hospital. Maura realizes with a jolt that even if Jane is not seriously injured she'll still need to go there.

Even if she's not...  
Maura closes her eyes.

After a second, she feels Angela's hand closing around hers. Her eyes snap open and she looks into the older woman's face, wondering at the genes that gave all the Rizzoli's the same eyes.

"You couldn't have prevented this," she says quietly. "And you couldn't have gone with them."

Maura looks away, and Angela squeezes her hand.

"You know, people always ask me how you two got together," she says after a moment, "You and Jane," Maura looks back at Angela with wide eyes.

Angela chuckles, "You seem so different. Like fire and ice. But you're really exactly the same." Angela nods as Maura looks disbelieving, "Caring, affectionate, selfless, strong. You could have fallen apart these last three days. Gotten in bed and done nothing." Angela shrugs as Maura looks horrified.  
"other people have certainly done it. Hell when Frank left I could barely function. But you didn't. You got up. You fed your kids. You did everything you could to find her. You didn't stop functioning."

Maura blinks rapidly and Angela reaches out with her other hand to cup Maura's cheek. "Honey, Jane would be so proud of you. She is going to be so proud of you. Just like you're fighting to stay okay for her, she's fighting to stay alive for you. And she's going to come back."

Angela dips her head to catch Maura's eye.

"She's going to come back."

As if brought to life by the sound of these words, Maura's phone slides along the table, lighting up and buzzing.

For a second, before Maura snatches it up and places it to her ear, both women read the name on the caller ID.

Barry Frost.

* * *

**oh dominick you crazy ass. Crazy For You Pt. I **

**Kaseyj29: ...yep. lisahomeandaway! welcome back! Thank you. JMpack, TVcrazed emerald demona, heatwave, cstarj, anyfey, hope this beginning lived up to your expectations. **

**starcatcherdreamchaser...thanks you so much for your great feedback. you should see a lot more development of Angela in the coming chapters. And of Frost as Jane recovers. **

**AE. you da best and i cry tears every time. you review so fast. Davislp if I were head writer on the show I would already be fired for egging Jtams house. lol Jobee aww! I owe you some mail. definitely. also theres no such thing as a late review. **

**we've got some angst coming, friends, you had to know it was on the horizon. **

**happy reading**

**tc**


	7. Chapter 7

**TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse abduction, mentions of rape (but it doesn't actually happen) and sexual assault. I'm sorry if that's a spoiler for some of you. but I feel like I should put it right out there, as in my other fics. no one gets raped. I don't write rapes. so...yeah. But let this stand as you trigger warning. this is a sad, possibly upsetting chapter.**

* * *

"Rosario's team found her. Bound in a back room," Frost wipes his hands across his face. He looks at Maura and she reaches out and grasps his arm.

"Barry. You have to tell me. I need to know."  
Korsak had dragged her out of the room shortly after Dominick had thrown himself at Jane. She'd stayed outside the door for hours, not above begging to be let in. _Is she alive. You have to tell me if she's alive. Please God, let her be alive._

She hadn't been able to get Jane's face out of her mind. Her expression was one of deepest terror.  
"Just tell me, Frost." She says, now. Reaching out to hold Angela's hand. They'd broken every speed limit getting here, running red lights and daring any cop to pull them over.  
"He beat her, Maura. Pretty badly," His voice cracks as he looks at Angela. "We got there as soon as we could, and she was stable in the ambulance, but I don't know..." He trails off and clenches his jaw, trying to get his emotion under control.  
Maura squeezes his arm. "It's okay. It's okay, you did everything you could. And she's here. She's alive. She's going to be okay."  
"They won't tell me or Korsak anything because we're not family, so I don't know..." But the Doctor approaches them then,  
"Jane Rizzoli?"  
"Me," Maura says, stepping forward, her heart beating so hard in her chest she's sure that everyone else can hear it. " That's my Wife, Jane is my-" Maura falters, blinking back tears, "Can I see her? Is she okay? I need to see her."  
The doctor hesitates, gesturing to a door off the waiting room. "Will you step in here with me, Ms.-"  
"Dr. Maura Isles. This is Angela Rizzoli her mother, and we both agree that anything you're going to tell us, you can tell Detectives Korsak and Frost. They're her partners and her family, the same as I am."  
"Doctor-" the Attending falters, hesitating. Maura feels the walls start to close in.  
"Is. She. okay?" Maura is already done with this woman. "Can I see her."  
"You can go in and see her, of course, she's been restrained and sedated. It was necessary in order for us to-"  
But Maura cuts across her, feeling rage and panic in equal measures pounding through her. "Are you INSANE? You restrained her? Do you have any idea what she's been through? Did you bother to listen to the paramedics when they brought her in?"  
"She was fighting our ER Doctors and our nurses we didn't have-"  
"OF COURSE you had a choice," Frost grabs Maura to keep her from advancing on the woman. "She's been drugged and bound for three days. She's been beaten and who knows what else at the hands of a delusional psychopath. Of course she fought the doctors. She had no idea what was happening." Maura yanks her arm out of Frosts, and takes a step forward, "Now, I don't have any idea who the hell you think you are, but you will take me to her room right now, and you will turn of her sedation meds and you will take her restraints off her, do you understand? And you will be lucky that I'm not reporting you to the medical board." Maura curls her fists, pointing one finger at the doctor's heart, "Take me to Jane. Right now."  
The Doctor in front of her knows enough to simply nod and turn. And Maura follows her, cold fury keeping her steady.

* * *

_Her hands are above her, bound together and tied tight to something. Her feet just touch the ground. She tries to move her head but it is heavy. Too heavy. She rests it against her arm, working on opening her eyes._  
_"Janie," Someone is calling her. "Janie wake up honey. It's time to marry me. It's time to get married honey."_  
_"Maura," Jane's mouth feels like it's full of cotton. Is it her wedding? No. She already had that. "Maur," she says a little more clearly._  
_WHAP! Sharp burning pain shoots through her back and she cries out._  
_"NO!" The voice comes again. Angry. "Dominick. I'M your husband. And we're getting married, NOW. So open your eyes. I want to see your eyes as we get married._  
_Jane opens her eyes with immense difficulty._  
_Dominick Bianchi._ A dark room. The bright red of a chrysanthemum corsage.  
_She shuts them again, flexing her fingers, already going numb. He's tied her. He's...Her brain is sluggish in putting the pieces together._  
_She'd needed to get to the crime scene. The truck had been in the way. He'd offered her ciabatta rolls..._  
_"Dr. Parker says we could never be together. Well, I'd like to see the look on his face now. You're right here. and You're going to marry ME!" His voice is gleeful._  
_There it is again. marry me._  
_Jane frowns. She's already married. She's married to "Maura," this last part comes out of her mouth. Clear and simple. Married, Maura. her wife._  
_WHAP! Her back burns and she feels something hot drip down her shoulder blade._  
_"STOP" WHAP! "SAYING" WHAP "THAT." WHAP._  
_Jane doesn't feel the last blow. She is already unconscious again._

* * *

She's asleep in the bed. No, she's not asleep, she's drugged. _Again, _Maura reminds herself as she rushes to Jane's bedside. Angela had faltered at the doorway, looking nervous. "You go first Maura," she'd said, gripping the doctor's hand briefly. "Just go in there and...and..." But she can't go on, and Maura understands. Transferring her mother in law's hands to Korsak's, she steps inside the room. The nurse is busy unbuckling Jane's restraints, and Maura sits on the edge of the bed and reaches out to wipe the hair out of Jane's face. She's pale and sweaty, her chest rising and falling rapidly, like she's dreaming. "I want to see her chart," she says to the nurse as she releases Jane's left hand.  
"Oh-" the nurse falters.  
"Maria, it's alright, you can give Dr. Isles her chart," The attending says, and Maura realizes that she doesn't know the woman's name.  
"Thank you," she says, hesitating and the Attending nods.  
"Ames. Lila Ames." She pauses in the door, watching Maura take Jane's hand and bring it to her lips.  
"Sweet girl," Maura whispers, kissing her wife's fingers, black and blue. "You're going to be okay."  
The nurse hands her the chart and Maura takes it without taking her eyes from Jane's face.  
"We turned off the sedative, she should come around within the hour," Dr. Ames says, and Maura looks around, seemingly surprised that she's there.  
"Thank you...And I apologize for earlier. I-"  
But Dr. Ames shakes her head. "I understand...it's nothing. And she is...going to be okay."  
At this Maura flips open the chart, beginning to read. Dr. Ames sees her try to keep herself under control. "There are several injuries," She says quietly, and Maura nods, her jaw working furiously, "But there's nothing that causes us great cause for concern."  
"The lacerations on her ribcage?"  
"Whip marks, I believe," Dr. Ames says and Maura winces, "37 stitches. butterfly bandages. They should heal quite nice-"  
"Did he rape her?" The words fall out of Maura's mouth before she can stop herself. She looks up at the doctor as though unsure that she wants an answer.  
"Doctor Isles,"  
Maura gasps, putting her hand to her throat, and a tear slips down her face. "He did, didn't he. He changed her clothes. The injuries to her legs and thighs," She shakes the file a little. "We have two children," She says, her voice just above a whisper. laden with tears. "We have twins, two little girls...How can I..."  
"Dr. Isles, I don't know," Dr. Ames says quickly moving forward to grip the woman's shoulder. "We didn't do an examination. She was too distraught and we need consent. I don't know what happened."  
Maura waves her away, shrugging off her hand and scooting so that she's lying next to her wife, not much caring if anyone sees her this way. Not caring much about anything except counting the breaths of the woman next to her. "Thank you. I'm sorry I just want-"  
But Dr. Ames understands. "Of Course. That red button there will call a nurse, should you need one," she says quietly, pulling the door to the room shut as she leaves.  
Maura kisses Jane's shoulder. "Jane," she says softly. "Can you hear me honey?" It doesn't feel real that she's there. The nightmare should have ended but it seems to still be present. Dominick, lurking in the corners of the hospital room. Maura shivers. "Jane." She links her fingers gently with her wife's, closing her eyes.

* * *

_Sometimes he forgets to inject her as often as he should, and there are times when she is almost lucid. Every part of her body aches. He muscles feel as though she's been running a marathon in a snow storm: Half sore half flu. Sometimes Dominick is there, trying to feed her, but she spits out his food and shakes her head, rattling her hand cuffs, aware that she doesn't even have the strength to accidentally dislocate her shoulder._

_She dreams wild fever dreams of her family. Running ahead of her, always just out of her reach, tantalizing._  
_**stay awake, stay alive, stay whole for them. Rizzoli. Stay awake**__._  
_Sometimes he comes back and lies down next to her, talking for hours. About his childhood and his parents. How everyone in school thought he was fat and uncoordinated. How no one wanted to play with him. How Jane had once punched a boy in the nose for giving him a wedgie._  
_Jane does not remember this, but she stares up at his face sliding in and out of focus, his fingers stroking her cheek. "You saved me Jane Rizzoli. And I loved you from that moment on. Dr. Parker couldn't see the love that we share for each other. He could only see that you were married. that you had children." He practically spits this last word._  
_Isabelle, Jane thinks, Sofia._  
_"Maura," it slips out, and she instantly regrets it. She didn't mean to do it, but an image of her wife on their wedding day comes to her unbidden. Two tears slip down her cheeks._  
_Dominick disappears and there is a sharp pain in her side, she feels her ribs crack._  
_She moans quietly._  
_The injection is in her neck this time. And she doesn't bother to fight it. She's so fucking tired._  
_"When you wake up, Jane. I'm going to make you truly mine. You'll forget all about her."_

* * *

The screaming of the heart monitor wakes her up and she reaches for Jane but realizes that the detective is not lying down, but sitting bolt upright in bed.  
"Jane," she sits up too, reaching for her. "Jane, it's alright."  
Jane flinches away from her, pulling her knees up to her chest. "No. Dominick, don't."  
Maura swings her feet over the side of the hospital bed and stands, rushing to the other side of the bed so that she can look into Jane's eyes. They're glassy and unseeing, and Maura realizes she's half dreaming.  
"Jane," she says firmly, and she reaches out and grasps Jane's hand, ignoring how she flinches, and pulls it up to her face. "Jane. it's me. Honey. It's Maura. You're safe."  
Jane's eyes focus slowly, like it's taking a massive amount of effort to pull herself out of unconsciousness. She stares at Maura for almost a full minute, as though trying to place her.  
"Jane," Maura says, trying to keep her voice calm, "It's me, honey. It's alright. You're safe."  
"Maura," Jane whispers, "Maura-Dominick. It was Dominick who killed Dr. Parker."  
Maura nods, "I know, sweet girl."  
"He took me."  
"Yes, he did."  
"Syringes."  
Maura nods again, not trusting her voice, watching Jane's face cloud and refocus as she struggles with her emotions.  
"Camera." She says after a moment, like the word is causing her physical pain.  
Maura takes the hand away from her face and presses it to her heart. Jane's eyes snap to it, and she looks at it like it might not actually be attached to her body.  
"It's okay, Jane. You're okay. You're going to be okay."  
"I was stupid"  
"You are wonderful. You were wonderful. There was nothing you could have done differently. Nothing. You were brave and wonderful and amazing, and you came back to me. You came back to us."  
Jane starts to cry. Her body shuddering through her sobs as she tries to hold herself in a way that doesn't hurt. "Oh God," she says, "Oh god, oh god."  
"Jane," Maura moves closer, pulling on Jane's hand. "Honey, It's okay. It's okay."  
"No. Please. how can you even look at me? How can you even...After what he did? How can you even touch me."  
"What did he do?" Maura says before she can stop herself. "Jane, what did he..."  
"No. No I don't think...No" Her voice is desperate. Strained. "Rosario was there...before he could...but he saw so much. He changed me...he...," and she's not just talking about her clothes. Both women know it. Jane let's her wife pull her closer, wrap her gently in her arms, whispering her love into her hair. "it's okay. It's okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. It's okay."  
"Can you. Can you..Can you pr-pr" she's stammering through her tears, trying to get the words out through great heaving breaths.  
"I promise you. I promise you Jane. I'm here. I'm not leaving. I love you so much. I promise."

* * *

_"Who. Are. You. TALKING TO?" Dominick launches himself at her. straddling her. "How are you talking to? Who?"_  
_"No one. No one. Dominick No one."_  
_"You're a bitch. You're a two timing, double crossing."_  
_"Dominick, please. Please."_  
_"You know, I was wrong about you. I was so wrong. You don't deserve me yet. You don't even...You don't even know what you're missing."_  
_And he's unlocking the handcuffs and grabbing her by her hair, using the knife from the food to cut the bindings at her ankles, ignoring the gash he leaves on her leg in his haste._  
_"You don't deserve me yet, Jane, but it's okay. I'm going to break you. I going to fucking teach you who your master is."_  
_"Dominick. Dominick," she's begging. She's begging and crying, not caring._  
_"Oh, NOW you beg me? Now you care what Dominick wants? Well it's too late Jane. It's too fucking late."_  
_The room is dark._  
_Windowless._  
_He doesn't even bother to lock her up. "I'll be back. And you will. Submit to me."_  
_The door slams._  
_..._  
_God. I know that I don't talk to you. I know that I stopped talking to you because I was mad. I was scared. My father said you turned your back on me, because the way I was was wicked._  
_And I might be._  
_But. my children are not wicked._  
_They are smart and wonderful and sweet. And I love them more than anything in the entire world._  
_And they. They love me too, because I'm they're mother. I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes and I let them have an extra piece of when Maura says they can't._  
_And. Even if I don't deserve to watch them grow up. Even if I am a sinner and wicked and there's no saveing me. They deserve to have me in their lives. They deserve to have both parents._  
_Maura deserves to be happy._  
_And for some crazy, amazing reason. I make her happy._  
_Please._  
_I know I haven't spoken to you in over a decade._  
_And when I do, my favors are always huge._  
_But. please._  
_Bring me back to my family._  
_Please_.

* * *

"Maura?"  
Jane's voice is small and tentative, reaching her through the darkness of the hospital room. Jane is on her back and Maura is next to her, only their hands touching, at Jane's request.  
"Yes, baby. I'm right here."  
"Did you pray for me to come home?"  
"Every day. Every second of every minute of every day."  
"You don't believe in God."  
"It didn't stop me."  
"Do you think that's why I'm here? Why they found me?"  
"I think that the fates, that the deities, or deity or mother earth, heard us. Yes."  
"Maura?"  
"Yes, baby"  
"Don't let go of my hand. Please?"  
Maura looks at the silhouette of her wife in the dark. Wishing she could hold on to so much more. Knowing it will be a long time before she can.

"Of course not baby. Not ever."


	8. Chapter 8

Fall blows blustery and chilly through Boston, spinning up little tornados of leaves that the girls chase down the sidewalk, shrieking and laughing. Caught up in a game of their own invention.

"Not too far," Jane says, loud enough for only Maura, who is walking next to her, to hear.

"They're fine, sweetheart," Maura says, meaning it in much more general terms. "They're fine."  
What she means, but does not say explicitly, is that their children are tough and resilient, and that she and Jane have managed too successfully shield them from Jane's flashbacks and night terrors and upwards of four showers a day.

"Mama, you did a good job getting the baddie?" Isabelle had asked one evening as they'd climbed into bed.

"She musta done," Sofia had answered for Jane, "She was a longer time away than ever."

Jane had cried hard that night, curled into a ball, hugging herself, and Maura had rubbed up and down her arm, careful not to press against her, whispering to her.

Jane pulls her coat tighter, buttoning the top button, and Maura notices that she doesn't wince as she does so.

Her wrists and hands are always the last to come back from any type of trauma, and Maura holds onto this new improvement with everything she has.

"Jane," she says, and the brunette shifts her attention, "I want to hold your hand, honey. Can I do that?"

Jane hesitates, then nods, holding out her long fingers, watching as Maura slips hers between them. She seems awed that it does not hurt.

"I love your hands," Maura says quietly. "I love your palms and your fingers and your wrists. Everything about them. They're beautiful. You're beautiful, and I love you so much."

It's something she's taken to doing, anytime Jane lets her make contact. Reaffirming how much she loves her wife. How beautiful she still is.

Jane smiles a little, almost sadly. And Maura manages to keep in a sigh. She wishes Jane would laugh, or cry, or- more like her- roll her eyes and say something sarcastic like, _always the surprised tone. Like it could never happen_.

But then Jane squeezes Maura's hand.

It's not much, and it's not a big squeeze, but it's enough to make Maura smile. And Jane, watching the doctor out of the corner of her eye, relaxes a little.

The park is crowded and loud, families taking advantage of one of the last sunny days before snowfall. It is only mid-October, but the deep chills at night carry a warning that the winter is going to be a hard one.

"Maura!" A sandy haired woman calls out to them and waves as though they are much further away than fifteen feet or so. Maura smiles automatically, recognizing her as the mother of some friends of the twins, and watches her children hurry towards the jungle gym.

"Not too high," Jane breathes, and she drops Maura's hand to follow after them.

Maura watches her wife and her children, listening with half an ear to the woman next to her.

Isabelle jumps from a rung towards her mother, and Maura catches her breath. Jane catches her automatically, but a spasm of pain crosses her face as she does so, and Maura watches her shut the emotion off completely, pulling Isabelle to her for a hug before releasing her to let her go again.

"You're alright?" The woman next to her is saying, having heard her gasp.

Maura nods, already waving her away, "Yes, yes…excuse me." She hurries over to them.

"Jane," she says quietly, "Tell them not to do that. They're really getting too big to pick up and carry and catch…"

"Its fine," Jane says and she glances at Maura, who almost loses her balance as at her wife's expression. It's…playful. "I can still catch you, Maur," she says softly. Maura feels her stomach flip. "besides," Jane continues, watching the girls scamper off towards the slide. "I like catching them."

Maura smiles. "Okay."

...

But she sends Jane home fifteen minutes later. A man, a father of one of the children there probably, taps her on the shoulder to ask her for the time, and by the time Maura manages to answer and send him on his way, Jane is shaking so violently, she looks like she might have epilepsy.

"Honey, let me get the girls and we'll go. Just let me-" Maura's hands reach out and fall back…unsure.

"No. No. I'm fine. I'm just going to go home. Don't stop them playing, Maur, they've been cooped up enough. You're okay here? Alone?"

"Yes. Yes, but someone should be with you when-"

But Jane's hand on her arm is enough to bring her up short. She looks from the contact up into serious brown eyes. "I'm fine. I'm just exhausted. And sore. And…" She falters, "A little scared. I just want to sack out in our room."

Maura nods, still unable to believe that Jane is _touching _ her. "Okay."

Jane's smile is fleeting as she turns away. Maura watches her go, her stride long and casual. Not quite confident.

* * *

Not even five minutes after Jane gets home, the doorbell rings. She hauls herself off the couch and pads down the hall to look through the windowpane.

"Ma?"

She opens the door on her mother, "what-?"

"Maura called me. She said you were home alone, because some man startled you in the park?"

Jane sighs, but pulls the door open. Her mother steps in, surveying her. Her face softens. "Look. I brought a book. I won't even bother you. I'm just here to make sure you don't…"

"Hang myself in the shower?"

Angela's eyes widen, "I didn't realize that was a possibility," she says in a small voice. Jane rolls her eyes, and turns away from the door, hearing her mother shut it behind her.

"It's been a month, Ma. If I wanted to be dead, I'd be dead."

She thinks about going to the living room, but opts instead for the kitchen. She reaches for the refrigerator door and her shoulder protests mildly, twinging in pain. _From catching snug_, she thinks, sighing. She stares into the fridge long enough that she doesn't really see the contents after a while, her eyes misting over as she remembers the cold hard metal floor of Dominick's truck…

"Jane," the voice makes her jump, which makes her wince, which makes her swear.

"Fuck. Shit…_Damnit_ Ma," She says irritably, realizing that Maura always makes noise as she comes into a room. "_Damnit_," Jane swears again as it dawns on her that her wife has _deliberately _beenmaking noisy entrances for her benefit.

"I'm sorry," her mother says quickly, "I'm sorry. I just came out to talk to you. But we don't have to talk. I can go read my book."

Jane stares at her mother, "What is this?" she asks, eyes narrowing.

Angela looks back at her blankly.  
"You haven't yelled at me once about how dangerous my job is. You haven't had a crying fit. You haven't told me how I'm also endangering the welfare of my children and wife…Did you get body snatched while I was gone?"

Angela looks torn between indignant and nervous, "I don't always-" she begins, but at a look from her daughter, she falls silent.

"what's going on Ma? Why aren't you acting…normal?"

Angela's eyes get misty. "Because it never seemed like you could _die_ before," she says quietly.

Jane blinks. "what?"

"Everything else that's happened to you. Even when you…you know…did that awful thing to yourself, I didn't think you would die. It didn't seem…real. You would come home and I would yell at you, because you'd just made me worry for nothing. There was no real way you could ever…" Angela looks up at Jane, "But when he took you. When I saw you in the hospital bed with those marks on you…I-I just kept thinking I need more _time._" Angela puts her hand over her mouth.

Jane stands, completely shocked, looking at her mother.

"And I see the way Maura looks at you. Like she's afraid you'll disappear, and I. I didn't get enough time to tell you how proud I am of you…I didn't get…"

"Ma," Jane moves forward. "I'm right here. I'm not dead."

"You are," Angela says. "A little, Jane. Something in you… went out."

Jane sighs, reaching out to put her hand over her mother's on the counter. "Yeah. It went out. But it didn't die, Ma. I'm working to get it back okay?"

"How do I help you?" her mother's voice is muffled.

Jane smiles a little, "Yell at me."

"What?"

"Yell at me. Tell me how I kept you up all night with indigestion. And you'll never get a decent night's sleep because of my job," She looks into her mother's face, trying to explain with her eyes that she wants to hug her, but is not. quite. there yet.

A slow smile creeps over Angela's face. "How dare you," she says softly, lovingly.

Jane smiles. "You have to put your hands on your hips."

* * *

Frost shows up at the park, sliding onto the bench next to Maura, making her jump.

"Hi Uncle Frostie!" Isabelle calls as she zooms by, and Sofia look up briefly from where she is trying to build something out of rocks.

"Hello ladies," he says, reaching out to squeeze Maura's arm.

Maura chuckles.

"What's so funny?" he asks.

"I called Angela to be with Jane," Maura says.

Frost smiles, "Well. You're both just two sides of a coin. Can you blame her for calling me?"

"No. I'm glad you're here. Did she sound alright?"

"She sounded tired. And apologetic."  
"She touched me."

"Voluntarily?"

Maura nods. And Frost gives her another squeeze. "That's wonderful, Maura."

They sit for a moment, watching the girls play.

"Do you remember him?"

Frost looks confused. "Who?"

"Dominick. I keep meaning to ask you, and then forgetting. Jane says he told her that she punched a guy for giving him a wedgie. She doesn't remember, but it was before I came…do you remember him?"

Frost pauses. "No."

"No…but…" Maura presses him.

"You have to understand. Jane was always doing that sort of thing. How she was so popular and yet punched and kicked and snarled at so many people, I will never know."

Maura was afraid of this. She looks away, hoping that Frost will miss the look on her face.

"Hey," he says, his tone clearly stating that he has not.

"She doesn't remember him. She doesn't remember any of them," Frost says, "But she never got _you_ out of her head from the moment she met you. She remembered you for fifteen years. She married _you_. She loves _you._"

"She hasn't said it."

"How many times was she forced to say those words in that room?"

Maura closes her eyes, "A lot."

"C'mon Doctor. It's me."

"Thirty Seven," Maura says, and again the jealousy and the anger are whirring up inside of her.

"Thirty seven," he repeats, and if he is surprised by the number, his voice doesn't show it.

She leans her head on his shoulder, looking out to where both children are now squatting over Sofia's creation. Isabelle knocks it over by accident, and knowing what her sister's reaction is going to be, jumps to her feet and speeds towards her mother, her face a comical mask or fear and smugness.

"_IZZY!" _

Maura stands, shaking her head, readying herself to be peacekeeper.

Frost stands too, "Maura," he says urgently, wanting to get this in before Isabelle reaches them. "The psychologist on call the day of her discharge suggested she take a few days, stay at a hotel , gather herself…"

Maura looks at him with wide eyes, "why didn't anyone tell me-"

"She shut him down so hard I thought he was going to have whiplash," Frost cuts across her.

"She chooses _you._"

...

* * *

...

"Mommy!" Isabelle dashes into the kitchen and Maura looks up from her cookbook.  
"Shh, Isabelle, Mama's sleeping, okay?" Maura says, gesturing the little girl over, returning her focus to the recipe. But Isabelle doesn't come.

"No, Mama is not sleepin," She says, and Maura jerks her head back up.

"What?"

"Mama is sad, Mommy. Come!"  
Maura rushes around the breakfast bar towards the living room, scooping up Isabelle as she goes, nerves jangling inside of her.

She stops in the door of the living room, eyes wide.

Jane is sitting cross legged on the couch, her hands in her lap tumbling over and over each other. Her eyes are unfocused, far away, her face rigid with pain and memories.

Maura catches her breath, but not just because of Jane. "Fia," she hisses.

Sofia is inching along the couch towards her mother, already reaching out to her.

"Sofia," Maura whispers again, trying to keep her voice calm and quiet, but also trying to inject it with some kind of authority. If Sofia startles Jane out of whatever she's lost in, she could lash out, or scream, or…

"Sofia, come here. _Fia."_

But Sofia moves towards her mother with a single mindedness that only Rizzolis have, and before Maura can even make the decision to cross the room, her daughter reaches up and touches Jane's jaw.

Jane doesn't jump.

At her daughter's touch, her head turns, and she looks down into Sofia's face, staring at her like she's a stranger.

"Mama?" Sofia walks her fingers like little feet up Jane's cheek. "Mama? You upset?"

Jane's eyes clear a little bit, but not all the way. Maura is holding her breath.

The detective nods, her expression of confusion not changing, except that her eyes fill with tears. For a moment they just look at each other, Sofia's hand drawing circles on her mother's cheek, the same way Jane's often will when Sofia is sick or sleepy.

Maura stands in the door, mesmerized. She wants to move. Stop this, maybe, before something bad happens, but Jane has eyes only for Sofia.

"You wanna song?" Sofia asks, scooting closer on the couch.

Another nod.

Sofia climbs into her mother's lap, pushing Jane's hands apart and settling her head on her mother's chest. She tugs gently at her mother's hair, twirling it around her tiny little fingers, as she decides on a song to sing.

_"You an' me together will be. Forevah you'll see. We always be good c'pany you…me. Jus together we'll be."_

It's one they sing in the car, on the way to anywhere. Sofia stops after the first verse and looks over her shoulder, giving her sister an expectant look.

Isabelle immediately struggles to be let down, and Maura lets her go, but doesn't move, just watches as Isabelle climbs up beside Jane.

"whut," she whispers when she gets settled.

"we's singing Mama better," Sofia whispers back. "help."

Isabelle nods, and leans forward and pushes her head under her mother's arm, until she's against Jane's side. She wiggles, getting comfortable, and Jane looks down at them both, her eyes wide and terrified. Swimming in tears. She's only half out of her flashback, Maura can tell, and she's deliberately holding herself still so as not to hurt anything that she loves while she tries to get away from the past.

Her face is a mask of distress, and Maura doesn't know how to intervene without startling everyone. Without breaking up this wonderful, heartbreaking scene in front of her.

_"We always be good c'pany you…me. Jus together we two._ _Together tha's you. Forever with me. We'll always be good c'pany you an me. Just together with you." _ Both girls stop singing abruptly when Jane shudders, tears falling down her cheeks.

Isabelle looks stricken. "It was the wrong song, Fia," she whispers, and Maura goes to move forward, to do something, finally, but Jane is shaking her head, pulling both girls closer, and burying her face in Isabelle's curly blonde hair.

"No," She says, her voice hoarse from disuse and emotion. "No. It was the perfect song, nuggets. It was…" But she is unable to continue.

Sofia looks meaningfully at Isabelle, who wraps her arms around her mother's waist from the side, while Sofia wraps her arms around Jane's neck.

"Don't be sad, Mama,"

"Yeah," Isabelle echoes. "Wanna hear sun in tha morning instead?"

Jane laughs through her tears, a real burst of laughter, tiny and short, and Maura thinks there is not one sound that has ever been more beautiful.

"Mommy," Sofia says, almost scolding, looking up at her, "come help."

Maura takes two steps and hesitates, looking into Jane's face. The brunette smiles nervously, nodding once, and Maura crosses the room, Lifting Isabelle and sitting down with her in her lap, carefully, not touching her wife.

But Jane moves over, closing the inch or so of space between them, and Maura gasps – she can't help it, it's like warm summer heat all through her body – as Jane slips her arm around the doctor's shoulder.

"Oh, Gosh," Isabelle says, sounding totally confused and put out, "Now evry one is cryin'"

Sofia rolls her eyes at her parents, "you two," she says, sounding so much like Maura that both women laugh, Jane's quiet and hesitant, not easy yet.

Maura closes her eyes for a moment. "Happy tears, baby," she says. "They're happy tears."

She feels Jane shift beside her, and braces for the detective to push her away, like she usually does after these tries for affection. Instead her eyes snap open, a new wave of tears burning as Jane's lips graze her temple.

She tries to convince herself that the words Jane says next are not conjured up from her own imagination and desperate need to hear them. No. Jane is really speaking to her. Is really saying the words that she hasn't said in a month, even though they've fallen from Maura's lips every day like water.

_Jane_ is saying them now. Returning them to her. And her heart could burst, she's so happy.

"I love you, Maura," She whispers, and the ghost of her lips passes her temple one more time.

"I love you."

* * *

**phew! that was super long. Oh you guys. thank you so much for all your really kind words. That last chapter really was a b*tch to write, but...I couldn't not write it. And it means that we get this chapter, which is not quite fluffy, but is on it's way there, AND it means we get Cuts like a Knife next, which has the mattress scene at the end...and we allll know what that mattress scene should be...so hang in there. AND rizzoli thanksgiving is coming up. and that is just one big huge fluffball with a twist! **

**Davislp...I gotta do Denis. I have to...it's essential to my plot...but I promise it won't break you like Dominick did...okay? still friends? Dalemj, i haven't seen you around! welcome! thank you! noblegraces, ireallyneedalife,heatwave, ximebeach, mustanggirl, jmpack, julez, nikki, stephb. Thank you guys. I can't tell you want it means when I work hard at something and you all appreciate it. **

**Socklost and Jobee, AE thank you for your immensely kind words. it was hard. but. like i said. i couldn't not. double negative...I ****_had_**** to **

**fallen austin, fluff is on the way! hang in there. New chapter tonight/in the wee small hours of the morning. I'm on writing binge!**

**happy reading**

**tc**


	9. Chapter 9

At first, she hates it.

She tells Jane they need a new mattress and a week later it just shows up. They leave it in the living room, and the girls jump on it, thinking it's a trampoline installed just for them.

_We'll move it Maur,_ Jane says nonchalantly, but then Sofia gets the chicken pox, and of course Isabelle is felled quickly afterwards. And her children are itchy and oozy and cranky. And they get up early and they go down late, and both she and Jane collapse into bed at night. On the old mattress of course. The new one stays right where it is.

And then they catch the case.

...

* * *

...

_"Favorite…food"_

_"Honestly Jane, that's not even challenging." _

_"Go on then, Dr. Smartypants if you think you're so clever. Favorite food."_

_"Cheeseburger. The way I make it, French baguette bun, extra cheddar no pickles, mayonnaise, ketchup and a side of French fries." _

_Jane stares. _

_"And a Corona, though God knows why." _

_"How do you know that?"_

_"I know you." _

_Jane lies back on the mattress, looking up at the ceiling. Maura bites her lip. Feeling nervous. _

_"Jane?" _

_"Chicken Marsala, from Jorges, boxed and reheated in the oven, not on the stove. Side salad from Fresh Market, no dressing, and pinot anything, but usually grigio. And one fudge cluster." _

_Maura gapes, and Jane giggles. _

_"How do you-"_

_"I'm a detective," Jane says, wiggling her eyebrows. _

_And when Maura reaches out to swat her playfully, she doesn't flinch away._

_..._

* * *

_... _

Girls, captured and held against their will, made to marry men that they don't love? It gets to Jane. How could it not? Maura sees it in the way she's constantly rolling her shoulders. In how she closes her eyes when nobody's looking and in how she's constantly rubbing at her hands. What Maura doesn't expect is how the case gets to her.

Jane returns from the raid on the car dealership, the officers filing in behind her supporting twenty or so girls, and Jane beckons her over. "You speak Croation, Maura? We don't have time for a translator."

"Shtokavian. It's the basic dialect from which Croation, Serbian and-,"  
"Maur_,_ I said we _don't _have time to get a translator…"

"Right. I'm sorry."

She follows her wife to the back rooms.

They smell like sweat and blood and dirt, and they tell her their stories in broken sentences, that drip with apologies and tears.

Maura nods and nods, until her neck is sore.

She looks up for Jane who is across the room arms around a young woman, a child really, who is crying and crying.

She is repeating something over and over again, and although Jane doesn't understand, she is rubbing soothing circles into the woman's back, her long fingers strong and comforting.

Her brain catching up with her hearing, Maura is able make out what the girl is saying.

_They sold me. They sold me. _

_... _

* * *

_... _

_"The kids are down?" _

_"Maura, you have to invent something to cure the chicken pox."  
"Well there is a vaccine out already that-" _

_"And I'm just hearing about this now, because…" _

_"It's not been properly vetted, Jane. And in most cases it's used on young adults, to keep them from getting shingles in later life." _

_Jane grabs her beer and comes to sit next to Maura on the mattress. They haven't been on the couch in days. _

_But Maura doesn't care because Jane sits down closer than she would on the couch. Closer than she would even in bed, these days, and Maura can smell her shampoo._

_The mattress is like an island. Like a vacation from their lives. They don't have to discuss anything heavy here. In fact, it's almost a rule that they don't._

_"If you married someone else, I'd probably leave you a ton of crazy messages" Jane says out of nowhere, her voice light and casual. _

_Maura laughs, surprised and…flattered. _

_"No you wouldn't Jane, you don't have a neurological disorder." _

_Jane looks at her. "If you married someone else, I'd get one. Real quick." _

_Maura is too enthralled to tell Jane that's not how it works. _

_..._

* * *

_..._

She shuts the door to her office and leans back against it. Trying to shut out their stories and compose herself enough to continue the autopsy. But it is difficult. She is not built for the kind of work that involves living breathing people. She is not like Jane.

She tries to focus her thoughts, tries to think logically. Laia was not one of the girls that Jane brought back from the dealership and the knowledge that she is still out there weighs on Maura like a physical weight.

What if all of her empirical evidence and analysis cannot bring Laia home, and she is sold off to the highest bidder. She would be a prisoner for the rest of her life, and no scientific procedure would be able to change that.  
Maura rubs her hand on the back of her neck. She wants to believe it was science and reason and logical thinking that brought Jane back to her.

What if she's wrong?

A hard brisk knock comes on her door, and Maura turns around, taking a deep breath to collect herself, and opens it.

"Jane!" The detective strides in, pushing Maura backwards as she comes, pushing the door shut with her foot. "What is it, do you need me to come-" But her sentence is cut short by Jane's hug. Her arms pull Maura close without warning, holding on tight, and Maura responds at once, hugging back, resting her head on Jane's chest, nearly moaning as Jane's fingers slide into her hair. They have not been this close since…_no wait,_ Maura catches herself. They were this close just last night.

"I'm sorry," She whispers against Maura's ear. "I shouldn't have made you do that."

Maura goes to speak, but Jane shakes her head, "Forgive me," she says.

And she bends and kisses Maura's cheek. Pulling back to meet her eyes. "Are you alright?"

She has never heard Jane ask it like that, so gently. Her dark eyes search Maura's face, concern in every line and dip of her features.

Maura takes a steadying breath. For the first time it dawns on her that it might be the mattress. That the mattress might be saving them.

"Yes. I am now."

...

* * *

...

_She throws her phone to Jane, who sets it down next to her own on the counter, then picks up the bowl of popcorn and comes to sit down, cross legged next to her wife. "What are we watching?" She asks._

_"Documentary on the single cell organism." _

_Jane nods, as Maura presses play. "Of course we are." _

_They don't talk about the case._

_They don't talk about the fact that Laia is still missing, and they certainly do not discuss the similarities between what Cutthroat is doing and what Dominick has done._

_They watch the TV. _

_And when Maura yawns, Jane reaches out and pulls her head down into her lap, fingers threading through her hair. She bends and presses a kiss to her temple, her free hand trailing up and down Maura's arm. _

_They do not talk about the fact that this is the most intimate they've been in months. _

_They are in their own little sanctuary. _

_Those topics are forbidden._

_..._

* * *

_... _

Later, Maura credits the mattress for the connection that saves Laia. They watch football on Thursday, Maura's penance for Tuesday's documentary, and Jane is trying to explain a play to her. Maura is not interested in the way the play works so much as she is in the way Jane's face lights up when she talks about it. The way that her hands fly through the air as she tries to explain it.

Caught up in the moment, Maura leans in and kisses the brunette on the cheek.

Jane stops mid-sentence, a curious smile on her face.

"What was that for?"

"You're beautiful when you're explaining things I don't understand," Maura says.

Jane looks torn between bashfulness and frustration.

"You still don't get it?"  
"No. You need something like a dry erase marker so you can draw on the TV."

Jane chuckles, "Yeah, I could-" But her sentence ends there, and her face goes very, very pale.

"Jane?"

Nothing.

Maura tries desperately to think of anything that she's said that could have triggered a flashback.  
"Jane, honey, can you-"

"Get up, Maur," Jane says suddenly.

"What?"  
"Get _up_," Jane is already struggling to her feet, leaving the warmth and safety of their little island.

Only when Maura gets up and follows Jane into the front hall, does the detective turn around and say, "I know who Cutthroat is, Maura."

The medical examiner loves her for not spoiling their mattress with this news.

...

* * *

...

_It's time to move it. The case is over, the girls are gone with Angela for the night, there's nothing stopping them from switching out the mattresses and dragging the old one to the corner by the dumpster. Instead, Jane grabs all the blankets and pillows off of their bed and makes them a massive nest in the living room._

_"Camp out with me," she says, holding out her hand to pull Maura down, "The girls don't come back until tomorrow afternoon. We'll have plenty of time to move it in." _

_"Jane," Maura hesitates, not because she doesn't want to, but because she does. The Jane she encounters on their safe, downy square does not quite translate into real life yet. The mattress Jane reaches out for her, holds her, hugs her, just…because. _

_But Jane makes such a face, that Maura crumbles, letting herself be pulled down onto the mattress next to the brunette, who wraps them up in a blanket immediately. _

_She can't say exactly when idly playing with each other's fingers becomes hands exploring under shirts, becomes a frenzied pull at bra straps and belt buckles. Maura thinks that if she does not have Jane's skin closer, does not feel that tan and muscled leg slide between her own, she will go insane. "Jane," she says, pushing at the detective's tank top. "Jane, take this…I want this off. Please." Jane hesitates for the smallest moment, before pulling it up over her head, and looking down at Maura, her face scared and expectant. _

_In the blue glow of the television, Maura examines Jane's torso, reaching out to run her hands over the faint scars that still remain. Proof that Dominick happened. _

_"So beautiful," Maura breathes, and everything about her tone and her eyes and her fingers and her body, backs up the truth behind that statement. Jane shivers and bends, pressing her lips to Maura's, and the kiss is not one of comfort, or something done out of habit, but deep and long, and passionate.  
It makes Maura moan. _

* * *

When they get home to relieve Angela of her babysitting duties, she surprises them by offering to take the girls for the night.

"You've had a rough case of it, Frankie says, and…" Angela seems to choose her word carefully, "neither of you put yourselves directly in harm's way, thank God." She says this while throwing a questioning look at Jane, and it is clear that she is trying to be both 'normal' and loving.

Jane smiles, rolling her eyes, "Jeeze Ma, get off my back, okay?"  
There is no bite in her voice.

Isabelle is still a little sick. Cranky and overtired, she has a hard time leaving her Mama. Jane picks her up, pulling the little head down onto her shoulder, shushing her as she whimpers, swaying back and forth.

She looks at Maura, and neither one of them has to say it. They are both seeing Laia, and Anja and the twenty other girls rescued from that place.

"I'll see you tomorrow Mama, swear?"

Jane smiles, "Pinky swear."

* * *

...

_Jane growls as their hips meet, and Maura sighs and arches upwards, wrapping her arms around Jane's neck. Jane's hand is drawing lazy circles on her hip bone, but does not go any lower. _

_"Jane," Maura says, flexing her hips. "Honey…" _

_"Tell me what you want." Jane's voice is below a whisper. Just a ghost of the words. _

_"I want you." _

_"Tell me what you want from me." Jane says, looking down. "Tell me how I make it up to you?"_

_Maura feels a rush of panic rush over her. Jane is breaking the rules, calling reality into their sanctuary. She stares up with wide green eyes, trying to make sense of it._

_"Maura," she whispers, and she knows what that whisper does to her wife. She uses it intentionally. _

_And Maura whimpers, pressing her hips up into Jane, "Come back to me," she gasps, feeling tears burn the back of her eyes as Jane's fingers run in circles lower and lower. _

_"You've come back to your job and your children. Come home to me now. Please, Jane. Please, I can't look at you every day and not have you. I want my wife back. I want my-my-Oh, God." _

_Her hips push up against Jane's fingers, pulling them into her, tightening around them almost immediately, as Jane kisses and bites at her earlobe. She resists her climax, wanting Jane to understand her. If they are going to break the rules then there is no going back. But Jane shakes her head, curling her fingers, making Maura cry out. "You've been so brave. And you've been so wonderful. It's alright baby. I'm here. I love you. Come on, sweet girl, come on." She whispers her love over and over, does not stop even as she feels Maura begin to shake, and she holds her through her climax. "I love you. I love you. _

_I'm home." _

_Maura pulls back as she comes down, still shuddering, wrapping her legs around Jane's waist as she pulls her fingers out. _

_"Come to bed with me," she whispers. _

_ ..._

Jane knows what Maura is asking her. _Come to bed with me_. Be the same person in there that you are out here, on this stupid mattress. _Come to bed with me. Come back to me. Come home to me._

Jane looks down at Maura underneath her, hair a mess, eyes hazy and seductive, still recovering.

_Could you go over there and touch her? Could you do as she asks?_

Jane presses her hands to the mattress on either side of Maura's head, like she's about to do a push up. Maura tightens her grip with her legs, grabbing a fistful of blanket in each hand and wrapping her arms around Jane as well, so that when the brunette stands, she looks like some x-rated superhero, blanket cape behind her and Maura wrapped around her front like a second skin. She stands with her wife in her arms, on the edge of the mattress, feeling Maura's lips on her neck and shoulder, her hips still moving, starting to work herself back up.

"Take me to bed," She mumbles in to Jane's shoulder. "_please. _Come back to me."

_Could you? Could you come home? _

Jane nods, and Maura's arms contract around her.

"Yes?" she breathes against Jane's shoulder, hardly daring to believe that it's true.

Jane moves at last, her legs carrying both of them towards to bedroom.

"Yes."

* * *

**Okay you guys. this is late. But you know why? Because I've been working on it since literally 4pm last night (count out 4 hours of sleep). My documents folder is filled with half written docs titled, ****_knife, knife2, finalofkifemaybe, anotherfuckingtryatknife_****. I'm not even kidding. This was a futhermucking b*tch to get out there. I hope you like it. **

**So here it is...I think maybe my fluff machine is broken...but it had to be done this way, and...i mean...to those of you who pmed me and were like...you never write fluff...yeah. I hope you'll stick around til thanksgiving, which is definitely fluffy. **

**Happy Tuesgay! to those in teh US who are planning to watch Rizzoli and Isles tonight! **

**to all of you who commented on the last chapter (there are so many of you!) thank you. Thank you so much. It's one of my favorites. **

**to the guest who says that in this and my first fic, Maura is always the one doing the comforting...I tried to make it evenish. The hard truth is that more shiz happens to jane... But the shooting at the precinct was all about Maura, and Jane does her fair share of comforting...i think. make a handle and come chat with me! I always want feedback. **

**Boo, you told me you want "normal family drama" this is the Rizzoli family. when do they ever...?**

**anyway. a couple completely AU chappies coming. Give our girls a break, yeah?**

**happy reading. **

**tc**


	10. Chapter 10

"No. No way,"

"Maur,"

"No, Jane. This is where I draw the line."

Jane rolls her eyes, leaning back against the counter. "where you draw the line? Really Maura?" Jane is trying not to smile.

Maura huffs, "It's not funny, Jane, she looks atrocious."

"She looks adorable."

"No."

"Maura, seriously-"

"_Yes,_ seriously, Jane. I don't care if it's good for their cognitive development and their motor skills. She's not leaving the house like that."

Jane is about to say something, but at that moment, Isabelle comes racing in, chasing Jo Friday. Now Jane can't help but smile.

Isabelle is wearing two different color shoes, one pink and one red, and her socks, though matching are a decidedly violent shade of green. She's wearing a grey cotton dress with (small miracles) a matching sweater, and a backwards baseball cap, Red Sox. Of Course.

"Isabelle, sweetheart, you have to change," Maura says, gesturing that her daughter should come over. Jane Frowns.

Isabelle stops and looks at her mother, her face concerned, "Why, Mommy?"

Jane glares at Maura, "Yeah. _Why_, Mommy?"

"Because…some of your colors don't match, honey. You can't wear two different color shoes. And pink and red don't match with…neon green."

"Why I can't wear two differnt?" Isabelle says, her face falling. Maura opens her mouth, hesitating.

"You can," Jane interrupts, shooting Maura a look, moving to pick Isabelle up, "Of course you can. Mommy and I said that you and Fia are old enough to pick out your own clothes, and you are. You can wear whatever you want, and _Mommy_ won't micro manage you at all."

"You like my picks?" Isabelle asks now, grinning up at Jane.

"I love your picks, nug. You did an excellent job. Especially with the hat." Jane sets Isabelle down, and she dashes off, narrowly missing Bass as he lumbers slowly around the corner.

"Be careful!" Maura calls. She turns back towards the breakfast bar, and Jane is scowling at her, hands on her hips.

Maura smiles, "You look like Sofia."

Jane doesn't soften. "Maura, you need to get a grip. They are four years old."

"How a person dresses is the first thing that other people see. An outfit can say a ton about you before you've even opened your mouth."

Jane stares, clearly unable to wrap her mind around their conversation, "Yes," she says slowly, "And their outfits will say '_I'm Four'_ to anyone that sees them." She sighs, "Jesus, Maura we're going to look at a house, not taking them to meet the queen.

"They reflect back on us!" Maura says, exasperatedly.

"I cannot believe you are saying this!"

"I want them to grow up with a healthy appreciation for fashion."

"THEY'RE FOUR!" Jane puts up her hand to stop Maura's retort, turning away, clearly done with the entire conversation. "I do not want to fight on our day off, Maur, okay? But please do not make Isabelle change. She's so, so proud of herself. And you should be too! Did you see how many buttons there are on that sweater?"

Maura huffs, and turns down the hall towards the twins room, hoping that without Jane there, she can at least influence Sofia's outfit choice. One for two isn't bad, right?

...

Sofia is standing in the middle of the room when Maura opens the door, still in just her undershirt and underwear. Maura pushes the door wider.

"Little bug! Why aren't you dressed? We've got to go soon!"

Sofia looks up at her mother as though she's coming out of a dream, and her eyes immediately fill with tears.

Maura falls to her knees to embrace her, automatically feeling her for injuries.

"Baby girl, what is it? Fia? Are you hurt, honey? What's wrong?" Maura asks, and panic makes her voice tremble a little.

"Mommy I don't _know_," Sofia says miserably, burying her head in the crook of her mother's neck. "_help _me."

Maura pulls the little girl away from her to look into her face. "What don't you know, baby?"

"I don't know to dress Sofia," she says sadly, and Maura could cry and laugh from relief.

"Is that all? You need help getting dressed?" She asks. And Sofia hesitates, her expression turning a little sour.

"_Bella_ dressed," she says after a moment, And Maura understands; she can read the battle in her daughter's eyes as easily as she can read emotion in her wife. Sofia doesn't want to ask for help. Isabelle dressed herself and she should be able to do the same. She _wants_ to do it by herself.

Maura bites her lips, conflicted. She thinks of all adorable matching outfits that are hung in the girl's closet, color coordinated and perfectly combined.

She looks at her daughter.

"You don't need my help, Fia," she says gently. "You are perfectly capable of picking out an outfit. Just like Bella." She gives her daughter a gentle push towards her dresser. "What's the first thing you have to put on?"

Sofia looks down at herself, "socks," she says.

Maura bites back a correction. _Why not?_ "Okay. Where are the socks?"

Sofia contemplates her miniature dresser before pulling open the top drawer. She looks for a long time, finally choosing a yellow sock and a blue sock, and she sits down and begins to pull them on, glancing up questioningly at Maura, who nods encouragingly.

"Now pants!" Sofia says, pushing herself back up to her feet.

"You don't want a dress?" it's out before Maura can stop it, and Sofia looks at her, waiting.

"Do you want pants, or a dress?" Maura tries again, working to keep each word in her sentence light and even.

"….a dr…pants" Sofia says, and Maura watches her tug nervously on a finger.

"Good choice. Where are the pants?"

In the end, Sofia wears black leggings, a brightly striped long sleeve t-shirt and a purple headband. She picks a pair of grey ballerina flats to go with it.

She spins in front of the little mirror on her closet door and turns to beam at her mother, her face shining with pride.

Maura wouldn't give up that look for all the matching outfits in the world.

"I look pretty, right Mommy?"

Maura nods, "You did a fantastic job. Go see if Mama has your breakfast ready."

"te amo muchisimo," Sofia says, giving her a fleeting hug before darting out of the room.

Maura stands, smoothing her own dress, and turns around to see Jane in the doorway.

Her wife's face is nothing but love and affection. She holds out her hands, and Maura takes them, rubbing her thumbs over her wife's knuckles.

"I knew you loved your children more than fashion," she says softly, tugging Maura's hands until she's close enough to hug. "I just…had a hunch."

Maura smiles into Jane's shoulder, her eyes fluttering closed at the long fingers sliding around her waist.

All of a sudden, there is the sound of something crashing to the floor in the kitchen.

"Oh no Izzy!" Sofia hisses.

"It's all over," Isabelle cries out, dismayed.

Jane sighs heavily, releasing her wife. "And you're in luck anyway, Maur. Sounds like _someone _will be changing."

One new, and no less luminescent, outfit change later, the family pulls up outside of the listed house. Jane's mouth falls open.

"Maura," she says, her tone dangerous, "This house is way, _way _too big."

Maura ducks her head so she can see the house through the passenger window. "It's not small," she concedes. "But neither is our family."

Jane looks mutinous.

"Honey, let's just check it out, alright? We'll just look. If you hate it, there are dozens of other houses on the market."

Jane groans, letting her head fall back against the head rest. In the back seat, the twins give each other a look, and then, in perfect synchronization, make the same groaning noise as their mother, letting their heads fall back too.

Maura rolls her eyes, while Jane Sofia and Isabelle burst into laughter.

Jane's phone rings as they step out onto the sidewalk, and Maura braces herself for her own phone to buzz, but it doesn't

"Rizzoli," Jane waves them ahead of her and Maura takes her children's hands and leads them up the front walk.

"Mommy, why's we here?" Isabelle asks

"Why are we here," Maura corrects, "We're looking at this house to see if it's a place that we want to live. Remember? We talked about this."

"For how long we would stay?" Sofia asks.

"We would move here. It would be our home. If we like it."

Both girls seem to ponder this information as Maura reaches out and rings the doorbell.

A tall, blonde woman opens the door, and Maura's first impression is that everything about her is large. She is much taller than the average woman, though her bouffant may add about five inches to the effect.

She has big broad shoulders and a huge chest.

Maura's second, only slightly more appropriate thought is that this woman is shaped exactly like an apple. On stilts.

"Denise?" She asks, "Maura Isles. We spoke on the-"  
"_The Doctor!" _The woman booms, and even her voice is loud. Sofia's grip on her Maura's hand tightens, but she doesn't move. Isabelle however turns tail, running back down the steps towards Jane, who is just hanging up her phone.

"Sorry," Maura says, turning to watch Jane pick Isabelle up and start towards them, "They're a little shy."

"I am not shy, Mommy." Sofia says firmly. And as if to prove it, she looks up into Denise's wide blue eyes.

"Hello," she says resolutely, and Denise lets out a bark that must be a laugh, although even Maura flinches this time.

"What an angel!" she says, "Hello, darling, aren't you just the cutest thing any one has ever seen?"

Sofia narrows her eyes slightly, and Maura jumps in, "Thank you so much for showing us the house on such short notice. With both our jobs it's difficult to find time to do anything."

"Ah, yes, the Detective. Will he be joining you today?"

Maura is so caught off guard that she can't answer right away, and Sofia takes the opportunity to answer, pointing as Jane comes up to stand next to them.

"Mama is right here, lady."

Denise covers her shock very, very will, recovering fast enough to reach out and shake Jane's hand, and by the time she steps back to let them into the entrance hall, the humongous smile is back.

"you didn't tell her that I was a woman?" Jane hisses as they walk down the hall.

"It didn't even occur to me," Maura says quietly. And it's true. Everyone they meet on a daily basis knows that Dr. Maura Isles is married to Detective Jane Rizzoli. She can't _remember_ the last time she had to explain her relationship.

She is about to comment on this to Jane, but when she looks up the detective has rushed ahead of her, Isabelle still in her arms. "Izzy, look at the view!" she says, and Maura smiles at her wife's excitement.

The house is a converted apartment building at the top of Beacon hill, and the living room off of the kitchen gives a magnificent view of both the state house and Boston commons.

"feel free to look around! Let me know if you have any questions, of course," Denise booms and Maura pulls Sofia past her to stand next to Jane at the window.

"It's different from our place in Cambridge," Maura says, bending to hoist Sofia to her hip as well.

"It's three stories instead of just one. But it's got four bedrooms, and the kitchen is a lot like the one at home..." She looks at Jane, who doesn't seem to be listening.

"Jane?" Maura feels her fingers tingle with nerves. "It's bigger than we talked about, but-"

"Look, Maur," Jane is pointing. "Look Fee, look Bella. That's where Mommy and Mama met!"

Maura whips her head around and looks down.

It's true. The fountain where Jane and Maura met is visible from the window.

"you met Mommy in a park?" Isabelle asks.

Jane nods. "Yes."

"Did you know that you were going to have Fia and Bella when you met Mommy?"

Jane smiles, swaying a little so her shoulder bumps against Maura's "We were really young," She says, speaking more to Maura than Isabelle.

"But yes. I knew even then that I wanted to be with her forever."

Maura chuckles.

Both girls squirm to be let down, and as soon as their feet hit the floor, they zoom off, racing around the unfurnished room, giggling.

"Be careful!" Maura calls, moving to follow them, but Jane holds her back.

"We're going to take this place," Jane says.

Maura looks at Jane, wide eyed, "You haven't even seen any of the other rooms or the bathroom or anything. Just this morning you had a whole list of things that had to be right before you would even consider sitting down to talk about _possibly-" _

_"_Maur, you've been looking at houses for a month and a half and we haven't gone to see any of them. Why did you bring me to this place."

Maura hedges. "It has a lot of space," She says. "It's close to work, and Fresh Market, and it's close to a really great school where the girls could start Kindergarten next fall..."

Jane steps closer, and Maura catches her breath. "Maur, why did you bring me here?"

Maura looks up into Jane's gentle brown eyes. "Because I want this to be our home. I think it's perfect. I want us to move here."

"Nuggets," Jane says over Maura's shoulder. "Come here."

They obey at once, giggling and running, and Maura catches Sofia and Jane Isabelle, and they turn back to the window, looking at the view as Jane speaks again. "Do you like this place, tiny mites? Would you like this to be the place where you have your bunk beds?"

Isabelle nods vigorously, "Yes!"

Sofia nods too, though she looks a little unsure.

"What do you think, Mommy?" Jane asks, and her tone is light, but her eyes search Maura's face, asking a thousand other questions, asking _are you sure?_

Maura looks back out the window. She moves over a little bit, so that she and Jane's shoulders are touching.

For a moment, the little family stands, looking out the window, Maura swaying a little bit with Sofia.

The doctor smiles.

"Welcome home."

* * *

**If this is not fluffy enough for you...well I don't know what to tell you. Aw. our little family is moving! Yay. and now they have enough space to be a BIGGER family...maybe. **

**Thank you all for your kind kind words about chapters 8 and 9. Spykerlicious, hope, bookiewookie, bvscagle, nikki! Fergz! Thank you guys, thank you thank you Alac, repeat away! haha lord knows I never get tired of hearing it. rizzyandizzy, youthink, julez (did you get a handle?) thank you guys. it means so much to me. **

**jobee! thank you! OMG i know right? is it just me or is the show way gayer, you guys. seriously. Davislp, you know. I think it's important to stop and write the domesticity, beyond the case and the sex, theses are two people with lives...right?**

**aishaxxx, anyfey, noblegraces, boo (you're coming around! maybe...), socks lost, steph b. You are all so wonderful and so familiar to me. I wait for your comments like you wait for my updates. **

**AE. I'm dehydrated. stop it. **

**Fallen austin, in the middle of the night. from your phone. go to sleep chica. you're crazy. **

**I love you all. **

**happy reading. **

**t.c. **


	11. Chapter 11

_"He was using again." _

_"Uh uh, Jane. No way. He was clean." _

_"Frankie..." _

_"He was clean Jane." And there is a bite to Frankie's voice that Maura hasn't heard before._

_"Frankie, I know he was your friend." _

_"You don't know shit. You scared the fuck out of him and he stopped coming around." _

_Jane bristles at once. "I'm sorry, was this before or after he wrecked his family's car while high on cocaine, Frankie? A car that you were almost IN. Hell yeah I threatened him." _

_"And you lost me one of the only friends I ever had. We couldn't all be as popular and as ferocious as you, Jane. He was messed up. That doesn't make him a bad person. And he had his life straight now, anyway. He's clean now." _

_"Yeah, clearly. That's why he's down here in the middle of crack heaven with four bullets in his body. He's not anything now, Frankie, he's __**dead.**__" Jane looks as though she instantly regrets her words, but she doesn't say sorry. She sets her jaw and looks defiantly at Frankie, who looks as though outrage is going to cause him to explode. _

_"You are...such a bitch." _

_"And you are fucking naive." _

_Frankie very nearly stomps his foot, "You can't always make the decisions for everyone. You're not always fucking right, Jane." _

_"I was right about Shane. I was right to keep him away from you. How do you think we would feel if you were lying there next to him with a bullet in your brain too!" _

_"HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL NOT TO BE?" _

_Their fight has escalated to the point where crime scene technicians are looking up curiously. _

_Maura puts her hand on Jane's arm. "Perhaps this isn't the right place to..." _

_But Frankie shakes his head, turning away. _

_"Forget it. Just forget it." _

_He stomps off, waving Frost away as he goes, and Maura holds Jane back from following._

_"let him go. You should both cool off." she says quietly. And Jane does, looking both apologetic and scared._

_..._

* * *

...

"Frankie," Maura pulls the door open on the middle Rizzoli, relief flooding through her. "Thank God, Come in."

Frankie ducks his head as he enters the house, giving Maura a chance to give him the once over. He looks drawn and tired but she can't see anything to be too worried about.

"We've been going out of our minds. Jane has been so worried."

"I turned my phone off," Frankie mutters, side stepping the stack of boxes in the front hall, empty and waiting.

"We gathered," Maura says, moving to follow him. "Look, Jane's not here right now, but you're more than welcome to wait. The girls are down, so-"

"I know Jane's not here. I waited around the block until she left...I came to see you," Frankie cuts across her, and Maura stops walking, looking up at him in surprise.

"Me?"

He fidgets a little. "I-I didn't know who else to go to who might understand."

"Oh," is all Maura can think to say, and for a moment they just stand there looking at each other.

"You've already started packing," Frankie says, moving towards the stool at the breakfast bar.

"Yes. Oh, God but we're so behind. This wasn't supposed to be our case but...because it's, well. Jane took it deliberately. I don't blame her, of course, but if we're going to do Thanksgiving at the new place..." She's rambling. trying to fill the silence between them. "we should be out right after the girls' birthday, " she continues, trying to get control of her mouth enough to _stop_ talking and let Frankie tell her why he's chosen her as a confidant.

But Frankie nods, half smiling, "five," he says, willing to go along with her light subject matter for the time being and Maura smiles too, relaxing a little. It is not lost on her that she can count on one hands the number of times she and Frankie have been alone together.

"Can you believe it? But it feels fitting. That the last thing we should do here is have a birthday party."

Frankie nods, sinking onto the stool at the breakfast bar, and Maura knows that he didn't come to talk about the move. No one in the family has heard from Frankie in three days. Since his fight with Jane.

"Fran-" she begins, but the officer cuts her off, looking up in to her face.

"Shane's clean," he says.

Maura nods, "Yes. He is. He was. Jane feels awful Frankie...She's been trying to reach you so that she can tell you how sorry-"

But Frankie makes an irritable gesture and waves her away, "I don't want to hear sorry from Jane," he says shortly.

Maura comes around the other side, pulling up her own stool.  
"She told me how she found you guys, that afternoon...When Shane first started using."

"She had just moved out. Ma and I were living in this...well, I wouldn't even have called it an apartment. The walls were so thin I could hear the mice running around behind the baseboards.  
It was the second worse place we stayed. It's only behind the studio apartment Ma got when we first lost the house. All of us together in one room."

Maura feels a stab of both pity and disgust and tries to push them away. Jane had told her about both of those places in the same tight lipped, dead faced way she used when speaking about any of the trials of her childhood.

"Shane used to listen to me. He used to listen to me when I said stuff. I coulda kept him away from all of that," Frankie says, his voice clipped.

"You were just a boy, Frankie," Maura says gently, "You don't know how it might have turned out."

"Neither did Jane! God, I was so mad at her. I thought she was abandoning us, and then she goes and takes my best friend away?"

"She was trying to keep you away from drugs."

"It didn't feel like that."

Maura nods. "I know," she says gently, "And I know how it must feel now that he's dead."

Frankie looks up at her, "Do you?" He sounds hopeful, as if he has been waiting for her to say this.

Maura pauses, "Yes. I think so."

There is silence. And Frankie doesn't ask, even though she can tell he is dying to know. She takes a deep breath.

"When my father died. I was very upset." She says, and Frankie looks at her like this could be the understatement of the century, but does not answer. Just waits.

"He was gone a lot when I was growing up, and the memories I have of him are...short." Maura pauses. "And he and my mother never got along and I often felt I had to pick sides between them. She carried so much bitterness...And she was there and he wasn't...and then he died, and I felt..." She gropes around for the correct word.

"Cheated," Frankie supplies, and Maura looks at him, feeling pleasantly surprised.

"Yes. Exactly. I just kept thinking of all the missed chances we had to know each other better, how if I had just reached out to him...ignored my mother." she sighs, looking back across the counter top at the young man in front of her. "It's not the same as Shane, of course. But I do understand what it feels like to lose someone without being able to tell them what you want to tell them."

Frankie runs his hand through his hair, such a Jane-ish move that Maura can't help but smile.

He looks up and catches her grin and returns it lopsidedly.

"You shouldn't have disappeared," she says softly. "I thought Jane was going to lose her mind." She lowers her voice conspiratorially, "I am pretty sure you're her favorite Rizzoli."

Frankie smiles, and even though he knows that they are technically joking, she can tell she's pleased him.

"Yeah okay," he says, "right after you and my nieces."  
Maura tries to hide her stunned expression. It never fails to jolt her heart to hear herself called a Rizzoli.

She looks back at Frankie, ready to continue joking, dismayed that he seems to have sobered up again.

"We don't fight," he says, looking up at her. "Jane and I," he continues when she looks baffled. "We don't fight. We've never really fought about anything...Ever." He looks up at Maura with wide eyes, and she nods. Jane told her as much two nights ago, when it became apparent that Frankie didn't want to be in contact with anyone.

"We were a lot alike, Shane's family and us. three kids, crappy father, overprotective mother. Only difference was Shane's dad was determined that they would be famous, and Jane was...determined that we survive."

Maura smiles. "I'd rather have Jane," she says quietly, and Frankie nods. "Me too. It's just, sometimes it's hard to be her brother. Sometimes it's hard to watch her suffer so much, or watch her make the hard decisions and spare other's feelings. And not because she's my sister and I love her, although that is part of it, but because...because..." Frankie looks up at her, pleading.

Maura nods, "Because you are trying hard too."

Frankie lets out a sigh like he has been holding it in his entire life, and Maura wonders if maybe she and the middle Rizzoli have more in common than she'd realized.

"Jane doesn't overshadow you on purpose, Frankie."

"That makes it worse," he says glumly, "And if she'd been right about Shane using aagin...I just."

Maura reaches out and grasps his wrist. "I know," she says again. And although it is not the most eloquent she's ever been, she feels that in those two words she is giving him more than she could have in a lecture on birth order.

"But Jane was wrong. She admits she's wrong. And she's doing everything she can to find out who killed Shane. You should see her."

Frankie smiles at her. "I know," he says, and then after a moment, "Thanks, Maura...for listening."

She squeezes his wrist before letting him go and turning to the fridge to get him a beer. "I will never over look you Frankie. Or forget the kind of brother you have been to Jane," she says, handing him the bottle. "Jane does what she does because of you, and you _deserve_ that kind of fierce love and loyalty more than anyone I know."

Frankie takes a long swig of his beer, and then looks at Maura, his face suddenly sly.

"I'm going to rub it in that she was wrong...forever."

Maura laughs, "Oh yes, you definitely should."

* * *

The Rizzoli siblings do not hug. Maura can count on one hand the number of times that she's seen any combination of Rizzoli sibling hugs. So it does not surprise her that when Frankie enters the precinct two days later, and Jane sees him for the first time in five days, that she grips his his bicep tightly with both of her hands, resting her head on his shoulder for a moment, and does not fling her arms around him.

"You jerk," she whispers. "You total asshole jerk."

He puts his hand on her shoulder, smiling. "I'm sorry too," he says. Jane play punches him in the chest.

He clasps Frost on the back and comes over to where Maura is standing.

He takes her hand. "Thank you, for the other night. And for not telling Jane about...all the things I said."

Maura waves him away. "Anytime," she says, making sure he can read in her face that she means it.

"Brother," Jane says from a few feet away, all business again. "I know who killed Shane."

Frankie's jaw clenches. "Did you get them?"

"No," Jane says, her face just as set. "You and I are going now. You've got your hand cuffs?"

Frankie beams at her, but she doesn't return the smile, and Maura knows that when Frankie discovers the culprits, he will not feel so elated either.

"Frankie..." Jane starts. "I'm...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all those things."

"He was clean, Jane."

"He was. I was wrong."

Frost and Maura's eyes go wide. Korsak's head pops up from behind his computer, "What? You were...did you just...Wait..._What?_"

Jane rolls her eyes. "alright alright," she says, good-naturedly. "Let's go, Frankie."

Maura watches the two out of the bull pen, shaking her head. She turns around to see Frost looking at her knowingly.

"What?" she asks.

"You. You fixed them," he says. "Your talk with Frankie brought him around."

"He just needed someone to listen to him," Maura says, "It could have been anyone."

"It wasn't me. It wasn't Korsak," Frost says, "It was you. You know what that means right?"

Maura looks at him, eyebrows raised.

Frost sighs impatiently. "He came to you. _His other sister_," Frost shakes his head again, smiling at Maura's wide eyes.

"Face it. You're not just the woman who married in anymore."

Maura doesn't know if Frost means this as a compliment or as a dig. But it doesn't matter.

She doesn't think she's heard anything more wonderful in her entire life.

* * *

**This is fluffy too right? guys? right? *sigh* well there had to be something to break up the house shopping and the toddler birthday fluff. Besides. I love Maura and Frankie bonding. **

**for those of you that asked. Tommy IS going to have baby TJ. Lydia will be making short dumb appearances. but not to the extent of the show, because...I hate her.**

**Also...Thanksgiving (chapter after next) is bringing a twist! I'll give you a hint, it rhymes with Prank Fenior...**

**Steph B! picked up on the phone call...that will be answered next chapter. **

**Davislp, I made the view from the new house just for you. Maura Isles Maura Isles was how this whole thing got started. I said to myself, what would make Maura trip over her name...Jane's smile. and 67 chapters later...**

**Boo. yes...yes you are. and it will be wonderfully dramatic. hopefully.**

**AE, there's no such thing as a late review. ever. **

**to those of you who asked. I currently have this fic outlined at 47 chapters and an epilogue...what do you think. would you hang in?**

**I love your reviews. I love that they're still coming, even now that the show is back. **

**I wish you all as always. **

**happy reading. **

**tc **


	12. Chapter 12

Maura grabs Jane's hand, pulling it back down her stomach.

"Don't you dare," she hisses.

"I heard them," Jane mumbles above her, "They're awake, Maur,"

"And I'm so close, baby. Please." Jane has been teasing her for close to half an hour, "There's no way I'm stopping now."

"Maur," Jane groans, "They're going to be in here in like, five minutes."

Maura grins wickedly, "I need three if you do it right" she challenges, and Jane's eyes snap up to meet hers.

"_If_ I do it right?" she asks, her voice already dropping.

Maura flexes her hips, smiling sweetly, knowing that her wife will fall right into the trap.

_"If_" she repeats.

Jane enters her quickly and roughly, growling. "You're saying I don't know how to please you?" she asks, her long fingers causing Maura's stomach to ripple with desire.

"No-ah...no. I'm-I-I...Ohhh," Maura has trouble finishing her sentence as Jane bends and kisses her ear, sending another wave of pleasure through her.

Jane kisses down to the top of her t-shirt and back up, her lips slow but insistent, and Maura feels dizzy. Jane's mouth leaves a trail across her skin that burns like fire.

She whimpers, as Jane adds a finger, feeling her climax building.

"hurry, hurry, hurry...oh-oh God," she pants, her hands pulling Jane's tank top up her body so she can drag her fingers across her back.

"I don't know, Doctor," Jane's voice is right by her ear again, "Am I doing it right?"

She pulls back to bite at Maura's chest through her t-shirt, grinning when Maura arches and moans.

"yes-yes, so good so good so good." like a chant.

Jane presses her lips to Maura's, her fingers slowing.

"You're going too fast, Maur. You said I had _three_ minutes."

But Maura shakes her head, managing to open her eyes, finding Jane's brown ones inches from hers.

"No. Now. _please. _Make me-now, please, pl-"

Jane obeys with a jerk upwards of her hand, and Maura convulses, her soft moan echoed by the brunette as she lets go too.

Jane falls back, smiling as Maura reaches around under the covers for her pants.

"You baited me," the detective says after a moment. Still smiling.

"Yes, darling, I did," Maura replies, sliding her sweat pants up her hips. "But you rose to the challenge magnificently."

Jane chuckles, sliding down under the blankets. But no sooner has she done this, then there is the thump of feet on hardwood next door.

Jane looks at Maura, "Are we ready for this? Are we ready for five?"

Maura pulls the covers up, putting a finger to her lips and shutting her eyes.

Jane does the same, trying to stop smiling.

The door creaks open not a second later, and Maura feels the covers rustle as her children climb up on the bed.

"They are sleepin'" Isabelle, Maura can tell by the hesitancy in her voice. The way she says it almost sadly. "they forget?"

"Mama," Sofia this time, and when Maura cracks her eyelid, she sees that the little girl is crouched with her face so close to Jane's that their noses are almost touching.

"Mama? s'our buff day." she says quietly.

Maura closes her eyes as Sofia turns to her, "Mommy?"

"_Fia," _Isabelle hisses, "Shoun't wake 'em"

But Maura opens her eyes sleepily, then, and sits up, pretending to stretch. "Hello darlings," she says, "Did you guys sleep well?"

"Mommy!" Isabelle cries, scrambling the rest of the way up the bed, "Happy buff day to me and to Fia!" she says, and Maura frowns.

"A birthday?" She pretends to think, trying not to smile as two sets of worried eyes search her face. "No...I don't think it's your birthday...I'm sure I would remember."

"No!" Says Sofia, very seriously, "Mama circled it on th' calendar, 'member?"

"hmm," Maura says, and she reaches over to touch Jane's shoulder, "Jane, honey, is today our little girls' birthday?"

Jane rolls over, her brown eyes sparkling, even as she says, "It can't be...that would mean that they are five years old today...and the last time I checked, they were babies."

Isabelle stands up on the bed, Sofia scrambling up next to her, and Maura realizes, with a little bit of a shock, that Sofia is almost two inches taller.

"We is five, Mama! We is _five_."

Jane reaches out and pulls them both down into a heap of giggles, making sure to kiss each little head five times. Sofia wriggles free and comes to sit in Maura's lap. Maura smooths her hair and gives her a squeeze.

"Happy birthday, nugget," She says quietly. And to Isabelle, "Happy birthday, golden girl."

"Where's our presents?" they say together.

Jane rolls her eyes, "Mommy and Mama are your presents, and you're each other's presents. We're together and healthy and happy. That's your present."

Sofia considers her mother from Maura's lap.

"So...no _real_ presents?"

Maura laughs and starts to roll them out of bed. "Well, let's go see if there's anything _real_ in the living room, shall we?"

And the girls squeal and jump off the bed, pounding down the hallway towards the living room.

"Did you see Sofia's taller now?" Maura asks, shrugging into a Boston PD sweatshirt as Jane pulls sweats up over her boxers.

"Yeah, Ma said I was like that around this age. Starting to stretch."

"She looks more like you every single day."

"And she sounds more like you," Jane counters, pulling Maura to her, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. "It's pretty great, right?"

Maura smiles, "Yes. pretty great."

"Mommy, let's GO!" two little voices ring out, and both women start down the hall, though the buzzing of Jane's phone stops her after a couple of steps.

She pulls it out of her pocket and looks down, her face getting hard.

"No," Maura says, wondering if her own phone is buzzing back in their bedroom. "We told Cavenaugh-"

"It's not Cavenaugh," Jane cuts her off, turning back to the bedroom. "Go ahead, Maura. I'll be right there." she glances up and at the look on Maura's face, gives her a fleeting grin that barely reaches her eyes. "Two seconds. I'll be right there. I promise."

Maura hesitates for a second, but at another squeal from her children, she turns and heads into the living room.

...

New outfits, shoes, a princess dollhouse for Sofia and a lego set for Isabelle later, the girls are sitting at the breakfast bar, finishing the eggs that Maura has set in front of them, when Jane's phone buzzes again.

She pulls it out and frowns.

Maura huffs, "honestly, Jane, can't you-" But she stops when she sees that Jane is holding the phone out to her.  
She takes it and looks down.

_Constance Isles._

Too confused to think about it, she presses the button to pick up the call and puts the phone to her ear.

"Mother?"

a pause. "Maura?"

"Yes,"

"Oh," Constance sounds a little confused and Maura remembers that she's on Jane's phone.

"You called Jane?"

"No, I tried your phone repeatedly, and then I called Jane," She says sounding peeved and much more like the Constance that Maura knows.

"Oh...Are you alright? Why did you call me?"

"To tell you that the girl's birthday presents are outside your front door. I had the delivery man notify me so that I could call when they arrived." Maura looks up at Jane, who is looking back at her.

"You didn't have to send their gifts, mother," she says, and both girls turn to look at her excitedly. "They could have waited until Thanksgiving."

"Nonsense," Constance says. "They're on the front step, like I said...I'll leave you to it."

"No!" Maura says, and she gestures at Jane, "No, you sent them all the way here, the least we can do is have you hear the girls unwrap them."

"Unwrap?!" Isabelle says excitedly?

"Unwrap what, Mommy? More?" Sofia pipes up.

"Gramma's on the phone. she says her presents for you you are outside on the ste-"

Maura has barely finished her sentence and the girls are wiggling down from their booster seats, and running towards the front door, Jane close behind them.

"You really didn't have to do this, Mother," Maura says, smiling, following her children down the hall.

They throw the front door open on two of the shiniest bicycles that Maura has ever seen. purple and gold with silver streamers and front baskets. Training wheels sparkling in the crisp fall sun like diamonds.  
Maura can barely hear her mother over the shrieks of her children as they dance around their new bikes, not really approaching yet, as though afraid they might disappear if touched.

Constance chuckles, a sort of raspy, emotion constricted laugh that makes Maura turn away from the commotion at the door, stepping into the living room so she can hear better.

"Mom?"

"You'll tell them I say happy birthday? And that I truly do regret not making it to their birthday."

"Yes," Maura says, "And they're very excited to see you at Thanksgiving."

Maura hears Constance take a deep breath. "I am looking forward to that very, very much."

"Mommy, come see my most precious of all things!" Isabelle squeals, and they both laugh again.

"I'll let you go," Constance says, sounding a little wistful.

"Thank you, for everything."

There is silence on the other end for a moment, and when Constance speaks, it is clear that she is fighting tears.

"They are like a second chance for me, almost. I know that sounds silly, but I..."

"No, it's not. I think it's wonderful."

The silence this time is comfortable.  
"I love you, Mother."

"I love you too, Maura. Stay well."

...

* * *

...

It's the twins first time at the precinct. Jane would have kept them away longer, but Maura has been pressing for weeks. She knows that Jane is nervous about explaining to the girls exactly what it is that they do, but Maura thinks that their children will surprise them. They are going to pick up Frost and Frankie and head to Angela's for the birthday dinner, and as they pull up to the front of the building, Maura feels her heart rate increase just a tiny bit.

"Ready munchkins?" Jane says glancing at Maura, her eyes asking _are we ready?_

"This is where you work, Mommy?" Sofia asks, looking out the window at the red brick building.

"Yes, I work downstairs and Mama works upstairs." Maura says, opening the door so her children can wriggle down.

"Why you work in the basement?" Sofia asks, raising her arms so her mother will pick her up.

But Maura shakes her head and puts out her hand, firmly.

"Big girls walk," she says, and behind her, Jane, who had been in mid lift with Isabelle, lowers the child back down to the ground, looking guilty.

Maura smiles, "It's not a basement like our basement. It's my office. It's where I help all the officers and detectives figure out who the baddies are."

Sofia nods, taking this in.

Inside the door they meet the new security guard, who produces two lollipops from the pocket of his vest. _You can't be five. You have to be at least twenty._

Jane rolls her eyes, reaching down to unwrap the sweets. "One thing at a time, Mel. Seriously," she smiles as she leads them through the turnstile towards the elevator.

"God," Jane says, "Twenty." She looks at Maura, "Can they just stay four forever?"

"Mama, we is not four." Isabelle says firmly.

"Yes. we is five now," Sofia echoes. "_honestly_."

Jane rolls her eyes, but smiles as they race to press the button for the elevator.

...

They love the bullpen. Love everything about it. Frost is there, and he has found them a police hat and a surgical mask from somewhere.

He gives the hat to Sofia and the mask to Isabelle, but after a moment, they switch, Sofia liking the way the mask slips over her ears.

Jane watches intently as Isabelle puts the police hat on her head.

"I'm going to be a police man, Mama." Isabelle says, placing the hat on her head.  
Jane feels her heart skip, and wonders if this sudden bolt of terror is the way her own mother felt when she made that same announcement.

"You can be anything you want to be," Maura says quickly, reading Jane's expression, "Don't limit yourself just yet."

Isabelle reaches up and runs her fingers over Jane's belt, worn now, but just as strong. "You have a gun, Mama?"

Jane glances at Maura. "Yes," she says lifting Isabelle to sit on her desk. Both her children know what guns are, and what they do. There had not been any way to avoid this subject.

"You use it to get baddies?"

"Yes."

"You and Mommy say guns are bad."

Jane falters, and Maura wills her to stay calm. To remember what they talked about.

Jane looks down at Isabelle, "They are, honey. And I try really hard not to use mine. But sometimes I have to use it so that the baddies don't hurt someone who didn't do anything wrong."

Isabelle looks up at her. "You use it only on baddies?"

"Yes," Jane says firmly.

"But baddies use it on anybody." Sofia says, coming up behind them, asking to be lifted up next to her sister. "That's why Mama needs it. She's a superhero."

Jane looks at Sofia like she's saved her life.

"That's right," Maura says, beaming at Jane.

"She's a superhero."

"JANE!" someone shouting the detective's name makes them all whirl around, Sofia so fast that she nearly topples off the desk. Maura catches her and rights her as Frankie comes running towards them.

"Frankie, what-" Jane stops mid sentence at the look on Frankie's face.

"It's Tommy."

Maura watches Jane tense, her eyes snapping between her oldest brother and her partner.

"What about Tommy?"

"He got into some kind of trouble. We gotta go get him."

Maura feels dread slip down into her stomach. "What kind of trouble?"

Frankie glances at Frost, and then shrugs. "I dunno, Jane, he was just screaming and then his phone went dead and...I don't know. Rosario traced his cell, so let's go.

Jane looks at Frost, her eyes wide.

"Leave the girls here. We'll meet you at your mother's for the party tonight okay?"

Jane nods numbly, already racing away after Frankie.

Maura reaches for Jane as they hurry behind him.

she gives her wife a reassuring squeeze. "It's going to be okay," she whispers, and Jane looks at her, face full of barely controlled panic. "Whatever it is, it's going to be okay. We're going to figure it out." She doesn't know who she's convincing.

The car ride is a whirl of red and blue lights and a wail of sirens as they speed through downtown and turn up the steep narrow street of Beacon Hill.

Maura catches her breath as they stop outside of a very familiar house.

"Frankie, this is our new house. This is where Tommy's cell phone is?"

As if in answer to her question, the door to the front door opens and Tommy Rizzoli steps out. He's wearing jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt, and both are spattered in something dark and red.

Maura gasps, making Jane look around.

"Oh, My-" she nearly breaks the car door off the cruiser as she pushes it open.

"TOMMY? What the hell are you doing in my house? What are you covered in? Is that? What the fu-"

"Sis, there's no time. Is Maura with you? In here!" He's already turning back to the house, and Jane follows, and Maura has to run a little to keep up with them.

They follow the youngest Rizzoli through the house, up the first set of stairs and down the hall. Maura's brain is whirring endlessly over the myriad of problems that could have occurred. Although she has never been one to jump to conclusions, she can't help but assume that Tommy is covered in blood. That there is a dead person somewhere in her brand new, beautiful house.

"In here," Tommy says, stopping by a closed door. "I had to open all the windows to get the smell out, so...Doctor, you'd better go in first...I think you should be the first to see it."

He's wringing his hands, breath coming in shallow bursts.

Maura steels herself. and pushes open the door.

There is no body. There is no wounded person or animal or even a crime scene at all. What there is, is the most beautiful set of bunk beds that Maura has ever seen. It is hand made, deep red and solid, with support bars running the length of the frame.

And on the middle bar, in silver script, Tommy has written his neice's names.

_Isabelle_, In curving letters on the top

_Sofia_, on the bottom.

"Oh," Maura says as she takes it in. It's built against the wall and each frame is big enough to hold a full size bed. On the either end, a little built in desk.

"I wanted to show you guys first...so if there was something wrong with it you could..." But Tommy doesn't get any further, because Maura has pulled him into a hug that is tight enough to rival one of Angela's.

"Tommy. You-you," she stammers, looking over at Jane, who seems to be frozen in shock. She isn't moving, even though Frankie has his hand on her shoulder, murmuring to her. Maura looks back at Tommy.

She pulls back and punches him on the arm, as hard as she can. "You are a complete ass!" she says, "This is the most wonderful birthday present you could have gotten them and you scared us to death. You total _jerk!_"

Tommy's look of shock and apprehension fall away as he chuckles, rubbing his arm.

"Language, Dr. Isles." He says softly, pulling her to him for another hug.

"Our brothers," Jane sputters into speech behind them, finally, and Maura whirls to see her shaking her head, her long hair falling through her face.  
Maura laughs, pointing at Frankie in mock accusation.

"Yes," she says, rolling her eyes.

"_you two_."

...

* * *

...

When they meet at Angela's for the birthday dinner, Frost reaches out to Tommy, clasping his hand. "How'd it go?" he asks, and Jane punches him this time, chuckling.

The girls are tucked up on the couch watching a movie, and barely look around when their parents enter, although Isabelle reaches her hand behind her, over the couch, and both Maura and Jane bend to kiss it.

Angela embraces both women, "Dinner's ready in five. Did you see the beds? Isn't he amazing?"

"So everyone knew?" Jane asks incredulously.

"Yep," Tommy says, his face shining like a much younger man. He pulls a bottle of water and a beer out of the fridge, handing the corona to Jane.  
"You two are the best in the state. You're not easy to fool."

Jane smiles, accepting the bottle and moves to wrap her arm around Maura, but her phone buzzes at that moment, and she moves off down the hall to answer it.

Maura looks expectantly at her phone, and when it doesn't go off, she makes her decision, turning to go after Jane.

"I told you, I don't want to hear from you, so you can stop calling. Stop leaving me messages. All of it. You're nothing to me." Jane is saying as Maura comes up behind her.

She hangs up the phone angrily and turns around, and her face goes pale when she sees Maura standing there.

"Maur,"  
"That's the second time today and the fifth time this week, Jane. What's going on?"

Jane looks both guilty and...afraid.

Maura feels her stomach clench unpleasantly, and her mind races over all the things that "you're nothing to me" could mean.

"Hey," Jane reaches out and touches her face. "No. Don't. Whatever that big brain of yours is imagining is wrong."

"Then tell me...who were you talking to."

Jane takes a deep breath, running her fingers through her hair. She bites her lip.

"My father."

* * *

**Uh oh, cliffhanger! Lol, you guys don't hate me. I'm sorry I was away. This weekend got a little real and I had to sort it out. But I'm back and you can expect updates daily again. And to make up for it! Here is a supersized chapter, with tons of fluff...and... frank senior. **

**Bring on the thanksgiving Drams!**

**see you all tomorrow!**

**happy reading **

**tc **


	13. Chapter 13

"You had no right!" Jane's voice is low an dangerous and Maura knows that that is more cause for concern than if she yelled. "You had no right to do that, Ma. I can't believe you would-"

"He's their grandfather, Jane. He asked, what was I supposed to do?"

Maura sees a glimmer of panic in Jane's features. She reaches out and rubs Jane's arm supportively.

"You were supposed to say _NO!" _

_"_He's their-"

"He's their _nothing," _Jane says fiercely. "He's nothing to them just like he's nothing to me. You let him near my kids, Ma? And I swear to God I will never let them stay with you again."

It's not an empty threat. Both Maura and Angela can tell in the way Jane holds herself very still and the way she makes sure her mother looks her in the face.  
"Jane...I want us all to be a family. I want us to be like it used to be."

"And how was that, Ma? Miserable? We were miserable when Pop was around."

"No you weren't," Angela says dismissively, and Jane looks at Maura, flabbergasted.

"She was pretty miserable, Angela," Maura says softly, squeezing Jane's arm.

"You were a moody kid!" Angela says swiftly, turning her back on them. "Everything made you miserable.

Jane is vibrating next to Maura, her whole face lined with anger and fear. The doctor has always hated what even the mention of Frank Sr. does to her wife.  
"Okay," Jane says, trying to get ahold of herself. "So, he just called out of the blue and asked for pictures of my children? He just all of a sudden wants to know them?"

Angela looks a little guilty, and Maura can read what's written there immediately. She tightens her grip on Jane's arm as the brunette begins to understand.

"Oh, my God."

"He came to the hospital when they were _born_, Jane, and I sent him away because I knew it would upset you...but he's always been interested in..." Angela trails off at the look of horror on her daughter's face.

"Oh, Angela," Maura breathes, and with her other hand Maura reaches up and rubs Jane's back, feeling her muscles get tighter and tighter. "Jane," she says softly, but Jane shakes her head.

"Ma...I can't even believe that you would..."  
Angela wrings her hands, looking from Maura to Jane, trying to find sympathy somewhere. "He loves you so much, Jane. He just doesn't know how to say it."  
"Why is he calling me now?"

Angela hesitates, glancing at Maura. "He...wants to meet Sofia."

"Well he can't meet them. So he can just-"

"No," Angela says slowly. "He just wants...to meet Sofia."

Maura makes a sound like a hiccup. She isn't sure which is worse, look on Jane's face as she digests this information, or the hard cold rush of fury and devastation that Frank Sr. has only asked after _Sofia_.

Jane's hand is immediately in the small of her back, guiding her towards the door. She lets herself be led, like a sleep walker, let's Jane open the passenger side of the car and shut it again once she's sitting.

She does not hear Angela calling and calling them. Does not hear Jane's swear words as she maneuvers them out of the drive.

She hears only her thoughts. The steady in and out of her breath as she tries to stay calm.

_He wants to meet Sofia. His Granddaughter. His blood. He only wants to see her_. The words tumble and get mixed up in her head as she stares unseeing out the car window as the city slips by.

She barely notices when Jane puts the car in park outside their house, and for a moment she is disoriented.

"Where..."

"Home," Jane says gently, putting her hand over Maura's. "It still feels a little weird, to come here instead of going out to Cambridge, right?"

"Oh..." Maura says, looking out the window at their house. Not really seeing

_He wants to see Sofia. _

"Okay," she says vaguely, getting out of the car.

Frankie meets them at the door, his neutral expression slipping to worry as Maura brushes by him and heads towards the living room.

The house on Beacon hill is still stuffed with unpacked boxes, and she side steps them carefully, not commenting on how thanksgiving is in three days, or how only the kitchen and Master bedroom are fully unpacked. She disappears around the corner and Frankie looks at Jane.

"Ma called," he says softly. "She was in hysterics. Says you stormed out..."

"Pop wants to see Sofia," She says, watching Frankie's face color with anger.

"Only Sofia," she finishes.

"Fucking bastard," Frankie swears under his breath.

"Did you know Ma's been sending him pictures since they were born?"

"No," Frankie says wide eyed. "But it doesn't surprise me...He could always talk her into anything."

"Not into letting him stay," Jane says quietly.

"No," Frankie agrees.

They stand for a moment, brother and sister, each lost in separate memories. The Frankie seems to shake himself. He heads towards the door. "They're your kids, Janie, okay?"

Jane smiles, as he pulls the door open and heads down the walk.  
"Thank you for sitting," she says.

"Anytime."

She shuts the door behind him and makes her way among the maze of boxes to the living room, where Maura is holding up a sweater.

"Maur,"  
"We can't buy them the same size anymore," she says quietly.

"What?"

"Sofia's too tall, she's almost forty six inches. Isabelle is barely forty."

"Maura,"

"I can't buy them the same size anymore when I go to the store. They're...growing differently, because they have different genes and different...blood," She looks up at Jane, her face etched with distress.  
Jane sits down next to her, tugging the sweater from her, taking her hands. "Honey," she begins.

"When they were little. When they were babies, I could pretend that they were connected to us and each other."

"They are, Maur-"

"They're connected to each other. They're sisters, but not because of _us_, Jane. They're sisters because they have the same unknown sperm donor. That's what connects them and they are going to grow up and I'm going to lose her. I'm going to lose her because she's not going to be...she's not going to see anything to love in me..." Maura is dissolving. Jane reaches out and pulls her into her arms.

"shh," she says quietly. "You're wrong. You're so wrong," Jane whispers into her hair.

"I'm not."

"Who is the only person allowed to wash Sofia's hair?"

Maura sniffs, "Me."

"That's right. Who knows exactly how she likes to have her sandwich cut up, and who always does it wrong?"

Maura manages a smile. Jane kisses the side of her head. "Who could explain the solar system and the stars and the planets to her with such enthusiasm that she drew almost nothing else for a week?"

Maura leans back against Jane's chest "Maur. My mother is an idiot when it comes to my father. And my father is...well...he's just an asshole." She squeezes her wife, "And we were wrong when they were born. We thought that there would be a little you and a little me running around our house," Jane tilts Maura's chin so they are looking at each other. "We were so wrong. They're us, and they're themselves. and they're both like me and like you and like Frost, even. I wouldn't have them any other way. I wouldn't want them connected to me any way but this way."

Maura leans forward to kiss Jane, who smiles against her lips, using her thumbs to wipe the tears away.

"Mommies? Is that you guys?" A voice calls from upstairs.

"It's us guys," Jane calls back, not taking her eyes of Maura.

"Iz! Mama and Mommy are home!" Sofia cries, and both women stand as their children thunder down the stairs to say hello.

...

* * *

...

Constance arrives Wednesday morning, the doorbell ringing promptly at 10am, just as she'd said. "Do you think she gets here early and waits in the car?" Jane asked, following the sqealing twins down the stairs to the entryway.

"Hey!" she calls, "What did we say about the stairs?"

The girls automatically raise their hands to the railing, but do not slow down.

Jane shakes her head, "Brilliant idea, moving to a house with more stairs than the empire state building." she laughs over her shoulder at Maura, "It's a good thing you're a doctor, because one of them is going to fall down and bust her head open."

Maura shakes her head, smiling, slipping her arm around Maura as Sofia pulls the door open.

"Gramma!" They throw themselves at her and in a completely un Constance like fashion, she drops to her knees to embrace them.

Maura gasps, and Jane smiles,squeezing her.

"Darlings," Constance says gathering them into her arms. "How lovely to see you both, come, let me look at you."

"It's good to see you Gramma," Sofia says, wrapping her arms tightly around Constance's neck while Isabelle clasps her hands together, face shining. Constance stands, her smile just as wide as the girls.  
"You both looks very well," she says and she looks up at Jane and Maura, beaming.  
"You two too," she says, moving forward to embrace Maura, giving her two short pecks on the cheek.

She reaches out and grasps Jane's hand for a moment.

"Constance," Jane says, a smile in her eyes.

"Jane."

"Gramma. Did you bring us presents?" Sofia asks, looking her Grandmother up and down as though a toy might be hidden in the folds of her pea coat.

"Fee," Jane scolds, shaking her head.

"Yeah," Isabelle says, "say _please_, Fia."

"Sorry," Fia corrects herself, standing up a little straighter, "_Please_ did you bring us gifts." Constance laughs and turns to look for her bag.

"Oh, Mother, honestly. You're going to spoil them," Maura says turning away towards the living room, gesturing that her mother should follow in her path between the cardboard sea. "I'm sorry we're not completely moved in. Jane and I caught a case last week that was day and night."

Constance looks as though she might comment on the stacks, but seems to change her mind.

"I'm impressed you've done as much as you have," she says, and Maura grins appreciatively.

"Mommy! Gramma can take us to the park!" Isabelle pipes up suddenly, and Jane groans.

"Iz, for the last time. We don't have time to go to the park today. Mommy has to prep food, Mama has to clean, and I'm sure Gramma wants to rest a little from her flight."

But Constance looks thoughtful. "I would not mind taking them," she says and Jane's eyebrows shoot up almost into her hair line.

"If you don't mind me taking them," Constance says quickly.

Jane stares.

"Please, Mama?" Sofia and Isabelle stand side by side, looking up at her, their faces twin puppies, with sad wide eyes.

"Jane crouches down. "You listen to everything Gramma says."

"YES YES!"

"If I get one bad report..."

"You won't! PROMISE!"

Jane stands as Maura moves forward, "If you're sure you don't mind, Mom?"

"Mind?" Constance bends to button the coat that Isabelle has shrugged on.

"Christmas has come early."

* * *

_You stay away from them. If you come after these children I will have you locked up so fast that your head will spin._

Maura and Jane sprint down Beacon hill, both in sneakers, and without coats. Both breathing hard already, though not from the speed.

...

_"There's a man following us. He keeps looking at the girls..." _

_..._

Maura holds Jane back suddenly, as they near the corner, looking up and down it. She can hear her heart beat loud in her ears, but her mother's strong authoritative voice rings over everything.

...

_"I'm starting home with them...but you'd better come...He does not look friendly. Or altogether sober."_

_..._

"Jane, oh Jane...oh. I don't see them anywhere."

"It's okay." Jane's voice comes in short bursts and she looks around too.

...

_"Maura, I think you'd better come. I think-" _But the phone had gone dead then. Nothing but a sharp clatter, like plastic on concrete.

...

Maura turns and sees them. A block away on the next corner.

Constance, with Sofia in her arms, and Isabelle by her side.

Frank Sr. is standing in front of them, waving his hands wildly.

"Jane! There!"

Both women start to run.

_I'm their Grandfather lady._

Maura can tell, even from this far away, that Frank is drunk from the way he sways in front of the threesome. Jane and Maura speed up, trying to get there in time. _"_Oh, God," Maura thinks, "Let us get there in time."

_You are no more their Grandfather than that trashcan is._

Maura sees her mother pull Isabelle closer to her, hand securely around her little shoulders. She is holding Sofia in one arm, a feat that even Jane finds hard to sustain now a days, and her blue eyes are ice cold.

_I know all about you. I know what you did to that woman when she was a child and a teenager. your own daughter _

They are getting closer, and although Maura cannot make out Constance's words, she can hear the tone, dripping with disdain.

_I know what you think of my daughter and if you think I'm gonna let you come near these two then you are much less intelligent than I previously surmised._

It takes Frank a moment to comprehend her insult, but when he does his face darkens and he lunges forward, "You fucking-"

Constance turns away, taking two quick steps and dropping Sofia to the ground, giving both girls a push. "Go home!" she says, giving the reluctant little girl a push, "Go!" and they do, Isabelle turning to take Sofia's hand and pull her along.

And Jane and Maura, running down the street towards them, see Constance turn back around, and place herself firmly between the twins and Frank.

"Fia! Isabelle!" Jane cries, and Isabelle's head snaps up. Sofia is still looking back over her shoulder at Constance.

"Mommy!"

Maura feels Jane speed up next her her, pointing at their children,"Maura," she says, and Maura slows to grab her children as the rush into her arms.

Constance has turned slightly, bracing herself for Frank, and his hand is inches away from her hair when Jane reaches them.  
With a grunt, she grabs his him, twisting his hand down while the other hand shoots up and out, her palm connecting with a sickening crack against her father's nose.

Frank hits the ground with a heavy thud, and Jane is on him in a second, pulling her fist back and punching him so hard in the face that he does not move when she pulls back again. She curls her fingers, ignoring the pain that shoots into her elbow, looking down at him, her face a mask of wild fury.

But a soft hand grabs her wrist, so familiar and yet completely different.

She turns her head to see Constance, her face very, very gentle, her hand firmly around the detectives wrist.

"Jane," she says quietly, looking into the detective's eyes "It's okay."  
Jane shivers, but doesn't move from where her knee is placed firmly on her father's chest. She looks up into Constance's face, her own expression clearing, like someone waking up after a long sleep. The blood is still pounding in her ears, her breath coming hard and fast from her sprint up the street.

"Are you-are you okay?" she asks, her dark eyes sweeping Constance's face.

The older woman nods, "Yes. And look. Your children are okay too..._Look_, darling," she says, and Jane looks around Constance, to where Maura has Isabelle on her hip, her arm around Sofia.

"You-You put yourself...you" Jane is still stuttering, the adrenaline leaving her slowly, causing the edges of her vision to crinkle and darken.

Constance pulls firmly on her wrist, and the detective stands, wobbling a little. Constance steadies her, a hand on her shoulder.

"You are not the only one who can be brave for them, Detective," she says quietly, and Jane shudders and begins to cry, her thin shoulders shaking.

Constance hesitates for a moment, and then pulls her into a hug.

And Jane hugs her back hard, tucking her head under Constance's chin the way a child might. They way Maura might have when she was younger. If Constance had been there.

"It's okay," she says, quietly. "It's okay." She looks at Maura, swaying with Isabelle, watching with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face.  
"I'm here now."

...

* * *

...

Thursday. Thanksgiving.

Frost and Frankie show up ready, four six packs between them, each wearing a hideous christmas sweater, and a Patriots baseball cap.

Then Tommy, sporting a burnt looking pie and a lopsided grin. Patriots jersey in place.  
And finally Korsak, with a bottle of wine for Maura, and chocolate lollipops in the shapes of pumpkins for the girls.

"Well, we know who your favorite is," Jane pretends to pout.

They pile onto the couch with Jane and Sofia, and scream at the TV.

Patriots versus Cowboys.

"Mama, if the Cowboys win I will literally _die_" Sofia moans from her perch on the back of the couch. She is flung over Tommy's head, staring with intense brown eyes at the screen, and when the patriots score, Tommy leaps to his feet, launching her into the air by default. Maura gasps, but he catches her as she comes down, and she is all giggles and smiles. Jane has found her a tiny Patriots bandanna, and she wears it around her head like a do-rag, grinning when Frost uses Maura's eye liner to paint a black strips under each eye.

"Who are you?" he asks excitedly.

"Tom Brady!" she squeals, scrambling back up on the couch. "Tha best quah ter back in HISTORY!"

"We. Are. Winning. We. Are. Winning." She crows, a chant echoed by her uncles, and then her mother.

Jane reaches out and slaps her five.  
"That's my girl."

...

Isabelle takes refuge in the kitchen with her mother and Grandmother, rolling her eyes like a pro whenever there is an outburst from the living room.

"You don't like football, Isabelle?" Constance asks her, sneaking her the leftover dough from the pie crust.

"Totally, incivilized," Isabelle says seriously, and Constance laughs.

"You may be half Rizzoli, but you are definitely an Isles as well."

Maura chuckles, swatting both of their hands away from the apple filling about to go in the pie pan.

...

two o clock. three. quarter til. Maura finds Jane in the entry hall, looking out the window by the door.

"Did you call her?" She asks, coming up behind her. snaking her arms around Jane's waist.

"Yeah. After they put Pop in lock up." Jane sags a little. "She's not coming."

Maura sighs, "She might be struggling with a lot of things, Jane. She could feel guilty, like she's to blame for what happened today. She might be angry at herself...she might not know how to face you..."

"You're _guessing_, Doctor," Jane smiles, turning to hug Maura and place a kiss to her forehead.

"Yes. To make you feel better. Is it working?"

Jane chuckles. "Yes."

Maura pulls away, turning back to the noise of the living room, where her family is sitting around the TV, warm and comfortable and safe. she tugs on Jane's hand, and after a moment, she follows.

They are almost back to the doorway, when the bell rings.

Jane turns around, and looks at the door like it's come alive.

Isabelle skids around the corner and runs towards the door, stopping at the front.

"Who's it?" she calls.  
"Nona," Comes the familiar voice, and Jane makes a noise that could be a sigh of relief or a whimper.

Isabelle pulls the door open. "Nona! You are so late. Mama has been worried!" she says, and she gives her grandmother a fleeting hug before turning and running back towards the living room.

Angela look up at her daughter.

"She was worried?"

Jane steps forward, sighing and shaking her head. "I thought you might not come."

"Janie. I'm so-" Jane raises her hand.

"Ma. The patriots won. Tommy's had nothing but seltzer all afternoon. Frankie hasn't let slip one swear in front of the girls." She raises her shoulders and lets them fall with another big sigh. "I will be pissed as hell at you. Tomorrow, okay?"

Angela smiles softly, nodding. "Tomorrow."

...

_Okay, everyone has said what they are thankful for, I just have one last thing before we all eat. Well, rather, the girls do. I know that you are all very Italian, but what you may not know is that Maura has a lot of Scottish blood in her. Which means the girls do too. So I taught them a traditional Scottish prayer to say over the food. _

_Constance looks at the twins, nodding. _

_Isabelle takes a breath. "Here's tae us" she says in a surprisingly magnificent scottish accent_

_Sofia smiles, "Wha's like us?" she says, her accent just as good. _

_"Damn few!" Isabelle says with a wicked glance at Maura. _

_"And they're a' deid" the girls finish together. _

_The table is laughing too hard to even think about eating for the next several minutes. _

* * *

**SO LONG! Happy thanksgiving! lol just a little bit late. So here's your last bit of fluff before we're into Melt my Heart to Stone. The fluff is only fluff if there's darkness to go with it, right? right? also the translation of that Robert Burns poem that the girls say at the end is "Here's to us, who's as good as us? Damn few, and they're all dead." it's one of my favorites. **

**JMpack, nikki, fergz, davislp, bookiewookie, stephB bnh, poeticphantom. thank you! I like fluffs too. Sort of...I find it harder to write than the sad, though for whatever reason. **

**The guest that said the twins should be more articulate...I tried to find a medium here...what say you?**

**FA, AE, Jobee. You guys. this chap is for you. For keeping sane through all of it. :) ya'll are the best. **

**happy reading!**

**tc **


	14. Chapter 14

Maura's hands rub at Jane's palms, her perfect, delicate fingers running circles of varying pressure around the thing scars in the middle of the detective's hands.

As winter settles across Boston for the eighth time since Maura has been back in the States, the doctor's hands revel in their favorite season of routines:

stretch, run fingers through hair, reach out and take the hand of the woman they love, and rub her morning aches away.

Jane sighs into her pillow, her eyes still closed. And Maura's hands press a little harder, knowing that it is going to twinge a little, but that in the end, she will be able to go for hours without hurting.

"It's almost time to get up, sweetheart," Maura says quietly, and one hand gets the pleasure, the overwhelming privilege of reaching to smooth dark silky hair back from her face.

The other hand, still with long fingers intertwined around it, twitches a little.

Jealousy.

"Don't stop," Jane's sleep soaked voice rumbles out from the silk pillow, making Maura tingle all the way into her fingertips. "Please."

Maura's hands jump back to work, eager to please. It snowed in the night, just a couple of inches, but Jane's long tapered fingers must feel the dampness, even if the house is warm and bright.

"They hurt this morning?" Maura stifles a yawn.

"They hurt always. All the times you are not doing that." Jane rolls over and puts her other one out. It shakes a little, and Maura clucks, taking this beautiful, more scarred hand in hers, instructing her fingers to be gentle with this one, as it has been through so much.

Maura's hands understand. They are just as in love as she is, and they would snap themselves off at the wrist before they would hurt this woman.

"The winters are always the worst," Maura reminds Jane, as she has for seven seasons before this. As she hopes to for decades to come. "Soon it will be the spring and then summer and you won't even feel them anymore."

This is stretching the truth, and Maura's hands hesitate, waiting for any sign of protest from the woman half asleep next to her.

There is silence except for her breathing, and Maura thinks that maybe she has fallen back asleep. Her hands resume their normal pattern: out. push. in. sweep. push. her fingers are figure skaters.

Maura jumps when Jane speaks again, suddenly.

"God. That is magic," she groans, opening her eyes, and half sitting up, not taking her hand away.

Maura's fingers rejoice at the compliment.

Yes...Magic.

They know.

...

* * *

...

_Jane must actually be a superhero, Maura thinks, as darkness begins to obscure her vision. No one knew she was here.  
How did Jane know?  
Her hands move of their own volition, reaching out for her detective, fingers curling as if they could grab her. reach her.  
Jane's eyes flick to them once, before she looks back up at Denis._

_ The detective's hands are not shaking. No way. _

_She is as steady as she always is, though her eyes are wide. _

_Her gun is pointed at Denis' head, and Maura knows he will die. Knows that Jane is going to kill him, one way or the other, for even speaking about taking Maura away from her.  
For his mere suggestion._

_Denis takes a step back. Towards the elevator shaft.  
She feels the knife settle on her shoulder against her neck. Almost casually. _

_"You think you're so smart?" _

_"No. No. Just lucky," Jane's voice is low with the effort of keeping her anger contained. _

_Maura wants to correct them both. _

_Jane is a superhero._

_ ..._

* * *

_..._

Maura's hands are the best at buttons, bows and shoe laces. Her fingers are quick and nimble and subdue the fly away hair tie or the stray shoe lace in seconds.

"Isabelle come here and let me do up your jacket, you cannot go out to play in this weather with it open."

Isabelle jumps and fidgets, and Maura's fingers get slightly giddy at the challenge, following the bouncy little frame like they are in a race. Like someone is timing from the sidelines.

Maura has to win.

"Mommy, my shoe." Sofia balances her tiny foot on her mother's knee and Maura instructs her fingers to slow down, as her daughter's hands close over hers.

"Here's mister bunny! Around the tree and through the rabbit hole. Pull super tight."

Isabelle cannot be bothered with learning, but Sofia has almost got it. Her face is furrowed in concentration. Her hands ghosting over her mother's, trying to remember the steps.

The doctor cups each face in her hands, leaning down for a kiss.

"Be good for Uncle Frankie," she says. One more touch. A finger to each little nose. "No bad reports, my tinys…please.

But they are really not so tiny anymore. Maura watches them trudge out through the snow to their uncles car, waving good - bye as Frankie lifts them both into their boosters.

She turns away to the kitchen.

...

* * *

_"She's the best mother. She's the best mother there is. She takes her children to-to the museum and the library and-and the park and she lets them ride the Merry-go-Round as many times as they want._

_"She sneaks them books. She thinks I don't know, but she does. We tell them that they can read three books by themselves and then they have to turn the light off. And they pick the three books they want and we leave them alone, and I know that while I'm looking at the bookshelf, she sneaks more of them into their beds. Sometimes I even look too long. So I don't catch her at it. She's the best mom, Denis. She's their mommy. Are you going to take their mommy away because yours wasn't good enough? Do you want her little girls to grow feeling the way you did? Would you wish that on anyone?"_

* * *

_..._

Through the blue latex of the glove, Maura's hand squeezes the drug ravaged heart, turning it over, and then again, the way one might roll a stress ball in their palms. She's inspecting each and every part of it, and her fingers take pride in holding up this specimen so that she can see it well, twirling and spinning as she instructs, her sharp green eyes never leaving her target.

She is in her element. Doing what she does best.

She does not hear Denis' as he approaches her from behind, and when she turns and sees him, she cries out, the scalpel falling to the floor with a metallic ding.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he says. "I suppose that now I'm not on your table, I should come in the way normal people do."

His eyes flick around the room, landing twice on the body of the woman on the table.

"I'm sorry," Maura moves to cover her up, but Denis shakes his head.  
"It does not bother me." His words are controlled. Even and spaced.

With a little bit of difficulty it seems, Denis looks away from the cadaver back up at Maura. He gives himself a little mental shake.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Rockmond?"

A brilliant flash of pearly white teeth, "I came to ask you to dinner."

...

* * *

_"Why Maura, Denis? Why hurt Maura?" And Jane's voice almost breaks on her name. Almost gives her away as a wife and a mother and a woman. Terrified.  
Denis lunges forward, and Maura feels the edge of the knife press harder against her throat. Almost breaking the skin. "Because her healing hands brought me back into this world. Why couldn't she just let me be? Why couldn't she just let me go?"  
He takes one step backwards, and another, towards the elevator shaft, and the hand holding Jane's gun flips up, her finger off the trigger. She sets it down and shrugs, arms out. Submissive.  
Through her fog of panic, Maura watches the detective switch tact, her eyes glancing downwards, measuring the distance between them. The distance between Denis and the edge of the floor._

_"Maura's hands were going to be my greatest creation to date."_

_Jane cannot help but bristle. "Maura's hands do not belong to you." _

* * *

...

Two am and Maura finds Jane outside the girls room, watching them sleep.  
"Jane?" Maura snakes her arms around her wife, her hands measuring the tiny waist like they always do. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"  
Jane sighs, leaning back against her. "I wanted them to grow up in a world without Hoyt."  
Maura can't help but flinch at the name. "Hoyt's dead." She says firmly.  
"It doesn't feel like it. Not tonight."  
Maura sighs, and when she blinks she seems to see the Merry-go-round in her mind's eye. The Venus De Milo sliding in and out of view.  
"I know. But there's no way, Jane. He's gone."  
Jane rubs her hands. "He's not gone. He'll never be gone."  
Maura contemplates this. "He has no power anymore."  
Jane turns away from the bedroom, padding down the hall. But she doesn't stop at the bedroom, just continues down the stairs, and Maura hears her turn at the kitchen doorway.  
Sighing, she pulls the twins bedroom door shut and follows her wife.  
Jane has the case file open on the dining room table, and Maura shakes her head. "No. no way, Jane. You've been up for 24 hours straight. You need to sleep."  
Jane's shoulders sag a little. "Will there always be another bad guy out there Maur? Will there always be someone out there that wants to kill someone else?"  
Maura cannot lie. "Yes."  
Jane does not look surprised; she just nods, tightening her jaw. "Then help me. Please. For our children."  
Maura shakes her head, but turns the burner on under the tea kettle. "Okay...go over it again. What do we know about the dead women we have so far..."

_..._

* * *

_Maura closes her eyes, aware that tears are still leaking out from under her eyelids. Aware that she is making a moaning noise like a wounded animal, and aware too, that she cannot stop either of these things. _

_When she blinks, her life does not flash in front of her eyes. _

_She does not see moments from her childhood, or time with Jane, or her children growing up before her. _

_She sees nothing._

_Her eyes flutter open and there's her wife, talking, moving closer. _

_Denis tightens his grip around her neck and his breath is hot and fast in her ear. _

_Maura realizes that Jane is winding him up deliberately, trying to push him into action.. _

_She is done with trying to spare him. _

_Maura reaches out instinctively as Jane takes another step forward. She can't help it. Her hands itch for the woman in front of her. Her reason for everything. _

_But Denis jerks her back. _

_And the world starts to tip. _

* * *

_..._

Their talk is nice. light. He tells her he is an only child, and he paints his childhood for her like a mural, all pastel skies and calm serene oceans. She can see why he is a famous writer. His words are like butter.  
"Cape Cod!" she says, "Jane and I have been meaning to take the girls there."  
Denis pauses, and Maura watches his face...do something. "You have children." It is not a question, but more a realization. As though something has clicked into place.

Maura's face lights up. Ah! Her hands perk up at the subject. Here, finally, is something exciting to do besides smooth her dress down nervously. They scramble for her iphone.  
"Yes! Twins. Here, I have...a million pictures."  
Perhaps it is the night, and the fact that they are walking along the sidewalk in a part of the city where you can look up and actually see stars. Perhaps it is the wine she consumed at dinner. Whatever the reason is, Maura does not notice Denis' face again; Does not notice the way it hardens as she pulls up a picture of her girls on the cell phone, pulling silly faces at the camera.  
"You're a doctor," he says, as Maura's fingers flick at the screen excitedly, pausing to caress a photo of Isabelle.  
"-And that's Isabelle, my little golden girl," Maura says fondly, "hmm? Yes. Well. The Cheif Medical Examiner. That's not quite the same as a doctor with patients."  
"Your job is quite demanding."

Maura frowns slightly, but does not look away from her phone and into his face, "Fairly. Yes. But we make it work," she finally slips the phone away, beaming up at him.  
Her smile slips a bit at Denis' expression, but he fixes his features hastily.  
"I'm sorry," She apologizes, mistaking his look for boredom. "I get carried away just talking about them."  
Denis smiles a dazzling smile that might actually twinkle in the glow from the streetlights.  
"They're beautiful," he says quietly, almost sadly, "it's completely understandable."

...

When he asks her to come see his sculpture, to give her opinion on what he says will be his greatest work of all, how can she say no.

He offers his arm and she takes it, failing to notice the way his eyes linger on her hands, or the way he reaches out and squeezes her fingers, saying,  
"Tonight is going to be so special."

* * *

_Maura is falling _

_In the movies when the villain has the object of the hero's desire, he always throws her off a building, or ties her to the railroad tracks, or drops her down an elevator shaft. _

_In the movies she flails and falls, and reaches up above her, calling out for her lover to save her. _

_Maura does not cry as she feels herself thrown backwards. _

_She does not reach out. _

_She closes her eyes, feeling the lurch in her stomach as her heels find nothing beneath them. _

_The blank, all-consuming fear she'd felt seconds prior is gone. _

_She is not afraid anymore. This is nothing more than an action movie. _

_And Jane is going to save her. _

_FROST!_

_Jane's voice rings around the room as Maura and Denis fall backwards, and If Maura's eyes were open, she would see them both sprinting towards her, see Jane's face open with terror, and Frost's mouth set in the round o of his protest as he reaches for the back of Jane's vest. _

_But she doesn't. _

_She feels herself become weightless, feels the knife in Denis' hand nicking a spot under her ear as he spreads his arms wide, as if embracing the fall and the death that will surely come at the end of it. _

_And Then.  
Right when she begins to think that Jane cannot save her this time…_

_She feels the detective's arm close around her middle, stopping her fall jerkily. _

_Maura knows she is hanging suspended above a hundred foot drop, but cannot figure out how this can be. _

_She opens her eyes and screams. _

_Denis is still falling beneath her, away from her. And she is hanging over nothing, Jane's arm around her waist, trembling with the strain. _

_"I've got you. I've got you, Maura. Hang on, honey." _

_Her first foolish thought is that Jane can fly. _

_But no. Jane's long body is bent out, over the empty space, one hand stretched behind her, holding tight to the metal handle of the elevator door, the other wrapped tightly around Maura's middle. _

_With nothing but the muscles in her bicep and forearm, Jane pulls Maura back. Pulls her close, and Maura, spinning and crying, attaches herself to her wife, sobbing into her shoulder as Frost and Korsak pull them both back from the edge. _

_They crumple to the floor, and Maura lets Jane wrap her in her arms like a child. Shushing her as she gasps for air between her tears. Her hands find Jane's waist, and, not caring who is there to see, pulls her shirt un-tucked and slips her hands underneath, against her skin, feeling it smooth and warm, her fingers contracting greatfully. She lets it ground her: Jane's voice in her ear, her arms tight, her heart racing against Maura's._

_Maura is so exhausted she could sleep. She could almost drift off right there. _

_The detecitve's hand finds hers and she links them together, looking into Maura's eyes and saying something that Maura can't catch. Her hearing is not working properly. But it doesn't matter. As soon as their fingers intertwine, the Doctor knows. She leans forward and rests her head on Jane's shoulder, not letting go. _

_Because Maura's hands are nothing without Jane's. _

* * *

**Holy Moly. I learned something about myself while spending 15 hours writing this abomination: I do not like hurting Maura. Apparently I have no problem putting Jane in danger, but Maura? My brain is like ABORT.**

**The good news for you? **

**The next chapter where she's recovering is actually already written, and I will put it up as soon as I SLEEEP. **

**happy reading. **

**tc. **


	15. Chapter 15

Jane falls back against the pillows, breathing hard, a muscle in her thigh spasming unpleasantly.

Maura follows her, straddling her hips, kissing along her jaw.  
"Again." she whispers, rocking against her wife.

"Maur," Jane pants. "I don't think I can-"

Maura silences her with a kiss, pressing her lips to Jane's hard. "You're tired? Already?"

Jane frowns. "_Already? _Maura, we've been going for two hours." She wipes her arm across her forehead. "I'm exhausted, honey." She says looking up at her wife.

Maura rolls over her, and stands up, reaching for her nightshirt.

Jane sits up, covering herself too. "What are you doing?"  
"I'm going to do some more research in the study."

Jane stands too, trying to get her sweats over one foot. "Wait, Maura, don't go."

Maura stops at the door but doesn't turn around, not even when jane lays her hand on her shoulder.  
"Don't go." Jane says again.

It's been three weeks since Denis.

At first Jane had been pleasantly surprised at how well Maura seemed to be coping with the trauma.

But then the dreams had started.  
And Maura started staying up later and later "doing research" in the study downstairs.

But the sex thing is recent.

They are having so much of it that Jane had actually found herself limping at work, Frost asking her what was wrong.

"Why, you want to go again?" She spins and looks up into Jane's face, her smile seductive, but her eyes a little lifeless.

"No, I want to hold you, and fall asleep with you. Like we used to before-" But Maura pulls away, her face falling into one of stony disinterest.

"I'll be back to bed soon, Jane," she says, and Jane watches her head down the stairs.

"What am I supposed to do Maura?" Jane's voice is almost a yell.

Maura stops on the top stair and looks back at her wife, her dark brow furrowed and her hands knotted together.

"Maura, talk to me. Please. Just...What can I do...How can I"  
"I'm fine, Jane," Maura says in the voice that she uses when speaking to the criminalists in her lab.

"You're not _fine!_" Jane yells, moving towards Maura. "Can't you just let me-"

"Mama?"

the little voice stops her dead. She turns back towards the hall in time to see the twins door open, two sets of sleepy eyes looking out into the hall.

Jane turns back to the stairs to look at Maura.

But she has disappeared.

...

* * *

...

"Sofia Emilie, you hold your uncle's hand."

"Mama. We're goin' to the the buttahfly garden, arn't we?" Sofia wraps both her hands around Tommy's and jumps, swinging back and forth. Tommy chuckles.

"Yes," Jane says, glancing down at Isabelle, whose hand is tucked securely in hers. She looks up at Jane and smiles nervously. Just like Maura, Isabelle does not like crowds, and although she loves the Science museum and the butterfly garden as much as her sister, Jane can tell that all these people are making her nervous.

"Come here, babygirl," She says quietly, lifting Isabelle onto her hip.  
"Mommy says big girls walk," Isabelle says, but she relaxes against Jane and smiles.

"We won't tell Mommy," Jane whispers into her hair, and she smiles over the little girl's head at Tommy.

He smiles back.

The museum is crowded, and Jane is glad to have her brother there with her to navigate the crowds.

Sofia wants to stop everywhere and touch everything, and she doesn't care whether or not her mother or uncle is there next to her.

After she disappears from his side for the third time, Tommy grabs her and sets her down on his shoulders. She grips his head with her hands, chirping with glee.

The butterfly garden located in the museum only lets a certain number of people in, and so when their time slot comes, both adults let the girls down to wander as they please in the confined area.

Tommy glances sideways at his sister, the circles under her eyes and the way she rubs at the back of her neck.

"So..." he begins, "how is Maura?"

Jane sighs, looking up at the cloud of butterflies floating through the air.

"I don't know," she says.

Tommy raises an eyebrow.

Jane shrugs. "Let's just hope she's saying more to her therapist than she is to me."

Tommy dodges a butterfly like it's a bullet, and Jane laughs.

Isabelle who has circled back to hold her mother's hand giggles too. "You scared unc?" she asks, swinging her mother's hand.

"They're just bugs with wings," he says, freezing as one lands on him.

Sofia strolls up and watches her uncle with amused eyes as he tries to shimmy the butterfly off of his shoulder.

"Insects arn't scary, uncle t," Sofia says calmly, and she reaches out her finger, lifting the butterfly off of him carefully. "Mommy says that everything has a place. You just hafta slow down enough to figure out whut." She reaches out her hand to Isabelle, who looks up for a nod from Jane before taking her sister's hand and letting herself be led away.

Tommy watches them go with an odd expression on his face.

Jane puts her hand on his shoulder. "Brother?"

He shakes himself, smiling at her.

"How are the twins?"

"Good. She's wonderful with them. like always. It's me she can't seem to stand."  
"Uncle Tommy come seek us!" Isabelle calls and Jane smiles, gesturing that he should obey.

"It hasn't been long though, right?" He says, starting to turn away. "She'll come around, right?"  
Jane nods and Tommy heads off, his face turning mischievous.

"Where's my girls?" he calls.

Jane chuckles, despite herself. .

...

* * *

...

Maura checks herself in the mirror. She leans forward to fix a spot of eye liner under her eye, and a dark shape catches her eye. She feels her breathing constrict and her heart speed up.

"Jane?"  
It's not Jane. She knows it's not Jane, because her wife took the girls to the Museum fifteen minutes ago.

She looks down at the sink, trying to get control of herself. Maybe the intruder hasn't seen her. Maybe they just want money or electronics.

"There's five hundred dollars in the top drawer," Maura says.

She chances a look up in the mirror again, but the intruder hasn't moved.  
Maura feels tears in her eyes. She wants Jane. Where is Jane? Why did she leave her here alone. Why didn't she lock the front door? Anyone could just walk in...Could just walk in off the street and kill her or cut her or...  
She closes her eyes, but all she can see is Denis falling away from her, his eyes closed, arms out.

"_GO AWAY._"

Maura spins, and throws herself at the intruder, realizing too late that it is her peacoat that she hung over the door not more than ten minutes ago.

She hits the door hard, grabbing her peacoat and sinking to the floor, sobbing.

_Jane_. She thinks. _Jane Jane Jane Jane, _Until she hates herself. Until she feels weak and empty.

She stands up and shrugs the coat over her shoulders, turning back to the mirror to fix her mascara.

There is nothing to her.  
She is not her own anymore.

She does not want to go to therapy.

...

So she goes to Newbury Street and spends an obscene amount of money.

...

* * *

It's Maura. Jane can hardly believe her eyes. Maura is ordering a latte at her favorite coffee place, three bags from three different boutiques over her arms. She doesn't see them, and the woman who hands her her drink says something that makes her laugh.

Really laugh.

They have both children strapped into the car. Both Jane and Tommy stand next to the car...staring.

Jane feels Tommy tense next to her, and she puts her hand on his arm.

"Children," Jane says cryptically, looking him in the eye.

His hands curl into fists as he watches Maura smile at the cashier, responding.

"She's..."

"Flirting," Jane says quietly, "Yes. I can see as well as you can. But there is a child behind you, _your neice_, who does not see what we see, and will not understand your reaction." Jane speaks slowly and clearly, trying to get past the mask of anger in her brother's eyes.

"_Tommy._" she hisses, and with some difficulty, he pulls his eyes away from the scene in the window to look at Jane in awe.

"How are you..."

Jane grips his arm, her smile is grim, "When you have children." says, turning back to the car quickly enough that she doesn't see her brother's face.

Like he wants to say something. But that now is not the time.

...

* * *

...

"No." Jane blocks the door, barring Maura's way. "No, not again. Maura. Please." Her voice is soft tonight, pleading.

"I'm just going to go-"

"Hide. You're hiding. From me. And I don't understand why."

"I'm not hiding from you, Ja-"

"I saw you today at Brookline Coffee."

Maura freezes, "You were following me?"  
Jane's face colors. "_Yes, _Maura. I pretended to take the girls to the museum, but really I followed you to Brookline to watch you flirt with a coffee girl."

Maura shakes her head. "Flirt with...what are you talking about? I didn't flirt with anyone."

"You _touched_ hands!"

Maura throws her hands up. "What to do you care, anyway? All you want to do is-is trap me and keep me here and-and-fuck me."

Jane's eyes are wide, and Maura watches her struggle with hurt and anger, finally settling on the latter. She rolls her shoulders, trying to stay calm.

"You want to tell me what that means?" she asks, and her voice is dangerous. "Because the last time I checked, you were the one who didn't want to leave the house with me. You were the one who is only interested in orgasming as many times as possible."

"_YOU LET ME!" _

Jane slams her hand down on the dresser, "It's not like you weren't being just a little forceful, Maur, _And it's the only time you ever touch me." _Jane runs her hand through her hair, reaching out, "Maura. Talk to me. You're not going to therapy. You're not talking to me, or to anyone. But you're not okay."

"I'm oka-"  
"You're not okay!"

Maura turns away, "Jane. I don't want to do this right now."

"Well you don't have a choice."

"I don't know who I am without you." The words are out of her mouth before she can stop them.

Jane is caught off guard. this is not what she was expecting.

"What?"

"I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there. You came, and you saved me and...If you hadn't..."  
"But I did."

"Is that who I am? This person that needs you and can't function without you and has to wait for you to save me, and can't figure out when the person they've had dinner with is a _serial killer?" _

"Maura...you couldn't have seen-"  
"I should have seen it."

"You couldn't have seen it."  
Maura backs up away from her. "I don't know who I am without you. I don't know how to function without you and I have to..I have to be strong."

Jane holds out her hands. "why? I'm right here!"

"What if one day you _aren't?" _

Maura starts to cry, but she holds out her hand, keeping Jane away from her.

Jane stands watching her wife shake with her sobs.  
Then she moves forward, reaching out and taking Maura's hand.

She pulls at her ring finger, sliding the platinum band off it after a second, then sliding hers off as well.

"_Jane!" _Maura has not had that ring off in five years.

But Jane turns and strides away from her, out of the room and down the stairs.

Maura follows her, "_Jane!"_ She hisses. "Give me that. I need that."

But Jane moves into the living room. stopping in front of the picture window. She turns to Maura.

"I thought I was different, when I was a kid. You came into my life and you changed it completely in such a short amount of time, and then you just disappeared. And I thought I was weird and wrong, because I would watch all these other kids fall in love and out of love and right back in…and I couldn't understand why I couldn't do that. Why I couldn't just….I always felt so unlucky."

Maura feels new tears. She would recognize those words anywhere.

"And I am different. Because I have you. And I'm lucky. I'm _so_ lucky, Maura."

She holds out her hand, and Maura steps forward, joining her in front of the window.

"I love you Maura. When I married you I promised that I would always be there for you. When we had Sofia and Isabelle I swore I'd always be there for them. I can't function without you." She looks into Maura's eyes. "And I don't want to."

Maura catches her breath as Jane takes her hand, sliding her ring back up over her finger. "When I looked into your eyes down there by that fountain. I knew that from that moment on I didn't want to look anywhere else...Ever. And you can say I was fifteen and young and I didn't know. But I did."

Jane hands Maura her ring, bending to kiss her on cheek. "I will always be there for you. I will never let you fall. I. cannot. be me. without you." Jane closes Maura's hand over her ring. "I don't want it any other way. When you feel the same...give this back."

"Jane."

"Maura. When you feel the same, when you want me to be there and hold you and take care of you, the way you do for me. When you realize that's a strength and not a weakness."  
She turns and walks away.

She gets as far as the hallway when Maura starts to speak.

"I loved you the moment I saw you, Jane.

I loved you the moment I looked up and saw you and you smiled at me with those eyes.

And you speak about being lucky, but I'm the lucky one. Because without you. I am not me. I've never known anyone to understand me, to love me, to need me and let herself be needed so completely as you do."

Jane turns and looks at her, her eyes wet.

"I was so scared." She says quietly. "I was so scared."

Jane crosses the living room and takes Maura in her arms, pulling her close. "I was scared too."

they hold onto each other hard. Until Maura pulls back and slips Jane's ring onto her finger.

"I love you, pretty girl."

"Maura."  
"Yes, baby."  
"No more coffee from that place."

* * *

**Aw. She's gonna get better you guys. :) **

**BNH! Thank you so much. bvscagle, hope, sockslost, sashaelizabeth, noblegraces, cstarj, rizzyandizzy. Thank you guys so much! Jobee, davislp, thank you for your kind words. I might put up a one shot for an alternate version of Melt my heart. I was never fully happy with this one. **

**Islandlover s8105 welcome! Thank you!**

**AE as always, you are amazing. **

**happy reading guys!**

**tc**


	16. Chapter 16

The shooting range is nearly empty. Frost holds the door open and Maura steps through nervously.

Although Jane makes it a habit to come often, this is the first time Maura has been here.

"You don't have to shoot, if you don't want to," Frost says, coming up beside her, offering his arm.  
"I want to. She says quickly. "That's why I came."

Frost had dropped by that morning to leave some files for Jane to review. She'd been showering when Frost showed up.

"Okay. Just tell her that's all we could get on the DePaulo thing. I'm at the shooting range for the next hour or so so I won't hear my phone if it goes."

Maura had spoken before the idea had really had a chance to take root.  
"I want to come with you," she'd said, already reaching for a piece of paper and pen.

Frost had looked at her blankly, "to the range?"

Maura nodded, finishing the note and securing it to the refridgerator a couple inches above her own eye level, where Jane would be sure to see it.  
"Yes," She'd turned to Frost, a look of determination on her face. "Teach me to shoot."

…

The gun is heavier than she anticipated, and it feels dangerous and big in her hands. The cold metal does not warm with her body heat and she swings it up to point at the target, arms already tired.

"Okay," Frost says, coming up next to her, "It's going to kick back at you when you pull the trigger. Hold it tight. Don't drop it."  
Maura looks at him as he secures his ear covers into place and secures his safety glasses. "That's it? Hold tight and don't drop it?"

Frost grins, pointing at the black and white target down the long chamber. It's shaped like a man.  
"Aim at that guy. He's the villain."

Maura turns, her brain already calculating the trajectory of the bullet based on the speed with which it-"

"Uh, Doctor?" Frost is back by her.

She lowers the gun, "You should _not_ base your shot on math or science," he says, smirking at her.

She tries to glower, but ends up chuckling. "okay," she takes a deep breath. "okay."

She aims at the target, and before she can think about anything, pulls the trigger.

Onetwothreefourfivesix but then her arms are sore and the last bullet might have hit the ceiling, so she stops. She stands, her chest heaving, adrenaline coursing through her, trying to stop her shaking hands. She turns to look at Barry, who is laughing so hard that he's bent in half.

"Hey!" she says, irritated, but he shakes his head, coming up to her and taking the gun from her, unloading it, still chuckling.  
"I'm just thinking you look like Frankie did before he found the right space."

Maura knows that phrase. She knows what "space" is. She's heard both Jane and Barry say it before. _I can't find my space today. _

_If we're going in there you've gotta be in the right space. _But she's never asked them what they mean, let alone asked them what their spaces are.

She turns back to the target, thinking. "How do I find it?" There is something in her that wants to do this. That wants to be able to shoot well.

"You have to pick something that grounds you, makes you breathe easy," Frost says,  
"Most guys start out trying to pick something that winds them up, but that's a rookie move."

Maura looks at him seriously, "I don't want to be a rookie."

Frost smiles, "You want something that settles you. Fills you with…" Frost waves his hands around, trying to find the right words, but Maura thinks she understands.

She turns back to the target, picturing Jane holding a twin in each arm, swaying back and forth in front of their cribs.

But that makes her feel weepy, not strong.

Isabelle and Sofia in their highchairs with their first piece of birthday cake, eyes wide as the first real dose of sugar hits them.

No, it's one of her favorites, but still not good enough.

She bites her lip. Thinking hard.

"It's not a memory," The voice is close behind her and Maura jumps, happy the gun in her hand is empty. She spins to see Jane, dressed lazily in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, her long hair pulled into a bun. But she has her belt on, firearm attached to her side.

"Jane! What are you doing here?"

"You left me a note," Jane says, "And for future reference? 'Gone shooting with Frost' only makes sense when I write it. I swear I spent like twenty minutes just staring. Trying to figure out what you meant."

"Where are the girls?" Maura asks.

Jane rolls her shoulders, "at the house with Ma and Tommy," She says, and Maura can tell she's not completely satisfied with her babysitting selection. "I told them I'd only be an hour or two. You know, unless you'd been kidnapped and 'shooting with Frost' was some kind of code for how to find you."

Maura chuckles, "No. I meant it. I wanted to see what it was like."

Jane nods, "I saw you when I came in. Is this part of the new you? The face your fears thing? Because shooting is sort of…my thing."

Maura rolls her eyes, "No. I wanted to see what it was like. You go out there every day Jane, and you…I've never really even held one."

"I could tell," Jane says, turning to Barry. "She looked just like-"

"Frankie!" Frost says, and they laugh together. Jane turns back to Maura, still chuckling, "You're looking for your space now? It's not a memory, is what I was saying before. It's a feeling."

Maura frowns, "In order to elicit strong feelings it is often necessary to access a mem-"

Jane rolls her eyes, "No, Dr. logic, I mean, you can't focus on a memory for your space. It has to just be the feeling. You could shuffle through a hundred memories and not get the shot off, and be dead before you know it. It has to be the _feeling_ that pushes you into action."

Maura looks at Jane.

"What's your space?" She asks, but Jane shakes her head, glancing at Frost.

"You never tell your partner your space." She says as Frost nods emphatically.  
"Yeah," He says. "I don't know hers and she doesn't know mine."

"Well that seems counterproductive to team building and the facilitation of-"

"Doc," Frost says smiling, "All I need to know is that Jane has it. That she's got my back when we kick in a door or take on a hostage situation. If I know _what _makes her act then I can guess when she will or won't, and that's not good."

Jane takes the gun from Maura, turning away to load it, and Frost presses the button for a new target.

"Here," She says, slipping the gun in Maura's hands but not pulling away. Her long arms wrap around Maura and Jane's finger slips around the trigger over Maura's.

She feels Jane take one deep breath, and squeeze.

One. Two. Three. Four. Even and measured, all of them in the heart of the target.

Maura is awed and fascinated and…attracted to this tall dark woman wrapped around her.

"I really want to know what you think," she whispers, "when you do that."

Jane laughs and her breath is warm against Maura's cheek.

"I don't think. I feel. Close your eyes. Try to feel it. We're going again."

...

* * *

"Thanks for watching the kids,Tommy. Ma. They were good?" Jane sets her keys down on the counter and bends down to ruffle Jo Friday's fur.

"Isabelle wanted a snack, so I gave her some goldfish. She tried to talk Tommy into candy. Almost had him too, when I walked in."

Tommy shrugs grinning and Maura smiles reaching out automatically to ghost her hand along the back of Jane's shoulders as the taller woman straightens up. Angela and Jane have not really spoken since Thanksgiving, their relationship resembling Maura and Constance's more and more these days.  
"She's becoming quite the little debater," Maura says, more to fill the silence than anything else. Angela is looking at Jane hopefully, as though she thinks that maybe today they will talk about the elephant in the room.

Jane is deliberately not looking at her mother, and after a moment, she crosses to the refrigerator, grabs a bottle of water and heads towards the living room.  
"Yeah. Thanks again," She says vaguely, and Maura watches her retreat around the corner, hearing the TV click on.

Angela's shoulders droop a little. "Is she ever going to forgive me?"

Maura considers the woman in front of her.  
"You put her children in danger," Tommy says from his seat at the dining room table, "Her _kids_ Ma. She almost shot me when she though I hurt Isabelle."

Maura doesn't add anything to Tommy's point. He's made it quite well.

Angela looks at Maura with wide eyes, "Do _you _forgive me, Maura? She asks "You understand why I did it, don't you? Why I had to? He's their grandfather."

Maura shakes her head, slowly, trying to figure out her feelings. "He abused her," She says after a moment. It's what she keeps coming back to. The tiny scar still visible when she pushes Jane's hair back from her forehead.

The sound of pattering feet above them is heard and then the sound of feet on the stairs.

"Railing!" Jane calls from the living room, and a moment later Sofia appears in the kitchen. She hugs Maura around the middle.

Angela is still speaking. "He doesn't deserve to be in jail He would never have hurt Sofia…or Isabelle. He's their grandfather"  
"What about my Grampa?" Sofia asks, looking up, and Maura shoots Angela a look.

Angela hesitates and then says, "He wants to meet you, lucky girl,"

"No!" Tommy and Maura speak at the same time, and they are echoed by Jane, who has appeared from around the kitchen with Isabelle.

"Ma, are you crazy?" It's Tommy that speaks first. "These are her _kids_. Pop hurt her all the time. Even when he wasn't putting his hands on her he would make her cry. There was this one time-"  
"_T_," Jane hisses, hoisting Isabelle up onto her hip. The little girl's lip is quivering.

"Mama, you hurt?"

"No," Jane says firmly. "I'm fine. Tommy's talking about things from the past. I'm fine, baby."

Sofia reaches up and loops a finger through the belt loop of Maura's jeans. She's nervous but she's taken Maura's words about big girls to heart. She no longer asks to be picked up.

"I'm just saying when I have a kid. Pop's getting nowhere near him."

"_When?" _Jane says, turning to look at her brother, distracted.

He goes a little red. "If…I mean…Yeah…when." Maura watches Angela's face as her son looks to her eldest daughter for approval. Not to her.

Jane smiles, "I think you'd make a good dad, Tommy," She says, and Tommy's whole face changes. He looks years younger.

"Angela," Maura says, but Angela puts her hand up. Turning away to the door. Neither Jane nor Tommy tries to stop her, but Tommy turns and puts his hand on Jane's shoulder briefly before following after her.

"Bye Nona! Bye Unk!" Isabelle calls after them, and Tommy turns and blows a kisses at both girls, who reach out to catch them.

As the door shuts behind them, Isabelle struggles down and reaches for Sofia's hand.

"We're making a castle upstairs Mommy! Come be the queen!"

Maura smiles and nods, "I'll be up in a second."

They thunder away and she turns to Jane, who gives her a look that is half defiant half apologetic. "You have to talk to her honey," Maura says, reaching out. "She doesn't understand."

Jane pulls on a finger, "exactly. She doesn't understand. But she was _there_."

Maura wraps her arms around Jane's waist. "Do you want me to tell you about the psyche of parents who passively watch their children suffer?"

Jane shakes her head.  
"Do you want me to explain the brain chemistry you have because you are the oldest and bore the brunt of the abuse?"

Another head shake

Maura smiles, "Do you want to put on Ray LaMontagne, sit with me while I get dinner ready, and pretend that you're not going to call her ever when you will probably call her tomorrow?"

Jane nods, pressing her lips to Maura's temple, and the doctor chuckles.

"Okay," she says, "Just let me go be a queen for ten minutes or so. Will you start the water?"

Jane nods and pulls away, and Maura watches her move around the kitchen for a moment before heading up the stairs to the twin's room.

...

* * *

"Mama?" Isabelle climbs up onto the sofa beside Jane. Sofia, drawing on the floor looks up at her sister's tone.

"Jane and Maura are side by side on the couch, Jane with a case file open on her lap, but playing Angry Birds on her phone, Maura reading the latest issue of Psychology today.

"Yes, baby," Jane says distractedly with a violent swipe at the phone's screen.

"Is Grampa a bad guy?"

Both Maura and Jane look up at their daughter, who looks back at them with wide ocean eyes, her face nervous.

"Yes, he is," says Sofia from the floor. "He makes Mama cry."

Maura closes her book and reaches for the folder on Jane's lap, snapping it shut too. "Come here, Fia," she says putting the things aside. Sofia flops onto the couch, allowing Maura to pull her into her lap and kiss her head.

"No, she says with a glance at Jane, "your grandfather is not a bad guy."  
"He makes Mama cry," Isabelle says. Now that Sofia has said this, Isabelle takes it as truth, and she reaches out and takes Jane's hand, her tiny fingers playing with the scar on the inside of her palm, "He hurt her hands."

Neither woman is sure where this connection has come from, but Jane is the first one to regain speech, shaking her head vigorously.

"No. No, Bella, My dad didn't hurt my hands. A bad guy did, a long, long time ago."

"But you got him," Sofia says "And you got Grampa too."

Ah. Maura sees Jane understand too. Both girls had been there when the police car had pulled up and loaded Frank Sr. into the back of it. They both understand that this is what happens to the people that Jane arrests. That this only happens to bad guys.

Bad guys like Hoyt.

Maura opens her mouth and shuts it again, unsure. Frank _is_ a bad man. He is abusive, homophobic and possibly an alcoholic. But he is not Hoyt.

Jane takes a breath, "Not everyone is good all the time or bad all the time, nuggets," She says, and they turn to look at her, heads tilted a little. "Everybody has good parts and bad parts inside, and most people, like Mommy and Uncle Frankie and," Jane glances at Maura, "Gramma, they have lots and lots of good. And they are good people. But some people have too much bad. And they can't control it. Do you understand?"

They both nod, even though they are clearly still trying to comprehend.

"Grampa is has good in him too," Jane says after a moment. "But sometimes he does bad things."

Isabelle climbs into Jane's lap, her fingers moving idly between Jane's.

"How you can tell, Mama? Who is bad and who's most good?"

Jane hesitates for a moment before pulling Isabelle away from her enough to tap two fingers to her chest, where her heart is.

"You can tell in here," she says quietly.

The girls both contemplate this for a moment, and then they lean forwards towards each other simultaneously, communicating in the way that only twins can. They reach out and place their hands on each other's chests, heads cocked like they're listening.

"You's most good, Fee," Isabelle says after a moment. Maura puts her hand up to her mouth, masking a little gasp. Her eyes flick up to Jane, who is looking at the girls, astounded.

Sofia nods, "You too Belle," she says.  
And then, like they've planned and choreographed it, they scramble past each other, switching laps so that Isabelle is looking up at Maura, Sofia with Jane.

Isabelle's hand presses to Maura's chest, feeling for a heartbeat. Jane watches even as she feels Sofia's hand touch the skin above her tank top.

"Yous most good, Mommy!" Isabelle says happily, and Maura pulls her close, kissing her.

"Thank you, darling," She whispers.

Jane looks down at Sofia, who hasn't said anything yet. Sofia's hand presses harder against her heart, and Jane feels a wave of panic wash over her. She looks up at Maura, but she and Isabelle are looking at Sofia intently, waiting.

For a moment there is complete silence, not even the sound of Bass sliding along the tiles in the kitchen.

"You are a good one, Mama," Sofia says after a moment, looking up into Jane's worry creased face. "The goodest."

"Yeah?" Jane pulls her daughter close. "How can you tell?" A serious question, masked with a smile and a kiss.

Sofia hugs her mother back, giggling.

"Your heart told me so."

* * *

**You wonderful, crazy, ridiculous f*ckers! I can't believe I have 400 reviews already and I'm not half done. I cannot begin to thank you enough. Especially ya'll who were with me from the very very beginnning. To answer some questions:**

**I imagine that yes, Denis would still have given Maura that heinous hand, but I couldn't write it, because even thinking about that scene when jane smashes the hand makes me almost vomit.**

**and yes. she would have gone to dinner to say thank you. Nah Jane doesn't care. She knows who maura loves ;)**

**Pious, I do not have any idea what beta is…I will try to make it more clear who is speaking though.**

**To the few people who PMd me about one shots. They are rough. Snippets of things I cut out of this. When I have time (haha! Never…) I will clean them and post them.**

**As for a trilogy? My brain never sleeps. I would consider a third part…mebbe. I've already written like a ton about the girls as teenagers.**

**What do you people think about me putting in a completely made up case?**

**How would you feel if Frank were to…no longer exist? Lol. (but seriously...would it be the worst thing? those of you waiting for a reconciliation with him? not likely)**

**Thank you ALL SO MUCH. for your reviews. Please feel free to keep them coming, everywhere. Pm/in the little box below! I love them all. And I respond to all my PMs. I'm like 15 behind, but I'm catching up fast.**

**Enough of my rambling!**

**Happy Reading!**

**tc**


	17. Chapter 17

**Trigger warning for abuse.  
May be upsetting to some. Proceed with caution.**

**...**

* * *

Maura rubs Jane's back with one hand, the other on her knee, not saying anything, waiting for her wife to find her words. Jane opens her mouth, taking a breath, but when she looks up at her mother, sitting across from her in the armchair, she seems to lose her nerve.

She lets her breath out in one big rush that seems to deflate her, looking back down at her hands. Maura feels her chest start to ache.

"Jane," she begins, but Jane shakes her head, looking up, trying again.

"Pop gets released tomorrow, Ma," Jane says quietly. "He's posting his own bail."

the sigh Angela lets go is one of relief, and Maura tightens her grip on Jane's knee as she feels her tense.

"That's good. He's too old to be in Jail, Janie, honestly."

Jane pauses for a moment, and then continues, obviously deciding not to go down that road. "I need to know, Ma, that you won't try to bring Sofia to him. Or set up a meeting in any way."  
Angela hesitates, "I...he's your father, Jane."

"And we're Sofia's parents," Jane says, and there's tremor in her voice that Maura recognizes as anger. She presses at Jane's back, willing her to keep calm. "We're saying no, Ma. Can you respect that?"

Angela sits for a moment, looking between Maura and Jane. Neither woman wavers. She puts her hands out, pleading.  
"I just don't understand," she says finally. "I know you and your father never saw eye to eye..." she wavers a little as Jane sucks in a breath, but continues, "And there were times he may have gone a little too far, but he would never-" But Jane is standing, her tall frame shaking with anger. Maura stands reaching for her.

"No." Jane says, and her voice is like ice. "No. No. I'm not doing this. I'm not going back there," she turns towards the door.  
"Jane," Maura says, and Jane turns around, looking at her mother.

"How can you...I don't..." She looks at Maura, "I can't Maur, I can't go back there." and with a shake of her head she turns and disappears down the hall. Maura and Angela hear the front door slam.

Maura turns back to Angela, whose face is pale.

In the next room, the tea kettle whistles, and putting a finger up, motioning for Angela to stay where she is, Maura heads towards the kitchen.

...

* * *

...

"Tommy?" Jane approaches her youngest brother as he nearly jumps out of his skin.

"Jane, Jesus. You scared the shi-" He looks around for the girls.

"They're not here. They're with Frankie for the afternoon," Jane looks at Tommy with raised eyebrows. "What are you doing here?"

Tommy shifts nervously from foot to foot. "I'm-uh-looking for-uh...something for the girls."

Jane's eyebrows move higher up her forehead. "Is that why you've been staring at that crib for the past 10 minutes?"

Tommy's face goes red. "You following me?"

"No. I just...I needed to get out of the house." Jane runs her fingers through her hair. "I tried to talk to Ma about Pop and..." she shakes herself, pointing at her brother. "Don't change the subject. Why are you looking at baby things, Tommy?"

Tommy looks down and then back up at his sister, and Jane can read the answer in his face.

She feels her knees get a little weak. "Oh, God, no."

"Jane,"

Jane holds out her hands, "A baby? Tommy. did you...did you get someone..."  
Tommy looks a little green. He nods.

Jane manages to stumble to a glider and sink into it. She looks up at her brother, who as followed her and is looking down at her, waiting.

"When?"

"About three months ago."

Jane rubs her hands over her face. "Does Ma know?"

Tommy looks even paler. "NO! No one knows except you, Jane...well and Lydia. That's her name, Lydia."

"She's...your girlfriend?" Jane asks hopefully, already knowing the answer.

If possible, Tommy looks even more sheepish. Jane puts up her hand. "_Tommy_" her tone is not angry, or admonishing. It is...panicky.

Tommy looks like he's going to be sick. He sinks onto the foot rest of the glider beside her. "I know," he says and he looks like a little boy caught in wrong doing.

This does not help Jane's feeling of panic. She tries to wrap her mind around this new discovery. "Okay. Okay. So you had a..." She closes her eyes, "one night stand."

"It was more than that...Sort of." Tommy says vaguely, and Jane flaps her hands.

"Please do not explain it to me. I do not want to know at all." She sighs. "Okay. So you had a 'sort of more than one night stand.' and this woman-what was it? Lydia?"

Tommy nods.  
"Lydia is pregnant? Are you sure it's yours."

Tommy shrugs, "She says it is."

"She could be lying."

Tommy looks at her like this has not occurred to her. "She says it is. Why would she lie about that?"

Jane stares at him. "Um. Child support? To trap you into a relationship with her? So that her bastard child can have a father? I can think of a million reasons, T! Have you even considered that she might have been sleeping with other people?"

Tommy looks down at his hands, and Jane can tell that she's hurt his feelings. She feels both angry at her brother for not finding out the answers, and proud that he's in a baby store looking at cribs. Something occurs to her.

"Tommy. Do you want it to be yours?"

Tommy face changes a little bit. He looks less crestfallen and a little...bashful. "I don't know," he says earnestly, looking up at her, "Would it really be so bad? I might not be so bad at it. I'm good with the girls."  
Jane smiles despite herself. "Yeah, bro, you are. You really are, but they don't come out that way. You missed the first three years of the their lives." Tommy winces at this, perhaps taking it as criticism, and Jane reaches out to put her hand on her brother's shoulder and when he looks at her, she smiles, "Hey. You got better for them. You waited until you trusted yourself. That's the best thing you could have done."

Tommy smiles weakly and Jane continues. "I'm just saying that babies are completely different than toddlers. When the twins were infants, it wasn't like living with babies so much as fragile little foreigners who were very, _very _angry a good portion of the time."

Tommy laughs, and Jane squeezes his shoulder. "You are a great man, Tommy, For wanting to step up and be there for this kid. I just think you're jumping the gun a little bit."

Tommy sighs, and he rubs the back of his neck.

"When I first heard I was terrified, you know? I mean. I've barely got this job. I'm still living in your apartment..." He trails off, and his face seems to cloud, "I've got a record and a drinking problem."

"_had_," Jane says firmly, standing up. "You _had_ a drinking problem. Six years sober is not nothing, Tommy." Tommy stands up too, wandering back over to the crib he was looking at. "But then, I was thinking that Sofia and Isabelle could have a cousin to play with, and..."He blushes, and Jane smiles, nodding encouragingly. "I was thinking I could be a good father, not like..." He pauses, then continues, resolute. "I could be good. If-If you helped me a little."

Jane looks at her brother, a little surprised and very touched. "Me?"

Tommy glances at her and then back at the crib, shaking his head, laughing quietly. "Yeah, Jane. You're the best mother I know." He pauses, running his hand along the railing of the crib.

"You always have been."

...

* * *

...

"She'll come back," Maura hands the mug of tea to Angela and sits down in the chair across from her. "It's just hard for her to talk about."

Angela wraps her hands around mug, her face miserable. "I don't understand," she says, and she looks like she would like to say more but can't quite find the words.

"Angela," Maura waits until the older woman is looking up at her. "Frank abused Jane. On a fairly regular basis. You can't ignore that."  
"She was always getting in-"  
"Do not," Maura says cutting across her, "finish that sentence. Don't you dare."

Angela looks taken aback. "I just mean that she was always putting herself in danger. Even then. She would provoke him deliberate-"

But Maura slams her own mug down so hard on the table that both women are surprised that it doesn't break. "She should not have been in danger around her own _FATHER. _Regardless of what she did. And I know what you're talking about when you say she provoked him. Have you ever wondered why she did that? Have you ever considered that she was protecting her brothers? That she might have even been protecting _you? He was abusive!_"

Angela's eyes are wide, "you keep using that word. You weren't here. You don't know what-"

Maura stands up suddenly, she cant stay seated anymore. The anger is cascading through her like a red hot waterfall. She is too angry to scream. Too angry to cry. She looks down at Angela, completely at a loss.

"I was there. Once," she says quietly.

"What?"

"I was there," Maura turns to look Angela in the face, but in her minds eye she can see Jane, fifteen and long and lanky, even then, turning around to take her hand as she got off the train.

...

_"I just want to go around to make sure he's okay. I know my Pop only hates me...but this is the first Time Frankie's gone with him in a while, and you know how Frankie's always sticking up for me...if he says the wrong thing..." _

_Maura fixes her scarf, smiling when Jane takes her hand again when she's done. "You don't have to explain to me, Jane. I'm happy to go along with you." What she means is, I'm happy to be with you, wherever you are, but she does not say this. Instead she revels in the fact that Jane still hasn't let go of her. _

_They trudge up the street hand in hand. In true northeast fashion, March is proving to be just another extension of winter and it is windy and bitterly cold. Jane is wearing the coat Maura bought her just after christmas, and a skull cap that she recognizes as Frost's. The hand that is not intertwined with Maura's is shoved deep in her pocket. _

_They turn the corner onto a residential street, with several low lying, one story houses, settled close together. Jane scrunches up her face. _

_"Frankie said, 252. What does that one say?"  
Maura looks where Jane has gestured. "243," she says. _

_"Oh good, we're close. That means the other side of the street and..." Jane trails off and she stops walking, staring. _

_"Jane?" Maura looks at her girlfriend and then ahead of them, where she's staring. _

_There, on the front steps of one of the houses, is a figure, sitting and bent over double, arms wrapped tightly around knees. _

_"Motherfucker," Jane drops Maura's hand and begins to run. "Frankie!" _

_Maura gasps, trotting after Jane, sure that she is mistaken and it is not Jane's brother outside the house, shivering. _

_Jane is already pulling at her coat, slipping it off her shoulders as she runs. "Frankie!" she calls again, and the figure looks up, and Maura gasps again. What she though was Frankie's shirt is really his bare chest. Paler than she's ever seen. _

_Jane reaches him, pulling him close to her, wrapping the coat around him in one swift motion, and Maura is struck with the image of a mother, wrapping a child in a towel as he climbs out of the bath.  
"J-j-j-jane," He manages. And although he is thirteen years old, a teenager, he leans into her, his breath coming fast, like he might cry._

_"What the fuck. What happened? where is your shirt?" _

_"I sp-sp-spilled my -d-d-diner." Frankie's lips are blue. "D-d-dad says m-money doesn't g-grow on t-trees." _

_Jane takes off her hat and pulls it down over Frankie's head. Her hands moving to cup his cheeks. "You're fucking freezing." _

_Frankie looks up at her. He's still a full head shorter, skinny like his sister. Maura steps up to them, taking off her mittens. _

_"Here, Frankie," She says, "Put these on too."  
They are white and pink striped, and it says a lot about how cold he is that Frankie pulls them on without complaint. "W-what are you doing here?" He asks, looking between them. Jane zips up the coat and rubs up and down his shoulders, trying to warm him. Her face is set and pale. furious. Maura has never seen this look before. She opens her mouth to answer, but at that moment, the door to the house bursts open, and Frank Sr. steps onto the front porch. _

_"Trying my last nerve. That's what she's doing here." _

...

"Stop. I don't want to hear any more of this." Angela puts her hands out, as if she can physically push Maura's story away. "That's not what happened. That's not what Jane told me happened. Frankie got pneumonia from going to a hockey game with Frank, and he didn't wear a coat." Angela's voice is desperate. "Jane's split lip was from a basketball game at the Y. She was always getting hurt like that...

Maura shakes her head angrily, "Angela, _wake up._" She hisses. "wake up."

...

_The sound of Jane's body hitting the ground reverberates through Maura like a gong. For a moment everything is fuzzy and slow motion. There's nothing but Jane's unmoving body on the pavement where Frank has thrown her. _

_"Jane!" _

_Frank Sr's eyes slide over his son to land on Maura, but he doesn't even get the chance to move towards her. _

_"Tommy, get the FUCK out here right. NOW." Jane is on her knees, working to stand, calling for her youngest brother. Refusing to leave without him. And Frank turns around and in two short strides he has reached his daughter and kicked her._

_He kicks her hard in the stomach. _

_and Jane vomits. _

...

"STOP IT." Angela is standing. her hands over her face tears pouring down her cheeks. "Stop it. Stop it," she groans, but she doesn't turn away.

"She got him. She got Tommy and she got Frankie and she walked. Somehow. All the way back to the T. She brought them home and she put Frankie directly to bed and she set Tommy up on the couch with popcorn and some movie, and I was begging her to let me look at her. _Begging._"  
Maura is close to tears now too. "But she wouldn't. Not until you got home and she could feed you that story about how Frankie got sick and Tommy wanted to come home, and could she please spend the rest of the weekend at my house to work on a project."

Angela leans against the mantle, shaking her head. "Oh God...Oh God."

"Do you remember what you said?" Maura should stop now, but she can't. She thinks of the look on Jane's face when she saw her brother on the steps. How it mirrored exactly the look on her face when she saw Frank in front of Constance and her children in the park. and she can't. stop.

"You said, 'my boys have come back! What a wonderful surprise! Jane-"

"You shouldn't rough house so much. It does not befit a lady." The voice comes from behind her and Maura whirls towards the door. Jane is leaning against the door frame, her eyes glistening.

Angela rushes to embrace her, and Jane lets her, though the hug she returns is only a little more than grudging.

She releases herself after a moment, and moves to Maura, wiping a stray tear of the doctor's face with her thumb, smiling sadly. "I told you to forget that day. To wipe it from your memory," she says.

Maura shakes her head, putting her hand to Jane's chest, "I knew you'd come back."  
"Maura took care of me," Jane speaks to her mother, but does not look away from her wife. "She wrapped me up, fixed my cuts. and when it was time to go back to school," she grins now, "she slipped me one of her mother's pain killers.

Maura smiles back, standing on tip toe to kiss Jane's cheek. "I love you," she says.

Jane turns, surveying her mother who has sunk to the couch. her head still in her hands.  
Jane moves to the coffee table, sitting down so she is directly across from her mother.  
She places her hands on the older woman's knees.

"I will not let my children near him."

Angela peeks at Jane through the opening in her fingers. "How? How do I make it up?" she asks. And Jane sits back, considering.

"You can't make it up to me, Ma," she says quietly. "But you can make it up to my children. You can keep them safe..._Please." _

Angela can only nod.

...

* * *

...

Jane is shivering.  
"The heat is up as high as it will go," Maura says apologetically, but Jane shakes her head.  
"I'm not cold."

They are parked outside the courthouse, waiting for Frank Sr. to come out.

Maura hadn't wanted to come, had wanted to spare Jane what she thought would be a painful moment. BUt Jane had insisted.

"I need to know."

So here they are. Waiting.

"He got done like fifteen minutes ago. What's taking him so long?" Jane's knee bounces up and down.

Maura looks up, and her eyes get wide, "There," she says and Jane's head snaps up.

Frank Sr. is coming down the path from the Jail, walking slowly, shrugging his coat up over his shoulders.

"Do you see her?" Jane has put her face in her hands, apparently unable to look.

Maura looks around, her eyes falling on a parked car near by as the door opens and a woman steps out. Angela.

Maura swallows. "Yes."

Jane looks up, her face moving back and forth between fury and anguish.

The two women watch as Angela approaches her ex husband. He puts his hands out and gives her a sort of half grin. Jane tenses.

But Angela does not embrace him. In fact, she does not seem to be excited to see him at all.

"Maur," Jane breathes.

Angela is waving a finger in Franks face, and although they can't hear her words, both women can tell by her body language that she is yelling.

"Oh, God, she's going to get herself killed," Jane breathes, reaching for the door handle. But she is too late.

Frank Sr. reaches out and grabs the wrist with which Angela is waving her finger.

And Angela pulls back her other hand and punches him square in the Jaw, her knees jerking up to connect with his groin. he crumples, and she turns away from him, facing Jane and Maura in the car, and they can very clearly read the next words that come out of her mouth.

_Stay. Away. From. My. Family. _

Maura's hand is over her mouth and Jane's mouth is open wide. They look at each other and then back across the street watching as Angela heads back towards her car.

Jane fumbles with the car door handle, finally succeeding in opening the car door, and nearly falling out. Maura struggles after her as she starts to job across the parking lot.

"MA!" she calls and Angela turns around, her face apprehensive.

"Janie? I didn't come here to get him. I came to yell at him. to tell him to stay away from us. All of us. I swear to-"

"Ma," Jane says, putting her hand up, and Angela stops talking looking up into her daughter's face fearfully.

Jane takes a breath.

"Can you watch the kids on Sunday? Maura and I have a date night."


	18. Chapter 18

It's their first date night in several months. Cases followed by holidays and then more cases have made it impossible to even get a full nights sleep, let alone go out for dinner.

But Maura has held Jane to this date, and is not disappointed when her wife had descends the stairs in form fitting black pants and a low cut pink blouse.

"Mama," Isabelle's lip is already quivering. Between both girls, she is definitely the homebody. the most cautious and the clingiest. She does not like disruptions to her routines, especially when they mean that Jane is going to be absent. "Mama, no," she says now, in a voice that could break anyone's heart.

Jane kneels down, taking the little face between her hands. "Nona is going to be right here with you all night. And when I get home I'll come and kiss you good night."

Isabelle wraps her arms around her mother, not letting go when Jane stands up.

"I feel sad, Mama," she says into Jane's shoulder, and Jane looks at Maura, torn between laughing and struggling.

"I know, baby, but we'll come back. And Nona knows all the songs I sing, okay?"

Angela comes up to her, and Jane transfers Isabelle into her arms.

"We won't be late, Ma, okay?" Jane says as Maura hands her her wallet and the keys.

"You stay out as long as you like," Angela says kissing the side of Isabelle's head. "We'll be fine."

Jane looks over her shoulder as they leave, and Maura tugs her a little.

"They'll be alright." she says quietly, and she thrills a little as Jane helps her into the car before going around to the drivers side.

They drive in silence towards the restaurant, and Maura can tell that Jane is nervous about leaving Angela alone with their children. It has only been five days since Frank's release and Angela's vow to cut him out, and the memories and fear are still fresh in the detective's mind.

"Jane," she puts her hand over her wife's on the gear shift and Jane glances at her.

"He's gone, honey," she says gently, and Jane nods, giving herself a little shake.

"I know. I'm sorry," Jane tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and smiles up at her wife. Maura feels warmth spread out through her chest. They are coming up on their seventh wedding anniversary this summer and Jane's smile still has a way of getting to her.

She leans over and kisses Jane's ear, biting it gently.

Jane growls, "Maur. I'm driving."

"I missed you, Jane," Maura whispers, sitting back. Jane smiles, her free hand reaching up, her fingers trailing over Maura's jaw. "I can turn in here, at the double tree and we can forget all about dinner," she says, her voice low and playful.

Maura swats at her, though part of her contemplates it.

"keep your eyes on the road, detective," She laughs as Jane wiggles her eyebrows. "As tempting as that is..." she squeezes Jane's hand.  
"I want to wine and dine you."

...

Dinner is long and luxurious, the restaurant nice, but not fancy. Both women are happy to be able to eat at their own leisure and not have to cut up anyone's meal or keep cups and chairs right side up.

The conversation is minimal. They talk so much everywhere else:

_Mommy tell me how a girl doggy is different from a boy doggy. _

_Mommy what is air made of. How come I can see my breaths now?_

_Jane, it has to be you doing the interrogation...the suspect won't talk to anyone else. _

_Janie, explain to me why you won't even consider going shopping with me. I'm your mother after all. _

Maura sips at her wine, and when Jane reaches across the table and takes her hand, linking their fingers together tightly, she knows that the brunette is saying _I love you. I wouldn't be anywhere else for anything in the world. _

She squeezes Jane's hand, understanding.

They don't need to talk about it.

"Are you excited? For your brother?" The first real conversation comes half way through the entrees. Jane puts her fork down, biting her lip.

"I will be. When I'm sure that it's his. Once I've met this woman and I know she's not after his money."

Maura laughs, "What money?"

Jane laughs too, reaching for her beer, "touché."

"Well the girls are going to love it."

The detective rolls her shoulders, the last of her tension melting away. "Oh gosh, yes they are." She smiles, thinking. "I was totally freaked out when Tommy told me," she says, "And can't even begin to imagine what Ma is going to do when she finds out..."

Jane trails off, and her grin is lopsided, reminding Maura of their daughter. "But I think it's going to be alright. We'll help him with the infant stuff...I'll make him take all the classes."

"I don't think you'll have to make him," Maura says, remembering Tommy's wild excitement when he'd told her, Jane rolling her eyes behind his back.

"Okay...well...let him not sleep for three straight days and have him tell me is still wants fatherhood. _Then_ I'll be sold."

Maura smiles, ignoring Jane's sarcasm, knowing that it masks her cautious excitement.

"You're going to be an aunt." she says, and Jane's face shines for the tiniest of moments before she can hide it.

"Maybe. We'll see..."

...

They end up at the Robber, Jane slipping into their usual booth as the doctor orders for them, joining her after a moment

"I'm happy to do a paternity test for him," Maura says, continuing the conversation from earlier, and even though it's been almost two hours since this particular conversation, Jane nods.

When their drinks come, Jane slides Maura's wine to her side of the table, and when the doctor looks up, confused, that Jane curls a long finger at her.

Maura flushes, glancing around at the nearly empty bar before slipping around the table and sliding in next to Jane.

The detective pulls her close, pressing her lips to Maura's neck, and she gasps a little.

_"Jane!" _She says, pushing lightly at Jane's shoulders.

her wife releases her a bit, but does not let go completely. She smiles wickedly and grabs her beer with her free hand.

Maura takes a sip of her wine and leans against Jane, feeling so content that she could melt.

They sit like that for a while, drinking and not speaking, until Jane shifts, and jolts and Maura turns to look at her.

"Look Maur!" Jane's pointing out the window of the bar, and Maura looks.

It is snowing. Big white flakes drifting down from the sky.

The first December snow. The first one that really counts.

"It looks like it's going to stick too," Maura says.

Jane looks at her, her brown eyes sparkling. "Let's go to Mission Hill," she says excitedly.

"What?"  
"Let's get the girls and go to Mission Hill. Look down at the city and watch the snow fall." Jane squeezes her wife's hands, "C'mon, Maur. It's the first December snow..." She makes a puppy dog face. _"Please?" _

Maura grins and takes one last swig of her wine.

"let's go."

...

* * *

...

The SUV slips through the silent city. The snow is falling steadily now, blanketing the ground, making everything quiet. Giving all the streetlights and buildings a frosty sort of shine. It's beautiful, Maura thinks, and she is glad that Jane has talked her into this. Is glad that Jane is there.

Is just glad.

It's a little after one in the morning on a Sunday night and the city is silent, battened down against the oncoming snow storm. Not even the snow plows are out yet. The twins sleep silently in their booster seats in the back seat, wrapped snugly in their blankets. Maura turns to check on them, smiling as she watches Sofia's eyebrows twitch with her dream, mouth moving over words that Maura can't make out.

"She dreams like you, you know," Maura says quietly, and Jane smiles.

"Sofia? Yeah. I noticed."

"Can you believe that they go to school next fall?"

Jane chuckles, shaking her head. "Don't remind me."

The detective maneuvers the car through the streets slowly, using both hands, smiling when Maura's hand creeps to the back of her neck.

"We could have more...children," she clarifies as Jane looks confused.

Jane's eyes widen, but do not leave the road in front of her. "What?"

"Children. We could have more."

"I thought you said you were done."

Maura considers, "I thought I was, but thinking about Tommy having a little baby...Would it be so bad to have another? We have enough space."  
Jane glances at Maura. "Maur," she says, and her voice is a warning, but of what, the doctor cannot be sure.

She wants to say more, but Jane eases the car to a stop, parking right in front of the steps that lead up, up, up.

She turns in her seat. "wake up little girls," she says quietly. "we're here."

Sofia's eyes flutter open and she reaches automatically for Maura.

"Mommy."

Maura unbuckles her seat belt, slipping into the backseat of the car, grabbing the girls' coats and hats off the floor. "Come on, darling," she whispers, "Time to go see the snow."

Sofia allows her arms to be fed into the winter coat, her sleepy brown eyes surveying her mother, unsure if she should wake up enough to be excited.

Isabelle sleeps on, even as Jane opens the back door and reaches in to unbuckle her. She reaches for Isabelle's coat, but Maura stops her, shaking her head. "Just bring her in the blanket." she whispers, and Jane smiles, wrapping the little girl more securely before picking her up.

"Mama," she mumbles as Jane shuts the car door with her shoulder. "snow time?"

"yes, beautiful," Jane says, kissing her head, "ready?"  
Isabelle nods with her eyes closed, turning into her mother's chest. "Keep carrying" she says and Jane laughs, "you got it, golden girl."

...

There are one hundred and thirteen steps up the side of Mission Hill, and Jane climbs all of them with Isabelle in her arms, and sixty three with Sofia clinging to her back like a monkey.

Maura follows, laughing, and when they reach the top of the hill, she takes pity on her wife, moving forward to remove Sofia from Jane's back, settling the long body on her hip.

Sofia tilts her head back in the snow, opening her mouth, trying to catch one on her tongue.

"Snowflakes like this," Maura whispers to her daughter, "No two of them are the same." Sofia looks at her mother, her eyes bright and awake, listening. "If you look at them up close, under a microscope or through a high focus lens, they all look different. They are all unique."

Sofia looks back up at the sky, snowflakes settling on the hair peeking out from under her hat. settling in her eyelashes.  
"Unique," she echoes, "like families, Mommy?"

Oh God, Maura loves this little girl. Loves her with everything she has. She looks at Jane, who is murmuring to a sleepy eyed Isabelle.

"Yes, sweet girl, just like families."

"Mommy?"

"mm,"

"Is Santa like God? Can he hear us anywhere?"

Maura chuckles, "Sort of. Why? Do you want to ask Santa for something now?"

"Yes."

Maura nods, "Go ahead."

Sofia thinks for a long moment, and then looks out over Boston, biting her lip, just like her mother.

"Dear Santa. please brin' me a micrah-scope so I can look at the unique snow." Maura smiles, giving her daughter a squeeze. "Please also make sure Mommy and Mama can stay safe at the station forever."  
Sofia turns back into her mother, her brow furrowed, and she tugs a lock of Maura's hair.

"But," she turns back out, speaking to the sky. "If you can only do one...I do not need the micrah-scope. Thank you, Santa. Love, Sofia Emilie Rizzoli-Isles."

Maura swallows past the lump in her throat.

"Mommy?"

"Yes darling."

"Can I make a snow angel?"

Maura sets the little girl down, making sure her coat is zipped and her hat is on securely before letting her go. She runs a couple of feet before flopping down in the snow, waving her arms up and down.

Maura moves over to where Jane is standing, swaying with Isabelle and looking out over the snowy city. She slips her arm around Jane's waist.

"She sleeping?"

Jane chuckles, "She does not seem as taken with the beauty as the rest of her family," she says quietly, hoisting the sleeping child higher onto her hip.  
"I want to talk about it," she says quietly.

Maura looks up at her wife, "hmm?"

"Another child. I'm not saying I _want _one," she says, and she leans down to press her lips to Maura's, who feels her stomach flip pleasantly. "But I don't...not want another."

The doctor feels two tiny hands close over hers and she, reaches down to pull Sofia to her hip.

For a moment the little family is very still, looking out over Boston. The only home they've ever known. The only place Maura has ever felt complete.

She puts her head down on Jane's shoulder.

"We'll talk."

* * *

**Dedicated to Justmets. Some fluff. I apologize for all the drama. here is some respite. **

**Hi you wonderful people. Thank you so much for your reviews on Ch. 16 and 17. I'm sorry there was no A/N at the end of the last chapter. I was too drained after writing it to do anything but collapse into my bed and feel sad for Jane. But here is some pre christmas fluff for you! and here are some answers to your questions:**

**There will be no Tommy/lydia/Frank Sr. drama. I refuse. it is icky. **

**I will write my own case, but not til after Rizzoli x-mas. and it will be a doozy. oh yes. **

**Boo: she's not completely over it yet. Do I ever write any easy fixes? JMpack! Stop predicting my plots! lol. Tommy's gonna have some drama. Maura will eventually need to know how to shoot. I never write anything for no reason...you should all know that by now. **

**nikki, davislp, jobee(!) ximebeach, heatwave, cstarj, fergz, ichigo, bookiewookie, rizzyandizzy, lauren, julez, ireallyneedalife, ravenstrinity, bvscagle, sockslost. You guys are great. I love that you come back to talk to me time after time, and that you are as invested (maybe?) as I am in this story. It is totally validating and wonderful and I hope I continue to live up to your expectations. **

**there were so many new handles! viktoria,fireyblue,michellejagodinksy,lisaswife,thatisneverthat,carmelcarmie, kayla: welcome! thank you! Hope you continue to enjoy. **

**AE, FA, you guys are amazing and helpful always. I am astounded and I have no words. **

**You are all amazing. **

**I can only say thank you...thank you a million times. **

**happy reading!**

**tc**


	19. Chapter 19

**Trigger Warning for slight suicide mention. couple sentences is all.**

* * *

_She jiggles the key in the door like always, coaxing it to turn. It's the best place she's lived in so far, and it's all thanks to Leah. Jane smiles absently as she thinks about her girlfriend. As the key gives way, something falls to the ground with a clatter in her apartment, and she stops moving, listening. When nothing else makes a sound, she pushes the door open quietly._

_The apartment looks the same as it always has: beat up sofa, chipped coffee table, Leah's stack of crime novels in the corner. She sighs, thinking the noise must just have been the cat, and drops her keys on the table. _

_"Leah?" _

_There's no answer, but Jane wasn't really expecting one. It's almost one in the morning and she knows that her girlfriend's shift ended at 5pm. She's probably sleeping. Jane feels a twinge of disappointment. She's been undercover in the drug unit for a week and a half. She'd texted to say she was coming home...Leah could have waited up._

_She shrugs off her jacket and throws it over the back of the couch already working on the buttons of her shirt, wanting nothing more than to slide under the covers next to her girlfriend and forget the dirt and dust and sorrow of the past few weeks. _

_Button down shirt half off, Jane pushes open the door to the bedroom. _

_And stops dead. _

_For a moment everyone is frozen. Jane stands in the door way with her mouth open, Leah sits in bed with the sheet clutched up under her chin and the blonde, whoever she is, holds the pillow out in front of her like a shield. _

_Then everyone is moving. Jane has turned and is striding back towards the door; Leah is struggling out of bed, calling her name; the blonde woman is reaching around on the floor, trying to find her bra. _

_"Jane!" _

_"It's fine, Leah," Jane says without turning around, reaching for her jacket._

_"Jane," Leah's voice is pleading. _

_"We don't have to have the conversation. I'm never around. You need someone to hold. I get it, alright?" Jane reaches for her keys and the door handle at the same time. _

_"Janie, please. Look at me. I'm sorry. I Just.." _

_But Jane is gone, making sure that she does not slam the door. _

_…._

_She sits cross legged on the end of the pier, looking out at the water, inky blue in the lightening sky. Her hands trace over the hard metal of the gun, one long finger coming to rest on the trigger. _

_She closes her eyes, cursing when Maura's face is immediately there. She snaps her eyes open, lifting the muzzle. pointing it in. _

_There is the hard sound of boots on the wood planks behind her, quick and purposeful. She would know that walk anywhere, and when Frost sits down next to her, she doesn't flinch. He hands her a beer, and she sees him eye the gun out of the corner of her eye. _

_"Give it." He says, reaching out. _

_"Leah called you."_

_Frost puts his hand over the muzzle of Jane's gun. "fuck that bitch, Jane. Seriously. It's worth putting a gun in your mouth over?" _

_"She's never coming back." _

_Frost sighs, knowing they aren't talking about Leah anymore."No. probably not." _

_Jane lets go of the gun, taking a long swig of the beer. _

_"Come on, sister," Frost says, "I'll get you super drunk." _

_Jane lets him haul her to her feet. "where will I stay?" She says as he slips his arm around her shoulder. _

_"Don't be dense," he says quickly. "you'll stay with me." _

_..._

* * *

_..._

Frost hip checks Jane as he dribbles by, almost sending her to the floor.

"Foul!" she cries, straightening up, but he ignores her, putting in the lay-up easily.  
"No way," he says, turning around and looking at his partner.

Both of them are breathing hard. Korsak had ordered them both to go blow off some steam. The Slater murder and the Morris case weighing heavily on both of them.

After enduring their bickering all morning, Korsak had ordered them out. "Go! Go to the Y or go down and do yoga with Dr. Isles. Go _anywhere_! Hell, we're in the middle of this ridiculous health week. Go…shoot some hoops somewhere." Korsak had pointed at Jane and then at Frost. "But don't stay here and _don't_ think about the cases. Got it?"

They had stomped out of the precinct and into Jane's cruiser, neither one looking at each other.

Now Frost tosses Jane the basketball, "9-8, me," he says coolly.

Jane scowls, but does not challenge the score. Instead she dribbles the basketball to half court and turns around, looking at her partner appraisingly.

"They feel connected," she says advancing towards the basket.

"What?" Frost asks, not taking his eyes off the basketball.

"The murders." Jane tries to go left. Frost blocks her.

"Korsak says we're not," he swipes at the ball. Misses. "supposed to talk about the case."

Jane spins, trying right. "Maura says endorphins clear your thought process."

Silence but for the slapping of the basketball and heavy breathing. Jane charges. Pulls up. Shoots.

Nothing but net.

"I know this is getting to you, brother," she says between pants.

Frost does not aknowledge that she has used this name for him, but she knows he hears it.

He grabs the ball and looks at her. Neither smiles.

"Your ball. Game point." Jane says.

Frost sets up, dribbles right, but Jane is there crouched low. He spins, stutter steps and drives left. Jane blocks.

"The therapist," he says, pulling back, assessing his options.

It's Jane's turn to keep her eyes trained on the bouncing orange orb. "Huh?"

"The murdered doctor. He's got to be the tie between Katrina and Slater." Pump fake, side step.

Jane follows his moves like a dance.

"Maybe. You thinkin' he saw both of them?" Jane stops to look up into Frost's face and the younger detective sees his opening.

One step, two dribbles, pull up. He lets the ball go, watching it arc up towards the basket, coming down in a perfect U shape through the red rim of the hoop.

"Yes." He says.

They turn towards the door of the gym, walking quickly, both eager to get back and test their new theory.

"I won, Jane."

Jane chuckles, but puts her arm around Frost's shoulder. "yeah, yeah."

* * *

...

_"Barry did it! I saw him do it!" The boy is yelling, the vice principal barely holding him back. _

_"You didn't see shit!" Barry screams back. _

_The marble hall of St. Catherine's rings with their shouts. _

_"Barold, sit down," the principal says sternly. Frost sits, leaning his elbows forward onto his knees. _

_"Barold, do you know what Austin is accusing you of?" _

_"Stealing." Frost grinds out. "But I didn't do it." _

_"Austin and several of his friend say they saw you at his locker" _

_"I was putting a note in Lola's locker, man. Them dudes don't know what they saw." _

_The Principal leans back. He is a large man with a round face like a toad. He wipes at his forehead, looking uncomfortable. He clears his throat. "Barold. I understand that the pressures of attending Saint Catherine's…especially for someone in your position…but I need you to see reason here." _

_Frost clenches his fists. "I told you the truth," he says ferociously, "Those other guys just see what they wanna see when they look at me." _

_"Mr. Frost," The principal says, and Frost can tell he's beginning to lose patience. But at that moment the door bursts open and both Frost and the principal whirl around. _

_Jane is standing there, her hair a mess, her shirt ripped, holding tightly to the arm of a Junior whose name Frost remembers to be Todd. _

_"Ms. Rizzoli please!" The principal looks scandalized. "I am in the middle of a-"  
But Jane shoves the boy forward. "Give it to him you douche bag or I will crush your other nut, I swear to God." _

_The boy hesitates for the space of a second, then reaches in his pocket and pulls out a wad of cash held together with a rubber band. _

_Frost stares at it, and then up at Jane, who is breathing heavily. She looks down at him.  
"Let's go, Frost." _

_…._

_Frost kicks a soda bottle that's lying in the gutter. Jane trails behind him._

_"You're welcome," she says after a moment, her voice sarcastic. _

_Frost spins, "Shut up, Jane. Like you even know what you walked in on. Like you even give a damn that that racist Shithole-"  
"I knew that my boy was in trouble and I came and got him out of it." Jane's hands are up. Defensive._

_Frost shakes his head, laughing humorously, "Like you gave a damn any other day of the week. Do you see them shove me into trash cans and leave gum on my locker? Do you hear them call me Nigger in the parking lot, Jane?" _

_Jane stares, "I..I didn't-" _

_"Of course you didn't. Of course you don't. Like you're not too busy crying after some girl who's never going to come back. She's never. coming. back, Jane. And if I was your boy like you said. You would have never let them set me up for that shit. You're a senior, Jane. You'd OWN this school if you were fucking paying attention…if you were, you would have REALIZED." _

_Jane has stopped walking. Frost crosses his arms over his chest, breathing hard. "What's the point, Jay? I'm miserable. You're miserable. Is everything just shitty always? If everything's gonna be this shitty I quit. I'm out. I fucking quit." _

_Jane looks down at the side walk and then back up at Frost. _

_Her best friend.  
"I'm sorry." _

_Frost shrugs. Now that he has said all these things, he looks apprehensive. "whatever." _

_Jane comes up to him and they stand level with each other. "I'm sorry, Barry. I really am. I'll be better. I'll…" She glances at him. "I'll be a better friend." _

_Frost sighs, and they begin to walk again. _

_"You were right," Jane says after a moment.  
"huh?" _

_"You're not my boy," she says simply. Frost stops walking, and Jane stops too, turning to him. Holding out her hand.  
"You're my brother." _

_Frost clasps her hand. "Be better." He says. _

_"I will."_

* * *

_..._

"Isabelle, you can have desert when you're ready to tell Mommy where you put her good stethoscope," Maura's voice is no nonsense. Frost chuckles, leaning back on the sofa.

"_Mama_," Isabelle's plaintive voice floats down the hall.

"Uh uh, babydoll. Mommy's word is law. You know that." Jane's voice is playful, but stern. Frost closes his eyes. He's been staying at the Rizzoli-Isles' now for three nights. Jane had insisted that he not go back to his apartment alone while the case was weighing on him so. He can't say he isn't grateful. While his apartment is warm and well furnished, it does not teem with the same life that Jane's house does.

He feels a movement next to him and cracks an eye to see Sofia climbing up next to him, her face is lined with pain.

"Hey, little girl," he says, startled by her expression. "What's wrong?"

"Mommy's mad at Izzy," she says quietly.  
Frost nods, "Yeah. I heard."

"She didn't take her stelescope."

"Stethoscope."

"yeah."

They sit for a moment, and both are so engrossed in their own thoughts that they don't see Maura and Jane come around the corner to the living room.

"It's not fair, Frostie," she says sadly, and Jane holds Maura back, gesturing that they should listen.

"I know what you mean." He says. "But not everything in life is fair."

"But she didn't _do_ it. And no desert until she brings it? She doesn't _have_ it."

Frost looks at Sofia for a long moment.

"What should we do?" He asks, and Maura can tell that he's really asking her. "What do you do when you know someone is innocent, but no one believes you?"

Sofia considers him solemnly. "well," she says putting her tiny hand up on his shoulder. "Mommy would say…to pursue the truth."

Maura feels Jane's lips on the side of her head. She closes her eyes.

"I love you." The brunette whispers in her ear.

"I love you too."

* * *

...

_Maura throws the last of her dresses into the suitcase. She has never shown so much disregard for her clothing before, but at the moment she can't bring herself to care. Her heart is racing, and her palms are sweaty. _

_She turns to her desk ad finds the letter that she has been reading since it's arrival that morning. _

_**Dear Ms. Isles, we are pleased to offer you the prestigious position of Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Your superb background and education, as well as your extensive travels and deep knowledge of varying cultures and customs make you an ideal…**_

_She's leaving. She's leaving tonight and she's going back to the States. Back to Boston. _

_She closes her eyes. _

_Back to Jane. _

_"Maura?" _

_Her eyes snap open at the sound of the voice. She continues what she was doing, turning to her shoe closet. Realizing with a jolt that she's going to have to leave some of them behind. _

_"Maura," Garrett Fairfield comes around the corner to the room, his eyes wide when he sees her half of their walk in closet. "What are you doing?" _

_Maura doesn't look at him. "I'm leaving." _

_He regards her quietly for a moment. "For how long?" He asks finally. _

_"Forever."_

_"What?"  
Maura sighs impatiently, trying to decide between a sea foam green Jimmy Choo and a dark blue Louboutin. "I'm leaving you, Garrett. I've gotten a Job in Massachusetts and I'm leaving tonight." _

_"Maura," Garrett's voice is incredulous, "What has come over you? We're getting married in mere months." Garrett's face slips from mild indignation to panic as he realizes that his fiancé is not joking. "we've sent the invitation's Maura. We've gotten in 90% of the RSVPs." _

_Maura shrugs. "The ring is in the china dish in the bathroom. You may sell it or keep it. I don't want it." _

_"Maura," Garrett's voice is dropping towards anger now, "what kind of hysteria is this? Is there something you want? Is the wedding not grand enough for you? I can throw another hundred at it. If you'd like." _

_Maura spins on him, a heel in her hand, pointed at him like a knife. "Listen to me you self- centered man child. You could throw another five hundred thousand dollars at that travesty of a wedding and I would still not be there to walk down the aisle. I'm going…home. I'm going back to the only place where I ever felt like there was someone who understood me. Who…loved me for me." Maura smiles despite herself. The image of Jane filling her up like a song. _

_"I'm going back. And maybe she's forgotten me, and maybe she's moved on, but until I go back there and see for myself. Really see. I won't be able to live…" she looks around the beautiful bedroom, up at the diamond chandeliers. _

_"But I am done living like this. This is not a life." _

_…_

_**"Ladies and gentlemen the captain has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign as we begin our descent into Boston. Please make sure your seats are in their upright position and your…" **_

_Maura stares out the window at the sparkling city, alive in the bright June sun. She tries to calm herself, but her heart will not stop pounding. _

_It hammers away in her chest. The same way it did a million years ago, on the same transatlantic flight in the dead of winter. _

_"Going home to someone you love?" _

_The man sitting next to her must be able to hear her heart. Maura smiles nervously. "Yes." _

_"Been gone a while, huh," he says sympathetically. _

_"Far too long," Maura replies, watching the city grow underneath the plane. _

_"Well, if I was him. I'd still be waiting for ya," the man says kindly. And she smiles. _

_The wheels touch down and Maura's heart nearly bursts from her chest. _

_No money on earth could buy this feeling. She can't believe she's been away so long. _

_The man sitting next to her hands her her bag from the overhead bin.  
"Waiting or not." He says quietly.  
"Go pursue the truth."_

* * *

_..._

They lift their glasses to each other.

To the fact that they've put three murders to rest.

To the fact that Jo Friday is the stethoscope thief.

To their instincts, and their empathy, and their knowledge.

To the best damn team on the East fucking Coast.

"Sorry, Maura," Frost looks sheepish.

Jane laughs, and Maura reaches out to put her hand on her wife's knee.

"In this case, Barry, it may be appropriate," Maura smiles at him.

"This is the best feeling in the world," he says as Jane throws an arm around him.

"What, helping an innocent man go free?"

Frost shakes his head, reaching for her hand across the table so that they are all linked together. Maura holding Jane holding Frost holding Maura.

"No." he says.

"Knowing where you belong."

* * *

**Hi guys! Happy tuesgay. here's a little somethin to hold you over to tonight. For those of you worrying. I did NOT skip Class action Satisfaction. It just doesn't fit in until later. so...it's my AU and this one is coming first. **

**Annie MJ! You're caught up! welcome. thank you! kayla, jmpack, lauren, boo, ichigo, sashaelizaebeth, chaz1440, s8105, Ireallyneedalife, You guys are great. I'm so glad you're enjoying the twins. I'm trying to write them so they are cute but not grating...adult, because of their parents, but also not too old...it's great to know you guys like them. **

**AE sockslost, luvreading, rizzyandizzy, bnh, davis, jobee, fergz, justmets, horsesinthecity, ximebeach, nikki, heatwave, cstar! thank you. so much. you don't know**

**stephb (thatisneverthat) so sneaky. **

**The rest of you who are guests, should make yourselves distinguishable. especially if you're repeat readers. I want to thank you all and give you individual hugs for reading my story. lol. **

**you guys are like family. **

**A Chapter to go, and then Rizzoli Christmas and then we take a dip into not so fluff...and we meet some new people!**

**Look for a one shot up tonight after the new R&I. but be warned. it is of the future of this universe. so If you don't want to know how/if the Rizzoli Isles family grows. DON'T read it yet. It does have Iz and Sofia as teens though...so...there's that. **

**love you guys. **

**happy reading. **

**tc. **


	20. Chapter 20

The music is so loud that Maura can hear it from the front walk. She rolls her eyes, and as she pulls open the door, it spills out onto the sidewalk like a tidal wave, the bass line making her heart thump.

_One, two, threefourfive, everybody in the car so come on let's ride…_

Maura can't help but chuckle. She knows this song. It's from the 90's at least, old and overplayed. It's the kind of song that everyone knows and everyone is singing, but then, all of a sudden no one is.

No one but Jane, anyway.

She steps into the house, intent on getting to her wife, wanting to explain that their children are growing up quickly, and perhaps their sharp little brains should not be subjected to the overtly suggestive lyrics…but he can't help but smile at the giggling coming from the living room.

"Wait, wait, mama!" she hears Sofia chirp, as the chorus of the song rolls around. "Go back. I wanna learn."

"It'll come again, Fia, don't worry," She hears Jane say, and she can tell her wife is out of breath.

For a moment Maura stands in the front hall, listening to her little family, wondering how she got so lucky.

"A little bit of you, makes me a man," she hears Isabelle say with the music, imitating the intonation so well that Maura's mouth falls open a little.

Shaking her head, she rounds to corner, ready to play at angry, swat at her wife for corrupting their children. But the sight that meets her eyes wipes all of that from her mind.

They all stand with their backs to her, Isabelle, Jane, Sofia, in one straight line. And they are dancing.

It's some weird cross between line dancing and salsa, completely of Jane's creation, and she leads the girls through each movement easily, her hips pushing her feet out and back and out and back in the same sweet fluid motion with which she plays sports.

Maura glances at the girls. Isabelle has already caught on to the formula, and she moves just as well as Jane does, laughing up at her mother, her light eyes shining.

Sofia is half a step behind them both, her face deep in concentration. But when Jane looks over at her and smiles, ("good girl, Fia!") she beams back, proud.

Their dance takes them in a lazy circle, and all three turn and spot Maura at the same time.

"Mommy!" Sofia breaks her movements to come wrap her arms around Maura's waist.

"What is happening here?" She asks, laughing as Jane and Isabelle start a new routine, falling into sync like they've been doing it for years.

"Dance party!" Sofia says happily, "Mommy, come dance!"

"Come dance?!" Maura feels herself go a little red. "Oh, goodness, Fia. Mommy has no rhythm at all."

Jane laughs, "Liar!" she cries, coming over to wrap her arms around Maura, still moving in time to the music. "Come dance with us," Jane whispers against Maura's ear, and the doctor feels her spine tingle.

Maura almost swoons as Jane's hands find her hips, pushing her into the rhythm, but it's turned quickly into a laugh when Jane presses a loud kiss to her neck. She takes Maura through the steps, her hands never leaving the doctor's waist, and Maura finds herself falling in love all over again as she looks up into sparkling chocolate eyes.

As the chorus comes around again, Jane pulls away from her, taking her hand and turning to look at the girls. Isabelle has been teaching Sofia the steps again and they both look up at their parents expectantly.

"Ready, Nuggets?" Jane says and they both nod excitedly.

_A little bit of Monica in my life. A little bit of Erica by my side…_

Maura, Isabelle, Jane, Sofia. Dancing.

All of them in perfect sync through the chorus, the last verse and the end of the song. All of them laughing and gesturing and calling out over the music…

Jane grabs Isabelle as the last trumpets sound and collapses on the couch, laughing and laughing.

Maura falls back next to them, breathing hard.

"Very good, Mommy," Jane says between giggles. Isabelle snuggles against Jane, her hand going to the dark curls that fall around Jane's face.

It's snowing outside, Maura realizes when she looks up, snowing again, and the wind blows it up in great gusts around the window. It is twenty days until Christmas, and the coming weeks promise tree shopping with the family, and letter writing to Santa, paper snowflakes and hot chocolate.  
Maura smiles, completely content.

Sprawled across an ottoman nearby, Sofia reaches for the stereo remote, "again!" she says pressing the button.

And then, as the sound of people assembling and clapping that preludes the song floats through the stereo, Sofia stands up. In her deepest voice. In perfect time with the singer on the CD, she says.

"Ladies and gentlemen. This is Mambo #5"

The rest of the family is up immediately.

How can they resist?

* * *

...

"Babies, come over here, please." Maura takes her arm from around Jane on the couch and leans forward, calling to her girls. They come at once, sock feet and matching pajamas, climbing up on the couch next to their parents. Isabelle settles herself against Jane immediately, looking expectant.

"Book time?" she asks, looking Maura up and down like she might have it hidden somewhere.

"Not tonight, Bella," Jane says, giving her a squeeze, "Tonight, we want to talk to you about something really important."

"Fia did it," Isabelle says at once, looking earnestly at her mothers.

"I did not!" Sofia cries indignantly.

"Hush," Maura says, leaning to kiss Sofia's head, "No one is in trouble," she looks at Jane, unsure how to start.

"Mites, you know how your uncle is going to have a baby?"

"Yes," Sofia says at once while Isabelle nods. "We's going to be cuzzes."

"We are" Maura says, "going to be cousins…yes."

Jane smiles, "what would you think if we had another baby too?"

Silence. Isabelle looks between Maura and Jane like she thinks maybe she's heard wrong. Sofia's face has gone completely blank.

"Right now?" Isabelle asks after a moment.

Jane chuckles, "No. Not for a while. Babies take a long time to make."

Isabelle bites the inside of her cheek, "boy or a girl?" she asks.

Jane looks at Maura, "we wouldn't know until he or she got here, honey," Maura says.

Isabelle shrugs, already losing interest. "If boy, can he sleep not with us? Boys smell."

Jane chuckles, but frowns a little as she looks at Sofia who is pulling on her fingers. Nervous.

"Fia?"

"No, thank you," she says quietly.

Jane raises her eyebrows, leaning forward so that Sofia has to look her in the face.

"No thank you?" she says, "that's all?"

Sofia knots her fingers in her lap, looking upset. "Please no. Thank you." She amends, and Maura smiles.

Jane frowns a little, and gives Isabelle a nudge. The little girl moves immediately to Maura's lap, and Jane pulls Sofia close.

"What's up, little girl? You don't want a little brother or a sister to cuddle with?"

"I got Iz and you and Mommy for cuddling." Sofia says simply. "You want more cuddles mama, you can just ask. Don't need to go get another baby."

Jane kisses the dark little head, her frown deepening. She lifts Sofia's chin so that they are looking into each other's eyes. "tell me, sweetheart," She says gently, and Sofia sighs.

"Mommy cuddles the new baby. Mama cuddles Iz. Where's Sofia's cuddles?"

Maura could cry.

The math is so logical and so simple, and so like Sofia.

"We would never leave you out, babygirl!" Jane says, and it's clear that this is not what she had been expecting. "Why do you think that?"

Sofia sighs. "I am oldest."

And this sentence is completely like Jane.

Maura's eyes snap up to her wife's face, and she watches nervously as Jane shuffles through several emotions. The doctor knows this has hit home. Knows that Jane works hard not to lean on either of her children, not to treat them as anything other than what they are.

Jane looks down at Sofia who is looking back at her apprehensively.

"Nugget, do you know how much I love you?"

"yes."

"How much do I love you?"

Sofia half smiles, "Bigger than the biggest ocean, wider than the widest universe, more than the best cheeseburger on the planet." She recites.

Jane nods, "How much do I love Iz?"

"The same."

"And Mommy?"

"the same… except no, she cannot have any of your burger."

Jane laughs, "Exactly. But how is that possible, Fee? There's only one of me. How can I love three people the same at the same time?"

Sofia looks up at her mother, at a loss. "Just do," she says after a moment.

Jane hugs the little girl close. "Exactly. I just do. And if we added a new little snug to this family, Mommy and I would have enough cuddles to go around, we would have enough love to give all of you , we would _make_ enough time to kiss you all good night and have dance parties on days off."

"How?"

Jane looks at Maura, who smiles through the tears in her eyes.

Jane leans forward and kisses Sofia's nose.  
"We just would, nug."

Sofia leans forward to hug her mother.

"okay."

* * *

...

Maura is all over her wife the moment she feels her slip under the covers. The combination of watching Jane dance, and hearing her reassure her daughters that there is enough love to go around, makes her ache with the need to feel Jane close. She moves to press herself against her wife, but the taller woman holds her away, rolling her until she's on her back, her strong hands roaming over her front, sliding down to hold her hips.

Maura whimpers, "_Jane." _

The brunette presses her lips to Maura's temple, still keeping her distance. "Don't move," she growls, her voice low and gravelly in her ear.

"What?" she starts but cannot finish, feeling Jane disappear and reappear at her hip bone, sliding her pants down her legs.

"I saw the way you looked at me when we were dancing," she says, and her breath is hot and warm between Maura's legs. The doctor shivers.

"You want me? Even still?"  
Maura nods even though she knows that Jane can't see her, "yes. Yess, you. Just you." Her hands find the back of Jane's head, and she pulls, sighing when she feels Jane obey her silent command.

It does not take much to pull her close to the edge, and Maura arches her back, biting her lip to stay quiet. But as she approaches the edge, as she lifts her hips up towards Jane's mouth, insistent and needing, Jane pulls away.

Maura groans, devastated, "No. No teasing," she whispers desperately, " not tonight, please. Please, Jane? Come back, come-ohh." Maura swallows hard as her wife presses her whole body against her, and now Maura knows why Jane was keeping her distance. She wraps her legs around Jane's thighs, feeling the rough straps of the harness, her mouth open in a tiny circle of surprise.

"It's been a while," Jane says quietly, pressing gently into her wife. "Are you ok? Are you ready?"  
Maura bites at Jane's neck, nodding, groaning as they come to rest, flush against each other. Fully connected.

"Maur?" Jane's breathing is already shallow, but she doesn't move, waiting for her wife to say it's alright. "Are you okay? Did I-"  
Maura flexes up hard, swallowing the end of Jane's sentence with a kiss. "Shut up," she says, pushing up again. "Shut _up. _Go…" she growls, and her eyes meet Jane's for the tiniest of minutes. She watches as her wife's expression slips from shock to lust. "Go!" she hisses again, and Jane starts to move.  
Maura barely manages to catch her moan, turning it instead into a string of whimpers and sighs that Jane responds to, moving her mouth from Maura's lips to her jaw to her throat and back up, her hips never losing their rhythm. Maura clutches at her back, awed at the way the muscles work and tense and slide under her fingers.

She moves her hands up to Jane's shoulders, and the brunette picks up the pace, using Maura's breathing as a measure. Timing her own release against it.

She slows and speeds and slows and speeds, drawing out their time together, letting Maura ride wave after wave of pleasure, until she feels the Doctor nod against her, fingers scrabbling at her back, and she pulls them over the edge together, Maura squeezing her eyes tight and biting down on Jane's neck to keep from shrieking.

She collapses back against the pillow, exhausted and boneless and happy.

Here is just one more thing Jane's hips are good at.

* * *

**Can you guys tell I'm totally buttering you up? here's a tiny bit of fluff before christmas drams/fluff and then some serious drams. Fanfiction has just begun to let me post again (WTF)so I will try also to get the one shot up.**

**Ooglie! thank you! I think you may enjoy the not so fluff...based on the writing of yours that ive read.**

**deedaswan, youthink, kryptochick, saz001, chawkchic, bo29, hope! thank you guys so much. welcome to the new handles!**

**bookiewookie,jobee,bnh, anyfey, rizzyandizzy, ireallyneedalife, imaginationgenius, pi, jmpack, noblegraces, you guys rock. **

**AE. the english language is not sufficient. that is all. **

**to answer your questions. YES. Maura is going to meet Leah. NO. I won't tell you how their family is going to grow. and No. I still refuse to write break ups between our ladies. I have seperation anxiety for them so bad. I barely like to write them doing seperate activities...so...they will go through serious drams. but it will not affect their relationship. If you're looking for serious relationship angst...try somewhere else. **

**happy reading!**

**tc**

**p.s. in my docs folder, this is titled "hips don't lie" ...i'm just that awesome. haha. **


	21. Chapter 21

"Rizzoli"

Maura glances at Jane as she puts the phone to her ear. The person on the other end of the line is yelling. Maura can hear the speaker's frantic tone from her position in the driver's seat.

Jane furrows her brow. "Wait," she says, "Lydia…wait…slow down." She glances at Maura and rolls her eyes. Maura smiles. It is no secret that Jane does not like the mother of Tommy's baby. It might have something to do with the way she stumbles over the word "detective" like it's five syllables and written in greek. It could also have to do with the way she talks to the twins as though they are infants. But more likely, Maura thinks it has to do with how Angela simply fawns over her; How she is so ecstatic to have another source of grandchildren.

"You haven't heard from Tommy?" Jane says now, and her voice has an impatient edge to it. She rolls her shoulders. "Okay…okay….well when was the ultrasound?"

Maura glances at Jane again, watching her face slide from annoyance to concern.  
"And you haven't heard from him at all?" Jane sighs, "No. No…Lydia," Jane makes an impatient noise in her throat, the look of annoyance coming back. "Well technically, you've already called the cops…" She rolls her eyes again, "I mean by calling _me, _Lydia. I'm the cops."

Maura laughs quietly and Jane shoots her a look.  
"I'll find him and bring him to tree lighting tonight, okay?" She pauses, "I'm sure everything's fine…Okay…you too…buh-bye!" Jane clicks her phone off with a snort.

"That woman is the biggest dumb-" She catches herself glancing in the rearview mirror, catching the eyes of her children looking intently back at her. Jane sighs. "Tommy is MIA since the last ultrasound."

Maura bites her lip. "Cold feet?" she says hopefully.

Jane rubs her hand over her face. They are on the way to the airport to surprise Constance at the airport. Instead of the nameless driver waiting for her, the girls have decorated a name plate and are going to wait by baggage claim for her. It was Isabelle's idea, really, when Jane had told her that Gramma was coming for Christmas.  
"Why she always comes in that scary car, Mommy?" she'd asked, "Why we can't go _get _her."

Neither parent had any answer.

"What should I do, Jane? Do you want me to swing you by his apartment?"

Maura is already altering their trajectory, knowing the answer.

"The tree lighting in the square is tonight." Jane says.

Maura turns down the road she knows will lead them to Tommy's apartment.

"So get your brother and meet us there. My mother will understand, Jane."

Jane nods after a moment, "tell her I'm sorry, okay?"

Maura smiles. "okay."

...

There's no answer when Jane knocks on the door of her old apartment.  
"Tommy, I know you're in there," she calls impatiently.

Nothing.

Jane sighs, "C'mon, Tommy, open the door or I'm gonna have to use my key. And that will make me feel like Ma, and that will piss me off. And you do not want to piss me off this close to Christ-"

But the door opens before Jane can finish, and she pushes her way in.

The apartment that the detective used to live in is completely different. Tommy has been there for almost seven years, and he has changed it so completely, that it even smells different. Jane looks around the living room, at the beat up old couch, chunky TV, the xbox controllers on the floor.

"This apartment looks like it belongs to a college frat boy," she says turning around and looking at her brother. Her face darkens immediately.

Tommy has gone back to the kitchen, and he is leaning against the counter, his head bowed.

In front of him is a bottle of tequila, a glass of it already poured. Jane works to keep her temper under control.

"Thomas," she says quietly. "What are you doing?"

He doesn't look at her. "I didn't have any," he says.

"That's not what I asked," She replies. "I asked you what you are doing? Were you just going to blow off Christmas with your family. With the mother of your child? Get drunk and-"

"I didn't HAVE ANY!" Tommy yells, "you can give me a breathalyzer test, Jane, if you don't believe me…" He turns away from her, and Jane moves forward, grabbing both the little glass and the handle of alcohol.

She brushes past her brother and dumps them both in the sink, turning to face him. He keeps his head down, and Jane feels her anger building with every breath. She had hoped that having a baby would pull Tommy harder in the right direction. That he would finally feel some sort of purpose in his life, and stop drifting.  
"Tommy!" she says, and her voice is half furious, half pleading, "You are going to have a child. You cannot go throwing your life away now. You promised Lydia you would be there for this baby and you can't do that if-"

"Son." Tommy's voice is so quiet that Jane almost misses it.

"What?"

"I'm having a son." He looks up at her for the first time, and Jane sees that he's been crying. His eyes are red rimmed and glassy. "We had an check-up yesterday and," he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a creased scrap of paper, handing it over to her. Jane realizes it is a photo from the ultrasound. She smiles, feeling the burn of tears herself.

"A boy," she says finally looking back up at Tommy. "T…Brother. That's wonderful!"

But Tommy turns away from her moving to the living room and flopping down on the couch. "No. It's not. It's horrible."

Jane frowns, following. "What do you mean?"

Tommy lowers his head into hands, "I've been doing the reading. About what boys need in their lives to be stable and happy and…I gotta be solid and firm and provide for him and take him to Sox games and teach him…teach him."

Jane comes and sits down next to her brother. He looks at her, tears in his eyes. "I can't Jane."

She smiles, "You can."

"I can't…I'll…I'll hit him."

There he is. Their father. Jane knew he was in there somewhere. She reaches out and puts her hand on her brother's knee, squeezing until he looks up at her.

"You're not dad."  
"I hit people." He says simply. "I wasn't even drunk when I hit you. And Maura…"

Jane shakes her head, "You're not dad." She says again. "Yeah, he got in your head and he dictated a lot of your actions for a long time. And you made some bad choices and you _had_ and addiction." Jane puts her other hand out gripping her brother's arm, "but you also made my children the most beautiful place to sleep, and you play hide and seek with them...and you are gentle, Tommy. So gentle with them. And they are not afraid of you. And your son won't be either." She pauses, looking at him, sighing when he doesn't seem convinced.

"I should have protected you."

"What?" his head snaps up to look at her.  
"I should have protected you from him…more. You were just a little kid and…"

But Tommy is shaking his head so hard that the couch vibrates. "NO! No…"

The sit in silence for a while, listening to a group of carolers who seem to have congregated outside of the apartment.

Tommy looks at her suddenly, "They are so small when they're born. I'm worried I'd hurt it and not even know. But I've been practicing."

"huh?" Jane looks at him, confused.

He stands and heads back to the kitchen, "babies," He repeats, as if she hasn't heard. "They are so small. I measured it out…and…I've been…" but his voice is muffled as he bends down, rummaging around for something. Finally he comes up, and Jane bursts into laughter.

He is holding up what looks to be a tiny pillowcase, stuffed full, with the open end sewn shut. On the front of it, in black marker, Tommy has written _Baby. Four days old, 6-8lbs_.

"Oh, my God, Tommy," Jane says, trying to get ahold of herself. "Did you make that?"

Tommy looks a little embarrassed. "Well. The book said…"He looks down at his creation. "I wanted to practice…"

"What did you fill it with?"

"Rice. I was gonna make one for three months…but…that's a lot of rice."

Jane clutches her stomach, laughing so hard she could burst. She stands and moves towards her brother, pulling him into a hug when she gets close enough. He hugs her back after a moment, and she feels him start to chuckle too.

"There's your proof, baby brother." She says, pulling away, looking up into those familiar brown eyes.

"Pop would never have done that."

* * *

...

Jane and Tommy make it to Boston Commons with five minutes to spare, but they have no trouble spotting the Rizzolis through the crowd. Sofia sits atop Frankie's shoulders, pointing excitedly at the tree, and Constance does anything but blend in, her bright red silk and cashmere pea coat giving her away immediately.  
Jane and Tommy wend their way towards the group, and Angela is the first to see them. She bends down to Isabelle, who is standing next to her, and points.

"Mama! Uncle T!" She darts through the crowd towards them, and Tommy catches her when she launches herself towards them.

Constance turns too, and she looks genuinely happy to see Jane as they walk up.

"They got you alright?" Jane asks, holding out her hand.  
Constance takes it, smiling, "It was a wonderful surprise," she says. And then, as if to add to the night's wonders, she pulls the detective into a hug, real and warm and lingering. Jane hugs back, looking at Maura over the older woman's shoulders, astonished.

Maura merely smiles.

"I hear you two are thinking of having another baby," Constance says quietly as she releases Jane.

The brunette is about to ask what Constance thinks of that, but when she looks at her face, she realizes she already has an answer.

She grins back before turning to embrace her own mother.

Frost joins them briefly, clasping hands with everyone, and giving Jane a light punch on the arm. "You coming to dinner, Frost?" Jane asks, turning towards the middle of the Commons where the countdown has begun.

Frost smiles but shakes his head.

"Got a previous engagement, partner," he says mysteriously, and no matter how much Jane prods him, she cannot get him to spill.

"It must be a woman," Maura says, coming up from behind as Frost moves away to talk to Frankie, "Look at how he's walking."

"Strutting," Jane says smiling. "Do I walk like that around you?"

Maura laughs "Yes."

Each woman picks up a girl when the countdown makes it to 15 seconds, so that they will be able to see the giant tree fully when it lights up.

"Three...Two...one!"

The crowd around them gives a collective gasp as the pine tree comes to life. Neither Jane or Maura sees the actual tree, however. They are both too busy watching delight and awe play across their children's faces.

"Oh...Mommy," Sofia says from her mother's arms.

"Can it be Christmas for always?"

...

_Dear Santa,_

_My favorite color is blue, so if you could please bring me a new blanket for my bed that is blue I would be very happy. Also I would like a Soccer ball and cleats so I can practice in the yard. _

_Please, also, if you can, make the baby a girl so that she does not smell and can sleep with me in my bunk bed. _

_Please make sure Mama does not get called in for Christmas and that Mommy gets a new cookbook. _

_I am tired of chicken. _

_Please also bring me and Fia a new baby sister too. _

_Not a boy. _

_Thank you, Santa,  
Isabelle Alessandra Rizzoli-Isles. _

...

Christmas Eve Mass. Jane, Angela, Maura and Constance sit side by side in the giant cathedral. The holidays have become like one long list of traditions. Get the Christmas tree from the same place every year. Make the same type of gingerbread cookies.

Have a snowball fight that ends in hot chocolate and a Rudolph movie.

But this tradition is one of Maura's favorites.

The choir near the altar is singing O Little Town of Bethlehem and Constance reaches out and puts her hand in Maura's.  
The doctor closes her eyes momentarily, wanting to hold onto it all: The sound of the harmonies as they drift towards her. The smell of candle wax and mahogany. The way that Jane lays her head on her mother's shoulder during the song, one tear slipping down her nose and into the folds of her scarf.

The way Angela wraps her arm around her daughter's shoulder, but doesn't say anything.

As they leave the church, however, Angela clears her throat. "Um...I'd like to give you both your Christmas present now...If that's alright." She says quietly.

Jane, who has slipped her arm around Maura, turns and looks at her mother.

"Now?" she says, confused, "You have it with you?"

Angela nods, reaching into her bag and pulling out a piece of paper, "Yes. Well, just a copy. You'll have to get your real ones down at the precinct after the holiday."

Jane's confusion increases. "At the precinct? _My_ precinct?"

Angela half smiles, and holds the document out to Jane, who takes it and looks it over. Her face changes immediately, though Maura cannot tell what it changes to. She looks over Jane's shoulder at the paper.

_Order of Restraint_

She looks up at Angela with wide eyes.

Angela nods. "It covers you, Jane, and Maura and your children, Constance and Me." she pauses and when Jane doesn't say anything she shifts a little nervously. "I can get one to cover Frankie and Tommy...I just thought that...Since he's only really ever gone after..." She trails off as Jane looks up at her.

"You filed this against Pop?" She asks, and even Maura can't tell what her tone is.

Angela looks scared. She nods.

And Jane steps forward and hugs her. Hugs her and lets out one quick sob. before pulling back, wiping her face and striding off towards the car.

Angela looks after her affectionately, and Maura rushes to hug Angela before running after her wife, her feet crunching the hard snow underneath them.

When she reaches Jane, she realizes that the brunette is crying. Crying and laughing.

Maura puts her arm through Jane's giving her a squeeze.

Jane smiles through her tears.

"Best. Christmas. Ever." She says.

Maura can't help but laugh.

...

_Dear Santa, _

_Please bring me glow in the dark stars so I can put them on my bunk bed and make a universe. Please also bring me a microscope and a new stuffed bear that is exactly like the Ted I have now. Please bring me a diary so I can write down what I think. Please bring me a book on the solar system. _

_Please make my new baby cousin a boy so that he does not want to play with my toys. _

_Please bring mommy a new cookbook because I am tired of chicken. _

_Mama does not need anything except "more time off" I don't know how you make that…but if you could please bring it to her. She fell asleep watching Nemo last night. That is most not good. _

_Thank you Santa, _

_Love,  
Sofia Emilie Rizzoli-Isles. _

* * *

...

Santa does it all. He keeps all of his promises. He brings a microscope and glow in the dark stars for Sofia and a soccer ball and cleats for Isabelle.

He brings the little golden girl a blue blanket so soft it's like clouds, and nugget gets a giant book on the solar system, so thick and heavy she has trouble opening it up.  
Maura finds a new cookbook tucked away under the tree and Jane's phone stays silent on the counter from Christmas eve all the way through Christmas day.

Someone has put a giant silver bow on Bass' shell.

Tommy arrives with Lydia and Jane manages to be civil. Even when the young woman announces that she is thinking of naming the baby Maximus, Jane does not roll her eyes, although Maura sees her squint, like it's taking real effort.

Maura sits down next to her Mother on the couch, smiling as the girls rip the wrapping paper off several new books, and two new outfits.

"What do you say?" Jane calls from the corner, where she is sitting in front of her mother, back against the older woman's knees. Angela's hands run idly through her daughter's hair.

Everyone is happy.

Sofia and Isabelle take turns listening and talking to Lydia's stomach.

"Hello baby...you in there little cousin?"  
"Hey. I'm going to teach you to do a somersault, baby."

"Hey...hey boy, you better not be smelly."

With the help of their uncles, the twins manage to put on one of the most hilarious, confusing, historically inaccurate Christmas shows that Maura has ever witnessed.

She goes to correct them, to tell them that the three wise men did not bring beer, olive oil and lettuce to the manger where Jesus was, but she looks over at her mother to see her shaking with silent laughter, and she holds her tongue.

Christmas dinner is messy and loud and the twins spill twice and Lydia spills at least three times, but no one seems to care.

At the end of the night, everyone is full and happy nearly waddling to their cars, and when Constance kisses Maura good night and heads towards the guest room she says,

"I do regret that we never had Christmases like _that_ when you were growing up."

Maura thinks her jaw will start to hurt from how big she is smiling.

...

* * *

...

"Ready?"

Jane's eyes flutter open and she looks up at her wife.

The girls are down and the family is gone. Constance is in her guest room for the night.  
Jane smiles. Of all their Christmas traditions she likes this one the best. She sits up and motions that Maura should join her on the couch. The doctor obliges immediately.

"Do you want to go first or do you want me to?"

Jane bites her lip, she looks suddenly nervous. "You go first."

Maura smiles and reaches behind her to pull out a paper thin package, wrapped in silver paper.

Jane takes it curiously and pulls at the golden ribbon.

One piece of paper falls out of the wrapping and onto her lap, and Jane picks it up, glancing over it.

_To: Dr. Maura Dorthea Isles_

_Cc: Detective Jane Clementine Rizzoli_

_Re: Application for adoption _

_Dr. Isles,  
It is with great pleasure that I inform you that your application for fostering and adopting children in the State of Massachusetts has been accepted. Please note that this acceptance is contingent upon your ability to follow..._

Jane looks up at Maura, her eyes wide. "Adoption?" she says quietly.

Maura nods, and it's her turn to look nervous. "We've been going back and forth forever, Jane. should we have another you. Should we have another me...why not do neither? Why not give a baby who really needs it a home?"  
Jane doesn't say anything, just looks back down at the piece of paper in her hands, and Maura realizes with a jolt, that the detective is shaking. She leans forward quickly, putting her hand over Jane's heart.

"Honey!" She says, alarmed, "your heart is racing!" She pushes Jane back against the couch, slipping in beside her, wrapping her arms around the detective's skinny frame.

"It's not a done deal," she says quickly, placing a quick kiss to Jane's temple. "Just because we've been approved doesn't mean that we have to do anything right away. And...and...the waiting period for babies is enormous. It could be an entire year before-"

But Jane silence's Maura with her finger, pulling the blonde woman to her body tightly.

"I love you so much, Maura," she whispers, and She shifts a little bit to reach into her pocket, pulling out a little velvet box.

Maura flips it open and smiles, tears instantly in her eyes.

It's a new necklace. Jane has been promising to get her one for almost five years now. she runs her finger along the tiny diamond on the front, next to her name. _Maura. _But now, below it, there's another name.

_Jane._

"Turn it over," the detective whispers in her ear.

She does, and a tear drips down her face.

_Sofia_

_Isabelle_

And underneath it, enough space for another name.

Maura turns to say thank you, but finds Jane's lips instead. The kiss is slow and easy and deep and long. It makes Maura feel like she's floating.

"I think adoption is a wonderful idea," Jane says as she pulls away from Maura's lips.

The doctor smiles.

"I love you, pretty girl," she whispers, feeling Jane's arms snake around her.

"Merry Christmas, Maur."

* * *

**Happy Christmas! Now say good bye to your fluff...my fluffer is broken (that's dirty) and it's time to get some drams up in here. **

**Youthink, Thank you! That means so much to me! Ashlee, Abigail, JMpack, AnnieMJ, TVcrazed, Ireallyneedalife: AH. you guys...I'm so happy you like the girls. I love them too.**

**BNH, bookiewookie,kayla,nikki, maygan, rizzcg! ugh. I'm running out of ways to thank you. I honestly want to give each of you a cookie and like...my undying affection. lol. **

**Sockslost, gemsofodin...which is it? love or hate? lol. You don't have to decide now. I'll let you wait until after the next couple of chapters...although...if you say hate I might cry. :)**

**jobee, davis, ts, AE and FA. My life and my first born to you people. honestly. **

**happy reading!**

**tc. **


	22. Chapter 22

**In light of the things that happened in CT, I am putting this trigger warning here. no children die and everyone is alright in the end, but this chapter does cover a murder and an abduction and there are children involved. This story was going this way before this past Friday, and I really struggled with putting this up now. Ultimately I decided to post it. But here is your trigger warning. Proceed with caution. **

* * *

**...**

Maura takes a deep breath. She closes her eyes and then opens them again.

She aims.

One. Two. Three. Fourfive. The last two come quickly, one after the other, but they are also the ones closest to the heart of the target. The bullseye.

"Good job, Maura!" She hears Jane coming up behind her. "You have gotten so much better."

Maura looks at the target, biting her lip. It's true that she's gotten better. She does not ever miss the silhouetted man anymore, but she has yet to put a bullet exactly where she wants it. She sighs, wondering why this does not come as easily to her as…everything else.

Shooting has become something that she and Jane do together. It is four days after christmas, and She and Jane have stopped before going home after one last shopping trip. They are both dressed casually, jeans and thermals, and Maura feels short and messy in her flats.

It was Maura's idea to stop here before going home. She can't exactly say why she enjoys it, or why she feels a need to get better at it. As a rule, Maura Isles detests guns. But while she cannot even begin to imagine pointing the weapon at a real, living and breathing person, there is something rewarding about watching the little bullet tear through the paper target.

"I'm getting better, but I'm still not as good as you," She says, a little huffily, and Jane laughs, though not unkindly. "Honey," she says, and her voice drips like the pet name, "you will never be as good as me." Maura laughs and Jane steps forward, holding out her hand for the gun, to reload it, but Maura shakes her head, turning the gun in her hand, doing it herself.

She smiles at the surprised and proud look on Jane's face.

"Well, Dr. Isles," She says, as Maura puts the safety on and hands her the firearm. "That is pretty badass, if I do say so myself."

Maura flushes happily, stepping aside so that Jane can step up to the window and focus on the brand new target. The doctor watches as the woman she knows disappears. Her smile vanishes and her face goes hard and impassive. She takes two deep breaths, and lifts the gun. Maura watches her mouth move over several words that she can't make out, and a spasm of something sharp and hard crosses the detective's features as she takes one more breath and pulls the trigger.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

Maura could swear that the last three bullets don't even make their own holes, but just slip through where the previous ones have gone before them. She presses her legs together surreptitiously, trying to fight the heat in her stomach. She would never admit to anyone that watching Jane shoot like that turns her on. She can barely admit it to herself.

Jane turns away from the target, taking a moment to compose herself. She looks up at Maura and something like relief flashes across her face.

"Are you ready to go?"

Maura stands up, suddenly full of the desire to put her hands on her wife. "Yes," she says stepping forward as Jane attaches the gun to her side. "I'm ready." She puts her arms around Jane's neck, pulling her close, and Jane chuckles.

"You certainly are," she whispers.

Maura laughs, loving that Jane can read her so well.

"I could go another round and we could take the long way home," she whispers, and Maura catches her breath, pushing Jane away. She looks up into warm brown eyes, and feels her heart swell a little. She has to know.

"What is your space, Jane?" she asks for maybe the hundredth time that month. "Why won't you tell me?"

The slightly cocky smile that Jane had been wearing a moment before falters a little and she shakes her head, running a finger through her hair. "Maur,"

"I'm not your partner, Jane," Maura says, and she can hear the faint whine in her tone. "I mean...I am. But not like Frost. Why can't I know?"

She steps closer to her wife, searching the taller woman's face. "Is it about me?"

Jane shakes her head, "Maura," she says and her voice is low and warning. "I need you need to let it go, honey. Please. So I can do my job."

Jane looks suddenly like she might be in pain, and Maura drops it, shocked. "I'm sorry," she says quietly, but Jane sighs and pulls her into a tight hug. She holds on longer than she would usually do in public, and Maura has the idea she's trying to reassure herself of something, but what it is, she doesn't know.

"I'm sorry. I love you, sweet girl," she says into Jane's shoulder, hoping that the pet name will smooth things over. She feels Jane relax almost instantly, and when she releases Maura, she's smiling again.

"I love you too, Baby." she says. "Let me sign us out and I'll meet you at the front okay?"

Maura nods and watches Jane around the corner before turning towards the front of the building.

Her phone buzzes as she reaches the front door and she turns around to look for Jane as the brings it up to her ear. She'd been hoping they'd have more time to enjoy the holiday. That they'd at least be able to spend New Years Eve with the family, but now it doesn't look like it.

She thinks of all the things she still has to do, Sighing as she answers the phone.

"Isles,"

Jane rounds the corner, her phone pressed to her face as well, her expression mirroring Maura's.

"Rizzoli"

...

* * *

...

Maura does not allow emotion to cloud her judgement of crime scenes. She is clinical and calm and does not do anything but look at the facts. As they pull up to the crime scene, she works on shutting her family off. She looks at Jane, trying to see her as her partner and nothing else. They do not have children.

They are not in love.

She realizes that this way of operating is the opposite of Jane, that she makes her best connections when she relates the case to her own life, and that strong emotion makes her steady.

They don't discuss these differences at all. They balance each other perfectly and easily and neither wants to complicate it with analysis.

They sit in the car for a moment, each in their own thoughts, each preparing in her own way.

"Frost says it's bad," Jane says quietly.

"I'm sure it is. They always are," Maura responds, her voice already shifting towards the monotone and clinical. Jane doesn't seem to mind.

She rolls her shoulders once, and reaches up to pull her hair back into a pony tail.

"Ready?"

Maura looks at Jane who looks back. They both breathe.

"I love you, Jane Rizzoli" green eyes find brown.

"You are my world, Maura Isles." a long fingered hands reaches out to squeeze one delicate wrist. "Find the truth."

Maura smiles, a real one. The last one, Jane knows until they find the answers.

"Keep me safe."

They sit in silence for one more moment, and then they get out of the car and walk towards the house.

...

The man is dead in the entryway. three bullet holes to the back and three more that have been fired into the wall.

"Automatic," Jane says, stepping over the body as Maura kneels down beside it. "Frost?"

"In here, Jane," her partner calls, and Maura hears Jane's boots disappear down the hall.

"Maur," Jane calls, and the medical examiner stands and walks down the hall.

The woman is dead in the hallway, stretched out on her stomach with one arm in front of her. Maura frowns, "They were running," she says, kneeling down by the woman. "Early to mid thirties, good health. The same with her husband although he was maybe closer to forty."

Jane looks back towards the door, biting her lip.

"Okay," she says, "So...the door bell rings and he goes to the door."  
Frost nods, moving towards it, "The suspect doesn't wait to be let in...just starts firing," he says.

"But he's not a good shot," Maura cuts in, and both detectives look at her, "He's maybe four feet away from his target, but the first three bullets went into the hallway wall...All of these entry points are in his back. The victim was running when the bullets hit him."

Jane's jaw clenches and she turns around. "He must have shouted out...and she starts running too...but it doesn't make sense."

"What?" Frost says, "I'd sure as hell run if a psycho guns down my husband."

Jane nods, "Yeah...but you'd run out the back door, right? Or a side door or something, wouldn't you? Not...deeper into the house." Jane strides back into the hall and starts opening the doors that lead off of it.

Maura stands again, "Jane, what are you-"

"She was running towards something," Jane says, and her voice holds a trace of panic, She moves out of sight still opening doors. "She was running towards-" Her voice stops dead. Frost comes up behind her and his face goes pale.

"Jane," he says putting his hand on her shoulder, but she pushes him off striding back into sight. Maura looks up at her and feels her chest tighten. Jane is going to be sick.

"Jane?"

"Frost," she says and her voice is tight with effort. "Call it in. Call it in right now."

And she strides past Maura without speaking again, out of the house and onto the lawn where she can lose her lunch without tainting the crime scene.

Maura looks to where Frost has appeared, is phone to his ear.

"Frost, what is it?"

He shakes his head and gestures around the corner. Maura walks around the corner to the last door that's open. She pushes it wider and steps inside.

The ground underneath her starts to spin as she looks around, and she has to grab and hold on to the nearest piece of furniture in order to keep from passing out.

One little desk with a tiny chair. Two dressers, the bottom drawer open with a little shirt hanging over the side.

Maura looks around at what she's holding onto and feels her own stomach lurch unpleasantly.

A bunk bed.

...

Jane picks the photo up off the mantle, and Maura watches her face go hard.

She stands up from the body of the man and walks over to the detective, putting her hand on her shoulder.

"Jane,"  
"Where are they? Why did he take them?"

"We're going to find that out," Maura says gently and she feels Jane tighten underneath her hand, like a spring.

Frost comes out of a side room that's been identified as the den holding two pieces of paper, he hands then to Jane, "Levi Michael Owens, age 7 and Noah Samuel Owens age 2."  
"Two." Jane says, and it is possible to read every single emotion the detective has in that one syllable.

"There's no sign of a struggle, there's no blood in the room or on the windows or anywhere that would lead us to believe that they're injured," Frost says, looking at Maura for assistance.

"He's right. All of the blood here seems to be from the two bodies we have."

Jane nods, glancing at the picture again. It's a posed family photo, the kind you would take in a department store, and the little family is dressed identically in khaki and oxford blue. All of them are smiling.

The front door of the house opens and Frankie comes in, followed by a couple other officers and lab technicians.

Jane looks at the picture once more before handing it to her little brother. "Canvass the neighborhood. Anyone see anything weird or out of place in the past couple of days. The murders. the abduction. It doesn't feel random."

Frankie glances up at his sister, then back down at the photo, and Maura can tell he wants to say something to her, but her face seems to dissuade him and he nods snapping at a couple other uniforms to follow him.

Jane turns to the hall. "I'm gonna go over the kid's room." she says.

"I can do that, Jane," Frost speaks up, but Jane shakes her head. "No...I mean...yes, come with me. Make sure I don't miss anything."

Jane turns and looks at the medical examiner, and her face is hard and dangerous looking. "Maur?" she asks, and she's really asking if the doctor is alright.  
Maura nods though she doesn't smile, and gestures a lab technician towards her. "We are going to find them." she says. And with half a smile, she watches the detective disappear around the corner.

* * *

...

Twenty four hours and Maura has been home for three of them. Jane has not been home at all. The doctor strides into the bull pen with three of the biggest coffees in Boston and a pizza. Jane is leaning back in her desk staring up at the ceiling. Frost is staring at her, waiting.

Maura sets the coffees down silently, looking over at Korsak, who nods his thank you and looks back at Jane too.

For a full two minutes, no one says anything. Maura is afraid to move away for fear that her heels will shake Jane's train of thought.

Frankie's canvassing has unearthed almost nothing. Two neighbors remember seeing a strange young man in the vicinity, and one woman said she saw this man talking to the older boy, Levi, but no one could give any type of description.

No teachers reported anything odd with the children. There have been no 911 calls in the past year and a half by anyone on the block.

Jane leans forward suddenly, looking at nothing. "Why this family?" she asks the air. "What am I missing?"

It's as close to praying as Jane has come in a while.

She lifts up a picture of Levi and Noah, and can't help the half smile that plays on her face.

They are cute. The older boy is dark haired with blue eyes and a spattering of freckles. The little boy is fair, with green eyes and a goofy little smile.

Maura finds that she cannot look at the picture for very long. It makes her her heart ache. She sees the similarities between these children and her own, light and dark, and she knows that Jane can see it too.

"Jane," she says quietly, and the detective turns too look at her, and Maura catches her breath. Every line in Jane's face is exquisite with exhaustion and pain. She looks miserable. She looks furious. Maura reaches out, trying again. "Jane. You need to rest."

Jane's eyes focus and then shift out again, "I can't." she says simply, and Maura knows that this is true.

She sighs, sliding the coffee down the table, watching as Jane wraps her hands around it like it is a buoy.

Maura gives Frost a meaningful look, and the younger detective stands up. Jane watches start to leave, to give them a moment. "Frost," she says calling him back. "Run violent crimes in the neighborhood...go back fifteen years..." Jane frowns, "Involving minors."

Frost nods and turns towards the back room.

Maura sits down in the chair by Jane's desk. "Honey," she starts, but Jane puts up her hand.

"The autopsies are done?"

Maura sighs, "There's nothing to do but wait for toxicology and the other labs...Jane, you need to-"

"find them." she looks up into Maura's face, and Maura knows that it is going to be futile to argue with her.

"Your mother says she will watch them as long as we need," she begins but Jane shakes her head. "No, no...Go home. Susie can text you when the results come back right?" Jane glances at her computer screen. "It's Thursday," she says "Take the kids to Fresh Market like you always do."

Maura goes to argue, but Jane reaches out and takes her hand.  
"I know you want to see them, Maura."

The doctor cannot deny this. She's been itching to put her hands on her children for the past 10 hours. To sing them to sleep, and tuck them in. Kiss their heads.

"I will be back as soon as they go down."

Jane leans forward and puts her lips on Maura's. It's not a kiss so much as contact. Both women just. need. contact.

"Tell them I love them."

"They know," Maura says, standing up.  
Jane smiles, turning back to her work, "Tell them, just the same."

...

* * *

...

Maura pushes the cart down the aisle, looking down at her list distractedly, glancing up to make sure that she can still see Sofia in front of her, trying to sneak fruit roll ups into the basket.

"Put them back," Maura says, hiding her smile, "Preferably where you found them."

"Mommy, they are _healthy_ for you." She says, holding them up, pointing at two words in big letters on the front of the box. "See?" she says, pointing to each one in turn, "Real. Fruit. That means healthy."

Maura sighs, wondering if it's possible to un-teach a child how to read.

"Put them back, Sofia, we're here for New Years dinner food and nothing else. And we have to meet the family at the tree lighting in two hours." Maura looks at her watch, "an hour and a half," she corrects, feeling a little panicky.

"Mommyyy." Sofia starts, but Maura holds up her hand, "This is not up for debate, Chica," she says "Put it back."

Sofia manages a very Jane –like glare, before doing as she's told.

They take a detour down the baby aisle, Maura thinking about travel cups for the girls, but that section is being blocked by a young man with a shopping cart. As Maura draws closer, she realizes that the cart is full of every size diaper possible as well as formula, snacks, bottles and sippy cups.

Maura raises her eyebrows.

"Sir?" she moves to ask to get by.

The man whirls on her, and Maura realizes he's not a sir, but a boy. He can't be older than eighteen or nineteen. He's also suffering from some type of withdrawal. He rubs at the arms of his grubby sweatshirt, like he's trying to keep warm.

Maura pulls Sofia closer to her instinctually.

"S-s-orry. You need to get in here?"

Maura nods, "I just need to grab one of those travel cups," she says, but she doesn't move, because the man's eyes have fallen on her children. Isabelle stares at him with wide eyes, her fingers holding tight to their grocery cart.

"Hey…hey…how old are they? Are they still wearing diapers? Do you still wear diapers, little girl?"

Maura feels her heart speed up. "No, mister. We are five. We don't wear diapers since we were babies." Isabelle says indignantly, before catching her mother's eye and falling silent.

Maura studies this young man carefully. "You have children?"

"Two. I-I- have two? One's smaller and one is bigger. Big-bigger than them...bigger. Probably the smaller one still needs diapers...right? Diapers...diapers." He trails off turning back to the racks of baby items, and Maura takes the opportunity to lift both her children into the basket of the shopping cart. Isabelle opens her mouth to protest, but one look from Maura keeps her silent.

The boy wanders a few feet away from her, still muttering, and Maura is torn.

"Gotta...keep them safe and get them well...Gotta make sure they have everything they need."

She turns to her children. "Move from this cart and you will not be happy," she says sternly, and two little heads nod up and down.

Maura approaches the boy. "Sir?" she says "Do you need help?"

He jumps at her voice and turns to look at her. His eyes are caramel, the pupils wide and dilated. He is coming down off of something.

He frowns, twisting his fingers. "My girl-girl friend. She's got kids. they are with me...they need they need...um. things."

Maura nods. "You don't know how old they are?"

His eyes flick over her children again, "bigger and smaller. much smaller."

Maura nods, turning to regard the wall of diapers, "walking?"

The man nods.

"y-y-you know a lot about babies?"

She nods, "Yes, I am a doctor," she says, as if to reassure him.

Maura is contemplating the sizing chart on a package and does not see the way his face changes. "Here," she hands him a package. "These are what you need."

He takes them from her but does not remove his eyes from her face. "t-thank you...Doctor."

She smiles and turns away, back to her own cart.

"Mommy, that man is very jumpy," Sofia says as she pushes them away.  
Maura nods, sighing, wondering if she should have done more. If there was anything more she could have done.

...

Maura finishes helping Sofia strap herself in the car when she feels a tap on her shoulder. She turns around to see the wild eyed youth from the grocery store. He reaches out and tugs on her arm, pulling her away from the car.

He is stronger than he looks and he manages to drag her a couple paces.

"Mommy?" Sofia's worried voice carries to her.

Maura looks warily into the boys eyes. "Did you have another question?"

He won't look her in the face. "You're coming. you're coming with me. You're going to help him..."  
Maura shakes her head, panic already mounting in her stomach. Her cell phone is in her purse on the front seat of the car. She has nothing but her car keys clasped in her hand.

"No. No I can't. My children..." But the boy lifts the hem of his sweatshirt to show her his gun. Maura freezes.

"Mommy?" Isabelle now.

"You...You're coming with me. to help him...I-I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't" Maura says quietly. "Please. My children..."

The boy glances past Maura to her car, he seems to be struggling with something. He lets go of Maura's arm. "You have 10 seconds...y-you have to come right back or-I'll hurt you. I'll kill them...I-I need you to come with me...I don't want to b-but-"

"I understand," Maura says quickly, and he watches as she closes the distance back to the car. Her children look at her, nervous but not terrified.

"Mommy? Are we going home?" Sofia sits back in her seat, looking expectant.

"No," Maura tries to keep her voice steady. "Listen...Isabelle, look at me." Her tone makes both children turn to look at her. "You do not unlock this car for anyone but Mama. You do not go with anyone but Mama. Understand?"

"Mommy?" Sofia looks scared, Isabelle merely puzzled.

"No one but Mama. _No one. _Repeat it."

Both children answer immediately, knowing not to argue with the tone, "no one but Mama..." Sofia looks like she might say something else, but the boy is back by Maura grabbing her again, and she barely has time to lock her children in the SUV before he pulls her away towards his own beat up sedan. She allows herself to be lead away, feeling the sting of tears in her eyes, not looking back at her children's faces in the window, knowing that if she does, she will fight him to get back to them and he will kill her in front of her children.

"Why are you doing this?" She whispers.

He protects her head as he puts her in the passenger seat of his car.

"y-you're doctor. y-you said. you have t-t-to help him. He's sick."

Maura opens her mouth to say something else, but he turns the key in the ignition and the radio bursts into life, loud and angry, and any other questions she has are drowned out as they screech out of the parking lot.

* * *

**Guys I'm going directly into writing the next chapter, and you'll get a longer A/N at the end of that one. You should expect the new chap sometime tomorrrow AM. hang in there friends. If you really can't stand not knowing, my one shot Double It, should give you some peace of mind. **


	23. Chapter 23

**Trigger warning. Abuse, abduction, mental illness. proceed with caution**

* * *

**...**

The house is a dilapidated split level on the outskirts of Revere. All the houses nearby are dark when they pull up, and Maura sees what looks like a condemned sign on one of them.  
"We'll be-we'll be safe here," he says, shutting the car off. He looks at Maura who looks back, wide eyed. "I-I-I have to get the bags. I have to get them. Don't run. I don't I don't want-"

"To hurt me," Maura cuts him off, "I know."

She stays in the car while he goes around to the trunk, getting the bags. She watches him in the rearview mirror still muttering to himself, twitching and jerking as he lifts the groceries out of his trunk. She flips through her mental rolodex of mental illnesses, trying to find one that would fit him.

He has not turned the heat on for the whole ride, and her toes and fingers feel numb with the cold. She thinks of her children, and how much they had trusted her as she'd locked them in her car. How'd they'd nodded obediently and promised her right away. _No one but Mama._

_Jane_.

Maura closes her eyes, trying to reassure herself that Jane will get to their children quickly. She will take them home and keep them safe, and then she will come for Maura.

The boy jerks her car door open and offers his hand to help her out of the car. She does not take it, and once she is standing he grabs her arm roughly, dragging her towards the house.

"he's sick…he's sick. She's going to fix him. Then we'll be safe. I'll protect them this time." Maura listens to his muttering, not able to understand the context for his words.

He shoves her in the door and she stumbles, losing a heel, but he doesn't let her bed and put it back on, just grabs her again and pulls her along. He stops in the kitchen, if one could call it a kitchen. There is a refrigerator in the corner that looks older than the boy himself, and a sink and a stove that are red with rust. He puts the groceries down and looks at her. "Are you ready? Do y-y-you want some water? C-can you help him just like that?"

His questions are disjointed and random, but Maura thinks he looks scared and young and sick. Not like a pedophile or a serial killer might look.

"Help who?" she asks quietly, forcing her voice towards gentleness. He steps forward, reaching out again, as if to grab her, but she puts her hands up, trying to stop him. "I'll come with you. You don't have to drag me."  
He drops his hands and looks at her, and his wide eyes seem to clear for the space of a moment.

"If-if you can fix him…y-y-you can go. I don't want to kill you, or-or anything. I want you to make him better. Y-you're a doctor…y-you said."

Maura nods, knowing that this is not the time to explain her exact job to this boy. "Make who better, sweetheart."

This pet name just slips out. She can't help it. Despite the gun in his waistband, despite the way he's dragged her through the house, and how he ripped her from her children, she does not feel afraid of this boy.

He beckons her, and she follows him, out of the kitchen and into the hall, where he stops in front of a door and rummages in his pockets, muttering the entire time. "key…key..keep your keys safe and your money handy," He chuckles a little at the saying and then finally produces a tiny sliver key, which he fits into the lock on the door.

When he pulls it open to reveal what's behind it, Maura can't suppress a little gasp. It's the door to the basement, and the stairs wind precariously down and around out of sight.

"Go," he says, giving her a little push. "Go. He-he needs you- you said-you'd help."

Maura takes a breath, and begins to descend the stairs.

...

* * *

...

If Jane drives any faster she is sure that she will break some kind of sound barrier. Her heartbeat is rushing in her ears and her hands are gripping the steering will so hard that her fingers are completely numb.

She screeches into the parking lot of the grocery store to see three cop cars already there. She whimpers as she throws the car into park. "No. no no," she groans under her breath. "Not my kids. Not my _kids_." She jumps out of the car, calling out to the nearest uniform. "Jensen? I got a call. My kids?" She can't lower her voice and she can't make herself speak in complete sentences.

"Don't worry, Detective," he says, raising his hands, "They don't look hurt. We're gonna 'em out of the car. We'll have 'em to you in a jiffy." He turns back towards the scene, and Jane feels her whole body go rigid. Before she even really knows what she's doing, she has surged forward, pushing people out of the way indiscriminately, using her elbows and her hands, until she is in front of the car.

Maura's car.

She peers in the window, and nearly falls over. Her legs have gone numb.

Sofia and Isabelle have let themselves out of their car seats, and they sit together, arms wrapped tightly around each other, in the middle of the car, between the bucket seats on the floor. Sofia is looking out the opposite window, away from Jane, her tiny face is screwed up in such a fearsome glare that Jane is surprised the uniform she's screaming at hasn't turned to stone. Her words are muffled by the doors and windows, but she enunciates so clearly, that she is easy to make out.

_You leave my sister alone. You go away…MAMA. _

Isabelle is tucked against her sister's skinny frame, her head buried in Sofia's neck, blonde hair splayed across her face, masking it from view. But from the way her little shoulders shake, Jane can tell she is crying.

Anger and fear and panic and Rage and FURY, Jane's feet might not touch the ground as she circles her car and knocks the man with the metal cutters out of the way. She hits him hard in the chest and he staggers back, confused.

"Get away, you dipshit," she growls, before turning and locking eyes with her daughter.

"Fia! Honey! Let me in, babygirl," she says, and the change in the child is immediate. She shakes Isabelle, pointing, already struggling to move towards the door. Jane thinks that the seconds between seeing her children, and the moment when Sofia pops the lock on the SUV go by like hours.  
She cannot wait to lift them from the car, but instead climbs into the back with them, gathering them both into her lap, kissing them everywhere she can reach.

Isabelle sobs into her shoulder, holding on so tightly that it's painful. Sofia is not teary, but her face is drawn and scared, the fierce mask gone now that her mother is here.

"Mommy said you would come," Sofia says quietly, her head on her mother's shoulder, "What took you so long?"

Jane can't breathe. She can't see for the tears in her eyes. She pulls her children closer.

"What happened?" she manages, although she knows this question is too vague to get a productive answer out of her children.

"Mommy w-w-went with the man. She told us to only wait for you…no one else" Isabelle stutters through her sobs. "But other m-men came to try and get us out. But-but Mommy said just you. Mommy made us promise."

Jane tightens her grip, feeling her breathing get shallow. She tries to keep calm, tries to fight the panic that has reappeared so quickly.

"Okay," she says, pulling her children away from her so she can look in their faces. "Okay. You did so good. You were so brave and smart and wonderful. Mommy is going to be so proud of you."

She pulls them back to her, rubbing their backs methodically, still speaking to them, comforting them.

She hears a scuffle off to her right, but can't look around.

"That's my _SISTER_ and nieces you fuckers. Let me through."

"Get out of my WAY."

Tommy and Frankie, appear, both looking ashen. And behind them, Frost, his face just as pale.

"Jane…what the hell..." Frankie's eyes are huge, "I heard it on the radio when they ran the plates…Where's…where's Maura?"

Jane shakes her head cryptically, and moves to stand. Neither child lets go, so with a small grunt, Jane lifts them both with her. They help her by wrapping themselves around her like rubber bands, and their tiny hands clasp together over her chest. Jane looks at Frankie helplessly.

"Maura."

...

* * *

Maura knows right away that the boys on the cot are Levi and Noah. She's seen their picture enough, and they haven't changed, except that Levi looks pale and skinny and shaky, and Noah is sobbing.

"he-he won't stop. He's hurt or something." The older boy has to shout to make himself heard over Noah's wails. "make him stop. Make him stop…I can't-I-I" the little boys screams seem to unhinge him even more, and after one terrified look, he retreats back up the stairs.

Maura hears the lock click.

She turns around and looks at the boys. Levi is watching her warily, his feet firmly on the floor as if ready to move if he needs to. His hand rests on his brother's back, and after a moment, when it doesn't look like Maura is going to move, it starts to rub in a circular motion, around and around.

But he stops abruptly as Maura takes a step closer.

"Don't you touch him."

Maura puts her hands out, "Are either of you hurt?"

Levi narrows his eyes, "Like you care."

Maura takes another step forward, "I do care, Levi. The police are looking all over for you two."

Noah sits up, looking at her, his face is red and his eyes are completely bloodshot. His breath comes rapidly, shallow in his chest.

He's not just crying, Maura realizes, but having a full on panic attack. She takes another step forward. "Noah," she says, the way she would speak to Isabelle. "Honey, you have to calm down, it's alright. It's okay." She glances at Levi and approaches the cot completely, her hands still out.

The moment she sits down, Noah climbs into her lap and buries his head in her neck, his tears wet on her skin.

Levi does not object, and Maura rocks the little boy back and forth, smoothing his hair. He quiets within minutes, his eyes drooping under sandy blonde bangs. After a while, he is asleep. Levi watches all of this without an expression. Maura looks up into his bright blue eyes.

"Are you hurt?" she whispers.

Levi shrugs, looking away. "He took you, too." He says quietly.

Maura nods. "Will you let me see where you are hurt?"

Levi turns away from her, and for a moment she thinks he's refusing, but then he lifts his t-shirt up over his head, and Maura gasps.

He's got four big bruises that cover his back and shoulders. They can't be more than half a day old and they stand out, blue and purple on his skin.

He turns to look at her, and there are tears in his eyes, and she knows he's seven, but he looks much younger. She reaches out a hand to him and he only hesitates for a second before scooting closer and letting her put her arm around him.

"We're going to be okay." She says quietly, so as not to wake the toddler on her lap.

Levi looks at her, "Are you going to save us?"

Maura gives him a gentle squeeze. "I'm going to keep you safe until the police come, yes," Maura says, her mind completely made up.

"What if they don't come?"

Maura offers him a smile, found from somewhere deep, deep down.  
"They will."

...

* * *

The girls fall asleep on the bench near Jane's desk, first Sofia, and then Isabelle, who fights it as long as she can, eyes trained on her mother. Frankie goes to move them, but Jane stops him. "Let them be able to see me if they wake up," she whispers.

She leans back in her seat again and tries to fight the urge to scream and cry. Her daughters had relayed the story of Maura's abduction in fits and starts. A nightmare as seen by a child too young to know what a nightmare is.

_Mommy helped him pick out diapers. _

_He came up to her in the car and took her away. _

_She told us to not open the door for anyone but you, Mama._

_She didn't look scared. _

_The man showed her something, then she came and told us to stay. _

_She wasn't scared, Mama, she was using her no mess voice. _

_I tried to sneak fruit roll ups. Do you think she's angry cuz of that? _

Jane puts her head in her hands, trying to focus. He'd obviously shown her a gun. She can think of no other reason that Maura would voluntarily leave her children. He must have shown her the gun and threatened them. She was nice to him in the store. Maybe she said something that he connected with. And so he followed her. And he took her.

_But Why? _

Jane looks up at her children, asleep against each other.

_Mommy helped him pick out diapers…he didn't know what to get. _

_He was jumping all over the place._

"He didn't know what to get," Jane says out loud. "He didn't know…"

"JANE!" Frost bursts out of the tech room, and Jane looks around at him. "You'd better come see this.

Motioning to her brother to sit with the girls, Jane hurries into the back room.

Up on the screen are the pictures of three boys. Adam, Levi and Noah Cryer.

"Those aren't our missing kids," Jane says confused.

Frost shakes his head. "Ten years ago, there was a 911 call made at 8:45 pm, from 155 Spruce Terrace. When the police got there, they found Jane Cryer dead in the hallway, and Levi, then 9, and Noah, 3, dead in their beds. The older boy, Adam, eleven at the time, was found hiding in the basement."

Jane stares at her partner, "155 Spruce…The Owens lived at 147."

Frost nods, "The father, Samuel Cryer was picked up three days later covered in his family's blood, talking crazy. He was deemed unfit to face a trial and committed to Rolling Rock State Mental Institution."

"Where is he now?"

"Dead."

Jane stares at the pictures of the boys, "Those younger two could be our Levi and Noah's brothers. Look at the similarities Frost…what are the odds," She turns, "where is the older brother?"

"He bounced around foster care. He was diagnosed with Bipolar last year. The last trace of him was when he was arrested for assault outside of trader Joe's last December."

"What was the assault?"

Frost clenches his jaw, "He tried to take four year old Noah Ames away from his mother in broad daylight."

"Wait. Wait…Trader Joes, that's right across the plaza from Fresh Market."

Frost looks at her, realization dawning. "It's the same guy."

_He was tryin to buy diapers but he didn't know what to get…Mommy helped him._

"He has them. He has Levi and Noah…and one of them must need something…and he doesn't know how…" Jane is trying to pull the pieces together, but her sleep addled brain is slow and confused. Without Maura there, it's like she doesn't know what to do.

_Focus. _Jane grits her teeth, looking out the window at her children. At Frankie sitting next to them, eyeing everyone who walks by.

_She's gone._ Jane tells herself firmly. _She's gone unless you get to her. She's gone and you let her down._ She does not stop this mental tirade, yelling at herself until the initial sorrow turns hard. _FOCUS you asshole. She's gone and you never deserved her and your children are gone and you have no one. You. Have…_

And there it is. She knows.

"Frost, pull up all of the foster houses where he lived. See if any of them are vacant. If not, find the largest vacant housing area you can find…but don't go more than…ten miles out of Boston..."

She turns on her heel, "I'm getting our vests."

"What? Why?"  
"He has those kids, and he has Maura. If he's bi-polar, he's had a mental break, and when he saw those kids, with those names living so close to his old house…"

She doesn't continue.

"We don't know he has Maura, Jane."

Jane looks over her shoulder, "When was the last time you changed a diaper, Frost?"

Frost looks flabbergasted. "Never."

"Exactly. He doesn't want to hurt them. He wants to keep them safe. He wants to _save _them. So he goes to the store, but is completely overwhelmed…Maura helps him…."  
Realization is dawning on Frost's face, "And he sees an even better way to help them."

He sits down at the desk. "Give me ten minutes."

Jane nods, turning and striding from the room.

...

* * *

Maura sings both children to sleep. She uses songs that she sings the girls, and before his eyes close, Levi gives her a smile. She smiles back, even though she feels like crying.

She looks at her watch. These boys have been missing for almost forty hours and she has been missing for nearly nine. What if Jane hasn't gotten to her children. What if someone called child protective services instead of the cops. What if they don't run Maura's plates and make the connection. She feels dizzy with all the things that could have gone wrong.

She is about to move to the separate cot and close her eyes too, if only to try and block out the cascade of panic, when she hears the lock in the door.

"Hey. Doctor. Hey," his voice is a raspy whisper.

She moves to the bottom of the stairs and looks up through the railing at him.  
"Come up here."

She obeys him, thinking it's better that she go up to him than risk him coming down and hurting one of the boys again. She has no shoes on, and the wood of the stairs feels dirty and grimy under her bare feet.

Once she is in reach, he pulls her through the doorway and shuts it behind her, locking it again.

"You fixed him!" The boy's face is ecstatic. "Y-You are the best doctor ever."

Maura does not smile back at him. Her feet hurt. She is exhausted. Whatever his initial intent for these children, he has hurt them. She frowns.

"He was just very scared," She says quietly. "He misses his mother."

The boy's face clouds, "That sorry bitch. Why would he. She never did anything for him."

"You know Levi and Noah?"

"Of course I do!" he looks at her like she's crazy.  
"I'm Adam! Their brother?" He points at himself proudly. "Dad was always saying that God is good, and to trust in his power…awful bastard. God never seemed to be there when he was kicking the shit out of us. And He wasn't there when the voices told my dad to sacrifice us, was He?"

Maura's eyes widen.  
"But God is _Great!_" Adam says happily. "He's given me another chance to redeem myself. And when I feared I couldn't do it on my own? He brought me you. And I've made our new home the safest anyone can make anything. No one's going to take my brothers again. Let them try."

Maura looks away from him, trying to keep calm. "How have you protected us?"

Adam's grin widens. "If you don't leave, you won't ever have to find out," he says cryptically.

And now Maura is afraid. The gleam in Adam's eyes is different now. He shines with a kind of manic happiness that is more ferocious than friendly.

"Adam. Those boys aren't your brothers. They're not related to you."

Adam looks at her like she's crazy, and then, he laughs. "Oh they're my brothers. They're my brothers and my responsibility and I'm going to look after them. And you're going to help me." He advances on her, and she takes a step to the side, towards the kitchen table. "Forever."

She opens her mouth to speak again, but shuts it quickly, her eyes flicking to the window suddenly. Far away, almost non-existent but growing louder by the second, she can hear them.

And after a moment Adam looks around too.

Sirens.

Adam grabs her by the arm. "How?!" He breathes, and for a moment he looks panicked. But then his face slips back to serenity. "No matter. Let them come in the front, I can defend that myself. And if they try the back…well…" He pulls Maura after him into the kitchen, "I've been waiting to meet my maker for ten long years."

...

* * *

Frost and Jane are the first ones out of the car, then Korsak and then Rosario and Frankie.  
"Frankie, Frost, Korsak, this way. Rosario, take Butler around back. He's alone, but he's armed and volatile."

Jane feels her heart steady as they climb the porch steps. Maura is in there. Maura will have heard the sirens. She will know that Jane is coming for her. She steps back and lets Frost kick the door in. Her vision is sharp and clean and tuned for any movement at all. She waves Frost to the left and points Korsak to the stairs, halts Frankie at the door and takes the right.

"There are children here. Shoot second," She whispers, and gets three nods in return.

She enters the kitchen, her gun raised, eyes everywhere, stopping at last on the door to the basement. She moves towards it, her heart pounding.  
"Maura?"

"Jane!" the voice comes from behind her and she spins around. She doesn't see Adam leap from the closet, and she doesn't see the knife as he tackles her, sinking the blade deep into her bicep.

...

Maura watches Adam's knife sink into Jane's arm as if everything is slow motion. She watches the gun fall from Jane's hands to the floor as Adam yanks her back and throws her to the ground. Stunned and injured, the boy gains the upper hand over Jane almost immediately and he pulls the knife from her arm and raises it again, hand around Jane's throat, pinning her.

"You will not break up my family again. I won't LET YOU!" He bellows and he brings the knife down.

Maura hasn't felt herself moving. She doesn't feel Jane's gun in her hand, and she doesn't see anything as she lifts it into the air and points. She doesn't realize her hands are not shaking or that her breathing is coming easy and slow.

All she can see is Jane. Gone. Her wife. Gone. Her children's mother. Gone.

She aims the gun.  
Like a flashback, she sees Jane at the shooting range, lifting the gun to her face, her eyes going hard as she mouths words. And suddenly, Maura knows clearly what those words had been.

_Gone. Gone. Maura's gone. She's gone. _

_Get. Her. Back. _

Get. Her. Back.

Maura fires the gun.

One. Two.

Adam falls to the side….Dead.

...

And then Frost is there and Korsak and Frankie, and they are grabbing her. Pulling at her, yelling things that she cannot hear, and Frost is lifting Jane up, and their eyes meet. And Maura knows that Jane knows she has found her space.

And that their spaces are the same.

"The boys.." She manages. They're in the basement…" They are at the front door, on the porch steps, ten feet away from the house. Twenty. Maura wants to turn around. She has to get the boys.

"Let Rosario's team do it," Korsak is saying. "They're going in around the back."

The back…the back…these words take a moment to penetrate through Maura's foggy brain.

_I tripped the back entrance. This whole place will go up if anyone so much as sets foot here. So all we have to do is wait by the front._

She turns around, yelling. Screaming really, not words, just one panicked cry of warning. But she is too late.

With one enormous sound like a hundred cannons going off, The house erupts into flame.

...

* * *

"No!"

"Call the Fire Department!"

"Rosario!"

"Levi! Noah!" Maura turns and looks to where Jane is watching the burning house. Frost has a towel clamped tightly to her arm.

The flames lick through the windows like tongues. They are reflected in the detective's wide and terrified eyes.

She looks at Maura, and Maura knows what she's going to do before she does it. She can see the sentence circling round in her head.

_The boys. They're in the basement. _

The basement. There's still a chance.

And she's off. Running before Frost can tighten his grip on her, before Maura can shout to stop her. Running towards the burning building. No firearm, no mask, no vest.

Frost moves to go after her, but Korsak grabs him.  
"No, not you too," he yells.

It's Frankie that grabs Maura, holds her back and upright as Jane disappears behind the smoke.

Each second is like a year. And each crackle and spit of the fire is like the breaking of a bone. Maura wants to look away and cannot look away. She can hear the distant sound of the fire engines, but they might as well be coming from California.  
She thinks of the look that passed between them before she ran towards the building. It was one of understanding. Of such a deep connection, that it had made the doctor light headed. She had heard Jane as clearly as if she were speaking to her in her head.

_There's still a chance. _

_I have to._

_I love you. _

_I love you. _

And Jane was gone.

And Maura understood.

"C'MON, Janie," Frankie says next to her, speaking to no one. "_Come ON." _

...

And there she is. Maura cannot believe what she's seeing.

There _they _are. Coming up out of a skinny basement window, Noah, his blond hair plastered to his head and his clothes soaking wet…Levi, just as soaking, forced through the tiny window as though something is propelling him from behind. And something is.

Maura staggers forward, and Frankie doesn't try to stop her. He and Frost are running towards the children, kneeling down and calling them, picking them up and pulling them back. And Maura sees one, long fingered hand appear in the window frame. And she watches as Jane hauls her skinny body through the window and crawls away from the house.

Maura runs to her, falling to her knees in front of her, pulling the sooty, coughing bloody detective to her chest and squeezing tightly.

Jane wraps one hand around her. Long fingers finding the small of the doctor's back.

Green eyes look down to find brown ones, just slits, and very glassy.

"You got me back," She manages to wheeze. "You found your space. I saw it." And Maura pushes the dark hair off her wife's face, feeling her lose consciousness in her arms, hearing the alternate wails of the fire trucks and the ambulances as they roar up to the burning house.

She presses her lips to Jane's temple, feeling the heartbeat under her lips. Knowing it's going to be okay. They won. They've won

And then consciousness deserts her as well.

* * *

***phew!* crazy drams! let the healing and growing begin? Hope y'all are still with me and I didn't break you. These have been two very long chapters. But the good news? We're on the upswing, and the Rizzoli-Isles are all back together. and bigger than ever. **

**BNH, AE, thank you for your undying support. I love it. Jobee: I laughed out loud. You mean organic is not worth being abducted? Honorcpt. thank you! ah! anyfey, noble graces, kayla (you thought I would hurt MAURA? i would rather die. lol...but seriously.) **

**I love you guys and I love your reviews. to answer your questions about posting. If you'll read them I'm posting all the way up to christmas eve. then taking the eve and the day off. I usually wait to get a respectable number of views before posting a new chapter. because if no one's reading... I don't want to beat a dead horse, you know?**

**take care you guys. Lighter reading is on the way!**

**happy reading**

**tc**


	24. Chapter 24

Maura is sitting on the end of the hospital bed, her hands shaking. She clasps them together to keep them still, but her heart pounds loud and fast anyway. She knows that Jane is getting treated for smoke inhalation. she knows that Tommy has her children and they are safe and uninjured. She knows that the boys are dry and safe and upstairs on the pediatric ward.

She knows all of this.

But the world keeps shifting on her, panic clouding her rational mind.  
She has nothing to hold on to.

Tommy appears in the doorway, holding a small travel bag, and Maura jumps up. "Tommy? The girls, are they-" He hands her the canvas bag, shrugging when she looks at him, confused.

"A change of clothes," He says "I brought the girls, and I didn't think you'd want to see them looking like…" He hesitates glancing at her blood and grass stained outfit. When Maura doesn't speak, he shifts a little, looking nervous, "they're out in the waiting room with Frost. I know you have this rule about bringing them here but they really want to see you and I know you probably want to-"

Maura hugs him hard, taking the bag and turning to the bathroom. "Thank you, " she says in a rush. "Thank you, thank you."

It's nothing fancy, just jeans and a sweater, but when she pulls them on, shrugging out of her wet and bloody clothing, she feels instantly better, more grounded.

Tommy is waiting for her out in the hall and when she appears he points down the corridor to the small waiting room there.  
Maura follows his fingers, her eyes falling first of Frost, and then on the backs of her children. They are looking up at the young detective and he is telling them an animated story that has them enthralled. Maura feels herself make a sound like a whimper. She had blocked her children from her mind out of necessity, prioritizing and compartmentalizing like a pro. But now that they are so close, she cannot see anything but them. Frost looks up and sees her, and he stops his story immediately, saying something that makes both girls whip around, wide eyed.

"Mommy!"

The doctor cannot have her children in her arms fast enough. They nearly knock her over with their hug, but she doesn't care. She's laughing and crying at the same time, like her body can't decide on which emotion it feels more strongly.

"My sweet, sweet girls," She says as arms jockey for position, wrapping tighter around her. She looks up to thank Frost for watching them, but he has disappeared. She moves up and onto the little couch and the girls follow her immediately, like they are tied to her by some invisible rope. Isabelle presses herself so close to Maura it's as if she is trying to make them one person. Sofia has wrapped herself around Maura's arm and is holding onto it like it's the only thing that can save her.

"Where did you go, Mommy?" Isabelle's voice is resentful. "Why did you leave us?"

"Don't do that again," Sofia says quietly, her eyes searching her mother's face. "Mommy?"

Maura pulls them both closer. "I'm so sorry. I love you both so much, and I would never leave you unless I had to, okay? And I will always, _always_ come back."

Both girls seem to be satisfied with this, because they don't ask any more questions, they simply work on getting as close to her as possible.

"Did Mama come get you?" Maura realizes that she knows nothing about what happened after Adam had driven her away. She doesn't know how they found her, she doesn't know how long her children had to wait in the car or if they had to be dragged out by some unknown police officer.

"Of course Mama got them," a voice says, and all of them look up. Jane has come around the corner, Frost behind her, his arm outstretched, but not touching her. Invisible support.

Jane should be wearing a sling. Maura can tell by the way she holds her arm, and by the ace bandage that wraps around her bicep, but she's not. And when Isabelle launches herself off the couch towards her mother, Jane manages to catch her one armed, and pull her close, collapsing on the couch next to Maura, so close that she is almost on top of her.

Maura doesn't mind. She pulls Jane closer, wrapping her arm around her shoulder, pressing their foreheads together. Sofia and Isabelle lean forward too, pressing their heads to their parents, so that for a moment the little family looks like they are plotting, foreheads all pressed together in a little huddle, keeping out the rest of the world. And then Maura lets her head slip down to Jane's shoulder, and Sofia tucks herself in against the doctor. Jane pulls them closer as Isabelle rests her head on her chest, right against her heart.

They sit like that. Comforting and taking comfort. Maura kisses Jane's throat, feeling the detective relax into the couch.

Jane kisses the top of Maura's head, looking up at Barry who is backing away.  
"Thank you" she mouths, and he smiles, before turning and heading down the hallway.

...

* * *

"He hasn't said anything except to ask for you."

Jane runs her fingers through her hair. The girls are home with Angela and Maura and Jane are back at the hospital, on the pediatric ward.  
Jane glances in the window to where Levi sits cross legged on the bed, staring at the opposite wall, face hard like stone. Noah is asleep in the bed nearby, buffeted by pillows on all sides.

"He's asking for me?"

The hospital psychiatrist nods, "By name," She pauses and looks at the detective, frowning. "I understand you were the one who got the boys out of the house when it was on fire?"

Jane nods and Maura sees her tense.

"What happened down there?"

...

_The water is freezing cold and already up to her thighs when she steps off the bottom step down to the basement. She looks up at the broken plumbing, fractured in the explosion, water still surging out of at least three places. _

_"Levi?" she calls. "Noah?" _

_The only answers she gets is a whimper. _

_She wades around the corner and sees them both. Levi with Noah on his shoulders, the water to his waist and rising. _

_..._

"I grabbed them and I found a window, broke it and shoved them out," Jane says, and both Maura and the doctor know that this is barely a fraction of the story.

"You connected with him. Down there. Something you did." The Doctor says, "He wants to see you."

...

_"I'm Jane. I'm a police officer. And I'm going to get you out of here"_

_Levi had held Noah out to Jane, his arms trembling. "Take my brother. He's two and he can't swim. Save my brother."_

_And Jane had taken Noah, wrapping him around her back like a knapsack, telling him to hold on. And then, arm screaming in protest, she had picked levi up, and he had wrapped himself around her front tightly. She steps first on a bench and then a woodpile, eyes trained on the little window high above them. _

_"Both of you," she says, one hand on the back of Levi's head, the other hand, the good arm, straining for the window latch.  
"I'm taking both of you." _

_..._

Jane rolls her shoulders, but nods. "Okay. Is there anything I should do? I'm not a therapist…I-"

The doctor holds up her hands, "Levi has seen things that no child should ever have to see. He's been under enormous stress. Our main focus right now is to make him feel safe. That's all. You make him feel safe."

Jane looks at Maura, who smiles encouragingly. She nods again, pushing the door open. "okay."

Maura and the Doctor watch as Levi looks around when Jane enters, and although his face doesn't exactly light up, he does noticeably relax.

"We'll keep both of them here another day or so, and by then, hopefully, a relative or a close friend will be found to take-"

"They have no relatives," Maura says, cutting the other woman off as this piece of information comes back to her.

"When we were looking for them…Frost says it's just them." She looks over at the doctor, who nods.

"Well, let's hope for the best for them then," she says quietly, and Maura looks down at her hands. At how they have knotted together at her waist.

"Well, look at that," The Doctor's voice makes her look up, through the window of the door, to where Levi is laughing up at Jane as the detective tosses her head and pushes her hand out.

"not even two minutes."

Maura nod, smiling. "That's Jane," she says.

And in this case, nothing else needs to be said.

...

* * *

New Year's Eve. Frankie finds Maura holed up in the study, bent over a case file she's brought home from the precinct. The rest of the family is in the living room, watching to fireworks over the State House from the window. Levi and Noah are out there too, the littlest boy probably high atop Frost or Tommy's shoulders, his new favorite place to be.

It had seemed natural to offer to take the boys when they'd been discharged. Levi could not eat or sleep without Jane nearby, and Noah would not let anyone but Maura put him to bed. So they had come home with the women to Beacon Hill, where Sofia and Isabelle had warmed to them immediately.

Constance had called that morning to wish everyone a happy New Year, and when she'd heard about the case she'd gotten very quiet. (Maura hadn't meant to say anything…but something had made it fall out of her not even two minutes into the conversation. Maybe the way her mother called her "sweetheart" and seemed to genuinely mean it.)

"Mother?" Maura had said, when it seemed like the line had gone dead. "We're all fine. All of us. Even the man who tripped the explosion came off the respirator today."

Constance had heaved an impressive sigh. "Honestly. Why you chose a job that puts you in such danger, I will never know. I can barely sleep for thinking of all of the things that could happen to you."

Maura had burst into laughter.

"What, pray tell, is so funny?" her mother had asked huffily.

"Oh," Maura had tried to get control of herself. "Oh, God…nothing it's just…You sound just like Angela."

Maura started to laugh again, and Constance had joined in after a moment.

"I will take that as a compliment."

But now, Maura finds that the popping of the fireworks and the babble of her family makes her feel nervous and claustrophobic, and when she closes her eyes she sees Adam, his eyes wide and terrified as the squad cars had pulled up.

_You know why they're here, right? They're here to take my brothers away. But I won't let them._ _We won't let them._

She looks back down at the case file in front of her. The Cryer murders, ten, almost eleven years old, closed and forgotten, much like the eleven year old survivor.

Maura looks at the additional information she'd pulled that morning. Eleven foster homes in seven years, no actual therapeutic services until his diagnosis at twenty. Of course he had spent his life looking for his brothers.

He'd been looking for the last time he was happy.

"Hey, Doc. You alright?"

Maura looks up, and Frankie nods, "Stupid question. Of course you're not okay…Can I come in?"

"Yes," Maura goes to straighten up, but he waves her away, sitting down in an empty chair.

They sit for a moment, listening to the excited shrieks of Isabelle and Noah coming from the living room.

"The first time I shot a guy, I threw up immediately," Frankie says with a wry smile. "Seriously," he continues, when Maura looks doubtful, "Just, _bang_, blahhhh" Frankie mimes vomiting.

"All over my shoes."

Maura smiles fleetingly, but looks away. "He didn't deserve to die," she says, and her voice shakes a little bit. "I close my eyes and I see him…He was just a little boy that no one paid any attention to. Who watched his family die and wasn't able to save them."

"He was going to kill your wife."

Maura sighs, "He was scared. He didn't know from anything. His brain was feeding him false information," she looks up at Frankie desperately, "Does he deserve to die for his brain chemistry? For something he couldn't control?"

"Maura,"

"_We_ let him down, Frankie. Policemen, doctors, families. We let him down and then we shoot him? I…" she can barely get the words out, "I shot him."

Frankie reaches out and puts his hand on Maura's shoulder. "_You_ didn't let him down," he says quietly. "How many times have you told Jane that she's not a bad person for using her gun? That no one person makes criminals and that it's not all black and white?"

She looks up into his face, and he smiles at her. She wipes at her eyes.

"The first two people I shot…" Frankie hesitates, as though trying to decide if he wants to share this with her. She nods at him, wanting to know.

"I still visit their graves. Every year. One was just a kid. He was robbing a grocery to get money for his younger brother's tuition. I still check up on that kid, too."

Maura looks at him. "I never knew…"

"All cops have to find a way to deal with it, because it's going to happen. And if you don't deal with it, you end up like…McMurphy…or worse." He sighs. "I know for a fact that Jane knows the names and birthdays and the survivor's names of every life she's ever taken. And that she finds a way to make it up."

Maura nods, and Frankie shrugs a little. "What I'm saying, is that you have to find a way to reconcile yourself to this. What if you hadn't shot him and he'd taken Jane away from you?"

"No!" Maura says, the word slipping out involuntarily. For a moment she sees Jane on her back, and Adam, eyes wide with terror and fury, positioning the knife above her heart, lifting it high so as to bring it down with enough force. Frankie nods, understanding.

"You have to find a way to reconcile _that _feeling," he says pointing, "with the life you took. You _have_ to, or it will eat at you."

Levi appears at the door, his excitement turning to shyness as he knocks softly on the door frame. "Um..Dr. Isles?"

Maura grins at Frankie, "Maura, Levi," she says softly, "My name is Maura." Although he has no trouble calling Jane by her first name, he seems nervous to drop formalities with Maura, as though afraid she will disapprove.

"mm. okay," he says now, and he glances up at her smile, his own grin tugging at his lips.

"What is it, honey?"

"Jane says to ask you if it's okay if me and Sofia can have the slides for her microscope?"

"Of course," Maura stands to reach the little box on the shelf, and Frankie stands too, patting her on the shoulder as he leaves.

"bugs, plants, or miscellaneous organic matter?" She asks the little boy.

He chews his lip. "organic matter," he says after a second, "It's the coolest."

Maura nods approvingly, handing him the little box of slides.

"I definitely think so too."

...

* * *

Maura kneels down by Adam's gravestone. She'd paid for it, and had it engraved, and then, after countless hours on the internet and at the State House going through records, she was able to make sure he's buried with his family. She'd been unable to bear the alternative; a forgotten boy somewhere, alone in a forgotten grave.

_Adam Cryer_

_April 7__th__ 1998- December 29__th__ 2019_

_Now hear, you blissful powers underground -  
answer the call, send help.  
Bless the children, give them triumph now_

She lays the flowers down on the frozen ground, sighing. "I didn't want you to die," she says quietly. "I didn't want to kill you."

She pauses, trying to find the words to express herself, but nothing comes. She looks up to where Jane is standing watching Isabelle and Noah weave in and out of the markers, calling to each other. Giggling madly. Levi stands next to her, his hand holding onto Jane's, and even from this distance, Maura knows he is holding on tightly. He has barely let the detective out of his sight in the past forty eight hours.

Maura looks back down at the head stone. She doesn't feel like crying, Levi's death does not make her that kind of sad. She feels a sort of hollow ache for a life that was cut short. For a mind that no one could reach or understand. That was tortured for so long.

"Mommy?" She hasn't heard Sofia approach and she jumps a little as the girl puts her hand on her shoulder. Maura looks up into her daughter's nervous face. "I'm sorry, Mommy," Sofia whispers.

Maura puts her hands on either side of her daughter's face.  
"Why are you sorry, honey? You did nothing wrong."

Sofia bites her lip, "I tried to sneak fruit roll ups. I'm sorry you went away," She says.

Maura sits back on her heels so she can pull Sofia into her arms. "Listen to me," she says into the child's hair. "Are you listening?"

A nod.

"I did not have to go away because of anything you did. Nothing you do, nothing you or your sister does could ever make me go away, okay?" She pulls Sofia away to look into her eyes, so like Jane's.

She stands and reaches down for her daughter, lifting her to her hip, hugging her again. She is too big, Maura realizes, and it won't be long before she can't carry her at all. But Sofia helps her by wrapping her long limbs around her mother and holding on.

"Mommy?"  
"Yes, darling."  
"Can Levi stay over again? And Noah?"

Maura smiles, "You like them?"

Sofia nods against her mother's shoulder, "Yes. Can they stay over again? Levi knows magic tricks."

Maura looks up to where Jane has picked Noah up and turned towards her.

She looks back down at the headstone, putting Sofia down. "Go to Mama," she says, "I'll be there in a second." And she watches her little dark haired girl run towards her mother and siblings.

Her siblings.

Maura already knows that Levi and Noah belong nowhere but with them.

"I'm sorry, Adam." She says softly, lowering her eyes, squatting back down to look at the headstone one more time. "I'm sorry that you got lost and no one came looking for you. I'm sorry that I had to protect against you instead of fighting for you. But I'm going to look after your brothers. I'm going to keep them safe for you. I promise." She feels Jane behind her and smiles sadly. "I hope that you've found some kind of peace, Sweet boy. I hope you're alright, and safe now."

She stands upright, sighing when Jane slips her arm around her waist. "He is," Jane says in her ear, and she nods, looking up to where Jane has left their children on the sidewalk, waiting.

Levi holds the hand of both Isabelle and Sofia, and Noah hangs off Isabelle's arm, smiling up at her. Levi is watching Jane.

Their children.

"Ready?"

Maura turns to Jane, about to say that she wants the boys. That she doesn't want them to go anywhere else. But Jane's expression tells her that she doesn't have to do any convincing at all.

Maura smiles. "Yes. I'm ready."

Jane smiles, "Okay, lovelies," she calls and four heads turn to look at her. "Time to go home."

Jane squeezes Maura's waist, watching the children as they streak towards parking lot.

Maura lays her head on Jane's shoulder as they walk, but snaps it up suddenly as something dawns on her.

"Oh, Jane," she says, watching as Levi opens the back of their SUV and turns to lift Noah up.

"We are going to need a bigger car."

* * *

**Ximebeach(as a guest) made a really good point that Adam was not all evil. Definitely not. I don't write any of my characters as completely evil. Not even Frank. I wanted Levi and Noah to be orphaned, but I also wanted them to be loved. Hurt but not irreparably. And With this I tried to give Maura closure and Adam a history. He's not just a killer. He's a person. All killers are. **

**Anyway. I hope you like it and I hope i didn't offend anyone too much. That story arc is over now and we're about to move into the adjustment phase. Sure, Sofia and Isabelle like the boys now...but what about when they're going to stay forever? Also...Leah makes an appearance (and causes as stir) in this next chapter...horray? **

**saz, cstar, anyfey, julez, nikki, heatwave, ravenstrinity, youthink, honorcpt, sandy ford, jmpack, fireyblue, scuie90, fergz, sashaelizabeth, AtUFrEdDiE, luvreading, Pious, trblake, boo**

**Jobee, davis, Bnh. AE and FA**

**Thank you. Thank you thank you. over 600 comments. I'm dying.**

**Honestly, you magnificent f*ckers. I read my comments and all I want to do is swear at all of you like repeatedly. You're all so effing nice and wonderful and...and...and. I cannot believe that you come back time after time. I love these characters and I love that you love them too. It's wonderful and gratifying and...god. F*ck you guys. in the best way. seriously. *shakes head* **

**For those of you holding off (no one, by the looks of it) you can go read the One Shot Double It, if you are so inclined.  
For those who were confused...it is a snap shot of the future with Levi and Noah...This fic won't get that far...  
**

**For those wondering...no Hope. I like her, but I can't fit her. And I LOVE Constance and want her to be Maura's mother...they're gonna have some great bonding time over the topic of adoption. So unless there is a revolt (...) no Hope. **

**Oh god look at me rambling.  
New Chap tonight or tomorrow AM. **

**happy reading!**

**tc**


	25. Chapter 25

They pull up to the little house in the middle of the day. Maura looks at Levi in the rearview mirror as the little boy looks out at his old home. It looks like a perfectly normal place on the corner of a perfectly normal block. There is nothing to suggest that a double murder and kidnapping happened here just under a month ago.

"You ready, Levi?" she asks quietly, and two blue eyes find hers in the mirror. "If you want to wait longer, we will under-"

"Is Jane here yet?" He cuts her off like he's not listening and then seems to remember his manners, "Sorry," he says, quickly "I didn't mean to-"

But Maura waves him away, pointing at Jane's cruiser parked a little ways in front of them. "She's here. That's her car right there. I bet she and the girls are inside." Maura watches as Levi nods, looking comforted.

Something happened between her wife and this boy in the flooded basement in Revere. Maura knows it's something more than the two sentence explanation Jane had given at the hospital, and even something more than the version she had given Maura a couple of days late. Although she is practically itching with curiosity, Maura does not press either of them, knowing that one or the other will talk when ready.

They are here to pick up Levi and Noah's things, clothes books toys, _anything you want to bring with you to Beacon Hill._

"Maura?"

"Yes, Honey."

"Is mom and dad in there?" When she meets his eyes in the mirror again, she knows he is not asking about whether or not they are alive, but about whether or not their bodies are there.

Noah looks up from his car seat happily. "Mommydad?" he says looking out the window expectantly.

Maura takes a breath. "No. They're not in there."

Noah's face falls, but he doesn't say anything.

Levi looks back at the front door, nodding and then his face cracks into a grin as it opens and Jane appears, holding tight to Sofia's hand.

He looks at Maura, who nods, before he unbuckles his seatbelt and jumps out of the car.

"Look, Noah, She says, turning off the ignition. "Who's that?!"  
Noah looks around, and he smiles widely. "Jay!"

Maura smiles, nodding. "That's right, Little man! Let's go see!" She opens her door as Noah wiggles excitedly in his seat.

It would be fairly easy to get Noah to call her "Mommy" and Jane "Mama," but both women have decided against it until they are officially named parents, and even then they want to leave it up to the children.

This return to the crime scene, to the Owens' house, had been Jane's idea.

She'd suggested that Noah and Levi could go and get some items from the house if they wanted, and Levi at least had jumped at the opportunity, his rare smile lighting up his face.

"Are you sure it's a good idea?" Maura had asked her in bed that night.

"They lost their parents Maur…but they don't have to lose the memories, right? We can get them pictures and their toys and stuff…That would probably be good for them, right?"

And Maura had kissed her. Hoping that was enough of an answer.

Sofia follows Levi through the house, keeping her distance like she seems to understand that he is doing something important. Isabelle stays with Jane in the front hall, looking all around.

"Why are we here, Mama?" she asks, whispering, just in case.

Jane watches Levi and Sofia out of sight. "We are here to pick up a few of Levi and Noah's things so that they can feel more comfortable with us.

Isabelle looks to Noah in Maura's arms, and Maura sees the wheels turning."Are they gonna stay with us for a long time?"

Jane glances at Maura. "Yes." She says finally. "They are."

Isabelle chews her lip, but does not ask any more questions.

"I'm going to go see how he's doing in there. Iz, you want to come with me?"

Isabelle shakes her head, dropping her mother's hand and moving to Maura. "Mommy, pick me up," she says.

"Bella, you're a big girl," Maura begins but Isabelle cuts her off.

"I want you to _hold_ me."

Jane glances over her shoulder to look at Maura who gives her a meaningful look. Two sets of arms. Four children.

_It begins. _

Jane sighs and pushes open the door of the bedroom where Noah and levi slept.

Levi is sitting on the bottom bunk, his face is tear streaked. He has not seen the detective yet. Jane goes to comfort him, to tell him they can come back, but then her eyes fall on Sofia, who is standing in the middle of the room, in front of a pile of clothes and a duffel bag.

As Jane watches, she holds up a striped t-shirt.

Levi nods once, and Fia drops it into the bag. She reaches down and picks up a pair of tan pants.

Levi shakes his head and Sofia throws it aside, bending down again.

Jane watches astounded, until Levi says, "I don't want any more of that stuff." And Sofia nods, looking around the room.

"This self now," she says, struggling to drag the duffel bag to a shelf where lots of the boys toys reside. She picks up a model airplane and shows him.

"Daddy made that for me," Levi says, his voice straining against tears, and without skipping a beat, Sofia crosses the room and hands it to him. She doesn't linger near him, just turns back to the shelf and hold up another toy.

Levi shakes his head.

Jane turns away, walking back down the hall.

Maura is sitting on the couch with Isabelle and Noah tucked into her side, and she looks up at Jane as she appears.

"How are they doing?"

Jane glances over her shoulder, and looks back at Maura, smiling.

"Perfect."

* * *

...

Wednesday. No cases have come in and they are not on call. Maura carries Noah up the front walk from the car, reaching for the mail with one hand and holding tight to the baby with the other. Both Sofia and Isabelle had been clingy infants. Not in the sense that they wanted to be held all the time, but in the way that when anyone picked them up, they held on like leeches. Noah seems blandly disinterested in holding tight to Jane or Maura, and he makes little effort to hang on when Maura needs both her hands. But he wants to be held all the time. Maura sighs, trying to ease her keys out of her opposite pocket with one hand.

She sets Noah down on the floor in the entry hall as she flips through the mail, making her way to the kitchen. Noah toddles after her quickly, intent on keeping her in his line of sight.

"Up, Momo, Up!" He says catching up to her as she pauses at the kitchen counter, setting Jane's mail aside. He has not yet mastered the syllables of her name, and Maura smiles as she bends to lift him again. Maura's arms are tired, she is out of practice at holding on to a child so much, and this child feels different in her arms. Like a shoe that someone else has worn.

"We'll grow into each other, won't we Noah," she says quietly, bouncing him up and down to make him smile. "We'll get used to holding and being held by something different. Won't we?"

He giggles, "yeah!"

She smiles and presses the flashing button on her answering machine. Why they have an answering machine still is beyond her, absolutely no one important uses their home phone. She frowns as an unfamiliar voice floats out of the little box.

"Hey, Jane, it's Leah…McCarthy," Maura stares at the answering machine, frown deepening, Noah sees where she's looking and turns his head too, trying to make his eyebrows contract like Maura's.

"who?" he asks, Maura shushes him.

"It was really good to see you yesterday, however briefly. We didn't get to catch up nearly as much as I wanted to…" There is a pause, and several things are happening in Maura's chest that she cannot name, but the one thing she can makes her breathless with anger. _Jane saw Leah and didn't tell me._

"So…Anyway, I think you might be at the precinct, which is where I'm heading…So maybe I'll catch you there. And If I don't catch you there, definitely give me a call…you have my number…It's been way too long…By Jane."

"Bye!"Noah says cheerfully, and Maura looks at him, feeling like the room has gotten much, much warmer.

She sets Noah on the kitchen counter and leans against it, trying to control her breathing. Her first thought is that she should go to the precinct. Jane is there with Levi, picking up a few things before swinging by to get the girls from daycare and come home.

Maura's second thought is to erase the message and wait for her wife and time how long it takes Jane to mention that she ran into her ex-girlfriend.

She looks at Noah, swinging his legs idly over the counter, looking at his fingers.

"Noah. Do you want to go see Jane and Levi?"

Noah brightens immediately, nodding "Jay? Brothah?"

Maura nods and Noah reaches out for her as she grabs her coat again. That is all the convincing she needs.

...

Maura would know Leah McCarthy anywhere, and as she rounds the corner and heads into the bullpen, she feels her stomach tighten. Jane is leaning against her desk, speaking to a tall skinny blonde woman who is leaning in to catch Jane's words like they're the most interesting thing she's ever heard.

"Oh, my Gosh, that is so amazing!" Maura hears the woman say, and she feels her face get hot. She stands in the entry way, torn. Wanting to watch her wife interact with this woman, the most important relationship she had while Maura was gone, and also afraid of what might happen if she does not intervene. Leah's body language makes Maura seethe with anger. She leans towards Jane with a clear and singular purpose. To get to her.

Maura glances at Jane's coolly impassive face, watching her wife's brown eyes sweep the woman in front of her, like she's looking for something.

"Jay!" Noah has spotted her and calls out, making the detective turn and look around. She smiles when she sees Noah, but then she sees Maura's expression and she goes a little pale.

Noah wiggles and Maura lets him down. Following him on only slightly more stable legs.

"Jay!" the detective scoops the little boy up in her arms, planting a big wet kiss on his neck. He squeals in delight. Leah is looking at Maura, frowning slightly, like she's a mild inconvenience and not Jane's _wife_.

"Maur," Jane says, and if she's surprised to see the medical examiner, she doesn't say. Maura leans in to kiss her, and Jane answers the way she always does. Maura slips her hand around Jane's waist, turning to look at Leah. She smiles sweetly.

Leah raises her eyebrows slightly. "Leah, this is Maura," Jane says.  
"Maur, this is Leah McCarthy, she just transferred back to Boston from Seattle."

"mm," Maura says non commitally "Honey, where is Levi?"

Jane hides a surprised smile at the pet name behind a flick of her head. "Frost took him to see some weird digital, something…" she says.

Maura turns back to Leah, who fixes her face quickly to one of pleasant interest. "How do you know Jane? Did you two go to the Academy together?"

She sees Jane's face work on staying blank out of the corner of her eye. Maura knows exactly who Leah is. They have no secrets from each other.

Leah looks a little bit sour as she responds, "No…Jane and I lived together…For a while, actually," She appraises Maura for half a second, and Maura reads her easily. She still wants Jane. "You've been all over Europe, Jane tells me. I can't imagine all the wonderful things you…did."

Maura narrows her eyes a bit, and unbidden, the image of Jane with her arms wrapped around this woman comes to her. She swallows.

"It's lovely, but it doesn't compare," she says, and there must be something in her voice, because Jane squeezes her, standing up a little straighter.

"Maura is the best Medical Examiner Boston has ever had," she says, and her voice is casually inflected to suggest that she's the best at other things too.

Leah's blush is fast and complete, but she bites her lip and looks at Jane, reaching out to tickle Noah's chubby leg. "Seattle's squad is pretty great too. I learned a ton out there."

Maura gathers herself, suddenly loving her big brain. "Seattle has almost 23% less crime than Boston does," she says, finding her brightest smile, leaning forward to take Noah from Jane's arms, placing a kiss on her wife's cheek. "So I'm sure there was plenty of time for low stress training and running scenarios." She smiles at Jane, who honestly cannot hide her shock now. "I'm going to go look for Levi. You almost ready?"

Jane nods dumbly, and Maura can feel her eyes on her as she walks away. Jane's eyes. On her.

Right where they should be.

...

* * *

"Was she ever this good?" Maura's hand works her wife expertly. Jane's eyes open wide and she looks up at Maura, her face half shocked half hazy with pleasure. As soon as everyone was down, Maura had wasted no time in pushing Jane down on the bed and stripping her. She feels the need to put her mouth on every part of her, reclaim her.

Jane had made no protest, letting Maura press her back against the pillows and work her up, moaning quietly as the doctor had entered her, finally.

"n-no," Jane stammers, her eyes shutting tight as Maura changes her rhythm, pulling a low growly moan from the brunette.

"She could never make you feel like this," Maura says, watching Jane flush, her head rolling back and forth, shaking no. "n-ever" she says her breath catching as Maura adds a finger. "no one," she manages, rolling her hips against Maura's hand, "no one but oh, God…Maura."

It's one of her favorite parts of this position, watching every part of her wife come undone so completely. She feels powerful and loved and strong. She bends to kiss Jane's shoulder, her fingers moving faster, harder, pulling Jane closer to the edge. Demanding that she meet Maura there. The brunette groans underneath her and her muscles flutter. "You're mine," Maura whispers, and Jane nods, wrapping a leg up and around Maura's waist. "No one else's

"I hate how she was looking at you. I hate that she had you…still wants you…Not that I blame her…But _I _want you. _I _get you…You're mine," The more she says it the more possessive and aroused she feels, and she bites down hard on Jane's shoulder, moaning as her wife cries out softly, fingers scratching at her back. "God, you're beautiful… And you're perfect, and I love you. I love you so much, Jane."  
Maura pulls back, wanting to look down at her when she comes. Want to see the emotions pass over Jane's face.

She's crying.

Jane has shuddered beneath her with what Maura assumed was the beginning of her release, but when Maura looks down, she is crying big gasping tears, even as her back arches up against Maura's fingers and she begins to tighten and fall into her orgasm.

"Jane!" Maura tries to stop, tries to hold back, but even as she pulls out, even as she stops her own hips moving, she realizes that it's too late for both of them. "Oh," she says, her head falling onto Jane's shoulder beneath her as her climax hits her. "Oh, no, Oh, God _Jane,_" she hisses and her hips buck once against her wife, even as she tries to suppress the feeling. They cling to each other hard, pressed against each other by the strength of their release. And then Jane's muscles finally relax, and she falls back against the pillows, still heaving, tears still slipping down her face. Maura presses in against her side and they lie together, Maura running her hands through Jane's hair as the taller woman curls into her, trying to control her tears.

"Talk to me," Maura says, her free hand rubbing up and down Jane's back. "Jane. Did I hurt you? Honey, talk to me, tell me what it is. I'm so sorry, I."

"I love you so much," Jane's voice is muffled against Maura's chest.

Maura pulls her tighter, "I love you too. I'm sorry. Are you hurt, Jane?" Maura pushes Jane's head gently so she can look into watery chocolate eyes. She feels her chest tighten in panic. Not only does Jane look like she's in pain, she looks scared too. Scared of Maura?

"Oh, God," Maura says, and her hands move to cup Jane's face, to pull it towards her kiss the lips, the side of the mouth, the high, beautiful cheek bones, still wet with tears.

"Jane. I'm so sorry. I-"

"I don't deserve you," the whisper is low and harsh.

Maura looks down at Jane, too startled to even hold on tighter as Jane swings her feet up and out of the bed, reaching for her shirt.

"What?"  
"I don't deserve this. Any of this." Jane says, and she's pulling on her sweats as Maura stumbles out of bed, looking around for the robe she'd discarded hours earlier. "Jane, honey, wait…_wait!_"

Jane stops half way to the door.

"this… this is about Leah? Because, baby I know you would never do anything. I just...got jealous." the admission makes her blush all over again.

Jane sighs, not turning around.

"She didn't care about me. Not really. She liked that I was good at my job, because it made her look good by association. She liked that I was totally whipped. That I was terrified enough that she would leave to do whatever she wanted…I" Jane runs her hand through her hair, and tears are in her eyes again. "Why did she have to come back now?" She looks at Maura like she might have the answer, "I let you down. I let you down and I-I promised Levi that…and I can't possibly keep it." She shudders again. "And she's back to show me exactly what I-"

Maura grabs at Jane, pulling her close, shaking her head back and forth, trying to pick one of the thousand things in her head right now that she wants to say. It's not about Leah. It's not even about their sex. Not really.

"You didn't let me down, pretty girl, you could never let me down. Why would you say-"

"I didn't get to you. I didn't protect you. I told Levi that I was good at that sort of thing. But I couldn't protect you from that boy. I couldn't protect you from knowing what it's like to pull the trigger and watch the life go from someone's…" Jane looks away. Maura traces her jaw with her hand.

"I know what you think of, when you go out to do your job. I know what keeps you so steady," Maura says softly.

Jane looks at her. Maura smiles.

"You think of me being gone, don't you? You imagine me leaving you?"

Jane sniffs, "It's an old trick," she says after a moment, "It just happens to work really well for me."

"what does?"

Jane looks at her, and then takes a shaky breath.

"You find what matters most. You find it and you hold onto it and let it fill you," Jane's face flashes bright as a car swings around the curve outside. "And then you lose it. You imagine it gone or lost or shot" with no gun in her hand, with no suspect threatening, Jane's voice breaks as she pictures it.

Maura holds onto her tighter, knowing what is playing through her mind, and how it feels.

"And then," Jane's voice gets a little stronger, "You go and take it back."

Maura nods. She knows.

"With Leah, I could be fickle because she was fickle. Not come home because she wasn't always home. Walk out on her when she cheated because she walked out on me when Tommy got put away."

Maura grits her teeth, hating.

"But you. You and those girls…and now those two little boys. You're what matters most. You are the things in my life that I can't…" Jane clenches her jaw, She looks at Maura "I thought you were gone. She says quietly. When I got to that car and found our children. I thought I was going to walk around the side of it and see you…" Jane pulls away from Maura and leans against the window sill, and her muscles ripple with the effort of keeping it together. Maura thinks that she will never see anything as beautiful or as devastating as Jane at war with herself. "And when I saw Leah, I thought…My first thought was…I belong with her because I could die on the job and she might not even know for a couple days. And how did I stumble into…" She turns and looks at Maura, then away like the sight hurts her eyes, "I don't deserve this."

"Jane." She says, gently, but firmly enough that the brunette looks around. "Come here."

Jane does and Maura feels her heart beating hard in her chest. She looks up at her wife. Her protector and her confidant and the best friend she's ever had.

"We should not work," she says quietly. "We should not be as successful or lucky or as together as we are. Statistically speaking, I should be at you all the time and you should be tired and defeated by now. It happens the majority of the time. In couples that work together."

Jane kisses her forehead, "Did you just make me the man?"

Maura smiles, "Yes. Now listen, because I am a doctor." Jane chuckles, "We shouldn't work. But we do." She squeezes Jane. "Honey, we…You and I are the best team. Everywhere. Period. There is nothing I wouldn't face with you. And no challenge I wouldn't take on with you. We're about to take on two more kids…if that doesn't tell you something about my commitment, then I don't know what will."

Jane opens her mouth to speak, but Maura forestalls it.

"I was wrong," she says quietly, and Jane stares. "When I asked you, all those times, at the beginnings of all those cases to keep me safe?" She feels Jane tense, "I was wrong. It's not what I should have been saying."

She pulls Jane towards her and kisses her softly, feeling the taller woman relax against her. "what should you have been saying?" Jane asks as she pulls away.

Maura leans her forehead against Jane's.

"I should have said: Remember that you are loved. Remember that you are what matters most to me. to our girls," she pauses, "To Levi."

Maura squeezes Jane, placing one kiss to the woman's collarbone.  
"I should have said… remember that you deserve this. And protect it."

Jane almost melts against her, and Maura slips her hand to the base of the brunette's skull. holding on.

"Maur,"  
"Jane."

"I want to go check on our children."

Maura smiles, pulling away. No one has made any sound, but she understands Jane's need to put eyes on them. she tightens her robe and takes Jane's hand.

"let's go."

* * *

**okay. so first let me apologize for how late this is. I'm not going to spoil last night's episode for you if you haven't seen it, but let me just say that it broke me. Like literally broke me to the point where I was like...WHY SHOULD I WRITE THIS STUPID FANFIC IF JTAM IS GOING TO DO SHIT LIKE THAT. oh god, maura. my sweet beautiful maura...guys...PM me about it if you feel strongly (don't review with a spoiler please)...i can't even. **

**anyway...I'm back after my weird existential crisis. and here is a long ass (possibly really bad) chapter. Let me answer your question right now. Leah's not gone...no way. she's not a quitter. Even if Maura did verbally bitchslap her several times. **

**Once again, your reviews have also reduced me to a crying lump of gratitude. There's so many of you. and you're all so nice. honestly. We are half way done now, friends. can you believe it? (yes, that means that there will be 25 more.) **

**No hope. I'm sorry, but I can't. I love the Constance I've made. She just got back in Maura's life, and she's gonna have the biggest test coming up. So...No hope. To the guest who asked if we would get to see more of jane and Levi in the basement...um...yes. I'm just saving it for emotional reasons. lol.  
BNH, jobee, davis, AE, fuzzysandwitch, jmpack, ireallyneedalife, rizzyandizzy, maygan, gemsofodin, anniemj, islandlover, THANK YOU. so much. **

**you don't know what your reviews mean. **

**honestly. **

**happy reading!**

**t.c.**


	26. Chapter 26

Jane takes a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. She looks down at the little boys sitting between them.

"We want you and Noah to live here. With us."

Levi nods, looking a little confused. "Okay..." he says quietly, "Um...what is the big important talk?"

Jane looks at Maura and then back at Levi, "That's it, buddy, we want you to be an official part of our family. Maura and I want to adopt you and Noah."

Levi's face changes as realization dawns on him, and both women can see each and every question clearly as emotions chase each other across the tiny features. Jane puts her hand on his shoulder, "We're not trying to take the place of your mom and dad," she says quietly, "But Maura and I love you, and your brother very much. And if you want, we'd love for this to be your home."

Levi looks between Maura and Jane, and Maura thinks she can hear his brain whirring.

"I have a choice?" He says finally.

Jane nods, "Of course you do. Maura and I want you to be happy. If you say you don't want to stay here with us we would help you find a really good family that loved you too." Maura watches the way Jane keeps her voice light and casual, how it's almost impossible to tell how much this would hurt her.

"Would you be sad if I went away?"

Jane looks at Maura, her eyes wide.

"Yes," Maura says, and Levi turns his head to look at her. "We would miss you very much."

Levi looks back at Jane, who nods. She's been rubbing his back this whole time, and now he leans into her a little, looking down at his fingers.

"Me and Noah could live here?"

"Yes," Jane says.

"Forever?"

"Yes," Maura says, and his bright blue eyes look up at her, studious. She lets him search her face, wondering what he is looking for. She offers him a smile which he does not return.

"What would I have to call you?"

"You wouldn't _have_ to call us anything," Jane says quickly. "You can call us Jane and Maura…Detective and Doctor," she nudges him, smiling, "hey you and whatsherface," he smiles a little at this.

"Sofia calls you Mommy," he says looking up at Maura, "and you Mama."  
Maura nods, surprised that he has noticed this. "That's right. You could call us that too, but we would never make you." Maura is just wondering how much he understands about her and Jane when he says, "Brayden at school has two mothers."

Jane opens her mouth to speak and then seems to change her mind, shutting it again, looking torn.

"Would I have to change schools?"

"No," Maura says quickly, "You can go back to your school whenever you and your therapist decide that you're ready."

He nods, thinking, leaning against Jane and looking at nothing. Jane shifts after a moment, "You don't have to decide anything tonight okay, honey? You can think about-" but Levi turns to look at her, surprised.

"I don't have to think anything," he says, looking perplexed.

"I don't want to go anywhere else."

Jane looks at Maura like its Christmas all over again.

* * *

They are in the soup aisle, Maura and Levi, when Levi has a panic attack. It's not the first one he's ever had, but it is the first one that Jane has not been present for. Carefully, as the weeks have progressed, and with the help of Levi's therapist, they've compiled a shaky list of things that will set him off. All four females in the house know not to bang things around, or crash down the stairs, or make pretend guns out of anything. Jane moves the gun safe from the back hall to the front closet and none of her work outfit makes it farther into the house than that.  
And at home, it is clear that Levi feels safe.

Unfortunately the stock boy in the aisle ahead of them is not nearly as sensitive. He is pricing cans of Campbell's and he holds the price gun like it's real, clearly trying to entertain himself.

"Gotcha," he says and the price gun makes a click.

Levi's whole body goes rigid. In the time it takes Maura to understand what is happening, the little boy has turned around, away from the scene and covered his face with his hands.

"Mommy," he whispers, and he starts to hyperventilate.

Maura just manages to keep the curse words inside her mouth. "Hey," she says gently, and it is not lost on her that Levi has not called her Maura. "Hey," she says again, and the little boy peeks out from between his fingers.

"Levi," Maura bends down to look in his eyes but they are glassy, panicked, and Maura watches his breathing speed up even more.

"Levi, honey, look at me. Look at me. You're okay."

She is afraid to touch him for fear of jolting him too quickly out of his flashback. His brother and Jane are the only ones he has voluntarily touched so far. She bites her lip.

"Levi, no one is going to hurt you. You're okay," She says, and his eyes slide over her face slowly, like he's scanning her.

"Ma'am, you're blocking the aisle," A large lady with a shopping cart full of frozen pizzas is standing behind her.

Maura ignores her, keeping her eyes trained on the little boy in front of her.

"Levi," she says, and he blinks, his expression clearing a little bit.

"_Ma'am," _The woman behind her says again, and Maura signals over her shoulder, holding one finger up, asking for a moment.

The woman behind her huffs loudly, and pushes her cart forward, knocking it against Maura's with a decent amount of force.

Levi flinches and whimpers and Maura feels fury boil over inside of her. She spins around.

"I am _talking_ to my son. Are you suffering cataracts from your obviously high cholesterol or do you not see that he's having a bit of trouble with something. Now, if the size of your cart and your body mass will allow it, you can turn and choose a different aisle to walk down, or if you are so inclined, you can wait just one more moment, but those are the only options open to you at this time."

Maura does not wait for a response, nor does she really register the shocked look on the woman's face. She turns back to Levi, who is looking up at her with focused, wide blue eyes.

"Levi?"

The boy seems to shake himself, like Maura's outburst has brought him back to reality. "I'm okay."

She lets out a breath. "Are you sure?"

He surveys her carefully, as though he wants to ask her a lot of questions, but cannot quite manage it. "Yes. I'm sorry."

"No, honey, don't apologize." She wants to hug him, he's so skinny and earnest, but she doesn't think that now is the time. Suddenly she doesn't want to shop anymore. She turns away, abandoning her cart in the middle of the aisle, motioning to him. "Let's go."

She heads towards the door, and he follows, looking apologetic, "But you didn't get anything we needed."

Maura gives him an "it doesn't matter shrug" and smiles down at him. "We can make Jane do it tomorrow night."

"Jane hates shopping," Levi says.

Maura grins, "I know."

For a moment, he's silent, and she's worried that she's said the wrong thing, that he'll take her comment the wrong way. But then Levi smiles back. A real, genuine, conspiratorial grin that makes Maura feel like she's won a prize, and on the way out of the supermarket, as the automatic doors woosh open onto the frigid morning. Levi slips his hand into hers.

She helps him into the car before getting in and starting the ignition. She is just about to pull out of the space when Levi speaks again.

"I thought you were a dream," He says quietly. Maura looks at him in the rearview mirror, shoulders slumped a little, eyes trained out the window.

"You thought I was a dream?" Maura repeats, not quite sure what he's talking about, but hoping he will continue.

Levi nods. "In the basement. You came and you helped Noah and me and then when I woke up…" He trails off, glancing up at her and then away again. "I was scared."

"Oh," Maura says, understanding. Here, finally, is a possible reason for his distance. "Oh! Levi, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to disappear like that... I-I wanted to keep Adam from coming back down and possibly hurting you again," she says.

"Do you think that this is a dream?"

"What's happening right now?" Maura looks at him, confused.

"Yeah."

Maura puts the car back in park and spins in her seat so she can look at him directly. She waits for him to return her gaze and, after a minute or so of silence, he does.

"Are you afraid you're going to wake up back in the basement, sweetheart?"

Levi regards her for a second, and Maura knows that he's deciding whether or not he can trust her. For the past six weeks, he has relied almost solely on Jane for comfort. He would have a nightmare, waking himself up silently, or more often than not, with a cry that echoed down the hall, and they would hear his feet on the hardwood floor for a moment before their bedroom door creaked open.

"_Jane_?" he would whisper, and her wife would already be getting out of bed, pressing a kiss to whatever part of Maura happened to be closest to her at the moment.

But now it is just them. Jane is at the precinct, called in for an interrogation on a case that is not hers.

"What if I wake up and you disappear. And it's just us and Adam?"

Maura shakes her head. "That won't happen," she says firmly. "You are safe now."

They are silent for a long time. And just when Maura thinks she should turn on the engine and start to back out again, Levi opens his mouth.

"Maura?"

She does not let her face register how sad she is that he hasn't said 'mommy' again.

"Yes darling,"

"You called me your son."

Maura is caught off guard by this, and she tries to think back...She'd been flustered and that lady had been so rude and...

"Yes. I did." She can think of nothing else to say. It had slipped out, but it had felt as natural as if she were calling Isabelle or Sofia her daughter.

Levi looks at her for a moment and then leans back in his seat. He nods almost imperceptibly, and his little shoulders relax. "Okay," he says, and Maura turns back around in her seat, turning the key in the ignition, smiling.

"Okay."

* * *

...

"We're going to keep them?"

"They are not dogs like Jo, Sofia," Maura says gently, "but yes. Levi and Noah are going to be part of our family."

"For how long?" Isabelle asks, her eyes flitting between her mothers.

"Forever," Jane says.

Silence.

Isabelle is the first one to move. She nods and looks up and Maura and then Jane, smiling shyly. "Okay, mommies," she says quietly.

Sofia frowns and Maura reaches out to take her little hand, "Hey, honey pie, don't get that look on your face," she says quietly, "This does not change the way we feel about you or Bella. It just means that there are more people in our family to love. It's a _good_ thing."

But Sofia starts to cry, and Maura pulls her of her seat and onto her lap, rubbing her back in circles, shooting one worried look at Jane as she rocks their daughter.

Isabelle looks at Jane, worried.

"I'm sad, Mommy," Sofia says from Maura's arms, she reaches up and plays with Maura's necklace automatically, the way she would when she was a baby. "I'm very sad."

Maura squeezes her gently. "I know. Do you want to tell me why?"

Sofia sniffs and makes a gesture somewhere between 'I don't know," and "I can't figure out how to tell you."

Maura kisses her forehead, and the brown eyes swing up to look at her and fill and spill over with tears again.  
Maura is a little alarmed. She pulls her daughter to her shoulder, shhing her and rubbing her back. "Tell me, sweet girl," she says, "I know it might feel so scary. But Mama and I love you so, so much. That's never going to change."

Sofia shakes her head against Maura's shoulder. "No," she says and her voice is muffled. Maura pulls her away from her so she can hear the child better.  
"No," she says, wiping her eyes and looking up into her mother's face.

"Where will us and our brothers go if you and Mama go to heaven?"

Isabelle looks alarmed, like this has never occurred to her, and she scrambles into Jane's lap as fast as she can, wrapping her arms around Jane's neck.

"Oh, no!" she says, dismayed.

"Nugget," Jane says, pulling at Sofia, and settling her more comfortably. "Mommy and I aren't going to heaven."

"Levi's mommy and daddy went." Sofia says, "And Tara's daddy from preschool."

Jane frowns, but she kisses the side of Isabelle's head. "Listen, little girls," she says quietly, and both children turn to look at her. "You're right. Sometimes people go to heaven before they're supposed to."

Isabelle shivers, and Jane hugs her closer, "But I don't want you to worry about that."

"How come?" Sofia asks.

"Because you and Isabelle, and now Noah and Levi are part of a family. A big family who loves each other and protects each other and is always, _always_ there for each other." She looks at Maura, who smiles, nodding. "And no matter what," Jane makes sure to look both girls in the eye, "No matter _what_. Someone will always be there to love you and take care of you. Okay?"

Sofia leans back against Maura, her hand drifting up to play over her mother's jaw.

"Brothers now too?" she asks.

Jane smiles. "Yes. Your brothers as well."

* * *

They are awoken in the middle of the night by the sound of feet in the hall. Jane sits up, frowning, and Maura rolls over, cracking an eye to look at her.

"Levi?"  
"Wrong room," She says, scooting out of bed. Maura lies still for a while and then gets up too, following her wife to the door. Jane listens for a moment and then cracks it open, peering out into the hall.

"It's so late, Iz," Sofia's voice gets raspy and deep when she is sleepy.

"Shh. Come _on_, Fia." Isabelle is stern, no nonsense.

"I'm _tired_."

Jane and Maura watch their daughters as they pause in the hall. They are not facing their parent's door, but away from it, towards the boys room, as if that's the direction they plan to head in.

"What's Mama's rule."

"I _dunnah_, Iz. I'm sleepin."

"_Fia,_" the whisper sounds so much like Maura scolding Jane that Maura has to put her hand over her mouth to keep from giggling. "What is Mama's rule."

Sofia sighs, "to _be _there."

"So come on."

They move off down the hall and Maura feels Jane give her a little push from behind. They follow their children at a distance, watching as they push open the door where Levi and Noah are supposed to be sleeping. Sofia disappears around the door frame, pushing it almost shut behind her, and Jane and Maura creep up to it, listening quietly.

"Levi?" Isabelle climbs up onto the full size bed as Levi sits up, rubbing his eyes.

"Isabelle?" Levi's voice is heavy with tears. Maura feels Jane tense beside her. "What are you doing here?"

Sofia is at Noah's crib, set up in the corner, she taps on the bars lightly, "Noah. Wake up. This is your sister."

Maura catches her breath. She wants to look up at Jane, but she can't take her eyes off the scene in front of her.

"Are you cryin?" Isabelle sits on the end of Levi's bed, cross legged. Levi shrugs, watching as Sofia succeeds in half dragging have heaving a very sleeping Noah out of his crib. She carries him over to the bed and rolls him onto it before scrambling up herself.

"He was cryin," Isabelle fills Sofia in.  
"I was _not_." Levi says defensively, his voice rising.

"shhhh" Both girls shush him.

"We know why you was crying anyways." Isabelle says as if he hasn't just denied it. "And we came to be with you. And Noah too."

When Levi is silent, the twins look at each other then back at him.

"You wanna be our brother right?" Isabelle asks. She says brother like "bruddah," and Maura feels Jane chuckle behind her.

"Yeah," Levi says quietly.

"Kay," Isabelle says, "Then we come when yous crying. That's the rule. And when we cry you gotta come to us."

She crawls up the bed in her footie pajamas, and then wiggles herself under the covers next to him. Sofia curls up where she is, pulling Noah down next to her like a teddy bear.

"Oh," Levi says, lying back down against the pillows. They are silent for a moment, and then Levi speaks again."What's the rule?"

Isabelle sighs like she's already made this clear. "You're a Rizzoli _and_ a Isles now. Like us. And we don't never leave _any_body behind."

Maura has tears in her eyes, and she can tell from the way that Jane holds her close around the waist that the brunette is feeling it too. They back away from the door and stand in the hall, looking at each other.

"They're going to fight," Maura says, "When the newness wears off they are going to fight twice as worse as they do now, because there are twice as many of them."

Jane nods, "And we should go get Noah so he doesn't get squished by Sofia in the night. That would put a damper on all this family bonding," she says.

But neither woman moves, they just stand in the hall, grinning at each other, listening to the breathing of their children as they deepen into sleep.

* * *

**Sry guys. It is migraine city over here the past couple of days. It's like my own personal apocalypse...**

**Anyway... I split this section (I section my stories...so as to keep the arcs and the timeline straight) up into three parts, and the next chapter is already 3/4 done, so I would expect it sometime in the wee small hours tonight. **

**Thank you. thank you . thank you for all the wonderful comments/pms your support and kindness, willingness to listen to my ideas, and tell me honestly what you think is amazing. **

**BNH, AE, jobee, davis, Emerald Demona, sandy ford, AtUFrEdDiEKate, gemsofodin, Ireallyneedalife, socks lost, Tam, JM, AnnieMJ. NO YOU GUYS are wonderful. I literally had to shut my computer and breathe for a sec. So nice. **

**Strongamazon...ah! thank you so much. I hope you'll stick around and that you continue to enjoy.  
julez, fergz, kryptochick, pious, CF, lovely, sashaelizabeth, LittleGallifreyan, heatwave, mrj726, Youthink, **

**I feel like I'm wearing these words out and they are beginning to sound useless. But thank you so much. Your reviews make my life. **

**See y'all soon!**

**happy reading.**

**tc **


	27. Chapter 27

Frost meets Maura at the turnstiles just inside the precinct, out of breath and trying to look like he just happened to be there.  
"Hey, Maur! What are you doing here?"

Maura raises an eyebrow. "Tommy is watching the children."

This seems to catch Frost momentarily off guard. "All of them?"

"Yes, it's just for the morning, so I can get the body started and set the labs up. He's been practicing on that 'baby alive' thing that Jane brought him last weekend. I thought it was time he gets some actual practice. "

Frost nods, seeming to remember the reason he's met her here in the first place. "I can take the coffees up for you if you want to head straight down to the-"

Maura smiles, "Barry. I've already met Officer McCarthy, you don't have to run interference," she says, smiling at his shocked face.

"You've met her?"

"Yes. I met her a while ago, after she called my house and left a message for my wife."

Frost's mouth drops open. "I _knew _it," he says. "I _knew_ she was back here for Jane."

Maura sighs, reaching out to press the up button by the elevator, "It certainly seems that way."

"Well, you know, I wasn't running interference because anything bad is happening up there," he says quickly, "Jane wouldn't ever. I just..."

But Maura smiles, "don't want to have to arrest me?"

Barry laughs as the elevator doors swing shut on them. "A _joke_, doctor! You're getting better at those."

Maura chuckles too, "who said I was kidding."

...

* * *

_Jane laces up her running shoes, and stands up, stretching her hands high above her head. The sun is barely up, but it's four miles from Frost's apartment to the precinct and once she gets there she's going to have to shower. She straps her backpack securely to her back and rolls her shoulders once, preparing. _

_April is beginning to have less of a bite, and as she pulls her foot behind her, stretching her quad muscle one more time, she thinks she could have gone without the leggings today. _

_With one last deep breath she puts her ear buds in and sets off, her feet pounding hard on the concrete of the sidewalk. _

_Jane Rizzoli loves this morning run more than anything in her life. At twenty three, she is in the best shape of her life, and she can make the four mile run to the precinct in just under thirty minutes if she pushes herself. Usually she does, running fast enough to hear her breath coming hard in her ears and feel her calf muscles strain and push to keep up. It wipes everything from her head. It cleanses her. _

_But this morning she starts with a slower pace, steady and easy, letting her mind wander. It's her first day back since the break-up. _

_She's going to have to see Leah._

* * *

_..._

Maura loves Barry Frost. He is her best friend outside of Jane; he is funny and caring and has never once turned his back on her, not even that first day of her job. But most importantly, Barry hates Leah McCarthy almost as much as Maura does.

They are getting off the elevator, talking about the case, when she hears it, echoing down the hall coming from the bullpen.

The sound of Leah laughing.

Frost's face darkens immediately, and he and Maura round the corner together.

"Four! Oh, my goodness," Leah's laugh is high and girly. Maura finds it grating. "I can't imagine you having one, Jane Rizzoli, let alone four." She glances up at the door and her eyes lock with Maura's and the doctor is aware that they are almost exactly the same color. This realization fills her with an odd mixture of sadness for a twenty year old Jane that she will never be able to make it up to, and panic that Jane could find so convincing a replacement.  
Leah tosses her head, so that her long blonde hair hangs to one side. She looks at Jane, and Maura wishes that she had a pair of scissors. "You always told me you never wanted kids."

Jane is not looking at her, but at her computer, and Maura feels an rush of affection as her wife half smiles and says, "well. When you find the right person."

Leah nods, feigning understanding. "I know what you mean. How amazing that you've held onto someone as inspiring as Dr. Isles. She is truly a genius."

And Maura _hates_ this woman. Because she sees Jane glance up at Leah and then back down at her computer, a tiny frown playing over her face, and she knows that Jane has heard exactly what Leah wanted her to hear.

_Held on to._

Maura looks at Barry and sees her disgust and anger reflected back in his features. She squeezes his arm once and then clicks into the precinct, smiling as Jane looks up eagerly at the sound. Her smile widens as she takes in Maura, Frost, and a cup of coffee.

"I know," Frost says, coming around to the side of Jane's desk and standing directly in front of Leah, "could there be a more beautiful vision? Your partner, your girl, and coffee?"

Jane laughs, accepting the cup from Maura.

"Tommy has already called me four times," she says, "And has sent me about four hundred texts, listen to this," she pulls out her phone and scrolls for a second.

"Jane, Levi is watching show called Phineas and Ferb. Plz say if this is ok," She rolls her eyes as Maura and Frost laugh. Jane scrolls through her phone a little more.

"Jane, am showing Noah how to use fork right way. Is he old enough? Seriously? There is no way he is ready for a baby coming in June. And I can't be his twenty four hour hotline! We have four children, I don't want another when this baby comes."

Leah clears her throat loudly, and Frost turn around, looking surprised. "Oh, Officer McCarthy. I didn't see you there!" he says, and Maura has to look away so as not to laugh.

"Hello, Frost," Leah says and she glances at Maura, her smile sickly sweet and totally disingenuous, "Dr. Isles."

Maura is about to reply, but her phone buzzes, signaling that the second body has been dropped off.

"Jane," She says, and Jane stands nodding.

"Text me if Frankie finds the cup, okay Frost?"

As they leave, she hears Leah mutter something under her breath.

"She watches all of Dr. Isles autopsies," Frost says loudly, "That's what makes them the best team in the country."  
Jane chuckles as she presses the elevator button, nudging Maura with her elbow, "did you hear that, Maur? The _country,_ now."

...

* * *

_The women's bathroom at the precinct reminds Jane of locker rooms in high school. There are stalls and sink on one side and then showers and changing rooms on the other. Jane drops her back pack on the bench and begins to strip, pulling her sweat soaked tank and bra up over her head in one movement. She doesn't have a problem changing out in the open like this. No one is ever here this early. But as she tosses the clothing aside and turns around, she lets out a cry. Leah is standing in front of her, smiling lopsidedly. _

_"Hey." _

_"What are you doing here?" Jane crosses her arms, covering herself. _

_"I knew you'd get here early. I wanted to see you." _

_"Well, I do not want to see you," Jane says, and she wishes there was a little more bravado in her voice. She goes to move past her ex-girlfriend, but Leah reaches out, grabbing her arm. _

_"I love you, Jane. You know that. I fucked up while you were away. I. I just missed you so much." _

_"You missed me so much that you had to put your hands on another girl," Jane's voice is bitter, "In our apartment? In MY bed? That's how much you missed me?"_

_Leah's hand snakes around Jane's waist, and the brunette hates herself for wanting to respond to it. Leah leans forward and puts her lips on Jane's neck, smiling when she feels the heartbeat racing under the skin. _

_"It's the job," she says smoothly, her hands running up Jane's back, to pull at her shoulder blades. "You could be gone for weeks or months at a time, Jane. How am I supposed to cope with that? How am I supposed to know that you're out there every day risking your life, and not want to seek comfort from somewhere?"_

_Jane pulls away, one last bite of anger inside her, "So that gives you the right to cheat on me any time you want?" _

_Leah clucks and looks up into Jane's eyes. Jane looks back, almost breathing heavily, almost wanting to take that woman in her arms and kiss her and forgive her and drag her into the shower with her. Almost. Because when she's looking into Leah's eyes, she could almost be…_

_"You're missing the big picture, Jane," Leah says softly, taking a step forward. _

_ "I was here when you came back." _

* * *

_..._

Their house is so loud when they get home that no one hears them open the door. Jane steps aside, opening the front closet and disappearing inside it, discarding her blazer and her belt and boots quickly, and reappearing, shorter, less dangerous, Mama.

Noah is the first to appear in the hallway, although Sofia comes quickly behind him and is the first to reach her parents, hugging first one, then the other.

Maura scoops Noah up in her arms and he hugs her tight, "Mommy!" he says, and both women look at him, shocked.

"Iz taught him that by axy-dent," Sofia says, pulling back from her hug around Jane's middle.

"By accident?" Maura says, confused.

Sofia nods, "Yeah, we was looking at pictures of us from Christmas, and he kept asking who people was," She looks up at her mothers. "look, watch." She tugs on Noah's leg.

"Noah, who's that?" she asks, pointing at Jane.  
Noah smiles widely, "Mama!"

Jane raises her eyebrows at Maura and they are both thinking the same thing. _Levi._

They find their other two children at the dining room table with Tommy, all three of them peering at playing cards in their hands.

"C'mon, Bella it's not a hard question," Tommy whines, "Do you have any fours?"

Bella considers her hand, "Mmmm. Go fish," she says and Tommy drops his head to the table. "How can that beeee?"

Maura laughs, making him look up. He smiles bashfully as Isabelle and Levi turn to her too.

She kisses both of their heads, her eyes lingering a little bit longer on Levi's face.

"Did you all have a good day with your uncle?" She asks.

"He cheats at cards," Levi says matter-of-factly.

"I _bend_ the rules of the game," he says grinning.

Maura sets Noah down and turns towards the door. Jane is in the doorway, looking at all of them. Maura frowns. Jane looks like she's in pain.

"Honey?" Maura says quietly, moving towards her, but Jane seems to snap out of it, smiling at her, turning away.  
"I'm going to shower," She says, "Alright?"

Maura nods, watching her go.

...

* * *

_"You fucked her?!" Frost is incredulous. _

_Jane sinks back into his couch and rubs her hands over her eyes. "It just…happened."_

_"No." Frost waits until Jane is looking at him before continuing. "No. Do not get back with her, Jane. She is awful. She is dumb and awful. That's the worst combination." _

_Jane sighs and leans forward. "I was gone for like three weeks," she says quietly, "I didn't say good-bye, who knows what she thought happened," _

_"Don't be stupid," Frost says irritably, "it's not like she works as a Macy's clerk and has no idea what you do. She graduated Academy right there with you. She knows EXACTLY what you do." _

_"She didn't move out or anything." _

_Frost sits back, looking at her, "Jane. Why are you doing this? Why are you punishing yourself? I will admit that it makes you a very good cop, but it also makes you shit to be friends with." _

_Jane runs her fingers through her hair. "Is it so bad to have a girlfriend that isn't always faithful but is always there? I mean. She knows what my job is and what I do every day and she hasn't gone running, hasn't said it's too hard to sit at home and wait…She goes out and does it too…sort of. She understands." _

_Frost stands, pointing at her, "Yeah. She understands that you have some weird Jesus complex where you feel like you have to take the weight of the world on your shoulders and deny yourself any pleasure or contentment at all. She understands that she can take full advantage of that." He takes her hands, turning them over, like he's looking for something, "But I don't see stigmata anywhere, so I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you don't have to crucify yourself for her." _

_Jane yanks her hands away, rubbing them together. _

_Frost puts his hands on her shoulders. He knows what this is about. He always knows._

_"Maura left you, Jane. She left you. So fuck her for not realizing how awesome you are. Get angry, or cry about it, or fucking…spend all your cash on booze. But don't let that woman treat you this way."_

_Jane sighs deeply. "How are you not sick of this yet?" she asks weakly. _

_"Oh I am. I am fucking sick of it," he says, and when Jane looks up at him, startled, he smiles. _

_"But we're best friends. And I'm never going to get sick of you."_

* * *

...

Levi asks Tommy to read him his bed time story, and while Jane is tucking the girls in, Maura wanders down the hall to listen.  
"The end…" Tommy is saying, and there is silence as the boys sit together on Levi's bed.

"Thanks," Levi says, and Maura watches him slide underneath his covers as Tommy stands up. "No problem. Thanks for not telling your mom I let you watch fifteen minutes of Lethal Weapon." Tommy starts to move towards the door.

"Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think they're mad that I don't call them mom?"

Maura watches Tommy consider Levi, and then sit back down on the edge of his bed. "Not ready, huh?"

"I want to…sometimes…but I don't think I can. Do you think my mom will be able to hear me from heaven if I did that? Jane says she's always watching over me. What if I make her feel bad?"

Maura leans her head on the door frame, praying that Tommy says something comforting.

"Nah, dude, no way!" Tommy says casually, "Are you kidding me? Your mom would probably be psyched that you found someone you trusted enough to call that. Since she can't be here to hug you and stuff. She's probably cool with it. If you are. Anyway, Jane and Maura are the coolest. They don't care what you call them as long as you're happy."

Maura smiles, turning away. She doesn't need to hear anymore.

...

She's in the kitchen with Jane when Tommy comes down a while later. He smiles at them as he pulls up a stool.

"Levi's one cool little dude," he says. "He says he's excited to meet the baby, when it comes."

Jane drops the case file onto the counter with a soft slap and looks at her brother. "You are going to be a great dad," she says.

"Yes," Maura agrees, "Unless you let them watch something potentially scarring, like, oh, I don't know, Lethal Weapon."

Both women laugh at the look on Tommy's face. "it was an _accident!_ I didn't know he'd switched the channel!"  
But Jane waves him away, turning to the fridge.

Tommy sighs, smiling and looks down at the case file on the table. He frowns. "Aw mann, What's Phil doing in your case file?"

Jane turns to look at him, "How do you know Phil?"

Tommy shrugs, "He was in my AA over on Huntington for a long time…him and that woman…and this other guy…Larry."

Maura looks at Jane, "Why'd they leave your AA?"

Tommy shrugs, "Phil said he was good. Found a way to fight his demons. Larry…I dunno. One day he just stopped coming. I though he might have fallen off, but I'm not his sponsor so it's none of my-" Tommy reaches into his pocket, feeling for his wallet. He pulls out a business card. "But he gave me this before he left. Poor guy, had his life back on track." Jane looks at the business card. "**Been hurt? Injured? Gotten sick because of someone else's mistake? Call Larry. He can help you out." ** Jane's eyes widen, and she hands the card to Maura, reaching for her cell.

"What are you doing?" Tommy asks.

Jane puts the phone to her ear.

"Calling Frost. I think I know what happened."

...

* * *

_Jane stands, chest heaving on the top of Mission Hill. She has nothing but running shorts and t-shirt on, and even though she is sweating profusely, she is shivering as well. _

_"You are one of the most predictable people I know, Jane Rizzoli" Leah's voice is soft, and Jane spins around. That's the second time this woman has gotten the drop on her. _

_Jane makes mental note to never let it happen again. _

_"Leah,"  
"Early showers, angsty runs to your favorite thinking place, blatant disregard for your health and well-being," Leah gestures towards Jane's bare arms, which have goosebumps. "Come here, let me warm you up." She moves towards Jane, but the brunette takes a step back. _

_"No."_

* * *

"I am really glad you caught the bastard. Though I am sorry another bio scare isn't going to happen. You're even more ripped than I remember you being, Jane Rizzoli, and that is a hard thing to accomplish"

That is it. Maura is done. This comment is the last straw.

She'd allowed Leah to pretend she didn't exist. She'd allowed her to insinuate that Jane was not good enough for her family, and she'd even allowed Leah to pinch Noah's cheeks that morning when she'd brought the boys to the station to get Jane. But this deliberately off-hand comment is too much. It is too much.

"Leah? Can I have a word with you please?" Both Frost and Jane look at her, Jane somewhat nervously. They know what that tone means. Maura hands Noah to Jane and Frost beckons Levi over.

Leah smirks, following Maura out into the hall.

"I know what you're doing."

Leah's eyes sweep Maura from her feet all the way up to her hair. Her smile hardens a little bit. "And yet, you don't seem to be able to do anything about it," she says lazily, "it doesn't seem like you to give up, Dr. Isles."  
Maura wants to hit her. She clenches one fist and forces her face to stay calm. "I only rise to occasions that would challenge me," she says icily. "You are a child. You are immature and foolish and a _child_. You don't even know what you're doing."

For someone who needs to remain calm in stressful situations, Leah McCarthy fails pretty miserably. She colors angrily, and her shoulders shoot up and back as she flexes.

"_I'm_ a child? You forget that my relationship with Jane is technically only two years shorter than yours. I know her just as well as you do. I know what she wants and what she's capable of just as well as you do."

Maura lowers her head and takes a step forward. She'd promised Jane she wouldn't engage. She'd promised not to let Leah work her up. _No matter what she says, Maur, promise me? She's really good at hitting where it hurts_. "First of all, I don't remember hearing about your relationship with my _wife _ending amicably. Nor do I recall marriage, children, or even a pet that the two of you owned together. Secondly, if you knew Jane half as well as you think you do, then you would understand that all you're doing is hurting her. You're not driving her away from me, you're not laying any ground work for anything…you're just. Hurting her."

Leah's face registers a little bit of shock although it is instantly dispelled.

"What by making her doubt her love for you? By making her wonder if having children was really the right move? That's not on me," Leah narrows her eyes,

"Last time I checked, it wasn't me who had broken her beyond repair."

...

* * *

_"No?" Leah looks shocked, and for the briefest of moment, hurt. But then she smiles, understanding. "It's okay, Jane. I forgive you for running out this morning in the shower. You can repay me tonight…or…" _

_"No," Jane says, turning away. "I don't forgive you for cheating on me." The sentence comes out in a rush, her face flushing from the remembered embarrassment of seeing Leah in her bed with that woman._

_She looks up into those pretty green eyes. "I don't forgive you for hurting me." _

_Leah's face freezes for a moment in surprise and then, her eyes fill with tears. _

_"I didn't mean to hurt you, Jane." She says quietly. "I just…I missed you." _

_Jane shakes her head. "You missed a body. You missed coming home to someone," Jane crosses her arms, shivering a little. "I don't blame you. It's shit dating a cop." _

_"I'm a cop too. We're perfect. It's perfect." Leah's voice is dropping. She's about to beg. Jane doesn't think she could withstand watching those green eyes beg. She turns away. _

_"It's shit." _

_"So…I'm supposed to…like…see you everyday but not come home to you?" Leah sounds desperate. "I love you. I love you, Jane. Don't…please?" _

_But Jane shakes her head, "You could transfer," She offers. And she chances one last look up into Leah's face._

_No one will ever get the drop on you again, she thinks. In anything. _

_"Jane." _

_But Jane turns away, shaking her head, already starting to jog, pushing her exhausted muscles into a sprint. She doesn't stop until she reaches Frost's apartment. _

_The next day, Leah is not there._

* * *

_..._

It happens too quickly for Maura to really figure out the chronology. One moment she can hear the blood roaring in her ears and feel her hand, fist clenched tightly, moving towards Leah's face.

The next, she is being pushed back, and Jane is in front of her, her own long fingered hand tight around Leah's throat, pressing her against the hallway wall.

"J-jane," Leah's voice is small, stuttering.

"Disrespect my wife one more time." Jane's voice is so low that it is barely audible. Frost pulls Maura away from the opposite wall, his hand on her elbow. He looks over his shoulder at his partner.

"Jane," he says warningly, but Jane shakes her head, not removing her eyes from Leah's.

"You can embarrass yourself all you want by flirting with me, and saying suggestive shit, but when you imply that I don't love my wife, or that I in some way to do not love my children?" Jane's hand contracts a little, and Leah's hands shoot up to the detective's wrist.

"_Jane"_ Frost puts his hand on her shoulder and she glances at him and then back at Leah.

"That woman is everything to me, as are my children. She is the reason I do what I do. She is my soul mate and she has had the grace and poise to let you flounce around in front of her for _weeks_." Jane lets her go, and Leah leans forward, coughing. "disrespect…no…Say _anything_ to her again, and I will make you eat that sorry tazer they gave you because you haven't earned a gun yet." She turns away, looking at Maura, her eyes asking for both forgiveness and approval.

"Maur?"

Maura puts one hand to Jane's face, smiling, wanting to say so much and yet unable to put any of it into some kind of coherent sentence. "You…are…so…"  
"I am so in love with you" Jane says firmly "Whether I deserve you or not."

Maura tucks a strand of hair behind her wife's face and Jane smiles grimly, "I'm sorry, Maur. I just wanted to ignore it, because…"

Maura shakes her head, "It's fine…" She pulls Jane into a hug, but the brunette pulls away almost immediately. "Maura," she says seriously, "You were going to assault a police officer."

Maura laughs. "sorry," she says, and Jane points at her chest, shaking her head.

"Hives, Maur." Maura giggles.

"Ma?"

Jane turns around towards the familiar name, even as it dawns on her that there is only one person who could have uttered it.

Levi is standing in the hall, Korsak behind him. He is wearing a policeman's hat and he is beaming.  
"Levi?"

"Ma, Sargent Korsak says this hat is his extra. Can I have it? Please?"

Jane looks at Maura, eyes wide. "Uh…yeah, bud…That's fine…" She glances at Leah, who is standing against the wall where Jane left her, looking at the floor.

"Ready to go?" She moves forward and takes Noah from Korsak's arms.

"Yeah," Levi takes Maura's hand.

"Alright then…" Jane smiles, "Frost?"

Frost nods, smiling broadly, "Partner," he says, "I'll see you tomorrow."

And with that the four of them make their way towards the elevator.

"Bye!" Noah calls cheerfully over Jane's shoulder.

Korsak and Frost wave. Leah does not.

* * *

**AH! You guys are killing me. so nice. I love that you love them. Well...I'm assuming after this you're not totally in love with Leah...but...you're not supposed to be. :) **

**That's my class action satisfaction for you. I hope you're not bummed that i cut out the undressing ;) There's so many new handles. everythingshazy, azRieLThaNe, Aviatorsand9mm, phoneme, gallifreyancircles (i think...), waiting for perfect, thank you so much for your comments. Hope you continue to enjoy. **

**Ireallyneedalife, surprise surprise, you made me cry. lol. JMpack, you got a handle!Hoorray! BNH, Jobee, AE, bookiwookie, Alac, CF, sandy ford, heatwave, luvreading, lovely, **

**All of you. literally each and every one of you is amazing for your reviews. I can't...GAH. warm and fuzzy. **

**One more update tomorrow, and then I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off. But I promise not to leave you with a cliff hanger or anything like that. Happy chrismakwanzahannukah everyone. And winter solstice as well!**

**Happy reading!**

**tc**


	28. Chapter 28

Rizzoli Sunday. There has not been one since Levi and Noah came to stay with them. The Rizzoli's seem to be pulled in a hundred different directions lately. Angela has been laid off, and is busy applying for new jobs all over the city, Frankie spends every waking moment at the precinct, trying to get Cavenaugh to recognize his merit, and Tommy is literally studying to become a father.

Maura hears Jane on the phone with her youngest brother that afternoon as he tries to back out of the tradition for the third week in a row.

"_NO_." Jane is saying, as she tries to one handedly pour juice into Noah's sippy cup. "No. Tommy, you've crapped out on us for the past _month"_

Noah, reclining in Jane's arms, reaches for his cup, and Jane redoubles her hold on him, listening. She rolls her eyes, and tucks the phone against her shoulder so she can tap the counter, getting Maura's attention.

_Can baby mama come to dinner?_ She mouths and Maura nods, smiling.

"Tommy, just bring her. Bring Lydia," Jane says exasperatedly.

Whatever Tommy says in return makes Jane roll her eyes again, "Then I must _really_ want to see you, baby brother. Six. At the latest." She smiles, "You too. Bye."

Maura watches her put the phone down and hand Noah his juice. "So we're still on?"

Jane sighs, "Yes. Just add one more," she says glumly. Jane still has not warmed to Lydia.

"She's not so bad, Jane," Maura says now, pulling out another head of broccoli.

"She's not so bright either, Maur. God, I wish there was a way that your genes could end up in that baby. Then at least it would stand a _chance_."

Maura chuckles, "Rizzolis have proven themselves to be very smart and very resourceful," she says.

At that moment, Noah drops his juice. It falls to the floor, and rolls away, and Noah reaches after it, looking grumpy.

"crap." He says.

Jane's eyes get big and she looks at Maura, who is staring at Noah. And then Jane turns, scampering into the living room, laughing as loudly as Noah as Maura chases after them with a wooden spoon.

_"Jane Clementine Rizzoli!" _

_..._

Jane's not wrong. Lydia is an idiot.

Maura asks Lydia to help her in the kitchen, more to keep her away from Jane than anything else.

"How is pregnancy treating you, Lydia?" she asks politely.

"Oh, it's been alright. The hardest part is remembering that there's a baby in there."  
Maura frowns a little, "I don't follow."

Lydia looks at her with wide eyes, "Well yesterday I woke up with this rumbling in there, like he was doing sommersaults, or something, and I was so scared that I was having gastritis, before I remembered…there's a baby in there!"

There is so much wrong with this statement that for a moment Maura can only gape at her. "Ah," she manages finally. "Well…" she tries to get her brain going again, "It must be, uh, different with twins. I never forgot those little girls were in there. When are you due again?"

"June fifteenth!"

Maura raises her eyebrows, smiling a little, "That's the day I asked Jane to marry me." Maura says this just to make conversation, but Lydia jumps like she's been shot and bursts into tears.

"Oh. My. God. I had no idea!" she sobs out, and Tommy, Jane and Angela appear in the door of the kitchen, looking worried.

"Lydia? What's wrong? Is it the baby?" Tommy comes over to take her elbow. He looks at Maura, scared.

"We. Can-not have…this baby…on the fifteenth, Tommy! It's Jane and Maura's ann-si-ver-sary," she hiccups.

And Maura scowls hard enough at Jane to keep her from snorting.

...

Maura is still amazed at the new old tradition that is Rizzoli Sunday. It has nearly tripled in size since her first one almost ten years ago, and she watches Frankie and Jane bicker as they add the extra leaf to the dining room table, and then turns her attention to where Levi and Isabelle are _really_ fighting.

"Is not."

"It IS!" Isabelle stomps her foot.

Levi shakes his head and reaches out to grab something from her. She twists away from him and he pushes her.

It's not a terribly aggressive move, but Isabelle is not expecting it and she topples over. For a moment, they look at each other, Isabelle clearly confused. She is used to fights with her sister that turn physical, but as she looks at Levi, it's clear that she is wondering one thing. _Is this a guest, or is this my family_.

Maura waits, letting her work it out, but intervenes as Isabelle, clearly deciding on family, launches herself at her brother.

"Enough," Maura says, trying to look stern and not overjoyed at the normal family behavior.

"But it's mine!" Levi cries as Maura takes the toy away. "Well now it's mine. Separate. Both of you." She watches her children to separate rooms, shaking her head.

It is as the coffee cups are being loaded up by the sink and Tommy and Frankie have a rock paper scissors tournament the decide who gets the last piece of pie that Maura realizes she wants her mother.

"We should rename this night," Angela says as she drops off the last of the mugs.

Her children look up at her and she shrugs. "Well. Half of us are not Rizzolis," She says in explanation.

Jane nods, "It's true. I'm not really a Rizzoli anymore."  
Maura Jerks her head up, "What?"

Jane smiles, touching one finger to her heart, telling Maura to stay calm, "I'm a Rizzoli-Isles, really" she says. "Just like you and our children."

"What am I?" Levi asks from the corner, where he has his hand on Lydia's stomach.

Jane considers. "What do you want to be?"

Levi chews his lip, "An Owens Rizzoli-Isles?"

Maura smiles at Jane as she holds out her hand to the little boy. He steps forward and they shake on it. She pulls him into a hug and he smiles at Maura bashfully from her wife's arms.

"And soon there's gonna be a…a what, Lydia? A Rizzoli sparks?"

Angela laughs, "So we rename it. It's decided. Family dinner. We are just having family dinner."

Oh, Maura wants Constance there so badly that it is like a stomach ache.

...

* * *

_The sound of someone pounding on a door pulls Maura from her sleep. She moves to sit up, but a long thin arm across her chest holds her down. She turns her head and meets Jane's eyes, wide in the darkness, looking back at her._

_"Ja-" She starts, but Jane shakes her head, pulling her closer._

_"Shh. Be quiet."_

_Maura is about to say something else, when she realizes that the pounding on the door has been joined by yelling. Someone is yelling._

**_Angela, you'd better open the God damned door right now, or I will break it down myself. You can't just keep my boys from me. It's against the law for chrissake._**

_It's Frank. The realization crashes over her and makes her shudder. Jane tightens her grip around Maura, and her presses her lips to her ear._

_"It's okay," she whispers, and Maura thinks she can hear tears in her girlfriend's voice. "It's okay."_

_The door to the bedroom creaks open, and Jane sits up, blinking into the light from the hallway._

_It's Frankie, skinny and scared looking, and behind him, even smaller, glaring around his brother's form, Tommy._

_Jane pushes at Maura, and the blonde slips out of the bed obediently, even though she doesn't understand what is happening._

**_You're ruining our children, Angela. You stupid, stupid cow. _**

_The new round of hammering on the door is enough to push both Frankie and Tommy into Jane's bedroom, and she pulls Maura away from the bed as her brothers clamber up onto it._

_"What if he gets in?" Frankie's whisper is urgent. Scared._

_Jane shakes her head, moving to her closet, "He won't."_

_"How do you know?" Tommy's voice, accusing and argumentative._

_"I just do."_

_Angela is gone. Working the graveyard shift at a warehouse in Jamaica Plains. It's just Jane and her brothers at home tonight._

_And Maura._

_Jane pulls down a sleeping bag and two blankets, turning back she looks at her brothers, who look at each other. Tommy nudges Frankie and he slides off the bed to stand in front of her as Jane drops the bedding in a heap on the floor._

_"Best of three," she says. Frankie nods._

**_I will set this house on fire and you'll burn, I swear to God. You'll spend eternity in Hell. Is that what you want?_**

_"Rock. Paper. Scissors…shoot." Maura watches as Jane makes scissors and Frankie makes paper. He sighs heavily, but curls his fist again. "C'mon, Frankie, man!" Tommy says irritably._

_On the next round, Frankie's fist stays put while Jane's again slip into the two fingered peace sign of scissors._

_"fuck," she whispers, "sry, Maur."_

_Maura makes a confused motion with her shoulders. She doesn't understand fully what's happening. And still the pounding echoes up to them. More insistent and louder._

_Brother and sister look at each other for a longer moment before the third and final round, and Maura is aware that they are communicating with each other, even if she can't hear it._

_"Rock, paper, scissors…shoot."_

_Jane picks rock. Frankie, scissors._

_They look at their hands for a long time, until Tommy says, "shit, man, I knew I should have played," and slides off the bed already starting to turn the quilts on the floor into some kind of makeshift bed._

_Jane touches her hand to the top of Frankie's head briefly, almost like a sentence, before moving back towards the bed and gesturing that Maura should get back in._

_And suddenly the blonde understands._

_Jane has won them the right to sleep in the bed._

**_I'll kill you. I'll kill you and that dyke you keep hidden in there._**

_Maura flinches at the word and Jane pulls her closer, sliding a hand into her hair._

_"Jane?" Frankie's voice drifts up from the floor, almost tearful._

_"It's alright," Jane says, and Maura realizes she's talking to both of them. She's talking to everyone. Her voice does not waver. "He can't get in here."_

_Maura rolls over so she's facing Jane, slipping her arms around her waist. She closes her eyes as Frank yells again, his insults getting more and more wild and outlandish as the house in front of him stays dark and silent. She wants to ask if this happens a lot. If he's ever gotten in and what happens if he does…_

_Instead she pushes closer to Jane, trying, but unable to suppress a shiver._

_"I hate him." Frankie's whisper is low and almost convincing._

_"He's not like this always," Tommy whispers back, "He's not mean always, right Jane?"_

_Jane's hands stop their pattern on Maura's back for the smallest of moments, and Maura feels her gather herself._

_"Right, T," she says quietly. "Not always. Go to sleep, brothers."_

_There is rustling for a moment as Tommy and Frankie try to get comfortable on the floor, and Maura and Jane listen as the pounding and the insults slow, and then stop completely and abruptly._

_For a long while they lie there, and although Maura can hear the deep even breathing of the boys, she can tell by the tense muscles under her hands that Jane is still awake._

_"He's gone," she whispers against Jane's shoulders, hoping her words will relax the brunette beside her. They seem to have the opposite effect, however, and Jane sucks in a deep breath that she seems unable to let out._

_Maura rubs at Jane's back, willing her to breathe, and maybe to talk to her, if she wants to. But instead of talking, Jane leans down and presses her lips to Maura's._

_It is not a kiss. And Maura does not feel aroused so much as filled with something warm and full and…safe._

_She closes her eyes, leaning her head against Jane's chest, feeling her heartbeat._

_The pounding starts again, as suddenly as it stopped, and Tommy awakens with a yelp._

_"Ma!" he cries, half asleep. Maura flinches._

_"Shh," Jane pulls Maura closer as if it is she that has cried out and not Tommy. "Tommy, go back to sleep, buddy."_

_Jane takes a deep breath and her hands contract around Maura's waist and Maura wants to say I love you. Wants to say it right then, despite the presence of Jane's brothers. She has never felt it so acutely and with such clarity before._

_But Jane opens her mouth first and starts to sing. It's a sweet song, not quite a lullaby, but soothing none the less, and Maura feels her eyes get heavy as Jane swings quietly into the chorus again._

…Answers only make more questions, I need something to believe in, breathing sanctuary in the

Easy silence that you make for me. It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me  
And the peaceful quiet you create for me. And the way you keep the world at bay for me  
The way you keep the world at bay…

_The boys do not stir again, and when Jane hits the bridge, and her fingers slide into Maura's hair, she realizes that the smaller girl has fallen asleep as well._

* * *

_..._

"What are you thinking about?" Maura turns towards the whisper to see Jane looking back at her, dark eyes warm, and a little concerned.

"That night I stayed over at your house, and Frank came to the door."

Jane frowns. "Why are you thinking about that?" She lifts Isabelle's arm from around her waist so that she can scoot closer to Maura.

"I was watching Tommy and Frankie play rock paper scissors over who got to eat the last slice of pie, and…It just sort of came back to me." She looks at Jane feeling shy, suddenly, "It was the first time I felt…like I could be part of a family. Like I was part of your family."

Jane's smile is small, "You were my family long before that, Maur," she says quietly and Maura does not miss the modification that Jane has made to her sentence. Isabelle twitches in her sleep and Jane looks down at their sleeping children. It is Sunday tradition that the children read books and fall asleep in their parent's bed and tonight is no exception. Noah is asleep on Maura's chest and Isabelle is curled into Jane's side. Levi and Sofia are asleep horizontally at the foot of the bed, though Sofia's hand curves up and around Maura's leg, like reassurance.

"Should we get them to their beds?" Jane asks this but doesn't move.

Maura smiles, reaching blindly for Jane's hand so she doesn't wake the little boy on top of her, "They can stay the night," she says quietly. "I don't mind."

Jane squeezes her hand and she feels the brunette move to turn out the bedside light. Sofia grunts in her sleep, and frowns, her mouth working over the words of a dream.

"Mam," she says, eyes still closed, and she could be calling out for either one.

"Shhh, worrisome one," Jane says softly, leaning back against the pillows as Isabelle snuggles closer. "You're fine, little girl."

They lie there in silence for a while, although both women know that the other one is not sleeping. They listen to their children, to Sofia muttering, and Levi's deep, almost snore, breathing.

"I want to ask Constance to move closer to us." Maura says this before she can lose the nerve she's been working up all day.

There is a slight pause and then she feels Jane move in what might be a nod, "Okay."

"I want her to be here more. I want her to get to know Levi and Noah, and spend more time with _all_ of them," she is aware that her voice sounds a little argumentative, but she's not sure how to remedy that.

"Okay," Jane says again, softer.

"It's not that I don't love Angela, and Frankie and Tommy…or that I think they're-"

"Maur," Jane's voice has not gotten louder, but the firmness of her tone makes Maura stop talking. "I'm not fighting you on this. I think it's a great idea."

Maura is silent, trying to figure out what she wants to express, but Jane speaks again. "This is your family, Maura. It's not my family that you stumbled into. It hasn't been like that since you came back. Since before that, really. I know you haven't felt that…I know you don't always feel like…" Jane shifts, and Maura knows she's trying to express herself without the use of her hands. She smiles, waiting.

"This is your family," Jane repeats, "We are your family. And so is Constance. And it's time for those things to stop being so separate. I get it."

Maura feels awestruck. "Will there always be a new part of you that's waiting for me to discover it?" Maura knows Jane is smiling, even if she's looking at the ceiling and can't see her wife's face.

"I'm deep. Like an ocean."

"You're making fun, Jane, but that is not untrue."

A sigh. Her wife sliding down further under the covers, getting comfortable.

"Jane?"

"mmm."  
"That song you sang that night?"  
"mhmm."

"I've never heard you sing it again. It's not one you sing to the girls."

Jane sounds amused when she responds. "Of course I don't. It's not their song."

"Oh," Maura says, taken aback. "whose is it?"

Jane chuckles. "You are the dumbest genius I know, Maura," she whispers, and Maura feels her spine tingle as she realizes the answer just before Jane says it. "It's yours."

Maura closes her eyes, and Noah sighs against her, his thumb drifting to his mouth.

"Sing it?" she whispers, "please?"

There is silence long enough that Maura thinks Jane has either fallen asleep, or is declining her request. But then she feels Jane breathe in deeply.

_When the calls and conversations accidents and accusations  
Messages and misperceptions paralyze my mind,  
Busses, cars, and airplanes leaving burning fumes of gasoline  
And everyone is running and I come to find a refuge in the_

Easy silence that you make for me  
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me  
And the peaceful quiet you create for me  
And the way you keep the world at bay for me  
The way you keep the world at bay

Just like the night more than two decades ago, Maura is not awake to hear the bridge.

* * *

**Hi friends! I'm back! I hope you all had a wonderful and wonderfilled christmas and that you got everything you wanted. And for those of you who were wishing for a finale where we wouldn't have to witness Maura's unrequited love for an oblivious Jane? well...there's always next year. **

**Here's some fluff (this counts as fluff, right? the drama is in a flashback...) for you. I can't believe it's chapter 28 already. Nor can I believe that you humans have left me over 800 reviews. I am in awe of you all. seriously. I hope you'll keep enjoying! even though the real R&I is over until the summer. **

**To the guest who says I'm favoring the adopted kids over the girls...no. I don't think I am...There have been some Levi-centric chapters, because...there have to be after what he went through. But I'm not forgetting them in favor of the boys. never. They were not in the precinct scene where Jane almost strangles Leah, because I imagine them at daycare...and Noah's too young, and Levi's not ready. So...that's why they weren't there...**

**hope that clears it up for ya.**

**you guys rock. seriously. **

**bring on the new year!**

**happy reading. **

**tc**


	29. Chapter 29

Jane stomps her feet against the sidewalk, like she might be cold, but March is finally starting to warm up, and when Maura looks at her wife, she realizes that the brunette is more nervous than cold.

"Mama," Sofia says quietly, reaching for her hand, "Don't rub 'em like that. Member what Mommy said?"

Maura smiles as Jane lets her hands fall down by her side and Sofia takes one of them, rubbing it between her own slender palms. It is something both the girls have started doing, rubbing Jane's hands during down time, when they are on her lap watching TV, or when she is reading them their bedtime story. Jane smiles a little. "Thanks, nug," she says.

"You nervous?" Levi is standing beside her, close enough that there is no visible space between them. He looks up at Jane with concerned blue eyes.

"I am a little nervous," Jane admits, "for you. You sure you feel ready? You sure you don't want us to drive you?"

Levi grins a little, and Maura can tell he is actually more excited than he is nervous. "I always used to ride the bus." He says. "Jeremy and Finn ride the bus and we play x-men on the way."

"You membered to bring your doll?" Isabelle asks, eying is new back pack.

"Action figure," Levi mutters, "yeah. I got it."

Isabelle hangs on Maura's hand, brow furrowed, "Man doll."

"Action figure," Levi says a little louder.

"Enough," Maura says quickly, tugging Isabelle to the other side of her, shifting Noah to her opposite hip."Honestly, the two of you, it's every day."

Jane clicks her tongue, "Every day? It's every hour. Maybe spending more time away from each other is just what you guys need."

This is true. Levi and Isabelle have more fights than Jane and Maura can keep track of. It's been enlightening and interesting to watch their daughters settle into their new family life. Although it seemed at first that Sofia would have the most trouble with acclimation, she rarely fights with either of her brothers.  
Actually, Maura muses, looking down at her dark haired daughter, seemingly lost in contemplation of her mother's hand, Sofia rarely fights with anyone. She is quiet and observant and intense, and the hardest to draw out of her shell.

"You guys are going to miss each other when you're all at school and don't get to hang out so much."

Isabelle rolls her eyes, "Mommy. We will see each other every single day. Get a grip."

Jane manages to both swallow her chuckle and force her voice into something like authority, "Isabelle, watch your tone,"

Isabelle kicks at the curb. "sorry," she mutters, not sorry at all.

"I'll miss you Levi," Sofia says from the other side of Jane.

Levi looks at her and smiles. "You too, Fee."

The big yellow bus swings suddenly into view and, Levi's face lights up. He looks up at Jane for permission as it hisses to a stop beside them. Two eager little faces press up against the window, waving and calling out through the glass.

"That's Finn and Jeremy!" he says excitedly, and Jane nods, raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah? Well, what are you standing around here for then?" She says smiling, "Go on."

He hugs her.

Jane wasn't expecting it, but she hugs him back hard. And when he pulls back he turns and hugs Maura too. He steps back and looks at them all.

"Bye…family," he says.

Jane laughs. Maura smiles, gesturing towards the door. "We'll be right here at four. Or Nona or Tommy will be, okay?"  
Levi nods but does not look back. He bounds up the stairs, and calls out to his friends, his voice young and high in his excitement. He settles down in one of the seats next to his friend, already talking a mile a minute. The bus starts to pull away, and even though Levi is already deep in conversation with the two boys, he does not forget to wave good-bye.

Jane turns to the girls, and Maura sees that she is a little misty. "Okay, little girls. time to go to school!"

"Mama, when do we get to ride the bus?"

"when you are seven, like your brother."

Sofia sighs as she turns back to the house. "Oh, Mama...That's _ages_ from now."

...

Jane straps the girls and Noah into their carseats, turning back to the door and turns to kiss her wife. "You nervous?"

Maura nods, and Jane leans in to kiss her. "I want you to remember one thing," she whispers.

"what?"

"This is your family. No matter what."

Maura is about to respond when Noah shrieks, both women turn to see Sofia grab at Noah's juice cup again. Jane rolls her eyes.

"For better or worse," she says kissing Maura good-bye. "I'll see you this afternoon?"

Maura nods.

"I love you. Love you babies. Be good!"

"Bye Mommy!" Sofia and Isabelle call, and Noah waves from between them.

Maura smiles as the car pulls away.

_Remember this is your family._

...

* * *

"Thank you so much for meeting me here, Mother. I know you're only in town overnight, and that your schedule is quite full,"

Constance signals for a waiter without taking her eyes off her daughter. "Of course, Maura. You said it was of some importance, that it couldn't be done over the phone, and who knows when I'll be back through before Levi's birthday. That's the next event, is it not?" Constance turns to the waiter who has materialized and Maura feels her smile falter a little bit.

She's been planning this lunch for weeks, ever since her mother said that she would be coming through. But now that the moment is here, all the ways she's started this conversation in her head sound dumb and contrived.

"Maura?" Constance is trying to get her attention.

"mm? I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Did you want you usual? the spring salad? With chicken?"  
Maura smiles, "Yes. That would be lovely, thank you."

The waiter gives a small bow and disappears, and Constance surveys her daughter, a tiny frown creasing her brow. "Well, I'd make polite small talk for a couple minutes if I wasn't afraid you weren't going to pass out on me. So let's just jump in with both feet, shall we." Constance looks at Maura closely. "You're not pregnant are you?"

Maura lets out a breathy sort of laugh, "No."

Constance smiles, "Well. That's something..." She waits but Maura does not add anything to the conversation. She twists her napkin in her lap, bitting her lip. "You're frightening me," Constance says quietly, and Maura looks up into her mother's face, trying to find the courage to speak. _I want to talk to you about our family. _Maura takes a deep breath, "I want to talk to you about...our family."

Constance's eyebrows shoot up. "You're not doing much to allay my fears, Maura."

Maura swallows, _Jane and I were discussing how often Angela sees the girls versus how often they're able to see you. _

"I want you to move closer to us." It comes out in a rush and totally against her will. She looks down at her plate, her face flushing furiously. She waits for her mother to say something, but the silence stretches between them.  
Maura tries to calm her heart, and chances to look up at her mother. Constance sits as though paralyzed, her eyes wide and fixed on Maura.

"Mother?"

"You would like me to...move?"

"You're so good with the girls," Maura says quickly. Now that she has started, it doesn't seem that she can stop. "And you're going to love Levi an Noah. They are really great, wonderful kids. And It'll be Levi's birthday and then mine and then the fourth July, and...It doesn't make sense for you to be so far away from us." She looks hopefully into Constance's face, trying to read the expression there. Maura frowns...it looks like...pain. "Mother?" She reaches across the table suddenly, taking Constance's hand, "It's really going by so quickly. I want them to know you...Don't you want them to know you?"

For maybe the second time in her life, Constance appears to be speechless. She works her jaw for several seconds, before finally finding her voice. "I don't...I didn't know you felt so strongly about my presence in your children's life."

"Of course I do!" Maura says, feeling a rush of excitement. Her mother actually seems to be considering it. "Of course I do, mother, in all of our lives. In _my _life too..." she says this without thinking, and feels Constance's hand flinch in her own. She looks up into her mother's eyes, allowing herself to feel hopeful. "Oh, if you moved closer, you could babysit and see them whenever you wanted. You could teach them so much. Sofia's been asking about painting and drawing, and you know that I'm alright, but I'm nothing compared to you!" She's rambling, she can hear herself, but she can't stop. Especially not when her mother is looking back at her, an affectionate little smile playing over her lips.

"And every Sunday, well, not every Sunday, but most of them, we have family dinner. Every one comes and we play cards and eat and talk and...Oh. I've been wanting you there for ages, mother."

The change is immediate and complete. Constance's face goes hard and polite, like, well, like it usually is. She pulls her hand gently away from Maura's who looks down at the absence, confused.

"Oh, darling, what am I thinking. It couldn't possibly work."

"What?" Maura feels blindsided, panicky. "Wait-" she tries to replay the conversation in her head, "What happened. Was it something I said?"

Constance smiles the way a mannequin would smile if it could move it's lips. "No, no, Maura, I just got carried away. But let's think logically about it, dear." She reaches out and pats Maura's hand twice. Each one feels like a slap across the face. "It would never work."

...

* * *

...

"Maur, when you get a chance can you text me name of that toxin you found in the Langley victim?"

"You're going to have to give me a moment, Detective. I have several things that I'm doing today and believe it or not, they don't all revolve around you."

Maura knows that she's not going to get away with that. She'd yelled at her wife in the middle of the bullpen. Frost and Korsak and Frankie and half a dozen other stunned looking faces darting between hers and Jane's.

For her part, Jane had not bitten back, nor had she played off the incident with a snarky comment of jab. She'd looked at Maura for a long, long moment, while the bullpen waited like it was the final serve of a tennis match.

"Whenever you get to them will be fine, Doctor Isles." She'd said it without any note of sarcasm, not even as she'd used her wife's full title, just _whenever you get to them_. No heat. And Maura had turned on her heel, making sure that her pumps made the maximum amount of noise as she headed towards the elevator.

She knows what they are up there doing now, and it makes her feel guilty to think about. They are sitting around making fun of Jane now, she can hear them as plainly as if she is in the room with them.

_Rizzoli you are totally whipped. _

_Marry Me, Janie, then maybe you'll stop busting my balls. _

_It's not like I blame you though...The Queen of the Dead gives me the chills too._

.

Queen of the Dead. Maura leans over the body, trying to focus, pretending it doesn't bother her that some of them still call her that. Focusing on the fact that her phone is buzzing with Barry Frost's ringtone and it's sure to say something comforting and noninvasive.

She sighs, looking down at the body on her table. "The victim is a white female, approximately twenty five to twenty eight years old. She appears in overall good health with recent dental work, including a filling in the," Maura leans closer, "first bicuspid, right posterior."

Maura snaps the recorder off, frowning.

"Did your mother love you?" She asks, leaning back against clean exam table behind her. "Did she love you enough to do things for you even though they wouldn't be convenient or 'practical.'" Maura makes air quotes, rolling her eyes.

"But that's what she instilled in me, isn't it. To be logical and practical and think rationally at all times. weigh the consequences. It's why I'm so good at what I do...because of her..."

Maura runs her hand through her hair, laughing wryly. "I am the Queen of the Dead, clinical. Rational." She points at the cadaver like it has argued with her. "But I'm going to find out what happened to you and how and who did it," she says. vehemently, "And surely that counts for something. And it's because of her that I can do those things. That Jane and Barry and Vince and I are the best...the best _fucking_ team in the country." She shakes her finger a little. Or maybe her finger is shaking. "Let them call me that," she whispers, "Let them. What do I care. She taught me not to care when they called me boring or snobby or-or-" but she thinks of all the other horrible names that people called her and she can't go on. "What's Queen of the Dead to all of that?"

"No one calls you that anymore."

The voice makes her jump and she turns to see Jane leaning against the doorframe.  
"Jane!"

Jane stands straight at once, looking apprehensive. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I swear," she says, "I just came to see if you were alright. And if you want, I will leave you alone..."

Maura shakes her head, turning back to the body, and after a moment of silence, she hears Jane step forward slowly.

"My mother doesn't want to move here," Maura says, and she's surprised when a tear falls onto the exam table in front of her. She wipes at her eyes, "She says it's not practical."

Jane makes a disgruntled noise behind her, but Maura doesn't hear her move closer. The doctor knows she is waiting, that she knows that Maura will give her some sort of sound that she wants to be held when she is ready. The realization that the detective knows her so well does not make her feel better, however, it makes her sadder. angrier. "She said..." Maura tries to remember exactly, "She said that when one weighs each factor...it just doesn't make any kind of sense." Maura's voice breaks, and she puts her hand over her chest as though the crack in her voice is indicative of the same thing happening in her heart. She looks up at Jane, and the brunette takes another step towards her that seems almost involuntary.

"Oh, Maura."

"Yes," Maura nods, and she reaches out, "yes, yes, please."

Jane has the doctor in her arms in two steps. She pulls the smaller woman to her as she cries, holding on tightly, murmuring.

"It's me. It must be me..." Maura chokes out between sobs, and Jane tightens her grip.

"No." she says fiercely. "No. Don't think like that, Maur. Don't go there."

Maura tries to get ahold of herself enough to apologize for snapping at Jane earlier. For not sending her the tox report like she'd promised. But Jane's deep alto is in her ear, soothing and sweet and gentle, telling her how beautiful and special and wonderful she is, and Maura doesn't think she can do anything but hold onto this woman for all that she is worth.

"Jane," she manages.

"Shh," Jane kisses her. "I know."

* * *

...

Frost shows up just as Jane is shutting the door to Levi's bedroom. Maura opens the door with a confused smile, standing back to let him in. "Barry. Is it the Langley case? I thought that-"

"Nope," Frost smiles, nodding at Jane as she descends the stairs. "Official best friend slash partner business."

Jane smiles, grabbing their coats out of the closet. "Thank you so much, Frost. They're all down and we shouldn't be more than...two or three hours at the _most._"

Frost nods, grinning at Maura's increasingly confused face. "Take as long as you need. You've still got fudge clusters in the cabinet, right?"

Jane grabs her keys, slipping her arm around Maura's waist. "Hands off, mister," She says pulling her wife to the door. "Come on, Maur. We can't be late."

...

The ride is short and try as Maura might, she cannot get Jane to tell her what she is up to. "Jane-"

"Shush, Maur, we're here."  
Maura looks up at the hotel, her frown deepening. "My mother is staying here, Jane," she says turning to look at the detective. "As much as I would like to..." She bites her lips and runs her eyes over the detective, "can we pick another place?"

Jane's eyes widen. "Oh, my God, no." She laughs after a moment, "I mean...yes...you are a genius and that is a brilliant and...totally hot idea, but you're off the mark tonight." She gets out of the car and comes around the passenger side. "Come on, honey. Let's go."

Constance is in the lobby bar, pouring over an art journal and Maura feels her legs lock up as Jane pulls her forward.

"Constance," Jane's voice carries clearly and the older woman looks up, her eyes widening as Jane stops in front of her. She points at Constance and then at Maura, gathering herself.  
Maura closes her eyes.

"This woman is your daughter." And Maura's eyes open and focus on her wife, because she has never heard Jane's voice like this. Deep and raspy and angry but also terribly affectionate and understanding. "This is your daughter. And you hurt her. And she doesn't understand why you did what you did."

Jane looks at Constance, her brown eyes searching the older woman's face. She squints a little, like her mother in law is far away and Jane can't see her clearly. "I don't understand it either. because I know you love her. And I know you love our children..."

She pulls out the chair across from Constance and guides Maura into it. She presses a kiss to her wife's temple, and looks back at Constance. "Fix it," She says quietly, "Whether you end up moving here or not. You owe her a better explanation than 'it's not logical' because I know you love her, and I know she loves you, and whether you meant to or not, you _hurt _her." She straightens up, her hand lingering on Maura's shoulder. "I'll be in the lobby."

Both Isles women watch her stride away and around the corner, and then Maura looks back at her mother.

She tries to smile, but is sure it looks more like a grimace. "I'm sorry, mother, I didn't know she was going to do this. We can have a drink and then I'll be out of your hair."

Constance looks away from the doorway slowly, and looks at her daughter. Maura feels her stomach tighten. But then Constance smiles, shaking her head.

"She is a bit frightening when she's worried about you," Constance says, chuckling a little.

Maura smiles nervously, "She hates it when I cry."

Constance looks shocked. "So do I, Maura."

Silence.

Constance looks back at the door, and then at Maura again. "Let me get you a drink," she says putting her hand into the air. "And we will set to work."

Maura stares, "Work doing what?"

Constance looks at her like she's crazy. "Fixing it, of course."

Maura feels herself smiling.

"Of course."

* * *

**FA! you've returned to review! I love it. Got some mixed opinions on Leah...some of you feel bad for her, some of you think she got what she deserved...well. my jury is still out. clearly...it's time for some constance. :) **

**davis, julez, boo, rizzles,anyfey, jujuchick, everythingshazy, Emerald Demona, cstarj, gallifreyancircles, Thank you guys so much!  
Jobee, BNH, AE. you guys and your reviews...seriously... I think that one thing I've been disappointed with in the series is the lack of continuity...with anything.  
I hope that if you look within this story, and even between this and JGMAR, you'll find some... **

**anyway. here's pt. 1 of a three story arc. hope you enjoy. definitely let me know. and as always. **

**Happy Reading!**

**tc**


	30. Chapter 30

_"Mrs. Isles!" Constance looks up from the journal she's reading, the sound of the housekeeper's cry making her heart skip. She stands, slipping her heels on and hurries from her study. _

_"Toni?" she calls. They have just moved into the house in Beverly Hills, and trying to find anyone anywhere is a little bit like playing Marco Polo in the world's biggest pool. _

_"In here!" The woman calls back, and Constance sighs, irritated. _

_"In where, exactly?" she calls again, heading in the direction she thinks the voice has come from. Charles has just begun to see some money from his investments and this house is a gift and an apology for all the time he is away from his wife and daughter. Constance thinks it is much too big for them, even with the fleet of staff that seems to always be around. _

_Constance rounds the corner to the sitting room to find Toni and Maura on the couch, a big picture book propped up between them. Constance scans either of them for signs of harm, but both are smiling widely. Maura looks up when Constance enters the room and her smile broadens. _

_"Hi!" she says cheerfully, and then looks back down at the book. _

_Constance doesn't immediately smile back at her daughter. She feels what she always feels when she looks at the little girl: a burning, tense, sort of worry. A deep hurting love that makes her ribs ache. _

_"What was so important, Toni, that you had to scream as if the house were on fire?" _

_Her tone wipes the smile off of both their faces. Maura tilts her head and surveys Constance with a sort of, half confused have detached look, and the woman feels her fists clench. _

_"I'm very sorry ma'am. I was only just excited," Toni says quietly. "Maura can read!" she squeezes the little girl on her lap as she says this and Maura giggles, turning her light eyes too look up at her mother. "Can read!" she echoes. _

_Constance shakes her head, saying the first thing that comes to her mind. "That's impossible." _

_Maura's face falls, and she looks up at Toni for instruction._

_"Here, pumpkin," Toni say, opening the book. "Show Mama how you read this." _

_Maura tosses her little golden curls around and looks down at the page to where the house keeper is pointing at a word. _

_"Tha," Maura says, and, following the woman's finger, she begins to read, "dog. has. a. stuh-stih-ck. Stick. Tha dog runs aff- aff- after tha stick. Run. dog. run!" _

_Maura and Toni look up at Constance who stands looking down. Shell shocked. "How…" _

_"I don't know!" Toni says excitedly, squeezing Maura again. "I mean, I been reading to her from magazines…showin' her the pictures and such…and she always had this little face on when I would…like she was concentrating real hard…but I never thought…" _

_Constance looks into Maura's face, her green eyes looking hopefully back up at her. Constance shakes her head. "How is this possible? She's barely two." _

_Maura looks from Constance to Toni, and her eyes are puzzled. "I'm free," she says, and Toni nods. _

_"Maura is three, Mrs. Isles. She was three at the end of May." _

_"Thh" Maura says, brow furrowed. "thhhree. Three." _

_Toni smiles, "see? She's always doing things like that. And watch. Mo-mo, how many fingers is three?" _

_Maura holds three fingers up to her mother. "three!," she says, and then carefully lifting another pudgy finger "four!" and the last one, "five!" _

_Constance stares, but Toni pulls Maura tightly to her, kissing the tiny head, "So good! You're such a bright little girl! So talented! I'm so proud of you!" _

_Constance feels several emotions all at once, and many of them are too painful for her to acknowledge at all. Instead, she latches onto the easiest one and orders Toni from the room. The housekeeper gets up slowly, eyeing Constance warily. She seems to know that some type of line has been crossed, but is unsure how to remedy it. _

_"Bye, Toni!" Maura says, smiling after her. Constance waits until the other woman has rounded the corner out of sight before pulling the door to the sitting room shut. She turns to look at Maura who is eyeing her with mild interest, and tries to remember the last time they were alone together, just the two of them. She cannot. She moves over and sits down next to the child and Maura immediately tries to sit in her lap. Constance pushes her back, startled at the show of affection and also wanting to be able to look at her daughter. Maura frowns, but does not try again. She sits still while Constance takes in her dark blonde curls and green eyes, the cleft of her chin. People at parties and galas always comment on how much they look alike, but Constance cannot see anything of herself in this little girl. _

_"You can read." She says quietly, and her voice is full of awe and bitterness. "You can read and you've turned three. I had nothing to do with either of those things, just as I had nothing to do with making you." Like a sting, she remembers the way it had felt when the doctor told her she could not have children. The way Charles' hand had jerked out of hers at the news. How she was still waiting for it to come back. _

_Maura's eyes are trained on her mother's face, and she frowns trying to comprehend what is being said. _

_"I've turned three," she mimics after a moment, very seriously. "I can read." _

_Love and possession are warring inside Constance as she looks at this girl looking back at her. "Who taught you that?" _

_"Toni." _

_Constance shakes her head. "No. Mother taught you that. Do you know who your mother is?" _

_Maura puts her tiny finger against Constance's heart. "Mother." She says, and Constance takes the tiny hand in hers, pulling it to her lips, gasping a little because she has never heard anything more beautiful in her life. _

_"Yes. I'm your mother. I taught you to read." She pauses for a moment. "Who taught you to read?" _

_Maura smiles, "mother." _

_Constance smiles back, "Brilliant." _

* * *

"I don't remember that," Maura says this to comfort the woman across from her, because Constance looks old and tired and immeasurably sad. "I don't remember Toni. Not at all. Even if I was cognitively ahead of my age, memory building can take the normal amount of time to-" but Constance waves her away, putting her thumb and forefinger to the bridge of her nose.

"I haven't told you so you'll remember," she says quietly, "I've told you so that you'll understand why I can't move here."

"But I don't," Maura says, leaning forward, "I don't understand."

Constance sighs.

* * *

...

_She follows Maura in her car, how can she not? Maura walks with a definite purpose, pulling out her phone to check something before turning left at a corner. She doesn't turn around or look over her shoulder, but Constance keeps the car at a safe distance none the less. Her own phone is in her lap, 911 already dialed. She hates thinking of Maura walking the streets of downtown Boston all alone and she would rather sell everything she owns than get another call in the middle of the night that tells her that her daughter is unconscious in a hospital bed. She sucks in a deep breath as she watches her daughter descend the stairs to the metro, the green line. Constance turns left. She knows exactly where Maura is going. _

_They'd fought, and although Constance doesn't remember exactly what she'd said in the fog of her terror and anger, but she might have called her daughter's girlfriend a dog. _

_Her daughter's girlfriend. _

_It is not so much the fact that her daughter has fallen in love with another girl, but that fact that this girl has changed her. She is talking more, smiling more. And she is neglecting her mind in favor of this girl. Constance shakes her head. It's like she doesn't know this child anymore. _

_And indeed when Maura's blonde curls appear, stepping down off the train (unhurt, thank God. Constance breathes a sigh of relief) she watches the way her child folds herself into the taller girl without any hint of embarrassment, slipping her hands under the girl's jacket and pulling her closer. _

_For her part, Jane doesn't seem to mind, and as Constance studies her, she scowls at a couple passing by, pulling Maura closer protectively, speaking to her the entire time. She's gotten taller since the last time Constance laid eyes on her, tall enough to tuck Maura under her chin, which she does, and Constance feels fear bite at the back of her throat. She looks too skinny, and her hair is tangled and long down her back. She looks wild and untamable and like she could kiss Maura and then leave her behind. Fierce, like she could break anything in her path, especially her little girl, with her heart that seems to stay fragile and new and hoping, no matter what Constance does. _

_She follows them along the road, watching as Jane slips her hand into Maura's, watching as they stop to look in the window of a bakery, as Jane resists, and resists again, and then finally lets herself be led inside. _

_She parks and waits until she sees them come out, Maura holding a cup full of something steamy, and Jane, unwrapping a candy bar. Maura looks disgruntled, worried, but Jane talks at her until she smiles grudgingly, watching with something like adoration as Jane takes the cup from her, sipping and handing it back. And then she leans forward, and Constance realizes with a sick swoop of her stomach that Maura is going to kiss this girl. _

_But she stops mid lean and pulls back, embarrassed and nervous, already apologizing, the hand without the coffee gesticulating wildly. Constance wants to get out of the car and drag her daughter over to it, put her in the back seat and take her home. She wants to lock her up and not let her out until the world will be kind to her always, or she is strong enough to deal with it when they are not. She is not an Isles by blood, but never in her life has Constance wished she was so badly. Never in her life has she wanted to protect something so much. To keep it safe and whole. This is not her child. She is something better. Something worth fighting for. _

_But Jane takes Maura's hand. Stilling it firmly. And she leans down and presses her lips to Maura's._

_And Maura's face when she pulls away. The way she looks up into Jane's eyes..._

_Constance grips her steering wheel so hard her knuckles are white. _

_She is visited by one single thought. Fierce and deep and more maternal than anything she's ever experienced. _

_Protect her._

_..._

* * *

Maura is crying, and Constance's voice is going hoarse.

"None of this explains why you don't want to move here. Why you don't want to be here, with us." Maura takes her mother's hand "With me."

"Because I'm nothing like you." Constance looks both angry and terrified at this statement. "Because I've never been terribly good at…any of it. You've become this…_woman_. You're smart and composed and dedicated and beautiful, and you have a wonderful. beautiful family. And despite my best efforts, none of that came from me. Everything you have is _despite_ me. I spent my life loving you and I spent my life breaking you. Teaching you that dissociating from your feelings is the way to get ahead in life. I kept you _away_, Maura." Constance's face is lined with misery. "And I can't forgive myself for that."

"I have," Maura says, tears running down her cheeks, "So. this is some kind of punishment then? Like a self imposed exile? I've _forgiven_ you, Momma, and I love who you are with my children. I love who you are with me and even with Jane. Why can't you forgive yourself too?"

Constance takes one, long shuddering breath, and reaches down beside her, into her purse.

* * *

...

_She opens it because it is the first one in several months, more than half a year. She knows this because Rochelle sends her an email every time she files one away. _

_She opens it because she is at home when it comes and because the script on the front is shaky and child like, not at all like the tall thin confident writing from the past. She opens it because when she looks at her daughter nowadays there does not seem to be anything left of the fifteen year old who'd almost passed out with joy on the sidewalk outside of a bodega in Downtown Crossing. _

_It doesn't matter. Seven hundred and twenty two of it's friends have come before it. And she opens this one. _

_Dear Maura,_

_the first thing I do with my hands is to write you. But this will be the last one. It's not because I don't love you anymore. God. I will never stop loving you. You're still the only person for me. You're still the only one I want. _

_When I thought Hoyt was going to kill me. You're the only want I wanted to see. _

_But I'm glad you're gone now, Maur, because if you were here you'd see me like this. you'd see what he's done. How I'm broken now. And I wouldn't want any of that. I couldn't live with it. _

_It's the job I do, and I'm not saying I mind it, or that I can't do it. because fuck, Maura, every victim I see I think what if it was you. What if it was you and no one was out there fighting for you. _

_I still do everything for you. old habits..._

_Look. what I'm saying is it's okay if you stay gone. _

_I don't want you to know me like this. To have my demons be your demons. to sit up waiting for someone who might not come home. _

_I love you so much. I hope your safe and happy and loved. _

_That's all I want in the world. _

___Jane._

...

_Constance looks up the case. She looks up Hoyt and Detective Jane Rizzoli and she gets the front page article of the Globe from four and a half months ago. And there, splashed across her computer screen is Jane Rizzoli, eyes shut tight against the pain, palm up and stretched out to the paramedic, jaw tight. And through the palm of her hand, is one gleaming silver scalpel. _

_It makes constance gasp, all that red. _

_She looks at the headline. __**Detective a hero, saves a woman, but at what cost.**_

_Constance skims the article, her frown deepening, and after a moment, she puts her head in her hand, unable to keep reading. _

_Constance does not think "What have I done." She does not immediately hate herself for keeping Jane's letters a secret. She looks at the piece of paper sitting in front of her. _

_All she has to do is take it with her on her flight to Switzerland and hand it over. Explain everything and withstand the tight lipped anger that her daughter has become so adept at. All she has to do is say, "Forget Garrett. Forget me. Go back to Boston." And she will have made this right. _

_So she tucks it away in her purse and she boards the plane, and the entire way there she is preparing herself. Getting ready. _

_But then her daughter is in front of her, in a stunning black dress, and high heeled shoes, and her hair is pulled back and beautiful and she is radiant.  
The dinner table is set perfectly. _

_Maura kisses all of their dinner guests on both cheeks, and she introduces Constance to everyone. "I'm sure she needs no introduction. She is incomparable." _

_And the letter stays where it is. _

_Constance cannot do it. Maura is everything she's ever wanted and more. _

_She is an Isles._

* * *

_..._

"Constance."

Jane's voice makes the older woman's head jerk around. She stands, wiping at her eyes, smoothing down her dress for something to do.

"Jane...I didn't...I thought you'd left." It has been almost forty five minutes since Maura has left the table, white faced and speechless. Constance had said "I'm sorry," more than a dozen times between the quiet gasps of her tears. There was nothing else she could say. And when Maura had stood without a word, Constance had not even bothered to ask her to stay.

As she looks at Jane, she notices the letter sticking out of her front pocket and she looks up into the detective's face, clearly terrified. "I'm-I'm so sorry," she says quickly, putting her hands out. "I will stay away from your children. And your wife. I-"

But Jane frowns, putting up her hand, and Constance falls silent. "Maura's not ready to talk to you yet."

Constance nods, "I understand."

"She's going to need some time."

Constance nods again, more slowly this time. "Of course."

"Can you stay with us through Easter?"

The older woman gapes. "What?"

"Can you stay through Easter?" Jane says this like she is discussing something as casual as the weather. "That's two weeks. It will give you a chance to really get to know the boys. You're welcome to our guest room of course. But you might not get much quiet. And I know you like quiet." Jane raises her eyebrows as Constance seems to lose her balance, sinking back down into her chair.

"I-I don't understand."

Jane moves to sit across from her, and for a moment they just sit there, until Constance fidgets uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry, does not begin to express how I feel." the older woman says quietly.

Jane nods, dipping her head to catch Constance's eye. "It was a fucked up thing to do." She says simply.

"I-I'm due in Brussels tomorrow."

"Cancel it."

"And Barcelona shortly after that."

"Cancel it too. Your daughter is asking you to stay through easter."

Constance looks up at Jane, her eyes wide. "She is?"

Jane considers her for a long time. Constance tries her best not to look away, but it is hard. Those brown eyes are so intense, it's like she's being x-rayed.

"Let me amend that statement," Jane says quietly, and she stands up, offering her hand.

"Your _daughters_ are asking you to stay."

The older woman is still for a moment, her eyes on the long finger hand in front of her. She bites her lip.

"If you run away from her now, you really will lose her forever," Jane's words are so soft that she might not even have said them. They might just be Constance's own voice, ringing in her head. She reaches out, letting Jane help her to her feet.

"Your guest room sounds wonderful."

* * *

**I'm not sure that thank you even means anything anymore. it doesn't begin to cover what I feel when I see all your reviews. islandlover, bless your heart. thats what I do when my phone pings with a follower or some such. davis...i. f*cking love you. period. Everythingshazy...did it go the way you thought it would? don't worry. It's not over yet. JMpack, heatwave, fergz, norpan (welcome!). ravens trinity, socks lost, rielbrat. Tvcrazed (AH. Thank you!) luvreading, ireallyneedalife, Sandy Ford, youthink.  
bnh, jobee, AE. **

**GAH my tiny heart. I can't take it. **

**honestly. It makes me so happy to see all of you, day after day, leaving comments for me. READING THIS AND LEAVING COMMENTS. I started JGMAR in september and was like. I hope I get five followers. ten would be cool. **

**so...god damn it you guys...I can't even. **

**I'm jumping straight into pt. III so. Hope you'll stick around! Should be up tomorrow late afternoonish. (for those of you who've asked. I'm EST over here, so...do the math) **

**happy reading **

**tc. **


	31. Chapter 31

The noise of the family rises and falls as Angela opens and shuts the door, coming to sit next to Constance on the front step. It's her first Sunday Family Dinner ever, and although she'd been enjoying herself immensely, she had to step out for a moment. To collect herself.

"We're a pretty rowdy bunch," Angela says, smiling over at the other woman, "but you'll get used to us. With time."

Constance smiles halfheartedly, but doesn't answer. She and Angela have never had any kind of extended interaction, and she doesn't quite know how to speak to this woman who has embraced her daughter with such open arms.

"We're getting ready to play liar," Angela says after another couple of minutes of silence. "It's the card game bullshit, actually," she says with a nervous glance following her swear. "Frankie and Janie's favorite game since they knew what a lie was." She chuckles and looks over to see Constance wipe at a tear.

"Oh, Mrs. Isles, I-"  
"Constance, please. Call me Constance."

"Constance. I'm sorry. I can leave you alone if you'd like. That's why you came out here, of course..."

"No. No. I just..." Constance looks at Angela, trying to gather her thoughts. "I don't know Maura's favorite childhood game." Constance shakes her head, her voice bitter, "There's a nanny out there somewhere who knows, I'm sure...but not me."

Angela is quiet for a moment, and Constance finds herself enjoying the company and the amiable silence they share. Angela reaches out and takes Constance's hand.

"I'm afraid that I haven't been a very good mother at all." Constance says quietly, looking down at Angela's hand in hers. "I'm not sure I have any right to want to be apart of her family."

Angela doesn't answer right away, and they sit listening to Jane and Levi's muffled yelling.

"I let my husband put my daughter in the hospital seven times. She probably should have gone more, but she hid it from me."

More silence.

"Our children are amazing." Angela says after a moment. "It's sort of like they did it all on their own, isn't it?"

Constance nods. "Maura definitely did most of it on her own. I was gone as much as I was away."

"You don't have to tell me. There was a three year stretch where I think I might have seen Jane twice.' Angela chuckles ruefully, "I worked three jobs at one time. Left before they got up, came home after they were asleep." She stops speaking abruptly as memories come back to her. Constance watches her struggle for a moment, lost in the past. She finally seems to let go of whatever is causing the pained look on her face, and looks at Constance, smiling weakly. "We've failed them."

Constance sighs, nodding. "Many times."

"But you haven't failed your grandchildren. From what I hear, you were even a hero for them on one occasion." Another flash of sadness passes over Angela's face and Constance knows that her moment of truth was one of Angela's failings.

"Do we deserve a do over?" Constance's voice is quiet and pleading, truly asking.

"Our children seem to think we do."

"Do you think we do?"

Angela sighs, and she squeezes Constance's hand in her own. "I think that I will never love anything as much as I love my daughter. She's my first born, my only girl." Angela pauses, waiting for the tears in her eyes to disappear. "And I made so many mistakes. But I love her. I love her and I love Maura and I love their children. And I would never pass up an opportunity to be better and show her that I'm capable of change."

Constance looks into the other woman's eyes. "_Are _we capable of change?"

Angela nods. "Yes."

"Nona? Gramma?" Isabelle appears in the doorway behind them and both women turn to look at her.

"Hey golden girl!" Angela says, holding out her arms. Isabelle comes to sit on her lap.  
"What are you guys doing out here away from everyone?"

"We're just talkin."

"Come inside and play liar, Mommy told me to come check on you."

Constance's heart lifts a little as she hears which woman has sent Isabelle out. Angela begins to struggle to her feet and Isabelle moves to put her hand in Constance's.

"Je suis contente, grand-mère. Je suis contente que tu sois ici avec moi."

Constance feels light headed, like she always does when one of the girls shows her such undiluted affection. Angela pulls the door open and the sound of the family hits them like a wall.

But Isabelle still hears her when she responds.

moi aussi, ma petite fille.

* * *

...

_Constance doesn't look up as Maura sits down next to her. She doesn't move at all. She holds herself still as though Maura is a wild animal that might decide to run if she moves. They sit side by side for a long time, Constance as still as she can be, Maura leaning forward, looking at her hands. It has been almost three days, and Maura has barely engaged with her at all. Constance waits as patiently as she can, and after a moment, Maura speaks. _

_"She used to wake up and find me gone." _

_Constance looks at her, startled, but doesn't say anything, waiting. _

_Maura frowns down at her fingers. "Jane. She used to dream that I was sleeping next to her. I would put my hand on her cheek and tell her to wake up. That I was right there," Maura's voice catches, but she pushes on, "And then when she woke up. I'd be gone." _

_"Maura,"  
"Consistently. For fifteen years. A week never went by that she didn't have that dream at least once." _

_"I'm so-"  
"I don't want to hear how sorry you are," Maura's voice has no heat.  
They fall silent. _

_"I love you," Constance pauses, but Maura doesn't answer. "Your entire life that's all I felt. Every time I looked at you. It was like this drum beat in my head all the time, and I couldn't see anything beyond it. You were this, this gift that I had to...hold on to. I had to hold onto you. I know it's not an excuse...I just..." Constance drops her head. "I wanted you to be my daughter." _

_"I was," Maura's voice is hard and steady. "I was from the moment you brought me home. I didn't know anything else." _

_"I couldn't-" _

_But Maura turns to look at her, "You looked at a picture of Jane with a scalpel through her hand. You looked at that picture and you knew how she felt and you knew what she wanted. What she needed. And...you did nothing." Maura stands up. "I can't do this. I thought I was ready, but I'm not." _

_"No," Constance's voice is strangled. "Maura, please." _

_But Maura turns on her heel and is gone, leaving Constance quite alone._

* * *

...

Jane dances with Noah in the kitchen. Constance comes down in the middle of the night because she can't sleep. Since their talk a few days ago, Maura has been decidedly distant, speaking to Constance when necessary, but never engaging more than that. Constance would have left many times over if it hadn't been for Jane. Somehow the brunette manages to both comfort Maura and reassure her mother in law without making either of them feel upset or neglected, and as Constance rounds the corner to the kitchen, she smiles at the sight.

Jane has her back to the door, as she moves, swaying in something almost like a slow motion waltz. Noah has his arms around her neck, his chin resting on her shoulder, and his eyes slide in and out of focus as he battles sleep.

"no, Mama," he mumbles as she slows down, thinking he's asleep.  
"shhh, little man, it's okay. Go to sleep." She starts her movements again, humming a little as she opens the fridge and grabs a bottle of water.

She really is graceful, Constance thinks, watching from the shadows of the hallway, half smiling as Jane turns what she's doing into a little tune.

_Gotta get some water, little man, hang on. Hope that it's cold. because you've been up every night this week and Mama's about to pass out from exhaustion. _

Noah mumbles again and his eyes finally close, his clasped hands falling limp, and Jane must feel the change because she stops humming and stands very still, waiting.

"thank god," she mumbles, taking a swig of the water and glancing at the clock on the microwave. "two thirty. That's better than last night, baby, what's keeping you up?" She leans against the counter, shifting the little boy so that she's cradling him, and Constance is in awe that someone so powerful can show such tenderness. "Maybe it's mommy's cooking," she whispers, pressing her lips to Noah's forehead. "Santa never should have gotten her that mexican cook book."

Constance's chuckle makes Jane whirl around. She steps out of the shadows, hands up apologetically.

"Jesus," Jane whispers, and then bounces a little on the balls of her feet, shifting Noah back up onto her shoulder. She looks a little embarrassed. "Constance, you scared me. I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, not at all. I was a bit thirsty. And then I didn't want to disturb you."

Jane nods, turning back to the fridge and grabbing another bottle of water. She holds it out but then pulls it back quickly just as Constance reaches for it.  
"Sorry. Sorry," Jane says quickly, turning around. "It's Poland Spring." She turns back to the fridge, pulling it open again. "Maura reminded me to get some Evian last week...it's in here somewhere..." She shifts things one handed, working to keep the half of her body that Noah is asleep on steady.

Constance takes Jane's free arm firmly, pulling her away from the refrigerator. She takes the bottle of water from Jane's hand and leans back against the opposite counter, her face despondent.

Jane straightens up, watching her.

"It's like I had this one idea in my mind about how to raise her, and what came out...what she absorbed..." Constance shakes her head, sighing again. "I could not care in the slightest about the brand of my bottled water," she says this bitterly, rolling her eyes, and Jane chuckles.

"What?"

"You looked like her, just then, Maura, "Jane clarifies, "or she looks like you." Constance stares, and after a moment, Jane continues, "She shakes her head and sighs just like that. It's how I know whether or not I've done something really wrong or just mildly aggravating."

Constance laughs, a real, honest to goodness laugh, but it is gone almost immediately. She turns away. "Thank you for the water."

Jane watches her go, frowning. "It's okay, you know," the calls after the retreating woman.

Constance turns.

Jane smiles hopefully, "It's okay to like me...a little."

"Oh," Constance crosses the distance back to Jane very quickly. "Oh, no. You're misunderstanding me... again." She takes Jane's free hand which has been running circles on Noah's back. "I like you very, very much. I like you so much that it is sometimes hard to look in the mirror every morning." She looks down at the hand she is holding and her fingers trace over the scars on Jane's hand. The detective works hard not to flinch, but Constance's hands are similar enough to her daughter's that she manages not to pull away.

"Your hands are a lot like hers too," Jane says quietly as Constance works her jaw. "You worked so hard to ignore your differences, trying to...make her better. You barely noticed how you are the same, and in some really...good ways."

"I am...so so-" but Jane shakes her head, pulling Constance so she's standing upright. Gently, she places the sleeping little boy in her arms. Noah shifts and frowns in his sleep, grumbling at the unfamiliar arms and for a moment, Constance looks terrified, like she's going to drop him and run. But Jane doesn't let go of either of them, and she fixes Constance's arms so that she's cradling her son the way he likes, and he turns into her, his thumb in his mouth.

"oh," Constance says looking down.

"Yeah," Jane says, smiling, and she pulls on Constance a little, swaying the three of them back and forth.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Both women are so caught up, that they don't see Maura turn away and head back down the hallway to the stairs.

* * *

...

_Angela walks into Jane and Maura's bedroom without knocking, to find her daughter crying on the bed. _

_"Jane!" _

_"Ma!" _

_Their voices could be coming from the same person. Angela is already backing out of the room. "I'm sorry. Levi thought Noah's blanket was in here. I'm -I should have knocked I-" _

_But Jane is wiping at her eyes and looking around. _

_"No. no it is in here, wait..." she looks around trying to act as though she wasn't just crying. _

_"Are you alright?" _

_Jane bends over to look under the bed, "yeah," the reply is muffled, but Angela can still hear the tears in her voice. she steps back a little as Jane straightens up with the blanket, handing it over. "Thanks, Ma." _

_Maura has run to the morgue to look in on something and Constance and Angela had offered to watch the kids while Jane took a nap. _

_Angela turns to go, but when she looks back over her shoulder, something about Jane's face makes her ask again. _

_"Jane, are you alright?" _

_her daughter makes a gesture that is very unlike herself, shrugging her shoulders noncommittally. _

_Angela lingers in the doorway. "Jane?" _

_"It's not my life that she was trying to control." Jane says quietly. _

_Angela frowns, "Constance?"  
"She was trying to direct Maura's life, you know? She was trying to...to keep her from me." _

_Jane's shoulders shiver as she tries not to start crying again, and Angela moves back to her, putting her hand on her daughter's shoulder. "It affected you too," Angela says quietly. "Of course it did. How could it not."_

_"I do want them to make up," Jane's voice is hard, "I know Maura wants to forgive her, she just has to find her way to it...I just...I'm just..." _

_Angela squeezes Jane's shoulder. "You're angry," she whispers, and Jane's eyes meet her mother's, wide and apologetic. _

_Angela remembers her conversation with Constance a couple days ago. _

_Do you believe we are capable of change? _

_Slowly, like Jane might spook if she moves too quickly, Angela reaches her hand up to cup her daughter's face. "It's okay to be angry or sad...or scared." Angela pauses, because this is the moment in the heart to heart where one of them usually disengages. Where Jane will huff and pull away, or where Angela will veer off, asking for something instead of reassuring. _

_But Jane looks at her mother, waiting, her expression open and waiting. _

_"It's okay," Angela says, and she feels her own thrill of fear. This is new territory for her. "You're an amazing woman, Janie. For bringing Constance here. For helping your wife," Angela moves her hand to tug gently on the back of Jane's neck, asking more than telling, and she is elated when Jane gives in, putting her head on her mother's shoulder. _

_"Ma," she says as Angela pulls her daughter closer. _

_"It's alright. You're amazing and I'm so proud of you, Jane." Angela holds tighter as Jane begins to cry again. "I'm so proud of you." _

_"She saw that picture. She knew how I felt and...she didn't care." Jane's voice is low. _

_Angela nods, but doesn't let go. She understands that later they will not talk about this, and that Jane will continue to support Maura, nudging her gently towards reconciliation with Constance. She understands, finally, that nothing more is needed in this moment than her comfort, and she gives it wholeheartedly._

_"Ma." Jane leans into her, _

_"I know, honey...I know. _

* * *

_..._

_"_Bonjour grand-mère. Je appelle Levi et je vais essayer d'être un petit-fils bien."

Constance whirls to see the little boy in the doorway, sweater vest on, bow tie around his neck but not done up. It is Easter Sunday and the family is getting ready to go to church.

He looks at her nervously...and when she doesn't respond right away he looks around at something behind the door frame that she can't see.

"Did I do it okay?"

Sofia's head appears around the doorway, and she looks up at her grandmother with a very Jane like grin. "yeah," she says back... "You did it real good."

"Je m'appelle," says another voice from out of sight. Isabelle.

Constance smiles and clears her throat, and Levi and Sofia look back up at her. Isabelle's face appears around the door frame too.

"Did you learn that just for me, Levi?" she asks, beckoning him over. He comes bashfully, hands deep in the pockets of his khaki pants.

"Yes. Sofia taught me."

"_AND ISABELLE," _comes an indignant little voice from out in the hall. Levi rolls his eyes.

"And Isabelle," he says, loudly enough for her to hear him. Constance laughs and reaches for his bow tie. He stiffens, but does not pull away.

"You're Mom's mom," he says, and she nods, focusing on her task.

"Her adopted mom."

Constance stops, startled, and Levi takes a step back seeing the look on her face. "s-sorry," he stammers, "Is it a secret?"

"No. No...no," Constance tries to think of other words, "no. It's not a secret. I just didn't know that she'd told you that."

Levi nods and steps forward again at her instruction. She pulls his lopsided bow tie out and starts over. Levi looks up into her face.

"Do you have any real babies?"

Constance frowns slightly, "Maura is my real baby," she says at once.

Levi shakes his head. "Like Isabelle and Sofia. Babies that came from your tummy."

Constance stops what she's doing and looks at the little boy. He looks back at her, waiting, and there is something more than regular curiosity in his face.

Constance leans back, patting her skirt, "Come here," she says, and she is a little taken aback when he scrambles up onto her lap without question. She raises her voice. "Little girls," she calls, "Come in here, please."  
They round the corner guiltily, not even bothering to pretend that they weren't lurking in the hall, and come to stand by her.

"Sofia, please tell Levi how much your mothers love Isabelle."

_"_Bigger than the biggest ocean, wider than the widest universe, more than the best cheeseburger on the planet," Sofia says immediately.  
Constance nods, she's heard both women say this several times in the past week. "How much do your mothers love Sofia, Isabelle?"

"The same," Isabelle says resolutely.

"What about Levi. How much do they love Levi?"

"The same," Both girls say at once, and Levi's eyes widen.

And Constance understands that even though Maura and Jane may have been saying it to him, he hasn't really grasped it until that moment. Until his sisters show that they know it too: the same. Plain and simple.

"You're their real baby," she whispers in his ear. "Just like your mommy is my real baby."

"All my real babies better go find some real coats to put on so that we are not _real_ late."

Maura is standing in the door way with Noah in her arms, and as they all scoot past her she puts the toddler down. "Take his hand, Isabelle and you hold onto the railing this time, I mean it. _Jane?!" _

Maura takes a step back into the hall.

"Yeah!" Her wife calls back.

"Coats! Here they come!"

"Coats. Check!"

Maura turns back to her mother, and Constance looks down at the floor. She cannot stand to look up into those sad green eyes.

"Mother," Maura's voice is...gentle. Constance looks up. "Thank you for that. For what you said to Levi."

"It's the truth."

Maura moves forward so that she and her mother are close enough that they could hug, if she wanted to. Constance feels her heart start to race.

"I need you to love me like that."

Constance blinks. "what?"

"I need you to love me like you love your grandchildren. unashamedly and without any type of social etiquette. I need you to say those things that you say to them...to me...sometimes."

Constance opens her mouth and then closes it again. She nods.

Maura shakes her head, willing her tears away. "I am still so mad at you," she whispers. "You knew. You knew everything. And you kept it from me. You kept her from me when I should have been there the most."

Constance nods again.

"But you also kept _yourself_ from me. And I need you to stop. _please_."

Constance opens her mouth to say that she's sorry, but what comes out is, "I love you."

Maura catches her breath a little, "Why couldn't you have just...said that."

Constance makes a hopeless gesture, and has her hands drop back to her sides, Maura reaches out and catches one.

"You're my daughter," Constance says quietly. "Maura, I'm so sorry."  
Maura nods. and they stand there, both lost in their own thoughts.

"Move here." Maura says, and it is ten thousand questions and hopes and insecurities masked behind a demand. Maura's voice is stern, but her eyes are pleading.

"Move here," she says again, like she could will Constance into action just by wanting it enough.

Constance pulls Maura into a hug, tight enough to hurt really really good.

"Okay."

* * *

**Okay. I have a good excuse for not putting this up until now...i fell asleep. Okay...so not a good excuse but here it is. And remember how I said it was three parts. JK everyone, there's another.  
Honestly, I'm going to have to make up a word to express how much your reviews and PM's touch my heart. We are 19 chapters from the end of this, and I have 900 reviews. nine. with two zeros. I didn't expect the nine, let alone the zeros. You make it fun to put these up. you make my days. All of you. every single one of you. I try to write how thankful I am for your kind words, and how you guys honestly don't understand how it's saved me, and all that comes to mind is like a long tape reel of the ef word. seriously. **

**Ashlee you just made me short circut my iphone from crying all over it, BNH and Jobee and Davis, AE, you guys f*cking kill me daily.  
everythingshazy, youthink, ximebeach, kayla, nikki, jmpack, lovely, luvreading, tam, ireallyneedalife, cstar, svuobsession, sockslost, scottishone, fergz, heatwave, tvcrazed, ximebeach.**

**I can't...I've lost the abilty to can. **

**for realz. **

**Okay. enough of these tears. we've resolved the main issue. ONward!**


	32. Chapter 32

**Day One.**

She's a brunette. Tall and thin and found dead in an alley without identification. Maura arrives first and alone and the uniform waves her under the yellow crime scene tape without a word. She is stretched out on the ground and for the first time in her career, Maura falters as she kneels down beside the body. Her rational mind is mentally storing all the ways that this woman is different from Jane, blue eyes, broader shoulders, no scars. But her heart is racing and she winces as she lifts the woman's shoulder taking in the wound to the back of the woman's head. _Be careful not to hurt her._ Even as Maura registers this thought, she pushes it away angrily. This woman, not Jane, is dead. She cannot feel pain anymore. Her hands don't shake as she lets the woman back down, but they are clammy and uncoordinated as she reaches for her bag. She wants Jane to arrive so that she can put eyes on her. Really reassure herself that this woman, in front of her, is not her wife.

But Frost arrives on the scene first and his sharp intake of breath makes Maura look around. He has gotten much better with bodies, at keeping his gag reflex under control, but one look at Jane's doppelganger and he vomits immediately, knees buckling, barely missing the feet of a lab technician standing next to him. Maura stands and moves towards him as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Maura?" he manages, and she puts her hand on his shoulder.

"A look alike," she says quickly. "I'm sorry, I should have texted."

Frost stands, visibly shaken, wiping at the grass stain on the knee of his pants. He's still a little unsure, she can see it in his eyes when he looks up at her. "Have you heard from Jane today?"

Maura nods, handing her phone over immediately, knowing that he needs to _see_ the correspondence as much as she did earlier. "Yes. She's fine."

**It's you, dead, Jane.**

_No it's not Maur. I'm dropping Noah with Ma. I'll be there soon._

She is not even embarrassed about how illiterate and panicked her text is, and she watches relief wash over Barry's face as he reads Jane's reply.

"Looks a lot like her," he says weakly. I'm sorry…I couldn't help-" Maura squeezes his shoulder, shaking her head.

"It was very startling for me as well."

They stand looking down for a moment, and then Maura gives herself a little mental shake, moving back towards the body. "Blunt force trauma to the back of the head," Maura kneels down, indicating the blood spatter, "Then one single stab wound to the torso, between the third and fourth rib. She bled out within five minutes."

Frost looks around. They are in an alley off of Huntington Avenue, but it's still a nicer part of the city.

"Okay. So. The suspect follows her, smacks her on the back of the head and she falls…" He backs up a few paces and indicates the bloody hand print that a lab tech is photographing, "here. She gets up and tries to back away, but the perp grabs her and…stabs her." Frost looks nauseated again, and he turns away from the body.

Maura stands, nodding before she remembers that Frost can't see her. "Yes." She comes over to stand next to him.

"It's not Jane," she says, more to convince herself than to reassure her friend.

"Could have fooled me," Frost says quietly.

...

Jane arrives not three minutes later, Maura hears her voice growing louder as she approaches, talking to a uniform, and she quickly turns towards the sound, looking, so glad to hear that raspy alto that she could cry.

Although she's been warned, Jane's face still loses all its color when she sees the body. She stops walking abruptly, staring, and Maura watches her go through the same mental checklist that she did twenty minutes ago.

"Jesus," she says under her breath, approaching the body like it might come alive. "Maur?"

"blunt force trauma to the head. Single stab wound." She repeats quickly.

"ID?"

"She doesn't have a bag on her," Frost speaks up, "no purse or anything."

Jane kneels down and both Maura and Frost look away. It's too surreal. "You thinking robbery?"

Frost looks up at the buildings on either side. "Here?" he says, "I don't know…I guess it's possible."

"Detectives!" a technician calls to them from a near-by dumpster. She walks towards them, holding a brown messenger bag. "Found this. It's your victim's."

Jane reaches for it, and the tech flinches back a little, unwilling. Her eyes flit over Frost and then Maura. Jane frowns, tugging the bag out of the woman's hand, "There an ID in here?"

"Yes, Detective," The tech replies quietly, and her eyes stay on her shoes.

Jane frowns at her, and flips the bag open, pulling at the ID tag. If possible, her face goes even paler.

"Jane?" Maura and Frost move quickly to where she's standing to look over her shoulder.

Maura feels the ground underneath her shift a little bit.

**_This bag is property of: Janine Camille Righetti _**

* * *

**Day Three.**

Maura screeches to a halt outside the school, seeing Jane's cruiser already parked and vacant. Her heart leaps into her throat and she jumps out of the car.

She has to be buzzed in, and as she waits for the response from the front desk, her mind runs through all the things that could have gone wrong for her eldest child at school today.

She looks at the vague text that Jane had sent twenty minutes earlier.

_School called about Levi. On my way there, see you back in the pen_.

She'd left immediately, half angry that Jane hadn't told her to come and half terrified.  
They buzz her through, finally and she gives her name at the front desk, but as she does, she hears Jane's voice echoing down the hall, furious.

"That-That's my wife," Maura says to the confused receptionist, already walking towards the sound. "Where…" The woman waves her towards and office and Maura pushes to door open and goes in without knocking.

Jane is holding Levi, when she rounds the corner. He's much too big, and his legs dangle down past her knees, but he holds on with both arms, his face buried in her neck.

"You have got to be kidding me," Jane is saying, "That's the kind of punishment you're going to give out? Never mind that it's intimidating and counterproductive for any child, but does his teacher even know what he's been through,"

"Jane?"

Jane looks over her shoulder, and her face relaxes an inch, she bends to speak in Levi's ear, "Honey…Look. Mommy's here. Let her look at your face."

Maura feels the panic that had started to ease creep back in. She takes a step forward. "What happened?"

The woman that Jane was yelling at when Maura rounded the corner steps forward.

"Hello, you must be Mrs. Isles,"  
"Doctor," Jane growls, and Maura shoots her a look.

"Doctor," the woman repeats apologetically, "I'm Lena Garmound, Principal."

They shake, and Maura waits, but no one speaks again. Jane is still trying to coax Levi away from her neck and the principal is watching with a sort of half sour look on her face.

"What happened?" Maura tries again.  
Lena looks at her, "It seems that Levi had a little bit of an attitude in class, and so his teacher, Mrs. Lomask tried to discipline him-"

"By putting him in the coat closet, Maura." Jane bursts out. "She shut him. In a closet." Levi whimpers and holds tighter to Jane and Maura's eyes go wide.

"It's the standard time out room for all of her class. It's not something that any of the children are unaccustomed to.

"Well they damn well should be," Jane says, and she manages to get Levi to let go of her enough so that she can point a finger at her. "And when a kid starts screaming that he's scared and clawing at his face, any person should maybe take that as a sign that something is not right." She nudges Levi a little, her voice turning softer immediately, "lee, c'mon, honey. Let Mom look at your face."

Levi goes slack suddenly in her arms, forcing Jane to put him down and as soon as his feet hit the ground, he pushes out at her, hard.  
"I'm not your lee. I'm not your honey. You're not my Ma and," He whirls to point at Maura, "You're not my mom. I hate you," He moves to hit at her, and Jane grabs him around the waist.

Maura's hand has gone to her mouth. Levi's face is covered in bright red fingernail scratches.

"I hate you. I hate you, Jane! You promised you'd take care of me! Where were you?" He's fighting her and melting into her at the same time, and Jane ducks her head to avoid his little fists, but she doesn't let him go.

"Okay," she says calmly, "It's okay to be angry. But you stop hitting right now, Levi." And there is something about her voice that makes him stop. She lets him go and he stands in the middle of the room, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

Maura examines his face more closely. The marks are red and angry looking, but only superficial. She looks up at Jane with wide eyes, but the brunette has already turned back to the principal. "I suggest you speak to his teacher about what happened while he was away, and why shutting him in a closet is not only inappropriate in his case, but also inhumane." Jane's voice is so icy that Maura expects the windows to frost over. "Don't doubt, that I will follow up on this," the detective says, and she gestures at Levi.

"Levi, go with mo…Go with Maura."

He obeys, ducking his head and not looking up at her, but when Maura puts her hand tentatively on his shoulder, he doesn't shrug it away.

In the parking lot, Levi gets into Maura's SUV without a word and the two women stand on the sidewalk, looking at each other.

Jane sighs, "You want to take him to Ma's? I've gotta get back to the precinct,"

"You should have called me," Maura says.

Jane shrugs, "You were with your mom, looking at a house. I didn't want to disrupt that."

Maura is torn between annoyance and gratitude. "still," she says.

Jane opens her mouth to speak but her phone buzzes, followed by Maura's and they take them out simultaneously and look at them.

"Another?"

Maura shakes her head. "I-I don't know.."

"Okay…" Jane bites her lip, "I'll take Levi to Ma's and I'll meet you."  
"Jane…" Maura does not want to let her wife out of her sight, especially if this murder is another tall brunette. For a moment Jane struggles with conflicting emotions.

"Okay," she says, rolling her shoulders. "I'll call Ma and see if she can meet us on the way. Okay?"  
Maura feels infinitely better.

"Yes," she says and her voice shakes.

Jane pulls her into a hug, and Maura feels her lips graze her temple. "Okay. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay.

...

_Julia Claire Richmond. _

This time when Maura and Jane show up to the crime scene, they are met with a much bigger crowd. Korsak, Frost, Frankie, they meet the women at the car and Frost hands Jane the driver's license as she gets out. Jane studies it and then looks up at Maura.

"Maur," her voice is quiet, "Maybe you want to call Dr. Pike."

Maura snaps her head around, "What?"

"This woman is…" Jane studies the driver's license photo again, and then after a moment of hesitation, hands it to her wife.

For a split second, Maura thinks that Jane has handed her the wrong one by mistake, but then she sees the name. Julia, not Jane, although that is the only difference the women seem to have. Tall, dark, skinny, muscled.  
"Maura, call Pike," Jane says softly, watching her face.

Maura looks up in Jane's face, feeling her own harden, "And leave this murderer out there longer while Pike dicks around?"

Korsak and Frankie exchange surprised looks.

Maura shakes her head. "No way," she sets her jaw. "Where is she?"

It's the same MO, blunt force trauma, single stab wound. Jane has a harder time looking at this woman, but she grips Maura's arm as they load the body into the van to transport it back to the morgue. It's only then that Maura realize she's been shaking.

"Jane...they have your initials," she says, as Jane rubs up her arms, her face hard and unreadable.  
"Yes. They do."

When it was just one, both women could pretend the similarities were a coincidence. Now...

"It's a serial killer isn't it?" Jane flinches a little at the word, but pulls Maura to her.

"It's alright."

"Jane," Maura feels like she can't breathe. Feels like the world is falling away from her.

"Shh." Jane says, and she presses a kiss to Maura's forehead. "It's alright."

* * *

**Day Five**

"Mommy!" Isabelle and Sofia's voices ring out from the bleachers as Maura approaches, and Angela turns away from Levi to look.

"Hello!" Maura kisses Angela on the cheek, sliding into the seat, squeezing Isabelle in a one armed hug.

It's Jane's flag football team, the first game of the season, and despite the two dead women, Jane looks relatively cheerful as she huddles up with her team down on the field. Maura takes a wiggling Noah from Angela's arms, pulling his hat further down his little head. She looks over at Levi who is engrossed in his handheld video game. "Hey, Levi," she calls, and Levi glances up at her, and away.

"Hey,"

She doesn't press him.

"Anything?" Angela asks cryptically as they look down onto the field.

"Nothing," Maura says and this is the complete truth. Whoever killed both the women left no DNA, no trace evidence, nothing. He is a ghost.

"I heard that the initials match," Angela says carefully, looking down at Sofia looking up at her.

Maura nods, "Yes, they do."

"How is she?"

Maura looks down to where Jane is listening to something Frankie is saying. It's the first time she notices that Jane's shoulders are tense. She realizes that she hasn't asked Jane how she is...in days.

"I-She's…As well as can be expected."

"Expect who, mom?" Isabelle says looking up. But Maura shakes her head, "Nothing baby."

"Ugh," Sofia says grumpily. "_Work_ talk."

Angela manages smile and they fall silent, watching as the teams on the field line up.

"Mommy," Isabelle says, "I do not understand this game."

Sofia looks scandalized, "it is the easiest!" she cries, leaning into Angela, "and Mama's the best, right Nona?'

Angela chuckles, "right, babydoll,"

Frost comes and pulls Maura aside halfway through the game. "What is it Frost?"

He looks nervous. "Jane doesn't want me to tell you, Maur, but I think you have a right to know."

Maura feels her insides clench. "Just tell me."

"We've found a connection."

Maura closes her eyes momentarily, "what is it?"

"Janine ran security at Newton Day School, and Julia was…" He falters, swallowing, "She was at the police academy down in Worcester for two years, but dropped out to pursue a career in social work instead.

Maura tries, but is unsuccessful to let out a breath.

"It's not a big connection. It might not even mean anything...but...it's still..."

"Worrying," Maura runs a hand through her hair. "How long has she known?"

"Since this morning. Like I said, It's a tiny connection...but if this guy is targeting Jane in the long run..."

"Why didn't she say something? Why hasn't she-" But Frost looks at her incredulously, and Maura knows. She knows that the crushing fear she's been feeling for the past five days is not only evident on her face, but obvious to anyone who chooses to look.

She sighs, glancing out onto the field where Jane has launched the ball downfield. A great cheer erupts from the bleachers.

Maura sighs. "Thank you, Barry."

He manages a smile. "Anytime." She moves to return to her family, but he holds her steady for a moment. "Maura," he says, "_anytime."_

She nods and he releases her, and she climbs the bleachers to where her children are yelling down at the field.

...

* * *

...

"They're back," Maura puts her hand on Jane' shoulder, feeling the woman tense underneath her. Jane doesn't respond.

"Jane?"  
"I'm fine. It was just a nightmare." She sits on the edge of the bed, already regulating her breathing, but Maura can see Jane's heartbeat pulsing in her neck, still wild.  
"I was gone again, wasn't I?" Maura's voice is soft and gentle. Not really asking. "The dreams where I disappear…they're back aren't they?"

Jane rolls her shoulders irritably but does not deny it. Maura moves to kneel behind her, wrapping her arms around her shoulders, kissing the spot where her shoulder starts to slope upwards into her neck. "Jane? What is it? Is it the cases? Is it my mother?" Maura is not oblivious to the way Jane's body tenses every time Constance is in the room, or how Jane forces herself to relax and smile. How she is genuinely trying.

Jane doesn't answer.

"Janie, honey, I'm right here." Another kiss to the bare shoulder that makes the brunette shudder.

"You were gone. I had my hands on you. You were there, underneath me. And then you were…" She doesn't continue.

Maura digs her thumbs into the tense muscles around Jane's shoulder blades which elicits a deep growl that rumbles both of them.

"It's hard," Jane mumbles, almost apologetically, and her head falls back against Maura, eyes closed "All of it. It's so hard...I feel…" she heaves a sigh. "Does it rain like this, pour sometimes? Does it happen to everyone?"

Maura feels a little light headed with guilt. The case, her mother, Levi…Noah's inability to fall asleep for more than three hours. Maura tries to think of the last time Jane wasn't going full speed. The last night she got up with the baby instead of the detective. She cannot.

She's been so caught up in forgiving her mother, in trying to get past her own fear that she never even considered that Jane was struggling too. And Jane has not said anything. Of course she hasn't.  
Maura thinks about Jane's question, her hands still working.  
"Yes. I think everyone encounters patches where…" she pauses at the unfamiliar phrase, "it feels like it's pouring. But, it is significantly less difficult when you have someone there with you."

Jane's eyes open to look at the ceiling, and Maura can read what's there very clearly. She catches her breath.

"Oh, Jane, I'm so sorry I didn't see," she whispers, and Jane sighs. "Honey, I'm so sorry, please…I'm right here with you this time. I'm right here. You are amazing. You have been amazing, and this family is not just yours to hold together. Sweet girl, I'm so sorry."  
Maura trails her hands down Jane's back, then, when the other woman makes no reply, she trails her fingers back up all the way into her hair. "Jane?"  
"I had my hands on you. You were right there. It was going to be ok... and then…"  
Maura moves off the bed and comes around to kneel between Jane's legs, taking her hands in her own, putting them on either side of her face. "Put your hands on me now," She whispers, and Jane looks down at her.  
Maura feels herself flush a little, but she doesn't look away. "Put your hands on me now," she repeats. "Jane."

All she gets in response is a growl.

…

"Let me,"

"It's alright, Maur, I don't-"

But Maura slips the harness up her wife's hips, shaking her head, feeling the brunette's breath catch as she tugs the straps tight. Maura frowns as the belt tightens past the worn indent that usually signals that it's secure, but doesn't comment on the weight loss. Jane shivers as Maura moves back up, pressing a kiss to her shoulder, her neck, finally her lips.

"We don't have to," Jane's voice is just below a whisper, and although she says it, her hands are rubbing a different story on Maura's shoulder blades. Maura knows she has to. She has to too, and they both gasp as Maura pulls Jane inside her, her head falling down onto her shoulder.  
"I want to," she whispers, "I want to feel your skin against mine, and you inside of me." Jane sighs, like relief.

But when they start, she is gentle and hesitant, holding back, and Maura runs her hands up and down Jane's sides, trying to convey that it is okay, that she knows what Jane needs, and that she needs it too.

"Honey…" she whispers, "Jane…it's okay. Stop thinking."  
She pulls back, rolling so that Jane is on top of her, poised to enter her, and the brunette's breathing is ragged with effort. Maura reaches up, tracing the angular jaw line, with her finger, pushing away the image of a very similar jaw on her examination table. She does not want gentle tonight. She does not want anything that leaves any room for thought.  
"You won't break me," she whispers. "And I won't disappear."  
Jane heaves, "Those women..."  
Maura shakes her head, "You're here. I'm here. Come on, baby. Come take me. I'm not disappearing on you," Maura rolls her hips, Jane's twitches. "Come _on_," Maura whispers, and she's not sure which is more arousing: the way Jane's breathing gets faster and faster, or the way her brown eyes never leave her own, a silent request that she keep talking. "Come put your hands on me," Maura breathes, "I want to. I _have_ to. _Please._"

Jane enters her slowly, but Maura bucks once, hard, and Jane growls in the back of her throat and bites down on Maura's neck hard enough that she knows she's going to have a mark.

"No," she hisses, as Jane starts to pull away to check on her. "No. I need you. I need you like you need me. _just _like you need me. Stop worrying about me. Stop holding it in, Stop protecting me." She bucks again, and Jane meets her half way, forcing a long moan from her throat.

"_Maura_," one last try for coherence, one last question. Maura opens her eyes. She knows that the past seven years have taken away almost all of Jane's immediate anxiety of being left, but as she looks up into her wife's eyes, she sees what's left of that fear, raw and bared in her deep brown eyes.

Maura slips her hands up into Jane's hair, pulling her down to whisper in her ear. "You have to let me see all of you," Maura breathes, "You have to. I'm right here. Let me show you how much I love you. _All_ of you."  
Jane's hips move harder, and Maura fights her climax, nodding, wrapping her legs around Jane's hips, tilting herself upwards, making them both moan.  
"Maura," Jane is growling, pushing harder, and her whole body shakes with effort. "Maur…_fuck_….I need…I need to…" She snarls, and her teeth make contact with the delicate skin of Maura's collarbone.

"Yes," Maua hisses loving the way Jane rocks them, loving the way her muscles slide under her hands. She is powerful and beautiful and Maura feels reassured, for surely nothing can harm someone with such sheer strength. Maura gasps as Jane hits a new part of her, and she feels Jane's teeth against her throat. It is exquisite. It is everything she ever wanted. "Yes…" She says, though she knows that Jane can feel her approval as she thrusts against her, "Yes, yes...use me."  
Jane stops for the tiniest space of a second, and she pulls back to look at her wife, her eyes so dark they are almost unrecognizable. She pushes again, and Maura fights not to cry out. She pulls Jane closer with her heels, biting her lip.  
Jane thrusts harder, and Maura digs her fingers into Jane's shoulder blades, feeling her start to lose the rhythm.  
"Tell me," Jane growls, "tell me…Maura I need to…I…_please"  
_"Use me," Maura says again, bracing herself. "It's okay, Baby. Come on... _Free yourself." _

.

And Jane does.

* * *

**Happy New Year! I hope you all have wonderful evenings or had them as the case may be...  
There's some Badass Jane hidden in here...maybe...if you squint.**

**This is an original case...so don't go looking for it in the seasons. lol. It might suck, but it can't suck more than the cases on the show...so... Also I'm going try my hand at making it more realistic in terms of length...so...we'll see.**

Thank you for some of the kindest reviews I've read on my last couple of chapters. rizzles, anon, pi, hope, saz,just jo. CF! I 143 you too my friend! fergz, I don't think that's possible...  
psuedusk, spykerlicious, aviatorsand9mms, nikki, julez. Gosh darn it you guys (I wanted to swear there, but I held it in..) I'm dying over here.  
Bnh, jobee, AE, Xime, emerald demona, 

**Sheesh. I cannot tell you. **

**Happy reading!**

**tc**


	33. Chapter 33

**Day 17**

_Jamie Candice Rodeo  
Janessa Carey Rivera  
That makes four. Four women in seventeen days. All of them tall and dark and with Jane's initials. And yet, the only tall dark woman who seems to have nothing to fear is Jane herself. There has been no attempt on her life, no threatening letter sent, no mysterious phone calls. The detail that Cavanaugh has had put on her is bored out of their minds. No one is following her. In fact, the murders seem to be happening further and further away from her home.  
Maura watches Jane frown at the growing radius Frost traces on the board in the bullpen.  
"This is ridiculous," she mutters. "This is impossible."  
Maura sees what she means. There is no focal point. There does not seem to be a comfort zone in which the suspect is operating. The women are connected only by their physical traits, and one other tenuous line, they work or worked in some kind of public service job._

_"Tell me what Janessa did, again?"  
"She worked in construction management. But she was a volunteer firefighter for the past two years."  
"And Jamie was in the army?"  
"Navy."  
Jane shakes her head, "How is he doing this?" She asks nobody, "These women are not weak."  
Maura and Frost both know what she means is "How long until he comes after me?" and "I am not weak…" but neither make a comment.  
"Am I being completely self- centered? Maybe it has nothing to do with me." _

_But they all know it has something to do with her. _

_"How many women working in any type of public service have the initials JCR?" Jane asks Frost after a moment.  
"In the radius that our suspect is working now? 257," he replies.  
Jane frowns, "How many fit the description?"  
Frost types again, "Not all of them have IDs with pictures, so this is an estimate, but the computer is pulling up sixty seven women with brown or black hair, slender build, over five seven. No, wait…seventy two, if you count this woman…" Frost spins the computer to face them, and Maura sees a woman, tall and dark haired, but significantly larger than Jane.  
The detective nods. "I do count her. Warn them all. Send a group."  
Frost nods and strides out of the room. _

_Jane rubs her hand over her face, leaning back in her chair. Maura comes to sit next to her, taking her hand in both of hers. "We'll get him, Jane," she says quietly.  
Her wife is losing weight and sleep and in the past couple of days, her sanity, and what Maura really means is that they will get him before he gets her, literally or emotionally.  
"Nothing, Maura?" Jane asks, with her eyes still closed, and Maura heaves a sigh. There has been no evidence on any of the bodies at all, nothing that ties them to each other or to the killer. And her morgue is starting to look like something out of her nightmares, filled with Jane's that she can't save, or even find justice for.  
"Nothing. Yet. But nobody is perfect. He's made a mistake, he's left something. We'll find it."  
Jane squeezes her hand, but doesn't answer._

_..._

* * *

_..._

"Wake up, Mama! Wake up! Wake up!" Jane sits bolt upright in bed, managing to hold in a scream enough so that it comes out as a strangled sort of whimper. As her vision clears, the faces of her daughters swim into view, apprehension clouding their previous excitement.

"Mama?"

"Gently!" Maura says, and Jane looks up to see her enter the room with a tray of food. "I told you to wake her _gently_." Levi slips into the room behind her, Noah's hand in his own. "Jane?" Maura says, brow furrowed, but Jane shakes her head, letting her face relax into a curious smile.

"To what do I owe this wonderful surprise?" She asks as the girls scramble up onto the bed, and Levi puts Noah up next to them.

Isabelle looks incredulous, "It's your birthday, Mama! Happy Birthday! You are _old_ old now!"

Sofia nods, throwing her arms around Jane's neck, "Happy birthday oldie!"

Jane looks up at Maura, bewildered, and then glances at the alarm clock on the bedside table, and the calendar next to it "Oh," is all she can think to say, "Oh…thank you nuggets…"

Maura's heart might be breaking. Here then, is the reason that Jane had looked so blank every time she'd brought up the plans for her day off, and why she had shrugged when Maura had asked if she wanted to have everyone over.

_Sure. Whatever you want, honey._

She'd forgotten her birthday.

"Tell mama happy birthday, Noah!" Isabelle is whispering and the little boy fixes Jane with wide, smiling eyes. "Happy day ma!" he says "hap berth day."  
She grins and pulls him up onto her lap, ruffling his hair. "Thank you, little man. Thank you, all of you. This is wonderful. This is the best surprise."

"There's more, Mama!" Sofia smiles bashfully, "You eat breakfast, and we will give your present, okay?"

Maura sets the tray down next to Jane, who smiles at the smiley face made of blueberries that adorns her pancakes.  
"This looks delicious," she says quietly, "Who made breakfast for me?"

"I did," Levi's voice is tentative. "well…I had help…but the blueberries were my idea. And I poured the coffee."

Jane curls her finger at him and he comes to the side of the bed, leaning forward to let her place a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, darling. I love it."

"Happy birthday," he says, pulling his sentence up short so he doesn't have to call her anything. Since the incident at school, Levi hasn't called Maura or Jane anything at all, opting to make it clear by tone or context who he is talking to. Jane and Maura let this go, knowing that when he's ready, he'll pick on or the other.

"C'mon, Lee," Sofia says now, sliding off the bed and taking his hand. She pulls him around to the foot of the bed, where Isabelle is already standing. "Ready, Ma?"

Jane smiles, leaning against Maura as she joins her on the bed, squeezing her hand.

"Ready."

_Our mama is the best of moms we tell her every day.  
But today is her special day, we needa take the time to say  
In every language, every way  
You're the most wonderful, okay?_

Jane already has tears in her eyes, and Maura leans over to kiss her cheek. "Hold it together," she whispers playfully, "This goes on for a little bit."  
But Jane shakes her head, swallowing hard as Isabelle steps forward.

_She makes us lunch and packs our packs  
She plays with us and makes us snacks  
She tucks us in every single night  
She fights the baddies for what's right. _

_She always makes my scrapes feel better  
Tells me when to wear a sweater  
Never yells when I break dishes  
Never doesn't gimme kisses. _  
Sofia rolls her eyes a little bit, "that one doesn't rhyme. I said it doesn't," she says as Isabelle moves back and she moves forward. But her annoyed little face melts away into one of almost comical concentration as she tries to remember her part.  
_She teaches us important things  
She pushes noah on the swings  
She piggies me like she's a pony  
She's always there when I am lonely. _

"That was my rhyme!" Levi can't help but whisper. Sofia shoots him a look. Jane sniffs.

_I love her better every season  
Even winter when she's sneezin'  
She lets me sleep with her in bed  
She keeps me safe, kisses my head. _

It's Levi's turn, and has he steps forward he holds his hands out for Noah, who crawls excitedly down the bed and into his arms. "Ready?" he whispers to his brother. Noah nods, "Cold!" he cries. Levi rolls his eyes. "Not yet…I have to say my part." Noah nods seriously, waiting.

"Okay," Levi says, taking a breath.

"She rescued us when we were…"  
"Cold!"  
"She wrapped us up and took us…"  
"Home!"  
"She's the best mother that I…"  
"know?" Noah asks, and Levi nods.  
"I guess it's time I told her…"  
"So!"

Jane really is crying now, and Maura runs her hands up and down the shivering back, smiling and pressing kisses to the brunette's shoulder, "almost," she whispers, because she can feel her wife itching to go to their children.  
But Sofia and Isabelle move forward now too, and their faces are shining with pride as they all start to speak together.

"What we're trying to say, is that we love you every day. Every how and every way. Mama…"  
Isabelle pokes Noah and points at Jane. Noah scrambles from Levi's arms and up the bed to wrap his pudgy arms around her neck.  
"Happy buhthday," he murmurs against her neck.

For a moment, there is no sound except for Jane's labored breathing, and her children look up the bed at her, torn between pride and nervousness. Then Jane laughs, really laughs, and it's the best sound Maura's heard in a long time.

"Come here," she says holding her hands out, "Come here, all of you." They do not need to be told again, and even Levi climbs onto the bed and tries to wrap his arms around Jane, so that they tumble back against the mattress, a big pile of giggles and arms and hair.  
"You liked it Mama?" Sofia asks, looking up at her.  
"It was amazing. Everything about it was amazing."  
"Some parts did not rhyme."  
Jane kisses Isabelle's head. "That's part why I liked it…no, I loved it. It was wonderful. It's the best birthday present I've ever had." She manages to get a hand on Levi's cheek. "It's the best birthday I've ever had," she repeats. And Levi flushes happily.  
More kisses, more cuddles, more laughing, and then Maura looks at the clock and squawks.  
"Time to get dressed, my lovelies!" she cries, "The bus will be here in half an hour!" She bends to pick up Noah as the others slide from the bed.  
Jane moves to get up too, but Maura shakes her head, pointing at her pancakes. "Eat, Jane," she says firmly. "Eat, and shower and get dressed. I'll be back after I drop the girls and Noah off."  
"Don't you want-"  
"Help? No. Not today. It's your birthday, Jane."  
Jane goes to argue but Maura raises an eyebrow, "Stay." She says firmly. "Eat your food, and be dressed in the kitchen in an hour."  
"Uh oh, Mama, that's the no mess face," Isabelle whispers, "you better do what she says."  
Jane smiles leaning back against the pillows. "Yes ma'am."  
Maura smiles, following the children as they tear out of the room. "Good. An hour. Clean your plate."  
Jane shakes her head, chuckling, but lifts her fork obediently.  
...

* * *

_Maura finds Jane in the study one morning, running her fingers over her piano. _

_"Jane?"  
the taller girl whirls around looking guilty. "Sorry," she says quickly. "You were still sleeping, and I couldn't…but I didn't want to wake you…I didn't mean to go snooping." She says all of this in a rush, her fingers knotting with each other.  
Maura smiles, putting her hands out, "It's okay…it's okay. You can go wherever you want here. This is like your house too," Maura says this without thinking, but after it comes out, she realizes that it is true. Jane spends almost as much time at her house as she does.  
"Do you play the piano?"  
Jane nods, and Maura shakes her head. They've been dating for a while now, but she keeps finding things like this out.  
"Will you play for me?"  
A shake of the head.  
Maura frowns, and is about to ask why, when Jane speaks.  
"Don't you have something that nobody else knows?"  
"what?"  
Jane rolls her shoulders. "Playing the piano is mine. When I'm playing, Ma's not there and My pop isn't…" she shoves her hands in her pockets for something to do. "It's just me, and whatever I'm playing and…I feel grounded. I feel…whole. It's all I had before I had-" but she pulls herself up abruptly, and glances at Maura, her face turning red, and Maura tries to merge this girl with the one that was screaming at her television last night as though the Celtics could hear her.  
Maura crosses the room and puts her arms around Jane's neck. She is almost sixteen, but she still seems to be growing, and Maura has to stand on tiptoes to press a kiss to the brunette's lips.  
"It was all you had before you had what, Jane?"  
Jane swallows, "you," she whispers.  
Maura feels her stomach flip a little.  
"When was the last time you felt whole?" The question is a whisper, almost against Maura's will.  
Jane stiffens a little, but does not pull away. She wraps her arms around Maura's waist. Kissing her again. _

_"I feel whole right now," she whispers back._

* * *

_..._

They walk hand in hand down the sidewalk, the bright April sun trying valiantly to keep them warm as they go. Jane still looks pale and tired, but she is more cheerful than Maura has seen her in a while, and as she leads her down Newbury Street, Jane eyes the shops with growing impatience.  
"Where are you taking me?"  
Maura smiles. "You'll see!"  
"Mauraaa."  
The doctor tries to fix her face into something stern, but it is hard when Jane sounds more like her normal self than she has in weeks. "Patience, detective."  
They walk in silence for a while and then Jane glances down at her. "Is it wrong?" she asks quietly, "to have this day off?"  
Maura sighs. "No. If we had _anything_ I would say yes, but we don't. And you're exhausted and useless to anyone when you've been running on empty as long as you have." She looks at Jane, unsure how this will be taken, but the detective simply nods, redoubling her grip on Maura's hand.  
"Hey," Maura says quietly, understanding, "Hey, beautiful. I'm here. You're not sinking. I won't let you."  
Jane gives her a watery smile. "I love you, Maura."  
"I love you too."  
"Tell me where we're going."  
"Not a chance."

They run into Rosario, going the opposite way, and he shakes Jane's hand but has a hard time looking her in the eye. The entire right side of his face is skin grafts, healed nicely, from what Maura can see, but still very obviously scars. He looks embarrassed and self-conscious in front of them.  
"When are you thinking of recertifying for active duty?" Jane asks, as they linger on the sidewalk.  
Rosario shrugs, "Don't know if I will. I've got a pretty good nest egg in my savings, and they'd offer me an okay pension, even at this age."  
Jane looks at him, her face a mixture of empathy and guilt. Maura knows she still blames herself for what happened at the abandoned house in Revere. He glances up at her, and then away, looking frustrated.  
"No one would blame you," Jane says gently, and he makes an impatient movement. "I'm just glad everyone walked away that day. How's Butler?"  
"Walking. Still can't feel most of his left arm, but…He hated the force anyway. He's happy to get away."  
Jane nods, though Maura can tell she doesn't understand this sentiment at all. They stand there for a moment in silence, and the wind could be the roaring of the flames as the house burned around them.  
"Well. I keep myself busy now anyway. Got a couple hobbies, not ashamed to say."  
"Good," Jane says, and she sounds both relieved and anxious to move on. "Take care, Alan."  
He looks up at his given name, surprised, like he didn't know she knew it.  
"You too," he says, not meeting her eyes, starting to move on, and then, like an afterthought, "happy birthday, Detective."  
Jane sighs as they move on, and is about to open her mouth to say something, but Maura points up at the sign in front of them.  
"We're here."

...

Maura has bought out the entire store, and so it's only them and the owner alone in the entire place, and although the woman greets them at the door, and shows them around briefly, she leaves them after a moment, telling Maura to ring the bell when they've made their decision.  
Jane stands in the middle of the showroom floor, spinning in a slow circle, her brown eyes wide.  
"Is it alright?" Maura asks coming up to her. "We can put it wherever you like, even in the spare attic room. That way you could play, and no one would hear…" Jane stops Maura with a kiss.  
"I can have one of these?" she asks, pulling away, moving to run her hands over a smooth black Steinway. "Any one I want?"  
Maura smiles, "yes."

Jane sits down at a deep brown Baldwin and lets her fingers run up the bright white keys. "When I was seven, my pop bought me a little keyboard," she says quietly, and Maura moves to sit next to her on the bench, listening. "I loved that thing, carried it everywhere, picking out little tunes." Jane smiles a little, and Maura leans her head on her shoulder. "But then, in the fall, Joe Grant snapped in half on the playground at recess…told me it was faggy."  
Maura shakes her head, "So the beating I witnessed was really cumulative, then," she says and Jane chuckles.  
"Play something for me." Maura doesn't phrase it as a question, but she knows that Jane understands.  
"It's been so long…my hands…"  
"I don't care how it sounds," Maura says, and nothing has ever been truer. If putting her fingers on the piano keys is going to unlock the remaining tension in her wife's shoulders, and ease the stress lines in her forehead, then Maura wouldn't care if she simply smashed the keys down at random. "Please," She says quietly, and Jane puts her hands into formation, some old muscle memory arching each finger.  
She takes a deep breath, almost like she does at the shooting range, but smoother…sweeter. And she begins to play.

It might start out as Rhapsody in Blue, Maura would know those opening chords anywhere, but as the song continues, Jane is clearly making some of it up. It's gorgeous and slow and moving, and Maura is mesmerized by Jane's fingers as the move over the keys, like she doesn't have any scars at all. Like she's been doing this every day for years. And Maura is aroused and devastated and awestruck and proud all at once, so that it's like a big glowing ball next to her heart. And something else is happening too...

Jane closes her eyes, and her shoulders relax…and she smiles. Maura looks up into her wife's face and feels tears in her eyes, because Jane is really grinning. Biting her lip in concentration, but smiling just the same, and when she stops, when the last chord finally dies in the empty room, she opens her eyes and looks at Maura and there is no end to the gratitude and the love and respect that she reads there.

"This one?" Maura asks quietly.  
Jane just nods, leaning forward to kiss the doctor gently.  
"You are my reason for everything." She whispers.  
Maura smiles against Jane's lips.

"Happy birthday, pretty girl."

...

* * *

...

The party is loud. Everyone comes. Frost shows up with a girl on his arm, short and skinny, with caramel skin and light eyes. Maura shakes her hand and while she is introducing herself, Jane gives Frost the thumbs up, mouthing the word "hot!" behind the woman's back.

Frost shoves her, and takes his date's arm again, but he looks relieved and delighted. Like getting his partner's approval was the most important thing in the world.

Korsak shows up with a case of beer wrapped in birthday paper, but there's hole poked in the side, and when Jane tears the wrapping off, she realizes that two of the beers are missing. She punches Korsak, before allowing him to give her a birthday hug.

Tommy comes, Lydia in tow, looking more and more pregnant every day. Tommy produces a t-shirt that says, "don't mess with my family," and a tiny little onsie that says "watch out, my aunt is packing heat." Jane rolls her eyes, but laughs along with everyone else, pulling the t-shirt over her head good naturedly.

Angela arrives with Frankie, and the cake that Frankie is carrying almost doesn't fit in the door.  
"Ma!" Jane says, scandalized.  
"C'mon, Janie, we need it to be this size for all the candles…how many again?"  
Jane punches him, reaching out with her other hand to stabilize the cake. "You're only three behind me, little bro."  
Maura smiles, hugging Angela hello.  
They eat and they laugh and Angela does not once mention the case, and nobody's phone goes off, and somewhere at the end of the night, the stereo gets turned on because this is a celebration.

Thirty Eight.  
Jane has somehow made it to thirty eight.

The music gets turned up and the chairs get pushed back and everyone dances. Tommy with Isabelle standing on his feet, Sofia on Frankie's back, and Levi with Maura, giggling up at her like the sweet little boy she's come to know. Enjoying himself thoroughly.

They almost don't hear the doorbell ring.

…

It's Constance.

Jane pulls the door open and has to work hard not to let her smile slip completely off her face.  
"Constance!"  
"Jane. Happy Birthday," Constance looks a little nervous. She holds out her gift, thin and rectangular and wrapped in pretty silver paper.  
Maura comes up behind Jane and puts her arm around her waist, a silent reassurance that she is there. "Mother," she says warmly.  
Jane starts to move away from the door. "Come in," she begins, but Constance shakes her head.  
"No, no. This is your night, and I won't intrude. I just wanted to drop off your gift and wish you a happy day," she pauses and Jane frowns.  
"well, let me open this now, then, so that I can thank you properly,"  
Constance looks like she might protest, but Jane is already ripping the paper off a little silver frame. Her mouth drops open.  
"I suppose it might not be such a thoughtful gift when you consider that I was following you two at the time…but…It's always been…a very moving picture for me…and…I could no longer keep it to myself."  
Maura shifts a little so that she can look over Jane's arm. She feels her heart stop.

The photograph is of her and Jane, and they are young, teenagers, sitting on a bench in a park. They are wrapped up in each other, in both the literal and emotional sense, Jane has her arm around Maura's shoulders and Maura is turned in towards her, head bowed and on the brunette's chest. Jane's chin is against Maura's forehead and she's looking away from the camera, her eyes out of focus, clearly lost in thought. Maura's eyes are open and looking down, at where Jane's hand intertwines with hers in Jane's lap. She has a sort of half content half awed look on her face. Like she can't quite believe what's happening.

They are on a bench in the park, but there is no one else in the entire frame, not even in the distance. It's an amazing photograph, and Maura remembers that moment as clearly as if it had happened yesterday.

_…  
Will we always be together, Jane?_

_Of course we will, there's no way I'm ever letting you go.  
…_

The moments of silence stretch on, and Constance shifts nervously. "It seems I am always coming up with these things too late. But.."  
"Better late than never," Jane says, and her voice cracks the tiniest of bits, She looks up at Constance, "come in and join the party. There's dancing."  
Constance goes a little pink, "Oh, goodness, I'm afraid I'm not much of a dancer…" She pauses and then seems to pull herself together, "No. Thank you, Jane, I want you to feel completely at ease tonight.'  
She turns away, but Jane reaches out, grabbing her arm.  
"Don't take her away from me."  
Constance turns back, wide eyed, "w-what?" she stutters, and Maura looks up as well because she has heard it too: fifteen year old Jane. Scared butdefiant, speaking out through this newly thirty eight year old woman.  
Jane clears her throat, gathering herself again, "Don't take Maura away from me again. Please. I love her."

Constance stares at Jane for a long time.

"I won't."

Jane nods, almost smiling. "Then come in, and have some cake It's vanilla, and it's in the shape of handcuffs."Constance seems to hesitate for just one second longer. "Please," Jane says quietly.  
Constance smiles.  
"Alright."

* * *

**HIYA! Sorry this is late. It was very hard to write. Good news? You should have another tonight before I sleep. SHOULD. PROBABLY WILL...not definitely. But I felt I had to put this up now so hat Davislp can stop resorting to re-reading JGMAR. lol.  
How are you enjoying the new case? If you think you know who it is, you can definitely PM me, but don't blow up my spot in the reviews! lol. Maybe I'm not as crafty as I think I am...but I still think it's pretty good. **

**There's a little levi reconciliation in here, not the whole kahuna but a little one for those of you pissed at the teacher, or who think that's unrealistic. I used to have to have time out in a cubby room...is that not a thing? should I be in therapy? lol. **

**Justjo, ashlee, bnh(twice! you kill me), everythingshazy, davis f course, jobee, you think, ireallyneedalife. Thank you! I'm so glad you're liking the case. Fergz, JUJUchick, lovely, honorcpt! Islandlover, oh no! Well...I'm sorry I freaked you. finding believable JCR names is rough. Saz, JMPAck,  
Ya'll rock. **

**totally and completely. **

**there are no words. **

**onward. **

**happy reading. **

**tc**


	34. Chapter 34

**Trigger warning. **

* * *

**Day 23**

_Today is the day that the mistake gets made. Jane knows as soon as she and Maura step out of the cruiser that something is different. There are too many cops. She circles the car and reaches in to help Maura out, less out of chivalry and more because she wants to touch the medical examiner one last time before they see this new woman.  
"Frost!" She calls, catching sight of her partner as he moves through the crowd.  
"This is too open a place, Jane," Maura is saying next to her," it doesn't make any sense. Usually it's alleyways…Janessa was found in an abandoned parking lot…this…this doesn't make sense."  
Frost taps Frankie on the shoulder and they move towards the women and there's something in her brother's face that brings her up short.  
"Frankie?"  
Frankie looks pale and shaky… Scared. "Jane."  
"She can't look any more like me than the last one did."  
"It's not a girl, Janie… it's…" He looks at Maura, as if asking for help and she puts her hand on Jane's arm, preparing herself.  
"Spit it out, Frankie," Jane says, but he seems unable to continue.  
"It's Butler," Frost says. _

_Jane's mouth drops open._

* * *

_..._

The chapel is packed. It's like every cop in the city has shown up for Butler's funeral. Maura doesn't let go of Jane's arm as they walk up the grassy pathway to the front doors.  
Jane tenses, and Maura looks up at her. She's looking a couple yards away, at a woman greeting people as they come. She has a little boy on her hip, and beside her is another boy who looks so much like Butler that there's no doubt who these people are.  
"Jane," Maura says quietly, because she knows what is running through her detective's mind, "Jane, honey, this is not your fault. You did not do this to that family."  
Jane shivers, but starts to walk again, when she speaks, her voice is just above a whisper. "That's May, and her children John Jr. and Nicolas." She says as they draw closer.  
May's eyes sweep Jane and then Maura as they step forward, and Maura recognizes the dull, resigned look in her eyes. It's how she'd felt those three days that Jane was missing. Like she was looking at everything through a grey filter. With a jolt Maura recognizes her as one of the women who had offered her babysitting services all those months ago, and it is this realization that makes her lean forward and embrace May Butler, even though they haven't spoken more than three words to each other since.  
"Anything you need," she murmurs into the woman's ear, "anything at all."

Jane kneels down to look at John Jr. He's not crying, and he looks back at her with steely grey eyes, as though she's intruding on his thoughts, and whatever she has to say, he has already heard.  
Jane seems to realize this, and so she doesn't say anything, just puts her hand on his cheek for a moment, and then stands up.  
"I'm so, so sorry, May," she says quietly, and the woman refocuses on Jane, a frown coming as she seems to recognize her.  
"We cannot all be so invincible as you, Detective." She says quietly, and Jane goes rigid, like she's receiving a blow. She nods curtly and turns into the chapel, and Maura follows her quickly, trying to regulate her breathing.

...

* * *

_Jane fixes her uniform in the mirror, frowning slightly as she fixes the medals into place on her chest. She wants to rip them off and throw them away. She does not want to be honored for surviving.  
There is movement behind her, and Jane catches sight of Levi in the mirror's reflection, hovering in the doorway.  
"Hey, Buddy!" she says turning to face him.  
He doesn't smile back, "You don't wear that to work," he says, and Jane looks down at herself.  
"Nope. Detectives can wear casual clothes to work. I use this for formal occasions. They're called 'dress blues.'"  
Levi steps into the room as Jane sits down on the bed to pull on her shoes. "You got a lot of medals on there."  
Jane looks down at her chest and sighs, "Yeah."  
Levi comes to sit down next to her on the bed, he reaches out and fingers one of the little golden circles. "Mrs. Lomask says you saved a ton of people and you been in real dangerous situations."  
Jane bites back her comment that Mrs. Lomask should mind her own fucking business. "mm," she says noncommittally.  
There is a pause, and Levi seems to be gathering his courage. He looks up at her, "what is a JCR killer?" _

_Jane looks down at him, startled. This is the name that the press has given the serial killer because of his chosen victims. Jane and Maura have been very careful not to watch the news in front of their children, or mention the name at all in their presence.  
"Where did you hear that name?" Jane asks, hoping that Levi does not hear the outright panic in her voice  
"School," He says, with wide eyes. "Is it after you? Jason said his mother said I was a poor little duck," Levi bites his lip, "He says his mom says it would be a trad- jed -dee for me to lose two families."  
Jane grits her teeth, trying to think of a suitable, child friendly replacement for what she wants to call Jason's mother.  
"Are you going to die?"  
"No," Jane says quickly, and she wraps her arms around him tightly. "No." She kisses the top of his head.  
Levi takes a big breath, and looks up at Jane, his blue eyes round and scared. "Ma? Can I love you? Are you safe for loving?"  
It takes everything Jane has not to sob. She squeezes him tighter. "Yes. Yes. You can, honey. I am. It's alright." _

_They sit together, holding on, until Maura comes to tell them it's time to go._

* * *

_..._

The service is simple and nice, with music that the program indicates John had chosen himself ("every cop has his funeral planned out by his second day on the job," Frankie had told Maura once. "Thousand bucks says Jane's got hers planned down to the sox jersey she wants to be buried in"), and after the moment of silence, Alan Rosario stands from his seat in the front row and walks toward the pulpit.

"John Christopher Butler was my partner for almost five years. We came up through the Academy together. He was like a brother to me…"  
Maura puts her hand on the back of Jane's neck as the detective lowers her head, shoulders shaking. Maura wants to pull her into her arms right there and comfort her, explain to her that this is not her fault, but she knows that this would draw attention to Jane, and that's the last thing Jane wants. She settles for rubbing her hand up and down Jane's back, listening to Rosario's increasingly emotional speech.

"And…And he didn't deserve to go out like that. Trying to look out for everyone all the time, just trying to be a good guy... He was a great guy and a damn good cop until that fire. W-he was an unsug hero!" Rosario's voice gets louder, and two of the pallbearers step forward, unsure. "He didn't deserve it!" He hated it cop work…He hated being out there in the field, being away from you and the boys, May," He looks down to where Butler's wife is sitting, toddler in her lap and her eldest son, stoic beside her. "He _hated it_. And now he's gone because of it. And them that did this, they're gonna get theirs. In this life, or in the next one. They're gonna…" But the pallbearers do move forward now, taking his arms firmly, leading him away.

For a moment there is a shocked silence, and Jane sits up, wiping her eyes, and looks up at the podium where Rosario was standing, frowning.

...

* * *

_"He was killed here," Maura says, as Jane stares down at the paper. "The flow and angle of the blood suggests that this stain here," she indicates a spot a few feet away, "Is where he was hit,"  
Jane nods, and tries to fight the nausea in her stomach, "he stumbled, turned around and tried to fight his attacker," Maura continues, "And was stabbed."  
Jane looks at another, dark stain several yards away. "What's that then?"  
Maura looks at Jane, "We have to run some tests, Jane…It's not from Butler."  
Jane's eyes widen in realization, and she feels vomit push itself up into the back of her throat. "So, John is just minding his own god damn business, walking…who knows where…and he stumbles on what? Our serial killer? With another woman?"  
"You're guessing," Maura says quickly, "That's a lot of guessing, Jane."  
"It's the serial killer's MO," She says and her eyes are a little wild, "So Butler crashes his party, and he gets killed and our suspect drags his newest victim off…where?"  
"The blood spatter stops at the curb, here, Jane," Frost says from the side of the road, "I'll get some techs to take pictures of the tire tracks."  
Jane nods, but seems too consumed by the narrative she's created to say anything. Maura grips her arm tightly. _

_"We don't know what happened," She says quietly, "We don't know."  
"Jane!" Frankie comes jogging up to her, "I found this, in the gutter over there."  
He drops something into her hands, and Jane and Maura both look down at it. _

_A tiny, silver key. _

_ ..._

* * *

Jane does not do the wailing wall, but she waits silently in the hall for Frankie and Frost to finish. "Frankie and John came through the Academy together," Korsak whispers to Maura, who watches as Frankie embraces first Rosario, then May, "they got pretty close."  
Leah McCarthy is there, Maura sees her stop and put her hand on Jane's arm, murmuring something before moving to take her place in line to give her condolences. Maura watches her hug May and then reach out for Rosario. He hesitates, and for a moment, it looks like he's going to hit her. But she says something, and his eyes fill with tears and they embrace.  
Maura frowns, but her confusion is interrupted as Frankie and Frost approach her. Frankie stops with Maura, but Frost moves to stand next to Jane.  
"You need help tonight, Maur?" He asks, offering his arm. She takes it, looking up at him.  
"hmm?"  
"An extra set of hands?" They both look over to where Frost is trying to talk to Jane, but it's clear that nothing he's saying is getting through. "After this…and the garage…"  
Maura feels her stomach lurch again.

"No. No I think we'll be alright." she says, knowing that Jane will want to be alone.  
Something that Frost says makes Jane's face flush with anger, and she turns away from him and strides out of the chapel towards the parking lot. Frost watches her go.

* * *

...

_Jayne Clinton-Rizzo_

_When they find the garage with the number that corresponds to the little tiny key, they also find the body. And Jane knows as soon as she sees the identification, the next target is going to be her.  
Maura gasps as she leans down to look at the body and Jane turns around.  
There are at least ten stab wounds in the victim's abdomen.  
"He's devolved so quickly," Maura says, "What set him off?"  
Jane crosses the room to a workbench, drawers open and hanging, thumbtacks scattered beneath a corkboard.  
"Left quickly," she says, "Butler was a mistake. Wrong place, wrong time."  
"He knows we're onto him," Frost says from the opposite corner. "He knew we'd find the key." _

_Jane kneels down to peer under the workbench. There're a couple pieces of paper underneath, and she slips on a glove as she pulls them out.  
Turning them over, she feels herself gasp, and both Maura and Frost look up.  
"What?"  
Jane is looking down at herself. Looking down at three different newspaper clippings. Maura and Frost come to stand next to her, and Frost puts a steadying hand on her arm when he sees.  
All three of them know that picture and headline by heart. Jane flips it to the back of the pile. _

_**Detective proves that hero is in her blood, saves two from house fire.  
**__Jane scoffs and flips to the next one. _

_It's of Jane being wheeled out of an apartment in Chelsea, her eyes wild and bright in the photo flash. __**Det. Jane Rizzoli. Invincible.  
**__Jane frowns. "Invincible." She mutters.  
"Jane," Maura says. "The murderer is devolving rapidly. "This murder is much sloppier, much less planned than the others. I don't think it's just that Butler got in the way."  
"Invincible," Jane says again, like the word is a face she's trying to place.  
"Jane," Frost tries. "We need to get you out of here, and home." When she doesn't answer, Frost gives her a little shake. "You're next, Jane," he says a little louder, and she seems to snap her focus back to him.  
She nods curtly, and Frost leads her out of the garage to his car._

* * *

_..._

They barely get home. They've barely hugged their children, and put them to bed, and waved Angela out the door, when Jane's phone is going off again. It's not dispatch, but it might as well be. Jane throws the case file down on the kitchen counter and picks up her phone.  
"Hello sir," she says, her voice exhausted, but respectful.  
Maura can hear Cavenaugh's voice on the other end of Jane's phone, watches as her wife's shoulders tense at the onslaught.  
_…Every Goddamn cop in the city on this…  
_Cavenaugh does not take kindly to losing any member of his team. Nor does he abide serial killers particularly well either. Maura reaches out to put her hand on Jane's shoulder, but she flinches away, her face hard.

"Yes, sir," she says.  
Maura closes her eyes.  
_…even if we have to dangle you out there as bait, Rizzoli. It was about you to begin with and I'm sick of dead women and cops showing up in my newspaper.  
_Maura's eyes snap open at the tinny muffled words. "No," she says quickly, firmly. But Jane holds up her hand.  
"Yes sir…" She listens again, striding a few feet away from Maura so that she can't hear what he's saying to her. "Yes, sir. First thing," She says, her tone unreadable. "Goodnight sir."  
She hangs up the phone.

"Jane." Maura comes up behind Jane, and puts her hands on the woman's hips, much too narrow. "He's upset Jane, just like you are. He's not blaming you for what-"  
"Didn't you hear Rosario? He shouldn't have gone out like that. He had a wife and kids and he was going to get a pension and sit at home and be happy. Didn't you…" She trails off, looking at nothing. Maura doesn't know how to help her, is torn between letting her rant and trying to calm her. Jane leans against the counter and Maura can see her shoulder blades through the back of her t-shirt. "Rosario…" she says quietly, and Maura waits, but no more comes.  
"Jane?" Maura touches her arm, but Jane's eyes are unfocused.  
"Did you hear Rosario? At the funeral? What did he say, Maura? Before the boys dragged him away?"

Maura frowns, remembering, "he said…he said Butler was always trying to help everyone…and…that he was an usung hero…"  
Jane is nodding, her eyes still unfocused, "And them that's done it is going to pay. Them. _Them_."  
"That's a saying, Jane." Maura says quickly, but even as she says it, she feels her heart speed up. "Them that's done it, colloquially it's used to-"  
"No…no…It makes sense…" Jane's eyes slide in and out, and Maura recognizes that look. Jane is forcing herself to focus, forcing the pain and the guilt to someplace inside herself that is hard and useful. It looks agonizing, but Maura waits, knowing not to interrupt. "It's two…It's two people…hunting together but in different comfort zones."

Maura's eyes widen, "Jane…that doesn't"  
"It makes sense. There's no focal point because…because…" She rushes out of the room, leaving Maura standing bewildered in the kitchen.

When she comes back she's holding a map. She spreads it out on the kitchen table, grabbing a pen.  
"Because there's _two _focal points. Look. Here is Rosario's place," she makes a mark, "and here are the first two murders."  
Maura watches as Jane draws two more dots, both within a mile of the first. "The next two?"  
Jane plots them out and Maura draws a breath. They are more than five miles from the first three, but within half a mile of each other.

Maura blinks, "we-we never even thought to look at it like that," she stammers.  
"And Butler," Jane says, as though she hasn't heard. "and the garage, where is the garage?"  
She plots them and they both stand back to look at the map, Maura with dawning horror. The location where they found Butler, and the garage are almost exactly equidistance between the four murder locations.

Jane's face is pale. "It's Rosario," she says, "Holy fucking shit...It's Rosario…and Butler…must have found out…_Trying to help everybody._" Jane's face goes hard with anger for a moment, and Maura knows they're thinking the same thing.  
_He killed his own partner._

"He wished you happy birthday," Maura says, feeling her stomach clench unhappily.  
Jane looks up at her.  
"I keep myself busy now anyway. Got a couple hobbies, not ashamed to say," Maura repeats, and Jane's eyes widen. "He wished you a happy birthday, but he's not back for active duty, Jane, he didn't see the banner because he wasn't ever in the bullpen. How could he know when your birthday was, unless…"  
Jane and Maura both look at the case file lying on the counter between them, but neither moves to open it. They both know the article by heart. They both know they exact section where Angela is quoted, asked about what her dominate feeling was once she learned that Jane would survive Hoyt's attack.

_I'm happy she'll be home for her birthday. It's just three weeks from now, you know._

"Jane," But Jane is already moving toward the front closet where her gun and badge are, her phone already to her ear.  
"Frost. Back up to Rosario's apartment…No…There's no time, just…call it in, meet me. NOW."  
Maura follows Jane into the front hall, watching as she buckles her belt around her waist and leans into the closet to unlock the gun safe.

"Mama?"  
Maura whirls to look at the stairs. Their children are all there, Noah in Levi's arms, Isabelle and Sofia holding hands, huddled on the stairs. Isabelle is already starting to cry.  
"Mama? Where are you going." Sofia's voice is soft, almost conversational.  
Jane struggles between her children, and her need to leave as quickly as possible.  
Maura beckons to them and they move down the stairs like they are one person. She takes Noah as they get closer.  
"Mama has to go catch a baddie," Maura says gently, hoping her voice sounds comforting and not full of the dread that is slowly sinking into her stomach.  
Isabelle sniffs, "No, Mama. It's night out. Don't go."

Jane kneels down and pulls both girls into a hug. She kisses each head. "I love you nuggets. I'll be back as soon as I can." She looks up at Levi, his face white as a sheet. She stands and kisses Noah, and then Maura, and the doctor wants to hold onto the feeling of those lips on hers. "Don't unlock the door. Don't answer your phone for anyone but family. If the second one comes here, Maura, Go to the attic."  
"Come home to me," Maura whispers, thinking of May Butler's anguished face. "Your life won't bring him back. Come _home_ to me."

Jane turns and looks at Levi, he looks back at her.  
"I love you, little boy."  
"I'll protect them, Mama," he says, and his face goes hard like hers. He is her son, after all.  
She shakes her head, and pulls him close to her. "I'll be back," she says into his hair. "I love you."

He looks up at her, but he doesn't cry.  
"I love you too."

...

She turns away from them, her family, and pulls open the door. She strides out onto the sidewalk and down towards her cruiser before she can look back. Before she can change her mind and stay warm and safe. She forces herself to think about those women, slain for no other reason than the unfortunate fact that they looked like her.

She thinks of May, and the way she'd leaned into Rosario during the service, letting his lapel soak up her tears.  
And cold hard fury rings inside of her,

wailing like the siren as she flies through the streets of Boston.

* * *

**See Y'all tonight. **


	35. Chapter 35

Jane is sitting cross legged on the couch facing the TV when Maura comes in from the kitchen.  
"Who's playing?"  
Jane looks up from her hands at the TV, then at Maura, confused. "What?"  
"You're watching football, honey," Maura says sitting down next to her. "I asked you who's playing."  
"Oh," Jane's eyes move over the screen, "Jets, Titans."  
Maura sets the plate she's brought with her on the coffee table, "I made you a second dinner. You didn't eat anything with the kids," Maura spins so that she is facing her wife, lifting her feet off the floor slowly and wrapping her legs around Jane's waist. She kisses the skinny shoulder, waiting for Jane to relax again. "It's a cheeseburger."  
Jane nods absently, "Thanks…Maur."  
"Jane." Maura kisses Jane's shoulder again, but the brunette doesn't respond. She's back to staring at her hands, deep in thought.

It's been barely two weeks since the incident, and Maura knows that she's struggling. They haven't talked about what exactly is bothering the dark haired detective, and Maura knows they will when she's ready… But she can't keep not eating.  
"Jane," she says again, and Jane blinks a few times, turning to look at her. Maura smiles, putting her hand on Jane's back. "Pick up your cheeseburger, pretty girl."  
Jane looks down at the coffee table like she's in a dream, and her hands shake the tiniest bit as she raises the food obediently into the air. "It's made just the way you like it," Maura says, and Jane blinks at the food like she's never seen it before in her life.  
"Take a bite," Maura says, frowning not at Jane's apparent disinterest, but at the way she seems to honestly not know what to do.  
Jane takes a bite of the burger and her eyes flutter shut as she chews, her brow furrowing.  
Maura leans forward puts her lips on Jane's temple, her hand rubbing up and down her back. Jane swallows.  
"Good girl," Maura whispers, "Another."

They get through the entire burger that way, with Maura whispering in her ear and rubbing her back, and when Jane is done, she sighs, _almost_ like she could be content.

Maura starts to move, to get up, maybe get her some more food, But Jane's hands fly to the leg around her front and hold on.  
"No," She says, "Not yet."  
Maura nods, pushing closer so that Jane's side is flush against her front. "Okay," she says resting her forehead on Jane's shoulder. "Okay."  
Jane puts her head on Maura's, taking a deep breath.  
"Do you want to talk about it, Jane?"  
A head shake.  
"Can I ask you questions?"  
A pause…A nod.  
Maura considers Jane's grip on her knee. "Are you afraid of losing me?" she whispers.  
Jane nods, taking another deep breath to forestall tears.  
"Because of what happened with Leah?" the name makes Jane flinch, and Maura automatically starts rubbing her back. "Is it because you think I'm going to judge you for what you did? That I'm going to think less of you? Because-"  
"No." Jane says and her voice is firm. Maura falls silent, but Jane doesn't say anymore.  
"I love you." Maura says, and although it feels like a hopelessly small confession, Jane smiles a little.  
"Again," she says quietly, and Maura smiles too, kissing her shoulder.  
"I love you," She repeats. "I love you so much."

* * *

_"You have to believe I didn't want it to go down like this. I'm not a dirty cop. I never killed anybody."  
They stand in the hallway, outside Rosario's doorway. She'd been hoping that Alan would just come quietly, but the three bullet holes in the wall opposite his apartment door are proving otherwise.  
"You killed Butler," she growls, cocking her gun. Frost, on the other side of the door, follows her lead.  
"No. SHE killed Butler." Tears spring to his eyes immediately. "She killed them all. I just wanted…I just wanted…"  
"Recognition," Frost's voice is low, more dangerous than Jane has ever heard it, and she thinks maybe she is rubbing off on him. Maybe he hates dirty cops as much as she does. "Five women and an officer are dead because you wanted people to know you?" Frost's hand twitches on the trigger.  
She can hear the far off cry of police cars as they get closer, answering her partner's call for back up.  
"Give it up, Rosario. You're going down for murder."  
"That wasn't the plan…That was never the plan. Rough them up. Steal their stuff. Then me come and make everything better… I didn't realize… I didn't, I didn't know until after…"  
"Where's May, Rosario?" Jane asks, crouching down on her side of the door, nodding at Frost who nods back, his hands steady as he raises his gun "Where's your partner?"  
"What…May…Sh-she's not my…you mean you haven't got her?" His voice is high and scared. "y-you didn't get her?" _

_Jane looks across at Frost, trying to comprehend, "Get who?"  
"I-I thought that's why you were here, Rizzoli…I thought you got her and she gave me up..."  
Jane feels the first trickle of fear seep down her neck like somebody has cracked an egg over her head. "Rosario," She says, fighting to breath normally. "Put the gun, down."  
There is silence, and then the clunk of something hitting the floor. After a moment, the .22 slides out the door into the hallway.  
Frost grabs at it as Jane rounds the corner, gun still raised, but she stops abruptly when she sees him.  
"Fuck. Frost call a bus!" she says and she kneels down beside Rosario as he coughs, and blood spatters the floor. He's been stabbed in the stomach.  
"Jane!" He says looking up at her like he's really seeing her for the first time. He has never called her that before. It's always been Rizzoli and Rosario. She looks down at him, fear starting to dampen her fury.  
"Jane!" he says again. "You have to go home! You have to-" He coughs again.  
"Who's your partner?" she asks, even though she knows. Even though the terror that's ripping through her chest has already told her the answer.  
"It's Leah…" He says between gasps, "It's Leah McCarthy."_

* * *

_..._

"Leah used to call her invincible," Frost says quietly. He and Maura are sitting on a park bench watching Jane play soccer with her three oldest children in the field nearby A couple yards away, Tommy and Lydia push a squealing Noah on the swings. It is sunny and almost warm, and Jane and Maura have come down to the commons trying to rid their children of some of their energy.  
"Used to sort of brag about her, Especially when Jane came up top in every category. Top over the guys even…In things like hand to hand…it was unheard of. "  
Maura tries to shut down the hazy shadowed image of Jane backhanding Leah across the face. She blinks and looks out at her family, smiling as Isabelle jumps onto Jane's back, trying to tackle her to the ground. It is only when she is with her children that Jane seems to come alive again, spinning them and tossing Noah into the air, reading them bed time stories and kissing them good night. But Maura also notices that she operates like a single parent, that she seems surprised when Maura appears by her side every morning.

"It was one of the things they would do. Before Jane would leave for undercover. She'd ask Leah to 'say who she was' and Leah would say: 'You're Jane Rizzole. You're strong, you're beautiful, and you're invincible.'" Frost shakes his head sadly, "invincible."  
"She thought it was May," Maura says , "Because May called her invincible at the funeral. But Butler had shown her the clipping before he'd left. Said he had to go and talk to Jane about something to do with a case."  
Frost looks at her sharply, "Oh, God, she doesn't know that, does she?"  
Maura shakes her head, "I made Korsak add it as a footnote after they'd formally closed the case. She's struggling enough."

"How are the kids?"  
"Fine, when we're with them. Levi won't go to school, Noah will barely sleep. Sofia wet the bed last night." Maura sighs, watching them run after Jane, trying to tackle her again. "I want to keep it Saturday and daylight for them all the time," she says.  
Frost nods, and smiles as Jane's shrieks reach them. " She's amazing," he says. "It was surreal for me. U don't know how she's managing."  
Maura looks at Frost, brow furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about?"  
He looks at her, incredulous. "What happened in the house," he says as though this is obvious, "with Leah. I was there and it was hard for me…I don't know how she's dealing with it so well."  
Maura's frown deepens, "Dealing with what? Shooting a cop?" Maura sighs, "She's not. Not at home, anyway. I've told her over and over that Leah barely qualifies as a-"  
But Barry takes her hand, waiting until she looks at him to speak. "Maura, it's not that Leah was a cop… It was pitch dark. The kids were everywhere, Noah was screaming his head off…" the younger detective works his jaw, "The way she was dressed, the way she cried out when the gun went off…" He looks away and then back, searching her face for comprehension.  
Maura shakes her head. "I don't understand," She says simply, and Frost hesitates, clearly trying to decide if he should say anything.

Out in the field Jane gives a shout as Levi and Sofia jump on her too, and the combined weight of her children drags her down to the ground. Maura can't help but think of grass stains. She looks back at Frost, who has not taken his eyes off of her.

"Barry-"she says, and worry is starting to make the sun seem less bright. "What are you saying?"  
"Maura. Everything happened so fast. The way Leah called out her name when she fell…" He pauses and then seems to compose himself.

"Jane thought she shot _you_, Maura… We both did."

* * *

...

_Jane does not let the car come to a complete stop before she is out of it and running towards the house. It's just after midnight, and the streetlights are the only lights. There is not one light on in her house. She fights the urge to scream Maura's name, and then she fights the urge to pass out completely when she sees the broken window and the open front door.  
Frost grabs her arm, catching up with her on the bottom step. "Jane. We should wait. We should-" but one look at her face must tell him everything he needs to know. She is going in with or without him. There is not anything that could keep her from going to her family right that moment. _

_"Okay." He says, dropping her arm and reaching to detach his firearm. "Okay. But together. Covered. Okay Jane?"  
She nods, searching his face, "those are my kids, Frost, okay? So…"  
"You don't have to tell me to shoot second, Jane." He says, tightening his vest. "They're my family too."  
Jane would smile if she wasn't so fucking terrified, and she would hug him if she didn't need to see each member of her family so badly that it was like a physical wound._

_The light switch doesn't work, and Jane swears under her breath. Leah McCarthy, Daughter of Electric Dan, Boston's best electrician.  
She climbs the stairs, Barry directly behind her. The door to both the girls and boys room is shut firmly, but the door to the master bedroom is cracked open, and as a car zooms around the corner, the headlights lighting up the hall, and Jane gasps. Someone is standing next to the bed, looking down at the sleeping form that is Maura Isles.  
At the gasp, the person looks up, and two green eyes sparkle in the sudden glare.  
"NO!" Jane's first shot hits the door, but it does what she wants it too. The force of the bullet makes the door swing back on its hinges, and it pulls Maura from her slumber with a yell.  
"MauraMOVE!" it could be one word the way it tumbles from Jane's mouth, but the command is not a second too late, as Leah's knife sinks into the mattress where her wife's chest would have been second earlier.  
Jane fires again, but misses, the shadowed bedroom, and her angle making it impossible.  
Maura rolls out of bed and to the floor. "Jane!" she cries out. _

_As if in answer, the door down the hall opens and Levi comes into the hall, skinny and vulnerable looking in his t-shirt and shorts.  
"Mommy?"  
"Levi, No," Jane turns, "Frost!"  
Her partner holsters his gun and turns to the boy on the landing. "Levi," he says, "come here,"  
"JANE!" The sound makes Jane's heart stop. She has never heard Maura sound more scared, and she drops her gun, rounding the corner to the bedroom, where Leah has Maura by the hair. _

_"No!" She lunges blindly, everything else driven from her mind. "No!"  
Leah knees her hard in the stomach, trying to get free, and Jane grabs at her, realizing that the woman is wearing night clothes…Pajamas not unlike the kind Maura would wear.  
"Maura. Get out!" she yells, "Go. Go up! Go…"Leah struggles, and Jane backhands her across the face so hard that her own hand tingles with pain. _

_"MAMA!" Isabelle. _

_"Mommy!" Sofia. In the hall. _

_The sound of her children makes her loosen her grip enough for Leah to slip through. She barely even registers Jane as she lurches after Maura's retreating back.  
"No!" She struggles after them. Seeing the knife still clutched firmly in Leah's hand. In Leah's hand? _

_Why is she dressed…_

_"Maura!" a car passes and illuminates the hallway for the briefest of seconds, and Jane sees Maura, pushing Levi up the attic stairs, reaching back for Isabelle's hand, and she sees Leah, her hand on Sofia's shoulder. Frost is reaching for Sofia too.  
In Leah's other hand she has the fat, silver knife._

_This last sight makes her brain slow down. Leah…with her hand on Sofia…holding a…_

_"Get your hands off my daughter," Jane cries, and her voice is shot through with such fury, that Frost sees Maura almost let go of Isabelle.  
Jane drops to her knees, feeling around on the floor until her hands close over it. _

_Her gun. _

_Noah starts to scream.  
"Get him!" Jane yells at her partner, and he detours into the boys room to calm the screaming toddler.  
"GO! Levi," Maura says forcefully, as Levi stops to look behind him at Jane. She redoubles her hold on Isabelle and all but throws her up the stairs after her brother. "GO!"  
"Don't yell at me!" Leah screams out of the darkness, and she yanks Sofia's arm hard enough that the little girl cries out. "I would never hurt our children." _

_Our children. Our __**children**__….what is happening…Jane cannot see and she cannot…_

_But Maura says her name, her voice plaintive and terrified, and she would know that voice anywhere…wouldn't she?  
Frost comes back out into the hall, just as another car flashes by.  
and everything happens at once. Maura turns back for Sofia, closing the gap between them and grabbing Sofia around the waist.  
Sofia's eyes go wide. "Mama!" she screams, and Leah looks up at Jane, her wide, scared green eyes finding brown just as the detective pulls the trigger.  
"No! Jane!" She cries.  
Maura doesn't say anything at all. She has pulled Sofia to her, covering her daughter's face as the sound of the gunshot rings out into the night.  
And then the car is gone. _

_And everything is black._

* * *

_..._

"No. No."  
"Jane," Maura is awake almost instantly, like she's been waiting for this moment, even in her sleep. She reaches out and smooths the detective's hair away from her face. "Jane, wake up, Honey."  
Jane's face freezes in an expression of terror and confusion. "_No. _Oh my God."  
Maura shakes her head, pulling Jane close, rolling her on top of her. "wake up, Jane." She says into the brunette's ear, and she feels her wife stiffen and jerks awake.  
"Oh, my God," she shudders. "Oh, my god, Maura. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She tries to move away, but Maura holds her tight.  
"I'm fine." She whispers. "Stop," she says as Jane fights against her, "Jay, honey, _stop it," _  
But Jane is too strong for her, and she pulls away, breathing heavily.

Maura sits up, pulling her shirt over her head, inspiration coming to her. "Jane, look!" she says and the brunette glances up at her and away, like she's embarrassed.  
Maura shakes her head, reaching out to put her hand on Jane's arm. "No, honey, look again. You didn't shoot me. Look. I'm fine. You didn't hurt me. You saved me. You saved our children. You are unfailingly amazing and wonderful and-"  
But Jane whirls around and presses Maura back against the bed, her hand gentle, but firm against the bottom of the doctor's throat.  
Maura lies very still, watching while Jane inspects every inch of her shoulders and chest, her deep brown eyes intense and terrified.  
"Maura," she says after a moment, and the smaller woman reaches up to put her hand on Jane's cheek.  
"I'm here."  
"I thought that-"  
"I know. But you didn't."  
"Our children…"  
"Are fine. Are still scared sometimes, but are going to be fine." Maura tugs gently on the back of Jane's neck, and after a second, the brunette obliges, sliding her head under Maura's chin and sighing.  
"I'm scared."  
"I know," Maura says, rubbing Jane's shoulder blades, "I know. But we'll get through it. Like everything else.  
"This feels different."  
"It is. But what I said still applies.'  
Jane's body relaxes a little. And Maura nods. "Go to sleep, sweetheart."

"Say me." Jane says a little while later, already half asleep. "_Please_. Say who I am."  
Maura thinks for a moment. "Jane Rizzoli," Maura pauses for half a second, "Isles. Jane Rizzoli-Isles. Strong, beautiful," Jane tenses, waiting for _invincible._ Maura squeezes her.  
"Human," she whispers. "You're _human._ I love you and I wouldn't have you any other way."  
"Maura," Jane struggles.  
"Shh. Go to sleep, Jane." Maura makes sure to use her wife's name.

And Jane obeys immediately.

* * *

**hiya. we're still going, but I'm taking a break from endless writing to give you this...because I know I left you waiting.  
I cannot tell you how wonderful your reviews have been. How they motivate inspire, awe and delight me. Honestly. every single person who has reviewed. and all of you lurking in the backgrounds. this wouldn't be possible without you. **

**new chapter soon. I know there are a ton of unanswered questions in here. They're going to come out in the next, with a whole lotta dialogue, between a TON of different people. No one in my story is totally evil, guys. **

**Not even leah. **

**happy reading. **

**tc**


	36. Chapter 36

Maura presses the numbers into the keypad and opens the door on the tall brunette man standing on her front porch. He holds out his hand and smiles, but she neither takes it, nor returns the smile.

"Come in," she says, although her tone says 'go away' very clearly.

"Dr. Isles," he says, "It's a pleasure to meet you in person after all our time on the phone."

Maura says nothing, as she has no wish to get hives, and gestures him into the living room. He takes off his hat, and then his coat, draping it over his arm. Maura bends to rid one of the arm chairs of action figures and motions that he should sit down.

"As I told you over the phone, Doctor Peyton, there was really no need for you to come."

Dr. Peyton smiles."I was hoping I could persuade you more fully when the click of a receiver is not enough to terminate our conversation," he replies. His gentle smile does not waver. It makes Maura mad. He seems to have noticed how inhospitable she is being, and yet it does not seem to phase him. "Is your partner home? I was hoping that I could speak with her as well."

"My _wife _is out with our children. I expect her home within the hour, but I also expect you to be gone by then."

Sometimes Maura Isles loves the things she got from her mother.

"Doctor Isles," for the first time, the smile on the man's lips falters a bit. "I did not come here to argue with you. You should not see me as a threat," He pauses as Maura scoffs, but continues when she doesn't say anything. "You know that Leah was transferred to me four days ago. I sent you the notes on everything she's going through. Everything that she believes. I am just trying to aid in my patient's rehabilitation."

Maura crosses her legs tightly, pointing a finger at him. "And what about my wife's rehabilitation? What about my children? Your _patient_ came into my house. She terrified my children and she traumatized Jane. She tried to kill me. I want nothing to do with her rehabilitation, no matter how dissociative or regressed she may be."

The doctor's smile is back. "You read my notes,"

Maura narrows her eyes, angry at herself. "I'm not bringing Jane to see Leah."

"Because you're afraid of the psychological ramifications it might have for her."

"Yes."

"You think it will be damaging."

"I'm almost sure that it will be damaging, yes."

The doctor leans forward, "But what if it could help her? Maura-" Maura's eyes flash and he recognizes his mistake immediately, "Doctor Isles. Jane is suffering. She needs some type of closure. She's unable to come to terms with her actions because of what Leah symbolizes to her. She's not going to get better unless she's able to separate-"

"Don't you dare speak about her like you know her. Don't you dare tell me what she _needs._" Maura stands up, "It's time for you to go."

He stands, looking apologetic, "I didn't mean to upset you. And I don't mean to pry. But think about what I've said. I'm asking for twenty minutes of you and your wife's time. To hear me out. If you don't have any interest in what I'm saying. If you and Ja-Detective Rizzoli- do not think that this can help her in any way. I will leave you alone."

He moves to the door without her say so, but he hands her his card before he goes.

"Think about it."

* * *

...

Jane manages to hold it together through dinner and bath time and story time, chasing after a giggling naked Noah as he runs down the hall, and kissing all four children good night, singing their bedtime song.

_Make believe you're brave, and the trick will take you far. You may be as brave as you make believe you are…_

All her songs these days revolve around bravery and safety, and Maura laughs as the twins purse their lips and try to whistle. Levi almost gets it, and Sofia after a moment. Noah manages only to drool on himself, and Isabelle loses interest quickly, snuggling down under the covers.

"Can we all stay in here, Mama? Together?"

Jane glances at Maura who nods, lifting Isabelle and Noah into the top bunk, "Yes, lovelies, of course you can."

But now, without her children to confirm Maura's presence, Jane gets lost again, and when Maura descends the stairs from her shower, Jane is sitting on the floor in the kitchen, head on her knees.

"Jane!"

"No. No, please."

"It's me."

"Go away."

"Jane."

"_go away_..I can't. I-I can't. Please don't do this to me."

"Janie,"

But Jane clutches her head, her fingernails digging into her head, shoulders shaking. "Go away go away go away..."

Maura kneels down next to her wife, ignoring how she flinches when Maura touches her knee.

Maura bites her lip, thinking. "Fia was six pounds three ounces when she was born," Maura says quietly, squeezing Jane's knee again. "Screaming like a banshee, do you remember?"

Jane stills.

"She was so loud; waving her little fists around, even the doctor was surprised at how strong she was, even then." She waits, and after a moment, Jane speaks.

"More."

"Remember when Isabelle hid all of your socks?"

Jane's hands loosen around her head but she doesn't look up.

"She thought if you didn't have socks, you couldn't leave to go to work anymore, so she hid them all under the sofa, remember, Jane? I couldn't figure out what kept plugging up the vacuum?"

"She's smart." Jane's hands drop to wrap around her legs, and Maura rubs up her arms.

"They both are. They're both smart and resilient. And so are our boys." She pauses again as Jane's breathing evens out.

"Maura. I need to see." Jane looks up at her, and Maura nods, leaning forward to wrap her arms around her, burying her face in her neck, and the detective holds her tightly, as if afraid to let her go. Jane stands, and Maura wraps her legs around the slender waist as she gets up, still thrilling at the show of strength despite the situation. She loves the way Jane can lift her like she's one of their children.

Jane sets Maura down gently on the kitchen counter, and Maura lets her robe fall open to the shoulders, just above the start of her cleavage, looking up into Jane's face. Jane reaches out to ghost her fingers over Maura's collarbone.

"You're beautiful," Jane whispers.

Maura smiles, but doesn't answer. They've been employing a lot of the same techniques that they learned from therapy after Jane's shooting, and as Jane's eyes sweeps the clean expanse of skin, Maura waits for her to initiate contact again. Her cue to speak.

"It was so dark."

Maura nods.

"I was so scared." She leans forward and pulls Maura into an embrace, and Maura kisses Jane's neck, sighing. She can't help thinking of Dr. Peyton. While they are able to get these moments under control pretty quickly, the dreams and the confusion seem to be getting worse, not better, and Maura really is at a loss at how to decrease the frequency.

_Jane is suffering. I can help her._

"I'm sorry," Jane whispers it like a plea into Maura's hair.

"Honey, I'm fine, I-"

"No," long fingers contract around her waist. "I'm sorry that I'm...Like this now."

Maura sighs, running her hands up and down Jane's back.

_Jane is suffering._

"Maybe we should think about moving to-"

"No." Jane tightens her grip. It's not the first time Maura has brought up moving, temporarily or otherwise. "No. I'm not going to uproot...my kids."

Maura kisses Jane's neck, "whose kids, honey?" she asks gently.

"the..."

"Whose?" she prods gently, rubbing circles on Jane's shoulder blades.

"Our kids."

Maura nods, kissing her again, trying to put as much of herself against Jane as she can, to reassure her. "Okay," she says, "no moving."

Jane's stomach rumbles in reply and Maura chuckles, pulling away. "You're hungry." she says, slipping down off the counter, pulling her robe back up over her shoulders, "that's good." She feels Jane's eyes on her as she opens the fridge. "What do you want to eat?"

"Cereal. Frosted Flakes," Jane says, and Maura is about to protest that Jane needs more than that in her system when the memory hits her.

She and Jane stranded in a cabin in Colorado, snowed in with nothing but frosted flakes and Snapple iced tea. Maura smiles and opens the cabinet. "Okay," she says, "but I am one hundred percent sure that there is no Snapple in the house."

When she turns around, Jane's face is nothing but gratitude. Maura feels her own stomach squirm.

Omission is not a lie…Right? She hasn't told Jane about Dr. Peyton. She hasn't mentioned anything about Leah's recovery or subsequent transfer to the state inpatient facility outside of Worcester.

She tries to take a step back and see it from a logical perspective, to picture her wife as any other patient with anxiety and guilt.

What would Dr. Isles, clinical doctor, suggest?

"Jane," she says, setting the bowl down in front of her wife. "I have to tell you something.

* * *

...

"Married?"

Jane's hands squeeze Maura's immediately.

Dr. Peyton nods, "Four years. A woman named Janelle Roberts." He hands them a photograph out of the folder he's holding.

Maura and Jane look down at two women, one of them Leah, smiling wide, arms around a red headed woman with bright blue eyes. Jane frowns. She looks away. "At least she doesn't look anything like me," Jane says quietly.  
"They were quite happy by all accounts. Janelle worked in accounting. Leah was on the fast track to become a detective, not unlike yourself, Jane."

Jane's eyes snap up to meet Dr. Peyton's and he smiles at her.

"So what happened, then? Did they divorce?"

He pauses. "Janelle was shot in a mugging on her way home from work. About a year ago."

For a moment there is silence, and Maura feels Jane shift back, like this information is pushing at her.

"She was out on a leave of absence for eight months. At the end of it, she and her therapist decided a new start would be beneficial for her…So she was transferred to Boston."

"This wasn't a new start," Jane says and her voice is dropping towards dangerous. "She'd already been here."

"Her therapist cleared her for beat work, and it was recommended that she be closer to her family." He pauses, "She mentioned that the friends she made in the Academy were some of the best she ever had. She mentioned that your relationship was one of her fondest memories."

"Why didn't anyone fucking say anything?" Jane bursts out. "Her wife gets murdered and she gets a transfer?"

"Doctor-Patient confidentiality requires that no details be given when the psychiatrist gives his recommendation. Her doctor at the time believed she was ready to enter the force again-"

Jane flushes angrily and the doctor continues, talking faster, "She wasn't given a gun, as you'll recall, and she was cleared only for beat-"

"I'm sure that will be a great comfort to the five victims she hit over the head and stabbed in the stomach. I'm sure John Jr. would love to hear that. Don't worry ladies," Jane looks up as though looking to the heavens, "She didn't have a _gun_. No big deal, John Jr. She only _stabbed_ your father to death. Thank _God_ it wasn't shooting."

"Detective-"

"Someone should have _told_ us."

"How would you feel if your entire squad knew the intimate details of what happened between you and Hoyt? How that man played with your psyche?"

Maura catches her breath angrily, leaning forward, "Now you wait just one moment-" She begins, but Jane is already firing up again.

"HOYT WAS NOT MY WIFE." she bellows, "If I lost Maura?" the thought seems to render her momentarily speechless, and Maura puts her hand on Jane's shoulder. Jane swallows, and anger wins out over panic.

"If I lost Maura," She says, and her voice is low again, "You'd better damned well tell everyone in the city that Detective Jane Rizzoli has lost her fucking mind, and to be prepared because she's armed and crazy." Maura almost smiles at this. "Are you kidding me? Rodecker's wife died a year ago from Cancer. Left him with three kids. Cavenaugh won't let him _look_ at a beat," Jane tries to show the extent of her anger with her hands, and Maura watches Dr. Peyton study the faint scars on her palms.

"I understand you're upset."

Jane points one long finger at the doctor, and Maura has to admit that he had been right. This is the closest that Jane has come to acting like herself in a while.

"You understand _nothing_."

"I understand that every time you look at your wife you're unsure if it's her that you wounded… Or even if it's her at all."

Maura catches her breath and Jane looks around at her with wide, angry eyes.

"She didn't tell me," Dr. Peyton says quickly. "She would never do that to you. I guessed from my work with Leah."

Jane looks back at him, completely at a loss for words, and he puts his hands out, "I guessed," he says. "Am I wrong?"

Jane flexes, rolling her shoulders, and Maura knows that if they were alone she would growl.

"Am I wrong, Jane?" Dr. Peyton asks again, and Maura glares at him, putting her hand up. He sits back in the arm chair, waiting.

Maura is finally on board. She agrees with him that she should see Leah and get some closure, but she is not going to let him push her too quickly or too far.

She reaches out and puts her hand on Jane's cheek, turning her so that they are looking at each other.

"Maur-" But Maura presses her lips to Jane's, her kiss lingering, not caring about the man that sits across from them.

"I love you," she whispers.  
Jane's eyes stay closed even after Maura has pulled away, and when she opens them, she looks at Maura for a long time before turning away to face Dr. Peyton.

She takes a breath.

"What do you want from me?"

* * *

...

Leah's hair is brown. Jane looks startled when Dr. Peyton points at her through the glass of the observation room. Her hair is brown and stringy and she looks small and harmless.

They've driven down to Worcester in the driving rain, Jane in the backseat of Dr. Peyton's car, looking out the window like a belligerent child being dragged on a family trip.

She had balked twice at the door, and Maura had had to coax and bribe and flatter her through it.

Now they stand looking in at Leah McCarthy.

"We'll be behind that window over there," Dr. Peyton says, "If you stand up, Jane. We'll buzz you right out."

"Her arm is still in a sling," Jane says, frowning.

"The bullet tore the suprascapular nerve and pierced the artery as well," Dr. Peyton replies and Jane looks at Maura, who has flinched.

"It means she won't regain full use of that arm, Jane," Maura says gently, "Even with rigorous physical therapy."

Jane looks back through the glass. "Her hair is brown."

"She's been dying it since she was fourteen," He says, "She doesn't get hair dye in here."

Jane's frown deepens, "Why are you telling me all of this? Where's _your_ Doctor-patient confidentiality?"

"She signed a release," Dr. Peyton says quietly, and Jane turns to look at him. "Anything you or Dr. Isles wanted to know…would you like to see the form she signed?"

Jane shakes her head.

"She gave me permission to speak with you, Detective, but she really would like to speak with you herself."

"What if I don't want to speak with her?" Jane squares her shoulders.

"If you did not, I think you would not have come," he replies, and Jane bristles at once.

Maura steps forward, "We can leave whenever you want, Jane," She says and when Jane's hands reach for her she takes one in each of her own, kissing them.

"Maur,"

"Do you trust me, Jane?"

One quick nod.

"Then go talk to her. If she says one word, and you hate it, we'll go. I'll take you home and we can watch The Rookie on repeat until I know it by heart."

Maura is rewarded with half a smile.

Jane turns back to the door and takes one, deep breath.

...

_Leah stands over Janine, watching the bright blue eyes gaze up at her frantically. _

_"Please," she says, as Leah kneels down next to her. "p-please. I'll do, I'll do anything."_

_Leah frowns, kneeling down next to her. Taking the knife from her pocket. _

_"Don't say things you don't mean," She whispers. _

_... _

"I didn't think you would come."

"I didn't think so either."

"Dr. Peyton said not to get my hopes up."

"He's not a great negotiator."

Leah surveys Jane for a moment, "Maura's here, then?"

"Keep your mouth off of Maura," Jane growls, and Leah's eyebrows shoot up, but she nods.

"Okay."

They sit in silence for a moment, Jane looking down at her hands and Leah studying Jane.

"Dr. Peyton told me you were married." Jane says.

Leah's face registers a spasm of pain, "Yes."

"He says you dissociated."

"I did."

"So you don't remember?"

"I remember pieces."

Silence.

"She looked nothing like me."

"She did…when I met her…but she dyed it. She wanted to stand out."

Jane frowns at her hands.

Leah takes a breath."I thought I would be safer, near you. I talked about that a lot with my therapist in Seattle. She said that if you were where I felt safe then I should come back."

Jane seems to sag under the weight of this confession, and Maura tenses behind the one way glass. "Jane can't take any more pressure," She says to Dr. Peyton. "She can't carry one more person."

But the Dr. points, and Maura looks back through the window.

"But I did it fucking wrong," Leah is saying. "We meant as friends. We meant that I could trust you with what happened…and I-I saw you and…I-all I could see was Janelle…and then." Leah stops, frowning at nothing. "It was like…seeing you. It was like Janelle wasn't gone…she'd just…left to come to Boston, and now here I was, and we could be happy again."

Jane shakes her head, like she doesn't care about any of this. "Why am I here, Leah? Why did you want to see _me?_"

...

_The blow to the back of Jamie's head almost doesn't knock her to the ground, and for a second, Leah is both afraid and elated that she's found someone who will fight back. Who might put her out of this weird half-life that she seems to be in. Where her wife is with some look alike, and her children don't even call her mommy. She saw them yesterday, as that blonde woman picked them up from school. She'd waved. _

_They hadn't even looked at her._

_ But Jamie stumbles and rolls over, and the glow of the street light above her makes her hair look like it has orange streaks. _

_"Please…Please…I'm at the end of a twelve hour rotation. I want to go home." _

_Janelle would not have begged anyone for her life. _

_Jane most certainly wouldn't have. _

_"Don't we all," she growls, and she doesn't even feel the knife sink into this woman. And as the life leaves her eyes she is tempted to kiss her. Just once. _

_But she doesn't._

_She's not a cheater._

_..._

"Why didn't you kill me?"

Jane's head snaps up. "What?"

"Why didn't you shoot to kill?"

Jane rolls her shoulders, "It was dark. I couldn't see-"

"Bullshit, Rizzoli," Leah says, and for a moment she looks like her old self. Like she could be flirting. "You could hit a fly in a snowstorm," she pauses and Jane looks up at her for the first time since she got there, and really looks at her.

"Why didn't you kill me?"

Jane looks at Leah for a moment, "You shouted out. Right before I pulled the trigger. You shouted out my name, and…" Jane pauses, "You sounded normal. The way you would sound when we were playing basketball, or when I would grab you when you didn't want me to…" She stops again and runs a hand over her face. "And I couldn't kill you, El. I couldn't. But I couldn't let you…"

"Kill Maura." Leah finishes.

Jane starts to cry.

...

_"Get a grip? Get a grip?" Alan paces around and around the living room, "How can you ask me to get a grip, McCarthy, you killed my partner! You KILLED him. He's dead." _

_"Shut up." Leah doesn't recognize her own voice, she's not sure how she came to be here, in this man's apartment, covered in blood. _

_"This is fucked. This is so fucked. There's no way I can save any of this shit now. You're KILLING people. You crazy. crazy bitch!" _

_Leah blinks at him, her head hurts. She wants to go home. She wants to go home to Janelle…to Jane. She's in Boston…_

_That means Jane. _

_"Shut UP, Alan," she says, grabbing at her head, "let me think." _

_"No. No more of your ideas. I'm calling the cops. I'm calling Cavenaugh. Let them hang me in the papers and put me behind bars. I'm going to tell them you killed Johnny. I'm going to tell them so that his wife can have some-" But he stops talking abruptly, and it's only when Leah looks down that she realizes this is because she's jammed her knife into his stomach.  
All the way to the hilt. _

_ ..._

"Rosario's fine," Jane says, and then immediately regrets her choice of words, "Well... I mean. He's alive. Looking at twenty five to life."

"And I get these lovely accommodations," Leah says sarcastically, "because I'm crazy."

Jane cocks an eyebrow, "You don't sound crazy to me."

Leah nods. "It was like waking up. Seeing you with that gun. It was like waking up in someone else's body, holding things you've never seen before in your life." Leah looks up at Jane, and her eyes are wet. "You have to believe me, Jane. It was like living underwater. It was like sleeping. I just wanted to…"

"Go home," Jane finishes.

"You should have killed me" Leah says bitterly, "I'd fucking do it myself, but they took away my shoelaces even."

"Janelle wouldn't want you to die." Jane says so quietly that Maura and Dr. Peyton lean forward.

Leah laughs, but it sounds insane and off kilter. Jane leans back in her seat. "Janelle would hate me for what I've done. She wouldn't be able to look at me."

Jane shakes her head, her eyes back on the Formica table top that separates them. "She would want to hold you and tell you she loves you and that she forgives you."

Leah reaches out across the table and grabs Jane's wrist. Jane jerks in her grasp, and Leah redoubles her grip, holding on.

"No!" Maura puts her hands against the window instinctively, trying to get to her wife.

Dr. Peyton puts his hand on the red buzzer by the door, but doesn't press it.

"Do you forgive me, Jane? I know…I know I was your place holder. I know I was never like her," Jane flinches, "But did you love me? Could you have _loved_ me?"

Jane stares at Leah, her brown eyes dry and wide, and Maura can read the answer there, clear and terrible.

"Oh, Jane," she whispers, catching her breath.

"Yes," Jane lies. "Yes. I could have." And Leah lets her go; dropping her head to the table, sobs of relief shaking her body, shand Jane puts a hand tentatively on the back of her head, looking down at her, frowning.

After a moment, she stands up.

"Good-Bye, Leah."

Leah doesn't answer.

Dr. Peyton presses the button to unlock the door. Maura rushes out of the little room and around the corner, desperate to put her arms around her wife, and when she does, Jane hugs her back hard.

"I want to go home," Jane says into Maura's hair, and Maura nods.

Neither of them cries.

"Thank you, Detective," Dr. Peyton has come up behind Maura, and Jane unlatches one arm from around her to shake the doctor's hand. "You've done more than you know."

"I want to go home," Jane says again.  
"I'll call you a car."

They turn towards the entrance, Maura still holding onto Jane around the waist. "You did a really good thing for her back there, Jane," Maura whispers.

Jane looks down at her.

"She doesn't look like you at all, Maur."

* * *

Jane and Maura get home late and exhausted. Constance and Angela meet them at the door and each mother takes a daughter in her arms, holding on.

"I am quite proud of how you are holding up," Constance says into Maura's ear.

"There were no problems here," Angela tells Jane, rubbing her hand once up her back. "They all went down about twenty minutes ago. Same room.

"Thanks, Ma. Constance." Jane says tiredly, "I'm just going to go check on them,"

They watch Jane pull herself up the stairs, as though her feet weigh a ton, and Constance turns to look at Maura again, concerned.  
"It was good for her," Maura says, to stop the questions before they come. "It was the right thing to do. We're both just…"

"exhausted," Angela fills in, "of course you are."

"We'll get out of your hair."

Maura smiles, "You're welcome to stay, have a cup of coffee…"

"Actually," Constance looks sideways at Angela, "We're going to go out for a late dinner I think. Catch up…" She pauses here, looking nervous and Angela laughs.

"We're going to go talk about you and your family behind your backs. I haven't had anyone to do that with in ages…in EVER."

Maura chuckles, kissing her mother and then Angela, "That sounds horrendous. I will not tell Jane."

She watches them down the sidewalk and then closes the door, arming the system and turning to climb the stairs herself.

...

"I'm scared. Do you think Mommy is home yet?" Jane is standing outside the twins room, listening, and though she starts a little when Maura slips an arm around her, she puts a finger to her lips.

"It's okay," Levi's raspy little whisper floats out of the darkness. "We're all here, and we'll keep each other safe."

"I miss Mama," Isabelle, always the first to get teary.

"Mama's with us. Even though she's not here," Levi says, and there is a pause while someone shifts on the bed.

"Mama's here?"

"Yeah. And she knows if we're okay. And she'll come get us if we're not."

"How do you know?" Sofia's voice is skeptical.

For a while there is silence, and Maura thinks they must be asleep until Sofia's voice drifts out of the darkness again, "How do you know, Lee?"

"I slipped and fell," Levi murmurs, and Maura feels Jane's stomach tighten.

"What?"

"when me and Noah was in the basement. When Mama came and rescued us. It was cold, and wet, and I couldn't hang on real good. She had to push really hard to get Noah out of the window and I fell back. Into the water."

Maura looks up at Jane, and her face is mask like as she listens.

"I thought she would go without me," he says,

"Mama would not leave you," Isabelle says certainly.

"That's what she said," Levi's voice is straining against unshed tears.

"I told her I couldn't do anything. I wasn't for saving."

There is more silence and more shuffling and no one says anything for a while.

"What'd Mama tell you then, Lee?" Sofia, her voice barely whispering.

"She said that when she was little she didn't think she was for saving either, but she is. She said that she had to realize it and she had a lot of help. but now she knows. if if she didn't have known, she wouldnta been around to help me. She said she would take care of me. But I had to try again. We made a deal."

And as Maura listens, she can see them down there. The little boy and the tall, sooty detective, squaring off as the water rose around them.

"What was your deal?" Isabelle. Enthralled.

"She promised to keep me safe, but I hadda climb through the window, and let the doctors and nurses at the hospital take care of me, and do what they told me." He takes a deep breath "She said...that even if she wasn't always _with_ me. I was part of her now, and she would keep me safe. No matter what."

There is silence for a moment, and Maura squeezes Jane, feeling the detective's arms wrap around her too.

"Mama loves us," Levi says. "We's a part of her, and of Mom. They won't let nothing bad happen."

Jane pulls away from Maura, stepping into the bedroom. "Listen to your brother, Nugs," she says, "He's very, very smart," in the light from the hallway, Maura sees them all, Noah in Sofia's lap, fast asleep, Isabelle tucked against Noah, still a little teary, but they all light up when they see their parents.

"Mommy!"

"Ma!"

Jane is kicking off her shoes. "Scoot," she says, and Levi shifts over, allowing Jane to duck under and stretch out. She curls a finger at Maura, who smiles and follows, lifting Noah onto her chest.

After much shuffling and grunting, they make a sort of family sandwich, Jane, Levi, Isabelle, Sofia, Noah, and Maura, her back pressed firmly against the wall. Isabelle's eyes immediately start to drop closed, and after a moment, all of their children are breathing deep and even. Jane looks at Maura over Levi's head, tucked under her chin. Maura smiles and reaches out for Jane's hand.

Their fingers intertwine in the middle of the bed, over the heads of four very tired children.

"I love you, Maura."

Maura squeezes Jane's fingers and closes her eyes, smiling as Noah wiggles against her. They are all going to wake up sore, even the children. And someone's wayward hand or foot is going to cause a bruise and a fight.

But at the moment, she couldn't care less.

* * *

**So there it is. Hope this answered most of your questions, and wasn't too hard to follow. I was trying a single space format for a minute but some of you said it was hard to read, so I reverted. **

**There are so many new handles of commentors I haven't seen before Francesca, Devil Child Vorn, Ejdj, chawkchic (actually, I think I've thanked you before?), .x3, thefabdonna, Billyryan, tearless soul,JAMiiiaaa, tatianavs, alex1966. Thank you guys! I'm so glad you enjoyed. **

**To the guest who requested that I not have Leah come into the house...I knoowwww. When I read that review I was like...oh...welldamn. LOL. Hope it worked out for you. Francesca! Thank you so much for your wonderful comment. Your email won't come through unless you space it out...stupid FF. BNH, your comments are making my life. seriously. AE, heatwave, Jobee, davis, Jessica, nikki, julez, Anon (although, sometimes I think you hate me :)), kryptochik, thatisneverthat, everythingshazy, Ireallyneedalife.**

I'm sorry for my minihiatus. This chapter took a second (5,000 words. phew) and then I was down for a while with some drama. But I'm back, and lets keep going, shall we? 14 more chapters...or so. Sometimes I just want to extend indefinitely

love you all. Your comments are like my food. 

**happy reading. **

**tc**


	37. Chapter 37

"Jane?"

"Shhh, keep sleeping."

"It's the middle of the night," Maura feels her arms being fed into a sweatshirt. "What are you doing?

"It's cold out, put this on."

"Why? What are you doing?"

She feels, rather than sees, Jane roll her eyes in the darkness of the room. "Can't you just enjoy the mystery?"

Maura lets Jane pull her out of bed and to her feet. "I'm so tired, sweetheart," She mumbles, "whatever this is, I don't think I can tonight. The Deacon case is still open. One of my little underlings lost all the folders. I love you, I do. And you are endlessly arousing and sexy, but can we just-"

Jane makes a sound somewhere between a chuckle and a grunt of impatience. She bends down and picks Maura up like a baby. "God, you're as bad as Isabelle, you know that?" She leans back over the bed, "No, Dr. Dirty Mind, it is not what you're thinking, now will you please fire up a synapse long enough to grab a blanket? You can sleep in the car."

"In the carrr?" Maura whines, reaching lazily down for the quilt. "Where are we going? Who's going to stay and watch our children? Jane? We are not in our twenties anymore."

"Oh, my God, Maur," Jane's voice is slipping towards real annoyance now, "The kids are in the car. All of them. They were cake compared to you, and they've probably all died of carbon monoxide poisoning by now. Jesus. Now wrap up. It's cold in the garage." Jane spins her a little heading towards the door. "And we're not even in our mid thirties anymore, Maur. face it."

"I am," Maura grumbles, "until three o clock this after noon, I'm in my mid thirties," but she does as she's told, snuggling against Jane as the detective navigates them down the stairs. They head through the kitchen where a tall familiar figure is sitting at the dining room table.

"Lock up behind me, little bro, will you?" Jane whispers, and Maura sees Tommy nod.

"Thanks for letting me and Lydia house sit," Tommy stage whispers back, "We keep trying to decide if we want to live together, but it's hard with her living with her Ma and me..."  
"Living like a pig," Jane finishes for him, "Yeah, I get it." She swings around to take one last look at the house, and Maura can read the clock on the microwave, 1:25am.

"Jane," she says sleepily, "what-"

"Shush," Jane says firmly, and Tommy chuckles.

"Listen, don't kill the plants or the animals. Don't set anything on fire. No sex in my _bed_, Thomas, understand?" She pauses, and Tommy must nod, because Jane' toes the door to the garage open, "Okay. Other than that, have a blast."

"Bye Jane," he says, and then whispering, "Bye Maur."

"What?" Maura says. But both siblings just laugh.

...

Jane deposits Maura in the front seat of their car, and as she goes around to get in the drivers seat, Maura turns to take in her children, all fast asleep in the back. Noah's head is slumped forward against his chest, and Levi sleeps next to him, head against the window. The next row back, Isabelle and Sofia lie draped over each other, holding hands.

Jane slides into the driver's seat and turns the ignition. Nobody so much as stirs. Maura feels a weird thrill of excitement. "Jane, what are we doing? Why does Tommy need to house sit? Is it for my birthday?"

Jane smiles over at her, one of her dazzling signature grins that Maura has not seen in months. She feels herself flush.

"Go to sleep, beautiful," Jane says. "It's the middle of the night."

They pull out into the deserted street, and Maura snuggles down under the blanket, closing her eyes. Jane turns the radio on low, and cranks the heat. They drive for a while in silence, and Maura can feel when they get on the highway. She frowns slightly, wondering for the hundredth time what is going on.

Jane changes the radio station, finally settling on a song she likes. Maura barely keeps herself from rolling her eyes as her wife begins to sing along quietly.

_I know I can't help myself. You're all in the world to me...bah bah...it feels like the first time...It feels like the very first time..._

She reaches over and smooths Maura's hair away from her face, finger lingering at the curve of her ear. Maura smiles without opening her eyes.

"You're not sleeping. Don't you trust me, Doctor?" Jane whispers.

Maura leans into the touch, "I am not used to such a prolonged period of ignorance," She murmurs.

"Well, now you know how the other half live," Jane teases, but her voice is soft, and her fingers are back, pressing lightly on the sensitive spot behind at the base of her neck.

"Ohhh. Not fair, detective. I taught you that move," Maura sighs.

"Try to sleep, Maura," Jane says, "You can't be sleepy when we get there."

Maura nods, and works on focusing on nothing but the gentle hum of the engine, and her wife's sweet voice, the last thing she remembers before falling asleep.

_And I know it must be the woman in you, that brings out the man in me. I know I can't help myself. You're all that my eyes can see..._

* * *

...

_"When is your birthday party going to be?" _

_Maura pulls back, and looks down at Jane who looks back up at her with big brown eyes. _

_"My what?" _

_Jane smiles, "Your birthday party. Sweet Sixteen?"  
Maura traces her hand around the curve of Jane's collarbone. "I don't know. I haven't had a party in a long time." She gasps a little as Jane's hands pull her hips closer. _

_"Because you were moving around everywhere?" _

_Maura nods. She still has not gotten used to this odd combination of sexuality and deep conversation. When she's seen pillow talk in the movies, or imagined it in her head, she's always thought that it was a time for whispering sweet nothings. Saying endlessly beautiful and vacuous things while your lover made you groan in between. _

_But with Jane, Maura finds they have the deepest and hardest conversations when they are half dressed. When Jane is coming down off an orgasm or building up to one, and her eyes are full of this wide, open, vulnerability and trust. _

_That's when Maura wants to tell her everything, and often she does, her deepest secrets coming out between kisses and gasps. _

_She blushes. _

_"What are you thinking about?" Jane's voice breaks through her thoughts, and Maura smiles, leaning down to kiss her. "I just thought of us as lovers. In my head." _

_There. That's the kind of honesty she means. "Stupid, right?" _

_Jane pushes Maura away so that she can look at her, "You are anything but stupid, Maur," She rolls her hips and Maura sighs. Jane smiles. "I like that I can make you do that." _

_Maura blushes, "I like that you do it." She bends down again, resting her full weight on Jane so that they are flush against each other, with her head tucked against Jane's shoulder._

_"Maura," _

_"mm," _

_"I don't...I don't know if I'm going to be ready." _

_Maura props herself up on one elbow. "Ready for what?" _

_"Like. On your birthday. I wanted to..." But Jane blushes furiously, waving one of her hands as if it is a magic want that will produce the words for her, "I wanted you and me to..." _

_Maura's eyes widen, "oh...OH!" _

_"Yeah." _

_"Oh." _

_"But I don't know if...I mean. You are...but I just...I feel like..." _

_But Maura silences Jane with her lips. "Shut up, Jane. I want to be with you. I'm going to be with you for a very long time," Jane smiles, wrapping her arms around Maura's waist._

_"Yeah?"  
"Yeah. And I want to do this with you." _

_Jane reaches up to pull Maura down to her, placing kisses all over her jaw and neck, making her lightheaded. _

_"I want to make it special for you," Jane whispers, "I want you to know how much I love you." _

_Maura still can't help but catch her breath when Jane says things like that. It doesn't seem possible that she could be saying them to her. _

_Jane bites gently at Maura's ear, and she yelps. Jane pulls her closer. _

_"If you could invite anyone to your party. Anyone in the whole world...who would you want to come?" _

_"You."  
Jane giggles, "Besides me, Maur. Anyone..." _

_Maura rests her forehead on Jane's, thinking. _

_..._

* * *

...

"I wanna listen to Tingalayo!" Maura starts awake to her eldest daughter's voice.

"You had last pick. It's my pick now, MAMA!" Isabelle. shrill. Maura smiles, but does not open her eyes just yet.

"Sofia Emilie it is your sister's pick, you give her the CD case right now. Levi if you kick the back of my seat one more time I am going to sell you as a farm hand to the next fruit seller we see."

Maura giggles.

"Oh, perfect," Levi says in an exaggerated voice, "You woke Mom. Way to go Ma!"

Maura opens her eyes and stretches, looking out the window. Although she can tell that they are not in Boston anymore, that is about as far as she gets. They are still on the highway, flying past little neighborhoods and large expanses of fields.

"Good Morning, lovely," Jane says, and she points to the cup holder on Maura's side. "We stopped like twenty minutes ago for a diaper change and a donut, and I got you some coffee. I don't know how warm it is, but..."  
"Where are we?" Maura says, cutting across Jane without thinking.

Jane rolls her eyes, but smiles good-naturedly. "We are about thirty five minutes outside of Fredericksburg."

Maura's eyes widen, "Fredericksburg..._Virginia?_"

Jane laughs. "How many other Fredericksburgs are there?"

"Seven," Maura says without blinking, "But the only other one we could have made it to this quickly is Pennsylvania, and..." She points at the digital compass on the dashboard which is sporting a bright blue SW. "We're going the wrong way."

Jane shakes her head, "You should have been the detective," she grumbles. "Yes, party pooper, we are going to Virginia."

"BEETS!" Noah calls from his car seat, and Jane's eyes flick to the rearview mirror and back down to the road, excited.

Maura looks at her questioningly, and Jane smiles slyly. "if you can't decipher what baby boy is trying to spoil, I'm not going to help you," she laughs.

"Beets! Beets!" he says flapping his hands. Sofia and Levi laugh.

"Pretty Minis," she says turning to the girls, "tell your mommy where we are going?"

"NO!" they reply in unison.

"Sweet little boy, love of my life?" she tries.  
Levi cocks an eyebrow, looking so much like Jane that Maura doesn't even push.

She sinks back in her seat, trying to look grumpy. "You are all the worst," she says, but she reaches over and takes Jane's hand in her own, kissing it. "How did I get such a family?"

Jane glances in the rearview mirror again.

"Ah, troops," she calls and four sets of eyes look up, "Isn't there something you want to say to Mommy?"

They yell, and Jane nearly crashes the car.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!"

"Hooray!" Isabelle adds, throwing her hands up, "Now you are old, like Mama. Now you can be old together and not lonely."

Jane laughs, deep and raspy in her chest and Maura feels her stomach flutter. "Well, thank God," she murmurs, squeezing Maura's hand. "Thirty eight was getting pretty lonely without you."

"Beets." Noah says, looking out the window. "Beets now, Mama?"

"I gotta pee!" Isabelle says urgently.

Jane sighs heavily. "At this rate, Noah? Beets never," she says and she puts on her blinker to take the next exit.

* * *

...

The beach.

Virginia beach.

"Beets!" Noah cries, pointing out his side of the car, and Maura looks out her window to see the sliver of sand and the bright blue ocean.

"We're going to the beach, Jane?" Maura turns to look at the detective, who looks so pleased with herself that she could burst.

She turns left suddenly, down a side road and then again down a smaller one, until a hotel swims into view in front of them. She slides the car into park and leans back, rubbing her eyes. But when she looks at Maura, her face is shining.

"Yeah, Maur," she says quietly as their children hoot and holler in the back of the car. "we're going to the beach."

She's packed everything for them. clothes and towels and swimsuits. Maura is not allowed to carry any of the bags, and as the kids zoom through the automatic doors, rolling bags in tow, a familiar figure stands up from a chair in the lobby, waving.

"Nona!" Isabelle cries, speeding over to her, "You beat us!"

Angela embraces all of her grandchildren as they run to greet her.  
"Attenzione*!" Jane says, as Sofia's running hug nearly knocks Angela off her feet. But Angela laughs cupping Levi's cheek. "Sto bene! Stop worrying!"

Jane moves forward and kisses her mother, letting Noah lean forward from her arms and kiss her as well.

"Ciao bella!" He says, and Angela bursts into laughter.

"Who on earth taught him that?"

"Me!" Isabelle says. "Lee _and_ Noah are going to learn all the languages, like Mommy."

Maura chuckles, leaning forward to kiss Angela too. "Happy birthday, darling," Angela says.

"Thank you."

"You checked us in, Ma?"

"Yes, here," Angela hands her two keys, and Jane smiles at Maura's curious look.

But before she can speak, the older woman pulls back, clapping her hands. "Okay, who's ready to see their beautiful hotel room?"

Jane laughs, handing Noah over as the other three wave their hands in the air. "Alrighty then. Kiss your mommies good-bye, tell them you love them and you'll see them at dinner."

"What?" Maura says, taken aback. But she bends to embrace her children as they obediently hug her good-bye.

"Mommy. We've got to practice...Don't miss us too hard."  
"Shh, Fee," Levi says, wrapping his arms around Maura, "Don't ruin it." He grins up at her. "te amo," he says falteringly, and she kisses his head.

"I love you too."

She watches her children scamper off with Angela, all of them talking a mile a minute. Jane takes her hand.

"Dr. Isles. Are you ready to see _your_ room? It's not super super fancy, but it's got a king size bed and a view of the ocean." Jane looks at her watch, "We have enough time before dinner. We could definitely go see if that mattress is up to par."

Maura laughs. She is quite overwhelmed. "Jane, you've been driving for eleven plus hours. You're going to hit that mattress and conk right out."

Jane grins, "try me," she growls, reaching for her hand.

Maura smiles, watching as Jane lifts their bag to her shoulder. "mm, challenge accepted. Lead the way, detective."

...

Maura showers for dinner, and when she gets out of the shower she finds a new dress hanging over the back of the door.

"Jane!" She exclaims as she takes it down, "This dress is a Vivier."

There is a pause, and then Jane's voice floats to her through the doorway, "Yeah...I know, Maur."

Maura stares at the light pink silk in her hands, "It must have cost five thousand dollars at least."

"Well, you're thirty eight now, Maura. I trust you not to spill your wine."

"Jane this isn't funny!"

"I'm not laughing Maura, come on, we're going to be late."

"Jay-"  
"Maura...I didn't get it for you so that you could show it off to the toilet. Come _on!"_

Maura huffs, but dresses, and when she comes out of the bathroom, pulling on a heel, she nearly trips.

Jane is dressed in black dress pants and a white blouse that plunges in a V all the way down to her waistband. Her hair is up, and she's wearing dangly earrings, the same color as Maura's dress. Her heels are the same light shade too.

She's holding one white rose, and she beams when she sees Maura.

"You're gorgeous, Maura." She says moving forward. "You're amazing."

Maura opens her mouth and then shuts it again, her eyes wandering over the liberal amount of skin open to her viewing pleasure.

Jane chuckles, "shall we?"

"We can't stay here," Maura manages, "Not if you want to stay in that outfit." She takes her wife's arm and lets her lead her from the room.

"Where are we going Jane?" She can't help herself.

Jane sucks her teeth, letting the door click behind them.

"Oh, my _God_, Maur."

* * *

...

The boat is lit up against the rapidly falling dusk, and as Jane leads her up the gang plank, Maura sees a banner hanging over the entrance. **Happy Birthday Maura Isles.**

"Jane," Maura says, her eyes getting big, "This is far, far too much."

Jane smiles and helps her over the lip of the doorway, "shush. I had help."

"It's too much for you and your mother and Frankie and Tommy and Frost even," she says, as Jane leads her into a banquet room. It has a dance floor, and one long table, white and silver balloons attached to one of the chairs.

"You don't like it?"

"I love it. It's spectacular. You are..." Maura shakes her head, "But this is much too much. I'm just turning thirty eight."

Jane stops leading her over to the table that is set for eight, and pulls her into her arms.

"I love you."

Maura looks up at Jane, "I love you too. But-"

"This past winter has been hell, Maura," Jane cuts across her, and Maura falls silent. "It's been absolute hell. And sometimes I felt like I was drowning and that I would never be able to see light ever again."  
Maura rubs up and down Jane's back. "It's been hard. You've been struggling."

"We've been struggling," Jane says. "When I struggle, you struggle, Maura. Don't think I don't know that."

Maura shakes her head. "I've been-"  
"Stressed and tired and overworked. We went back to work so soon after Leah. We got slammed." Jane tightens her grip on Maura's waist, "Let me do this for you."

Maura sighs her way into a smile, "What did I do to deserve you?"

Jane chuckles, but sobers quickly. "Maur, remember your birthday that we spent together?"

Maura frowns. She doesn't like to think about it. It was so close to their fight and her departure to Switzerland.

"Yes."

"Remember I asked you who you wanted at you party? If you could have anyone?"

"Ummm...vaguely."

"Think. Do you remember what you said?"

Maura leans her forehead against Jane's, trying to remember.

...

_Jane bites gently at Maura's ear, and she yelps. Jane pulls her closer. _

_"If you could invite anyone to your party. Anyone in the whole world...who would you want to come?" _

_"You."  
Jane giggles, "Besides me, Maur. Anyone..." _

_Maura rests her forehead on Jane's, thinking. _

_"I would want my mother to come. Yes. My mother. She hasn't been to one of my birthdays in...five years now." _

_Maura opens her eyes to see Jane looking back at her, surprised and sad and...angry?_

_"It's okay," she says quickly, "She's very busy and I don't expect that..." _

_But Jane pulls her down again, kissing her hard. _

_"I'm going to make it happen for you," Jane whispers. "It's not okay. And you should expect." _

...

Maura opens her eyes and looks up at Jane who is smiling down at her.  
"She's in Rome."

Jane's focus shifts to something behind her and Maura turns, hand to her mouth.

"She is not," Constance says, ushering the three eldest Rizzoli-Isles children through the door. "She most definitely is not."

Jane squeezes Maura's waist. "A little late," she whispers, "but it happened." and Maura rushes forward to hug her mother.

Angela comes through the doorway last, holding Noah who is trying to chew on the corner of his blue bow tie. She puts her hand on Jane's shoulder as they watch Maura cry against Constance.

"How long has it been since she was at one of Maura's birthdays?" Angela asks quietly.

Jane smiles, bending down two pick up Isabelle who is pulling on her pant leg.

"Twenty eight years."

"Mama?"

"Yes, golden girl."

"Now is it a party?"

Jane laughs as Maura pulls away from her mother so that Constance can hug Levi and Sofia. "Yes," Jane says. "Now. It's a party."

* * *

***be careful!**

**Maura's party pt. I YAY! fluff. at long last. I know y'all were waiting for it. And we deserve it right? and it feels better because we've come through the storm...right guys? right? lol. **

**Sarcastic Jane and factual Maura are my favorite to write. even if it does mean extra google time. **

**Saz, fireyblue, heatwave, ravenstrinity, cstar, Fallen Austin, marissa, fergz, noblegraces, mrj, thatisneverthat, lisahomeandaway, kayla, nikki, devil child, lovereading, bookiewookie, lauren, sandy, JMpack, peanut, maygan, julez, tvcrazed, thefabdonna, lovely, laterthatsameday. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I'm glad that the wrap up (sure. we'll call it that right now) with Leah was satisfactory-ish. I wanted to both absolve Jane of some of her guilt, but also draw attention to what happens to grief left unchecked. I dont know. Jane never could have killed her. That would have ruined her. I was also unaware how many of you still hate Leah for cheating. lol...they were young...sorta. I dunno. anyway. **

**Jobee, YOURE BRILLIANT. god. so nice, your reviews. Davis. Let's be internet besties! although I may have ruined it with the foreigner reference that just happened... BNH. sometimes I read you comments, and I'm like...I did what? and then I go back and read and am like...welldamn. so thank for seeing things I don't even the first time out. You're making my writing better and fuller and more intricate. Charactersthatholdmyheart, ACK. YOU HOLD MY HEART. gosh.**

**You guys all hold my heart. No lie. I knowwww I'm not supposed to swear at you, b/c you might misconstrue it as anger or hostility, but literally when I read these comments, I'm just like EFF YOU THAT'S SO NICE. *sigh* **

**Okay. Birthday pt II. enough of my rambling. Let's get to it. **


	38. Chapter 38

_Oh we ain't got a barrel of money.  
Maybe we're ragged and funny,_

_But we'll travel along...Singing our song. _

_Side by side. _

"Where did they get those top hats?" Maura whispers, leaning towards Jane.  
Jane smiles, her fingers running up Maura's shoulder. "Costumer downtown. Aren't they hilarious?"

"Noah's has a yellow sash."  
"He insisted."

_Through all kinds of weather. What if the sky should fall. _

_Just as long as we're together, it doesn't matter at all. _

"How long did you practice with them?" Maura's voice has tears in it. Jane squeezes Maura's shoulder, leaning forward to kiss her ear. "You know...It was harder than teaching the girls Mambo #5. Levi is all left feet."

Maura sniffs, and Jane smiles. "Hold it together."

"I'm trying...It's very difficult when they are all in unison like that."

Jane chuckles, "who are you telling,' she teases.

_We don't know what's coming tomorrow, _

_Maybe it's troubles and sorrow, _

_but we'll travel the road_

_sharing our load_

_Side by side. _

The instrumental part of the music starts up, and Levi takes off his hat, looking out at Maura and smiling.

"Mommy?" he says, and she could die at the sight of him in his little navy suit.

"Yes darling."  
"Do you like our song so far?"

Jane watches Maura put her hand over her heart, tapping it once as she struggles to find the words. "So much."

He smiles at her, and comes a little closer, his voice dropping down to a whisper. "Good. this part is the part Noah's in...we practiced it and practiced it but he's just a baby...you know."

Maura shakes her head, glancing to where the twins are giving Noah a last minute run through in the back ground. The instrumental is wrapping up now, heading into the end of the song, and Levi looks back at his siblings.

Maura looks at Jane who crosses her fingers.

_When they've all had their quarrels and parted..._The music is slowing, and Sofia gives Isabelle a fake push which makes her fall into Levi and the three tumble over comically. Only Noah stays upright. He looks at his fallin family with a grumpy little frown.

_We'll be the same as we started..._He helps Isabelle up first, and watches as she dusts herself off. When she looks at him, he points at Sofia, and Isabelle reaches out her hand, pulling her sister to her feet. They both turn to Levi.

_Just traveling along..._They pull him to his feet, and dust off his suit. He puts his arm around each of them, stepping in front of Noah, blocking him from view.  
Maura is leaning forward in her seat, and Jane watches her face rather than her children.

_Singing a song..._Between Levi's legs, pokes Noah's head. He looks up at them, mock angry. "Hey!" he says, and Levi unhooks himself from the twins to bend over and picks him up. The girls wrap their arms around Levi's waist, and the song finishes up like that, with their children arm in arm a semi circle of love.

_Side by side._

Maura is out of her chair before the music has faded away, clapping and laughing and crying, and Jane thinks she'll never see anything more beautiful in her life than watching her children swallow her up with their hugs.

"Did you get the song, Mommy?" Sofia, ever sensitive. "Did you understand?"  
"I think so, babygirl," Maura says, her voice still heavy with tears. "Explain it to me, just in case."

"Even if bad stuff happens," Isabelle starts.

"We's got each other and we'll make it through," Sofia finishes. Levi nods. Maura pulls a giggling Noah to her chest, kissing his head.

"I got it loud and clear then," she says, looking at Jane. "Loud and clear."

Jane feels like her heart might burst.

...

"You're gorgeous," Jane says for the fiftieth time that night.

"You've mentioned."

They are dancing together, and the music that's being played over the PA system is soft and slow, signaling the winding down of the night. Jane pulls Maura a little closer, loving the way she tucks her head under her chin. The way she seems to fit so perfectly in her arms.

"You're amazing." The words she wants to say to Maura have not been created yet, and she feels a little bit put out that she has to keep using these old and tired ones again and again.

Maura giggles like a teenager, and the sound sends shivers up the detective's spine.

"You've covered that a couple times tonight too," Maura whispers, and she shifts a little so that she can wrap her arms around Jane's waist. "What has happened to you tonight?" Sparkling green eyes look curiously up at her. "You're so...sappy tonight!" Maura tightens her grip as Jane pulls away, "No No! I love it, God, I love it," She puts her head back on Jane's shoulder, and Jane relaxes again. "It's just so different."

Jane sways them in a lazy circle, luxuriating in the feel of Maura close against her. Constance and Angela are sitting in the corner of the room, talking quietly, Noah asleep in Angela's lap. Levi and Sofia and Isabelle are asleep in their seats, slumped against each other.

"Have we changed?" Jane asks her wife, and Maura shrugs against her, kissing her shoulder.

"Of course we have. How could we not?"

"I mean...drastically." Jane tries to be more specific, but only ends up sounding more vague.

"Mmm," Maura says in an uncaring sort of tone, and Jane cannot tell if she is slurring because of the wine or because of how relaxed she seems to be. "yes," she says, "we have changed drastically."

"I still love you like I'm fifteen," Jane whispers in Maura's ear, and the tremor of excitement that runs through Maura's body makes Jane smile.

"Well..." Maura shifts her head so that her breath is against Jane's neck. "We changed, Jane, but our love didn't."  
"Didn't it?"

"No. It didn't. Not even while we were apart."

Jane nudges Maura's head with her own until she is back enough for a kiss. It starts off sweet and gentle, but moves towards hot and heavy pretty quickly, and Maura looks disappointed when Jane pulls away.

"Jane-" with a gasp and a frown.

"Our parents are here, Maura," Jane says, and Maura's eyes snap open wide, her mouth making a little o. She's completely forgotten.

"C'mon. Lets help them get the kids to their rooms and then I can show you what else I have planned for tonight."

Maura purrs, and the sound shoots straight through the brunette. "Oh yeah? You've planned the rest of the night?" Maura smiles as Jane pulls away and heads towards where their children are sleeping.

"A rough outline," She says, her voice dropping low and she licks her lips as she watches Maura's knees wobble a little. "Plenty of room for improvisation."

* * *

...

Jane does not waist any time. She wants Maura so badly that she thinks her heart might pound out of her chest. But when Maura leans forward to kiss the open expanse of skin at Jane's throat, the brunette pushes her back against the pillows, reaching to the side of her dress to the spot where she knows the zipper is.

"Jane let me-"  
"No," Jane says firmly, and she presses her lips to Maura's neck, where she can feel the woman's heartbeat speed up. "No way. Your birthday. Your pleasure." Maura shivers in anticipation.

Maura sighs as Jane pulls the zipper down, and slips the dress down her shoulders, and she groans quietly as Jane places kisses to her shoulders and her neck and her newly bared chest. These are the moments that Jane loves the best. The work up. Watching the faint pink glow work it's way up Maura's clavicle to her cheeks.

Jane bits her lip. It never ceases to amaze her But when Jane leans back, Maura opens her eyes and looks around, like she's looking for something.

"What," Jane says chuckling, "You were expecting a threesome?"

Maura rolls her eyes, "No. I was expecting your extra," she says, eyeing Jane like she might have it hidden on her. "I didn't see it when we unpacked."

Jane shakes her head. "I don't want to take you tonight Maur," she says quietly, and Maura reaches up to push her shirt off her shoulders.

"Oh no?"

Jane leans in and kisses Maura's neck, letting her hand wander up the inside of her thigh. "No," she whispers. "Not like that. Not tonight."

Maura catches her breath as one long finger starts to tease her. "I want to feel every single part of you tonight, Maura," and it's the way Jane says her name. Hasn't it always been?

She melts back into the bed sheets, and Jane follows her, pressing against her, making her moan softly.  
"Maur," Jane breaths, her fingers starting their rhythm. "Maura, open your eyes."

Underneath her, hazy green eyes drag open. "Jannee," she whispers, already almost desperate.

"Maur," Jane smiles, unable to resist stealing another kiss. "You don't have to be quiet tonight, honey," she whispers, and Maura's eyes widen as Jane curls a finger. "C'mon baby," she whispers. "_C'mon_."

And Maura trips into her first climax of the night, the moan that escapes her long, and deep and wonderful.

...

"Oh god oh god oh, oh Jane,"

Jane bites her lip, smiling against Maura's neck. Her bicep starts to burn a little but she keeps going. "Good, baby?"  
"Please don't stop. please don't-"

"I won't. Come on, honey, Let go, beautiful."

Maura's fingers contract on Jane's shoulder blade, her head rolling back and forth. Jane loves her wife every second of everyday, but nothing compares to feeling her come apart underneath her.

"With...me..." Maura pants arching her back, pressing up against the brunette. "Last...one..."

Jane smiles and nods, pressing her lips to Maura's picking up the pace, "Tell me when," she murmurs and her mouth roams across the doctor's jaw and up to her ear. "You're so fucking sexy," She growls, and Maura can only nod as she cries out, shuddering and jerking against Jane, who presses hard against her and follows immediately, her own moan low and deep, sending aftershocks through Maura long after she's stopped tensing.

Jane rolls against her, tucking herself in against Maura's side. "Maur. I love you so much," Jane says, her hands in Maura's hair, massaging.

Maura is already half asleep. "Best," she manages quietly, "Jane...Love."

Jane chuckles. "Happy Birthday, beautiful," Jane whispers.

Maura is asleep almost immediately.

* * *

...

Jane watches the doctor chase after Levi and Isabelle down by the water. A little bit further away, Angela and Sofia are building a sandcastle. The water is still too cold for outright swimming, but none of the four children have never been this close to the ocean before, and they delight in running in up to their knees, squealing and running away again.

Jane leans back in the lounge chair and closes her eyes. She is sitting next to Constance, who has Noah on her lap, and is reading him a book called "Where is my Hat"

Jane closes her eyes as she listens to Constance's steady voice. It's rather soothing.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Isabelle cries, and she shrieks as Maura grabs her around the waist, lifting her.

Jane's eyes fly open and she sits up, looking around for Isabelle, relaxing when she realizes that the cries are happy ones. Constance stops reading and looks at her.

"It's alright," she says, sounding a little surprised. "They're fine. They're right there."  
Jane nods, trying to relax. She smiles as Levi and Maura get into a splash fight. Constance is still looking at her as though she's never seen her before.

Jane runs a hand through her hair. "Sorry," she says, rolling her shoulders, trying to calm back down.

Constance nods, looking a little concerned. "It's alright...Maura says you've been..."

"A basket case?" Jane smiles weakly. "Yeah. It's something about them yelling. The other day they were playing hide and seek. Having a great time. Sofia shrieks when Levi finds her...I feel like I can't breathe for twenty five minutes."

Constance chuckles, and Jane looks at her. "It's gotten better...just...time I suppose." Jane sighs.

"Mama! Look!" Sofia calls and Constance and Jane turn their attention to the sand castle taking shape a couple feet away.  
"That is beautiful, nugget," Jane says, shielding her eyes against the sun. "You feel burny?"

Sofia rolls her eyes, "_No_ Ma," she says.

Jane lifts the bottle sitting next to her in the sand, "I've got it right here..."

"I'm _fine_, Ma. _Gosh." _

Angela is laughing so hard that she can barely stay sitting up. "Oh. Oh, whoever said 'I hope you have a child just like you' was not lying. It is the best gift a grandmother can get."

Jane glares, before giving in and laughing.

"Fine, Fia. When you peel, I'm not going to help you sluff of the dead skin."

Sofia shrugs, "Izzy will help." she says matter-of-factly, and Constance chuckles at this as well.

"You know I took Maura swimming once of the coast of Spain," Constance says, "I was so concerned she would burn that I set an egg timer. Rubbed her down every three minutes."

Jane and Angela laugh at this, and for the first time in...ever, Jane looks at Constance and doesn't feel something tight and hard and fearful in her chest.

"I'm really glad you came," Jane says quietly, and Constance reaches over to pat her on the knee.

"You write a very convincing letter, Detective," Constance says, smiling, "You always have."

Jane chuckles, "Signed it a little less formally this time, if I recall."

Constance nods, but seems a little overwhelmed by emotion. Jane had signed the letter, with her name, and then in parenthesis, 'your eldest child.'

Jane, while finally comfortable around her mother in law, does not know quite what to do with this show of feeling, and is glad when Levi bounds up the beach towards them, dripping wet, looking for a towel.

Maura and Isabelle follow close behind and they flop down on a towel together. Maura reaches for Jane's hand, and their fingers interlace lazily.

"Mommy, can we live here. At the beach?" Isabelle in particular is enthralled with the water.

"Don't you think you'd get tired of it?"

Isabelle opens her eyes, and Jane notices that as she gets older, they are getting darker, like her mother's. "No. Never. we could send Bass out in a small boat."

"haha! Captain Bass!" Levi giggles.

Maura smiles, "I don't know that Bass would enjoy that."

Isabelle thinks for a minute, and then lies back down, throwing an arm around her mother's middle.

"No problem. Jo Friday, then."

* * *

...

The drive back to Boston at the end of the weekend takes thirteen long hours. Almost three hours longer than the drive down because everyone is awake. Levi and Isabelle spend the entire car ride fighting or asking to stop so that one of them can pee.

Sofia is cranky from her sunburn, and Noah is just plain cranky.

Jane and Maura rotate every couple of hours, driving or wrangling, and it is hard to say which one Jane hates more, fighting with semi trucks for lane space, or spending three hours half turned in the passenger seat trying to keep Levi from throwing french fries at Isabelle.

"Don't touch me."

"I'm not touching you."  
"You're thinking about it."

"You're not the boss of my minnnddd"

Jane buries her head in her hands. "Oh my God."

Maura chuckles. "So...my birthday is over?"

...

but they all fall asleep about an hour from home, and when Jane pulls into the driveway and turns of the engine, only Levi stirs sleepily.

"I'm gonna go get Tommy. He can carry one of the twins," Jane whispers, and she gets out of the car quietly and disappears into the house.

"Mom?"  
Maura turns to see Levi looking at her through hooded eyelids. "Hey, little man. You happy to be home?"

He nods, "You had a good party?"

"The best," She says, "It was fantastic."

"Good," he says, and his eyes start to close again, even though he tries to fight it.

"Go to sleep," She says. "Uncle Tommy will carry you, honey. It's alright. I love you so much."

Levi's head falls back against the seat of the car, but he cracks an eye to look at her.

"Double it, Mom," he says quietly.

"What?"

Levi almost smiles, and his eyes really do close now. "You love me...I love you. I love you...I love you two. Double it, Mom."

Maura closes her eyes momentarily.

That is, far and away, the best birthday present she has ever gotten.

* * *

**Aw. birthday part II. hope these chapters have been fluffy enough for you. I even wrote you some smut...sort of...**

**Thank you guys so much for your comments and your feedback and...ugh. your love in general. You'll see I got a new little two shot (soon to be more shot) up over there...nothing to do with any of this. totally different...kind of sadish(saddish? rhymes with radish?) but you should check it out.**

TVcrazed, JMpack Islandlover, lovely, socks lost, fergz, jobee. ximebeach. thank you guys so much. You're right. they've all done SO much growing. What I love about them is that there's more. I love that they aren't perfect and that they don't try to be...I might be speaking about them like they are autonomous...and at this point? after 90+ chapters of development...they kind of are. lol. 

**Horses in the city, laterthatsameday, Rjjmn, Lauren, julez, kayla, nikki (thats the way I feel when you review!) thank you so much. To the guest who wrote that reviews are like a drop in the ocean...I sort of get what you're saying...but I also sort of...feel like I know all of you. and I look forward to writing this stupid A/N almost as much as the story. Like. BNH says (or my internet bestie davislp, who has made me cry THRICE today with her amazing reviews) this stuff isn't really fun or as fulfilling without you guys. I love hearing what you have to say about all of this. ALL of it. I even love the reviewer who called me a bitch. Because my story made her SO EMOTIONAL...yes it was negative, and yes I also felt a little bad...but...it's when you read something and go...meh. that would really make me sad face. you know? I would rather you RAGE, than feel indifferent. So no. not a drop in the ocean. An individual review from you. From all of you that I feel like I know and would lend sugar to if you knocked and said please... I read each one, and I know you all (if only by your handles.) and I would send each one of you a scented car hanger...if that wasn't creepy as all. **

**love you guys. **

**See you tomorrow. **

**happy reading.**

**tc. **


	39. Chapter 39

The days do not slow down. They get warmer, and longer, and busier, and the little family barrels into early summer at full speed.

Levi wants to play football, much to Maura's horror and Jane's delight. The detective and the little boy spend hours down in the park, running plays and throwing the football back and forth.

Sofia usually tags along on these trips, not so much to play sports, but so she can collect interesting things and bring them back to her room to study and tape into her journal.

The girls opt for soccer, although Jane has an idea that this is really more Isabelle strong arming Sofia into her choice. Sofia is not uncoordinated, and she's not bad at soccer, but she has an observant and almost hesitant nature that makes her much better at strategy than action. She notices everything.

Isabelle is fast, coordinated, and brilliant, which makes her dominant on the soccer field, even at this young age.

Jane tries to get them to choose separate hobbies, pointing out that they don't have to do everything together, but they look up at her like she has two extra heads.

"Mama, Sofia is me," Isabelle says, looking more concerned that her mother doesn't realize this than anything else. "I am Sofia. We are for each other."

Jane worries, but Maura says it is natural, and that when school starts in the fall, they will separate naturally.

Noah is almost completely dry by Mid-May, his potty training aided by all three of his siblings, who use a special brand of peer pressure and positive reinforcement. Levi lets Noah pick out a pair of his underwear after his first successfully dry night, and Noah wears the pair around the house, pulled over his head and down around his torso like an odd-fitting vest, strutting and proud.

"You can't sleep in my bunk, not if you are going to pee," Isabelle says firmly. "You wake up and you tell Ma you have to. Don't go in your pants, no more…you…you _boy_."  
Noah nods seriously, and something she says must resonate, because thirty minutes later Noah is pulling on Jane's pant leg.

"Potty. Now, mama."

Jane chuckles, "Maybe Isabelle should go into motivational speaking," she says, lifting Noah into her arms.

.

May feels like one long obstacle course that they just have to get through. They get three cases back to back to back, and Maura falls into bed every night seeing Y incisions.

Jane falls asleep standing up in the shower. ("It's just so relaxing. No one is murdered and no one needs juice")

Maura is right, Jane thinks one afternoon, as they meet in the parking lot of a Cumberland Farms to transfer the children, Maura on her way home and Jane heading back to the precinct after picking the kids up. They are the best team. Everywhere.

"School says that there's a Parent's Night next week. I said yes tentatively, but if we're up on rotation again, who knows."

"hoo? No? Hoo-no?" Noah hoots as Maura reaches into unbuckle him.

"hoohoo? Nono!" Sofia giggles.

"I got chicken and broccoli, but I forgot potatoes," Maura says, holding Isabelle's hand as she jumps from the cruiser. "Can you grab them? And milk?"

"hoohah!" Noah chirps. "Hoohee!"

"Hoodah! Hoo me?" Isabelle parrots.

Jane rolls her eyes and reaches back into the car for Sofia, "Yeah, fine I have to swing by CVS to get dog shampoo anyway. Did you know Jo Friday can catch rodents?"

"Hoo? We?" Sofia calls.  
"knock it off," Jane says, boosting her up into Maura's SUV. "C'mon Lee, let's go, buddy."

"Hoodathunkit," he calls dashing from Jane's car to Maura's "hoodah hoodah thunkit."

Jane rolls her eyes, shutting the door behind him. "Have fun with that," she says, pulling Maura to her for a quick kiss.

"Potatoes and milk, Jane, don't forget…Jo Friday caught a mouse?"

"Potatoes and milk. I love you…It looks more like a rat."

"Lovely. Double it. Bed time?"

Jane thinks that the code spies use has nothing on the code of mother's. She nods "mmm, yes…I should be. I'll text."

"Good. Potatoes and milk," Maura has one foot in the car.

"Potatoes and milk," one wrap on the SUV window so that four little heads turn to look at the detective. "Be good for mommy," she calls through the class.

"HOO!" they chorus back.

Jane chuckles as she turns to her car.

...

They go and go and go. It is a rare moment when Maura can just sit down with Jane and take a breath.

"When do you think Levi will want his own room?" Jane asks, collapsing onto the sofa next to Maura.

"I think when he starts to hit puberty. He'll want privacy to text girls and master-"  
"Maura, do not finish that." Jane's hands push at her.  
Maura looks at her innocently, "What? Young boys masterbate an average of four to seven times a week, Jane. And that number only grows as they get older."  
"Oh, Maura," Jane holds her stomach, "I'm going to vomit. He's our little boy…don't talk about him like he's a study." She does look a little green. "Ugh. I'm going to duct tape his arms to his body," she says, and Maura chuckles. "No. I'm going to force Noah to sleep in there until they are twenty."

Maura sighs, leaning against her wife as Jane flicks the TV on.

"History."

"ESPN."

"Sox lost four to seven."

Jane squawks, but pulls Maura closer, kissing her temple, "You're evil."

Maura wiggles until she is comfortable, her back against Jane's front, "Yes. History Channel, please."

"National Geographic."

"Deal."

...

* * *

Maura makes a disgruntled sound, turning away. "I don't see why this is such a big deal, Jane."  
It is their day off, Five hours before Parent's night at Levi's school, and Maura can tell that they are about to have a fight.

She'd meant to tell Jane about the applications she'd sent off to Chestnut Academy for the twins, but it'd slipped her mind completely. Today's mail had brought the good news that the Academy was accepting the initial application, and now wanted to set up a date to meet Sofia and Isabelle.

Maura and Jane square off in the kitchen, and Maura puts her hands on her hips. "We didn't pick Levi's school… and he can change too, if he wants."

Jane scoffs. "You and I both know that the waiting list for the third grade is so long that you might as well wait for pigs to fly." She scoffs as Maura throws her a surprised look. "I can read pamphlets too, Maur. We can't tell them they are a family and then send them to different schools."

"Studies show that children who are given more personal, individual attention in their formative years are better equipped to-"

But Jane is nodding vigorously, "That's what I'm _saying_, Maura. We can't send the twins, and maybe Noah, to this place, and then turn to Levi and go, 'sorry buddy, you missed the boat. You're parents got shot a couple years too late."

"_Jane!" _Maura looks scandalized.

"What? That's the message we're giving him. You have to go to a second rate school because you're too old and behind to get into this other one."

"He's not terribly behind," Maura says, although this is stretching the truth. Both women have been working with Levi, trying to get him caught up so that he can move up to the third grade next year, but Summer School is already looking like unavoidable.  
"He missed two and a half months, and he lost his parents" Jane says. "The kid is as smart as you are, Maur, but he's behind."

Maura sighs. It is often difficult for her to argue with Jane because of the emotions it pulls on. While she's stopped believing that they have to agree on everything in order to stay together, she genuinely hates seeing Jane upset.

But she also hates to lose.

"It's not fair to the girls that we not try and give them every advantage that we can."

"It's not fair that you favor them."

Maura's eyes flash, "Don't you _dare_ tell me I'm favoring them, Jane Rizzoli," and her voice is dangerous enough that Jane has the decency to look a little guilty.

She takes a breath. "Okay," she says, "okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that…I just…" She leans up against the counter, "I want them to go to Chestnut just as much as you do…honestly" She says, because Maura makes a disbelieving face. "But we tell them every day that our family doesn't leave anyone behind. They _sleep _next to each other when they have bad dreams. Levi waited twenty minutes at the top of the jungle gym last week, until Sofia got up there. This is goes directly against everything we've taught them, Maur." She looks up at her wife, trying to convey some of her feelings with her face.

Maura has not considered this fact, but it does not do enough to dampen her desire for her children to get the best education that money can buy.

"They haven't even gotten in yet, Jane. The school's just accepted their applications and wants to meet them." She moves hesitantly towards her wife, holding out her hands.

After a second, Jane relents, stepping into her arms and sighing. "That's the other thing. There's like thirty levels of applications. It's not college Maura, It's first grade. They're going to be first graders."

"They're smart, they have great personalities-"

"we're full pay…" Jane adds, not managing to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

Maura pulls away, firing up again, "Jane," her voice is full of warning.

"What? You're telling me that they would look at our kids the same if it was just _my_ salary that they were taking into account?"  
"I'd like to think they would, yes."

"Then you really are the dumbest genius I know," Jane replies and this time, the nickname has a bite to it.

"If you're accusing me of using my financial status to give our children a better chance… then, yes," Maura's voice is rising now. "Guilty! I want them to have everything. I want them to take advantage of everything I have to give them."

"Yeah. That _you _have to give them. Forget about the people they have to step on, or the kids who didn't get to reach their full potential because of money. Forget about Levi."

Maura points at her wife, all thought of reconciliation forgotten. "This isn't about Levi at all. Don't hide behind wanting to do the right thing for the family when what you really mean is that you don't want your children to go to a school for rich kids." Maura squares her shoulders. "Don't put that on our children, Jane. Don't you dare unload your bad experiences on them. They are smart and wonderful they are like sponges, and I want them to absorb _everything_. And they are _good_ _kids_. How can you not want what's best for them?"

"This is what's best? A school with a tougher application process than the CIA? What do they even need to learn that you can't teach them, really."

"You are being ridiculous," Maura says, anger rendering her inarticulate.

"And you are being a snob. There are tons of really important things that they need to learn that don't even take place in a-"

"_For heaven's sake, Jane_. It is not my fault that you were too poor to go to college." It comes out in a rush, as an accident, and immediately Maura puts her hand to her mouth.

Jane's eyes narrow until they are almost slits. "You should have married Fairfield," she growls after a moment, "Then you could have shipped your children off to Switzerland for the best that money can buy."  
And with that she turns on her heel, and disappears around the corner.

* * *

...

Levi's second grade classroom is bright and inviting, decorated with tons of second grade art, and full of parents. Jane pulls the door open and holds it for her wife, but they don't speak.

Levi's teacher Jennifer Lomask is a small mousy woman with brown hair and huge brown eyes. She wears low top converse with everything, Levi says. When she sees them, she comes scurrying up to them, holding out her hand.

"Dr. Isles, Detective Rizzoli, I'm so glad that you two could make it tonight." She sounds nervous, and she has trouble making eye contact. Jane shoots a quizzical look at Maura, who shrugs.

"I just wanted to let you know," she continues, gesturing that they should follow her, "that since Levi's incident a couple months ago, we've remedied the quiet time space for children who need to have some time to cool down or be apart from others." She gestures at a chair sectioned off behind a book case, and looks hopefully up into their faces. "I really do feel awful about what happened with him. But he's been the perfect model student since, so there hasn't even been any need for the chair." She goes a little pale as Jane shifts and frowns.

Maura puts her arm through Jane's "Thank you so much for taking him into consideration," she says, "There have been many studies that show seclusion for bad deeds actually increases the likelihood that the child will repeat those actions."

Jennifer nods vigorously. "Well, I just wanted to let you both know that we are working to accommodate him as best we can. He did miss a lot of school, and sometimes I think his acting out is a result of how behind he feels.

"He's catching up," Jane says quietly, frown still deep.

"Definitely," Jennifer Lomask says, and she sounds terrified. "Definitely. You two have been doing a wonderful job with him...Not that you wouldn't do a good job...I know you have two children of your own...not that Levi isn't your own..."

The corner of Jane's mouth twitches a little as the teacher rambles on, and Maura squeezes Jane's arm in a warning, before putting Jennifer out of her misery.  
"Thank you for all you've done, too," she says. "Jane, let's go look at the art Levi did, okay?"

Jane turns away obediently, and as they walk away, she chuckles.

Maura swats at her, "It's not funny, Jane. That woman is terrified of you."

"I don't see why. I didn't do anything to her," Jane says innocently.

"Excuse me?" Maura looks incredulous, "If I recall, you got home from the crime scene and called the superintendent and threatened her job."

"Ah," Jane says, the memory coming back to her, "I also threatened to arrest her family...didn't I?"

Maura smiles despite herself, "You did, yes."

They stop in front of Levi's art, entitled "self portrait."

"It's good!" Maura says, "look at the use of shading and-" But Jane points at the card underneath and Maura breaks off to read.

_This is a picture of myself. At first it was dark because I was in dark spaces. Then I get bright because I got saved and I know I am me now. I am me with my family. _

"Oh," Maura says, and Jane's hand squeezes hers.

"Yeah."

"Uh, Detective?" Jane turns to see a tall man and a tiny woman standing next to her.

"Yes?"

"Marc and Lisa Reid," they hold out their hands simultaneously, "Finn's parents?"

"Oh," Jane says, shaking their hands, "Oh, right, Levi rides the bus with your son." she gestures to Maura, "This is my wife Dr. Maura Isles."

Lisa and Marc glance at each other quickly before shaking her hand too. Jane raises an eyebrow.

"We read all about you in the paper. It seems like every other month you're saving Boston somehow," Marc says, and Jane tenses.

Maura cuts in, "Levi and Finn are close, right?" she says, and Lisa seems to understand, putting her hand on her husband's arm.

"They are. That's why we were hoping to see...both of you here." she nearly trips up, and Jane's frown is back.

"Finn is having a birthday party in a week or so, and we'd love to see Levi there, if he can make it."

"Of course," Maura says, reaching into her purse for her phone, "Of course, let me just put you in the calendar..."

* * *

...

The ride home is still as silent as the ride there had been, but Maura feels the tension starting to dissipate.

"Jane," she begins.

"I'm sorry," Jane says quickly, balling her hands up, "I didn't mean what I said. I was a total asshole."

Maura glances at Jane and then back at the road. "It hurt."

"I know, Maura. I'm sorry."

"There's no one I'd rather have children with."

"I know."

"And I value your input and opinion."

"I know."

Silence. Maura stops at a red light, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. "I was harsh, too," she concedes finally, and Jane half smiles. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yes. And I'm..." She pauses, and Jane looks at her, expectant. "You're going to make me say it?"

"I said it!" Jane teases, "Twice!" But she takes Maura's hand as the light turns green.

"I'm sorry, Jane," Maura says, and the detective kisses her knuckles.

"I want what's best for our girls," Jane says and Maura nods.

"I know."

"And they're not in yet, so...We can just take it one step at a time, okay?"

Maura's eyebrows shoot up. "Yes?"

"Yeah."

More silence, but companionable and nice. Jane plays with Maura's fingers, bringing them to her lips every once in a while. after a moment she giggles.

"The Reid's were...shocked," she says, and Maura laughs.

"They were, weren't they! Well, good. It is the twenty first century." She smiles at the memory if their wide eyes, "Anyway, they recovered nicely. And they still invited Levi to Finn's party."

"Yeah, party slash bible study," Jane grins as Maura rolls her eyes, "I wanted to kiss you right there Maur. Hard enough to make you moan."

Maura gasps, her eyes going wide and Jane laughs, a deep, full laugh that doesn't help Maura's mindset. "Just to make them go bug eyed," Jane adds.

"Oh?" Maura turns down their street. "That's the only reason?"

Jane gives her a devilish grin, but becomes solemn again, putting Maura's hand over her heart.

"I am sorry, Maur," she says quietly, "I don't want our kids to grow up distrustful and biased...I just...I hate thinking of them hurt."

Maura looks at her, knowing she means hurt the way Tommy was hurt, or the way she and Frankie were hurt after Frank left. She means financial hurt, made that much worse by watching other kids who weren't struggling.

Maura tugs her hand free from Jane's and pulls on a lock of her hair, "I know, sweet girl. And it's because of you that they are gonna grow up with such big hearts. I know it."

Jane sighs the sigh that tells Maura she is satisfied for now, but that this conversation will come back some other time.

"Let's go inside," Maura says, looking at her watch, "If we are really quiet, we can make it to our room without anyone waking up.

Jane's grin is back, and as they get out of the car, she pinches Maura's waist, making her yelp.

"It's never me we have to worry about," she grins, and she scoots up the stairs and into the house before Maura has time to pinch her back.

* * *

**Happy weekend! You people...with your faces! And your fingers! Typing such nice things I can't even. **

**Here's a little more fluff (fluff can include fights, guys...they worked it out). We've got a pretty nice patch here for a while...only one more hill and then the end. **

**Well the end of my planning anyway. **

**You crazy beautiful people enjoy your weekends. I'll see you tomorrow. **

**happy reading. **

**tc**


	40. Chapter 40

"Where _were _ you?"

Maura sinks down onto the bench next to a very pale, very shaky Jane. "Susie needed to go over some of the findings. She didn't understand some of what the lab report brought back. Why? what happened?"

Jane looks at Maura and bites her lip. "I'm pretty sure I fucked it up."

"Language," Maura hisses and Jane wrings her hands, "_See?_ Maur, my genes and I were not made for a place like this."

Maura is so startled by this statement that for a moment she thinks that Jane is talking about clothing.

"What? No. OH...No, honey." Maura reaches out and takes one of Jane's hands in her own, rubbing down the fingers. "No. I'm sure it wasn't that bad. Tell me what happened."

"We had to wait for like...twenty five minutes, and the girls were getting bored, so I let them play clap clap in the hall."

Maura shakes her head, "So?"

"I think they made too much noise. The headmistress gave me a weird look. I told her you were running late, but that you'd said we could get started, but she said there was plenty of time."

Maura nods, "That doesn't seem so bad."

"She asked me where I went to college. During our first meeting. While the girls were in the first test," Jane says, and Maura looks up, surprised.  
"Why?"

"I don't know, Maura." Jane's discomfort is making her irritable.  
"Well, what did you say?"

"I said I didn't go," Jane says miserably.

"...And you didn't," Maura says, breathing a sigh of relief. At least Jane has not lied. "And you applied and were accepted, anyway. So I don't see what the problem-"

"And then she asked if the girls were fraternal."

Maura feels a surge of anger that makes her nails dig into Jane's hand. "She what?"

"I said yes..." Jane's misery seems to be deepening, "They're going to know that Sofia is mine, and they're not going to let her in."

Maura looks up into her wife's face. Yesterday, she would have bet everything she owned that this situation would've made Jane furious. If she had been asked to paint this scenario, it would have involved screaming and threats, and maybe even a flying chair.

Instead the woman sitting next to her just looks sad.

"Where are they now?"

"Doing more tests. This place has more tests than a MENSA meeting. They test how they _play, _Maur. I got to see them when they went from, ah, cognitive to...uh, predictive? And they're having a blast anyway. Sofia wants to take all the puzzles home to keep."

Maura smiles despite the anger she feels boiling up inside of her. "Okay...so. We'll just wait and see okay, Jane?"

"It's pretty cruel," Jane says quietly.

"What is?"

Jane gestures around the pristine hall. "To dangle this in front of kids. To bring them here and get their hopes up and then say...sorry, you are not bright enough."

Maura runs her hands along the back of Jane's neck, "They won't know one way or the other, Jane," she says gently.  
"Not the girls," Jane says. "There was a family leaving as we came in and they had an older girl, nine or ten. And she was crying." Jane shakes her head, "It's sort of cruel."

Maura is silent, and Jane looks at her. "I don't mean I don't understand it," she says quickly, "I get why it has to be done...I just..." She trails off.

"You just what?"

Jane smiles, "You don't know what it's like," she says after a moment, and when Maura starts to fire up, she continues quickly, "and I love that about you. I love that you are so open and caring and genuine. I love that you are forty years old-"

"I am thirty eight. Do not round me."

"Sorry," Jane chuckles, "I love that you have gone thirty eight years without meeting any type of road block that you couldn't surmount. You're talented and brilliant and...just fuck- sorry - amazing. You're amazing. And I love you."

Maura waits, but Jane doesn't continue. "...but?" She says prodding her wife.

"But what if our kids. And I mean either of them, even though I worry a lot about Fee, what if they run into a road block that they can't get past? What if school gets too hard for one of them, or what if Isabelle can do things that Sofia can't do..." She glances at Maura, who looks at her, confused.

"It feels awful, Maur," she says quietly, "It feels awful to watch other people do something, or get something that you want too...and not be able to get there. Not because you don't deserve it, or you didn't work for it...but because you just _can't_."

She looks down at her hands, and Maura knows she's not talking about material things like cars or outfits or even bigger things like houses and vacations.

"I don't want them to find out that they have limits," Jane says, her voice going even softer. "Not yet."

Maura remembers sitting on the beach in Virginia during her birthday, Constance in the lounge chair next to her.

...

"_Thank you, Mother. For helping Jane put this all together." _

_"What do you mean?" Constance had looked at her sideways. _

_"The boat...the dress...I know you had a hand in it." Maura had raised her eyebrows and Constance had looked at her daughter curiously. _

_"Maura. You underestimate your detective. I had no part in the planning of this, financial or otherwise. Jane wrote me and asked me to come. I gave no financial help...unless you count agreeing that she could buy me a coach seat back from Rome." _

_Maura had stared as her mother had leaned back in her seat, closing her eyes. "And do you know...I'm rather fond of those little packets of peanuts." _

_..._

"Oh, Jane." Maura doesn't know what to say.

"I promised myself that when we had kids that they wouldn't ever want for any of the things that I did. They wouldn't ever be cold or not have their own bed, or be hungry," She smiles and her eyes are far away, "I think I over fed them there in the beginning," she says and Maura smiles at the memory of Jane, trying to get a baby Isabelle to eat an entire jar or strained carrots.

"I just never thought that something like Chestnut Academy would be something that I'd want for them. And...it's the first time that I feel like... If they don't get in...I can't _make_ it happen."  
She looks at Maura, brown eyes sad and intense and beautiful.  
"God, you are so beautiful," Maura says.

Jane makes a frustrated noise, "_Maura!_ Are you even listening to me?"

Maura laughs, "Yes. Yes. I'm sorry, I just meant...I think I know exactly what is going on in your head. I think I know all your fears and worries, and then you say something like that and I have to figure you out all over again, Jane."

She leans forward and puts her forehead on Jane's shoulder. "I love you," she says, and it does not come close to everything she wants to say. "I love you so much. Our children are going to have the best education wherever they go, because they have us."  
Jane squeezes her and, but doesn't get to say what she wants to say because at that moment, the door opens and a short woman in a tweed pantsuit steps into the hall.

"Rizzoli-Isles?"

They stand, Maura keeping her arm linked with Jane's. "That's us."

"The headmistress would like to see you now."

...

"Dr. Isles! Your wife told me you were running late. It's wonderful that you could join us."

"Yes," Maura shakes the woman's hand, watching her eyes take in her designer dress and bag with satisfaction. She tries to settle the angry squirm in her stomach, "Yes. I'm so sorry."  
"Nonsense. When duty calls, we must answer, am I right?"

Maura smiles.

"Sit, sit both of you!" she gestures to the chairs opposite her desk, and Jane pulls Maura's out before sitting down herself.

"So, as I was telling Detective Rizzo, we here at-"  
"Rizzoli." Maura already hates this woman. She wishes she'd gotten here earlier.

The headmistress looks down at her file, "Rizzoli. My apologies. As I was telling her, Chestnut Academy is one of the best kindergarten through twelve schools in Massachusetts, and as such, our interview process is extensive."

Maura nods, "Jane was telling me, cognitive and predictive and play study?"

The headmistress looks a little surprised, "Yes!" She pulls out another folder and flips it open, "Well, it looks like I don't need to go through my whole spiel again, so let's just jump right in, shall we?"

Her eyes move quickly over the paper and Maura feels Jane fidget next to her. She reaches out and takes her hand.  
"mm," the headmistress says blandly, "Well, I should tell you that these are not the be all end all. we do have another follow up, should your girls make it that far..."

"Of course," Maura says quickly, because it seems like Jane has stopped breathing. "We understand."

"Well...It looks like you have a little genius budding in Sofia. She is off the charts in her cognitive and predictive testing."

There is silence for a moment, and Maura feels a little light headed with pride. She looks at Jane, who is staring at the headmistress like she's lost her mind.  
"What?" She manages.

"Yes!" the headmistress is nodding, her eyes still on the papers in front of her. "finished the puzzles faster than we've seen a five year old do in a very long time...lets see. inquisitive, introspective. Able to work through problems. observant."

"That sounds a lot like her mother," Maura says squeezing Jane's hand.

Jane looks frozen.

"And Isabelle...let's see. Brilliant as well, talented, bright, very literate and coordinated...it looks like she has a bit of an attention issue. Get's bored quickly?"

Maura chuckles, and Jane smiles a little too. "Yeah. That sounds like Isabelle."  
"Well, it's something we would address," the head mistress looks directly at Jane, who manages to stop her bouncing leg, "but nothing that causes us too much worry. Over all, the preliminaries are very pleasing."

Jane looks at Maura, dumbfounded, and Maura opens her mouth, but at that moment, the door opens and the secretary leads their children in.

"Mommy!"

Sofia crawls up on Jane's lap and Isabelle up into Maura's. "You showed!"

Maura chuckles, "I did. Did you have a good time playing?"

both girls nod, and Sofia leans back against Jane, "I had fun," she says and Jane gives her a squeeze.  
"I'm glad, nugget."

The headmistress smiles, "And what about you, Sofia. Did you think it was fun?" She looks at Isabelle.

For a second there is silence, And Isabelle looks at the headmistress, confused, and then up at Maura.

And then Sofia nods from Jane's lap, "yes," she says, sounding the way Jane does when she's irritated. "I just said."

Maura's eyes narrow, "This is Isabelle," she says, tapping Isabelle's head. "_That's_ Sofia." And the Headmistress sits back, her face going slightly pink. "Oh. Oh...My apologies, I just thought..." She looks down at the papers in her folder again, and Maura feels the squirm of anger inside over her start to grow. She knows perfectly well what this woman thought. She glances at Jane, who is whispering something to Sofia, and although Sofia giggles and squirms at whatever Jane is saying, the detective's eyes are sad and defeated, and Maura knows she has understood as well.

"Honey, why don't you take the girls into the hall," Maura looks at Jane, who goes to protest, but stops dead at the look on her wife's face.

"uh oh!" Isabelle whispers and Fia looks up at Maura and goes pale.

"no mess face!" Fia whispers. "what did you _do_ Bella!"

"Nuthin!"

"Maur," Jane starts, but Maura's eyes flash, and Jane falls silent. Standing up. "Come on, Bella. Let Mommy talk to the headmistress for a moment."

Isabelle hops down from Maura's lap and reaches for Jane's hand. "_Mama did something i think." _She whispers to Isabelle as they leave.

Maura waits until the door shuts to turn back to the woman in front of her.

"Dr. Isles-"

"I would get up, and leave with my family, but I wanted to tell you that I you can withdraw our names from your applicant pool."

The headmistress looks stunned, "I'm afraid I don't under-"

"You don't?" Maura cuts her off, "I'm sure I can get Sofia back in here to explain it to you. That's Sofia? The spitting image of her biological mother detective Jane Rizzoli?"

The headmistress has the decency to go a little red. "Dr. I assure you-"

"Don't." Maura says with a dismissive flick of her wrist. "Anything that you're about to say to be is going to be bullshit." She watches the effect of the swear on the headmistresses expression with a sense of sweet satisfaction. "I spent the better half of last week trying to convince my wife that our children would be judged on their abilities and not based on stereotypes, and then you completely found her fears." She stands, "And we don't need Chestnut. Belmont beat you last semester in test scores and athletics, and they're a whole hell of a lot closer than here."

"Dr. Isles, I beg,"  
"You should beg," Maura nods, reaching for her purse, "My children are amazing. And when they grow up, they're going to know how to judge people for they're merit and not by what they see," she turns to the door, looking back over her shoulder, "And _Jane_ will have taught them that."

And with that she is gone, making sure that the door slams behind her.

"Everything alright?" Jane stands, looking nervous. Maura smiles and kisses her quickly, bending down to take Sofia's outstretched hand.

"Everything is perfect."

* * *

...

There is a message on the home answering machine when they get there, all four children in tow, hopped up on soda from dinner at the burger place down the street.

"Pajamas!" Jane says as they thunder through the front door of the house. "Pajamas and then one movie."

"Wall E" Sofia cries, taking the stairs as quickly as she can.

"Lorax!" Isabelle cries.

"Lion King!" Levi counters.

"You all agree by the time you come down or no movie at all," Jane calls after them, switching Noah to the other hip. "and for the love of all that is good, use the _railing!" _Three hands shoot out to glide over the banister.

Jane rolls her eyes, and follows Maura into the kitchen, watching as she presses the red flashing button.

"Maura? It's your mother. Hello Jane. I hope you are there too."

"Hello, Constance," Jane says, smiling.  
"Hi!" Noah says from her arms.

"I'm calling because I received a very distraught call from the head of the board at Chestnut Academy."

Jane's eyes get big and she looks at Maura, who bites her lip guiltily as Constance continues. "She made me aware of the situation, and of the mistake that was made and the treatment that Jane encountered when she was there, and Maura...I have to say that you behaved very unprofessionally."  
Maura's jaw drops open, and Jane closes her eyes.  
"You should have called me, and let me know what happened, so that I could have come down there and aided you in this woman's destruction."

Jane's eyes snap open. "what?" she mouths.

"As it is, I had to call for her immediate termination and withdraw all my financial support _alone,_ which doesn't nearly pack the kind of punch that I would like it to in this situation. I called several other women I know who give to their annual fund and you can rest assured that they will take a hit this year..." There is a pause in which both women look at each other, and then back at the tiny black box. "Please let me know which school will have the pleasure of teaching your brilliant daughters, so that I can switch my pledge...oh, and Jane? I called Angela as soon as I heard...I both apologize...and do not apologize."

And with that the voice of Constance Isles is gone. But they barely get a moments peace before Angela's voice is shouting over the machine.

"Janie...I am going to march right down there to that school and let them know that if they think that my grandchilren..."

Jane groans, and Maura presses the pause button turning to look at her.

Jane shakes her head. "My mother has turned your mother crazy." she says.  
Maura bursts out laughing.

...

The kids settle on Ratatouille, a movie that Jane refuses to watch. "Rats...in the kitchen, Maura. Ah... no thank you."

So the women retire to the kitchen, Jane pulling open the latest case file and Maura flipping through the latest Medical Journal. She looks up at her wife, head bent over the case, brow furrowed and concentrating.

"It wasn't a fluke, you know."

Jane looks up. "mmm?"

"That Sofia is the way she is? It's not a fluke."

Jane's face softens, and she shrugs, "Well, she spent nine months in you...that had to have some effect."

Maura rolls her eyes. "It did not. Do you want me to tell you why?"

Jane chuckles, and reaches out, pulling Maura, chair and all close to her, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. "Yes. Tell me why. Talk to me all sexy, Dr. Isles."

Maura laughs, but pushes Jane away, "I'm so sorry, Jane."

the detective's eyebrows shoot up, "For what?"

"For what I said. When we fought. About college...I didn't"

But Jane shakes her head, "My dig was lower," she says simply, "And it doesn't matter."

"It matters."

"My mom texted me what you said to that woman."

"How does she?" Maura begins

"A twisted game of telephone," Jane laughs. "It doesn't matter. I got the gist."  
Maura blushes, "She was heinous to you. I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

Jane shakes her head. "I'm not. I got to see my family rise up as one and demolish her. Frost actually texted me a picture of the carton of eggs he had to talk Frankie out of buying." Jane laughs, "Tommy texted me a picture of lydia's belly, saying _one more genius Chestnut doesn't get." _She looks away, but Maura sees her getting misty. "and your mother..."  
"Loves you like a daughter," Maura says, taking Jane's hand.

"She loves both her grandchildren," Jane says. "I have nothing to complain about."

"I love you, Jane." Maura says, and Jane inches closer.

"yeah? even though my genes are dominant?"

Maura's cry of protest is swallowed up in Jane's kiss. And as long as the detective keeps kissing her like that...she couldn't care less who is smarter.

* * *

**GUYS. did you really think I was going to let Maura get away with that half assed apology? oh hell to the naw. You know I don't do stuff on purpose! Anyway, happy sunday. and YAY Sofia and Isabelle are going to school. Look, I want to put a disclaimer here. I KNOW that not all private schools are elitest. I KNOW, okay? But I also want to write Maura Isles as this very smart, very genuine, almost naive human. She is too brilliant to fail guys...she ****_doesn't know what it's like_****. and she can't imagine it for her children. And Jane is the opposite. And as the kids go through school I want them to both come to some middle ground on this...you know? Anyway...I hope you like it...I hope it rings true for you, like it sort of did for me. I hope you wanted to punch the headmistress in the babymaker. lol. **

**Davis, JMpack, Magnus, Jobee, MRJ, Thank you so much. Characters that hold my heart. I am a crazy vocal writer? and when I do it in public, I think people assume I have a mental disorder. **

**Your comments are making my day. All of them. I hope you're enjoying the fluff as much as the previous angst...I think I'll butter you up some more so you don't punch through your computer at the next drams. **

**love you all to reeses pieces. **

**happy reading. **

**tc.**

**PS. My new fic, The Moment. has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with this universe. nothing. nada. zilch. lol. but you should check it out anyway. **


	41. Chapter 41

_They are playing ball. _

_It's something that they do every Sunday, between the afternoon game and the night game that he never lets Jane stay up for. _

_They go out and play football, or baseball, or on rarer occasions, lacrosse, and once on a Sunday that had ended in the ER, roller hockey. _

_Jane looks forward to these Sundays more than anything, screaming at the TV with her Pop and then running out to the park to play. It's been this way since she can remember. _

_Except for today. _

_Today Frank Sr. has brought Frankie along, and he trails behind them in the dumb jersey Pop bought him last time they went to Fenway. _

_"Pop. It's football season. We should be playing football," Jane whines, jogging a little to catch up with her father. _

_"Frankie wanted to learn Baseball, Janie. It's his first Rizzoli Sunday." _

_Jane turns around and scowls at her brother, but he smiles back at her, oblivious, his face shining with happiness. He's wearing the new glove that Frank has bought him, and dragging the baseball bat, too heavy almost for Jane._

_"...bat's too big for him anyways," She mutters, shoving her hands in her pockets. _

_She doesn't resent Frankie, not usually. In fact, she's usually sticking up for him. He's just started first grade at her school, and kids are already picking on him, calling him a baby when he cries on the play ground. Jane looks back at Frankie, practically skipping, smiling so big that his face must hurt. _

_"Keep up, you stupid dumb baby!" She calls back, and his eyes go wide and serious. _

_"Okay, Janie!" He calls and starts to jog a little. _

_Jane rolls her eyes, frustrated by his willingness. She turns to where her father is fashioning a home plate out of his jacket. _

_"Pop?" _

_He grunts to show he's listening. _

_"when Tommy turns six, you gonna bring him out here too? On Sundays?" _

_"Course," he says, standing up to examine his handy work. "He's a Rizzoli, isn't he? Course I'm gonna teach my boys their games. Now apologize to your brother for calling him names." _

_Jane opens her mouth to protest, but then thinks better of it. Her father is always doing things like that: pretending he's not listening and he doesn't hear, and then surprising everyone. _

_"Sorry for calling you a baby, Frankie," she says sullenly, and he shrugs. _

_"That's okay. I was a baby a little while ago, but I'm not anymore. Pop says I'm going to be a better pitcher than Pedro Ramirez!" _

_"Martinez," Jane corrects him, and his smile is so infectious that he has to smile too. _

_"Come here, son," Frank says, and Frankie runs up, to him, letting his father rearrange the bat in his hands. _

_Jane watches for a couple minutes (even though it feels like hours) and then shuffles off through the grass, trying to figure out why she feels like crying. _

_She makes it to the tire swing and jumps up on it, her momentum making it swing back and forth lazily. Her father calls to her, and she deliberately pretends not to hear him. squaring her jaw and looking the opposite direction. _

_Not until she hears him come up behind her, does she turn around, ready to make the best smart remark her nine year old brain can come up with. _

_"Janie, you need to come pitch to Frankie," he says, watching her swing back and forth. _

_"You don't need me," she says, although she is aware that those were not the words she'd intended to let out of her mouth. "You can do Rizzoli Sunday with your son. What do you need me for?" _

_He looks at her for a second, his confusion giving way to a new emotion that she cannot read. He moves away from her, and sits down on a raised tree root, gesturing her over, and Jane tries her best to look like it is a huge inconvenience to be asked to sit on her father's lap. _

_"Who's my number one girl?" He asks her.  
Jane frowns, "That's not how it goes, Pop," she says. It's something he's been asking her for as long as she can remember. "It's who's your number one kid! I'm your number one kid, Pop. I came first. I'm number one. Rizzoli Sunday is mine!" _

_He doesn't answer right away, and despite herself, Jane leans her head against his chest, tired from her outburst and the strain of being indignant all afternoon. _

_"Of course you came first," He says. "And you'll always be my first and my special girl." _

_She sighs and he pushes her away so he can look her in the eyes. "But a boy needs his father, just like a girl needs her mother...no. Don't roll your eyes. One day, you'll realize how much you love your mother. And you'll do anything for her..." He pauses, and runs his hand along his jaw.  
Jane does that too, just for the feeling of it. _

_"Anyway," he points into the field, where Frankie is tossing the base ball up into the air and trying to catch it in his glove, "That's your little brother. That's your blood. And we have one rule in this family." _

_Jane thinks, "Do not put your cleats on the dining room table." _

_Frank Senior laughs, and stands, hoisting Jane with him, her excited shriek making Frankie look up. _

_"Okay, two rules," He spins her once and then sets her down in front of him, pointing his finger at her chest. _

_"You show up for family. You protect them, and you keep them, and you never, ever, leave them behind." _

* * *

_..._

Levi throws a tantrum.

One moment they are playing Monopoly and then next minute he is screaming.

It's unclear what sets it off, but he's out of control very quickly, turning like a light switch, and he flips over the monopoly board, his face red and angry. Tearless.

The girls and Noah are in bed, and because Levi is turning eight in under a month, he has been given permission to stay up until eight.

So it's just Jane and Maura and Tommy and Lydia when Levi starts to yell.  
Jane jumps forward at once, her hands outstretched, and Maura stumbles backwards, shocked. Levi has had tantrums before, when he's felt threatened or abandoned, but the suddenness and intensity of this outburst catch her off guard.

"Jane!" She says, as Jane advances carefully on Levi. She wants her wife to be careful, though she's seen her take down men who are twice her size. This is their little boy.

But it's Tommy that gets there first, his hands closing around Levi's arms firmly.

"Calm down, little man," He says gently, as Levi struggles.

"I HATE YOU." It's his go to saying, and it doesn't even make Jane flinch anymore.

"Lee-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Okay," Tommy says, "That's enough of that." and he picks Levi up by the shoulders, carrying him down the hall and out the door of the house.

Maura moves to follow, but Jane holds her back..."Let me."

...

Jane cracks the door open to see them sitting side by side on the front steps, both leaning forward on their knees. Levi is still breathing a little hard.

"What was that, man?" Tommy asks casually after a moment.

Levi shrugs.

"C'mon. You gotta do better than that. You went all terminator on our Monopoly game. A game that I was _winning_, by the way. Do you know how hard it is to beat your mom at Monopoly?"  
Jane smiles.

"I got mad."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I didn't want Lydia to be on our team."

Tommy nods, but doesn't respond to this. Instead he turns and looks hard at the little boy. "What's it feel like, when you get angry like that?"

there is silence, but Tommy doesn't take his eyes off of Levi and after a moment Levi makes an uncomfortable movement with his shoulders.

"Dunno." He says quietly.

Tommy nods, "You sure?"

For a second, Jane thinks that Levi isn't going to answer. That they are just going to sit there in silence for the rest of the night.

But then Levi says, "Like fire in my heart. And then I go crazy."

Jane has to hold onto the door frame to keep herself from going out onto the porch.

Tommy nods, "Yeah. I know how that feels," he says, and Levi looks at him skeptically. Tommy shrugs, "It gets you right here," he points at his chest. "It's like you can't breathe."

Levi looks shocked, and Tommy continues, "You ever talk to anyone about it? Either of you moms? Your therapist?"

"Nah. They wouldn't understand."

Tommy is quiet, considering. "Let me tell you something. The mothers you have in that house? They will understand anything you throw at them. My sister? She's the best. She will never let you down, and she will totally understand your fire."

"How do you know?" Levi. Every argumentative.

Tommy puts his arm around Levi's shoulder. "Because she understood when I told her about mine." He gives Levi a squeeze. "You can't keep it in, man. Or it will eat you. You have to talk to someone. Doesn't have to be your mom, or me. But it's gotta be someone."

A long moment of silence. And then Levi nods.

Jane loses the thread of the conversation for a moment because she has to step away from the door to wipe her eyes and settle her breathing.

when she glances back they are coming in, and Levi looks up at her as he gets nearer.

"Sorry I was a jerk, Ma," He says, and she reaches out and ruffles his hair.

"I love you, buddy. No matter what."

He smiles, "Double it. Where's mom?"

"Living room," Jane answers, "Lee," he looks back at her, "don't say jerk to Mom. That will ruin your apology." He smiles and disappears around the corner, and Jane turns to her brother.

"And you!"

He looks nervous.

Jane smiles, "You are just...the fucking best. Thank you. Brother."

Tommy looks like he's just one a gold medal.

...

* * *

_Maura pours orange juice into two cups. Her glass is blue with daisies on it, and his glass is clear with a red ring around the top. She pours the orange juice in his cup up to the bottom of the red ring and not higher. Then she pours her own glass until the juice covers the last daisy. _

_As she carries the glasses to the table, she can't help but be filled with a shaky sort of nervousness. _

_She looks up at the clock. _

_Thirty five seconds and her father will emerge from his study. _

_Maura reaches out and smoothes the front section of the paper, making sure it is facing his chair and that it is right next to his orange juice. Then she glances at the section in front of her: Business. But she doesn't start reading. That would be cheating. _

_The clock above the sink dings, and like magic, her father appears in the doorway of his study, a book tucked under his arm, empty coffee mug in his hand. _

_Maura sits in her chair, trembling with excitement and anticipation. This is his first morning home, and his last morning home all rolled into one. It seems that more and more, business is calling him away. _

_But he never once forgets their ritual. _

_He puts his mug in the sink, and his book on the counter and then comes to sit in his chair. _

_"Good morning, little golden girl," He says, like always. _

_"Good morning daddy." _

_When she was younger, it was hard to open the paper, hard to read the section in the allotted time, and hard to understand what she was reading. But now she is ten. And all of those things are much easier. She can snap the paper like a pro, now, and she hasn't run across a word she doesn't know in almost a year. _

_They sit side by side at the breakfast table, Maura and her father, reading the paper. _

_At eight thirty, he folds up his section and she folds up hers and they switch. _

_They don't trade stories, or point out places to look. They just switch papers. And Maura reads the front page stories, and he reads business section. _

_It has been this way since she can remember. Since he was reading her the sections, and she was following his finger under each word, gobbling up the information and the time like they were treasures. _

_Nine comes much too quickly. Maura hasn't finished all the articles. She's been looking at her father and daydreaming about a job that did not always take him away from her. _

_He stands and folds the paper, and she does the same. _

_They carry their glasses to the sink. _

_"I'll see you soon, daddy." She never cries when he leaves, and she's surely not going to start now. _

_He smiles down at her, and when she looks up at him, she feels a rush of hope, like maybe he enjoys this hour of the day almost as much as she does. _

_"Take care," he says, and he taps the side of her head, "You keep up to date for me. I want a full report when I get back." _

_She nods, watching as he heads out the door, like she always does. _

_And every single day that he's gone. She reads the newspaper, back to front, even the obituaries. _

_Just in case he calls and asks. _

* * *

...

Jane is growly and playful when they get into bed that night, her confirmation that Tommy is not going to make their father's mistakes makes her feel lighter than she has in a while.

She bites down on Maura's shoulder gently, rumbling low in her chest, the way she knows her doctor likes, but Maura pushes her away.

"Not tonight," she says shortly. And Jane whines.

"Mauraa."

"I can't Jane," and Jane looks up at her tone, switching from light hearted to concern almost at once.

"Okay," she says quickly, pulling back, "okay, I'm sorry Maur."

Silence. Jane feels her heart beating fast in her chest with nerves. "Are you..."

"I'm fine."

"Is this about what I said to Levi before he went to bed? About getting that girl at school a rose? I was just kidding, I know that he's too young to-"

"It's not about that."

Jane is silent, thinking hard, but she looks up when she's sees Maura's chest start to rise and fall rapidly. "Maura?"

"I'm fine, Jane."

"Really? Because you are hyperventilating like that's a lie." She scoots closer to her wife, encouraged when she doesn't get pushed away. "Is it about Levi? Honey I know that-"

"He doesn't have a _father_, Jane!" it comes out like a sob, anguished although Maura's eyes are dry. "Our boys don't have a father. Every study says that little males need bigger, more mature males to emulate. It keeps them away from drugs and crime and off the streets. One study even showed that fathers who are less impressed with their son's achievements, produced more productive sons."

"Well, we're screwed there. Ma's going to be proud of Levi even if he becomes a professional dog walker." Jane knows immediately that this is the wrong thing to say, and Maura's face is so comically horrified that she has to work very hard not to chuckle.

"Honey," she says, trying to go for soothing and not condescending. She only half succeeds, judging by Maura's narrowed eyes. She tries again, "Maura. What is going on. Our girls don't have a father. I mean...I occasionally put on the glasses/nose/mustache combo when we're playing dress up, but-"

"If you're not going to take this seriously!"

"I can't Maura!" Jane takes the doctor's hand in her own. "I can't. I know you have your studies and your percentages and everything, but Frankie didn't have a father. Not a good one, anyway."

Maura shrugs, "He had you," she says like that explains everything.

"Uh, Dr. Logic? One. I am not a man. Two? Our kids have me, too, Maura. Three? _I _sure as hell didn't have a father. So if you're implying that Frankie absorbed it through some sort of, osmosis, then I beg to-"

"I didn't have a father either." Maura's voice is so low that Jane almost misses it.

"What?"  
"I didn't have a father either. How will we ever make that up to them?"  
And now she does cry. And she presses herself against Jane, who wraps her arms around her, at a loss.

"Are we depriving them?"

"Levi and Noah?"

"All of them!"

"No." Jane says it more firmly than she feels it, but Maura pulls back and looks at her with teary green eyes, and leans down and kisses her nose, finding strength. _My father taught me to be strong for the people I love. He taught me what I would do for them._ Jane gives Maura a squeeze.

"We'll make one up."

Maura sniffs, "What?"

"It's not the father, Maura. I can't believe that you and I could be who we are if everything depended on a father figure," she speaks like she knows, but she keeps an eye on Maura's face, looking for doubt. "So we'll make one up."

Maura looks confused, but interested, and Jane pushes on. "We've got Frankie and Tommy and Frost to teach them typical gross guy stuff, like how to scratch and spit and swear. And..." She pauses trying to think about her phrasing. "My dad taught me how to protect my family."

Maura's hands tighten against her back. Jane swallows, "And...I'll go about it a lot differently...But I'll teach Levi and Noah, and Sofia and Isabelle that too." Jane kisses Maura's temple. "The lessons are what matter most, Maura, not the person giving them."

Maura is silent for a moment, thinking, and Jane watches her, feeling affection tug at her heart at her like it's attached to an invisible rope.

"My father taught me to love words. And to sit with silence. I can teach them that."

Jane nods. "Our father sounds way better than like...any other one I've heard of."  
And she is rewarded with Maura's laugh, which is all she really ever wants.

"You're a great Mom, Maur," she whispers, "And a really good dad too."

"I love you more than anything in the world, Jane Rizzoli. I wouldn't trade you for a hundred men."

Both of them are silent for a moment, and Maura's eyes go wide before she bursts into laughter.

Jane kisses her.

"You better not," She growls, pulling the covers up around them, tucking herself against Maura's side. "Get the light."

* * *

**YAY! Here is some WMM for you guys! I'm trying to find a balance between this and The Moment...so, bear with me here. I am going to put it out there and say this counts as fluff. I mean...cmon. Frank Sr. is being...a good father. And Maura's dad is being...there. sort of. lol. Don't worry. this topic is not dead. and my fluff machine is officially broken...so...let the build up to the finale begin! **

**I honestly dont know what to say about you marvelous people and your crazy penchants for reviewing. Jobee, davis, AE, FA, BNH, sockslost, kayla, fergz, JMpack. Drama or fluff, you guys are always right there. and I love it. I LOVE IT. **

**Everythingshazy, do you know I've been reading that as everything shazy, for like...a month? silly me. **

**nikki, julez, deatheater, hope, sapphickat, livfan, chawkchic, devilchildvorn, thatisneverthat, funicello, noblegraces, ravens. **

**Ugh. you guys. I can't.  
I have so much thanks inside me and it doesn't translate well over the interent. but just know. it's in there. and it can only grow. **

**thank you. **

**looove you guys. **

**happy reading. **

**tc**


	42. Chapter 42

Maura kneels down next to the body, her fingers brushing over the back of the victim's neck. The tattoo is crudely done, not professional, and fading.

She looks up at the sound of Frost's voice, followed quickly by Jane's and she spots them ducking under the yellow tape a the corner of the crime scene. She stands, smiling and slipping off her latex gloves.

Murder notwithstanding, Maura is excited to see Barry Frost, and when he gets close enough she hugs him, not caring if it looks unprofessional.

"You've been neglecting me, Barold," she says, keeping her voice low so that the other technicians don't hear.

Frost lets out a cry of protest, "Hey, hey, woah, Doc." He gives her a squeeze and releases her, "I'll never leave you again, just keep that name under your hat."

"How is Alissa?"

"She's great." Maura glances at Jane who is gesturing wildly behind her.

"So...It's serious?" She asks trying to read her wife's signals without looking too obvious.

Jane starts to nod energetically, but Frost shrugs.

"We're going pretty strong. I wouldn't head right to serious."

Maura is looking at Jane surreptitiously over his shoulder as she pushes her fingers together in a point and then points at Frost.

Her eyes widen. "You're living with her?"

Frost whirls, pushing Jane backwards. "Some partner!" But he looks happier than she's seen him in a long time. "That's wonderful, Barry. I am so happy for you!"

He grins at her. "It's nice to...come home to someone. You know?"

"Yes," Maura says, as Jane tries to give Frost a wet willy. "Yes, I do."

"Uh, ladies?" Frankie has appeared on the scene, "When you're done with your tea and gossip? There's a dead Neo Nazi over here who needs your attention?"

The three of them turn to look at Frankie, who is looking down at the victim lying face down in the grass.

"He's a Nazi?" Jane approaches the body as though it is still alive. "damn - darn it," She throws an innocent smirk at Maura. "I hate Nazis. Are you sure?"

Frankie points at the tattoo that Maura was just looking at and Jane moves to stand next to her brother. It's a swastika.

This time when she swears, she doesn't take it back. "I hate these freaks," She says again.

"Everyone hates Nazis, Jane. Except for other Nazis. I mean...They're fucking Nazis" Frankie explains wisely.

Maura frowns, "Honestly. Can you two ever do your job without swearing all over the place? You'd think I would broken you of it by now."

Jane waves a tech over to get a picture of the the tattoo, and turns to Maura. "_This _is the rotation that we get called in on? Levi has his first football game this weekend, and we have to look for someone who - probably very rightfully - killed a Nazi?"

"Nobody is rightfully murdered, Jane," Maura says simply, "You know that."

She points a foot print out to a near by technician. "And that tattoo is old. Over a decade. It's possible he had a change of heart. Maybe he had kids. Maybe he was turning over a new leaf."

Her words seem to focus the detective, and she nods once, reaching up to pull her hair back into a ponytail.

"You're right. You're right. Okay. We've got a dead, _possible_ Neo Nazi." she claps her bother on the back. "Let's find ourselves a definite murderer."

...

Even when they run like a well oiled machine, balancing work and four kids is difficult. But May heads quickly towards June, and both months are full of activities, and to add to the pandemonium, no one is in school. Angela is working longer and longer hours and they are catching cases left and right.

When Constance is in town, she helps out as much as she can, and Tommy and Lydia are always

happy to help.

But Constance is travels a lot, and Lydia looks like she's about ready to burst, her due date looming closer and closer.

And so, in a moment of desperation, Jane sits her four children down in front of her on the couch, making sure to look them all in the eye as she speaks.  
"Mama is ten minutes away from home," she says slowly, and four pairs of serious eyes look back at her, waiting. "And I am fifteen minutes late for court, so I have to go right now."

four sets of eyes widen.

"If you move. one toe. from this couch. before your mother gets here. You will be in so much trouble, I cannot even _begin_ to describe it to you."

Isabelle fidgets and Jane focuses on her until she looks up.

"That means no movies. That means early bed time. That means no dessert. _forever._"

The sea green eyes widen, horrified.

"This is a big deal and I'm trusting you all to do the right thing. Mommy will be here to take Noah to the doctor for his check up and Uncle Frankie's coming to sit until I get back. I'll be home for dinner."

"When is your day off, Mama?" Sofia leans back into the cushions, looking a little sulky. "When is you and Mommy's next day off and can we go to the pool?"

Jane manages not to sigh. "When this case is over, Mommy and I will have some days off, little growl, and then we can go to the pool and lots of other places."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise. Do you promise to stay in your seat?"

A nod.

Jane kisses every head twice, and even though her heart is bursting with love for all of them, she manages a very fearsome glare before she shuts the door behind her.

When Maura gets home, she texts Jane a picture of their four children, curled up on the couch in the exact position she left them in, Sofia and Levi in the middle of a thumb war.

...

Noah will start daycare in the fall, and Maura is bringing him for his first round of booster shots. He is late for these shots, and Maura's a little nervous.  
For whatever reason, the Owen's did not vaccinate their youngest child, although, she muses as they wait for the pediatrician to come in, it's possible that they forgot, or wanted to wait.

As she sits there, she wonders again what the Owens' were like as a family.  
Sometimes, when he is sleepy or sick, Levi will take down the big photo album that he'd chosen from his former home, and will flip through the pages slowly.

"Do you miss them?" Maura had asked on one occasion, as Levi had traced his finger over his biological mother's face. "Do you want to talk about them, Lee?"

"My Mom used to call me Bobo," he says after a moment. "I don't remember why."

He flips the page. Noah and Levi and their father on bleachers.

"Daddy really liked football."

He'd had a cold that day, and when he'd rested his head on her shoulder, she'd stroked his hair. "Sometimes I think I remember things about her. but it's you. Or Ma..." He'd tilted his head up. "Is that okay? To forget?"

She had squeezed him, "You won't forget how much she loved you. They both did. very much."

It had been enough for the moment.

The door to their exam room opens, and Maura stands with Noah, getting ready to greet Dr. Mason, the girls' primary care physician, and introduce him to Noah.

But the man that pushes the door open is tall and dark, and familiar.

Maura feels her breath catch in her throat.

"Ian!" she is too stunned to do anything but stand there, bouncing Noah on her hip, her eyes wide.

"Maura Isles," Ian says stepping forward. He looks just as shocked.

Noah, hearing Maura's name, puts a finger against her chest "Mommy!" He confirms. They've been making sure he can associate them with their full names, should he ever need to, and he looks at Ian, proud and expectant, waiting for the praise that Jane usually gives him.

Ian chuckles, looking down at the chart. "I usually make it a point to get further than the patient's name, he says, "But we've been running crazy to day, what with Mason's sudden retirement." He pauses, his eyes sliding over the chart. "Yes, there it is, Maura Isles. My goodness, MD, PHD, is there anything you didn't do, doctor?"

She blushes. Ian always knew how to make her blush.

He pretends not to notice. "Well, let's take a look at this little man, shall we? A looker, just like his mother. No surprise there." His eyes float back to the chart.

"Ian," Now that her shock is starting to wear off, Maura begins to register the other words filtering through. "What do you mean Dr. Mason's retired? How did you get her job? What are you _doing_ here? The last I heard you were in Rwanda. How did you end up in Boston from Rwanda?"

He smiles, "Well, that was several questions. Do you want to prioritize one?"

She makes an impatient noise. "Dr. Mason has retired?"

"Yes. But that can't come as a surprise. He was six or seven...thousand years old."

Maura laughs. "What are you doing here?"

"Doctors without boarders let me come to Boston to get rid of the tapeworm I acquired in Rwanda."

Maura winces, "You didn't."

"I did. Totally rookie move. And then you know the drill. Eight months to reimmunize, Another year to be completely healthy and ready to return. So here I am catering to pudgy, healthy beauties like this little man here," He smiles and reaches out for Noah.

Maura lets him go, feeling a weird twinge of emotion that she can't quite name, watching Ian handle her child.

"So, will you be the primary care physician for all of Dr. Mason's patient?"

Ian laughs as Noah tries to fit his stethescope into his own ears.

"Mommy has!" he says, and he looks at Maura, "Mommy look!"

Maura smiles, but it is gone at Ian's words, "Yes. All of Dr. Mason's are mine now. Why, Maur, you got more children?"

He clearly thinks he's joking.

"Yes," she says, watching as his face registers shock and then studious indifference. "Three more actually."

Ian whistles low, and she can see him push several of his questions away. She wonders how much she knows about Garrett Fairfield's arrest, if he know's that these children are not his. After all the last time she saw Ian Faulkner, she was sneaking out of the apartment she shared with Garrett to meet him at one bar or another.

"Well, yes," he says into the awkward silence, trying to get back to professional indifference. "Yes. They would all be mine, but you are more than welcome to change. The Med center has added a whole knew wave of doctors, though," He glances at her and then sets Noah down on the examination table. "None as good as me."

...

She gets home later than she said she would. Ian was great with Noah, and then they had spent almost fifteen minutes talking about Rwanda. Maura had lost track of the time. As she opens the door, she can hear Isabelle and Levi yelling.

"Well you're nothing but a big dumb stupid. You don't know anything!"  
"I'm rubber and you are glue and..."

"Both of you knock it off. That's your warning.

"Maaaaa," That's Sofia.

"No, Fia. I told you."  
Maura hears Sofia growl. Just like Jane.

"Oh boy," she whispers to Noah. "Mommy's going to be in trouble."

"Oh boy!" Noah says, eyes wide. "oh boy."

She finds Jane in the kitchen, leaning over the case file. The kids are set up at the table, each with a bowl of Macaroni and a side of broccoli. While she watches, Isabelle takes one of her pieces of Broccoli and chucks it across the table at Levi's head.

Sofia's sharp intake of breath gives her away, and Jane doesn't even turn around.

"Isabelle Alessandra Rizzoli Isles. Come here right now. Bring your plate." Maura doesn't blame her daughter for hesitating. Jane doesn't lift her eyes from the case file until Isabelle is right next to her.  
"Did you just throw a piece of broccoli at your brother?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"What do you say?"

"Sorry, Levi," She mutters, and Jane pulls out the stool at the breakfast bar, lifting Isabelle up onto it, facing the counter and away from her siblings.  
"Finish your food," she says.

Isabelle bows her head.

"Mama," Noah says, from Maura's arms, making the detective look around. Maura thinks she looks a little exhausted.  
"Hey, little man," She says and she moves over to kiss Maura and then Noah. "How was the doctor?"

"loll pop!" he cries, and Jane looks at Maura.

"He was very good with his booster shots."

"Of course he was, he's so brave!" Jane points a finger over her shoulder at Isabelle who has begun to turn on the stool "EAT!"

She gives Maura an incredulous look. "That is _your_ child." she says.

"Your influence," Maura giggles.

"What kept you? Did everything go okay?" Jane turns back, reaching for a plastic plate for Noah.

"Yes..." Maura says and her tone makes Jane turn around and look at her.

"Yes?"

Maura glances at Levi and Sofia, both of their sharp eyes looking back at her.

"Later," she says.

Jane drops it immediately, understanding.

"work," Sofia mutters to Levi.  
"Typical," he whispers back.

Maura chuckles, grabbing herself a bowl of macaroni and sitting down next to Sofia.  
"Hey there Bonnie and Clyde. Eat your food."

Neither child gets the reference, but both are tickled. They call each other nothing else for the night.

...

"Ian," Jane's voice is low.

The twins and Levi are playing candy land in the living room, and Noah has just gone down for the night.

Maura bites her lip, "I told him it was possible that we would need to find the kids a new pediatrician."

"You what?" Jane looks angrier about this statement than any Maura has made so far.

"I anticipated that having Ian Faulkner as our children's primary care physician would not be ideal for you, and I told him that given our history, it might not be optimal-"

"Great," Jane growls, "now he's going to think that I'm a jealous nut job."

"You are..._jealous_ I mean," Maura says quickly, because Jane glares at her. "Aren't you?"

Jane pushes rests both her hands on kitchen counter carefully, looking down at her hands. Maura waits for a moment, but when Jane doesn't say anything, she approaches her tentatively.

"Jane?"

"You cheated on Garrett with Ian," she says quietly.

Maura puts her hands on her wife's back, feeling the muscles there tense and relax.

"Yes. I did." She waits again, but Jane doesn't say anything else, so she continues, "I was young, and lost, and he was the first person that made me feel...awake."

She slips her arms around Jane's waist, resting her head in the space between her shoulder blades. "I wanted to feel something. Anything. I hadn't in so long." She realizes as this comes out of her mouth that it could be taken the wrong way, but before she can answer, Jane pulls away.

"Did Noah like him?"

Maura opens her mouth, and then shuts it again. There is no right answer to that question. She decides, finally, on the truth.

"Yes. Ian was wonderful with him"

Jane looks down at her hands again, though she doesn't rub them together in her usual sign of discomfort.

"Jay-"

"Is he a good doctor? He's better than decrepit Dr. Mason?"

Maura chuckles, "Yes. He's a very good Doctor."

Jane nods, although she doesn't smile. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah. If you say he's a good Doctor, and Noah likes him, I'm not going to argue," she looks up at Maura and rolls her shoulders once, "You didn't feel uncomfortable did you?"

"No," Maura says. "No. He was very appropriate, very professional the whole time."

Jane makes a noise that might be a supressed growl. "Good.

There are several things that Maura wants to say on the subject. Something about the way Jane is handling this is making her uncomfortable. Her detective seems...uneasy. A low and rumbling sort of anger, rather than the burst of jealousy and outright disapproval she had expected.

But she doesn't get a chance. Her phone buzzes along the kitchen counter, and Jane's buzzes next to her hand. She flips it over. "Another, Neo Nazi," she says, and she sounds tired.

"Noah just went down," Maura rubs her hand over her face. She loves her job and she loves her children.

But tonight she wants to go to bed before 1am.

"I can call Ma."

"She's working until 8:30."

"Tommy and Lydia then."

"Jane. We can talk about Ian tonight, right?" Maura reaches to stop her phone buzzing. "It doesn't have to be settled now."

Jane sighs, and heads into the hall, opening the closet door. "There's nothing really to talk about, Maura. I want what's best for our family."

Maura follows Jane into the hall, watching her buckle her belt into place. "You're part of our family, Jane," Maura says quietly. "What's best for us includes what's best for you."

They're not fighting, no one has raised her voice, but Maura feels as though there is an argument. Somewhere in this.

Jane's phone buzzes. "Tommy can be here in 10. Go ahead Maur, I'll text Frost to swing by and get me."

Maura steps up to her wife, standing on tiptoe to kiss her cheek. "I love you, Jane Rizzoli."

Jane's face softens a little bit. "You're my everything," she says with a gentle smile. "Go find the truth."

Maura pauses at the door, looking over her shoulder.

"Remember what you are fighting for. Remember what matters most."

* * *

**HI y'all! Sorry that some of you were upset not to see updates at the end of this week. I was getting much more love for The Moment? So I thought maybe you just wanted me to keep updating that one...also...we are about to hit the last piece of drama in this fic...and I didn't want you to go several days with a cliffhanger, or anything like that. I wanted to give you this set up when I KNEW I would have time to write it. **

**SO HERE IS THE SET UP. I hope you like. **

**You're comments and PMs on the idea about what a father is and what a father can/should be were touching and interesting and moving and lovely. I'm so glad that so many of you found something to relate to in it. fanfiction has been so helpful to me in so many ways. I explore so many different parts and feelings. and above all I want it to ring true. from family drama to work drama. I want it to be interesting, but I also want it to feel authentic. **

**I hope that all of you can find something to love in this family. **

**I love you guys. SO MUCH. your comments are like...they're like...**

**nope. I gots nothing. just little tears and guppy mouth as i try to talk. **

**:) **

**happy reading. **

**tc. **

**P.S. original case #3. I hope they're getting better in terms of planning...we'll see. **


	43. Chapter 43

Jane is in the kitchen when the doorbell rings. She has Noah on her hip and a dish towel around over her shoulder, but she uses her hand to wipe yogurt off the baby's face.

"Levi!" she calls. "get the door."

"I'm playing 'Nihilation," he calls back from the living room. Jane rolls her eyes. She cannot seem to keep that video game out of her house.

"Answer the door right now and then you bring that game to me. You're not allowed to play anything with a T rating."

"Maaa."

The doorbell rings again.

"Come!" Noah cries from her arms.

"Levi. Answer the door." She says, wiping her hand across her forehead before she remembers that it is covered in yogurt. She closes her eyes for a moment, but they snap open when she hears an unfamiliar male voice coming from the hall.

She sets Noah down on the floor.

"Stay here." She whispers at him, and he looks up at her, confused.

She hurries into the hall towards the front door, in time to see a tall, dark man reach out towards her son.

"HEY!" She lunges forward, and grabs Levi around the shoulders, pulling him back.

The man at the door is so surprised that he backs up, stumbling down to of the front steps.  
"Levi, what did I tell you? You ask who it is, and you look out the window and if you don't know…"

"I don't-uh-open the door," Levi says, looking startled. "I asked, Ma. He's a doctor. He's got Mom's date book. Look."

She turns and looks at the man, who looks back at her for a moment, and then holds up the monogrammed date book that her wife has been looking for all week.

"You still should have called me," Jane tries to regulate her heartbeat without looking like she's going to pass out. "Go on. Go back to your game," she says without thinking. And when he scampers off, she calls after him. "No! No! Pick a new one. One that doesn't involve guts and machine guns!"

She turns back to the man on the door step.

"You're Ian Faulkner?"

He smiles, and she only just manages not to roll her eyes. He is gorgeous. "Yes…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Maura left her datebook at my office, and-"

"Yeah," Jane beckons him up the stairs and into the foyer. Might as well, "She's been moaning about it all week." She turns down the hall. "Noah! It's alright, baby, come here."

She turns to see him, still looking at her, and his expression is mildly puzzled.

"Jane," she holds out her hand, "Rizzoli," Nice to meet you.

His eyes widen, "You're Jane Rizzoli?"

She nods.

"Oh, Gosh. Maura used to talk about you all the time! Her best friend from Boston. How great that you two have reconnected! Is she here, or…" He glances past her.

Several things happen at once.

Jane understands that Ian Faulkner knows absolutely nothing about her relationship, no... her _marriage_ to Maura.

Tommy appears in the open door behind Ian, early to babysit.

And Sofia, having heard her uncle call out, appears at the top of the stairs in sock feet, tries to take the stairs too fast, and topples head first, down the last ten of them.

.

For a moment, there is silence, as Jane watches her daughter take a deep, deep breath, and then.

"OOOWWWWWW." She howls, reaching her arms out for her mother, who lifts her up into her lap, sitting on the bottom step.

Isabelle appears at the top of the stairs, looking scared. "Fia?"

"Ow. Ow. Ow." She cannot wait to draw a breath in. She presses herself against Jane, sobbing. "Mama. Ow. Mama." Jane is at a loss. There is nothing more heartbreaking than this.

Ian kneels down next to her on the step, and without asking, takes her daughter's head between his hands.

"Hey-" Jane is indignant, only until she realizes that Sofia stops crying abruptly.

"It's okay, darling," He says quietly, "Let Mama hold you while I feel your back."

She does, and he does, working quickly, talking the whole time.

And then he moves to her arms, flexing her wrists. She whimpers when he does her right one, and Jane's arms contract automatically around her.

"It's not broken," he tells her, and the room at large, for Isabelle, Levi and Noah have appeared in the general vicinity.

"Just sprained. Do you have children's asprin?"

Jane nods and Tommy starts past them up the stairs. "I'll get it."

"I'd give her those, every four to six as long as she's complaining of pain…And ice is a little now."

Jane stands Sofia still clinging to her. "Mama." She whimpers as Jane deposits her on the couch. "shush, nugget. You're okay. I'm going to get you some ice."

She disappears around the corner and when she comes back, Isabelle is next to her sister, holding her uninjured hand, eyes teary.

"It hurt me too, Mama," she says, and out of the corner of her eye, Jane sees Ian frown

"I know, pumpkin," she says, "Here, Sofia." He hands her the ice pack as Tommy appears around the corner, Noah in his arms.

"You're late, Sis," he says, and Jane fights the urge to swear.

"okay…Okay." She runs a finger through her hair, "Sofia, say thank you to Dr. Faulkner for checking you out. Mommy and I will be home by dinner," she leans down and kisses the twins, then Levi who has come over to hug her, and then Noah.

"I love you, babies."

"Double it."

"Double time."

"Yeah. Love you dos, mama."

"love!"

"Be good for your uncle."

When she turns around, Ian is looking at her, shocked. "Doctor?" She makes a gesture towards the door which he follows quickly, and on the porch, he watches her lock up, looking sheepish.

"Um. Mrs. Rizzoli."

She almost chokes. "Detective….Or Jane….God. Anything but Mrs."

He smiles sheepishly. "I just wanted to apologize for-"

But she waves him away. "It's nothing," A lie. "she didn't mention it." A little firework of anger detonates inside Jane. "It's fine," One more lie for the road.

He looks relieved. "Well. I'll leave you to your duties. I'm sure I'll see you again."

Frost pulls up in the cruiser and honks, even though he can see her right there.

"I'm sure," she says, hurrying down the sidewalk.

"Yipee."

…

Worcester prison. As it looms into view, Jane tries to fight the rising panic that she feels in her stomach. _Hoyt's not in there anymore, _she tries to reassure herself. _They've got brand new security systems and practices._

Frost takes the exit, and The tall brick building disappears for a moment.

"You alright?" Her partner keeps his eyes on the road. "You haven't been here since."

"I'm fine." She snaps and immediately she feels bad about it.

"Okay," Frost replies, without heat. "It's cool if you're not, though…anyway," he says quietly. "I'm kinda shitting myself over here."

She chuckles, "way to inspire confidence, Frost," She says, but she tries to put into the jab how much it means to her. "I'm just in a mood," she adds, and Frost turns to look at her as they stop at a red light.

"Uh oh," he says, looking nervous. "trouble in paradise?"

Jane glances at him. Usually her confidant is Frankie. Or, in a pinch, Tommy. Maura and Frost are the super close ones, although she would easily lay down her life for her partner.

But this has been eating at her all morning.

"Dr. Ian Faulkner dropped by my house today."

Frost's eyes get huge. "Oh?"

"Yeah. He's the kid's pediatrician, and…I don't know…Maura forgot her date book when she took Noah for his booster shot." Jane runs a finger through her hair.

"She's been looking for that book all week," Frost offers, and Jane loves him for trying to help corroborate her wife's story.

"No. I know. That's not the issue."

"Okay…"

"He had no idea who I was." Saying it out loud is worse than thinking it.  
Frost looks confused. "I thought, Maura hadn't seen him since."

"No," Jane cuts him off, "I mean he didn't know why I was in _Maura's _house."

Frost steps hard on the brake, and Jane is almost thrown into the windshield.

"JESUS. Frost. What the hell?"  
She looks at him and he looks pale. "Sorry…Sorry…" a pause, "She didn't tell him about you?"

"She mentioned she had three other children." This is worse than just not mentioning Jane, and Frost knows it. He eases the car forward again.

"Shit."

"Yeah." Jane leans back in her seat. She can see the prison again. Her stomach lurches.

"No," Frost says, "I mean…shit, because I- uh…well…I knew this visit was going to be hard and so I…"

They turn right into the prison overflow lot, and Jane groans. Maura is waiting for them next to her car, her eyes on her cell phone.

"Frosssst." She sighs.

"I'm sorry. We need a signal. Any other time you would have given me a medal for texting her."

This is true, and Jane has to admit that as angry as she is right now, she doesn't want to go into the prison without Maura next to her.

"So sensitive," she mocks, because she doesn't want to feel the anger or the fear that's threatening to overwhelm her. "I bet Alissa just _loves _that about you.

To his credit, he recognizes the tension under her jabs and does not fire back. "I'm sorry, Jane."

She punches him, but leaves her hand there, momentarily.

"It's alright. I'm a big girl. Let's just get this over with."

* * *

...

The case has left them with two dead men who do not have much in common except for their short stints in Worcester Prison for burglary…and their swastika shaped tattoos.

The first victim had sported his on the back of the neck. The second's was on the soft skin on the inside of his elbow.

Neither readily visible. Both done in the same amateurish, fading style.

"But they're not swastikas," Maura had said in the lab yesterday.

"They look like swastikas to me," Jane had said, looking at the blown up photos of the tattoos on her screen.

"Nah, Doc's right," Korsak had said. "Look at the way the tips are pointing. They're the wrong way. These are more like…brackets crossed on top of each other."

"Oh, yeah…" Frost had nodded.

"Yes," Maura says, "A swastika looks more like a propeller."

"Yeah…a very, racist, very xenophobic propeller."

Jane had laughed.

After running the pictures through the database, Frost had found a stabbing victim from 2002 with the same one on the bottom of his foot.

He'd been stabbed to death by his cellmate at Worcester prison, and that cell mate, Percival Rodriguez is still there. Serving life. And that's why Jane and Frost, and now Maura as well, are all waiting for the Prison bus to come take them through the main gates.

Jane stretches as she gets out of the car, and Maura approaches her immediately.

"Jane."

"Doctor," it sort of slips out, and Maura's brow furrows as she tries to understand. Jane rolls her shoulders and pulls her hair back into a ponytail. "You didn't have to come."

She feels Maura studying her, running through scenarios in her head.

"Yes, I most certainly did," she says seriously. "Are you alright?"

Jane looks at Frost who is staring so hard for the bus, that Jane thinks he might be able to materialize it out of nothing.

"No, Maura. I'm not." She says, more calmly than she feels. This day is like two of her worst fears combined."

Maura puts her hand on Jane arm, and the brunette feels comforted for the space of a second. Before she is pissed that Maura has the ability to comfort her even when she's angry at her.

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder never goes away. It just gets managed. Even though logically you know that Charles Hoyt is-"

"Stop." Jane touches her fingers to the scars on either hand. "I'm scared," she glances at Forst, "yeah. But I'm also just pissed today, Maura."

The doctor looks a little startled. "Oh…"

"We can talk about it after this, okay? It doesn't have anything to do with the interview."

Maura nods slowly, and Jane has to hand it to her. She hates sitting with ignorance, but she's willing to do it for Jane.

That has to mean something.

* * *

…

Percival Rodriguez is just as much as an enigma as his name suggests. They bring him into the interrogation room, and he eyes them warily as two guards chain his ankles to the hooks in the floor.

He is long and skinny with mocha skin and bleach blonde hair.

His arms are covered in the same type of fading, poorly done tattoos that their victims had.

Maura moves closer to him, staring at his arms so intently, that she doesn't see him lick his lips at her.

Jane reaches out and pulls her back protectively, and Rodriguez's eyes snap to her. "Wait outside, Maur," she says.

"Detective, I don't-"

But Jane scowls, and Maura obeys, looking a little flustered.

"Don't worry, Mami. There is enough of Percival to go around." His voice is younger than she expected.

She turns back to him. "As long as you've been in here, Rodriguez, I'd suspect you'd even have some left over for my partner here."

He spits, looking ugly. "Bitch," he growls.

"Definitely." She fires back. "Now why don't you tell us about this mark," she slaps the picture of the fake swastika down on the table, "And we'll be out of your way."

He looks down at the photo. "I don't know nothing."

Jane sizes him up. He can't be more than twenty eight or twenty nine. He glances past her at Frost, and his face is something like fear and hatred.

Jane circles him, and when she's behind him, she gives Frost a four. He gives half of a nod, that could be a shoulder roll, and sits down across from Rodriguez.

They run interrogation like they run a basketball team.

Six baseline attacks, with a thousand variations.

"Oh, you don't know nothing about it, scumbag?" Frost barks, and even Jane has to admit that he's getting better at looking threatening. "You don't know nothing about the swastikas you've been painting your boys up with?"

Percival goes, pale, "wha, what?" he stutters.

"You's a lucky little bitch, that you're not getting out of here any time soon, because I would have you marked faster than you can say traiter, _rodriguez." _Frost leans forward, "What you think I was always a cop? You think I don't got numbers in my phone?"

Jane leans forward, "You know. I would tell him to stop threatening you, Percival. But I don't like murders. And we've got two dead men inked with your symbol of white power…And I need to know why."

"It's not-it's not-it's not a swastika," Percival stammers, "I'm Dominicano. No he hecho nada*!"

Frost slams the table. Jane manages not to jump, "Percival doesn't sound very Domninicano to me."

"That's not my-not- not my real name! I gave it to myself. When I got here. Soy Ernesto. Es la verdad**. Por favor?"

Jane turns her back on him. It's mostly because it will give Frost a chance to speak to him like they have something in common, and it's also to hide her smile.  
Four is her favorite play to run.

"If it's not a swastika, what is it."

Rodriguez hesitates. "It's made to look like one. To fool the brotherhood. To save the stupid crackers who cross them."

Jane frowns, listening, but she doesn't turn around. "I tell 'em I'll fake it up for them. Just costs some cigarettes or meals. Or a little bathroom protection. But I do 'em wrong, bale***? And when they get out they ain't shit."

"So what'd you stab your cell mate over?" Jane turns back around, wanting to fit this into place.

Percival looks almost saddened. "Fool was gonna tell Franco. That's the Grand Wizard in this place. Was gonna tell I was doing up fakes. Passing people off."

Percival leans back in his seat. "It was stab that bitch or get a pipe in my own cabeza, get it?"

Frost stands, and Jane presses the buzzer.

"Yeah. We got it."

* * *

…

Jane and Maura drive home together in silence. And Maura, true to her word, does not bring up Jane's anger. Tommy meets them at the door with Noah wrapped around his back.

"They're eating dinner. Fish sticks and peas," He makes a face. Jane smiles.

"That's your dinner soon enough, little bro."

He smiles. "I did everything that Dr. Faulkner told me to. For Sofia's wrist."

Maura stops walking. "Dr…what? What happened to Sofia?"

Tommy glances at Jane. "She…fell down the stairs."

"You brought her to Ian?" Maura is looking more and more confused, but when she speaks her voice is angry. "Why didn't you text me, Jane? Why didn't you tell me that-"

"I didn't take her anywhere," Jane says calmly. "Dr. Faulkner was here when she fell. Dropping off your date book."

Several things seem to dawn on Maura at once, and the last one makes her slightly wobbly.

"Oh, God. Jane."

"Yeah," she says simply. "He was really psyched to meet me when I was, 'your best friend from Boston, how great that we reconnected!' But less excited I think, when he realized that I was also 'lover and co-parent, how sad that he missed his chance."

Tommy snorts, and they look at him.

"Sorry," he lifts Noah off his back, "That was funny."

"Jane," Maura says, and her voice is a little panicked. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It didn't come up…which sounds…awful…and I don't mean you didn't come up. I just mean that…Jane?"

But Jane's not listening. She's looking at her brother. At the inside of the top of his arm, near his armpit.  
As he lifts Noah up, over his head, his t-shirt rides up his bicep and she sees it. A tiny little tattoo.

A pseudo swastika.

"Tommy," she says, ignoring Maura completely, and striding over to her brother.

She yanks up his shirt sleeve."

Maura gasps, and she looks up into her brother's startled face.

"What. Is that?"

* * *

*** I didn't do anything  
**It's the truth  
***okay?**

**So...yeah. A couple of tense things happening here. Hopefully cstarj's computer is still intact, as ****_technically _****Ian did not try anything with Maura...so...that's good right?  
I think I must be super predictable. Because you guys called the railing. You called Maura not telling Ian about Jane. I'm just Super predictable...yes?**

**Also I would like to say. In no way. on this fic or my other fic, will I ever ask you for reviews in exchange for chapters. I think that's...an unfortunate way to go about writing. I am totally of the "In it to the end" camp. so...I'm sorry if any of you misunderstood my A/Ns, and felt that i was exthorting you. **

**I love your love. Your responses to my work here and on tumblr are INCREDIBLE AND I DIE.  
That's all I meant to say. **

**Is that I love...your love. **

**In a totally plationic and non creepy way...**

**Anyway...**

**ONWARD. It's getting a little tense. I'm going for the big finish.  
Can you tell?**

**happy reading!**

**tc**


	44. Chapter 44

One the fourteenth day of the Skinhead case, Percival Rodriguez gets wheeled into Maura's morgue in a body bag.

"Oh God damn it," Jane says, when she rounds the corner and sees him there. "God damn it. Seriously."

"Found him dead in the back shower. Camera was tipped up."

Jane jumps up onto a clean exam table, pushing her hair out of her face. "Well, at least now we know that the hits are being called from inside." She says this lightly, but when Maura looks at her, she knows that they both understand the gravity of the situation.

"He's going to be fine, Jane. Nothing's going to happen to him."

You feel your shoulders roll of their own accord. "I know."  
Maura clicks the pen in her hand several times, looking down at her shoes and then back up. Jane knows what's coming.

"I changed the kids' primary care doctor today," she says hopefully, "A Doctor Iannuci for the girls, and a Feldman, for the boys."

Jane nods. She does not want to discuss Ian right now. "They could have stayed," she says. "It doesn't matter to me, Maur."

Maura looks totally put out, "Yes. It does. You've been moody and distant ever since he returned the date book to my house."

Jane feels like she's been doused in cold water. She looks at Maura carefully. "Say that sentence again," she says slowly."

Maura looks at her, confused. "I said you've been upset since he returned my datebook."

"Keep going."

"To my house," Maura makes and irritable gesture, the sentence rolling off her tongue without a hitch. Jane tries to fight the fireball of anger that's in her stomach. She turns towards the door. "Call me if you get anything I should know about."

"Jane!"

"Maura. I'm not doing this now. I'm not." She pauses at the door and looks over her shoulder. Maura is looking after her, eyes wide and hurt. She sighs. "It's _our _house, Maur," she says, and Maura looks like Jane has slapped her. "or at least. It used to be." She walks away, taking the stairs so that she doesn't have to wait for the elevator.

* * *

Friday afternoon, Maura comes home to a quiet house. "Amy?" she calls out, and the perky red head appears from around the corner, Noah on her hip.

"Mommy!"

"Hi, Dr. Isles," Amy says, coming to meet her in the hall.  
Maura smiles, taking Noah from her arms. Through the doorway to the living room she can see Levi on the couch, his head buried in a book about Power Rangers. "You got him off the TV!" she says happily, hugging Noah before setting him down. "You're a miracle worker."

"Oh, no, It was Detective Rizzoli," Amy says cheerfully, "She got home about ten minutes ago, but she asked if I would stay until you got here. I think she's in the attic?"

Maura nods, trying to hide her surprise. Of the four babysitters they've picked and put on rotation, She likes Amy the best. She knows, however, that Jane prefers the grad student from Northeastern, and so she is confused as to why Jane would make Amy stay.

"Okay. Let me grab you your check and you can be on your way. Where are the girls."

"They are playing Lion King in the hall upstairs."

Maura chuckles. It's they're favorite game lately, taking their stuffed animals and holding them high overhead.

"Okay…Thank you so much for staying."

Amy smiles, taking the check and heading towards the door, "No problem. I'll see you next Friday."

.

Maura finds the girls upstairs, not playing Lion King, but sitting on the steps to the attic, listening to the faint piano music floating down the stairs.

"Mommy!"

"hi!" Sofia at least has the decency to look guilty. They know that they are not supposed to listen in on Jane when she's in the attic.

"What are you doing, ladies," Maura says, "You know Mama's attic time is off limits."

"We was just listening," Isabelle says grumpily.

"Were," Maura says automatically.

"Mama's sad, I think," Sofia says, "Listen."

They fall silent, and indeed, the song that floats down to them Maura recognizes as a very slow half minor version of Clair De Lune.

"okay," Maura claps her hands together. "We're going out to dinner."

Both faces light up. "Really?" Isabelle looks like her birthday has come early.

"Cici's? Mommy? Cici's? Can we go to CiCi's?" Sofia has leapt to her feet with excitement, and Maura chuckles, "Yes. If your brothers agree, we can go to CiCi's for dinner."

They are off down the hall very quickly, but at the top of the stairs, she sees both of them stop and grip the railing.

She shakes her head and turns to climb the attic stairs.

"Jane?"

The music stops abruptly, and after a moment, the door swings open, and there's her detective, yoga pants and a tank top.  
Maura licks her lips. "I'm going to take the kids out to CiCi's."

Jane leans against the door frame, "Okay. Give me…ten-"

"No!" Maura puts her hand on Jane's chest, "No. stay here. Have a couple hours." She looks up into her wife's brown eyes, trying to convey how she feels. Why she's doing this.

Jane takes her hand, kissing her fingers. "Text me when you're on your way back."

Maura nods, "I love you."

Jane smiles, turning away, and Maura hears her just before the click of the door.

"Double it."

* * *

Tommy does not seem to immediately grasp the gravity of the situation. Maura watches Jane roll her shoulders, frustrated.

"Two guys with that same tattoo are dead, Tommy. And the guy who did them. That means nothing to you?"

Next to him, Lydia gasps like this isn't the third time that Jane has said these exact sentences. Jane spares her one look of deepest disdain.

"I didn't know either of those dudes, Jane," Tommy says, shrugging his shoulders. "And Percival was just some guy that helped me out. I don't see what it has to do with me."

Jane rubs her face, trying to fight the frustration she feels at Tommy's blasé attitude.

"We need to tell the cops," Lydia says, sounding a little teary.

"For the 90th time," Jane says from between her fingers, She feels Maura's hand on her knee, "I _am_ the cops. Detective. Cop. Same thing." She focuses her attention on her little brother.

"T, I don't even get why you _have _a tattoo like that."

Tommy looks a little apprehensive. "I didn't need it in the beginning…but…" he shrugs, "After a while I needed protection. I needed to show that I wasn't…"

"What?" Jane asks sarcastically, "in favor of black people?"

"That I wasn't your brother!" Tommy bursts out, and then immediately he looks sorry.

Jane feels hands curl automatically. "What." She can't help that it comes out a growl.

Tommy puts his hands up, "You made detective busting that Colombian drug ring. Remember?"  
Of course she remembers. She put twenty three people behind bars, and was bitten by a suspect high on PCP. Jane nods, and her hand goes to her shoulder unconsciously.

Tommy nods too, "I was nineteen. They'd just shipped me to WCP. Do you know how many guys got put away because of that bust?" He looks down at his hands, and then back up at Jane, sighing when she continues to look confused.

"It's a little nerve-racking to hear six giant guys talking about all the ways they would murder that Rizzoli bitch, when you know that at lights out, the warden is going call roll."

For a moment, Jane doesn't understand. "I don't see what…" But then she understands. Maura's hand on her knee tightens.

"You needed protection because of me."

Tommy shrugs, "I needed protection because I was in prison," he amends, and Jane has to take a second to appreciate how far he's come. "Most of the guys out for me…once they learned my name…were Columbian…or…you know….Latino." He pauses and glances between Jane and Maura, "It just made sense to try to align myself with white power."

Jane shakes her head because it doesn't make sense. Tommy chuckles, like he can read her expression. "I mean…It made sense in prison. It made prison sense."

Lydia catches her breath, and Jane looks up at her. Tommy puts his hand on her back, rubbing in little circles. "You okay?"

She nods, "He's kicking real hard today. Feel." Tommy puts his hand on Lydia's stomach. "It's like he's pounding to come out!" she giggles, and Tommy smiles, leaning forward to press a kiss to the side of her head.

Jane rubs the back of her neck, closing her eyes for a second. Her baby brother is a man now. Thirty two, with a baby on the way. He's going to be a great father. She can't let anything happen to him.

"Jane," Maura says quietly, and when the detective opens her eyes, all three of them are looking at her. "I'm gonna put a detail on you and Lydia," she says.

Lydia looks at her in surprise, and her giant blue eyes are wide like the ocean. It wouldn't be so bad, Jane thinks, if her nephew got those eyes. "Me too, detet-deteca"

"Jane," Jane puts her hand up, "It's Jane. And of course you too."

Lydia, squeezes Tommy's arm as he helps her up off the sofa, "It's like I'm family!" she whispers as he helps her waddle to the door.

"It's not _like _anything," Maura says, holding out her coat, "Of course you're our family."

Lydia fixes her wide deer eyes on Jane, questioning.

"Yeah," Jane says, "of course," And she nearly jumps out of her skin when Lydia lets out a squeal and embraces her.

"A sister!" she says, as Tommy leads her out the door, "two sisters! I've always wanted sisters."

"You have an older sister," Jane hears Tommy say as they make their way down the side walk.

"Well, yeah…but…You know… I always wanted one that wasn't addicted to oxy."

Jane rolls her eyes as she shuts the door, and turns to look at Maura. "lovely," she says. And Maura smiles, but it is gone after a moment.

"Jane,"

Jane sighs. She knows that tone and that look. "Tonight, Maur?"

"If not tonight? then when?" Maura follows after her as Jane trudges into the living room.

"I've said I'm sorry. I've given you space to work out your feelings. I took all of our children out so that you could have some time to think. What else can I do, honey? Tell me. I'll do it."

Jane sits, bending over on the couch, pretending to take out the case file and look at it. She closes her eyes for a minute. "I know that you're sorry, Maura, and I don't need any space to work out my feelings."

There is silence, and Jane knows that Maura is waiting for her to continue. When she doesn't, the doctor makes a noise in the back of her throat, hopeless. "You're still angry at me," she says, coming to sit down next to Jane on the couch. "Jane?"

Jane nods after a moment, but she doesn't look up. It's hard to look at Maura and stay mad, and she's not done with her anger yet. "Yes. I'm still angry at you," she says simply. Maura reaches out and puts her hand on Jane's shoulder.

"Please talk to me," she says quietly, "I know this case is stressing you out. I know that you're worried about your brother. Please just…talk to me. Let me-"

But Jane pulls away and stands up. "Maura," she tries to put some warning in her voice but she knows she just sounds tired.

Maura stands up, and she's looks a little angry now, "I would never cheat on you. I would never do that to us. I cheated before because I didn't _have _you. Why would I jeopardize that?"

When Jane doesn't answer, Maura makes an impatient noise, "Look. I don't know what else you want from me in this situation. I don't-"

"But that's just it, Maura." Jane stands, pointing at her, "That's exactly what is bothering me."

Maura looks at her, confused, and Jane sighs. "You analyze every situation and you figure out what action is best for it," She takes a breath and holds up her hand, because Maura looks like she is about to defend herself. "Yes. Usually that's wonderful. It's how we managed to pick four babysitters out of the pool of twenty in under an hour last week. It's how we solve cases faster than anyone in the division…" Jane looks down at the floor. Just because she's gotten better at expressing her insecurities, doesn't mean that she enjoys doing it.

"But it also means that you leave me out. A lot."

Maura's eyes widen. "What?"

"The real estate agent. When we bought this house. You didn't tell her that I was a woman, do you remember?"

Maura frowns, thinking back. "It-it…didn't"

"Come up. I know," Jane sighs heavily, "And three weeks ago at that charity benefit your mother threw, You introduced me as Detective Jane Rizzoli….period. The parents that you meet before I do at Noah's daycare are always really shocked to meet me…" She trails off because it is becoming hard to speak, and tries to gather herself. The doctor stays silent. "Why, Maura? Why doesn't it come up? I can think of about a hundred different scenarios where you could say a sentence with revealing pronouns. 'yes, my wife is a detective' or, 'our schedules are busy, but _she's_ really looking forward to meeting you.'" Jane looks up into Maura's face, still frozen in surprise. "You love language, Maur. You love precision. You still get pissed when I call your tortoise a turtle…"

"He _is_ a tortoise." Maura says softly.

"And I _am_ your _wife_," Jane shoots back immediately. "Why is this the only thing that you are repeatedly not precise about?"

Maura bites her lip. "I…I don't know." She sounds a little teary. "I don't know, Jane."

Jane wants to go and comfort her. Hold onto her, and beg her to love her and never leave. Instead she crosses her arms over her chest. "When we were apart, you only dated men. You say that you missed me. But you didn't cheat on Garrett with a woman, Maura. You picked a man."

Maura nods, looking at the ground. For the first time in a long time…in maybe ever, Jane can tell that the doctor honestly doesn't have an answer to give her. This both reassures her and frightens her.

Maura continues to stare at the floor and her shoulders rise and fall, shrugging as she searches for words. Jane resists the urge to reach for her again.

"I-I love you."

Jane nods. "I know. And I love you too. But you need to figure this out, Maura." At her name, the medical examiner looks up, her eyes full of tears. Jane tightens her jaw. "You have to because…because it hurts."

Maura gasps a little, her hand going to her throat. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She sits down hard on the couch, and after a moment, Jane comes to sit next to her, pulling her into her arms, unable to just stand and watch her cry.

"It's okay," she says. "shh. I'm not going anywhere. I love you."

"Please," Maura says against her neck, her kisses wet and insistent between each word, "please, please please." She holds on and Jane holds back, reassuring and strong. Like always.

They are exhausted. Both of them. Lydia's baby is due in fifteen days and Tommy is in potential danger.

Percival Rodriguez is dead.

Jane is unsurprised when she feels Maura fall asleep against her, lips still mid kiss on her neck. She lifts the smaller woman into her arms like a baby, and carries her up to bed, even though it's only 9:30 at night.

...

* * *

Maura is putting plates of eggs in front of Levi and Isabelle, and walking Michael, their Saturday sitter, through how to work the oven, when Frankie calls. Jane had gone back to the precinct early, to tie up a few loose ends, and Maura had woken up alone, feeling a little hollow.

The conversation last night makes her feel like she's on uneven ground.

Frankie calls and she snatches up the phone.

"Dr. Isles."

"Hey…Maura." His tone makes her freeze.

"Frankie. What is it? What's happened?" All four of her children look around at her tone.

"Nothing…yet… I mean…Jane is fine…right now."

Maura steps into the hall, "Damnit, Frankie, spit it out."

"She's down in the Rec room. I guess Millinovich called her a bull dyke, or something…and now they are going to wrestle it out."

Maura lets out a small groan. Millinovich is almost three times Jane's size. "Stop her!"

There is silence, and Maura can see the look on Frankie's face. "Okay…Okay…Stall her?"

"I'm trying. I am really trying."

"Okay. Okay. I'm coming."

…

There are almost fifty people in the rec room when Maura pushes her way through to where Frankie is standing.

Jane and Anthony Millinovich are circling each other, and the cops around them are shouting. "Kick his ass, Janie!"

"My moneys on you Rizzoli! Show him pain!"

Maura closes her eyes for a second. Millinovich is much bigger than she remembers.

"Oh, God."

"Yeah," Frankie says, "She is not going to come out of this easily."

"She's only fighting him because we fought. Because she's worried I'm…not in love with her or something."

Frankie glances at her out of the corner of his eye, and his expression is enough to pull her attention. "What?"

"She's not worried that you don't love her," Frankie says, looking puzzled. "She's worried that Other Maura is going to appear and take over."

Maura looks at him. Blank. "Other what?"

Frankie looks a little wary, "Other Maura? You know. Straight, high society, logical Maura?" He looks at her and she just shakes her head, eyes wide. "You know…the Maura that you were while you were gone? The Maura that she thinks is starting to realize that the two of you don't belong together?"

And it clicks. Maura understands.

And before she really knows what she's doing, she is running onto the mat. In between Jane and her giant opponent, in front of fifty cops, hands out wide.

"Jane! Don't do this."

Jane's eyes are huge, her face flushed with anger, and now, embarrassment. "Maura," she hisses. "Get out of the way."

Maura nearly stomps her foot, "No! There's only one me!"

The crowd has gone deadly silent, watching the exchange like a tennis match.

"What?" Jane drops her hands, looking confused.

"I said, there is only one me. And sometimes I panic. Okay, a lot of the time, I panic. And I think. Would Detective Jane Rizzoli really want me to out her to all these people? Should I wait and tell them later? Should I let her do it? I've never been able to read people. Living people. And what if the people I talk to…what if they judge you before they even meet you? Like that awful headmistress? What if they never get to see you like I see you? Strong and smart and sweet… And that's why I don't introduce you as my wife all the time. And that's why I didn't tell Ian. It's not because I'm ashamed of you. God. I could never…It's not because I don't love you, Jane. You don't have to let this Neanderthal beat you up because you have something to prove…" Maura is breathing heavily and Jane's eyebrows are travelling further up her forehead.

"Maur,"

"No! I dated men because they were easy to be with. They didn't ask questions, or worry about how I felt. I didn't date women because I don't want women. I don't want men. I just want you. The me that there is. The only me. Just wants you."

Silence.

Behind Jane, Frost is staring at her, mouth almost to the floor.

Jane takes three quick steps up to her so that they are inches apart. "Maura, Millinovich called me a dyke, and told me that anytime I wanted to drop you off, he'd be happy to satisfy you for me," Her voice is not loud, but in the dead silence following Maura's speech, it carries clearly.

A rumble of anger passes through the other cops gathered there. "I am going to beat him like he owes me child support."

A whoop from the crowd and Frost, punching the air, "I'd do it myself if you'd let me Rizzoli!"

Maura feels herself flush crimson, she steps back next to Frankie, her face burning.

"Okay."

...

Maura is waiting for Jane in the morgue when she rounds the corner, sweaty and shiny and glowing from her victory.

"I heard from Korsak," Maura says as Jane approaches her, "Millinovich's shoulder is just dislocate-"

Her sentence is swallowed in Jane's kiss. Deep and hungry.

Maura groans.

.

They barely make it into her office, the doctor pushing Jane through the door way and kicking the door shut with her foot. She pulls her lips from Jane's long enough to turn and lock the door, spin around and pull the sweaty t-shirt up and over the brunette's head.

"Maybe we shouldn't-" Jane mumbles, but Maura steps back and pulls her own.

"Shh. Couch." Maura pushes Jane down by her shoulders, feeling the long fingers at the zipper of her skirt.

"Wait, wait, blinds," Maura says breathlessly, and she stands to pull the shades shut, while Jane wraps her arms around her from behind.

"Tell me," She growls, and goosebumps pop up all over Maura's arms. She spins in Jane's arms, gasping at teeth on her neck.  
"You're the only person I want. You're the only person I've ever wanted…God, Jane, help me." Her fingers are working at the buttons on the front of her shirt, but nothing is moving fast enough for her. She runs her hands up and down Jane's arms as the detective works the last button and pushes her shirt down over her shoulders.

"Maura," She flips her onto the couch easily, and Maura whimpers.

"It's a natural biological response. To be sexually aroused after watching your mate conquer-"

"Shut up," Jane hisses, sliding her leg between Maura's, groaning at the contact, "Did you mean those things that you said?" She rocks them, her lips on Maura's collarbone, on the frantic heartbeat below the doctors ear. "Is there only one you? Just one you who wants me?" Her hands creep up under Maura's bra.

"Oh…yesss. Yes. Yes. I love you so much."

"You don't think Millinovich could satisfy you better? Or Ian?" She doesn't slow down their pace, but Maura can hear the hint of fear in her voice, and knows that she's really asking.

She manages to open her eyes, finding dark lust filled ones looking down at her.

"Maura?" Soft and vulnerable, the doctor manages to lift her hand to Jane's face, the other in the small of her back, pulling her closer.

"Never. No. Oh God," Jane flexes against her and Maura loses her train of thought, "Our children. Our home. Our marriage." She gasps as Jane growls against her starting to lose the tempo.

"I don't want anything else…anyone else, oh, come on," she breathes. "Come on, I'm there too." She presses her lips to Jane's collar bone, and then bites down, arching upwards.

It's enough to send the brunette over the edge with a strangled moan, and Maura follows her instantly, sighing into Jane's neck.

"Jesus," Jane says after a moment, pulling back, "I have to tell Millinovich to insult you more often." But she looks down at Maura with such affection and love, that the doctor blushes.

"I'm sorry I got scared, Maura. I just can't imagine my life without you. And sometimes it feels like…you can."

Maura trails her hand up Jane's stomach, feeling it shiver under her fingers. "I had to. Once," she says quietly, "But if I had to go back now…I would die." She looks up, "I was trying to protect you."

Jane kisses her gently, "protect _us_ from now on. Okay?"

Maura smiles. "okay."

"I love you, beautiful." Jane leans down to put her forehead against Maura's.

"I love you too, pretty girl."

* * *

**Most of you were like...ooooh, Maura's gon' get it nowww. But there were a handful of you that stood up for her. I tried, sort of, to have a happy medium. Maura is a genius...but her social skills are super lacking you guys. I think we forget because we see her with Jane and Frost and Frankie. People that she sees everyday and is comfortable with. But I think in brand new situations, she would want to protect Jane. would assume that other people are going to be cruel like they usually were to her, and she doesn't want to let that happen. So she tries to protect, in her own. wrong way. **

**But I love the idea of her making a fool of herself in front of Jane's collegues.  
and Jane loves it too. Even though they will never live this down. Ever.**

Several of you are asking for a trilogy. You're not sick of this verse yet, guys? honestly? Honestly. you're not sick of this? I mean...seriously? Be honest.  
Lol. I just wrote that the way I said it (in several different intonations) but when it's just written down, I look like a crazy parrot who has a flair for the written word. lol.  
So heres some dram/fluff for you.

I have a question to pose to you all, besides the weird repetitive one above...  
I have outlined this ending three different ways. 

**If someone had to get hurt in someway. who would you assume it was going to be?  
I suppose you can answer "no one, they should coexist together like fluffy bunnies!" but I might ignore that. PM me or leave it in your review if you so choose. **

**You are all the best and I...die. at your comments.  
I die. **

**happy reading. **

**tc**


	45. Chapter 45

Jane sits back in her chair. "No way."

Frost and Korsak look at each other. "She'll have eyes all over her, Jane. You'll be there. We'll be there."

"No."

"It's the only way we know to get to him."

"There are dozens of other attractive blonde women who are _cops_."

"Jane. She's gone undercover before."

Jane bristles, pointing at her partner. "Yeah. and one of those times, she had her head smashed in and was shot."

Korsak looks down at his desk but Frost does not break her gaze. "We'd be there this time, Jane. We'd protect her."

Jane rubs her face with her hands. "No." There is nothing else to say. "No."

"We should at least ask the Doc," Korsak says, trying to sound reasonable. Jane jerks her head around to look at him, glaring.

"You know as well as I do that Maura is going to want to do this. She loves things like this." Jane clenches her fists. "No. No one asks Maura anything."

"Well...that seems counterproductive to the case." Maura's teasing voice is the last thing she wants to hear right now."

All three of them look around as the doctor enters the bullpen, and she looks between their faces with increasing confusion. But her uncertainty slides to concern when she sees Jane's face. "What is it?"

No one speaks for a moment, and Maura looks back and forth between Korsak and Frost, finally deciding to go for the younger detective.

"Barry?"

He glances at Jane, but answers, pulling up pictures on the overhead as he does. "Franco Himmel," Maura sees a bald man, blue eyed face pulled down into a glower. "Incarcerated for the past 15 years, since the age of nineteen when he was arrested for the assault and murder of Tyrique Wilson."

Maura nods. Frost glances at Jane again before moving on, "Inside, Himmel is said to run one of the most tight knit and well organized gangs in the Massachusetts Prison Ring. Between Worcester, Fall River, Pittsfield and Haverhill. He's the boss. I mean THE boss. And no one crosses him. The skin heads in his gang get complete protection, and anyone who crosses them somehow winds up dead…even if he's gotten out."

Maura glances at Jane, who is glaring at the projector. "Alright," The doctor says, "I still fail to see how this leads to a question you need to ask me."

Frost presses a button and another face pops up. "This is Benno Kaufman. He's wanted in connection to at least six murders, not including the two dead we've got..." Frost pauses and looks at Jane, "He's also Himmel's only visitor for the past two years, and he's a regular, every month on the 3rd."

Korsak sits forward, "His last visit was two days before Rodriguez was killed."

Silence falls and Maura looks from Korsak to Frost. "I still do not understand."

Frost flips through some photos, "Kaufman is impossible to get through. He's got the same entourage around him now that he did six years ago. He can smell cops from miles away. The only thing that changes about him...is his girlfriend."

At this, Frost flips through several pictures. Each one shows Kaufman with a different woman, blond, pale and leggy. Not unlike Maura.

"I see," Maura says as it clicks. "You want me to get to him."

"No." Jane stands up; her voice is firm and low. "It's not going to happen."

"Jane," Maura moves towards her, but Jane holds out her hand, walking away. "No. He's wanted for six murders, Maura. Two of them? Two of them are those women he's got on his arm," She glares at Frost, "My partner forgot to mention that part. Of course."

Frost looks a little put out, "Jane. Listen to this," he pulls something up on his computer and begins to read. "Those who falsely align with us shall be punished. The weak who do not know how to stand up for what's right will be thinned from the herd. For no matter how pure the blood, if the heart does not follow, one cannot be free." He looks up at his partner. "That's Kaufman's doctrine: The Pure of Heart." he pauses, "Your brother is in danger. We can't afford to-"

But Jane slams her hand down on the desk and turns to face him. She looks wild with anger, although Maura also recognizes her fear.

"The solution to this is not to throw more members of my family in front of dangerous people with guns."

"Jane," Maura tries again, but Jane dismisses her again with a hand, turning away, "No, Maura. No. I'm not even going to discuss this."

"The doc speaks German," Korsak speaks up from the corner, "She knows more about Neo-Nazi culture than Himmel and Kaufman put together probably. And she's not helpless,"

Maura throws Korsak a grateful glance, "and she'll have eyes on her all the time, Jane."

"It does seem to make practical sense," Maura says softly, and Jane finally stands still long enough for her to approach and put a hand on her arm, "if we want to keep your brother safe."

"I want to keep both of you safe," Jane growls. She looks into Maura's eyes. "No." she says softly, and then louder, "No. It's my case. It's my decision."

"Actually," Cavenaugh's voice rings out from behind her, "It's also my decision, detective."

Jane whirls, eyes wide, about to argue, but Maura sees her swallow whatever retort she has when she realizes who is speaking.

Cavenaugh approaches Maura, "You speak German, Doctor?"

Maura nods, and Jane feels a sinking feeling in her stomach. "Sir-"

Cavenaugh holds up his hand, "And you are familiar with this case."

"Yes sir," Maura says. "All three victims have come through my morgue."

He surveys her for a moment, thinking. Jane fidgets behind him, clearly uncomfortable. "You can shoot, can't you, Dr. Isles?"

Jane cannot be silent anymore, "Sir, Maura is not in law enforcement. She doesn't-"

"have any of the tells that a normal police officer would," He looks at Jane for a moment and then back at Maura. "It's up to you, of course, Doctor, but it does seem to be our best idea at the moment."

Jane sits down hard at a desk nearby, her face an unreadable mask. Cavenaugh turns around. "You pick the team, Rizzoli. Take eight...No. Ten."

Jane's face does not change as she looks up at Maura. The doctor feels her spine tingle.

"Yes, sir."

...

* * *

...

What happened?" Maura does not try to regulate her voice as she bursts through the swinging doors of the ER. One moment, she's kissing her wife good-bye to go home and relieve the sitter, and the next moment she's pulling an illegal U-turn on Boylston and speeding towards the hospital.

Tommy, Frankie and Frost are sitting together in the hard waiting room chairs, and all three stand when they see her.

Tommy's shirt is smeared with blood.

Maura stumbles, "What. Happened? Where is she?"

Frost reaches out to her, "She's fine. She's fine. She never lost consciousness."

Maura hears the words but they do nothing to ease the panic that's gripping her, "Korsak said shot. She got shot? Where _is _she?"

"Grazed," Frost says, but Maura glares at him and he doesn't continue.

Knowing better than to keep the doctor waiting, Frankie just points down the hall and Maura turns quickly, taking off.

The first nurse she meets tells her that she'll have to wait.

"Honestly, Jane is here enough, you'd think you would all recognize her family after a while," Maura says, frustrated. "Where is Jane Rizzoli? Which bay?"

"Ma'am, I have to ask you to wait-"

"No, I am Dr. Maura Isles. Detective Jane Rizzoli is my wife and I wish to see her right-"

"You better just let her back here, or she's going to keep yelling like that." Jane's weary voice calls out from behind a curtain, and sparing the nurse in front her one glare, Maura rushes over and pulls the curtain aside.

"Oh, Jane," Maura breathes.  
There's her detective, bare backed, holding her t-shirt to her front, one neat row of stitches across the back of her shoulder.

"It's nothing," she says quickly, "Will you please tell them it's nothing so that I can go home?"

Maura approaches her, and inspects the wound. "What happened?"

"Car pulled up, gun came out, yanked Tommy down, pushed Lydia over, did not get out of the way fast enough." She looks over her shoulder at Maura, "Is the baby okay?"

Maura shakes her head to show that she doesn't know. She'd been intent on getting to Jane.

Jane sighs, "They were aiming at Tommy."

Maura, satisfied that the stitches are done well and there is no sign of infection, leans forward to kiss the back of Jane's head.

"Damnit, Jane." She whispers, and the detective's shoulder's slump.

"Too bad my name isn't Janet," Jane chuckles, and Maura looks down at her, perplexed.

"Is that a pop culture reference?"

Jane sighs, but her voice is teasing. "Yes, doctor. I'm sorry. It's from the 70's so I thought you might know it…my apologies."

Maura does not want to tease right now; the dread that had nearly pulled her apart on the drive is still there, only eased a little bit. "Jane…"

She feels the detective pull away, like she knows what is coming. "No. Maura, please." Her voice is soft, like she's pleading. "I can't talk about this with you now."

"The shooter is still out there. He almost killed your brother…He could have killed you…or Lydia…or the baby." She's playing to Jane's weaknesses, she knows it. She doesn't care. She takes Jane's hands in her own, kissing them. "Korsak is right. I'm not helpless."

Jane colors, "I never said that you-"

But Maura cuts her off, shaking her head. "We are a team. All of us. We are family and we go to bat for each other. Didn't you say that? Isn't that what you're always teaching our children?"  
Jane is shaking her head, her face dark. "This is different."

"How? We know how to get to Kaufman. We know where he picks up his girls. We know what his type is…Jane." Maura leans closer, her forehead pressing against the detectives, "You are not the only one who can be brave. Let me go to bat for _my_ _family_."

Jane's jaw tightens in the way that tells Maura she is holding in swear words. The silence drags between them, and Maura runs her thumbs over the scars on the backs of Jane's hand. She should feel guilty for what she's doing. For pushing Jane hard right after the attempted hit, for bringing up family and babies and indirectly calling Tommy her brother.

She should feel bad, but she doesn't. She feels strong and steady and convinced. This is the right decision.

Jane shakes her head, the physical manifestation of an internal struggle. "It's too dangerous."

Maura scoffs, "More dangerous than what just happened?"

"We have a family."

"So does he."

Jane rolls her shoulders, hissing a little in pain. She tugs her hands out of Maura's to put them in her hair. Several times she looks like she would say something, but she doesn't break the silence.

Maura touches her fingers to Jane's jaw, feeling the muscles jump. "Jane."

"Maura," Jane's voice is low and fierce. Maura pulls back to look into her eyes, brown and ferocious. Jane takes a deep breath. "You matter most, Maura. _You._"

The words are even and slow, and both women feel them like the truth. Hard and unfair, perhaps, but undeniable; and when Maura studies Jane's face, she realizes that her wife has looked for a way around this fact…and hasn't been able to find one.

"But he matters too, Jane." She does not say that Tommy matters most to Lydia, or that there is an unborn child that should not grow up without a father. Both of these things go without saying.

Jane growls, but when she looks up her face is set. "Tell Cavenaugh you'll do it with a team of twelve. A team that _I _okay," Jane says this like the words are physically hurting her. "I have to okay every single one of them, gun test them if I need to, or no deal."

Maura leans down and presses her lips to Jane's. A thank you and an 'I love you' and an 'it's okay' rolled into one feeling. One quick contact of skin on skin.

"I love you," Maura says, and she pulls back to help Jane into her t-shirt.

"I love you so much. Everything is going to be fine."

* * *

**THIS DOES NOT COUNT AS A CLIFFHANGER. lol. I'm sorry friends, but I don't want to give you a cliffhanger at all through these last couple chapters, so I'm trying to space it out accordingly, which means you get this little set up teaser before shit hits the fan. **

**Also, thank you ALL SO MUCH for your input. I took it all into account...seriously. I took almost all of your suggestions (except for the one that said Noah should get hurt...lol) which is why you have this dramatic shiz happening. I hope that it lives up to the scenes that are playing out in my head...but...we'll see.**

Trilogy desicion is still up in the air. I have to do some brainstorming to see if I could make anything worth reading...I'll keep you posted...

**anyway. Maura's going undercover.  
what could go wrong?**

**happy reading. **

**tc**


	46. Chapter 46

They lighten her hair. Jane watches Maura wash her golden brown coloring away in the sink and she feels like part of her heart is swirling down the drain with the suds. Maura glances up at her in the mirror.

"Jane. Stop looking like I've taken all the happiness out of the world," She says gently, "It's just a hair color. As soon as this is over, I'll put it back."

Jane shrugs and tries to act like it doesn't bother her, like she hasn't been sitting with a sense of dread and foreboding in her stomach for forty eight hours. "You look different," She says simply.

Maura frowns, "That's the point, Jane. You don't want me to get found, do you?"

Jane's stomach hurts too much for her to roll her eyes. "It's get made, Maur. And you know I don't"

"Hand me the contact case." Maura turns back to the mirror. Jane does, watching Maura insert the little lenses into her eyes.

When she turns around and smiles at Jane, the detective has to forcibly make her face muscles return the gesture. Her wife stands in front of her, blue eyed and bleach blonde. Jane could pass her on the street and not know it.  
Maura's smile slips into one of alarm as she looks at Jane. "Honey! Don't cry!" She steps forward to embrace Jane tightly.

The brunette swipes at the runaway tear. She'd been unaware she was crying. "Maura," she says, and if she closes her eyes and buries her face in the familiar neck, then she can take comfort from the hug, like she usually does. "Maura. Don't do this. Please. Don't do this." Her voice is hoarse. She's not above begging, not this time. "You're deliberately putting yourself in danger. You made me promise when we had the girls never to do that." She tightens her grip on her wife. "_Please._ Whatever is making you feel like you have to do this. _Please _just talk to me about it. Please don't do this."

Maura pulls back to look at her and Jane has to look away. That is not her wife.

"Jane. It's going to be alright. I trust you and Frankie and Korsak and Frost." She rubs her hands up and down Jane's arms. "I trust Leighton and Silas and the half dozen others you've chosen to protect me." She pulls on Jane's chin so that they are eye to eye. With Maura's hand on her skin, looking deep into her eyes, it is just possible to see her wife behind the deep blue irises. "I love you."

Jane presses her forehead against Maura's. She closes her eyes and tries not to start crying again. She cannot shake the feeling that she's not going to see this woman again.

"I love you too."

…

Frost doesn't recognize her when they come into the station. He glances at Jane's hand in the small of Maura's back and then holds out his hand.

"Detective Frost," He says, his polite smile slipping into confusion when Maura starts to laugh, looking at Jane.

"Well we know it works, at least," she says, starting to chuckle again at Frost's look of shock. "Detective Frost. Nice to meet you. My name is Mila Benkowski."

Barry nods, looking her up and down. "Yeah. I'd say that's about right." He glances at Jane who's face has not changed from its blank and unreadable expression. "Okay…Rodecker's waiting in the tech room with your wire," He says uncertainly, and Maura gives Jane one quick kiss before heading off.

"She's doing this," Frost says quietly, and it's not quite a question, but it is a thousand questions.

Jane sighs. "She's doing this."

Frost puts his hand on her shoulder, "You've got the best fucking team in the nation. You gun tested seven of them and four of them are you me, Frankie and Korsak…which leaves Silas. And you'd put your life in Silas' hands just as quickly as mine."

Jane nods, rolling her shoulders.

"Hey," she looks into his face, and he smiles reassuringly. "We're all going to come home."

* * *

_"You speak, we can hear you" _

_"I know, Detective." _

_"Frost, Frankie and Korsak and I are going to take the third shift. But I'll be there most of the day." _

_"You should relieve the sitter at the same time. Be with the kids until Angela comes." _

_Jane nods curtly. "You remember the words?" _

_"This place is lovely, means I've got the evidence I need. What model is that, means I see the gun that killed our first two victims." _

_Jane waits, but Maura's eerie fake blue eyes just continue to stare at her. "And?" _

_"And…"  
"Would you get me a drink, means you've been made. C'mon Maur!"_

_"Jane," Maura puts her hand on Jane's chest. "Sweetheart." But Jane pulls Maura to her, pressing her lips against hers.  
"Please." Her heart has not slowed down in days. "Be safe." _

_Maura gives her a squeeze. "Love you, pretty girl." _

_Jane sighs heavily. "You too, beautiful."_

* * *

_..._

...

Jane has a tail. She realizes it in a bodega six blocks away from the building where Maura is attending her first white power meeting on the arm of its president. He'd picked her out of the ten dancers almost immediately. Beckoning her over to his table and speaking to her in German. She answered, flirting, and he'd requested she sit at his table for the remainder of the afternoon.

They'd done dinner, and Maura had refused to drink out of a water glass that had been filled by a well placed Latino bus boy. Benno Kaufman's eyes had lit up.

Jane puts down the magazine she's been pretending to read, watching the tall pale youth a couple feet down from her watch her out of the corner of his eye.

A tail. Her stomach lurches. She heads to the front and pays for her coffee quickly, walking out of the store.  
The boy follows her. He follows her closely, turning when she does. Following her down a back alley. Jane takes a deep breath.

In one swift movement, she has dropped her coffee into the trash and whirled, drawing her gun. She aims it directly between the pale boys eyes.

"Boston Police. Why are you following me?" She growls.

The boy smiles, "You do not want to shoot me, Detective Rizzoli." His accent is thick, but she still starts at his words. "How do you know my name?" her gun doesn't move.

"I know a very lot about you…Your family…your doctor." He smiles wider. Jane's blood runs cold. "Do not worry. He does not want to kill her. She is beautiful. And he feels that he would be able to…how do you say it…correct, her _illness_."He gestures at Jane, and smirks.

Jane works hard to keep her fury in check. "What do you want?"

"It's obvious, right?" He puts his hand in his pocket. "We want your brother." He pulls his phone out, and Jane's hand twitches on the trigger. He looks at his watch. "He is expecting my call…any moment, Detective. You did not think I was so bad at following you as to let myself be seen so obviously." He sneers. "You do not have a lot of time to make this decision…Your lover or your brother."

Jane's stomach lurches, "Neither," she growls. "I don't negotiate."

He looks mildly impressed, but his smile does not waver. "Pity. I did not want to kill you too."

Jane raises an eyebrow. "You're missing a weapon."

The boy nods. "I am," He points behind her, "He is not."

Jane barely turns halfway around before a something hard and flat and blunt connects with the side of her head.

.

The pain is blinding, shooting through her entire body like lightening. It is just some buried form of muscle memory that forces her to hold onto her gun as she falls.

Half seeing, her brain screaming. She takes one shot. Rolls. Takes another.

And passes out on the pavement.

.

Jane rolls over, groaning. Her head pounding, shoulder aching. She opens her eyes and looks around. The boy with the cell phone is lying a couple feet away, unmoving. Dead.

She looks behind her. There are blood stains leading back to the main road.

"Fucking shit," She says, standing up, waiting for the world to stop spinning. She is surprised to find her gun still by her. Her phone and radio still strapped to her belt.

_Maura!_

She grabs her phone, speed dialing her brother, who she knows is sitting in his car outside of the meeting, probably wondering where she is.  
"Rizzoli," His voice is bored.

"She's made!" There are tons of other words she wants to say. "Frankie, get Frost. Get Maura. Call back up. She's made. Get in there!"

"Jane?" His voice goes from zero to panic in the space of her name. "What? What-"

"Frankie! He knows it's Maura. Get her! GET HER OUT OF THERE!" She wants to yell more, but what she hears in the background stops all thought processes.

In the background where Frankie is, two gunshots. Someone yells.

"No!" Jane ends the call. And starts to run.

….

* * *

….

She gets to the building the same time the SWAT teams and the ambulances do. The same time that four police cars of back up arrive. She sprints past them. Intent on nothing but getting into the building, on killing anyone who puts a hand on her partner or her brother or her wife…Oh God.

She speeds up, heart pounding in her ears, eyes focused on nothing but the entrance to the building. She doesn't see Cavenaugh leap from a car and move to head her off.  
"Stand down, Rizzoli. You've got a nasty head wound there. You're not going in like that. Or without a vest." She pulls up short, her hand shooting to her forehead and she winces when her fingers make contact.

"She's been made, sir. We've got to get her out of there. My brother, my part-" But at that moment, the building in front of Jane erupts in the sound of gunshots and yelling.

Cavenaugh and Jane both duck down, as two of the second floor windows shatter.

Jane's heart is going to beat out of her chest. Another flurry of shots. More yelling.

Jane lunges towards the building and Cavenaugh grabs her around the waist.

"RIZZOLI."

The sound that comes out of Jane's mouth is half scream, half shout of desperation. She fights, not caring that it's her boss or that her head is pounding or that blood is running down her face.

Her partner. Her brother. Her… "MAURA!" she's screaming. "Maura!"

"Rizzoli! Stand down. That's an order." Cavenaugh's voice barely breaks the surface of her consciousness. She spins, panting, catching him in the jaw with an elbow. He lets her go, staggering backwards, and she points at him. Breathing hard.

"That is my wife and my partner and my BROTHER in there. If anything has happened to them I will have your job and your pension you bastard. I _knew_ we shouldn't have… I will END you, sir, and the only thing you'll be fit for when I'm done is to keep my motherfucking boots shiny."

She spins, feeling for her gun, and is about to run towards the door, to go find her family, when she hears someone shouting her name.

"Rizzoli!" It's Korsak. She spins looking around for the sound, "Jane!"

"Korsak!?" She runs around a SWAT van that's blocking her vision to the left and there he is. He's limping towards her, hair a mess, face as red with blood as hers must be…and over his shoulder…an unconscious Barry Frost.

The medics are on them in a second, and as Jane approaches them, one of the EMT's grabs her shoulder, forcing her down onto the back ramp of an ambulance. "Frost!" She cries, reaching out and grabbing the only part of him that she can reach. His hand. "Frost…Korsak?"

Korsak slumps down next to her. "It's a through and through," he says, his voice muffled as she pulls him into a one armed hug. "Right through the thigh. He's okay. He's gonna be okay…" She releases him, standing and almost shoving the EMT that's trying to fix her head out of the way. She squeezes Frost's hand and, after what feels like an eternity, he squeezes back.

Honey colored eyes open and look around, finally focusing on her.

"Hey. Partner," Jane has tears in her eyes, "Hey. Brother. Brother. You're alright. You're going to be okay."

He blinks, and an EMT near his head says they need to get him to the hospital. "Jane." His voice is reedy. "Yeah. I'm here. I'll call Alissa for you," As she says it, an invisible knife turns in her stomach. _Maura. Frankie._ Seeing Frost injured had driven everything from her mind for a moment. "You're going to be okay. It's a through and through."

He closes his eyes. "Hurts like a bitch." He whispers, before they push him up and into the ambulance.

She turns to find Korsak, sitting, letting them doctor him. He meets her eyes.

"Maura-"

He looks at him and she can read it in his eyes. "I don't know. Frankie got the call from you and took off. The gun shots…Frost went in I went after him. Leighton went down…." His eyes are wet. "I never saw her. I…I don't know, Jane."

She can't breathe. She's lost the ability to form any type of coherent thought. She's just turning again, just about to try again to get into the building again, when for the second time…Someone calls her name.

.

She seems to round the ambulance in slow motion, and although her eyes take in the two people in front of her for several seconds, it's as though her brain cannot compute what she's seeing.

Frankie is staggering towards her, Maura in his arms like a little girl, her head tucked against his chest, her eyes closed.

Blood is coming from his shoulder, and his bicep, and the way he stumbles and almost falls…she knows that he's been shot in the leg too.

She's yelling and running before she knows what the words out of her mouth are, closing the distance to her brother and wife in six short sprints, as Frankie sinks to his knees in front of her.

He lays Maura down on the ground at Jane's feet.

"I need medical over here!" Jane's ears catch up with her voice. "I need a Bus NOW!"

Maura stirs, her head rolling against the pavement. She opens her eyes. "Jane." The EMTs are on them immediately, and they lift her and Frankie onto gurneys, wheeling them quickly towards the ambulances.

"Janie." Frankie's voice is almost non-existent. She manages to squeeze herself in between the EMTs at his side.  
"I'm here, buddy. I'm here. It's okay."

He's pale and wheezy. She knows that look. "I brought her back for you." He shuts his eyes tight as one of the EMTs presses against the gunshot wound in his shoulder.

Jane is crying immediately. "Oh, you total asshole idiot. What did you do?"

"I brought her…" His head falls back, eyes fluttering.

"NO!" Jane has never felt panic like this. "Frankie. Stay with me. Just stay with me, brother okay?"

"I love.."

"NO. You shut up. Don't you fucking say anything. Just hold my hand. I'm right here okay? Just hold my hand.

"Tell Ma-"

Jane wipes at her tears with her free hand. They come away pink, "I'm not telling Ma anything," she says fiercely. "You tell her your fucking self. Frankie. Hang on. Please."

"I'd do anything for you, Janie."

God damnit. She's going to lose her brother. She glances up, to the other gurney, where Maura's arm is being stabilized. Her eyes are open. Alert. They catch Jane's.

"Maura," Frankie coughs and it's blood.  
"She's fine," Jane looks back down at her brother. White as a sheet. "She's okay. You did such a good job. You are amazing and wonderful. I am so…so proud of you."

"I'd do…I'd…My big sister…took care of me."

The EMTs reach the nearest ambulance and one of them pushes her back so that they can load her brother into the van. She can still hear him, mumbling. "I brought her back for you…I brought."

One of the EMT's turns and extends a hand, "You riding along?"

She doesn't have to think. She reaches out. "Yes," She says, and the EMT pulls her up, slamming the doors behind her.

* * *

...

Frankie crashes twice in the ambulance and again on the operating table.

His blood pressure does not come up. His lung will not reflate.

Jane paces the waiting room. Visits Frost. Calls Alissa and Angela and Constance. Tommy and Lydia at their safe house. When she gets there, Jane brings Alissa in to see Frost, and watches for a moment as the woman cries against his chest. Frost moves his hand through her hair groggily, murmuring.

.

She sits. Korsak comes to sit next to her, and they don't speak for a long time.  
She doesn't know how much time goes by before she hears the unmistakable sound of her mother, storming down the hallway. Screaming her name.

She shuts her eyes tight. Waiting. "JANE!" Her mother bursts into the waiting room. "JANE!"  
Jane stands slowly, Korsak's hand steadying her by the elbow. She turns to face her mother.

Angela searches her daughters face, and her eyes well with tears.

"What…What happened? Is he? Where?" She looks around at the waiting room. Just Jane and Korsak. Her face gets paler.

Jane cannot stand it anymore. She holds out her hands. "Mama I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to send him in there. He's my brother. I would never put him in danger for anything, Mama. Please…Please." She's sobbing in front of a full nurses station and she doesn't care. She knows her mother is going to yell at her. Blame her. She knows if her brother dies, they will never be the same again. She will never be the same again.

Guilt might be crushing her. It might actually be crushing her internal organs.

Angela Rizzoli stares at the woman coming apart in front of her. She stares for a long, long minute. And then she rushes forward and embraces her daughter.

"he's going to be alright," She says, and when her daughters legs give way, she lowers them slowly to the floor of the waiting room. "He's going to be alright. No one is blaming you. _I'm _not blaming you. You a good girl and your a wonderful sister. Frankie knows that. He'll be okay. He'll come back. I'm not blaming you, sweetheart."

Jane registers this sentence, but has a hard time processing it. She pulls back to look at her mother. Angela cups her daughter's head in her hands.

"I'm _not_ blaming you," she repeats. Jane starts to cry again, holding tighter to her mother.

Angela looks around. "Janie. Jane, honey. Where's Maura?" The question reaches Jane through a haze of grief and terror. But the response doesn't come from her.

"I'm here."

Jane pulls away and whirls towards the voice. Maura is standing in the doorway, bleach blonde, but green eyed. Her arm is in a blue plaster cast, and she's bruised down into her neck. "I'm-I'm here. I'm…not hurt." She says this almost like a whisper. Guiltily.

Jane stands and moves towards her, unsure if she wants to hold her or hit her. Cry or Curse. She is unsure if she's ever been more angry or terrified or relieved to see anyone… Ever. Maura seems to recognize the indecision in Jane's eyes, but she doesn't back away. She waits, wincing slightly when Jane pulls her into a rib cracking hug.

She gasps a little. Relieved that all the detective seems to want to do to her is hold on.

Hold on and whisper her name into the doctor's neck over and over and over again.

Maura holds back as tightly as she can. Until she feels Jane start to shiver with a new round of tears, and then she pushes back, so she can kiss them away as they fall.

"He's going to be alright," she says. She does not say that he took three bullets that should have been hers. She does not say that she watched them tear through his skin. She kisses her wife again. "He's going to be okay. He will."

Jane clings to her. Seems unable to say anything but her name.

.

"Francis Rizzoli Jr.?" The doctor has appeared in the door without anyone noticing.

"Yes," Korsak says standing up. "That's us."

The Doctor looks down at his chart. "He's out of surgery. We managed to get his pressure up and his collapsed lung under control. It looks like he's going to make it. It will be a long, long night. But he's going to make it."

Maura feels Jane slide out of her arms to sit down in one of the chairs. She buries her head in her hands.

Maura sits next to her, reaching out to put her hand on the back of the brunette's neck.

"don't _touch_ me." Jane's voice is a deep angry growl, that makes Maura jerk away like she's been burned. She looks around at Angela, whose hand tight in Korsak's.

She gestures that Maura should try again, and when Maura puts her hand on Jane's neck this time, the detective just shudders and bends further forward.

"Would one of you like to see him? He can have visitors. One at a time."

Angela looks at Jane, who hasn't moved, then stands. "I'll be back, Janie okay?"

The detective barely moves. With a worried look at Maura, Angela follows the doctor out of the room.

"Jane, I-" Maura starts after a moment, but Jane jerks, shaking her head.

"No." she says, her voice the same deep growl. "No. Just…not now, Maura."

And the Doctor nods, and settles for just running her hand up and down the detective's spine. She settles for leaning down and kissing the back of the dark head.

For whispering. "I'm here."

* * *

**HOLY MIXED REVIEWS. some of you were like, this is the stupidest thing that's ever happened why are you doing this. Some of you were like...um...she's going to get made immediately. Someone was like. CAN WE PLEASE KICK CAVENAUGH IN THE BALLS? I don't think any of you thought her going undercover was a good idea. And now...we know why.  
I hope I covered most of your questions. But let me preempt some that I know are coming. **

**YES. I know Tommy was nowhere near any of this when everything hit the fan. I KNOW some of you will think that's bull. Jane agrees with you.  
Are some of you blaming Maura? That's okay. That's sort of my intention.  
Do you still hate Cavenaugh? Good. also my intention.  
Did you see ANGELA'S AMAZING MOMENT IN THERE? yeah. it happened.  
You never told us about what happened to Benno! yeah. I know.**

**AND WHAT ABOUT THE BABY LYDIA IS ABOUT TO BLOW.  
yeah..I know. **

**There's still a whole...3 (five? It might actually outline to five...) chapters left! be patient. **

**I hope you guys liked it. That it wasn't too much angst for you. That you will continue to tell me what you think. PMs that make me scroll and scroll and scroll are like music to me. Even (maybe espcially) when they are titled YOU SUCK AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY. lol. **

**your support blows me away. As does your critisim. makes me better. **

**read on ya'll. See you tonight for the moment and tomorrow for the next ch. **

**happy reading. **

**tc**


	47. Chapter 47

**Failed Sting Leaves Several Wounded. Police Chief Faces Suspension**

_The unlikely hero in today's story is Officer Francesco Rizzoli Jr. who took three non-fatal bullets and was still able to carry a civilian to safety. When asked about his heroic action, Officer Rizzoli remained humble until the end. "It was my job. I did it." It's clear that Officer Rizzoli is following in the footsteps of his older sister (Det. Jane Rizzoli), who was working the operation with her brother, and was injured in a related shooting at a bodega seven blocks from the scene. Detective Barold Frost and Officer Jennifer Silas also sustained gunshot wounds to the thigh and shoulder respectively. _

_The intended target in the undercover operation, Benno Kaufman, is said to have been wounded, but not apprehended. When the shooting broke out, Kaufman was able to flee with several of his cohorts out a side door. _

_Although unavailable for comment, it is clear that much of the blame is being put on Police Chief Sean Cavenaugh, who is said to have ordered to operation without the proper research. Lieutenant Cavenaugh is facing suspension pending a hearing and many in and out of the department are calling for-_

"Ugh, no more. I can't listen to any more about fucking Cavenaugh." Frankie lies back against his pillows, shutting his eyes. "Why can't they just fire him and get on with it."

Jane folds the newspaper and looks at her brother. "You just got bored because it wasn't talking about you anymore."

Frankie chuckles, but he looks pleased, and Jane feels her chest loosen a little bit. She knows that her brother is enjoying being in the spotlight. She doesn't blame him. "And it must be doubly gratifying," she presses, smirking, "to see that the only mention your sister got is to point out that she was smacked in the head by a two by four."

Frankie looks at the scar along Jane's forehead, scabbed over, no stiches. "Did anyone ever look at that?" he asks, "You probably should have gotten stiches."

Jane waves him away nonchalantly. "That reporter was into you," she says, setting the paper aside, "That was an awful long conversation for that one little quote."

Frankie flushes, but his smile stays put. Jane laughs. It has been almost a week since the failed sting, and her brother is recovering well. Jane and Angela rotate time spent with him, although Frankie tries to get them both to go home every time they show up.

"Shoulder hurts like a bitch," He says now, massaging it with his good hand. "This hero thing is painful."

Jane chuckles again, "I have been telling you that forever. Maybe now you'll listen to me."

Frankie throws the top from his yogurt at her, wincing a little. "I always listen to you," he jokes, "Just don't always believe you." He focuses on the lunch in front of him for a moment, and Jane feels something sharp and hard in her stomach.

_I always listen to you_. "Frankie."

He looks up at her with a reproachful expression, recognizing her tone immediately. She's been trying to have this conversation with him ever since he's been awake and lucid, and he's blocked her at every turn.

"Uh Uh," he says, using his good arm to swat at her.

Jane pushes, "No…I want to…You know that I would never ask you…I didn't. I wasn't…" Jane tries unsuccessfully to fill in the empty spaces with her hands.

"Jane," Frankie rolls his eyes. "Shut-up."

"No!" Jane colors, leaning back in her seat, "Frankie, you almost-"

"Jane!" It's the loudest she's heard him and he immediately starts coughing. She moves to the side of his bed, helping him sit up and rubbing his back. When the coughing fit dies down, he leans back again, looking at her. "It's my job, Janie," he says into the silence. And he holds up his hand as she starts to argue, "You think that it's your job to look after everyone, but it's not. It's my job to look after you, too."

Jane smiles at his stubborn face. "It's my job," He says, "I did it."

For a second they are silent, Frankie looking away, Jane studying his face. And then she reaches into her back pocket and pulls out her wallet. She takes a twenty from the bill fold and sets it on the table.

"When you get out of here, go to the movies…take the reporter. On me?"

Frankie grins like a little kid.

"I would bring Maura to you more often if it meant cash money," He says softly.

Jane ruffles his hair.

* * *

…

Jane watches Isabelle chase Levi across the playground, yelling at her brother to slow down. "Lee it's not fair your longer!" she cries, but she puts on a burst of speed and manages to almost catch up with him.

"She is really fast."

Maura looks up from feeding pieces of snow cone to Noah. She smiles, "I know…it's interesting to see pieces of our children that didn't come from us."

Jane looks at her, "What are you talking about? You're very coordinated."

Maura nods lifting Noah onto her lap with her good hand. "Yes. But not in that way. Not in an athletic setting."

"You can beat me at tennis."

Maura chuckles. A real laugh, "A monkey could beat you at tennis Jane. You don't have the patience."

Jane smiles, her hand automatically shooting out to catch a piece of snow cone that falls from Noah's mouth before it can land on her wife's cream colored blouse. She looks up, keeping an eye on Sofia who is playing in the sandbox, oblivious to the shouts of her sister and brother.

The silence is not completely uncomfortable, but it is definitely not the kind of companionable silence that either woman is used to with the other.

Jane rubs at her head unconsciously. It has been aching dully for the past six days, sometimes crescendoing up to excruciating throbbing in the middle of the night, but Jane has largely been able to ignore it.

"You head hurts?" Maura's voice is soft. This qualifies as speaking about the what happened, and both women know that the fight they haven't had yet is lurking just under the surface.

"Not badly." This is half of a lie. It hurts more than usual today.

"You should have gotten stitches. Maybe we should have it checked-"

"It's fine, Maur," Jane says quietly, and she grits her teeth a little as pain shoots across her forehead. "It won't scar that bad anyway," she tries out a smile, "And I'm going for a sort of Potterish style this summer anyway."

Maura looks blank and Jane recognizes that look as the one her wife gets when she's trying to match a sentence with something in her giant brain that makes sense.

Her face registers recognition after a second, "Ah," she says, smiling slightly, "Harry. With his scar like lightening." She reaches out and puts her hand on Jane's chin turning her head towards her.  
Jane doesn't mean to flinch, but it happens anyway. She watches Maura's face register hurt for half a moment, before she forces herself to smile. "It's not the right shape. I suppose it could be a sideways…if you squint-"

Jane leans forward and presses her lips to Maura's mid-sentence, catching her off guard. When she pulls away, Maura's eyes are wide and surprised, and while she doesn't look angry, she does look confused…and a little upset.

"Ma," Noah says, holding out his hands for her, And Jane obliges, taking Noah from Maura's arms and standing up. She doesn't want to look back into her wife's face. To see what's written there. The past week has been like this, uncomfortable and uneven, and Jane knows that it is mostly her fault. She hasn't been able to decide if she's angry or relieved. If she wants to hold onto the doctor, or spend time away from her. It results in her doing things like what she has just done, snapping at her wife and then trying, clumsily, to make up for it.

Their longest conversations revolve around the children, and Jane has the feeling they are both working hard to keep it that way. Neither is ready for the fight.

"Mommy!" Sofia calls out from the sandbox, "Mommy. Come help me."

Maura doesn't immediately turn to her daughter, but continues to watch Jane's face with the same confused expression, as the detective focuses on her daughter. "What do you say, Fia?"

A pause. "Mommy, _please_ come help me."

Jane half smiles and looks down at Maura, eyebrows raised, and Maura turns, standing too.

"Okay, growly girl, okay. Here I come."

...

_Mama loves me yes it's true. And my mommy loves me too. Mama and Mommy love each other. Aren't I lucky to have to mothers._

Jane feels Maura looking at her during the song, but she focuses on the two little girls giggling at her from the bottom bunk. On the dark freckly boy grinning down from up above her.

_Sister loves me mighty fine. Her skin's a different shade than mine. And so is my baby brother's, we're a grand bouquet of rainbow colors…_

She smiles as the song comes to an end standing up and turning around so that Levi can attach himself to her back. She turns to face the girls as Maura lifts Isabelle up into her bed.

"Good night, pretty minis. Mama loves you to the end of the universe and back."

"Do you mean to the end of the milky way mama? The universe don't end." Sofia snuggles under the covers, closing her eyes as Maura kisses her.

"Then my love goes on forever, just like the universe," Jane says, chuckling. "Good night nug."

"Night. Night Levi."

Jane blows a kiss to Isabelle as she snuggles down up above her sister, "Good night golden girl,"

"Night. Night Levi"

"Nighty night," Levi calls, and Jane piggy backs him out of the room and down the hall.  
She plops him into his bed and helps him climb under the covers. "Is mommy mad at me?" He whispers as she leans to kiss him. Jane frowns, "No. Not at all. Why would she be?"

"I don't know. Sometimes she looks at me like she is. Since her arm got hurt." Jane forces herself to smile. "No. Mommy loves you. Just like I do." She kisses him again, "Sleep tight honey, You're going to hang out with Gramma tomorrow."

Levi closes his eyes as Jane heads to the door. She passes Maura in the hall on her way to Levi's room and she catches her arm as they pass. "Lee thinks you're upset with him," she whispers and Maura's eyebrows shoot up. She nods but doesn't answer and continues on. Jane hears her say "Hey there, sweetheart…" before she turns into her own bedroom.

.

Maura joins her after she's in bed; Jane feels the other side of the bed dip as the doctor makes herself comfortable. They lie together, not speaking for a long, long time, and although she's not an expert on breathing, she does not think that Maura is asleep.

She rubs at her head. "Am I losing you?" her whisper is quiet enough that if Maura is asleep, she won't wake, but she feels her wife tense, and Jane knows that she has heard.  
"I know we have to talk about it. I know you're dying to talk…I just can't yet, Maur. I'm so conflicted. I'm so angry and scared and relieved and scared…" She pauses, but no reply comes. Jane wills away tears. "But I don't want to lose you…I _can't_ lose you. God…If you could just give me a little more-"

But Maura rolls over, throwing her leg over Jane's waist and kissing her, the hand that is not in plaster sliding into her hair, pinning her to the pillow.

They don't talk. Jane's hips buck up against Maura's as the doctor bites at the skin under her ear, drags her teeth down her slender neck.

The detective sits them up and they part long enough for her to rid both of them of their t-shirts.  
Maura pushes her back down, and with one supremely coordinated hand she pulls Jane's boxers down her legs.

"What-" But Maura shakes her head, and kisses her again, starting to move against her. Jane just manages to suppress a groan.

So they don't talk, just move against each other with increasing urgency, gasping and panting, pressing their hips together harder and harder. Jane has the feeling that she is holding on for her life. That if she lets go the space between them will grow and grow, until they can barely see each other anymore.

Maura starts to shake against her. She bites down hard on Jane's collarbone, "come," she growls against the brunette's ear, "with me…please…" She flexes her hips once more and tenses, hissing and curling, and Jane obeys, although she couldn't have resisted if she'd wanted to. She arches upwards, shuddering, and Maura muffles her whine with her mouth, before they collapse against each other, breathing hard.

Maura puts her forehead against Jane's, her chest rising and falling heavily. "Tell me….You're not going to walk away from me," Maura says between breaths. "Tell me…that when it gets hard…like this…You'll stay."

Jane runs her hands up and down Maura's back, slender and muscled. "I'm staying right here."

"You're angry with me." Maura licks her lips, trying to catch her breath, and Jane shivers a little.  
"Yeah. But I'm not going anywhere."

"I want to talk to you about it."

Jane nods, which makes Maura's head nod too. "Okay."

"You can have a little more time. If you need it."

Jane opens her eyes and looks into Maura's. "Thank you."

"Not a lot," She says and there's the hint of a smile on her face.

"Tomorrow," Jane says, and this time, when she presses her lips to Maura's the other woman responds.

"Tomorrow."

* * *

…

But it's three days and fight about pacifiers that leads them to the actual fight. Tommy and Lydia are still hidden away in their safe house down outside of Quincy, and Maura is gathering things together for a gift basket. Lydia is two days past her due date, and according to increasingly frequent texts from Tommy, hot and uncomfortable.

Maura decides she is going to visit them and check up on Lydia.

Jane is with her in the kitchen. She doesn't want Maura to go.

"Does Tommy even deserve all of this stuff," she holds up a 6 pack of pacifiers. "He almost got everyone killed."

"Jane, honestly, you cannot blame your brother for what happened. He protected himself in prison. You can't fault him for that."

"I don't fault _him._" Jane mutters, realizing instantly that her voice is too loud not to be heard, _and_ that her tone is not going to be received warmly.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Maura's voice is already icy. Like she's been waiting.

Jane shrugs, not sure if she's ready. "You blame me," Maura says, and it's not a question.

Jane is about to deny this, but she looks up into her wife's face and for a moment all she can see is her brother staggering towards her. All she can feel is that hollow empty grief when she had looked at the doctor and _known_…that she was dead.

"Yes," she says firmly. "I blame you. And Cavenaugh and Tommy and me…And _you._" Jane was not anticipating how good it would feel to say that. "What were you thinking, Maura? What would possess you to hurl yourself into danger like that? I _begged_ you not to."

"Oh, so when you do it, it's totally normal, and I am not supposed to ask you not to…but when I do it, I'm being reckless. I'm supposed to listen to you when you _tell_ me not to?"

Jane's eyes are wide, "What?"

"I begged you not to go in on the Union robbery last month. _Please Jane do not do this._" Her air quotes are so angry that she could set the space around her on fire. "You could have been killed just as easily as I could have. So what's the difference?"

Jane looks incredulous, "It's my JOB, Maura. It's my _job_ to do those things. And I have been much less 'reckless' since the girls were born. Since before we were _married_ really. And no one got hurt in that stand-off. No one almost _died! _We did everything-"

"So _that's _where this is coming from." Maura laughs a little crazily. "You blame me for what happened to Frankie."

Jane glares, but does not deny it. Maura shakes her head, "You blame me for your brother doing one of the most heroic, selfless things that-"

"He SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO, MAURA." Jane yells, "He shouldn't have had to take three bullets for you. Neither of you should have been there at all." Jane rubs at her head, "Fucking Cavenaugh."

Maura stares, "So it's okay, for you to put yourself in harm's way again and again. For your wife and your children to worry about you and for your brother to play your back up and your stooge, but when all of that gets turned on its ear. When you're not the hero anymore-"

Jane slams the table so hard that her hand bounces back. She turns it into pointing immediately. "Don't you fucking dare." She says, and Maura puts her hands up. "You think I do what I do for the adrenaline rush? You think I'm chasing a high?"

Maura shakes her head, turning away. "No," she concedes. "No. I don't…I'm sorry."

Jane drops her hand. For a moment they stand, Jane looking at Maura's back.  
"I'm right here. I'm not running." Jane spreads her hands out. "But I don't understand. Help me understand," Jane says, "Why you _wanted_ to do it."

Maura rubs her hands over her face. "I couldn't see any other way to keep you alive."

Jane scoffs, "So you put your _own_ life in danger? You would _die_ if it meant that no one would maybe shoot at me again?"

"Yes. If it had to be that way," Maura's voice has dropped several notches, "Yes."

Silence.

Jane sits down hard on the stool at the breakfast bar, the combined weight of this confession and the thought of losing her wife knocking her off her feet. She looks at Maura, recognizing that she should go to her.  
She can't even move. "Wha?" Her mouth doesn't want to make the words. "How you…how can…you…what?"

Maura shakes her head, and her shoulders shake a little. "You would put yourself in front of Tommy's bullet in a second. I know you would. You _did,_" her voice is bitter, "And…if Kaufman tried again, you would be there again. And again. I thought. If I could end it…one way or another."

Jane finds her legs now, and closes the distance between them, pulling Maura close to her, pressing her lips to the shorter woman's neck. "Maura," she breathes.

"The thought of this place, without you. Our kids. Without you…We wouldn't survive." She's fighting tears. "Our kids wouldn't survive it, Jane."

Jane spins her, finding watery green eyes. She frowns, "You think they could survive it if _you_ left them?"

Maura doesn't respond, but the answer is there, written plainly on her face.

And Jane's heart is breaking. "Maura," she pulls the doctor to her, holding on as tightly as she can. "Maura. Maura," She doesn't know where to begin. She doesn't know _how_ to go about proving her wife wrong. She bends down and kisses the blonde forehead. "Oh, God…Maur." She whispers. "How can you even…"

"You were right," Maura says, her voice muffled against Jane's shoulder.

"hmm?"

"What you told Frankie," Maura pulls away to look at Jane. "About two Mauras."

Jane frowns. Not following. "The me that I am, just wants you. Can only see you. Does not desire anyone but you."

Jane nods, patient, and Maura takes a breath. "But there's this other part, this terrified part that does practical things, like…" she hesitates, "putting the house in just my name, or…doesn't introduce you as my wife…flirts with Ian."

Jane's jaw tightens, but she stays silent, "There's this part in me that analyzes every risk, and every factor and every variable. It doesn't want anything but scientific order."

Jane's arms tighten around Maura's waist, "Maur,"

"What do our children get from me that you couldn't continue to give them in my absence?" Maura looks up into her wife's horrified face, "How could your family survive without you, Jane?"

Jane is crying. Maura reaches out to touch her wife's face. To rub a tear away with the pad of her thumb. "Sweet girl. Don't cry."

Jane lifts Maura up to sit on the counter, making her almost a full head taller. She buries her face in Maura's neck, trying to transfer some of her love. "How long, Maura?"

Maura rubs at her spine. "hmm?"

"How long have you felt like…this?"

There is a pause, and Jane pulls back to see green eyes, thinking. "Since you rescued the boys," she says quietly, and Jane closes her eyes so that she doesn't pass out. "Since you protected us from Leah. Since you proved to them that you are as damn near invincible as a human can be." Jane hugs her again, but she's shaking. She presses her lips to Maura's collarbone. To her neck. She leans her head on her shoulder.

"One day you are going to walk away from me, Jane Rizzoli," Maura's voice is a whisper. "One way or another."  
Jane shakes her head back and forth, holding in a sob, "And most of me will die. I'll die." Her voice cracks.

"But the other half is just…preparing."

Jane cannot get enough of her body on Maura's. She lifts her off the counter and lowers them to the floor, pulling the doctor into her lap.

"You're wrong," she whispers fiercely, and Maura's hands slip around her neck. "You're wrong you're wrong."

Maura holds on, and Jane pulls her closer, "I love you so much, Maura. I love you. I love you. I'll never leave you."

There is silence, and for a minute, Jane thinks Maura is going to reject her. But then she speaks. Her voice soft and scared and vulnerable. "Promise me."

Jane doesn't even think.

"You will always have me."

* * *

**...I mean...you should all know me well enough by now...for serious.  
This story arc takes us into the end. so don't come swearing at me if you feel like it's unresolved. Of course it is.  
I tried to make my insight into Maura as explicit as possible without turning the whole chapter into an A/N about how I view Maura Isles. **

**I feel (you can tell me if I'm wrong) that JGMAR and a lot of this fic dealt with Jane feeling not good enough, or like she had to hold onto Maura. That she doesn't deserve her. For Maura it's different. She's worried about holding onto Jane, not because she doesnt' feel deserving, but because facts and figures are telling her that it's an inevitble loss. How can Maura Isles not want to (subconciously or otherwise) protect herself from that. One of you (And there were so many comments. I died. I burst into happy tears reading them. and then I died.) pointed out that Maura actually rescued Levi and Noah, yet both have bonded more tightly with Jane. Yes. that was intentional. I feel like you guys don't think I plan this shiz out. lol.**

Anyway. tell me what you think. Where are the plot holes? what can I fill in for you? (keep it respectful though...most of you have been really respectful, but some of you are forgetting that I'm a human with human feels...)

**Kaufman's escaped. We still ain't got no baby. Maura feels inadequate. Frankie's got a love interest. Cavenaugh is a dick. **

**onward!**

**happy reading. **

**tc**


	48. Chapter 48

Maura sits down next to Frost's bed, watching Alissa disappear around the corner. She looks back at Frost's face with mild amusement.

"You are in love with that woman," she says.

Frost squawks. "Doc! Keep it down will you?" He cranes his neck, checking to see that Alissa is really gone. When he's satisfied that he's safe, he leans back against his pillows, huffing. But his grumpy demeanor is undermined by his goofy smile.

"You _do!_" Maura says happily, pulling her chair closer to him. "Facial tells do not lie. For example, your-"

But Frost waves her off, chuckling, "Fine, yes, Maura, you win…I'm in love with her."

Maura reaches out and grips his wrist. "That. Is wonderful, Barry. Honestly."

"I'm going to tell her this weekend. When I get released…We haven't said it yet…but I think she knows." He blushes a bit.

"It's wonderful," Maura says again. "Truly."

He grins and they sit in silence for a moment. Maura watches the smile slip of the young man's face slowly, as new thoughts take over the happy ones.

"How are you and Jane?" The exact question she didn't want to have to answer.

"We're…alright. We fought pretty hard a couple days ago," She shrugs as Barry looks at her in alarm, "I think it was good. She hadn't really come out and yelled about all of it yet, and you know Jane. It has to come out somehow."

Frost nods slowly and Maura sighs, "She's just still so angry with me. For saying I would do it. I'm not sure there's anything that I can say to make that better."

Frost surveys her for a moment, calculating. "There were more people involved in the decision than just you. Cavenaugh, Korsak…me."

Maura's head jerks up. "She's not mad at you, Barry," she says gently.

Frost shakes his head, "I pushed for you to go in there too," he rubs his head, "I thought we'd get him."

Maura squeezes his wrist, "It wasn't your fault," she whispers, "It wasn't anyone's fault. Jane's angry and upset and scared. Once you and Frankie are out of the hospital, it will start to fade. I think-"

"She's not only mad because we put you undercover, Maur. You know that right?" Frost cuts across her making her look up.

"What?"

Frost shifts a little on the bed, "I mean…yeah. She's pissed that you did it because she was worried about you. But that's not where most of her anger's coming from now."

Maura looks at him, confused. "I don't follow."

Frost sighs. "When she realized you were made, she called Frankie and ordered him in after you. She ordered the entire team in. After you. As our superior, as the operation leader, as my best friend and his big sister, She told us to go in and bring you back."

Maura feels something hard and sharp in the back of her throat. Like barbed wire. She's seen Jane operate enough stings in the past to know that this is against protocol. And against common sense. "She did?"

"Yeah," He rubs the back of his neck, wincing a little. "She might be raging at you…but she's being ten times worse to herself. Even if you can't see it." Frost looks at her, trying to see if she understands. "She chose you. Over everything. _In front_ of everyone. You know what that's doing to her." His face softens a little bit, "Don't get me wrong. Every single person on that team knew where her heart was. We were all willing to protect you just as fiercely as she was. That's the kind of loyalty your wife inspires…She just doesn't know it."

He stops talking, waiting for her to respond. Maura doesn't know what to say. She thinks back to their fight. To the desperate, almost painful way that Jane had held onto her at the end.

_I love you, Maura. I love you I love you. I'll never leave you. _ "Oh, Jane." Maura breathes. She looks up at Frost. "What would I do without you, Barry?"

Frost chuckles, "You'd have to girl talk with Korsak," he says, pulling a face. But he sobers quickly, "Maur?"

"hmm."

"Is Jane…Has she said anything about requesting a new partner?" He looks at her apprehensively.

Maura takes his hand in her, "No. She hasn't."

He looks down, "'cause I know…she doesn't love it when people see her-"

Maura shakes her head fervently. "She loves you. You're her partner. For good."

He looks a little reassured although not entirely convinced. Maura doesn't have a chance to reassure him though, because her phone buzzes in her pocket.

She pulls it out and flips open the message from Jane, gasping. "Oh my God!"

"What?" Frost sits up.

Maura hands him the phone and his eyebrows shoot up.

_The baby is coming! See you at Mass Gen soon!_

* * *

…

This time, Maura notices the tail. She wouldn't have noticed him at all, except that she remembers him from the bar that she and Kaufman had eaten in before the meeting. She meets Angela, Jane and their children down in the parking lot, and as she scans the drive, looking for Korsak, she sees him, watching the family from his car.

"Mommy!" Sofia hugs her around the middle, followed quickly by Sofia and then Levi. "Nona says we are going to be cuzzes. I can't wait to be a cuz."

"Cousin," Maura says distractedly, trying to keep her voice steady. Trying not to stare.

"Maur?" Jane is frowning at her. "You okay?" Jane looks a little pale, but otherwise normal. Maura forces a smile. "Yes. You're text just caught me off guard," she smiles down at her children. "Let's get up to the waiting room!" she says and the three kids dash through the sliding doors into the hospital.

"How did Tommy get here?" she asks as Jane falls into step beside her.

Jane smiles faintly. "They panicked. Called 911. I guess they ignored the contractions until they were like two minutes." Jane rolls her eyes. In her arms, Noah's eyes go wide and then shut.

"Uch." He says exasperated, and he sounds so much like Maura, that all three adults stop walking for a moment.  
Angela and Jane laugh, but Maura can't make herself. "Maura, what's wrong. You look like you've seen a ghost."

Maura glances at Angela who gets the message without having to be told. "Here," she says, reaching for Noah. "Give me this munchkin and I will meet you all upstairs," She points at Jane. "But if you miss the birth of this baby, Jane Clementine, so help you GOD!" She turns and heads inside, where the three older children are waiting impatiently by the elevator.

"Maur?" Jane is staring at her. Maura swallows.

"One of Kaufman's men is in the parking lot, I recognize him from the bar." It is a credit to Jane's experience and discipline that she does not look around. She looks at Maura for a long time, as though she can't believe what she's heard. And then her face goes wild and angry.

"I can't believe you would say that to me, Maura," she shouts. Maura jumps. "How could such a thing be true?!"

Maura stares at her wife, wide eyed, and Jane stares back, hands on her hips. Not breaking. Maura is about to ask her what in the hell is going on, when she catches sight of the car behind her in the reflective sliding doors. The tail is looking at both of them. She looks back at Jane whose face is still the picture of fury. She puts her hands out, placating.

"It's a dark blue Taurus," she says softly. "JZP-1573"

"God Damnit, Maur. You want to bring this up now?" Jane swears and she looks up and over Maura's head, scanning the parking lot, under the guise of her anger. Her fingers pull through her hair, and Maura has to hand it to her, she really does look like they are fighting. She walks once around Maura, like she's trying to work off some anger, and Maura turns, following her, so that after a moment, she is facing the parking lot, and Jane is facing the hospital. "Go inside," her voice drops all its mock anger immediately. "Go inside, and call Korsak. Tell him to bring…um…Silas and…" she pauses, thinking, "Kimlicko."

Maura manages to make her eyes go wide and surprised, like she's hearing something she doesn't want to.

"Please," she says. And she reaches out to Jane. Her wife smacks her hand away.

"Tell them to stop and get like…a million balloons. Like, the congratulation balloons. So they look normal when they all enter. Tell them to dress in plain clothes, but bring their badges an their weapons." She shakes her head.

"Please don't be angry with me." Maura puts her hands to her heart. "Your nephew is going to be born. Today."

"Everything's going to be okay…" she pauses, her hands out wide, indignant. "say something hurtful and go inside. I'll be in in a minute," she pauses, "It's going to be okay. I have a plan. A good one. Now insult me so we can go inside."

Maura frowns, thinking. Jane almost grins. "Then I don't even know why I came here!" she cries, and turning on her heel, she rushes into the building, leaving her wife standing alone in the entryway behind her.

…

* * *

…

They get ready for bed in relative silence. Maura knows that Jane's mind is on their new nephew, and the danger his father is still in.

"He's beautiful," she says, and Jane smiles.

"Yeah. He looks just like Tommy. Except for that hair."

Maura chuckles, "It might get darker. Isabelle's is already starting to get darker." She comes up behind the brunette and wraps her arms around her waist. "They should probably watch him and the sun, though. He's going to freckle."

Jane sighs, almost a contented one. "Did you see Tommy's face?" she smiles fondly. "Did you see him holding his, his son?" Jane sounds a little choked up.

Maura squeeze her, "It was beautiful. He's going to be a great father." At her words, Jane's face darkens, and Maura kicks herself a little for saying the wrong thing. Jane pulls away from her and moves to get her sleep things out of dresser in the corner. Maura watches her go, trying to decide on what to say.

"The plan is a really, really good one, Jane," She says softly. Jane shrugs, not answering. "And I am really proud of you, putting Silas on point.

Jane sighs, "She'll do a good job. And Kaufman will be looking for me. He won't see it coming." She rolls her shoulders, winces a little. "And then my brother and his family can come home. Everything can get back to normal."

She says this with a finality that neither one of them feels. There is still an awful lot unsaid between them. The fight seemed not to bring them closer, but to suck all the energy out of Jane. And although Maura now knows _why_, she can't figure out a way to bring it up. She pulls her t-shirt over her head and then sits down on the bed. She studies Jane briefly before deciding to just go for it. She looks down at her hands. "Frost says you're angrier at yourself than you are at me. About everything that's happened."

Jane rolls her shoulders again, "Frost needs to mind his own business," she says a little dully. Maura turns to look at her. She's sitting on the end of the bed, one shoe on and one shoe off, her hand rubbing at her forehead. Maura frowns, coming to kneel behind her, momentarily distracted.

"Your head, again?" she puts her hands tentatively on the back of Jane's neck. "I wish you'd let me-"

"I don't need a doctor." Her voice is low, like she's in pain. Maura slips her hands into Jane's hair, pressing lightly.

"I think you might, Jane. You never had a CT. No one ever _really_ looked at it. I can tell it's getting worse and-"

But Jane pulls away, standing up. "No, Maura," She moves away. "I mean I don't need _you_ to be my doctor." She runs a shaky hand through her hair. "I don't need you to be my doctor or my partner or my accomplice. I need you to be my wife."

Maura leans back on her heels, "A wife _is_ all those things, Jane," she says, and Jane makes an exasperated sound.

Maura holds out her hands, "Honey. I know you're angry. I know you feel guilty. I know it was scary watching-"

But Jane whirls and looks at her, and her brown eyes are wide and indignant and…her pupils are dilated. Maura feels a spasm of panic. "Jane!" she says urgently, moving to stand.

Jane backs up, still arguing. "Angry? _Scary?_ Maura, I'm _terrified!_ I was _terrified. _And then…to hear you say that you don't think I'm going to stay with you. To hear you say that you think so little of yourself that you would…to hear that you can't feel…" She puts her hand to her head, closing her eyes, and Maura moves to her quickly, putting her arm around the detective's waist.

"Jane, stop shouting. You're making it worse."

Jane's head falls down onto Maura's shoulder, like she can't keep it up. "I love you so much Maura. I love you. I'm so scared that no matter how much I try to show you…you'll use your facts and figures to…to..dipsprove…to," she struggles with the word. Maura catches a breath.  
"Shh," she says, panic starting to blur he edges of her vision. She looks around for her phone. "Shh, honey. I love you too, but you are hurt. We're going to the ER, right now."  
Jane groans. " No. I'm fine. I'm so agry..ag…an-gry. At you." She's almost slurring.

Maura swallows. And then she yells. "LEVI!"

It only takes two more of those shouts to bring the little boy to the bedroom door and his eyes go wide and scared when he sees her, half supporting Jane.

"Mom?"

She pushes aside the guilt she feels at seeing his expression. "Get your brother and sisters. Tell them to put long sleeves on. Put a coat on Noah. Go to the car. The SUV."

Levi doesn't move. He's looking at Jane. "Mama?" His voice is smaller, frightened.

"Lee," Maura manages to keep the tremor out of her voice. "I need you to be a big boy. I need you to do what I told you. Mama is a little hurt, but she's going to be fine. I need to help her and you need to help me, okay?"

He looks at her, clear blue eyes wide. And then he nods and scampers away. She can hear him rousing his sisters, telling Sofia to go get Noah.

"Jane," Maura pushes tangled brown hair out of the way so that she can look at the head on her shoulder. Jane's eyes are shut tight, her expression pained.

"My head, Maur." She manages, and Maura nods.

"I know. We're going to the hospital."

"Kids," Jane grunts, and as if in reply, Maura watches Levi herd his sisters pas the door, Noah in his arms.  
Maura almost smiles. "Check."

...

* * *

"Mommy?" Levi has sidled up to Maura without her noticing. She jumps.

"Hi baby," she pats the seat next to her and Levi slides into it. She puts her hand on his back automatically, starting to rub. She studies him, his little stoic face, dry eyes. "You scared?" she asks quietly, "You don't have to be. Mama's going to be just fine."

They'd admitted Jane immediately and taken her for a CT scan, and Maura had been left in the waiting room with four sleepy children, still in their pajamas.

She'd called Constance. Her mother. And fifteen minutes after they'd wheeled Jane away she'd come through the swinging doors, tote bag under her arm, hair immaculate, even in the middle of the night.

"Gramma!" The twins' excited squeal had made her look around, and she'd stood upon seeing the older woman walk towards her.

"Hello lovely girls!" she'd hugged them and then Levi without taking her eyes off of Maura, appraising the situation by the look on her daughter's face.

Now, Constance sits across from Maura, twins asleep on either side of her, Noah asleep on her chest. Only Levi had stayed awake, watching Maura. Waiting

"You scared?" she asks the little boy again.

He looks up at her, "Should I be scared, Mom?" he asks her. His face is genuine, and she knows that whatever she chooses to tell him, he will believe. He trusts that she's not going to lie to him, and if she tells him not to be afraid, he won't be.

She puts her arm around him, elated when he leans against her. It always feels like a little gift. Like a tiny explosion of warmth in her stomach, when one of her children seeks comfort from her.

"No," she says, giving him a squeeze. "Everything's going to be fine."

.

"Dr. Isles?" Maura stands slowly, trying not to wake the little boy asleep beside her.

"Yes. That's me. Jane?"

"She's fine, Doctor," The words make Maura tear up in relief. "The CT showed a minor blood clot, most likely from the trauma she sustained on the job. We've got her on a course of blood thinners and anti-inflammatory medicine, all intravenous, and it does not appear that surgery is going to be necessary. You're welcome to see her now if you'd like. She's resting pretty comfortably."

More tears. More relief. Maura could hug this man. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

He nods, "We'll keep her here, just to monitor the progress, and when she's released, it's bed rest and low stress. I can't believe she wasn't experiencing symptoms before tonight."

Maura shakes her head, moving to wake her son, gesturing that Constance should do the same with the girls. "of course she was, she's just such a stubborn…asshole…Levi, honey. Wake up." Levi's eyes open and he looks around, disoriented.

"Mom?"

"It's okay, darling, remember where you are?" Levi's face flickers with recognition and he nods.

"Mama?"

"She's fine, honey. Do you want to see her?" An eager nod, mirrored by the dark and light heads of her sleepy daughters. "Okay, she says, reaching out for hands, "Okay. Let's go."

…

* * *

Jane is asleep when they push the door open into her room. Levi seems to freeze, but both girls bound up to the bed without making any noise, wiggling excitedly.

Maura leans down and kisses the detective. Jane smiles in her sleep. "Hey," without opening her eyes.

Maura pulls away, lifting Isabelle and then Sofia, "There's some people here who want to say hello," she whispers. The brunette's smile widens, and she opens her eyes a little.

"Hey, tinys!" she says softly. Isabelle looks excited and she snuggles against her mother immediately, Sofia bursts into tears.

"Don't cry, nugget. I'm fine."

Sofia lifts her hand where the IV disappears into a vein. "You got…tubes, Mama," she says sadly.

Jane nods, "Yeah, but those are making me strong. And they'll come out soon."

Sofia pulls the hand around her, snuggling in Jane's other side. She looks over to where Maura and Constance stand with Levi and Noah. "Hey, little man," She says tiredly. Levi's hand squeezes Maura's

"Hi Ma!" Noah calls from Constance's arms. "Hi!"

"You okay, Ma?" Levi's voice is small. She beckons to him, and with a nod of approval from Maura, he goes. He collapses into the chair next to the bed, putting his head down on the mattress. She ruffles his hair. "I heard you were quite the helper tonight."

He looks up at her, eyes wet. "I helped Mom get you here."

Jane cups his cheek, "You're the best guy," she says, "the best there is."

He grins at her and puts his head back down. Maura is about to turn away, to speak to her mother, but then Levi starts to sing. His voice is scratchy, juvenile, but sweet and on pitch, and Maura recognizes the song as one Jane used to sing, when he and Noah had just come home.

_So close your eyes. You can close your eyes, it's alright. I don't know no love songs. And I can't sing the blues anymore. But I can sing this song. And you can sing this song, when I'm gone. _

Constance taps Maura on the shoulder lightly. "I can take them home. If you want to stay." She sways with Noah, who is already drifting back to sleep.

Maura looks at her children, tucked comfortably against Jane. She doesn't want to move them.

"No," she reaches out for Noah, "No, it's alright. we're going to stay."

Constance raises her eyebrows. "All of you?"

Maura nods, moving towards the armchair by the window. "All of us."

It doesn't take her long to move the chair close to the bed, and settle into it with Noah in her arms. Levi is still singing, and when she sits down Jane opens one eye and looks at her, smiling.

_It won't be long before another day. We're gonna have a good time. No one's gonna take that time away. You can stay as long as you like. So close your eyes…_

Maura grins. _I love you_. She mouths, and Jane reaches out to hold her hand.

_I love you I love you. _She says, and her eyes close again.

Maura leans back and runs her free hand over Noah's back. Content, in the moment, to just listen to her family breathing.

* * *

**So...Most of you are probably like...yo, TC, i'm pretty sure that you wrote a baby being born...but you ain't add nothin' about a baby being born...WHAT'S THE DEALIO YO?  
Well! my (inexplicably lame sounding) friends, it was my intention. (no seriously...i know you guys don't sound like that...i apologize. lol) You ARE indeed missing the birth as well as Jane's super good plan. I did not accidentally ctrl x it all. It's deliberate. be patient. **

**Other than that we got our ladies working towards reconciliation. We got Frost in lovvveeee. We got Jane nearly killing herself with a blood clot. idiot. **

**and on we go.**

also I want to take a moment to say thank you (no really? you don't ever do that). I know that I have stopped thanking you all individually...but that doesn't mean that I don't read all your comments, and try to answer your questions and get back to anyone who is legit asking me something. The number of you that have followed me. That have asked for a trilogy...that have followed me on tumblr (same name. shameless promotion)...it takes mah tiny hearted breath away. I swear. I am trying to physically show you with my hands what it means to me that you not only follow this, but also support my totally different and somewhat dark fic The Moment (shameless promotion), but it is futile. For one thing, you can't see me. And for another thing, if you could, you would just feel bad for the stranger who appeared to be having the seizure...so...there's that. 

**take care all of you. my gratitude and love are...boundless. **

**happy reading**

**tc. **


	49. Chapter 49

Jennifer Silas rolls her eyes at Jane, although only Maura catches it. "Detective," Silas says with as much restraint as she can muster, "We've been over it several times. Officer Kimlicko and I have been partners for four years. He sneezes in the middle of the night and I'm on my way with tissues."

Jane rolls her shoulders, sitting up a little straighter in the hospital bed. Maura wants to fluff her pillows and make her lie back, but she resists the urge. Even though she's in the hospital, the sting is still going down today. Jennifer Silas is still point on the operation, and they are still going to attempt to bring Kaufman in. The only difference is that Jane will not be anywhere near any of it when the sting goes down. She'll have to wait for a call or a text from Silas. Like a civilian.

Maura can tell it's driving her crazy. "Okay. So Rogers and Leigh are going to try and take the tail?"

"No," Silas says, and Maura thinks she has the patience of a saint. "Rogers and Leigh _are_ going to take the tail in the parking lot. They're going to bring him down, and then they're going to text Kaufman that Tommy's finished and to meet at JoJo's for the proof, and then Jon and I are going to take Kaufman."

It's the fourth time she's gone over the plan. Jane's plan. Maura clears her throat. "It's your plan, Jane. And it's a good one." Jane shoots her a look, but Maura ignores it, "I understand that it's your brother and you're not used to loosening the reigns of power...but Officer Silas is the first one you picked for the first operation.

Evidently, Silas was unaware of this fact because she blushes crimson up through her hair line and looks away for a moment. Jane gives Maura a look that clearly says, _thanks for that, _but she nods grudgingly.

"It's true, Jen," she growls, and Maura smiles at her resistance to give praise, "You're way overdue."

Silas' blush deepens, "Thank you, Detecti-" Jane raises an eyebrow and Silas falters, "J-Jane," she stammers after a second, "Thank you." Jane rolls her shoulders, grumpy, and Silas bites her lip, "You and Frankie are some of the best cops we have. You're inspirations," She stands a little taller. "No way we'd let anything happen to your brother. Especially not now."

Any mention of her new nephew is enough to make Jane smile. Her face softens immediately. Maura shakes her head, hiding a chuckle.

"Thank you," Jane says, "I'll await your word."  
Maura watches Silas out of the room before coming to sit on the edge of the bed. "You really are just a softie, Jane Rizzoli," she teases. "Just a big old pile of down blankets."

Jane rolls her eyes.

...

* * *

...

_Maura sets Noah down on one of the hard chairs in the waiting room, reaching out to grab Isabelle as she streaks by. _

_"New cuz! New cuz!" she and Sofia are chanting. Maura chuckles as she settles the little blonde child next to the baby. "Shh, Bella, we're in a hospital. Calm down now." _

_Isabelle looks puzzled as Sofia and Levi come to sit near her. "But the hop-sit-al is where sickies go," she says, "Is Lydia sick?" _

_Maura shakes her head, "Not everyone who comes to the hospital is sick. Some people come to have babies. Some people come to do research," She leaves out that some people come to die. "There are lots of reasons to come to the hos-pi-tal," she spaces out the word correctly for her child, "And not all of them are bad." _

_"hos-pit-al" Sofia mimics, smiling at her mother, "Lydia's here to get a baby out of her tummy." _

_"Yes," Maura says. _

_"How'd it get there?" Levi asks suddenly, looking curious. _

_"Uncle tommy put it there," Isabelle says wisely. Levi looks at Maura, who nods slowly, feeling nervous. _

_"Oh," Levi contemplates this silently for a moment, "How?" _

_"A conversation for another day," Jane's voice rings out from behind Maura and the doctor turns around, relieved. "A conversation for another day fifty years from now," Jane adds, kissing Maura's cheek. _

_"Janie!" Angela has been pacing the waiting room, oblivious to all things except for the nurses passing by the waiting room. "Do you think she's begun yet, Maura? When do you think he will be born?" _

_Maura shakes her head, smiling. "I didn't see her when she came in, Angela, so I'm not sure how far along she is in her labor. I'm sure that if she isn't dilated enough, to begin delivery, Tommy will come out and update...Oh!" _

_As if in answer to her sentence, Tommy appears in the doorway, white faced and frantic. He seems to inventory the people in the room. _

_"Tommy!" Angela flies at him, hugging him hard. "Any grandbabies yet?" _

_Behind her, with Noah now on her hip, Jane makes a disgruntled noise. "Yes," she mutters, "four. right here." _

_Maura bites her lip to keep from smiling. Tommy manages to extract himself from his mother. _

_"She's gonna have it!" He says, like this is new information, "I'm gonna be...I'm-" he goes even paler, and Maura steps forward, "Breath, Thomas," she says urgently, "It's important that you take deep breaths and try as best you can to stay calm. Childbirth can be taxing on the father as well as the mother, especially watching things such as the crowning-" Jane moves forward to put a hand on Maura's arm.  
"Unhelpful," she hisses, as Tommy wobbles a little. "Tommy. Why aren't you in with your girlfriend?" Jane asks. _

_Tommy seems to pull himself together a little, "The doc says that someone else can be in with us," He looks at his sister, "For support." _

_Maura knows he wants to pick Jane. And she sees Angela recognize it too. Her face falls minutely. Maura looks at Jane, whose face is impassive. _

_"So take Ma," she says, her tone carefully inflected to suggest that she does not want to go. "Ma's had like a hundred babies. She'd probably be the most helpful." She shrugs her shoulders. "Just don't let her run off with him," she adds, her face dead serious. Classic Jane. _

_Tommy turns to his mother, "Ma?" _

_She beams at him. "Of course I will come. Of course," and he leads her away with a quick wave of his hand.  
Maura moves over to kiss Jane on the cheek. "You are amazing, Jane." She says, watching her wife look fondly after her brother and mother. _

_"Hmm?" _

_"I know you know what you just did there." _

_Jane smiles fleetingly, before wiping her face clean.  
"I have no idea what you're talking about."_

* * *

...

"I'll let you get some rest." Maura stands, smoothing down her skirt. Jane makes a noise in the back of her throat. It's the second time that Jane has snapped at her in as many minutes, and Maura decides that the detective wants to brood and wait alone.

"Don't go," her voice is low. Scared. Maura looks up. "I'm sorry. I'm scared."

"He's going to be fine, Jane," She moves to stand closer to Jane's bed, reaching out for her hand. "You have some of the best in the force protecting him. You have a solid plan this time..." Maura watches as Jane shuts her eyes, trying to believe her. "Other people can carry your burdens too."

Jane's eyes open and lock with Maura's. For a moment she looks angry. Then she tugs on Maura's hand. "Don't go," she says again. "Your mother said she'd watch the kids as long as we needed," Jane watches as Maura hesitates again, "Don't go, Maur. Not just because I'm nervous about my brother. I want you to stay. Please."

Maura cannot deny her. Not when she's looking with those big brown vulnerable eyes. "Scoot over," she says softly, and Jane does, smiling.

.

At first they don't talk. Jane tucks herself against Maura and they lie together in silence. Maura can feel Jane become more and more nervous with every minute that ticks by, feel her heart begin to race, and her breathing get shallow.

She's not used to this, to the sitting and waiting and worrying. She's never had to do it before. Not once.

Maura pushes the dark hair away from the face. "When I'm waiting for you to come home. When I'm scared and each minute feels like an hour," Jane tenses a little, but Maura gives her a squeeze, "I recite things. Facts. to help myself pass the time. To make me feel better."

Jane does not immediately respond, in fact, several long minutes go by before she says something at all. Maura wonders what is happening inside her head. So much of who she is, who Jane is is wrapped up in her job. She does it to feel worthy. She does it to protect the people she loves. To feel as though she's in control.  
Maura knows that feeling. It's the feeling she gets when she does her own job. It's one of the reasons that she and Jane work so well together.  
Maura opens her mouth to say more, but Jane cuts her off, "Help me," she says and her voice is constricted. "Please."

So Maura talks about anything she can think of. About cognitive phases in relationship to physical growth and how it is manifesting in their children. About the fashion trends of the season and what that's going to mean for her shoe collection and her color palette. About Belmont Academy, and it's prestige and it's modesty and about how the girls are going to love it there. About the phases of the moon, and how they dictate a person's moods and where the myth of the werewolf came from.

And she finds that as she talks, Jane begins to relax against her. She finds that she likes this feeling, sitting next to her wife and talking and rubbing up and down her arm. Comforting her. She likes it a lot.

"When was the last time we were just...together?" It's as if the detective can read her mind.

"I was just trying to remember," Maura murmurs.

"I don't run around out there because I don't want to be in with you, you know." Her voice is quiet against Maura's shoulder.

Maura nods. "I know."

Jane is going to say more. A lot more, but Jane's phone buzzes on the side table and both women lunge for it.

Jane picks it up and her face crumbles at what she sees. She bursts into tears.

"Jane?!" Maura yanks the phone out of her hand.

It's a picture of Silas with Kaufman in cuffs, bent over the hood of her police car. The caption underneath it says, _Your nephew can come home. Thank you for trusting me._

Maura rubs methodically at Jane's back, waiting for her to get herself under control. When she finally does, her voice is rough. "Text her that she should call Tommy. He's waiting to hear."

"Don't you want to-" Maura begins, but Jane shakes her head. She looks at Maura.

"Silas' win, Silas' call." She holds out her arms and Maura sinks back into them. "You were telling me about wolfmen," Jane prompts.

Maura might actually be glowing.

"Oh yes...we it's a common misconception that..."

...

* * *

...

_Nine pounds seven ounces. Lydia looks exhausted when the Rizzoli-Isles clan pushes their way into the delivery room. _

_Angela is holding the baby, and he's wrapped up tightly in the blanket she knit him.  
"Has she given him back yet?" Jane whispers, moving to hug Tommy. He grins._

_"I'm pretty sure if she makes a run for it, I can catch her." He moves back over to Lydia and takes her hand. "You okay?" _

_Lydia giggles, "you asked me that already. a hundred times." _

_Tommy shrugs, looking goofy, "You just hadda push a human out of you. I get to ask a couple more times." _

_Maura wraps her arm around Jane watching her children crowd around Angela and the baby. _

_"He is very tiny," Isabelle says, sounding mildly disappointed, "too small to do somersaults. I was going to teach him." _

_Angela smiles, "He'll get bigger. Much to quickly," She's been crying. Jane shakes her head. _

_"He's perfect size for lion king," Sofia observes, and Isabelle looks cheered. _

_"You and your sister were smaller than TJ is," Angela tells them. Sofia looks dubious. _

_"I don't know," she says, and she sounds like Maura. "That child is quite small." _

_Jane chuckles. "So that's what you're going with? Tommy Junior?" She crosses the room and lifts the baby gently from her mother's reluctant arms. "I can see why," she says, looking adoringly down into the babies face, "he looks just like you. Maybe a little fairer," she grins, "Hi," she whispers to the baby. "Hi. I love you." _

_Tommy comes over to stand near his sister. He looks down at his son. "Yeah. That's his name. Thomas Junior." He glances at his mother, "Thomas Angelo Rizzoli Junior. If you want to get technical about it." _

_Angela's eyes go wide. "Really? Angelo for..." _

_Tommy nods, "Like Angela. For you, Ma." Jane grins at Maura as Angela bursts into tears. The baby stirs in Jane's arms, frowning a little. _

_"Here, Tommy," Jane hands him his son, "He's not a Rizzoli-Sparks?" Jane looks over to where Lydia is watching with heavily lidded eyes. _

_She shakes her head, "Tommy's his father. A son should have his father's name." _

_Tommy looks up at her, "And who knows...Lydia could be a Rizzoli too. Someday." _

_This only makes Angela cry harder._

_"Jane," Lydia calls the detective over to her bed and Jane goes, hesitantly. Lydia looks up at her. "I know that you don't particularly like me." _

_Jane's eyes go wide, "Aw. No...Lydia. I just..." Lydia waves her away. _

_"It's okay...I get it. Me and Tommy aren't married. You never even gotta meet me before I'm having your brother's baby." She pauses, but Jane is too shocked to add anything to the conversation. "I just wanted to say thanks...for...you know. Protecting me too. Like when that guy was shooting at us..." she looks like she would go on, but is too tired. _

_Jane takes her hand. "Sure, Lydia," she says, and her voice is almost tender. "Anytime." _

* * *

...

"Would you lay down you life for one of your children?" It's Jane's last night in the hospital, and Maura is trying to leave so that she can go home and relieve Constance of her babysitting duty. She has been surprised and delighted at the way her mother has stepped up, even driving the kids to the hospital on a couple occasions to see Jane.

They've been silent for more than ten minutes and this question, seemingly out of nowhere, catches Maura off guard. She spins to look at Jane, but the brunette holds her firmly in place.

"What?"  
Jane pulls Maura back against her, taking one of her hands in her own. "Would you die to save one of our children?" the question comes again, in the same soft tone, right by her ear. Maura presses back into Jane, waiting for the thrill of panic that she feels at the idea of one of her children being hurt to subside. If this is the beginning of a cathartic conversation, Maura cannot think of a worse opening. She wonders where this is going. If the detective is still angry and hurt from their unfinished fight almost a week ago.

"Of course I would," she whispers. She doesn't even have to think about it. "In a second." She lets Jane lace their fingers together. "So would you," she says, a bit defensively, because Jane doesn't answer right away. "You would too, Jane."

"You're right," Jane kisses the side of her head. She pauses for a moment, and then, "How many studies are there about children that grow up without both of their parents?"

"What?" This time Maura really does turn to look at her wife. Jane looks calmly back at her, eyebrows raised.

"How many studies are there that talk about the effect that losing a parent has on a child?"

Maura bites her lip, studying the kind brown eyes in front of her. "Several. Jane-where are you going with-"

"But you'd lay down your life for one of your kids in a heart beat. You'd give up your life if it meant that just one of them could live, wouldn't you, Maur?"

"I don't see what this has to-" Maura begins, but Jane cuts her off.

"_Wouldn't _you, Maura?"

Maura huffs a little. "Yes. But so would yo-"

"Even though it goes against all the data and the reading and the facts and figures," Jane cuts across her again. "You'd do it. Why?"

Maura looks at Jane incredulously. Angrily. "How can you ask me why?"

Jane doesn't blink, "It's against reason. To deprive three of your children their mother just to save one."

"Reason has nothing to do with it, Jane." Maura can feel fury creeping up through her hairline. "How could you suggest that I would even stop to consider _studies _if one of our children's lives was at stake. Are you honestly accusing me of basing my love for our children on-on _data? _How could you insinuate-"

Jane catches a smile, "How can _you_ rely on data and reason to _gauge my love for you_?" She counters immediately.

The change of direction, the realization that she has been led directly into this trap, almost knocks the doctor over.

"I _love _you,"Jane's tone is fierce. Or it's fearsome. Maura feels the words inside her body. "I _love _you." Jane says it again, like she's argued. "There is no data or rule or equation that can adequately describe or define or map out my love for you, Maura. If you think I say those three words out of habit. If you think I'm just biding my time...Then you've underestimated me. and I..." she looks away. "And I'm sorry...That I let you."

"Oh, Jane-" Maura starts, but Jane puts her hand up. And Maura falls silent, waiting.

"I used to be scared that I would hurt you. Do you remember?"

Maura nods. She remembers. Jane reaches out and traces down Maura's ear to her jaw and back up again. Maura has to work not to let her eyes fall shut. "Do remember when I was the scaredest?"

Maura smiles, "most scared," she corrects, unable to help herself, "And yes. I do."

The fight they'd had had been horrible, although, Maura cannot remember what it was about now. Pre-children, both of them had been screaming, really screaming at each other, each in a corner of the kitchen like boxers waiting for the bell.

Jane had said something horrible, wishing to wound in the way that only Rizzoli's can when they are angry, and Maura had threatened her wife with loneliness. She'd pointed one steady finger at her wife's heart and said, _I will walk out that door, Jane Rizzoli. I will walk out that door, and you will miss me._

Jane had taken three angry steps towards Maura, her hands out, before stopping dead, her face changing from anger to the pale sick green of fear and despair faster than Maura had ever seen.

"You locked yourself in the bathroom," Maura says quietly. "You were afraid that you would hurt me to keep me from leaving. Even though it was an empty threat."

Jane nods, her face hardening for a moment before she smiles at a new memory. "It didn't really seem to stop you," she says, and they are both quiet, remembering the way the stone bookend had sounded as it shattered the bathroom doorknob to pieces.

"I wanted to be with you," Maura says, and it was true. The fight had ended as soon as Maura had seen Jane's face change. It hadn't even occurred to the doctor to be scared. She hadn't even flinched when Jane had moved towards her. "You would never hurt me. I wanted you to know that I wasn't leaving. That I still trusted you and loved you and wanted to put my hands on you."

Jane leans back and gestures that Maura should do the same. The doctor tucks herself against the detective, feeling for her heart, finding it beating strong and regular in her chest.

"That was when I knew," Jane says softly, "really knew that we were forever. That I could stop waiting for the other shoe to drop because...it wasn't going to." She kisses Maura's forehead and then tilts her so that they are looking into each others eyes. "You see every bit of me. every single stupid-"

"You are quite intelligent," Maura corrects quickly, with a shake of the head,

"reckless,"

"Incredibly brave," Maura offers, smiling.

"Sarcastic?"

This time Maura nods, "sarcastic," she echoes and Jane laughs.

"You see every part of me, Maura. And I've never been so afraid that I was going to lose you as I was when I heard that gunshot over the phone." She goes solemn and pale, and Maura watches her struggle with emotions. It's something she's always been good at, reading the woman in front of her, even when other people can't. "I've never been so scared," Jane repeats. "Please don't do that to me again," she looks directly into Maura's eyes, and her expression is so intense and so open that Maura stops breathing. "Please let me see all of you. So that I can reassure you the way you always, _always _reassure me."

Maura looks up into Jane's face. Green into brown, the way she wants it to be forever, and for the first time in her life, it dawns on her that _she _might be the reason that Jane does her job. That she is the reason her wife is good at what she does and the reason that Jane comes home.

She wants to believe it.

She turns, tucking herself against Jane, her head sliding under the angular jaw, and the detective's arms wrap around her at once.

If she could just be sure. "Will we always be together, Jane?"

She closes her eyes, coming as close to praying as she has in a very long time. "Will we always be together?" Fifteen on a park bench. Her whole life ahead of her, throwing science out of the window and just going on faith. She could do that again. If Jane answers the right way.

She could believe.

She feels Jane shift against her and tighten her hold. The response is in her ear, low and lovely and perfect.

"Of course we will. There's no way I'm ever letting you go."

* * *

**Your comments and PMs, here and over at The Moment and even on tumblr have been my saving grace. Seriously you guys have been so nice and so understanding. I am sorry this is late. Shiz went DOWN over here. **

**And maybe I'm also having angst about putting up the last three (two now) chapters of this fic. I feel like I have so many more stories to tell you about this little family. The girls in school, The formal adoption. Tommy raising TJ. I'm gonna miss rizzoli sundays and my tiny little nuggets. Maybe that's dumb lol. but it's true. **

**But so much goes into this for me. I'm not sure if I have it, whatever IT is, in me. and I'm CERTAINLY not the kind of person who can write like 10 chapters and then disappear for six months or forever. I just am not built that way. I had super jitters about leaving this for like three days. I kept sitting up being like...is there somewhere I'm supposed to be? and then my brain would go, YEAH FANFICTION FUTHERMUCKER GET WRITING. lol. **

**but things got gross and emotional and drama-tic over here, and i needed my wits about me for this last conversation. I hope you are all (or the majority? I'll even take minority by a slim margin, lol) are happy with the turn out. the baby bein born, and Jane learning to bleeping trust someone else for a change. Also...a surprising number of you were like...can you send the family to Disney World...like...A LOT of you, in the PMs. to which i say...they may not go to disney...but you will like the epilogue. **

**If there's going to be a part three. I'll put it in my A/N at the end of the epilogue...now back to my GIGANTIC pro/con list. lol**

**okay. enough of my rambling. As usual...you are all stunningly beautiful and wonderful shiny people. and I am like quasimodo. enthralled that you are paying attention to me. overjoyed just to be in y'alls presence. **

**happy reading. much love. **

**tc. **


	50. The End

For once in her life, Jane follows doctor's orders.

He tells her to rest, and to keep herself as stress free as possible. Maybe it's something about the way that the worry lines between Maura's eyebrows deepen when she hears the Doctor tell them Jane has to stay low key. Maybe it's the way that she holds tight to Jane's hand, like she's already bracing herself for the argument they're going to have about it.

"If I do deskwork half days, and then…have the kids the rest of the day, would that be okay, Doc?" Jane can feel Maura's stunned eyes on her face. She smirks a little.

"That should be fine. No running after criminals. Not for a little bit alright, Detective."

Jane squeezes Maura's hand, nodding at her Attending, "Yeah, alright."

Beside her, Maura makes a noise that could be an angry sigh, but could also be tears. Jane looks around quickly to see that it is the latter.

"Hey," she tips her chair so that she can kiss the side of Maura's head, "Hey! What is it? I said I _wouldn't _run around after criminals, Maur."

"I know. I know," Maura swats angrily at the wetness in her eyes. "You just…You are such…an enigma. I will _never _understand you."

Jane gives her wife the kind of smile that she knows makes the doctor a little weak in the knees. "I know. I like to keep you guessing."

Maura collects herself enough to roll her eyes.

…

And true to her word, Jane does desk work in the morning, and spends the afternoons with their children, following them as they run through the park, or taking them by subway to the MFA.

Usually, it's Maura who spends the most time with them, and they revel in Jane's uninterrupted attention, and Jane seems genuinely surprised and pleased at how much they want to be around her.

But the best part, for Maura anyway, comes at five or six at night, when she gets home from the morgue and pushes through the door of her house. When Jo Friday barks, signaling her arrival, and four pairs of feet thunder down the hallway, and eight arms wrestle over who gets to hug her the hardest.

"Mommy!"

"Guess what I did today?"

"I got you this at the museee. I got you a post card. Look!"

Affection. A bid for her undivided attention. The first one to get home, or having never left, It is usually Maura who would have to stand in the kitchen and watch this display from the other end, as her children crowded around a usually tired and careworn detective.

Now, when she can finally get close enough, Jane kisses Maura's cheek before bending down to pick Noah up so he doesn't get knocked over by his older siblings. She smiles at the look on Maura's face, like she can read what she's thinking."It's nice," she says quietly, her grin broadening as Maura looks at her with wide eyes, "This sort of switch. I'm not saying I want to be at a desk forever…but this is nice." She face she makes is almost wistful. "Your expression, every night, when they come around the corner…" She shrugs, "It's nice."

Maura watches her wander off after their kids, and wonders for the first time if her wife was experiencing the same pangs of inadequacy. She watches Jane toss Noah into the air before putting him in his booster for dinner, and the way she looks at him when he giggles...

The weight of Maura's love for her family renders her speechless.

.

Korsak calls during dinner with big news. Dodging a swat from Maura for answering her phone at the table, Jane nearly spits her spinach across the table.

"Chief of police?"

Maura's eyes widen. "Speaker!" she says excitedly to Jane, "put it on speaker."

Jane presses the button, and Korsak's gruff voice fills the dining room. "Acting," he says, "Just acting while they figure out what to do with Cavenaugh...am I on speaker?"

Maura chuckles, "Say hi to Detective Korsak," she says to her children. "tell him congratulations."

"Hi Uncle Vince!" Sofia calls, Isabelle echoing behind her.  
"Congrats!" Levi calls. "You are in charge now? Of everything?"

"Acting," Korsak says again, his voice betraying his excitement "Just acting."

"Still," Jane says, face shining, "Korsak, that's wonderful. I told you brass would recognize you."

"Anyway, that's not the whole reason I'm calling, Jane."

There is a silence, in which all six Rizzoli-Isles stare at the phone.

"Well?" Maura laughs, "Spit it out, Vince!"

"I'm promoting Silas. She's gonna move to the drug unit. Run lead over there."

"That's great," Jane says, shrugging at Maura, "Not sure why you're telling us…but she's way overdue. She shouldn't just be a footman."

"Yeah…"

More silence, and Jane shakes her head, bewildered, "So will that be all…_sir?_" She says teasingly.

Korsak laughs, "You watch yourself Rizzoli. Show a little respect or I might change my mind about also promoting your brother."

Jane's eyes are as round as saucers. "W-w-what?"

"I'm making Frankie Detective."

Jane whoops, leaping out of her chair, almost knocking her plate over. Isabelle and Levi are up right after her, whooping even if they are not quite sure why. "Korsak!" Jane cries, spreading her arms out to catch Isabelle as she jumps from her chair.

"Jane!" Maura is half scolding half laughing, "For heaven's sake. The example you set!"

But Jane is too busy dancing around with Bella, "Korsak, sir, you won't regret this. You won't."

"I know I won't, Jane…Do you want to tell him?"

Jane whoops again. Maura sees Sofia roll her eyes. "Thank you, Kor-sir. Thank you."

Korsak laughs, "I could get used to this sir thing." He disconnects and Jane looks at Maura, ebullient.

In his chair at the end of the table, Noah has been wiggling with excitement. Looking between his mothers, he raises his tiny little arms in the air, imitating Jane from the only other time he's seen her this excited.

"Touchdown!" He says excitedly.

Everybody laughs, and Jane moves to kiss his blonde head.

"I could not have said it better myself."

* * *

"Mom?"

Maura is sitting on the bench at the end of their bed, trying to wrestle a squirming Noah into a bowtie when Levi appears in the doorway. "Hey sweetheart," she says beckoning him across the threshold. He comes slowly, looking apprehensive. Maura frowns, setting Noah down. "Go find Mama," she says to the toddler, and he scoots out of the room, turning down the hall to the twins room, calling for Jane.

"Come here, honey pie," she says, patting the bench, and Levi comes to sit next to her. "What's up?"

He bites his lip, hesitating, and Maura contemplates calling Jane. "Honey?"

"Are you mad at me, Mom?"

Maura, caught off guard, can only shake her head vigorously for a moment, trying to find her words. "No!" she says finally, vehemently. "No! Lee, why would you think that?"

Levi looks a little relieved, but not totally reassured. "I dunnah," she almost smiles at how he sounds like Tommy. "I dunnah, 'cause you say night to me quick like. And...when I ask you to play video games you always tell me to ask Ma, and I don't like craft time as much as Fia does, but you never do guess who with me anymore?" he ends like this is a question, all in a rush. Maura frowns, trying to think of the last time he'd asked her something.

_Mom! Come play cowboys and indians with me?_

_Native Americans. Ask your ma, Lee, I've gotta look a this for a moment._

Maura shakes her head, looking down into hopeful blue eyes. "Oh, Levi, I'm so sorry...I...I've been so...preoccupied-" Levi makes a face and Maura smiles a little, "That means that I've had so many things on my mind."

"It's like a tornado in there?"

Maura raises her eyebrows, "Yes. Yes, it is, sometimes."

"Dr. Myers says sometimes, if it feels like that, to breathe and find the root of the problem."

Maura stares at this little boy, almost eight. Wiser than she'd imagined. "Your therapist is right...Is that why you came to talk to me?"

Levi looks a little apprehensive, then he nods, "I'm scared that something bad will happen. Ma is wearing her uniform. Last time...it meant the killer was coming after her."

Maura marvels at the growing brains ability to make and keep connections. She scoots closer to Levi. "No...I mean, yes, your right...those were the sequence of events, but Leah didn't come after your mother because of her uniform...What's happening tonight is just Uncle Frankie getting a medal, remember?"

Levi nods, fidgeting "What if it's like last time?" he looks at her.

"I know these last couple months have been pretty scary, huh?" she wraps an arm around him, happy when he leans into her embrace. "But you don't have to worry. Nothing bad is going to happen to Mama, okay? We're gonna go to a party for Uncle Frankie, and then-"

But he has turned to her, and his face is horrified, his blue eyes full of tears. She cuts her sentence short abruptly, "Sweetheart, what is it?"

"What about you, Mom? Is something bad going to happen to _you_?" He reaches out and grasps her wrist. The cast has been off for three days, and her skin is still pale and delicate. He holds on tight. "Mom? Are you going?"

Maura pulls him into a hug, "No! No, sweetheart, I'm sorry. Nothing's going to happen to me either, alright? Everyone's going to be safe and fine."

He looks down at his hand, still tight around her wrist. "If you go...who's gonna protect us?" Like he hasn't heard her.

Maura shakes her head, confused by the wording of her son's question. "What do you mean, Lee?" He looks up at her, like no explanation is necessary. "Fia says that you and Mama are like her and Iz." He looks at her, and Maura must still look confused, because he sighs, "for each other," he clarifies. "You are for Mama and Mama is for you. If you go, we'll all be empty. I'll be empty, like when I woke up and you were gone." His eyes fill up with tears again. "Mommy? Are you going away?"

She takes his face in her hands, wiping his tears with the pads of her thumbs, and he leans into her, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding on. "Mommy," he says again, and she leans down to kiss his head, feeling her own tears start to roll down her cheeks.

"Hey, Little man," she says softly, "Hey, I'm not going. I'm not going anywhere. I love you." She kisses his head again. Jane walks by with Sofia, and the little girl's tiny gasp makes Jane look around.

Her eyes widen as she takes in the scene in front of her, but when she looks questioningly at Maura, the doctor smiles through her tears.

Jane nods almost imperceptibly and pulls Sofia on, and Maura redoubles her grip on her son, rocking them gently. He sniffles and she tilts his head back to look her in the eyes. She'd commented to Jane once, watching them all play in the yard, that Levi looked like the child they might have had if they could have a child together. Light eyes and freckles with dark hair and long limbs.

Jane had half smiled. "It's like they were meant for us, Maura," she'd said, almost guiltily. "That's morbid and awful, but I feel it anyways."

Maura kisses Levi's forehead. _Meant for us. _ For both of them. Levi doesn't need just Jane.

"You're my son," she whispers, and the relief and happiness that wash over Levi's face make a new round of tears come to her eyes. "I love you unconditionally. Forever."

He hugs her again, harder, already starting to cheer up.

"Double it," he says into her shoulder. "Double it, Mom."

* * *

...

The Hall where Frankie and Jennifer Silas are being honored is nice, and as the Rizzoli-Isles enter the dining room, they see Angela wave them over to her table.

"Elbows," Jane corrects Sofia as she sits down with Noah in her lap. "Hey, Ma. Sorry were late. Family full of women," she shoots a look at Maura, who blushes a little and shrugs.

"I was not about to go to your brother's celebratory dinner looking like a bum, Jane. You had it easy, all you had to do was put your uniform on." She rubs absently at Levi's shoulder as she speaks. Isabelle kicks Sofia under the table.

"Knock it off, you two or I will-" But Jane's threat is cut off as the lights dim, and pictures begin to flash up on a giant projected screen.

It's Frankie and Jennifer on their first day at the Academy. Frankie and Frost in BPD t-shirts with basketballs under their arms.

"Where's Frost?" Jane mutters, and Maura looks around.

"There!" She points, and Jane spins to see Frost and Alissa at a table a few yards away. He has his arm around her.  
Catching their eye, he winks. Jane gives him the thumbs up. Maura chuckles.

"Oooh, their babies are going to be so attractive."

Jane snorts loudly, "You are certifiably insane and borderline racist," she hisses, "Watch the pictures."

Finally, from the side, Frankie steps up to the podium. The pictures stop.

Frankie looks behind him at the projector, frozen on the picture from the Globe. It shows Frost, Jane, Maura and Frankie, side by side, smiling at the camera. The headline that ran with this picture had said, _A Family of Heroes; Officer to be Honored at Ceremony. _

He looks back out at the crowd, at the table where the Rizzoli-Isles sit, Maura with Noah in her lap.

"The media…doesn't get things right all the time," he glances at Jane. "Or ever," he adds, like an afterthought, and a low, rolling laugh sweeps through the crowd. "They throw the word hero out like it's something amazing. They report on the living, like there weren't any dead." He looks out over the faces of fellow officers, "We know different. We know that for someone to become a hero, there has to be somebody whose life was cut short. And maybe they were threatening a school, or a family. Maybe they had an automatic weapon and they gunned down a mother and a father in cold blood." Frankie looks over to where Officer Monica Leighton's parents are sitting, her mother already with tears in her eyes. "Maybe, when you were pulling civilians to safety…one of your own was dying." His voice catches, and he looks back to his sister, and Maura watches as Jane tries to show him with a look what his words mean. How proud and happy and impressed she is with him. He smiles. "But the media got one thing right…in the God-awful media frenzy that has surrounded the past events. The events that are the _reason_ I'm getting this award." He takes a breath. "The media got something right, and that is the family part.

"Sure, they said it because my older sister is the most decorated detective in the Boston Homicide unit, and my sister-in-law is such a good medical examiner that she'll know if you _think_ about committing murder in her jurisdiction," this gets another, fuller laugh. Maura feels Jane's hand on the back of her neck, massaging gently.

"But I read it to mean all of us. When one of us is in danger, we are all in danger. When one of us falls," He takes off his hat, and the room is a silent wave of officers reaching up to do the same. "We all fall. My sister's been on the force since I was in high school, and the lessons she brought home to me, came from you." Frankie gestures around the hall, "They came from here."

He looks down to finger the medal on his chest, "I'm a detective now, but my morals have not changed." He looks out over the faces and his expression is solemn and earnest. Jane thinks her heart is going to burst. "God help me, I love BPD with my heart and soul...And if you think I'd make a good detective?" There is a cheer. Frankie grins, and as he steps aside from the podium to salute them, they stand up. All of them, cheering.

But no one in the hall is cheering or clapping louder than Jane. Maura watches her, her own smile wide and happy, proud that she can call these people hers.

Jane brings to fingers to her mouth and whistles. When Frankie looks at her she holds up hands. Still cheering.

Frankie looks at her, then at Maura. He touches his index finger to his heart.

Maura whistles too.

...

The air is warm and nice as everyone files out of the Hall. Maura slips her arm through Jane's, pinching her elbow on the way. "I do love you in your uniform," she whispers, as Isabelle and Levi streak past them onto the lawn. "Be careful!" she calls, "Do not get grass stains on any articles of clothing you two. I _mean_ it."

Angela comes up beside them, Noah asleep on her shoulder, "Are you sure there's no way that Isabelle is Jane's?" she says quietly, and they all watch as Isabelle jumps, her arms wrapping around the lowest limb of the tree that stands in the center of the lawn.

"Isabelle!" Maura's voice is warning, and the little girl drops to the ground guiltily. "Maybe we should test them." Maura murmurs.  
Jane chuckles, "Who cares," she says as she lifts Noah gently from her mom's arms, "Thanks, Ma."

"It was wonderful, wasn't it? Frankie looked so handsome up there. His speech was so moving. He's such a good speaker, Janie. Much better than you at your awards dinner," She frowns, "you were so gruff."

Jane rolls her eyes, and Maura nods, chuckling. Angela beams at them, "And did you see? That reporter came too. I saw Frankie help her into his car before he left."

Jane grins, "Well good for him," she says, "and look!" She nudges Maura, pointing to where Barry Frost is helping Alissa into his car. "Our boys are growing up."

Maura laughs.

Angela looks excited, "I wonder how long till the girls have more cousins to play with…You could run a background on her, Janie…Just to see if she's-"

"Nope. I'm cutting you off right there," Jane says quickly, "Now I see why Tommy knocked a girl up in secret and Maura disappeared. You're too nosy Ma!"

Maura waits for the sting of guilt and anger that always comes whenever anyone mentions her absence, but something about the way Jane says it, something about the way she shifts the baby on her shoulder so she can wrap an arm protectively around Maura's middle…

The sting never comes.

"She's right," Maura says slowly, and both Rizzoli women turn to look at her, "Switzerland seemed to be just the right amount of distance to keep you out of my business."

For a moment, she thinks she's said the wrong thing. Jane's mouth drops open and Angela's face goes completely blank with shock. She is about to open her mouth and apologize profusely, when Jane bursts into laughter. She tries to keep it in, so as not to wake the little boy on her shoulder, but that just means that it bursts from her with greater force.

"Oh…my…God," Jane wheezes, putting her hand on Maura's shoulder to keep herself from falling over. "Oh my God, _Maur!" _Noah wakes up with a grumpy little sigh, looking at his mother with a disgruntled expression.

Jane is still laughing. "She got you," Jane points at Angela, who is trying to look scandalized while holding in a smile. "She got you, so good!"  
Jane looks at Maura, and the doctor knows that Jane understands more about this situation than she's letting on. Noah lets out a sleepy little whine, and reaches for Maura.

"Soft mommy," he says as he settles down against Maura's shoulder. "Good mommy."

Maura chuckles, reminded suddenly of the first little boy Jane ever really held, and how he had said the same thing, almost seven years ago. She knows that Jane still checks up on Lukas, and they still get a Christmas card from The Brodys every year. She thinks of the hundred dollars that Jane sends Laia every year on her birthday, and the photocopies of report cards from BCU that still hang on the bulletin board in Jane's attic sanctuary.

"Mama's soft on the inside," She says and Jane grins and kisses her briefly, before running after her children and scooping a shrieking Sofia off her feet. "Where it counts."

Angela shakes her head as Jane and Isabelle sneak a look back at them, and then Jane lifts the little girl into the tree.

"Really, Maura," she says, "You should test…just to see."

Maura grins, watching Jane turn to Sofia, whose arms are outstretched. Levi has run around the trunk and is scrambling up on his own.

They are all her children. Maura shakes her head, "Honestly. I couldn't care less.

* * *

"We should go away." Maura's eyes flutter shut as Jane's lips play over her jaw.

"mm?"

"We should take the kids on vacation. When was the last time we had an actual vacation?"

The kisses stop, and Maura knows Jane is thinking. "What like…just you and me and the kids?"

Maura slides her arms around Jane's waist, nodding. "We should go somewhere…"  
"Warm," Jane says, pressing closer to Maura, making her sigh. "We should go someplace with palm trees.

"Cabo."

"mmm…Hawaii."

Maura shrugs, "Both," she whispers, and Jane shudders against her. Maura chuckles, "Detective, is this conversation arousing you in some way?"

"Thinking of you in a bikini?" Jane bites at Maura's neck. "Yes."

Maura giggles, "Take your vacation time. I'll take mine…we'll go, All of us. Next week or the week after." She slides her hands into Jane's hair. "Say yes."

Jane kisses up to Maura's ear, so that her answer comes with a deliciously warm gust of air. "Of course," she breathes. Maura moans a little, her fingers pulling at Jane's shoulders.

"God," She rolls her eyes at herself, "How is it possible that you continue to make me feel this way? There is overwhelming evidence that supports the theory that monogamy makes sex less interesting as the years,"

"Did you just call me uninteresting?" Jane presses her knee in between Maura's leg.

"N-no," Maura gasps, her hips flexing involuntarily. "I-I-I was just…" but she is unable to remember what she was just…

Jane is about to pull Maura's shirt up over her head when the sound of feet in the hall makes her sit up.

"You know," she says, rolling off her wife and fixing her own shirt quickly, "It is really lucky our children have the stealth of a herd of elephants."

Maura chuckles, sitting up as the door creaks open. There is Sofia, behind her, Isabelle and Levi, hand holding tightly to Noah, who looks still asleep.

"Ah, the whole gang," Jane says, patting the bed. Four little bodies scramble up quickly. "Do they make a king king size bed?" Jane asks moving out of the way of Isabelle's teddy bear. "No, Iz, one teddy bear. Mr. Cute or Wiggly. Not both." Isabelle contemplates, and Mr. Cute gets exiled from the island.

"We could look into a custom size bed, I'm sure," Maura says moving one of Noah's feet.

"Don't encourage them," Jane chuckles, as everyone settles down. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"

"Could not sleep," Sofia says simply, reaching to play with Maura's necklace.

Jane looks at Maura, who nods, understanding. "Nuggets," she says authoritatively, and three heads turn to look at her. Noah is already almost asleep. "What would you think if Mommy and Mama took you all on a vacation?"

three sets of eyes light up. "Really?" Isabelle finds her voice first. "On a plane?"

"Yes!" Jane says, "On a plane."

"OH MOMMY!" Sofia squeals, snuggling against Maura, "when when when?"

"Can we go camping?"

"I want to go to the ocean!"

"beets?" Noah's sleepy voice drifts up from Jane's chest.

Maura laughs, "We're not quite sure where, yet, but next week. We leave at the end of next week." She looks at Jane, who nods, grinning.

"The beach!" Isabelle says, "The ocean again!"

"The mountains," Levi says, "I read about trails in school."

Sofia looks pensive, "Somewhere where we can see the whole sky. No city!"

Jane shakes her head, still smiling. "We don't have to decide right now. Tomorrow we can make a list of all the things we want to do, and then pick the best."

Maura smiles, watching her children contemplate this.

"What about you Ma?" Levi asks, "What's most important to you? What matters most?"

Maura looks at Jane, watching her survey all of her children, and then turn to look at Maura. She doesn't have to say how much she loves her. She doesn't have to say anything. Maura has never believed it has fully and deeply as she does right now.

"You know what?" Jane says, pulling Isabelle closer, "If they have a hotel bed that fits us all?" She reaches for Maura's hand.

"Then that is all I need."

* * *

**You beautiful wonderful delicious people. Here we are! Just an epilogue left. I...I have no words for the gratitude and love and hugs and...just...you guys, especially those with me since JGMAR...especially those already signed up for the third installment...I...I can't. I do not write for a living, but you guys have given me the courage to try. to start...**

**I CANNOT SAY THANK YOU ENOUGH TIMES. **

**I hope that this chapter is flufftastic enough for you. If it's not...don't worry...the epilogue will give you the diabetes. lol. **

**i love you i love you. all of you. each one. i would literally line you up and hug you all long enough for it to be awkward. And when we all came down with the flu from the germ sharing, i would make vats of chicken soup and dish them out three times daily. THATS HOW MUCH THANK YOU I FEEL. :)**

**So I hope you enjoy the epilogue when it comes. **

**and as always. for like 100 chapters now. **

**happy reading. **

**tc. **


	51. Epilogue

As it happens, their planned vacation turns into a celebration.

Two days after the decision to go away is made, the social worker on Levi and Noah's case calls to tell them that they have passed their last home visit and background checks, and that they can schedule an appointment at the courthouse to make it official.

Maura steps into the entryway of her house, smiling at the shouts of laughter and the music coming from the living room.

All five of her family members are dancing, spread out in a makeshift circle around her tortoise, Jo Friday barking at Jane's heels excitedly.

"Mommy!" Isabelle is the first to spot her, "In pop too dance party!" she cries, grabbing Maura's hand and pulling her into the room.

"Impromptu," Maura laughs, looking at Jane. "What's happening?" Jane comes over and wraps her arms around her. "The boys are ours," she says, laughing when Maura's eyes get wide and excited.

"It's official?" She asks the room at large, but it's Jane again who answers.

"It's official. We can make the appointment anytime."

"We should do it before we go!" Maura pulls back to look at Levi who has stopped dancing and is watching them. She holds out her hands to him and he comes to her immediately. She smiles down at him.

"Are you alright with this, little man?" They've talked about how she and Jane can never replace his biological parents, how they don't _want_ to, and Levi had seemed alright, but this is a big step.

Jane leans down and looks the little boy in the eye. "This is it, sir," she says firmly, and Levi's face goes solemn and a little scared.

"Jane," Maura says, trying to get her wife to ease up, but Jane puts her hand up, her eyes never leaving his, "After this, it's set in stone. You are stuck with Mom and me forever."  
Levi nods, and Jane looks at him hard, "There's no going back."

Levi stands a little straighter, looking at her defiantly. "I don't want to go back."

Jane almost smiles. "Your sisters are going to grow up into teenage girls."

"I know."

"They will be hormonal and crazy," Jane shakes her head, "They will blame you for all their problems with boys."

Maura scoffs, chuckling "Jane! For heaven's sake." Isabelle comes up beside the doctor, listening.

"If any boy hurts one of my sisters I will punch him in the face," Levi says earnestly, and Jane tries hard to swallow a laugh as Maura glares at her.

"We do not condone violence," she says, her smirk undermining her words.

Levi considers, "Then I will hold him down until you come and arrest him, Ma."

Even Maura has to laugh at that. Jane straightens a little, "Good man," she says, and Levi beams.

"Have you thought about names?" Maura asks as Levi turns to her. They've told him that he can remain an Owens on his birth certificate if he'd like. They told him he could make the decision for both himself and his brother. Levi nods slowly, his eyes moving between the doctor and the detective. "I thought I might keep my name. Levi Michael…" he looks at his shoes for a moment, "Michael was daddy's name."

Jane puts her hand on his shoulder, and he looks up at her, "But I'd like to be a Rizzoli-Isles. If I can."

Maura feels like her heart might burst. "Of course, darling. And Noah?"

Levi looks to where Sofia is dancing with his baby brother, both of them in fits of giggles. He chews the inside of his cheek. "Well…Owen is a boy's name, you know...I thought maybe that could be his new middle name, and then…" Clear blue eyes look up hopefully at Maura, "He could be a Rizzoli-Isles too?"

Isabelle tugs on Maura's skirt, and the doctor pulls her close. "That would be lovely," she says, because when she looks at Jane, it's clear that she is too emotional to speak.

"He won't remember our other mom. Or dad, will he?"

Maura looks down at Levi sharply, trying to ascertain if his tone is one of sadness or satisfaction.

"No," she says, because not only can she not lie to this little boy, she doesn't _want_ to. "Chances are that anything he remembers is going to be from something you tell him."

"We could pick a day," Levi says suddenly, looking up at his parents, "Where I tell him stories…and we go see them…where they are."

Jane raises her eyebrows at Maura. Levi has never expressed any interest in visiting his parent's graves before today. She leans down to him again. "We can go see your mom and dad any time you want, Lee, you know that, right? You don't have to wait for a day."

Maura nods, and Levi smiles before turning back to his dancing sisters, "Yeah, Ma. I know."

Maura steps up to Jane, "It's official," she says as the brunette puts her head on her wife's shoulder. "No turning back now."

"Scared?" Jane asks, "We've been doing this for almost seven months now."

Maura pulls Jane closer, "Still, feels final." They are silent for a moment, listening to the kids, and Jane runs her hands up Maura's back, and Maura has the idea that Jane is reading her, like braille.

"I love you, Maura," Jane says against her neck and Maura knows that the detective does not want her to return the words. "I love you so much."

"I know you do, Jane." She says quietly, feeling her wife relax and start to move her hips lazily to the music. She sighs, loving the feeling. "I _know_ you do."

…

_They all come for the occasion, dressed to the nines. Tommy even brings TJ, in a tiny little onesie fashioned to look like a tuxedo. But he hands the baby to Lydia so that he can pull Levi into a hug. Jane and Maura are close enough to the pair that they can hear what he's saying, though they pretend that they can't. _

_"Congratulations bud." _

_"Thanks," Maura knows that Levi idolizes Tommy, and that the arrival of Tommy Jr. has made him sort of sad. _

_"You're officially my nephew now, and so anything you need. You just let me know, alright?" _

_Levi sounds a little dejected, "Yeah. Thanks." _

_"Hey," Maybe it is the fact that he is a new father, but Tommy picks up on Levi's tone, "Lee. Baby, or no baby. You're my nephew and I love you. You need me. I'm there." _

_And the smile that Levi gives her brother…Jane feels like she could die happy, right there on the steps of the courthouse._

_Constance and Angela arrive together, both dressed up, Angela talking a mile minute and already looking close to tears. _

_Jane rolls her eyes and hugs both women, and when Maura hugs her mother, she seems unwilling to let go, so that they end up arm in arm, Maura flushed with pleasure. _

_Frost comes with Alissa, and then Frankie, alone. _

_"Did you ruin things with the reporter already?" Angela is dismayed. _

_Frankie rolls his eyes, hugging his sister. "No, Ma, but she's not ready to meet the family." _

_"Yet," Angela grins.  
Jane squeezes her brother's good arm. "Maybe you should warn her," she mutters.  
"I heard that."_

_. _

_It is wonderful. _

_They are loud and they are laughing and they are love, and when the judge bangs his gavel and announces them a family, Jane feels a sort of fullness in her chest that she hasn't felt before. _

_She lifts Noah onto her hip, and the rest of her immediate family gathers around her for a photograph. _

_Maura slips her arm around her at the last minute and Levi, Sofia and Isabelle push back against them. _

_"Say, family!" Angela calls, lifting the camera to her face._

_"family," they call, and Isabelle cries out at the last moment, "I love mine!" and so when they look at the picture on the screen of the digital camera, they are all laughing. _

_"We can retake it," Angela says. _

_"No," Maura's voice is constricted, and when Jane looks at her, she knows her wife feels the same fullness too. the feeling of being complete. _

_"It's perfect." _

…

Noah is afraid of the airplane. He starts to whimper in Jane's arms as they walk down the connecting tunnel to their seats.

"It's alright honey pie," Jane says to him, "Sofia, hold Rachel's hand please, thank you."

They'd bickered a little bit, about whether or not to bring one of the sitters. Maura had wanted to and Jane had been against it.

"I like putting them to bed, and taking them places…I don't want someone else doing that."

Maura had nodded, "I like all of those things, too, Jane, and we will do all those things. But the plane is going to be problematic. And when we're on the beach or just out in public…in the pool…I'd like to have an extra set of hands."

She'd paused as Jane looked unconvinced. "You have to admit that my birthday weekend was a rather nice arrangement."

Jane bit her lip, running her eyes along the doctor's frame. "Compromise," she'd said, holding out her hand. "She gets one of the days off, and can do whatever she wants when we go for dinner, until the next morning."

Maura bit her lip, "and there's one night where she's on duty."

They'd shaken on it. "Carla," Jane had said at the exact same time that Maura had said "Rachel."

.

Ultimately, Jane is glad she'd given in and glad that Rachel is there, the twins bags slung over her shoulders, reaching out to grab Isabelle as she tries to run down the narrow pathway.

Noah starts to cry in earnest as they step onto the plane, and Jane bites her lip, bouncing him. They have seven seats in the ten person first class section, and it makes Jane feel an odd mixture of comfort and guilt at she settles her toddler next to her in one of the oversized plush chairs. Maura sits with Levi across from the twins, and Rachel takes up her seat across from Jane.

"Here, I brought these," Rachel says, leaning across to hand Jane a pair of miniature ear plugs and a lollipop. "I learned in my Child Development class that if you put them in before we're in the air, they have a greater effect."

Jane grins, taking the items, and Noah stops crying when he notices the bright green candy.

"lolli, mama?"

"I knew I liked you," Jane says to Rachel, turning to tilt her son's head so she can see better.

Rachel smiles back, "Let me know if you want me to take him, or switch with you or anything like that. I'm more than happy to-"

"Relax, Rachel," Jane chuckles. "You will have plenty of time to prove how thankful you are to be going to Saint Maarten. First class."

Rachel blushes, "I've never flown first class," she says excitedly, "Or been to Saint Maarten…It's so wonderful," she catches herself, "I mean…I know I'm coming as your babysitter and-"

But Jane leans across the aisle, "You're free of us every day at five," she says like she's telling the young woman a secret, "and as long as you meet us for breakfast at nine, we don't need to know what happens while you're out of sight." And she leans back, chuckling at the crimson flush spreading down the sitter's hairline.

The plane starts to taxi down the runway, and Sofia presses herself against the window, looking out.

Jane keeps Noah occupied with an interactive storybook, trying not to show how uncomfortable she still is with airplanes, but she can hear Maura as she leans out across the aisle to talk to her daughters.

"Want me to tell you how planes are able to defy gravity?"

"Yes!" an excited chorus from the girls.

Jane grits her teeth, and redoubles her efforts to focus on the story in front of her, and tune out her wife.

…

They do everything.

They have three rooms in a hotel that overlooks the beach, and Maura has made sure to pack their days full of amazing experiences. The list that each child made is honored to the fullest extent, and Isabelle spends a blissful first day of the vacation swimming with dolphins.

"She's going to be a marine biologist," Maura says, swaying back and forth with Noah, in the shallow part of the water, watching the trainer and her three oldest children as they stroke the dolphin's nose.

"Or at least a trainer at Seaworld," Jane laughs, making a face at Noah, "Let him go, see if he will swim to me."

"Oh, Jane…" Maura redoubles her hold on the toddler.

"He's wearing like, eighteen swimmies, Maura, let him go."

She does, and the look of shock and then determination that wash over his tiny features, as his mother calls him, combined with Jane's squeal of delight as he starts to move doggedly towards her, are two new things the Maura can add to her favorite moments.

.

The second night is spent in three huge tents on the edge of the beach, and Maura congratulates herself for killing off two of her children's wishes with one activity. the next day they will walk the trails along the dunes, but tonight is all about camping, and the stars.

They let the children stay up until they fall asleep, and while Jane teaches Levi and Isabelle how to start a campfire, Maura spreads out a quilt and calls her dark haired daughter over to her.

"Look up, little growl," she says softly, and nothing has ever been so beautiful as looking at the tons of stars reflected in Sofia's wide, dark eyes.

"Do you want to hear some stories?"

Sofia falls backwards onto the quilt beside her mother. "Yes," she breathes, and her face is alive with excitement. "tell me everything."

Maura talks for almost twenty minutes, sometimes taking her daughters hand and tracing the outside of a constellation. It gets darker and darker and so she feels rather than sees her wife and the rest of her children settle down on the blanket too.

"That star there is called Sirius. But lots of people call it "the dog star because it's part of the constellation that looks like a giant dog."

"Canus Major," Sofia whispers to Jane, pointing.

"You are so smart, nug," Jane whispers back.

"Mommy's going to teach me everything," She says, snuggling against Maura.

"Bella too," comes a sleepy voice on her other side.

Jane just smiles and looks back up at the sky.

...

On their night without children, after dinner at a fancy restaurant by the water, they end up in the hotel bar.

Jane is dressed in black pants and a wine red silk top that falls off of one shoulder, revealing the most tempting shoulder blade and collarbone that Maura has ever seen.

The doctor is in a midnight dress, stopping just above her knees, and tight enough that Jane misses her mouth with her fork twice, eyes wandering.

"If you stab yourself with that utensil and we end up in the hospital on our childless night, Jane Rizzoli, I will never let you forget it," Maura had said, leaning forward. Jane's eyes had gone dark. "That dress is…"

Maura had giggled, "Yes?"

Jane crossed her legs, leaning back and rolling her shoulders. "Coming off later," she'd growled.  
Maura had found it a little hard to focus after that as well.

But they stop at the bar because Maura wants to grab a night cap, and then Jane gets a call from Tommy, and Maura can hear the baby crying in the background.

"Tommy…no…bro…I can't hear you…ugh, hang on," and shooting an apologetic look at Maura, she slips off the barstool.

Maura orders another Cosmo.

"Let me get that for you," the man appears out of nowhere, and offers his twenty to the bartender before she can answer.

"That's…very nice of you," Maura says, smiling politely.

"You can definitely make it up to me," He responds, shifting to a barstool closer to her.

Her eyebrows shoot up, "That's quite forward," she says, before she can stop herself. He grins at her, and it's lascivious and uncomfortable. She glances over his shoulder for Jane, but the bar is as empty as when they came in. Jane is nowhere in sight.

"If you know what you want…" He leans a little closer, "Why not come up to my room. Give me half a minute and I bet the room next door would call security on us."

Maura leans away from him, watching his eyes drop down to her cleavage. "You're hypothesizing about the level of noise we would make, were you to take me to bed?" She keeps her voice low so it doesn't shake, and his eyes darken. She does not like this man. This time anger keeps her voice steady. "On what do you base that theory, might I ask?"

"Every woman who's had the full Trevor experience," he growls at her, and it is not deep and seductive like Jane's growl, but dark and possessive. She frowns a little bit, watching his eyes move over her again.

"Hm," her disinterested noise makes his eyes snap back up to her face.

"You're not interested?"

She looks at him carefully, "I'm married."

He grins at her, all white pearly teeth, reminding her with a jolt of Denis Rockmond, "That doesn't answer my question." He reaches out towards her, "C'mon, sexy, let me rock your world."

She's not sure where Jane comes from or how long she's been standing there, but she is behind him faster than her brain can process. She twists his arm back behind him and presses it against his back, pushing him roughly up against the lip of the bar. She looks at Maura, and her eyes go directly to the doctor's throat, searching.

Maura's breath catches in her chest. "I-I'm fine," she says, "honey," she can hear how unconvincing she sounds, and Jane's eyes register a hint of panic. She jerks his arm hard. He hiccups in pain.

"Did you touch my wife?" Her voice is low and growly. It shoots right through Maura.

"No!" Maura shakes her head, "He didn't, honey. I'm fine." Jane's face relaxes a fraction, but she does not release him.

"N-n-no man, c'mon," Trevor whines, "we-we-we were just talking, dude" it dawns on Maura that he can't see Jane, with the way she has him pinned, and between the heels she's wearing that add three inches, and her deep, angry voice, Trevor thinks she's a man.

Jane wrenches his arm again, and her eyes flash up at Maura, dark and pissed and…lustful. "I heard what you said to her…I'm pretty sure the only one getting rocked tonight will be you…with actual rocks."

Maura smirks a little as Trevor whimpers. "Be-be cool, man I-I-I didn't mean anything by it."

"Take pity on him, sweetheart," Maura purrs, and Jane's eyes snap up to look at her again. "He can't have had many successful sexual encounters in the past."

"Is that right?" Jane's expression is darkening into desire very quickly.  
Maura nods, "mmm, yes. Studies have shown that when engaged in a lackluster sexual act, a man or a woman might talk to themselves, sort of like a pep talk, in order to maintain arousal or to reach a climax," Jane makes a face behind Trevor's back, and Maura just manages not to laugh, "this most often manifests itself as screaming, in women anyway. So poor Trevor here may think he retains magnificent sexual prowess…"

"But he's really more like a high school virgin," Jane finishes satisfied, "What about me, Maur?" Her voice slips even deeper. "Do you scream when you're with me?"

Maura flushes, but not out of embarrassment, "With you, I barely have the breath to moan, Jane."

The detective releases Trevor at her name, coming around quickly to help Maura off her stool, and the doctor has one satisfied moment of watching Trevor's pain and anger, slip quickly into shock and embarrassment.

"You're-you're-you're dykes?!"

Jane spins back to him, hands out, and he recoils, already wincing. But Maura puts her hand on Jane's shoulder. "No," she says firmly, "Save your strength, please." She tugs on Jane's shoulder, and at length, the detective turns around, she looks a Maura her eyes wandering down to her pumps and back up. This time, the look is like foreplay. The doctor smiles.

"Save my strength for what?" Jane licks her lips.

Maura doesn't answer, just pulls her detective out of the bar by her wrist.  
It does not cross Jane's mind to ask again.

…

On the last day, they take the entire family out on the ocean. Maura wants to take Levi snorkeling, and Isabelle is so enchanted with the ocean that she can barely sit still. The boat is large, with a little cabin and an observation deck that runs the length of both sides.  
Levi pulls on Maura's hand as Jane secures the younger children in life jackets.

"Mom?"

"Yes, darling… Jane…honestly, they don't need to wear those the entire time." Maura thinks it's a little funny that Jane is so wary of the water. Jane throws her a look, and Maura laughs. "It's not the titanic, honey."

"Mom?"  
Maura refocuses, "Yes, honey, I'm sorry."

"Are we millionaires?"

The question makes the rest of the family look around. Maura looks at Jane, shocked. Jane clicks the last buckle on Sofia's life vest, and then looks back at her son. "What makes you think that?"

Levi scuffs his feet against the dock. "I dunnah. We came here in the front of the plane. And we brought Rachel, we got three rooms. And there was cars to pick us up everywhere…Are we millionaires?"

Maura looks at Jane, a little panicked. She has never been good at lying to the children, at stretching the truth or fibbing to keep her children happy or innocent, and the fact of the matter is that yes, Maura, and by extension her children and her wife, are millionaires. Her salary and Jane's are just continued icing on the cake.

Jane chuckles, "Are you worried about starving, Lee?" She asks reaching out to help him up the little gangplank to the boat.

He smiles and shakes his head, Jane nudges him with an elbow. "Look, dude, here's what you need to know, okay?" She glances at Maura, "Mommy…and I, have enough money to keep you fed and healthy. We have enough to keep a roof over your head and make sure you get an edumacation."

He giggles, "Maaa, you know it's not said like that."

"It's not?" She looks baffled, "well then it must be working."

Sofia wanders over and Jane lifts her onto her hip. "You are all, very, very lucky," she says, and Isabelle looks around from where she is practically hanging over the railing, looking for fish. "You do not have to worry about being hungry or cold or scared. Alright?"  
"Alright, Ma," Noah says from Maura's arms. Jane smiles, "And sometimes, we have enough to go on these trips. Not every day, but sometimes. When we deserve it."

"We deserve it?" Isabelle asks, coming over to sit near Jane.

"Hell yeah!" Jane answers without thinking.

Maura gasps, glaring at Jane, who looks sheepish. Isabelle and Levi laugh. Sofia clicks her tongue.

"Mama, you's such a baddie," she says, but she grins, and leans comfortably against Jane.

"Yeah," Isabelle agrees, "it's great though. Right?"

…

"That man the other night," Jane's voice comes by her ear. They are standing, watching their children down by the water with Rachel, 'saying good-bye to the ocean.'

Maura stiffens, "He reminded me of Denis," she says quietly.

Jane's arms tighten around her waist. "He reminded me of Landon McDermott."

Maura tilts her head to look up at her wife, "who?"

Jane shivers subconsciously, "the twenty one year old drug addict that assaulted you when you were fifteen."

Maura's eyes get wide, "How do you know-"

"I looked up the file. It was the first thing I ever did in the archives, actually. Three hours after graduating from the Academy."

"Do you know where he is now?" Maura asks, even though she already knows the answer.

"Yes," Jane pauses for a moment, "He's in prison for aggravated sexual assault and attempted murder."

Maura looks back out at her children, giggling as the waves run over their bare feet, Rachel chasing after them with Noah in her arms.

"If one of them falls in love at fifteen, will you let them see where it goes?"  
"No," Jane growls, "I will sit our child's boyfriend or girlfriend down, and I will explain to them that there are very few reasons that I would ever misuse my firearm…"  
"Jane!" Maura laughs and turns to look up at the detective. "You're saying that what happened between us could never happen to one of our children?"

Jane shrugs. "It's rare. To find anything that lasts that young, and regardless of what it brought me, I would never wish a McDermott on any of our children."  
Maura nods, "okay, so, rare…but not impossible."

Jane grins, "This conversation is backwards. Aren't I the one who's supposed to be convincing you of miracles, Dr. Isles?"

Maura is taken aback, "It was not a miracle, Jane," She says, but Jane looks down at her sharply.

"It most certainly was."

Maura shakes her head, "Miracles imply that there is a higher power who has the ability to make things happen and who-"

But Jane presses her lips to Maura's mid-sentence, in a kiss that is slow and easy and so completely Jane. "Us," Jane says quietly, spinning the blonde so that they are both looking at five damp and sandy figures trudging up the beach towards them. "All of us, together and happy and _right,_" her lips find the doctor's jaw, "tell me that's not a miracle. Close your eyes and think about how we all came to be here, together, and tell me there was not _something_ working for us. Helping us."

Maura closes her eyes. She thinks about the fountain where she first met Jane. The one that she can see from her living room window. She thinks of the moment she stepped out of the car and how Frankie had whirled to face her and how she'd sat in the attic of her home reading letter after letter after letter.

She thinks of Adam's death and Garrett's incarceration and Jane in her bed, in her home, on her couch. At her side when she was crying and fighting alongside her when she was angry. She thinks of the moment she made her lips move over the one word that saved them both from Charles Hoyt, and the terror and elation and overwhelming affection that enveloped her when she heard a second heartbeat thrumming inside of her stomach.

She thinks of the first time she saw Noah and Levi's picture, and the way the toddler had fallen asleep on her lap the first time she met him. Like he already knew.

She thinks and thinks, and she remembers it all, like a silent movie behind her eyelids. And when she opens her eyes, and looks up at Jane (green into brown, the way she wants it to be forever), she knows that Jane is right.

But then there's the soft thunk of Sofia, throwing her arms around her middle. And then Isabellle. And Levi jumps onto Jane's back from behind…

And the detective can read the answer in her eyes.

Maura doesn't have to say anything at all.

* * *

_**I love you guys so much. You've followed me on this journey and I can't even...begin to tell you how writing this has healed me and helped me and let me get what I needed to say out there. **_

_**Here is the epilogue. I hope you like it. **_

_**There WILL be a part three. I'm going to take some time off for a while, finish The Moment, put out a little five shot of one shots I've got...and then come back to this. I plan to have the first chapter of part three up on March 10th or so. If you aren't you can follow me as an author so you get an email when it comes.  
What I would also love from you, if you are so inclined, is to let me know anything youd like to see in part two. and drams you think I haven't already covered? Levi's first gf? something like that. **_

_**if you want to read more of my stuff, you can read The Moment. You can also follow me on tumblr (colormetheworld dot tumblr dot com), for rizzles AND non rizzles stuff. I know I know. shameless promotion. apologies. **_

_**I love you guys. SO MUCH. I hope you'll come back for the next round, when it happens, and that you enjoy my other stuff in the meantime and...just. thank you. and i love you and you always have a friend in me. **_

_**happy reading**_

_**tc**_


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